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Cognitive Dissonance Of The Day: "Don't Be Depressed", Just Ignore Reality

Tyler Durden's picture


For all those who have the displeasure of trying to reconcile the cognitive dissonance of a record high stock market, and European employment at 2006 levels, here is some more fuel to the fire from Germany's Finance Minister:


This is precisely the pep talk that the just announced record high number of unemployed Greek and Spanish youth needs.



Chart: Bloomberg


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Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:44 | 3329258 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

just think S&P 1700 and you will feel better / s

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:46 | 3329260 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

you're missing a zero.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:07 | 3329319 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

See? There's a bull market somewhere!!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:22 | 3329363 Pareto
Pareto's picture

and i promise to find one just for you.  i'm jim the fucktard kramer, and i'll see you tomorrow!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:43 | 3329421 Manthong
Manthong's picture

It is going to be a very hot summer in Greece.

Have a tall, cool Löwenbräu, Herr Schaeuble.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:20 | 3329543 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

File Under: Stuff Managements Have Told Us.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:28 | 3329571 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

That sure is a nice linear growth trend. They are so easy to project into the future! We are right on target for 100% Greek youth unemployment in September 2016.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 13:47 | 3330037 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

110% if one projects linearly....ahem

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:48 | 3329267 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Let them eat cake (or Chinese river pork gyros).....

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:58 | 3329297 Dexter Morgan
Dexter Morgan's picture

Let them eat horses!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:23 | 3329370 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Let them eat Ikea Poop Cake.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:55 | 3329661 uno
uno's picture

while smoking kitty litter cigars

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:45 | 3329259 Squishi
Squishi's picture

Buy Insurance!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:47 | 3329264 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The definition of insane.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:14 | 3329338 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

This guy could toss a bum's salad and convince himself that it was an ice cream cone!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:47 | 3329265 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Commentary from Schaeuble is endorsed by the Ministry of Plenty.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:52 | 3329268 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Don't worry! Be happy mon, DOW gwan up another +50 YA MON! Roll up de spliff!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:49 | 3329271 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

So, it looks like today will be - what - the TENTH consecutive record breaking session in a row.

Whoever is sitting with his hands on the controls... he doesn't think he's slightly overdoing this? I mean, I go to the casino, there's fuck all chance I will win 10 times in a row putting it all on black.

But hey, apparently not even basics of statistics apply to the equities markets.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:51 | 3329274 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

You win 10x in a row, the hotel will be offering you free lobster dinners, hookers, and blow sooooooooooooo quickly to get you TF out of their Casino it will make your head spin. 


Oddddddddd ..... this sounds very similar to the S&P.  Apparently what happens in Vegas now says in NEw York.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:09 | 3329325 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

10 days on top of FOUR years,  1460 + 10  = 1470 Nice Rig.  

1352 stock riggers


Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:28 | 3329385 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

This isn't a normal casino. In this casino, the bosses control the games and change the rules whenever and however they want, and those bosses have been told by their bosses to let the customers win ten in a row.

Eventually they'll be told to rip the customers' faces off.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 12:55 | 3329847 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Bernanke is keeping his play on BLACK. Somone will have to physically remove him from the controls. Pry his hands off of the joy stick.

I do actually think that even the banks are starting to question Bernanke's strategy and behavior. I mean Greenspan actually admitted to it publicly on CNBC...much to Fat Maria's shock. Now on CNBC everyone just assumes the Fed buying 85B a month is acceptable.

The baks don't mind if they get bailed out for 5 years....just don't go on TV and tell everybody how you are doing it. The peasants might revolt.

To maintain any credibility, this ES needs a good, hard, 2% retracement. That'll keep 'em honest.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:50 | 3329272 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Don't let Ratheon know the kids are looking for something do do. I mean to do.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:54 | 3329279 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Ummmmmm.......excuse me, but did someone ring?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:55 | 3329288 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

YesNoYesNoYesNoYesNoYesNoYesNo  etc

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:33 | 3329588 Drachma
Drachma's picture

There once was a message more precious than gold

But the ears it fell upon, their attention they did withhold

You see the message didn't appeal to their crafted ideal

And so the death of the messenger's foretold

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:53 | 3329281 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

In other cognitive dissonance news, Bloomberg Comfort Index in highest reading since last April.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:54 | 3329285 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

That graph should be labelled: Brewing Violent Insurrection.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:59 | 3329300 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Too broke to fill up the Molotovs.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:08 | 3329323 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

I get the impression from my visits to Greece that theft is not a completely alien practice there. The first taxi I rode there made that abundantly clear.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:22 | 3329364 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The Joker likes gasoline because it's cheap.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:30 | 3329392 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

If only there were a Dollar Menu for molotov cocktails...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:55 | 3329286 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

He's right, you know....


...Revolutionary fervor is not depression.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 09:56 | 3329290 e m m
e m m's picture

Looks like the fair price will be discovered at another new all time high today. Web crawling sentiment analysis strategies must be throwing positive signals thanks to the new pope. But if there are really bears out there that are throwing in the towel because of these, they look equivalently gay.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:52 | 3329464 Key-Rick
Key-Rick's picture

Finally, someone has the good sense to mention the President Of Pedophiles Everywhere.  We need some distraction from all this Wall Street euphoria.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:03 | 3329309 JailBank
JailBank's picture

This shouldn't be a problem.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:12 | 3329328 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I like the arrow on that chart. In case you are too fucking dense, or denial has you by the throat, THE YOUTH UNEMPLOYMENT ARROW IS GOING IN AN UPWARDS DIRECTION, MY FELLOW BITCHEZ!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:27 | 3329382 falak pema
falak pema's picture

can you imagine all those young guys with hard ons and nothing to wet their teeth/teats on! 

Awesome waste of glandular thick paste. Poetry of lust gone dark in sterile dust notwithstanding.

"That was the greatest crime of all...then you fall great Caesar, in the potent semen of Pompei's statue... or is it his piss?"

Such be the fate of Oligarchs who make a young generation jerk off into sweet nothings of unemployment hibernation. Their rage is all the more vengeful. 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:14 | 3329339 Broomer
Broomer's picture

It started to explode in Mar-Apr 2009.

It's also very regular. Some powerful force is operating here.

I wonder what is the cause.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:37 | 3329415 DOT
DOT's picture

Causality or triviality doesn't matter It's Funny:

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:20 | 3329352 Lewshine
Lewshine's picture

The Fed understands the power of advertising, and it is on this concept the market continues to advertise itself. Ben figures each point towards the heavens is worth X, and will force Y to make an investment. You have to remember, we are called consumers for a reason - Pound the public long enough and they will take the bait. Its just a matter of time before we read: "Middleclass investor comes back". That's what this whole rally is about. The Fed always wins - Always! 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:28 | 3329379 Winston of Oceania
Winston of Oceania's picture

All central planners go out this way, throughout time. The people will only stand for so much and then no one will trust banks, they will keep their money and worthless script to themselves as credit and bank accounts will regain it's loathsome regard.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 12:24 | 3329750 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Define "wins". It the long run we are all....well you know...

The Bernanke ain't gonna win....but the US taxpayer will lose.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:21 | 3329357 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Maybe they need to wear a white bracelet to remind them of their white privilege.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:36 | 3329413 yrad
yrad's picture

I'm at the airport headed to Ireland. Pray for me.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:53 | 3329472 e-recep
e-recep's picture

happy TSA groping.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:35 | 3329591 Lord Blankcheck
Lord Blankcheck's picture

And Gov shakedown when you return.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:17 | 3329531 Vooter
Vooter's picture

I love Ireland. Of course, I don't love the TSA or flying...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 12:22 | 3329740 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

The Guinness IS actually better over there.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:38 | 3329418 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Well....until they lose.

The grand experiment is just about over. I fully expect the STHF at the end of the year when the perfect storm arrives. Americans will feel the sodomy of a government gone mad. Your Obamacare will cost 15k a family. Only the dirt poor will get a break. The FED will be stuck with 4 trillion in treasury and mortgage debt. The debt will be over 17T and interest rates will be rising. Inflation and yields cannot be massaged or hidden any longer.The sodomite will leave office and Nero will be on the golf course next Jan.

It's gonna be great. I can't wait to hear the liberal fucktard whine. It will be awesome!



Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:59 | 3329493 Bingfa
Bingfa's picture

+1 and everybody I know... we just think it will reach boiling temperature this summer.

They got no where to go from here....

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:34 | 3329587 W74
W74's picture

Inner-city violence actually hit a trough last year in terms of wanton assaults, rapes, armed robberies and flash-mobs.  Murders were still high.  The rest of the "lesser" crimes will pick back up in a hurry and the flash mobs we saw in 2011 will cycle back into occurrance.  Shopkeepers had a break last summer, this summer they'll feel the storm. 

My biggest hope is that a few intrepid shop keepers (even better if Korean or Indian instead of 'evil Whitey') cap a handful of Trayvons with unpaid for bags of Chips and Pepsis in their hands and hoodie pockets.  Let the world see the footage and let the US take sides along the oh-so-obvious battle lines.  Team A will shout "dey wuz a bunch uh guud boyz who di'int do nuffinz" and Team B will point out the footage and proof yet still get reamed by the mainstream media.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:47 | 3329645 Bingfa
Bingfa's picture

Oklahoma house of Representatives pass Obamacare nullification bill.....

Red state-----Blue state.... divide and conquer

Guns and Obamacare

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 14:47 | 3330263 eddymunster
eddymunster's picture

We can only hope (and change) he mirrors nero.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:54 | 3329475 Bingfa
Bingfa's picture

Colorado Democrats are ready to spark a revolution....

This is a preview of your summer....along with Obamacare surprises....


Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:04 | 3329504 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Who needs a gun when you can beat the evildoers with bongs?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 10:59 | 3329487 e-recep
e-recep's picture

the streets and the squares are full of people walking. they sometimes sit down at coffee shops and sip their €2-3 coffees for hours, then start walking again. most of them are in their 20s and early 30s. man, this generation is totally fucked. they have no savings, no jobs, no kids, nothing.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:27 | 3329567 W74
W74's picture

Yes, and eventually those aimless walkers will coalesce into not-so-aimless mobs once people start sitting down and 'really' talking to each other. 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:04 | 3329506 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

There's no time to be depressed when you have to spend all day looking for scraps of food in dumpsters it occupies your mind. 

If anyone doesn't understand why the US wants to get rid of guns BEFORE this happens in the states you're not thinking very clearly.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:15 | 3329526 Bingfa
Bingfa's picture

"a total of 532 people were murdered."

All with illegal guns and almost all Black/hispanic

And every "LEGAL" gun owner is aware of this

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:25 | 3329559 W74
W74's picture

Just wait until the violence starts.  Greeks are notorious for letter/package bombs, assinations, and arson of homes and businesses....just to make a point.

Once a few kids start lighting off fireworks the whole block is going to start doing it, too.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:25 | 3329562 Lordflin
Lordflin's picture

Career thieves never stop on their own volition... And it never occurs to them that should they ever be able to steal it all they will be left in the same boat as everyone else... The only way to stop such creatures is with force...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:32 | 3329580 recidivist
recidivist's picture

Curve will flatten, cannot go over 100%...


Embrace the malaise...The PROGRAM thrives on MISERY.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:37 | 3329600 Anasteus
Anasteus's picture

Just wondering it's just Shaeuble who is comforting us. This guy reversed 180. I remember him proclaiming 'no way' on almost every controversial topic his fellow cronies were trying to enforce some time ago.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 11:50 | 3329635 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

I started to write this in English, but then thought it would be more compelling in German.


Die Eurokrise ist den Leistungsbilanzunterschieden der europäischen Volkswirtschaften geschuldet. Zur Auflösung des Dilemmas gibt es grob gesagt vier Möglichkeiten:

1. eine Absenkung des Preis- und Lohnniveaus in den Krisenstaaten
2. eine Anhebung des Preis- und Lohnniveaus in den solventen Staaten
3. Transferzahlungen durch die solventen Staaten
4. Rückkehr zu den nationalen Währungen oder zu kleineren Währungsverbünden.

Die unsäglichen Auswirkungen von Möglichkeit 1 sehen wir jetzt in Griechenland, wie der Artikel gerade dokumentiert. Die zweite Variante würde uns (Deutschlands) unsere Wettbewerbsfähigkeit kosten. Option drei wird von Regierung und Opposition angestrebt, wird aber langfristig genauso zu Zerfall der Währungsunion führen. Die Möglichkeit 4 wird aus politischen Gründen - und nicht aus Gründen der Vernunft- nicht in Erwägung gezogen, obwohl es die einzige humane Möglichkeit ist die Probleme zu lösen. Sorry, aber Leid und Hoffnungslosigkeit in den Krisenstaaten sind mir ebenso zuwider wie unüberschaubare Zahlungen aus den solventen Staaten die langfristig die gleiche zerstörerische Wirkung haben werden. Es scheint aber nun doch eine Alternative zu geben, nämlich die Alternative für Deutschland. Einfach mal nach Professor Lucke googeln.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 15:09 | 3330347 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

I go for 3, coze MD will come up for it. If it's not sufficient Ben will help with USD swaps, nothing to worry about.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 15:14 | 3330374 akak
akak's picture

Yes, very compelling indeed --- all the capital letters and formidably Teutonic polysyllabic words are intimidating as Hell.

Why do you Germans capitalize every other word, though?  Quite odd, I must say.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 15:19 | 3330383 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

so, Prof. Lucke is organizing yet another meaningless, minority, protest-party in Germany?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:38 | 3330819 Brit_Abroad
Brit_Abroad's picture

Ja, aber wie weit können/durfen die AfD kommen ?

Ich stimme dir aber 100% zu was die 4 möglichkeiten betrifft.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 12:05 | 3329687 Hongcha
Hongcha's picture

Molotov cocktails may just be the recipe for urban brawls, what with these foolish tin cans the cops are insisting on driving into the mob.  Could get interesting.  I bet a little Uozo would add to the aroma; or perhaps a dash of Retsina.

My short position blows.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 15:06 | 3330338 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

As long as those unemployed youngsters can afford their DSL connection are smartfone contract, all is fine. Do not worry, it won't take long, that it will be part of SS to come up for this. Business as usual and: trust in Wolfi, he is right, Mario D. gave him carte blanche.

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