White Smoke Rises As New Pope Is Elected, Dow Jones Hits New All Time High

Tyler Durden's picture


Moments ago white smoke emerged from the Sistine Chapel which means that the Cardinals of the Catholic church have elected a new pope on the second day of Conclave. The identity will be revealed shortly. Stocks take this as a bullish signal and hit intraday highs, and for the DJIA, new all time record highs. All is well in the world.

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Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:13 | 3326563 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

i am sure if the chimmney fell over it would be a buy signal.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:16 | 3326584 redpill
redpill's picture

OMFG he just walked out, it's LLOYD BLANKFEIN!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:17 | 3326593 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

1 million to 1 the bernake steps out.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:18 | 3326604 YBNguy
YBNguy's picture

You mean the "Honorable" Jon Corzine

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:29 | 3327789 true brain
true brain's picture

Where is my comment posted earlier?

Censor in ZH. Another sell out site.  It's time to head to  the wood.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:49 | 3327989 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

And this is supposed to be a "Fight Club", or something. It's more like "pussy-foot bending-backwards for the man" club

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:11 | 3328658 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I think they updated the page, whenever they do that comments disappear. I've seen it happen before totally innocuously. 

Just to make sure - fuck the pope. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:38 | 3327801 The_Dude
The_Dude's picture



Tylers....lots of comments disappearing...?!?!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:00 | 3327822 akak
akak's picture

I had several comments in this thread disappear as well.

WTF Tyler?


PS:  On further re-reading of this thread after an absence of several hours, MANY comments have been deleted.  Just for the record, this is not the first time lately that I have noticed this kind of thing either.  I think Tyler owes us an explanation --- is this site now being "moderated", or not?  It would be nice to know up front.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:01 | 3327852 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

It's not just ZH.  A ton of financial or economics related sites have been acting funky this afternoon.

I do believe that ZH has girded and dispersed its servers all over the world, including several located in deep underground vaults beneath the Swiss Alps.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:06 | 3327867 akak
akak's picture

Well, it is curious on just how selective the "bug" has been in this thread, selectively deleting all of the more admittedly offensive comments.

It has to have been Tyler(s) doing it.  That is of course his/their right, but it would be nice if he/they were forthright about it and admitted that 'moderating'/censoring the comments here is now official policy.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:19 | 3327899 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Weird. I post a comment which begins with "Bar-B-Q Pope" and in the New Comments sidebar the only part that displays is "Bar-B-Q".

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:29 | 3327907 akak
akak's picture

You're right, TFS --- it seems that almost every comment directly referring to the Pope in this thread have been deleted.

Again, WTF?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:36 | 3327938 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Hey, I just made fun on religious line of thought in general, and my comment is gone. Didn't even mention the guy with the funny hat (you know who)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:40 | 3327948 akak
akak's picture

Well FUCK that!

I guess this site has now been co-opted by pro-establishment forces as well.

What next, "Tyler" --- censoring all discussion of gold and bitcoin too?  With all forms of anti-government sentiment to follow down the memory hole?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:45 | 3327976 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

But look at page two. This comment is still there: "Lock up your choirboys, there'll be celebrating in the Vatican tonight."

It's funny as hell, but a bit more offensive than most of the ones that disappeared.

I don't enjoy this moderation shit either. It's like on the Turd's blog ... Tyranny is everywhere.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:52 | 3328001 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Julio Iglesias
jacked off in outer space-ias.
Did 69 with the Pope in the butthole,
rammed that sucker head down that throat now.


Let's see if this one is banished to oblivion.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:59 | 3328027 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

What have you done? Now, we all gonna disappear. (it's funny though, he, he)

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 05:24 | 3328968 malikai
malikai's picture

You guys got it all wrong. It was "immaculate intervention".

God deleted our comments just like he deletes fetuses from "legitimate rapes".

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:07 | 3328519 The_Dude
The_Dude's picture

It's hard enough keeping these f'ing heathens honest without all of my brilliant posts disappearing.....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:19 | 3326606 ACP
ACP's picture

If it's the Racist Al Sharpton, that would fulfill the prophecy that the Devil/Face of Evil gets elected after a transitory Pope.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:23 | 3326643 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

white smoke-good? that's raciss

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:28 | 3326684 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

It must be 4:20 in Vatican City.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:31 | 3326708 redpill
redpill's picture

Total papal absorption

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:35 | 3326744 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

Geez I'm waiting for another sign they really picked the guy.    I guess we'll really know for sure when another lightning bolt strikes the basilica out of the blue without a cloud in sight and more pigs dive enmasse into Chinese rivers.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:41 | 3326799 PlausibleDenial
PlausibleDenial's picture

Maybe they should vape

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:32 | 3326724 knukles
knukles's picture

Kudos, dude...




Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:37 | 3326768 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

This thread is going places! I just hope it's not purgatory!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:05 | 3327866 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


This thread is going places! I just hope it's not purgatory!

The comment count decrement from earlier values indicates that part of this thread is already in purgatory.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:09 | 3327871 akak
akak's picture

For the love of God, PLEASE don't tell me that that power-mad 'moderator' Ynot2k (who is anything but moderate) from the Kitco forum is now one of the Tylers!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:44 | 3326811 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

No, I think Bunga, Bunga bought...................no, no I mean won the election. Phew that was close but I think I got away with it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:19 | 3326609 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

They are motivated to make up their minds quickly, because each successive day, they are given less to eat, and the comfort of their living accomodations is reduced, until a decision is reached. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:21 | 3326628 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

I thought the reason is that they might be afraid that every day passes without a papal decision, the Dow would close red. And NOBODY can afford that.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:25 | 3326663 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

Time to find out who shepherds the flock through armageddon. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:51 | 3326854 RSBriggs
RSBriggs's picture

No.  Prophecy says that this Pope is only the next-to-last.  The next Pope does armageddon.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:37 | 3327672 Jake88
Jake88's picture

Yeah and the prostitutes are sent away and the liquor dries up.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:20 | 3326618 akak
akak's picture


OMFG he just walked out, it's LLOYD BLANKFEIN!

Well, after all, everyone knows that Lloyd does "God's work".

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:54 | 3326878 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

Actually, since he's late, I wonder if Obama is the new pope?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:21 | 3326619 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

No you big silly, they said pope not poop.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:28 | 3326683 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

It may not be Lloyd but make no mistake Lloyd and his masters helped pick him

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:38 | 3326766 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

I'd like to see an audit of the Vatican Bank almost as much as I'd like to see an audit of the gold in Fort Knox.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:41 | 3326797 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

A Cardinal Rule is always pick a Pope that every Cardinal gets along with.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:45 | 3326818 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Lloyd = Caiaphus

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:39 | 3326775 NoClueSneaker
NoClueSneaker's picture

No freakin' way . I see the grey hair waving in the wind of

HFT-naked-shorts Providence ....

It's Jamie .....


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:20 | 3326620 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

and if it stays standing it means BUY MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:52 | 3326863 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I said Pope not dope!


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:14 | 3326564 EmmittFitzhume
EmmittFitzhume's picture


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:15 | 3326578 thexperience
thexperience's picture

That would be Popium

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:16 | 3326587 redpill
redpill's picture

Pope and change?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 14:18 | 3326597 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture


My call: the Argentinian or the Austrian.

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