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Friday Humor: Are You A Better Trader Than A 5th Grader?
Over a decade ago, it was moms and pops downing tools and picking up mice to day-trade the latest and greatest dot-com wunder-stock from their home-office/kitchen table. Now, as equities perch atop a pile of rotten Federal Reserve effluent, it is tweens and below that are sought for their stock market prowess. Forget Rachel Fox - the 16 year old actress-cum-Jesse-Livermore, now we have 11-year-old Rachel Kelly from Naperville who is touted as an example of the greatness of our education system by CNBC because, "because people are going to need to trade stocks long after we're gone... it's inspiration for other 11-year-olds out there." Indeed we are.
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We've offerrd her a partnership,awaiting permission from Mom.
she also contends that shale is just a headfake .. the real deal is still the pipelines in and near georgia, plus the off-balance-sheet movement of funds through drug production
where does she get all her information?!
It must be from zerohedge.
shoeshine boy moment
True story:
My friend's 16 year old son has Down's Syndrome.
Last year he got into play-trading as a fun way to learn math.
His return for 2012 was 32%.
He's smarter than the average sell-side analyst.
11 year olds are still trading in this market?
11 year olds are investing heavily in ccw for its long-term upside
http://www.nyse.com/about/listed/lcddata.html?ticker=cxw
also, a basket of aerospace technology companies
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unmanned_aerial_vehicles
Brain froze up for a few minutes after reading the sentence, "16 year old actress cum". But it's back now.
So I think I understand this market. Other than the robots, it's 27 year olds selling jump risks for less than 1bp - $5 billion a pop to 16 yr olds, and the 11yr old are buying prisons to lock them both up? It would make sense for the kids to invest in UAVs as well - to hunt down the rest of us who hoard "barbarous relics".
this is definetly the humor of anthony jeselnik.....
You know, we had a problem with my mom, she's a holocaust denier.
Yeah, I know, terrible. Got so bad we needed an intervention.
So we had a rabbi come to the house, teach her the whole history of the Jewish people. After that she did a complete 180, doesn't deny the holocaust anymore.
She can't believe it only happened once.
Actually, it has happened several times. The Romans tried to exterminate the Jews in ~72 AD / CE. Throughout the "Dark Ages", many countries in Europe had purges once in a while to kill off / drive out Jews, Gypsies, etc.
I figured this at least would be one thread that rabid jewish hating zealots couldnt hijack into a Nazi soapbox, yet here you are. Such mental agility...Oh wait I forgot,Nazis are a Zionist figment of the Jewish controlled media and Isreali lobby. I hear it was Stanley Kubrick who faked the footage.
True story:
You give a iPad to a 15 year old kid and give him the passwords for iTunes from Dad...
2 days later, dad's creditcard is charged for 5000 dollars of free game add on's....
Kids can only manage money when they are tought the risk reward of money through the earning process.
It's plain idiotic to even give acess to a platform for trading to a kid.
What you gonna do when the kid start writing options and the bank come to claim 500k on a trade gone bad?
Idiot only even weight this option... only in America I guess... or Japan...
march 2000:
CNBC anchor:" hi your on Buy,sell or hold"
10 year old: " what do you think of AOL buy sell or hold"
Anchor: "how old are you"
10 Year old: "i'm 10, my day gave me 10k to invest in the stock market"
cnbc anchor: "that's just amazing"
The rest is history
Maybe Uncle Warren is getting ready to dump Becky for someone younger?
"Now, as equities perch atop a pile of rotten Federal Reserve effluent..."
Tyler at his bitter, acerbic best.
When the septic tank fails and needs to be pumped out, it isn't going to be pretty.
It'll make the Fukushima Tsunami and residual nuclear disaster look tame by comparison.
And Mila Kunis as well Tyler...
.
http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/mila-kunis-rotates-cash-stocks-11253893...
.
Kunis, however, remained coy about what stocks she's investing in, responding with a firm "no" when asked what her portfolio consisted of.
.
Thanks for the stock tip Jackie... you BlackSwan you
Be nice. She makes millions by playing "make believe" - she would make an exceptional central banker or CNBC talking head.
Plus she's hawt, like most Ukrainian women.
She can move stocks up or down, for sure.
Ehh, not so good looking without makeup. Like most Ukrainian women, small eyes.
I'd still give her the best 30 seconds of her life.
I'd probably beat you with 15
She'd brag to her friends about your encounter, saying you remined her about the American Revolution, comparing you to the founding fathers and the War for Independence! (She'd say you reminded her of the minute men!)
But your "second trip" (you'd have to make three trips on that one) would.....
Has anyone considered that she might be a Jewish Princess?
for all the goy haters
Maybe that's also the reason she's such a rising star in Hollywood
She's pretty average I think. No Katherine Webb that's for sure.
At least she is incredibly hot
That Kunis girl should just stick to being hot
Kunis- "I used to just put my money in CD's and stuff until I began to feel Bernanke up my ass so I started following Cramer because he's an obvious faggot"
Quick - someone contact Jennifer Hudson for her thoughts on QE3...
.
"If you want it you got it. You got to believeeee…believe in yourself...lalala"
CNBS new audience, grade school. Guess adults didn't pan out
Searching for the Bozo audience who will also enjoy Cramer
Rachel Cramer
What a nice name.
Can they get hitched in Arkansas?
Willy Boy Presiding?
PS News Item: (Seriously) "Carnival's business appears to be stabilizing" Get it stabilizing? Listing? LOL
What the fuck?
Edit. They're listing on the New York exchange
Maniacal laughter
In a sane world, this would mark a top for the market — you know, since they're bringing in kids to talk about stocks.
But in Bernankeland, this shit can probably go on forever.
That's a long fucking time....
OMG
Asymptotes, bitchez!
You can't get there from here.
Yeah you can: http://here.com/
Hey if we can't get their parents to invest in stocks, we'll get the kids. They haven't learned anything yet, public schools. See even the name indoctrinates them into the world of public everything. Imagine how much money we could make on the swim team IPO. Heard they got this girl that can swim like a fish. The Boulder bio lab has got one hell of an herbal garden going, oohhh new medical marijuana IPO, we'll call in Boulderdash.
The Fed has been running massive QE for about half this girls life...
Fuck you Bernanke!
Any 5th grader who's read Jack and the Beanstalk can tell you that QE4evah won't work.
Warning labels, Tyler. With Cdad's proprietary BlowHorn [CNBC] Unwatchable Indicator reading north of 100, you should advise the brotherhood that watching this clip may cause permanent damage to the brain stem.
Are you telling me that if I "like" AAPL on facebook, I should expect to get a dividend payout + trending capital gains?
What the hell is this girl smoking, AND the CNBC guy??? Hello, McFly, anyone home? It takes FUEL to create those silly electric vehicles, in fact it takes MORE fuel over the course of its existence (hybrid) than the manufacturing of a normal, fuel efficient vehicle.
It still takes energy, unless you think you can suck electricity out of thin air... oh, thats right, we can't have coal or nuke plants because they are toxic... I guess we can put all the fat people on electricity generating tread mills and solve out energy AND health care issues all at once... fucking retards...
Electric cars are a fantastic deal. Other people get so subsidize your driving!
Let's see, electric car fueling around here: $0.10 KwH
Fueling a car: ~ $1.30 CDN per Litre.
using electricity, you can drive up the price for everyone else, and not pay road taxes, even though you are using the roads! Plus, taxpayers dollars are used to create the charging terminals for you!
http://www.vancouversun.com/technology/laying+groundwork+electric+surge+...
Let's see, a more "realistic" or "fair" price for electric car would be:
$0.20 KwH to cover investment for future electricity generation
since road tax is about 50% on gasoline, another $0.20 per KwH
plus, let's say $0.10 per KwH to pay for all the electric charging stations, becuase why should people who don't use them, pay for their infrastructure?
So, in my opinion, $0.50 per KwH would be a reasonable price for electric cars, and they pay ~$0.10 / KwH, so they are recieving an 80% subsidy off the backs of everyone who uses electricity (at least 95% of the population) plus anyone who owns property, buys stuff, or makes an income.
Stock expert, 5th grade.
Gun expert, 6th grade.
Manipulation expert, 1st grade.
<Actually it's obvious even to a two year old toddler......but what does s/he know?>
Government worshipper, ~12 years of schooling.
Annnnd... I'm out. *claps hands, wipes hands*
Now listen you guys, let's show some real maturity and gentlemanly behavior. I mean the last Rachel was here there were all sorts of comments on her legs, rack, youth, years till legal, clear skin, poise and even an interesting take on "How the Fuck's she trading when she's underage?" which was meant to be an exploration of the legal implications of her activities in the markets.
So let's get off this young Chickie thing and get with the investment program.
Listen to what she says, OK?
When she gonna get them braces off?
Uh huh?
I think the last Rachel also resulted in the "tongue punch her fart box" comment, for which we should be forever grateful.
That's almost Shakespearean!
It will be remembered in the anals of history...
is that available on youporn?
Guess I have to go ask someone that works at the SEC
. . for it's sheer anglo saxon monosyllabic density.
Yes a ZH Hall of Fame comment if there ever was one.
I just want you to know that she's a prototype. She is the perfect answer to what happens if the HFT servers go down, become to expensive to maintain, whatever. With a properly devalued currency you can enslave the new generations of humans to generate massive bid quotes to tickle stock prices higher, all for the cost of some kraft mac and cheese and an iphone. Probably don't even need one of the new ones. I call banksters ftw on this one here...
Elgrin Groseclose describing the Roman Empire in 301 A.D.
"The disintegration continued, and there seemed no power great enough to stop it. The treasury was empty, agriculture prostrate, industry demoralized, trade stagnant, and the only commercial activity was a maddened, consuming, parasitic speculation. In A.D. 301 Diocletian issued his famous price fix- ing decree as the last measure of a desperate sovereign"
The only commercail activity ..
All through history desperate men have done and will do desperate things.
<Expect nothing less than this over the next few years from all the criminals involved.>
After such success going long on FB NOK and GRPN, ive now chosen to be long on trees and paper mills, because despite everything else going to hell, everyone still needs to wipe their ass, and at some point there wont be enough FRNs left to meet the demand.
Where did they find this Carl fuckstick anyways? He really is an assclown. That whole show with Cramer(obvious piece of shit), Little Asian Chubby bitch, Simon Hobbs(brit bernanke blower) and Faber is really a collection of fucktards. The whole station has just become unwatchable except of course that aussie blonde who is very watchable with the sound muted.
I'm surprised to learn that people still watch CNBC with the sound on!
"Why don't you put her in charge?!?!"
I don't think you should be making fun at this girl's expense. So, an 11 year old was kind of terrified to be on television and could barely get her words out. Big deal. Every adult on this message board has done worse.
@long-shorty
I agree with you that she has no business being on camera, but what beauty-queen-pagent-mother-of-Jean-Benet-Ramsey wannabee put her there? They're sick.
i see she has the Michelle hair cut
The girls are innocent - they're possessed by Ben!
Girls named Rachel, look out! Bernanke is looking to channel his QE energies through you.
Be gone, Chairsatan! The power of Christ compels you!
What about the cab drivers moonlighting as traders? <sarc> You know the market is topping when CNBS is exploiting (tweens) to talk up their book!
I never did well in govenment school. Probably why I put most my money into gold and silver coins.
MMMMOOMMMMMYYYYYY, I LOST THE COMMUNION MONEY GRANDMA GAVE ME INVESTING IN UNION PACIFIC BECAUSE JIM CRAMER TOLD ME TO DO SO.....
Well dear, that's why you're not to believe what Jews say on TV.
TOP!
TOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOP!!!!!!!!
TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bet you it isn't.
you were 50 mins late!
So I guess the term gambling on stocks, or in this new market is no longer gambling, with the back stop of the Corrupt FED? Under 18 doesnt apply anymore except for SEC porn and WallStreet Shills to plunder the last of the savers...
The kids and their piggybanks..
did the smart kid purchase some physical silver this morning? i did, right after i did my yardwork, by lunchtime. little buddy likes the dips.
We had Dykstra rubbed in our faces by CNBC as well and now he's in jail.
CNBC's long term picks aren't so good either, especially Cramer.
I still love the the Jon Stewart v. Cramer video. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-march-12-2009/jim-cramer-pt--2
Oh yah!, now that you mention it, my Daddy help me a little bit, he's a managing director of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.
Given advances in technology, DNA mutations over time and the lingering effects from watching 60s & 70s sitcoms, there are very few areas that an average 5th grader can't kick all our asses at. That's why video games are so important -- to keep them occupied and indoors just long enough for us to limp to whatever meager retirement the melt-up markets can provide. Oh, wait, we're "conservative" investors, aka, all in cash. Damn. Well, at least some stations are starting to show reruns of Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie again . . .
Teaching the youth to buy into the ponzi and its wealth-sucking, HFT-destablizing, flash-crashy 'white collar casino' early in life...
Proudly brought to you by your financial propagandists at CNBC.
Sheesh.