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Live Webcast Of Senate's JPM's London Whale Grilling

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In the marked absence of JPM CEO Jamie Dimon who will sadly not be present to explain to Senate why he is richer than (most) of the people present while wearing his signature presidential cufflinks, Carl "Shitty Deal" Levin will be the main highlight in today's Senate hearing "JPMorgan Chase Whale Trades: A Case History of Derivatives Risks and Abuses" which as reported previously found that JPM "lied" and "deceived" regulators.  As the Seante's report concludes, "The bank’s initial claims that its risk managers and regulators were fully informed and engaged, and that the SCP was invested in long-term, risk-reducing hedges allowed by the Volcker Rule, were fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner." Today, those fictions will attempt to be reconciled, primarily with the help of the "voluntarily retired" former CIO Ina Drew, as well as JPM's vice Chairman Doug Braunstein and IB Co-CEO Michael Cavanagh. Will anything change as a result of today's hearing? Will JPM be broken down? Will the DOJ begin an inquiry into JPM? Of course not. But it makes for a good 3 hours of theater.

 

Schedule:

PANEL 1

    INA DREW
    Former Chief Investment Officer
    JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
    New York, NY
    Download Testimony (85.4 KB)

    ASHLEY BACON
    Acting Chief Risk Officer
    JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
    New York, NY
    Download Testimony (121.7 KB)

    PETER WEILAND
    Former Head of Market Risk - Chief Investment Office
    JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
    New York, NY
    Download Testimony (39 KB)

PANEL 2

    MICHAEL J. CAVANAGH
    Co-Chief Executive Officer - Corporate & Investment Bank
    JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
    New York, NY
    Download Testimony (626.6 KB)

    DOUGLAS L. BRAUNSTEIN
    Current Vice Chairman
    JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
    New York, NY

PANEL 3

    THE HONORABLE THOMAS J. CURRY
    Comptroller of the Currency
    U. S. Department of the Treasury
    Washington, DC
    Download Testimony (73.3 KB)

    SCOTT WATERHOUSE
    Examiner-in-Charge - OCC National Bank Examiners - JPMorgan Chase
    Office of Comptroller of the Currency
    Washington, DC

    MICHAEL SULLIVAN
    Deputy Comptroller for Risk Analysis - Risk Analysis Department
    Office of the Comptroller of the Currency
    Washington, DC 

The 300 page Senate report is posted below (link):

 

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Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:35 | 3332100 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Too big to prosecute.....and they're wearing the cuff links to prove it.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:37 | 3332107 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Yep, hard to catch a slippery squid.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:42 | 3332110 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

you mean it was hard to overlook the smelly carcass of the huge whale

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:59 | 3332157 waterwitch
waterwitch's picture

I'll bet our drones could do it. Drone the fucker.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:26 | 3332294 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

i think instead i will just go listen to the jerky boys skit.....were the guy keeps repeating...."i'm not the guy"...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:42 | 3332109 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

Is this time a senator going to excuse himself for subjecting Jamie to... questions? After all he makes more money than the whole committee, he is too important to prosecute and... he is the boss of Blythe Masters, the mistress of all financial WMDs

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:47 | 3332381 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Don't forget his house in the Hamptons.  That's why he's rich, you know.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:45 | 3332126 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

just look at the hearing.....McGain and Levin......YOU ALREADY KNOW THE OUTCOME

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:51 | 3332140 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Can I go now mom?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:07 | 3332181 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

they will fight over who gets to blow Dimon first

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:52 | 3332399 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

It'll be similar to a baseball team manager going out on the field to pretend to yell at the umpire, while actually just chatting with them in a loud, obnoxious manner.

*franticly waves arms*

"How's your wife and kids doing?"

*closes in face to face*

"Sure is a nice day out, huh?"

*kicks dirt, stomps back to dugout*

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 12:06 | 3332648 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Er,that woud be Obama...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:50 | 3332141 in-Credible Banker
in-Credible Banker's picture

If you care to read some Friday humor while listening to this tripe in the background here you go. I cannot even begin to list the litany of factual inaccuracies contained in this piece of "journalism".

http://www.forbes.com/sites/greatspeculations/2013/03/15/gold-sets-up-as...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:53 | 3332406 Svendblaaskaeg
Svendblaaskaeg's picture

"If you care to read some Friday humor while..."

Short quote from  this piece of "journalism":

"... With fear in early retreat.."

LOL!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:51 | 3332142 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

GUILTY!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:06 | 3332178 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

FOO- Friends of Obama

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:33 | 3332329 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Does that make us Foo Fighters?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:29 | 3332232 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Nothing will change.  This is all for show (Political Therater) for consumption by the masses (Sheep) for the purposes of PsyOp, deception and Illusion.  This Global Criminal (Intelligence) Cabal Crime Syndicate will contine. 

These TBTFB finance, own and launder the Drug Money to these Global Criminal Cabal Intelligence Agencies. 

Christ Sake, give me a break.  The Criminals asking the questions at this Hearing are already compromised and paid for by these same Criminal Crooks.

Outside of Mass Arrests.  I Personally see nothing changing.  At least not for mankind.

 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:52 | 3332397 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Great article in the April Vanity Fair about London RE, The City, and tax evasion:

 

"It seems to be that every big trading disaster happens in London,”

"The City has been granted special privileges, allowing it to remain a political fortress withstanding the tides of history that have transformed the rest of the British nation-state. It has nurtured a British tradition of welcoming foreign money, with few questions asked, and so has for centuries attracted the world’s wealthiest citizens. “There the Jew, the Mahometan, and the Christian transact together,” Voltaire wrote in 1733, “as though they all professed the same religion, and give the name of infidel to none but bankrupts.”

" The oligarchs he studies became rich “not by creating new wealth but rather by insider political intrigue and exploiting the weakness of the rule of law.” Arkady Gaydamak, a Russian-Israeli oilman and financier, explained his elite view of accumulating wealth to me in 2005. “With all the regulations, the taxation, the legislation about working conditions, there is no way to make money,” he said. “It is only in countries like Russia, during the period of redistribution of wealth—and it is not yet finished—when you can get a result. . . . How can you make $50 million in France today? How?”

Russia’s former privatization czar Anatoly Chubais put it less delicately: “They steal and steal. They are stealing absolutely everything.”

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/2013/04/mysterious-residents-one-hyde-...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:35 | 3332102 katwoman
katwoman's picture

I want to puke listening to that idiot Cramer makes apologies for JPM

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:36 | 3332103 q99x2
q99x2's picture

 Morgue Dimon, this is a big Fuck You. And, Hungary sends one to Bernanke too.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:38 | 3332106 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I found State TV (CNBC) strangely and mostly silent about this little hearing. Oh sure.....they mentioned it as 'news', but they clearly did not want the focus to be on this little embarrassment. The real news is 10 up days for the DOW. 

<Oh look, CPI "core" came in low as expected. Man the fiat pump Bernanke. Full speed ahead and damn the naysayers.>

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:42 | 3332116 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I find CNBC strangly silent on any news that might have a negative impact on stawks.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:42 | 3332362 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

They left the hearing to talk to the Chase bank CEO of mortgage lending so he could talk up housing and Fannie/Freddie.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:39 | 3332111 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Somebody watch to see where Holder picks up the drop. Catch that F'Ker in action and YouTube it.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:40 | 3332112 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

i really hope jpm fucking crashes. they are such fucking criminals there ( not that other banks are not). fuck u jamie dimon u fucking thieve, i hope u get what u deserve.

 

this should be fun to watch.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:54 | 3332145 earnyermoney
earnyermoney's picture

hope Jamie Dimon get's what he deserves?

From Barry's administraion? Barry said Jamie was an excellent banker. Smartest banker in the room. Where is Jon Corzine? Does Barry swallow when Jamie pulls out?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:16 | 3332228 pods
pods's picture

You kiddin?

Jaime gives him the old Dirty Sanchez!

pods

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:36 | 3332344 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

A whole new meaning to Chase ATM

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:41 | 3332114 centerline
centerline's picture

Not much to say anymore.  The fact this goes on only shows again and again that the system is corrupt to the core and doomed to failure.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:18 | 3332245 pods
pods's picture

I take comfort in that every day.

pods

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:42 | 3332115 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Dimon,

You are nothing but a piece of over-paid shit.  Morals of a two-bit whore, lower than a snakes belly and as slimey as a greased up frog.

Believe me here sunshine, hell will have fun with you boyo, the devil will give you an eternity of work you cunt, fuck off and die.

Slowly, and in agonising pain, with no help or end in sight.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:43 | 3332118 unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

 

a complete joke. 

like anyone is going to do anything. 

 

JPM owns the government. So bite me. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:44 | 3332122 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

PULP FANTASY: THE PUNISHMENT OF INA DREW

.


Jamie is holding a whip
His "hedging" has taken a dip
Instead of a hedge
They've run off the edge
And Ina was steering the ship (.../sarc)

The Limerick King

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:49 | 3332134 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

The only whip Jamie is holding is on his latte

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:43 | 3332123 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Hell, you can't prosecute the real prezdent! JPM shares will comfortably climb to new highs daily.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:44 | 3332125 Manthong
Manthong's picture

put another whale on the barbie

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:46 | 3332128 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

waiting for the grandstanding elected pukes to cry and moan, then they take jamie to lunch at a posh eatery and snicker about the fools who watched the kabuki.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:01 | 3332130 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

WHALE GRILLING

"Better to sleep with a sober senator than a drunk derivative" - Herman Melville?”

"for there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men ”

“...and Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending"

“Human madness is oftentimes a cunning and most feline thing. When you think it fled, it may have but become transfigured into some still subtler form.”

“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing.”  . “It is not down on any map; true places never are.” .   “There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.”   “Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”                                                                                                                                                                            (and of course) “Call me..screwitall.”
Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:48 | 3332133 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

check out levin bloviating for the camera. lmao

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:50 | 3332137 helping_friendl...
helping_friendly_book's picture

WHAT IS THE CUFF LINK INSPCRIPTION SAY?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:57 | 3332143 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

"I swallow - luv, Barry"

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:57 | 3332149 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

I'm rich, bitch.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:50 | 3332138 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

FLIM FLAM MEN STORIES

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:59 | 3332156 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rFB8hVHBi8 

(i think the relationship between michael jackson and his father (and a bad rat movie) is a good anal ogy)

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:41 | 3332364 Vooter
Vooter's picture

RZZZ!!!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 10:00 | 3332152 fuu
fuu's picture

Woah oh oh Jamie's lying.

I made it to McCain speaking but his bloated mutant head freaked me out and I bailed. I was only there to see if Jamie would tear up again.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:58 | 3332153 Antifederalist
Antifederalist's picture

Levin:   JP Morgan people lied.

Us:  No shit Sherlock.  Now what are you going to do about it?   Answer:  Not one damn thing.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:57 | 3332154 moneybots
moneybots's picture

"...fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner."

 

What obligation?  With no bankers in prison, they are above the law and thus have no obligation.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 09:58 | 3332155 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Tyler, why do you waste your time with this crap. That scum sucking pig will never see the inside of any prison. All this does is reinforce our convictions. The fucking system is BROKE.

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