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Live Webcast Of Senate's JPM's London Whale Grilling
In the marked absence of JPM CEO Jamie Dimon who will sadly not be present to explain to Senate why he is richer than (most) of the people present while wearing his signature presidential cufflinks, Carl "Shitty Deal" Levin will be the main highlight in today's Senate hearing "JPMorgan Chase Whale Trades: A Case History of Derivatives Risks and Abuses" which as reported previously found that JPM "lied" and "deceived" regulators. As the Seante's report concludes, "The bank’s initial claims that its risk managers and regulators were fully informed and engaged, and that the SCP was invested in long-term, risk-reducing hedges allowed by the Volcker Rule, were fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner." Today, those fictions will attempt to be reconciled, primarily with the help of the "voluntarily retired" former CIO Ina Drew, as well as JPM's vice Chairman Doug Braunstein and IB Co-CEO Michael Cavanagh. Will anything change as a result of today's hearing? Will JPM be broken down? Will the DOJ begin an inquiry into JPM? Of course not. But it makes for a good 3 hours of theater.
Schedule:
PANEL 1
INA DREW
Former Chief Investment Officer
JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
New York, NY
Download Testimony (85.4 KB)
ASHLEY BACON
Acting Chief Risk Officer
JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
New York, NY
Download Testimony (121.7 KB)
PETER WEILAND
Former Head of Market Risk - Chief Investment Office
JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
New York, NY
Download Testimony (39 KB)
PANEL 2
MICHAEL J. CAVANAGH
Co-Chief Executive Officer - Corporate & Investment Bank
JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
New York, NY
Download Testimony (626.6 KB)
DOUGLAS L. BRAUNSTEIN
Current Vice Chairman
JPMorgan Chase Bank NA
New York, NY
PANEL 3
THE HONORABLE THOMAS J. CURRY
Comptroller of the Currency
U. S. Department of the Treasury
Washington, DC
Download Testimony (73.3 KB)
SCOTT WATERHOUSE
Examiner-in-Charge - OCC National Bank Examiners - JPMorgan Chase
Office of Comptroller of the Currency
Washington, DC
MICHAEL SULLIVAN
Deputy Comptroller for Risk Analysis - Risk Analysis Department
Office of the Comptroller of the Currency
Washington, DC
The 300 page Senate report is posted below (link):
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Too big to prosecute.....and they're wearing the cuff links to prove it.
Yep, hard to catch a slippery squid.
you mean it was hard to overlook the smelly carcass of the huge whale
I'll bet our drones could do it. Drone the fucker.
i think instead i will just go listen to the jerky boys skit.....were the guy keeps repeating...."i'm not the guy"...
Is this time a senator going to excuse himself for subjecting Jamie to... questions? After all he makes more money than the whole committee, he is too important to prosecute and... he is the boss of Blythe Masters, the mistress of all financial WMDs
Don't forget his house in the Hamptons. That's why he's rich, you know.
just look at the hearing.....McGain and Levin......YOU ALREADY KNOW THE OUTCOME
Can I go now mom?
they will fight over who gets to blow Dimon first
It'll be similar to a baseball team manager going out on the field to pretend to yell at the umpire, while actually just chatting with them in a loud, obnoxious manner.
*franticly waves arms*
"How's your wife and kids doing?"
*closes in face to face*
"Sure is a nice day out, huh?"
*kicks dirt, stomps back to dugout*
Er,that woud be Obama...
If you care to read some Friday humor while listening to this tripe in the background here you go. I cannot even begin to list the litany of factual inaccuracies contained in this piece of "journalism".
http://www.forbes.com/sites/greatspeculations/2013/03/15/gold-sets-up-as...
"If you care to read some Friday humor while..."
Short quote from this piece of "journalism":
"... With fear in early retreat.."
LOL!
GUILTY!
FOO- Friends of Obama
Does that make us Foo Fighters?
Nothing will change. This is all for show (Political Therater) for consumption by the masses (Sheep) for the purposes of PsyOp, deception and Illusion. This Global Criminal (Intelligence) Cabal Crime Syndicate will contine.
These TBTFB finance, own and launder the Drug Money to these Global Criminal Cabal Intelligence Agencies.
Christ Sake, give me a break. The Criminals asking the questions at this Hearing are already compromised and paid for by these same Criminal Crooks.
Outside of Mass Arrests. I Personally see nothing changing. At least not for mankind.
Great article in the April Vanity Fair about London RE, The City, and tax evasion:
"It seems to be that every big trading disaster happens in London,”
"The City has been granted special privileges, allowing it to remain a political fortress withstanding the tides of history that have transformed the rest of the British nation-state. It has nurtured a British tradition of welcoming foreign money, with few questions asked, and so has for centuries attracted the world’s wealthiest citizens. “There the Jew, the Mahometan, and the Christian transact together,” Voltaire wrote in 1733, “as though they all professed the same religion, and give the name of infidel to none but bankrupts.”
" The oligarchs he studies became rich “not by creating new wealth but rather by insider political intrigue and exploiting the weakness of the rule of law.” Arkady Gaydamak, a Russian-Israeli oilman and financier, explained his elite view of accumulating wealth to me in 2005. “With all the regulations, the taxation, the legislation about working conditions, there is no way to make money,” he said. “It is only in countries like Russia, during the period of redistribution of wealth—and it is not yet finished—when you can get a result. . . . How can you make $50 million in France today? How?”
Russia’s former privatization czar Anatoly Chubais put it less delicately: “They steal and steal. They are stealing absolutely everything.”
http://www.vanityfair.com/society/2013/04/mysterious-residents-one-hyde-...
I want to puke listening to that idiot Cramer makes apologies for JPM
Morgue Dimon, this is a big Fuck You. And, Hungary sends one to Bernanke too.
I found State TV (CNBC) strangely and mostly silent about this little hearing. Oh sure.....they mentioned it as 'news', but they clearly did not want the focus to be on this little embarrassment. The real news is 10 up days for the DOW.
<Oh look, CPI "core" came in low as expected. Man the fiat pump Bernanke. Full speed ahead and damn the naysayers.>
I find CNBC strangly silent on any news that might have a negative impact on stawks.
They left the hearing to talk to the Chase bank CEO of mortgage lending so he could talk up housing and Fannie/Freddie.
Somebody watch to see where Holder picks up the drop. Catch that F'Ker in action and YouTube it.
i really hope jpm fucking crashes. they are such fucking criminals there ( not that other banks are not). fuck u jamie dimon u fucking thieve, i hope u get what u deserve.
this should be fun to watch.
hope Jamie Dimon get's what he deserves?
From Barry's administraion? Barry said Jamie was an excellent banker. Smartest banker in the room. Where is Jon Corzine? Does Barry swallow when Jamie pulls out?
You kiddin?
Jaime gives him the old Dirty Sanchez!
pods
A whole new meaning to Chase ATM
Not much to say anymore. The fact this goes on only shows again and again that the system is corrupt to the core and doomed to failure.
I take comfort in that every day.
pods
Dimon,
You are nothing but a piece of over-paid shit. Morals of a two-bit whore, lower than a snakes belly and as slimey as a greased up frog.
Believe me here sunshine, hell will have fun with you boyo, the devil will give you an eternity of work you cunt, fuck off and die.
Slowly, and in agonising pain, with no help or end in sight.
a complete joke.
like anyone is going to do anything.
JPM owns the government. So bite me.
.
Jamie is holding a whip
His "hedging" has taken a dip
Instead of a hedge
They've run off the edge
And Ina was steering the ship (.../sarc)
The Limerick King
The only whip Jamie is holding is on his latte
Hell, you can't prosecute the real prezdent! JPM shares will comfortably climb to new highs daily.
put another whale on the barbie
waiting for the grandstanding elected pukes to cry and moan, then they take jamie to lunch at a posh eatery and snicker about the fools who watched the kabuki.
WHALE GRILLING
"Better to sleep with a sober senator than a drunk derivative" - Herman Melville?”
"for there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men ”
“...and Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending"
“Human madness is oftentimes a cunning and most feline thing. When you think it fled, it may have but become transfigured into some still subtler form.”
“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing.” . “It is not down on any map; true places never are.” . “There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.” “Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.” (and of course) “Call me..screwitall.”check out levin bloviating for the camera. lmao
WHAT IS THE CUFF LINK INSPCRIPTION SAY?
"I swallow - luv, Barry"
I'm rich, bitch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rFB8hVHBi8
(i think the relationship between michael jackson and his father (and a bad rat movie) is a good anal ogy)
RZZZ!!!
Woah oh oh Jamie's lying.
I made it to McCain speaking but his bloated mutant head freaked me out and I bailed. I was only there to see if Jamie would tear up again.
Levin: JP Morgan people lied.
Us: No shit Sherlock. Now what are you going to do about it? Answer: Not one damn thing.
"...fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner."
What obligation? With no bankers in prison, they are above the law and thus have no obligation.
Tyler, why do you waste your time with this crap. That scum sucking pig will never see the inside of any prison. All this does is reinforce our convictions. The fucking system is BROKE.
great, more theater.
Geithner is not aroundto protect these guys any more!
Not sure why anybody in the media is really surprised. This was bound to happen again after letting the banks off with a slap on the wrist after 2008.
THE HONORABLE THOMAS J. CURRY
Comptroller of the Currency
U. S. Department of the Treasury
Honorable?
An alternative title to that report is 'what will be destroying the financial system in ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...'.
That we are at this point here today. This is all Hank Paulsons fault.
So what are they grilling up there on Capitol Hill, taxpayer?
"What’s with the presidential cufflinks?
Several sources have now reported that the prominent cufflinks Dimon wore during the hearing bore the seal of the President of the United States, with John Carney reporting them to be "a gift from a resident of the White House," though just who specifically remains unknown."
Is Dimon insinuating that he himself is the boss, CNBC’s John Carney asks?
Duh, the cufflinks mean he is the current head of the shadow bankers government. Says so right on his wiki page. In four years when his term is up, blankfein gets to wear them.
Welll! Pardon me for not noing, exactly, who is running the country. It's not like they are elected. How the fuck would I know? They don't have an org. chart as far as I know.
Dimon: Yeah, I Corzined the money, so what bitchez?
BTFD, Silver-ers
If this ends up beyond the obvious expectation (by accident or by miracle) soon there will be no one left to suppress the price...
Shit happens and so does miracle!
At most we can hope for another fat fine levied on JPM to cover the cost of running the SEC and CFTC for another 6 months. That's pretty much how the system works, (er doesn't work) now.
Swearing in?
I heard the spiel from Senator Levin but those testifying didn't say shit (or specifically "I Do").
So are they really sworn in? If they lie will there be consequences? (rhetorical question).
Z
Ina Drew talking about her career, good Lord.
Notice the tortoise shell glasses and powder blue dress to make her look more like "Mother" even though she had oversight of "synthetic credit".
Like "Mom" from Futurama.
The little pearl ear rings, the soft halting voice, the vulnerable timbre - no hint of making sausage for Jamie "Nero" Dimon.
Washington's dog and pony show for the muppets.
Dimon will join Corzine on laughing all the way to enjoying wealth.
So did they hand out playbills at the door?
Jamie was joking with the actors during intermission.
Where can I donate?
If you are a U.S. Citizen you buy a ticket for this high theater every April 15th.
Michael Corleone Senate Investigation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJljQi_tFsU
I thought crimes were tried in courts?
They have to say "Exibit A" and "Page 59" and have charts and questioning to make it appear as if it is a court when it is merely the passing of wind between friends.
No, they're tried on tree limbs...
no "thought crimes" are handled with drones
Max Keiser: Wall Street Mafia (read Jamie Dimon) Extorts Washington; 12% of JPM’s Net Income Used To Pay Bribes To Government Officials
Posted on March 15, 2013 by maxkeiser
.
http://maxkeiser.com/2013/03/15/max-keiser-wall-street-read-jamie-dimon-...
So is this how they finally collapse this bitch? They blame it on speculators and derivatives, do some fake perp walking, stick Dimon in the black van and drive him to the airport for his flight to Aruba, and implement martial law to protect the greater good from those silly patriotic rioters who know this is all bullshit?
everything but the van color. (black is for criminals)
good kabuki
round up the usual suspects [/captain renault]
Nobody will admit fault. They will all say "mistakes were made" and point the finger at someone else.
mostly, they will point one particular finger at us
"So on page 367 you see that the securitized synthetic portfolio of deriviateves was..." (all attention lost, no soundbite for the evening news).
look at the team pumping WFC to offset the JPM dip... chicken shit mo fros
Watch how the Precious metals begin to climb, while the equity complex falls - Then miraculously in a moment, PM's collapse and equities flip to the other direction. It is my belief that this correlation is key to this synthetic fraud trade known as the market. $29.10 Silver and $1600.00 in gold are important psychological levels - If either of these metals get close to those levels you'll notice a big turn in selling the metals and buying the spy. Of course, one could disregard this info and just buy ITM call options in the SPY and puts on SLV and make a ton by close - Because we all know what they are going to do!
Caution.... Big Banking may cause Memory loss in certain individuals.
I find it amazing there were so many people at JPM making seven figure comps who now admit they didn't really know what was going on.
How do I get a job like that? I guess for starters, I would have to lie about the fact that, like many people, I do know what was going on.
Don't Grill It....Blow it up:
The Exploding Whale http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3DQ0fWobPM
CONgress is "grilling" JPM so it is safe to put your cash back in stocks!
Look at those mawkets go!
Buy stawks!
What a shit show.
Total waste of time watching this.
Would have been interesting if someone stole all the scripts just before the love in.
Tyler, Do you have any contacts on any Senate Staff? Let's have Levin or McCain ask a simple question:
"What is the current gross notional dollar level of JPM's total derivative position, both on and off balance sheet?"
Follow-up question:
"Can you give me some idea of what multiple of worldwide GDP that number represents?"
I've got to believe the guys at Blue Mountain are getting a kick out of this broadcast. Certainly they can afford the champagne, courtesy of the "professionalism" of those clowns testifying.
Are the JP douche bags drugged?? They are talking slooooow...If I was there I take a FLAME THROWER to that place....
Where Bruno Iksil?
I would love to see him tearing these peolpe, his old bosses, down. This shit is classic. "No Senator I don't know" Even thouigh that bitch got a $100,000,000 bonus package for resigning.
They should bring out the gun, Pulp Fiction style, and point it at her and say "say I don't know one one time, I dare you" and then cap her in the leg.
I also like the fact they release the, redacted report, yesterday and we don't even get a day to read it before the testimony.
It also appears the wittnesses and the committee has a report which appers to have agout 3000 pages. The witnesses seem to have had plenty of time to read all 3000 pages too!
Anyone else notice?
No wonder they lost their as. MICHAEL J. CAVANAGH looks goy.
Judge Judy would have had this wrapped up in under an hour and she is entertaining.
The show trials in Congress and the show trials by the Nazis have one similarity: Offering show-businessy outrage to the masses. The difference is in the U.S., the culprits are guilty and get off, in Germany the culprits were innocent and got shot.
I don't recall.
Bwwwaaaahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
LIAR
McCain is so fucking senile. Sad.
Another classic case. When it comes down to it, they will always plead ignorant or stupid before they will plead crooked. Same every time.
I wonder if douglas braustein can recall his d.o.b
i wish tyler was askin the questions....
I bet she loves having her basis points tweaked, dirty girl.....
You know why everyone loves the show COPS?
Because when some drunk junky lies to the cop about why he's pissin' all over himself in a convenience store parking lot, the cop doesn't have to buy it.
The drunk still goes to jail. We all get to watch it and feel the reward.
This crap? All the misleading hokus pokus?
Sick.
TRADE
Live Webcast Of Senate's JPM's London Whale Grilling
FOR
Live Webcast Of JPM's London Whale Execution ("You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc. In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years")
wait a minute. this is ore than just posturing, there will be more than fines paid. double blind colombian neckties
A Case History of Derivatives Risks and Abuses" which as reported previously found that JPM "lied" and "deceived" regulators. As the Seante's report concludes, "The bank’s initial claims that its risk managers and regulators were fully informed and engaged, and that the SCP was invested in long-term, risk-reducing hedges allowed by the Volcker Rule, were fictions irreconcilable with the bank’s obligation to provide material information to its investors in an accurate manner."
I would expect nothing less from this crime circus!
WTF, no congressperson or senator reads bills, reports or commissions - they just vote on legislation written by lobbyists, yet 90% of these slimebags get re-elected. The American people deserve what they get...