White Smoke Rises As New Pope Is Elected, Dow Jones Hits New All Time High

Tyler Durden's picture

Moments ago white smoke emerged from the Sistine Chapel which means that the Cardinals of the Catholic church have elected a new pope on the second day of Conclave. The identity will be revealed shortly. Stocks take this as a bullish signal and hit intraday highs, and for the DJIA, new all time record highs. All is well in the world.

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the not so mighty maximiza's picture

i am sure if the chimmney fell over it would be a buy signal.

redpill's picture

OMFG he just walked out, it's LLOYD BLANKFEIN!

camaro68ss's picture

1 million to 1 the bernake steps out.

YBNguy's picture

You mean the "Honorable" Jon Corzine

true brain's picture

Where is my comment posted earlier?

Censor in ZH. Another sell out site.  It's time to head to  the wood.

Abraxas's picture

And this is supposed to be a "Fight Club", or something. It's more like "pussy-foot bending-backwards for the man" club

James_Cole's picture

I think they updated the page, whenever they do that comments disappear. I've seen it happen before totally innocuously. 

Just to make sure - fuck the pope. 

The_Dude's picture



Tylers....lots of comments disappearing...?!?!

akak's picture

I had several comments in this thread disappear as well.

WTF Tyler?


PS:  On further re-reading of this thread after an absence of several hours, MANY comments have been deleted.  Just for the record, this is not the first time lately that I have noticed this kind of thing either.  I think Tyler owes us an explanation --- is this site now being "moderated", or not?  It would be nice to know up front.

TruthInSunshine's picture

It's not just ZH.  A ton of financial or economics related sites have been acting funky this afternoon.

I do believe that ZH has girded and dispersed its servers all over the world, including several located in deep underground vaults beneath the Swiss Alps.

akak's picture

Well, it is curious on just how selective the "bug" has been in this thread, selectively deleting all of the more admittedly offensive comments.

It has to have been Tyler(s) doing it.  That is of course his/their right, but it would be nice if he/they were forthright about it and admitted that 'moderating'/censoring the comments here is now official policy.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Weird. I post a comment which begins with "Bar-B-Q Pope" and in the New Comments sidebar the only part that displays is "Bar-B-Q".

akak's picture

You're right, TFS --- it seems that almost every comment directly referring to the Pope in this thread have been deleted.

Again, WTF?

Abraxas's picture

Hey, I just made fun on religious line of thought in general, and my comment is gone. Didn't even mention the guy with the funny hat (you know who)

akak's picture

Well FUCK that!

I guess this site has now been co-opted by pro-establishment forces as well.

What next, "Tyler" --- censoring all discussion of gold and bitcoin too?  With all forms of anti-government sentiment to follow down the memory hole?

Abraxas's picture

But look at page two. This comment is still there: "Lock up your choirboys, there'll be celebrating in the Vatican tonight."

It's funny as hell, but a bit more offensive than most of the ones that disappeared.

I don't enjoy this moderation shit either. It's like on the Turd's blog ... Tyranny is everywhere.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Julio Iglesias
jacked off in outer space-ias.
Did 69 with the Pope in the butthole,
rammed that sucker head down that throat now.


Let's see if this one is banished to oblivion.

Abraxas's picture

What have you done? Now, we all gonna disappear. (it's funny though, he, he)

malikai's picture

You guys got it all wrong. It was "immaculate intervention".

God deleted our comments just like he deletes fetuses from "legitimate rapes".

The_Dude's picture

It's hard enough keeping these f'ing heathens honest without all of my brilliant posts disappearing.....

ACP's picture

If it's the Racist Al Sharpton, that would fulfill the prophecy that the Devil/Face of Evil gets elected after a transitory Pope.

otto skorzeny's picture

white smoke-good? that's raciss

Dr. Richard Head's picture

It must be 4:20 in Vatican City.

The Big Ching-aso's picture

Geez I'm waiting for another sign they really picked the guy.    I guess we'll really know for sure when another lightning bolt strikes the basilica out of the blue without a cloud in sight and more pigs dive enmasse into Chinese rivers.

knukles's picture

Kudos, dude...




a growing concern's picture

This thread is going places! I just hope it's not purgatory!

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


This thread is going places! I just hope it's not purgatory!

The comment count decrement from earlier values indicates that part of this thread is already in purgatory.

akak's picture

For the love of God, PLEASE don't tell me that that power-mad 'moderator' Ynot2k (who is anything but moderate) from the Kitco forum is now one of the Tylers!

Wile-E-Coyote's picture

No, I think Bunga, Bunga bought...................no, no I mean won the election. Phew that was close but I think I got away with it.

Raymond Reason's picture

They are motivated to make up their minds quickly, because each successive day, they are given less to eat, and the comfort of their living accomodations is reduced, until a decision is reached. 

Unprepared's picture

I thought the reason is that they might be afraid that every day passes without a papal decision, the Dow would close red. And NOBODY can afford that.

Raymond Reason's picture

Time to find out who shepherds the flock through armageddon. 

RSBriggs's picture

No.  Prophecy says that this Pope is only the next-to-last.  The next Pope does armageddon.

Jake88's picture

Yeah and the prostitutes are sent away and the liquor dries up.

akak's picture


OMFG he just walked out, it's LLOYD BLANKFEIN!

Well, after all, everyone knows that Lloyd does "God's work".

CrimsonAvenger's picture

Actually, since he's late, I wonder if Obama is the new pope?

tenpanhandle's picture

No you big silly, they said pope not poop.

kliguy38's picture

It may not be Lloyd but make no mistake Lloyd and his masters helped pick him

SilverIsKing's picture

I'd like to see an audit of the Vatican Bank almost as much as I'd like to see an audit of the gold in Fort Knox.

The Big Ching-aso's picture

A Cardinal Rule is always pick a Pope that every Cardinal gets along with.

NoClueSneaker's picture

No freakin' way . I see the grey hair waving in the wind of

HFT-naked-shorts Providence ....

It's Jamie .....


Joe Davola's picture

and if it stays standing it means BUY MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ParkAveFlasher's picture


My call: the Argentinian or the Austrian.