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The Complete History Of JPMorgan's "Monstrous" Derivative Risks And Abuses - The Full Senate Report

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Curious what according to Jamie Dimon is just a "tempest in a teapot", or, alternatively, why Mr. Dimon is richer than pretty much all of you, here is the full 307 page report that explains everything, including all the events that transpired at the JPM CIO office, all the trades that led up to the "monstrous" Whale portfolio, leading to an epic prop trade failure, coupled with countless lies and misrepresentations to regulators, to investors, to the public, and to politicians, many of which under oath. Oh yes, free Jamie Dimon!

Finally, we are happy that our small contribution to exposing the catastrophic JPM TBTF prop trading behavior made its way into the report, and specifically footnote 1442.

 

 

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Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330865 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

And the consequences are???

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330873 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Lets kill that CUNT

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:05 | 3330912 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

It's almost time to deploy the false flag, me thinks.  I'm betting it's a "foreign" cyber attack that makes all this evidence magically disappear, meanwhile mobilizing the country against, oh, let's say China.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:08 | 3330928 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

No, it's Uzbekistan. They harbor cyber-terrorists like there's no tomorrow.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:16 | 3330963 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

It's those 30 members left of Al Queeda or the filthy Taleebon! 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:23 | 3330971 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Interestingly this report paints 'the London Whale' in a pretty good light so far...could it be that the real puppet masters were elsewhere??

 

In calculating the $500 million “all-in” figure, Mr. Iksil repeatedly used the words “hit,” “lag,” and “loss” in connection with the three credit indices he was analyzing. Despite his analysis discussing hundreds of millions of dollars in cumulative losses, at the end of the day on March 19, the CIO reported internally an SCP daily loss of only $3 million

....then later...

Mr. Martin-Artajo: “Yeah, don’t understand your logic, mate. I just don’t understand. I’ve told Achilles. He told me that he didn’t want to show the loss until we know what we are going to do tomorrow. But it doesn’t matter. I know that you have a problem; you want to be at peace with yourself. It’s ok, Bruno, ok, it’s alright. I know that you are in a hard position here."

...

Finally, Mr. Iksil apologized to Mr. Martin-Artajo for creating more work for him with Ms. Drew, but also reaffirmed his belief that the CIO needed to get its marks closer to market value, stating: “we had to get closer to where the market is even if the market is wrong.”

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:34 | 3331009 CH1
CH1's picture

could it be that the real puppet masters were elsewhere??

Umm... did you mist the part where it's a Senate Report?

You were expecting truth? .... from rulers?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:44 | 3331062 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I was saying that rhetorically.

Umm... did you mist the part where it's a Senate Report?

The Senate report is excellent so far, pretty much a smoking gun. How much of it will come out in soundbites tomorrow is another matter..

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:10 | 3331106 CH1
CH1's picture

I was saying that rhetorically.

I was just riffing off of it. Sorry if I was insulting.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:34 | 3331020 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Who's working for them and who's working for the NWO and who's working for the people of the world. I need to get my bets straight here.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330967 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Spring is almost here.

Last time I can remember things this openly fucked up was when Rumsfeld had to own up to losing $3T.

Fun's a comin'!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:22 | 3331132 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

The Year of the Snake... Whodathunkit!?!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:23 | 3330973 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I heard Obama's going to Israel next week, and he now says Iran is "one year away" from a nuke. Something's in the air, but that could just be the stench of bullshit.

EDIT: Actually, I just read Obama and Biden will be out of the country next week at the same time. Plausible deniability, bitchez?

http://www.politico.com/politico44/2013/03/obama-and-biden-abroad-at-the...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:52 | 3331078 TooBearish
TooBearish's picture

Iran has been 1 yr away from having nukes for the last 10 years

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:59 | 3331192 PersonalRespons...
PersonalResponsibility's picture

"It was 2 minutes 5 minutes ago."

http://youtu.be/RU2zlSfkdE8?t=55s

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:22 | 3331252 BoNeSxxx
BoNeSxxx's picture

I don't know if leaving the country is necessary for plausible deniability...

Lil' GW Bush just went to Florida and read a book to some kids while the cameras rolled.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:43 | 3331058 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Just when you thought it couldn't get anymore obvious....

 

Two days ago we get this:

http://www.salon.com/2013/03/12/russian_hackers_release_sensitive_inform...

 

Yesterday this story from RT:

Pentagon creates 13 offensive cyber teams for worldwide attacks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Prbu3Dsgzk&feature=em-uploademail

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:45 | 3331160 Rehab Willie
Rehab Willie's picture

"almost time to deploy the false flag"........Kind of like that building that went down on 9/11 that no one talks about or remembers.  the one that had offices for the SEC, IRS, INS, CIA .....

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:06 | 3330918 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Check out pg 111 lol

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:09 | 3330936 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Martial Law is hours away.

Jamie Dimon: "If I were the Dictator, I would place JP Morgan above the law and knight Mr. Dimon."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330878 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

bonuses for everyone!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:06 | 3330886 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

"And the consequences are???"

Why, the bigger and longer gold and silver bull markets than even the most imaginative of us here can, or even could imagine (if we were much more imaginative than we are). Derivatives are just the means, and the big banks know it better than we do.

The consequences for JP et al - that really depends on us. Hanging? Burning on stake? Sexual capital punishments? ... Our choice.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:09 | 3330937 Tinky
Tinky's picture

"Sexual capital punishments?"

Does that mean that they'll be flogged in Bangkok?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:16 | 3330960 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Circular saw castration, death by dildo, that sort of thing.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:49 | 3331070 Catfish
Catfish's picture

Stake, rope, fire ant colony.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:03 | 3331210 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

He, he! "Death by dildo". I don't know why it's so funny, but it just is.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:12 | 3330946 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Obama to Dimon,"You need me."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:23 | 3331255 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Obama to Dimon,"You need me."

 

Or..

 

Dimon to Obama, "You need me."

 

Or..

 

Obama to Dimon, "You need me?"

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330888 Loretta8
Loretta8's picture

everyone but the people responsible get fucked

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:10 | 3330939 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Seems you're familiar with the script.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:07 | 3330901 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Since JPM is the FOUNDING bank for the Federal Reserve and THE LARGEST SHAREHOLER (allegedly), they can send representatives into your house, shoot your dogs and cats, rape your wife and daughter, steal your retirement, break your legs, taser your grandmother for shits and giggles and still get a TARP grant for $100 billion.

 

Of course why do all the violent stuff when they can order the Federal Government to do that for them and their Rockefeller ill gotten brethren in the Eurotrash globalist banking system can skim off your earnings by assisting to manipulate the allegedly "free markets" by changing the Matrix at will.

 

 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:07 | 3330924 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

"And the consequences are???"

Well, the US taxpayer gets screwed of course.

That's always the result, haven't you noticed?

Do you really think these bought and paid for prostitutes are actually going to do anything?  There is merely a show of "look look!  We actually are really really serious about doinng something, honest we are!"

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:18 | 3330970 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Just think how bad it really is, if this is their attempt at damage control.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:28 | 3331003 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

I already know how bad it is.

The nation is bankrupt.  Basically it takes in about 14% of it's official debt per year in tax revenue, and has no way to expand the revenue, meanwhile the debt has increased on average at 9.4% a year since 1971.

16.7 * (1.094^4) = 23.9 trillion dollars for the national debt by the end of Obama's presidency.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330929 Arisu
Arisu's picture

If you want consequences, start by:

* withdrawing all money from JPM/GS, if any,
* paying more attention who you're supporting with your money, directly or indirectly, when spending it, and
* helping others to get out of the system.

They have nothing to fear as long as every sheep silently supports them by not giving a shit.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330976 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

The problem are not the sheep that may keep meager amounts in their individual accounts.

The problem are the corporations  that have 401k feduciary accounts on behalf of their employees with JPM. Think of all that money under their control, without the indiividual account holder able to transfer those funds.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:45 | 3331053 Arisu
Arisu's picture

True words.

Still, the awareness that the sum of all financial transactions majorly forms the power structures of this world, is severely lacking. If this was otherwise, I'd have good hopes that the change of mind would eventually reach even into the decision making of industrial councils.

In the end, if this is not understood, even a violent solution might just lead to evildoer B taking the place of evildoer A, as the structual flaws will remain and again lead to the same concentration of power and wealth waiting to be taken hold of.

It's the same reason why it was a bad idea to bail out banks: the general public was deprived of a chance to truly readapt their view and thinking, so the acceleration into ruin continues. Since the government isn't interested in changing this path, the people need to do it themselves.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:15 | 3330955 yogibear
yogibear's picture

A top cabinet position in the Obama administration.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330868 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Haven't read  the report but does it match what has been previously presented here about JPM's derivative exposure; aka around 90 T ?

Now I'll read it...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330870 SWCroaker
SWCroaker's picture

You have to vote for the report before you can see what's in it...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330872 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

It makes me feel confident that 'Levin' is on the case looking for wrondoing...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330980 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Levin, Levin like his money.

He makes a lot they say.

Spends his days counting

In a garage by the motorway.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:56 | 3330875 caimen garou
caimen garou's picture

it's going to take a few good Krugmans, Oh I mean craps to read that report. I'm sure it's full of everything we already know!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330880 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

terrorist in a teapot

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330887 Tie-The-Tubes
Tie-The-Tubes's picture

Consequences - Jamie has to buy the first round of scotch at the country club this weekend for his buddies in Congress

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330889 fuu
fuu's picture

This violates the Dimon Principle.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:01 | 3330893 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

How powerful are you if your trading rates a 307 page senate report and you can still walk around free?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:04 | 3330906 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Almost as powerful as Corzine who can vaporize his clients segregated money without so much as rude word coming to him.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330966 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Look up J.P. Morgan....1932

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:21 | 3331130 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Yep!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:00 | 3330894 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Simply shocking.  NOT ...I will rush home to watch the telly for more info about when charges will be filed! I think Tyler is just trying to make us puke.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:02 | 3330895 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

I'm sorry, but I'm getting "fraud fatigue".  Wake me up when a bankster gets the guillotine.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:05 | 3330900 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Do they mention JP Morgan's monstrous silver short?

No??  I thought so> Bernanke would disapprove if that was exposed.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:05 | 3330911 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

They say that's for a "client."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:03 | 3330902 resurger
resurger's picture

"Mr. Iksil later told the JPMorgan Chase Task Force  investigation that he had not beenable to sell as much credit protection as he would have liked (which would have generated morecarry and profits to keep pace with the high yield rally). He said that two risk metrics – the“VaR” and “CS01” – prevented him from doing so."

hahahahaha!

Leveraging up to 100bn on Super Senior Tranche was not enuff, maybe the 400bn would do?!

Next time.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:06 | 3330920 HD
HD's picture

"Mr. Dimon is richer than pretty much all of you"

Not for long.  I made a massive investment in union made Twinkies and will be selling them on eBay for eight grand each.

I'm movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 23:28 | 3331591 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

Well done HD. Your movin' on up!

 

You finally got a piece of the (twinkie) pie.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:07 | 3330926 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Zerohedge makes it to footnote #1442...

I think it's safe to say that ZH and all of loyal readership is officially being tracked by DHS, NSA, CIA, FBI, etc.  We are, after all, financial terrorists.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:25 | 3330995 fuu
Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:45 | 3331165 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

I downed him Mr. DHS sir -  put that into my permanent file please.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:08 | 3330931 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

This is like watching the first ten minutes of a movie and then telling your date exactly how it will end. And sure enough...

The bank’s initial claims that its risk managers and regulators were fully informed and engaged, and that the SCP was invested in long-term, risk-reducing hedges allowed by the Volcker Rule, were fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner.

But Jamie and company lived happily ever after. Commence vomiting.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:08 | 3330932 CalibratedConfidence
CalibratedConfidence's picture

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:16 | 3330961 HD
HD's picture

I hope Tyler doesn't end up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:36 | 3331299 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

nope.  if this is his first offence, he just moved up a notch or two on the hit list; or maybe 'to be droned' list.  and that's not funny at all.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:21 | 3330977 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Hehe they actually cited this fringe tinfoil hat wearing low brow second rate blog (not real news like Bloomberg) as source information in the Senate report. Congratulations you just graduated and can remove your training propeller from your tinfoil cap.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:35 | 3331012 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I like the propeller on mine since it helps keep the mosquito-sized drones away.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:14 | 3331108 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Conversation in the Senate:

"So, yeah, see where it says here 'zerohedge.com', yeah, well, I went to the site and there's some pretty good stuff on there, not sure if a lot of it makes sense to me, but what was really weird was the comments...  they were all just like 'Fuck You Bernanke' 'Fuck You Bernanke' 'Fuck You Bernanke' 'Fuck You Bernanke'..."

 

Awesome job Tyler, keep pulling their pants down amigo!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:26 | 3331269 monad
monad's picture

Now you know who the down voting trolls are.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 03:26 | 3331777 e-recep
e-recep's picture

hahaha, the name "Tyler Durden" actually made it into an official document.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:13 | 3330948 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Only 301 pages ?   My 6th grade book report on Moby Dick was slightly longer ...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:15 | 3330956 Tinky
Tinky's picture

Yes, but to be fair, you were writing about a much more impressive whale.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:33 | 3331016 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

True, which allowed me to really impress the nuns with my extensive exegesis on "The Whiteness of the Whale" chapter, you know, all things at once pure and impure, innocent and ineffable, etc.  Earned at least two extra candy bars for that.    I now realize the entire novel was a cautionary tale against meaningless, self-aggrandizing pursuits of terrible, elusive beasts, just like my current (attempted) profession as a trader.  Oh, well . . .

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:19 | 3330975 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

And it probably read similar since both had whales, which were being pursued.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:14 | 3330953 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Put Jamie Dimon in cuffs.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:26 | 3330997 HD
HD's picture

He likes that sort of thing...

You want to punish him - make him walk to work everyday.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:36 | 3331024 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Put Jamie Dimon in presidential seal cuff-links. Oh wait...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330965 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Obama rewards Jamie by giving him a top cabinet position.

No surprise in the den of liars and thieves. 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330968 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

IT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL.

http://motorcitymuckraker.com/2013/03/13/detroiters-pledge-uprising-duri...

Detroiters pledge uprising during state takeover: ‘Make sure you are prepared and you will survive’

Councilman Kwame Kenyatta and a packed room of Detroiters warned today of an impending revolt against state intervention, urging residents to stock up on canned food and supplies.

“Even the Bloods in the hood fight for their territory,” Kenyatta said during a 20-minute monologue on the civil rights struggle at today’s city council meeting. “You are going to have to drag me out of here for me to leave.”

Kenyatta cited Frederick Douglass, a former slave who became an intellectual and civil rights icon, because of his position that black people must sacrifice their lives, if necessary, to win freedom and the right to vote. Many in the audience stood up and applauded.

One by one, Detroiters pledged to take to the streets once Gov. Rick Snyder appoints an emergency manager, which is expected Thursday or Friday. Others threatened to block the entrance of city hall.

“Save up and purchase food, canned goods and water because you are going to see a new civil rights movement,” pledged Marie Thornton, a former Detroit Public Schools Board member. “I won’t give up my right to vote. We are going to shut down freeways and we are going to disrupt the economic system.”

Added Valerie Glenn, a community activist: “Make sure you are prepared and you will survive.”

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:22 | 3330984 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

At this point, let em' rot.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:23 | 3331136 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

At this point, let em' r(i)ot.

Now you're talking.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:23 | 3330989 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

..we are going to disrupt the economic system....

Newsflash Kwame if there was anything resembling that going on in Detroit the state wouldn't be taking it over.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:59 | 3331088 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

So a union backed "taken it to the streets" protest is going to come up against their largest employer of unionized staff.

 

Maybe some of those $10 per hour tent dwellers from OWS days can hang out and protest in some of Detroit's friendlier neighborhoods.

 

Regardless, get the Orville Redenbacher and some 3D glasses.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330978 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Days like this I wish I believed in one of those silly middle eastern Abrahamic death cults - at least I could sleep at night 'knowing' that these greedy swine were going to the hot place. 

Oh well, will just have to wait for the revolution I suppose...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:28 | 3331002 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

the trades are not done and more will come of this story....jpm is going to be looking over the abyss soon enough....and all dimon's millions will not save him.....

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:42 | 3331027 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Finally, we (Tylers) are happy. Well don't F'n rest in peace now that you have the ball rolling. Congratulations.

1442 “‘London Whale’ Rattles Debt Market,” Wall Street Journal, Gregory Zuckerman and Katy Burne (4/6/2012).

See also “JPMorgan Trader Accused Of ‘Breaking’ CDS Index Market With Massive Prop Position,” Zero Hedge

[blog], “Tyler Durden” (4/5/2012), http://www.zerohedge.com/print/446043.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 22:40 | 3331530 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

IMO, this reference is huge, as it speaks volumes on the credibility of a 'fringe blog' that deserves to be spread far and wide. Perhaps those MSM-watchers might take a look at a (this) blog site and realize there is some high quality out there, with ZH leading the financial pack.

Any references to Fox News, CNBC, NBC, CBS in that report? NOPE. Crickets chirping there.

Kudos to ZH...this is great news.

 

 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:37 | 3331031 Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

1) Create horribly complicated, opaque, mysterious financial instruments

2) Fail to set aside assets to cover / redeem said instruments.

3) Sell them to others who do not understand them

4) Lie about what they're worth

5) Watch the markets turn against you; lie some more

6) News gets out you're lying; lie some more, lie to "regulators", lie about consequences

7) Keep lying. Get caught out in multiple, connected, complex, opaque lies about what you've done.

That about cover it?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:41 | 3331049 HD
HD's picture

You missed eight...

8) Get away with everything scott free.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 22:19 | 3331492 OldE_Ant
OldE_Ant's picture

Rewrite (8)  Pay a token fine (1% of profits) as punishment, admit NO wrongdoing, and get away with the remaining 99% SCOTT FREE!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:38 | 3331037 Ardeet
Ardeet's picture

TL;DR We can. You can't. They won't stop us. You can't stop us. Resume the bent over position.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:40 | 3331044 Getting Old Sucks
Getting Old Sucks's picture

Gee, I wonder if this means that JPMChase will lose the EBT contract with the Government?  That will tell you whether this is all bullshit or not.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:12 | 3331107 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Yeah man, THAT will tell us if this is all bullshit! 

We need to stop trying to make sense of this stuff, that is where they have us. We keep trying to conceive of justice, consequences, punishment. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

There is nothing to figure out, they are all thieves with guns at our heads (trying to take our guns from us). They put a great deal of effort into distracting us because it is cheaper than killing us all.

 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:42 | 3331055 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Banzai-7 is gonna have a hey day with this one...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:47 | 3331069 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Inspite of this JPM declares mega corporate profits in 2012...we are in never never land; where lies the truth?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:00 | 3331090 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

We are in never never land; where lies are the truth.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:56 | 3331083 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

Did anyone know : Valérie Giscard d'Estaing is stil alive. He's on TV now.. I thought he died like 35 yeaars ago.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:00 | 3331089 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Treasury Secretary Dimon will fix this.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:06 | 3331098 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Poor Obama. He must feel so betrayed.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:08 | 3331101 IamtheREALmario
IamtheREALmario's picture

A. This is exactly why there should be no corporate veil protecting criminal CEOs. CEOs must be personally liable for the actions of their company, and especially their own actions ... and THAT is why they get paid the big bucks. Now Dimon gets the big buck for being a sniveling parasite. Unfortunately he gets to buy favor and protection from the government with the money that his bank creates out of thin air. Seems wrong, no?

B. International banks have single handedly killed every free market. There are no free markets anymore. Big banks determine all stock an commodity prices. They even get to be bailed out on their sugar positions by the governments, when they have priced sugar above the market.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:12 | 3331110 The Invisible Foot
The Invisible Foot's picture

Wow, Bloomberg's shitty guests just basically said "Who cares! The stock markets are up, the bank stocks are up, people are making a big deal out of nothing, that happened along time ago." Bloomberg's starting to smell like Cramers fat sweat.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:14 | 3331113 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Who cares. 

The stock market is making a new high everyday!... this is the only thing that matters.

 

 

sarc/off

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:15 | 3331114 chump666
chump666's picture

haha with the I-got-your-back Federal Reserve, nothing will happen to JPMorgan

But some lunatic may do this: http://terrorism.about.com/od/originshistory/p/WallStreetBomb.htm

 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:21 | 3331125 khakuda
khakuda's picture

ZH should have won a journalistic award for their coverage of this at the time. Outstanding analysis, way out in front of MSM in breaking story, etc.

That analysis and coverage was what convinced me that this site is a must read. Invaluable blog guys.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:49 | 3331175 PERSAE
PERSAE's picture

+ ~

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:21 | 3331129 The Invisible Foot
The Invisible Foot's picture

"The stock market is not in a bubble because the earnings are there!" - Dipshit who's making millions/billions on the Fed's printing.

"Thank god the FED put a floor under housing so we can recover!" - Same Dipshit

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:38 | 3331148 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

This is obvious graft and criminality and there IS no justice and I know why.

Many will see this as evidence of corruption at the highest levels and it is, but what does it mean? We have been seeing people and businesses (banks) for years now, publicly vilified by the press and our great leader, yet they persist and get even richer and more powerful. How can this be?

It is happening because they want it to happen. They want us disgusted and untrusting of anyone, especially those in power. One would think this to be insane, right? Deliberately induce people to not trust you or anything you touch?

Exactly.

Chaos, leading to fatigue, and ultimately surrender for anyone seeking to subscribe to the old rules of hard work, honesty and a moral code. They want us to give up. They already have their minions to follow and sycophantly adore them. We are the sand in their bearings. We are what emanates the screeching sounds as their horrible wheels go round. We must stop, be silenced for their machine to function properly. Those that contribute to our new daily records on Wall Street are providing the grease for their wheels and by the time all of the grease is gone, they will have delivered us to their destination.

The people that depend on these criminals will accept anything, believe anything and ultimately do anything to preserve what they know to be a lie. But in their mind, what choice do they have? For many of us we don't have a lot and granted we would like to keep it, but on reflection, to lose it all would not be losing a lot. These guys though, they have it all. They can never go back. They will and have sold their soul and will do the same with ours.

Yes, this is obvious graft and criminality and there IS no justice and I know why.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:42 | 3331162 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture


I can hardly wait to see how the MSM spins this into positive bullish news.

“That’s right Maria, and Jamie just told me personally that’s why he put new management and controls in place, to ensure this can never happen again.”

”I see Dan, no doubt that’s one of the reasons JPM’s stock is performing so well lately; let’s take a look at the chart.”

“But Maria, didn’t Jamie plagiarize himself before Congress.”

“Cut! Would someone fire this f^&cking intern already.”

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:55 | 3331183 Getting Old Sucks
Getting Old Sucks's picture

Don't hold your breath.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:37 | 3331302 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I'd like to hear the translator explaining to the politicians exactly what exactly is going on.

It's easy to tell lies and get away with it when no one has a fucking clue what you're doing let alone understand it.  And now that it's been done...well you better just let me take care of it or ill sink everything.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:37 | 3331304 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

Sooo, whats gonna be done about it???

Nuttun, thas what!!!!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 22:40 | 3331528 nbsharma
nbsharma's picture

Tyler(s), awesome. Congrats on the mention!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 01:13 | 3331665 Arkadaba
Arkadaba's picture

I love you guys!

For fun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Uc3ZrmhDN4

 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 03:28 | 3331781 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

face it. They is smarter then us.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 04:42 | 3331811 dojufitz
dojufitz's picture

What kills me about serial killers (no pun intended) - they always kill the people who don;t matter......

do some homework and make a name for yourself......

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:35 | 3380865 Mototard at Large
Mototard at Large's picture

Here is a simple explantion of derivatives - written in clear language so non-economists can undestand them and why they are dangerous.  http://tinyurl.com/blhtc3q

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!