The Complete History Of JPMorgan's "Monstrous" Derivative Risks And Abuses - The Full Senate Report

Tyler Durden's picture


Curious what according to Jamie Dimon is just a "tempest in a teapot", or, alternatively, why Mr. Dimon is richer than pretty much all of you, here is the full 307 page report that explains everything, including all the events that transpired at the JPM CIO office, all the trades that led up to the "monstrous" Whale portfolio, leading to an epic prop trade failure, coupled with countless lies and misrepresentations to regulators, to investors, to the public, and to politicians, many of which under oath. Oh yes, free Jamie Dimon!

Finally, we are happy that our small contribution to exposing the catastrophic JPM TBTF prop trading behavior made its way into the report, and specifically footnote 1442.


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Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330865 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

And the consequences are???

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330873 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Lets kill that CUNT

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:05 | 3330912 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

It's almost time to deploy the false flag, me thinks.  I'm betting it's a "foreign" cyber attack that makes all this evidence magically disappear, meanwhile mobilizing the country against, oh, let's say China.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:08 | 3330928 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

No, it's Uzbekistan. They harbor cyber-terrorists like there's no tomorrow.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:16 | 3330963 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

It's those 30 members left of Al Queeda or the filthy Taleebon! 

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:23 | 3330971 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Interestingly this report paints 'the London Whale' in a pretty good light so far...could it be that the real puppet masters were elsewhere??


In calculating the $500 million “all-in” figure, Mr. Iksil repeatedly used the words “hit,” “lag,” and “loss” in connection with the three credit indices he was analyzing. Despite his analysis discussing hundreds of millions of dollars in cumulative losses, at the end of the day on March 19, the CIO reported internally an SCP daily loss of only $3 million

....then later...

Mr. Martin-Artajo: “Yeah, don’t understand your logic, mate. I just don’t understand. I’ve told Achilles. He told me that he didn’t want to show the loss until we know what we are going to do tomorrow. But it doesn’t matter. I know that you have a problem; you want to be at peace with yourself. It’s ok, Bruno, ok, it’s alright. I know that you are in a hard position here."


Finally, Mr. Iksil apologized to Mr. Martin-Artajo for creating more work for him with Ms. Drew, but also reaffirmed his belief that the CIO needed to get its marks closer to market value, stating: “we had to get closer to where the market is even if the market is wrong.”

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:34 | 3331009 CH1
CH1's picture

could it be that the real puppet masters were elsewhere??

Umm... did you mist the part where it's a Senate Report?

You were expecting truth? .... from rulers?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:44 | 3331062 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I was saying that rhetorically.

Umm... did you mist the part where it's a Senate Report?

The Senate report is excellent so far, pretty much a smoking gun. How much of it will come out in soundbites tomorrow is another matter..

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:10 | 3331106 CH1
CH1's picture

I was saying that rhetorically.

I was just riffing off of it. Sorry if I was insulting.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:34 | 3331020 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Who's working for them and who's working for the NWO and who's working for the people of the world. I need to get my bets straight here.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330967 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Spring is almost here.

Last time I can remember things this openly fucked up was when Rumsfeld had to own up to losing $3T.

Fun's a comin'!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:22 | 3331132 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

The Year of the Snake... Whodathunkit!?!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:23 | 3330973 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I heard Obama's going to Israel next week, and he now says Iran is "one year away" from a nuke. Something's in the air, but that could just be the stench of bullshit.

EDIT: Actually, I just read Obama and Biden will be out of the country next week at the same time. Plausible deniability, bitchez?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:52 | 3331078 TooBearish
TooBearish's picture

Iran has been 1 yr away from having nukes for the last 10 years

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:59 | 3331192 PersonalRespons...
PersonalResponsibility's picture

"It was 2 minutes 5 minutes ago."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:22 | 3331252 BoNeSxxx
BoNeSxxx's picture

I don't know if leaving the country is necessary for plausible deniability...

Lil' GW Bush just went to Florida and read a book to some kids while the cameras rolled.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:43 | 3331058 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Just when you thought it couldn't get anymore obvious....


Two days ago we get this:


Yesterday this story from RT:

Pentagon creates 13 offensive cyber teams for worldwide attacks

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:45 | 3331160 Rehab Willie
Rehab Willie's picture

"almost time to deploy the false flag"........Kind of like that building that went down on 9/11 that no one talks about or remembers.  the one that had offices for the SEC, IRS, INS, CIA .....

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:06 | 3330918 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Check out pg 111 lol

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:09 | 3330936 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Martial Law is hours away.

Jamie Dimon: "If I were the Dictator, I would place JP Morgan above the law and knight Mr. Dimon."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330878 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

bonuses for everyone!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:06 | 3330886 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

"And the consequences are???"

Why, the bigger and longer gold and silver bull markets than even the most imaginative of us here can, or even could imagine (if we were much more imaginative than we are). Derivatives are just the means, and the big banks know it better than we do.

The consequences for JP et al - that really depends on us. Hanging? Burning on stake? Sexual capital punishments? ... Our choice.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:09 | 3330937 Tinky
Tinky's picture

"Sexual capital punishments?"

Does that mean that they'll be flogged in Bangkok?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:16 | 3330960 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Circular saw castration, death by dildo, that sort of thing.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:49 | 3331070 Catfish
Catfish's picture

Stake, rope, fire ant colony.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:03 | 3331210 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

He, he! "Death by dildo". I don't know why it's so funny, but it just is.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:12 | 3330946 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Obama to Dimon,"You need me."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 20:23 | 3331255 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Obama to Dimon,"You need me."




Dimon to Obama, "You need me."




Obama to Dimon, "You need me?"

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330888 Loretta8
Loretta8's picture

everyone but the people responsible get fucked

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:10 | 3330939 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Seems you're familiar with the script.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:07 | 3330901 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Since JPM is the FOUNDING bank for the Federal Reserve and THE LARGEST SHAREHOLER (allegedly), they can send representatives into your house, shoot your dogs and cats, rape your wife and daughter, steal your retirement, break your legs, taser your grandmother for shits and giggles and still get a TARP grant for $100 billion.


Of course why do all the violent stuff when they can order the Federal Government to do that for them and their Rockefeller ill gotten brethren in the Eurotrash globalist banking system can skim off your earnings by assisting to manipulate the allegedly "free markets" by changing the Matrix at will.



Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:07 | 3330924 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

"And the consequences are???"

Well, the US taxpayer gets screwed of course.

That's always the result, haven't you noticed?

Do you really think these bought and paid for prostitutes are actually going to do anything?  There is merely a show of "look look!  We actually are really really serious about doinng something, honest we are!"

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:18 | 3330970 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Just think how bad it really is, if this is their attempt at damage control.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:28 | 3331003 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

I already know how bad it is.

The nation is bankrupt.  Basically it takes in about 14% of it's official debt per year in tax revenue, and has no way to expand the revenue, meanwhile the debt has increased on average at 9.4% a year since 1971.

16.7 * (1.094^4) = 23.9 trillion dollars for the national debt by the end of Obama's presidency.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330929 Arisu
Arisu's picture

If you want consequences, start by:

* withdrawing all money from JPM/GS, if any,
* paying more attention who you're supporting with your money, directly or indirectly, when spending it, and
* helping others to get out of the system.

They have nothing to fear as long as every sheep silently supports them by not giving a shit.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330976 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

The problem are not the sheep that may keep meager amounts in their individual accounts.

The problem are the corporations  that have 401k feduciary accounts on behalf of their employees with JPM. Think of all that money under their control, without the indiividual account holder able to transfer those funds.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:45 | 3331053 Arisu
Arisu's picture

True words.

Still, the awareness that the sum of all financial transactions majorly forms the power structures of this world, is severely lacking. If this was otherwise, I'd have good hopes that the change of mind would eventually reach even into the decision making of industrial councils.

In the end, if this is not understood, even a violent solution might just lead to evildoer B taking the place of evildoer A, as the structual flaws will remain and again lead to the same concentration of power and wealth waiting to be taken hold of.

It's the same reason why it was a bad idea to bail out banks: the general public was deprived of a chance to truly readapt their view and thinking, so the acceleration into ruin continues. Since the government isn't interested in changing this path, the people need to do it themselves.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:15 | 3330955 yogibear
yogibear's picture

A top cabinet position in the Obama administration.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330868 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Haven't read  the report but does it match what has been previously presented here about JPM's derivative exposure; aka around 90 T ?

Now I'll read it...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:55 | 3330870 SWCroaker
SWCroaker's picture

You have to vote for the report before you can see what's in it...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330872 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

It makes me feel confident that 'Levin' is on the case looking for wrondoing...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:20 | 3330980 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Levin, Levin like his money.

He makes a lot they say.

Spends his days counting

In a garage by the motorway.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:56 | 3330875 caimen garou
caimen garou's picture

it's going to take a few good Krugmans, Oh I mean craps to read that report. I'm sure it's full of everything we already know!

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:57 | 3330880 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

terrorist in a teapot

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330887 Tie-The-Tubes
Tie-The-Tubes's picture

Consequences - Jamie has to buy the first round of scotch at the country club this weekend for his buddies in Congress

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 17:59 | 3330889 fuu
fuu's picture

This violates the Dimon Principle.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:01 | 3330893 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

How powerful are you if your trading rates a 307 page senate report and you can still walk around free?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:04 | 3330906 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Almost as powerful as Corzine who can vaporize his clients segregated money without so much as rude word coming to him.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:17 | 3330966 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Look up J.P. Morgan....1932

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 19:21 | 3331130 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture


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