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Tempest In A Towering Inferno: JPM's Head CIO Trader: "Things Like This, It's Like The Twin Towers Falling Down"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

On April 13, 2012 Jamie Dimon described the situation at the CIO as massively overblown and said it was just "a tempest in a teapot." A few days later, the head CIO trader, Javier Martin-Artajo, when speaking to the former JPM Chief Investment Officer, Ina Drew, had a less sanguine description: "and, and, you know, things like this, it's like the twin towers falling down." (highlighted below) Let's agree to disagree and just compromise on "tempest in a towering inferno." But that's not the point of this post. The point is in the same transcript we learn that it was none other than Ina Drew who told Artejo that "it would be helpful, if appropriate, to get, to start getting a little bit of that mark back" and instructed the Spaniard to go ahead and "tweak" the daily P&L on the CIO portfolio by "an extra basis point." Nothing like your supervisor telling you to fudge marks just to demonstrate that the "curve is starting to trend."

 

For those confused what this refers to, we suggest rereading "The Second Act Of The JPM CIO Fiasco Has Arrived - Mismarking Hundreds Of Billions In Credit Default Swaps" in which we explained precisely how JPM was fudging the marks on hundreds of billions in securities just to show a smaller top line hit in the days after the London Whale was exposed to the entire world leading to a LTCM-style run on the JPM banks by every hedge fund trader in the world.

Needless to say, if any of the above had been revealed about any other firm, not JPMorgan, they would be barred and precluded from doing any finance-related business in perpetuity.

 

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Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:17 | 3332866 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Fish rots from the head down.

Looks like we've reached the belly of the beast.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:19 | 3332873 rehypothecator
rehypothecator's picture

Their head is in their belly?  I would have thought it would be elsewhere.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:22 | 3332880 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

So... Martin-Artajo means the whale was a stand down false flag?  ...Or an inside job?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:22 | 3332888 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

How about this comical exchange?

Mr. Hagan’s email expressed the concern, pervasive at the CIO, that the regulatory capital models overstated the risks in the SCP, that they produced arbitrarily high results, and that the traders knew better. Mr. Hagan sought to engineer a way to get the capital calculations to better reflect the opinion of the traders.

Mr. Bangia:
I think, the, the email that you sent out, I think there is a, just FYI,there is a bit of sensitivity around this topic. So –

Mr. Hagan:
There, there is a lot of sensitivity.

Mr. Bangia:
Exactly, so I think what I would do is not put these things in email.

Mr. Hagan:

That’s exactly what I was told. Javier, Javier is the guy that asked meto send out the email this morning. And then he found out from, from Pete and –yeah, and he found out from some – and Irv that this is …

Mr. Bangia:

Yeah, yeah, I wouldn’t put this you know in ….

Later that day, despite Mr. Bangia’s qualms about sending written communications on optimizing the CRM/IRC split, he nonetheless discussed pursuing the issue with Mr. Hagan

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:38 | 3332902 knukles
knukles's picture

In the good olde days used to be "cookin' da books" was the exception.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:39 | 3332944 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

The results of this investigation will show the world if fraud is a crime these days.

 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:42 | 3332960 Doomer
Doomer's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

As if there is any doubt that NOTHING will happen, except perhaps some new laws that will be IGNORED!

Who says crime doesn't pay?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:42 | 3333114 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

A question I would like to see answered is, why did Ina Drew order "phones down" on March 23, 2012?

From page 123 of the SubComm report: "On Friday, March 23, 2012, Ina Drew ordered Mr. Martin and Mr. Iksil to “put phones down” and stop trading credit derivatives related to the SCP book."

Wasn't she concerned that by suspending JPM's trading in the IG9 index the market price would move further away from the CIO positions and lead to greater losses?

I think not.

On May 10, 2012 Zerohedge analyzed the trading in the IG9 credit index and concluded: "Hedge funds began to try to arb this position and got frustrated at the lack of convergence -  and this is how we initially got to hear about Bruno Iksil - the London Whale - since those funds suggested someone was 'cornering' the index market in credit."

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/jpm-staring-another-3-billion-loss

http://www.zerohedge.com/sites/default/files/images/user3303/imageroot/2...

On May 15, 2012 I commented "...how these banks are able to obstruct price discovery on Level 3 assets which allows them to conceal losses. They book gains immediately as they occur, for obvious reasons, but delay reporting losses through the suspension of trading on certain Level 3 assets thereby manipulating price discovery which lets them hold back reporting of losses until they get too big."  

 http://www.zerohedge.com/news/fbi-opens-inquiry-jpm-loss#comment-2427936

If the CIO through Bruno Iksil had indeed "nearly cornered" the IG9 index, Ina Drew was ordering trading virtually suspended on that index. This would have caused liquidity in the index to dry up, due to JPM being its largest player. As the liquidity diminished, spreads would have widened. Ina Drew knew that if spreads widened it would give her more latitude to deviate further from the customary "mid-market pricing". This would have allowed her even more wiggle room in reporting actual losses and helped her to conceal the depth of the problems the CIO was dealing with.

In essence, Ina Drew ordered "phones down" knowing it would allow her to manipulate price discovery at a greater magnitude, which would allow CIO to continue to conceal massive losses.

Just a thought...


 

 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:49 | 3333192 Manthong
Manthong's picture

“will show the world if fraud is a crime these days”

-we can expect the same degree of honesty, integrity and fraud resolution as we got with the posting of the assembled graphics file birth document that was originally posted on whitehouse.gov.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 16:55 | 3333498 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

A ka-boom moment:

Levin: Was it a coincidence? At the time the losses were piling up. You changed your accounting practices. That was a coincidence?

A: Yes.

Q: Absolutely no intent on the part of the people that were involved to hide losses?

Levin reminds Cavanagh he's under oath. Cavanagh seems a bit concerned, and changes his approach.

A: I clearly know now, having done the review, that the people ultimately were mismarking, were not properly marking their books, from the middle of march to the end of March."

Levin: Their marking was changed in order to reduce the loss on the books?

A: Yes.

Q: That's the reason it was done?

A: Yes.

Q: You were saying before it was a coincidence. Now you're saying it's not a coincidence.

The reaction of the lawyers behind Cavanagh during that exchange is priceless, "oh fuck...."

Cavanagh then says PW was Ok with this accounting practice. If only there was a cam in PW offices.. "oh fuck..."

 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 18:34 | 3333704 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

But answering both questions with a "yes" clearly makes this a positive message, right?

Surely that means there'll be a new high Monday. 

 

 

Temporarily.

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 15:27 | 3335776 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

BULLISH!!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 15:56 | 3333353 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

This is all well and good, but you will soon hear the chorus of "It's time to move on.  We want to move on.  It's time to move forward."  And that will be largely that, other than some fines being paid.

OF COURSE THEY WANT TO 'MOVE ON'.  ALL CAUGHT CRIMINALS DO. 

Just that if you do it with a gun and a mask they throw you in jail for a decade or so.  Do it with a suit, an email ending in "@TBTFbank" and a trading terminal.... you just give back a small portion of your bank's yearly profit a settlement neither admitting or denying the charges and a non-binding promise to try not to do it again in the future.

They should just call it the government's "getting caught tax".  Exact payment amount at the government's discretion, but usually 'nominal' compared to the size of the crime.  Just a cost of doing business, nothing more.

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 15:26 | 3335773 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Like the towers, same perpetrators. Sometimes they know not what they admit to :D

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:00 | 3333026 akarc
akarc's picture

Ah but the world will only see through the prism by which they are fed, i.e. Facebook, the new Bible. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:44 | 3332961 redpill
redpill's picture

 

Wow, getting caught in one of your typical acts of financial fraud is akin to a terrorist attack that killed thousands of innocent people?  I'm not sure which is worse, that they think so highly of their own criminal activity, or that they think so little of human life. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:06 | 3333047 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

What I think he meant was that "they planned it that way."

YMMV

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:31 | 3333133 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

@redpill: Both, duuuhhh.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:18 | 3333083 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Wow, getting caught in one of your typical acts of financial fraud is akin to a terrorist attack that killed thousands of innocent people?  

His comparison is over the top and he may of been saying it more on behalf of him and his co-workers but to some degree it's appropriate because if that position had collapsed tens of thousands of innocent people would've been very negatively affected. Maybe an atom bomb allusion would've been less of a sore spot. 

Dimon's public lies actually saved a lot of damage (damage he would've been directly responsible for of course). If that 150B went down the tubes what would've happened to the bank? And by extension the financial industry? 

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 12:28 | 3335291 lostintheflood
lostintheflood's picture

you can't handle the truth...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:49 | 3333190 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

They found nano thermate in Dimon's desk, so I think it's not an exaggerated statement.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:28 | 3332901 spankthebernank
spankthebernank's picture

The next not-so-black swan?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:20 | 3332879 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

The head will swim away anyway. No other way this can end.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:29 | 3332903 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

So ....What is trying to say? Jet fuel melted steel? Norad stood down? There were explosions in the lobby?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:40 | 3332954 knukles
knukles's picture

Damn right. 
It's all Bush's fault.

Pass out the bonus checks!

hand-jobs all around, boys!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:43 | 3332964 Doomer
Doomer's picture

And hookers, and blow, and ..... hmmm, let me see .... BOLLINGER!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:56 | 3333005 machineh
machineh's picture

Right. As long we mark the curve within two Bollinger bands of the bid-ask, it's, uhhh, conservative.

And it's trending in our direction.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:30 | 3332910 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Can we get a gulliotine for Jamie, Serpico, Pedro, Blythe and the Rockefeller owners.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:19 | 3332868 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Twin Towers falling?  Javier, does that include WTC7?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:26 | 3332895 akarc
akarc's picture

No. WTC7 was just an hallucination. It never existed. It can't be explained away therefore it never happened. Rpeat that lie often. Everychance you get. Because remember, if you repeat the lie often enough it will become the truth.

Why already in the short time that has passed you can ask most of general public about WTC7 and they will respond with, "HUH?"

You see it works. So keep on keeping on.......

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:45 | 3332969 knukles
knukles's picture

Holographic simulation of reality that had been announced by the BBC some 30 minutes earlier.
As in scripted, FFS!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:54 | 3332981 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

"I don't even know where it IS?" - Billy Bob Clinton.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:57 | 3333016 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

And they didn't fall, there were imploded...much like I suspect these markets will be one day. Question is; will Al-Qaeda be blamed for that too? We damn sure know Corzine won't be...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:14 | 3333070 knukles
knukles's picture

Damn right.  Corzine already took his colonoscopy for the Gipper.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:31 | 3333132 Ferrari
Ferrari's picture

Agh, just pull it.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:18 | 3332870 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

From victim to vindictive bitch

Good luck Ina

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:21 | 3332885 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Oh and careful crossing the street from now on. In fact, it's probably better if you just don't cross any more streets.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:36 | 3332931 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Your days of relaxing in the 'hot tub' are over my lad...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:45 | 3332968 Doomer
Doomer's picture

Ina in a hot tub.  Talk about your London Whale!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:23 | 3332871 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

And Leon's getting larger, bitchez.

Doesn't JPM issue all those gubmint food cards?  Isn't JPM the one that has kept down silver the mostest?  What kind of exposure does JPM have to the derivative flock of black swans in gross terms?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:14 | 3333022 akarc
akarc's picture

What does it matter. Have we not seen the miracles St. Dimon is capable of? Why has he not shown how he can turn black swans white just as our lord could trun water into wine. Did we not watch his disciples gaze in awe as they stuttered to find platitudes enough to praise their king. I tell you and you would be wise to listen a rich man can make a needle large enough to open the doors of heaven. With hinges, and a door, to be slammed in the face of those who will inherit the roted earth fertilized with chorus of, "WTF happened?" 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:19 | 3332874 secret_sam
secret_sam's picture

Well, I gotta say, I find Carl Levin's performance to be riveting.  He's treating this like it's something serious.

Based just on *this* show, I'd say he's earning his pay as an entertainer.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:36 | 3332932 akarc
akarc's picture

I puke on them all. Groveling at the feet of corruption. All hail the golden calf, The one an only true deity and it's high priest Diamond Dimon who shall feed you the questions between slices of dollars so that you will have no need to understand the answers but may instead walk away with the knowledge that you have served your people well. It was White Smoke that came from the halls of congress today and we all celebrate and as good christians leave the mechanism for the feeding of the poor in the hands of the money changers!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:28 | 3333111 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

The senate report is incredible and this hearing is good as well. No complaints should be lobbed at Levin for this.

If the media would rather talk about stupid assualt rifle bullshit the fault lies elsewhere. 

Right now Levin is asking Scott Waterhouse about Dimon yelling at Baurnstein (infront of Waterhouse) for sending reports to the OCC, too funny.

God I hope they get Dimon back infront of the panel!

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 12:43 | 3335342 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

Judaics blatantly state that no "jew" ever sinned, because they are incapable of sin.  Even the building of the golden calf in the OT the Judaics state was not a sin.  Even David's stealing another man's wife and sending that man to death in war was not a sin, so state today's Rabbis. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:43 | 3332959 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Levin, long time senator from new york, is going to lead the crusade to bust the (joo york shitty based) jpm trust. Things are the way they are BECAUSE OF GUYS LIKE LEVIN. LMAO!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:48 | 3332980 Doomer
Doomer's picture

Actually, he is my senator, from Michigan.

But your point still stands.

Just a show for the masses.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:59 | 3333025 machineh
machineh's picture

He prolly meant Schumer.

And the point STILL stands.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:04 | 3333042 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Thank you for correcting me.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:23 | 3333104 secret_sam
secret_sam's picture

     Things are the way they are BECAUSE OF GUYS LIKE LEVIN.

Nah, there'll be crooks and con-men whether you have any laws or not.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:41 | 3333169 akarc
akarc's picture

Things are the way they are because of us, "WE THE PEOPLE"!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 15:10 | 3333243 Orly
Orly's picture

Wrong!  While your above points are certainly valid, this one, not so much.

There must be some trust in human systems amongst humans that allow us to set up checks and balances to criminal and abberant behaviour.

The farmer farms.  The doctor docs.  How can they be held responsible when the system for checks and balances fails in a thing we call The Law? When the Lawyahs refuse to Law and instead side-step their responsibility for personal gain, how is it the doctor's fault?  He has patients to see.  Should the farmer leave his tractor and move to Washington, D.C. to make sure that Eric PlaceHolder is doing what he is supposed to?

To add insult to injury is what you're doing when you blame the American people for the criminal atmosphere in the Capitol and in Wall Street.  It is a self-propagating, criminally symbiotic environment and it will be stopped...one way or another.

:/

 

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 12:40 | 3335332 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

I fully agree with every point.

An analogy: Scripture states clearly four times who murdered Christ, being the "Ioudious" (Judaics, the Rabbis).  God must have some reason to clearly point this out.  Yes there is one vs. where Rome is partly blamed too...something like "...you (Ioudious) who killed Christ with the help of unholy men (Romans)..."  But this does nothing to minimize who is clearly blamed in Scripture (Ioudious) and also that this murder was a criminal act (the worst crime in mankind's sordid history until the Judaics removed it and replace it with the iconic religion called "holocaustianity").

Yet, now in "Christiandom" who is blamed for the murderous crime?  Only Roman gentiles, and never the guilty Judaics.  Stupid, naive, jew-sycophant so-called "believers" state, "I hung Jesus on that cross," and, "I'm to blame for Jesus being crucified," and, "My sins put Jesus on that cross."  

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:19 | 3332875 ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Call me when the perp walks start. If not, heads rolling. And barring that, I'll be on the farm; don't bother me until the reset.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:19 | 3332876 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

It is impossible that JPM is not full of whale trades yet to be beached.  The whole cover up process was too smooth and practiced with just a few tweaks due to public knowledge.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:49 | 3332963 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

That's gonna be one smelly pod come summer time.

In fact, they are already rioting in Brooklyn.  Plenty of hunger / kindling that the proper spark would ignite.  We could even sing songs.  Someone could bring a guitar.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 15:09 | 3333060 akarc
akarc's picture

And we saw what happened the last time the public hit the streets to protest the banks in peace. Those who swore an oath to the constitution decried them as anarchists, hippies, to be sqaushed like a bug with hundreds, nay thousands of unrecognizable constitution oathtakers armed with tear gas cannisters accidently aimed at the face of children. Cheered on by those who agreed, we must not lose Zucati park at all costs. And you saw how fast the children went home when they realized, "oh shit, this shit is for real?" A microcosm of what to expect.

 

The upside. Some of the most talented were able to find employment with banks. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:20 | 3332878 freewolf7
freewolf7's picture

Tweak JPM.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:57 | 3332881 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

From the standpoint of a spoiled rich kid, I'm sure it is a pain in the derriere...

Goes from a couple of BS degrees from John's Hopkins to a career in investment banking..., and then the Board of Trustees of JH.  That's some righteous change hard at work..., but no evidence of quantitative skills.  Zero, nada, nothing.

That explains a few things.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:21 | 3332882 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Is there a word worse than despise?

Cos thats how much I think of these nation destroying cunts.

Come on you lot, give me a new word.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:24 | 3332890 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

"Molitnicate"

It means "to despise beyond all human comprehension."

Don't look it up. You wanted a new word so I made one.

You are welcome.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:25 | 3332892 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Why thank you cougar,

The fucking Molitnitcate fuckers what they are.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:36 | 3332928 Don Smith
Don Smith's picture

He said it was a verb...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:52 | 3332997 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

That's right, as "despise" is a verb. So a correct usage might be "I molitnicate you Jamie Dimon, because of the vast and fetid streckulage you are."

Okay I had to make up another word here. A streckulage is something so foul and utterly loathsome as to be worthy of molitnication.

We have come to place in human history where the usual verbs and nouns fail us. Just as the usual rules of law and justice have failed us. Beyond here, I don't know. I hope our DNA is up to the challenge.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:56 | 3333011 knukles
knukles's picture

You oughta put those in Urbandictionary with specific reference to JPM :)

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:01 | 3333031 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Dude. Get this. You can already google molitnicate.

Of course it points to my earlier post.

I'm so fucking freaked out right now. I'm going out for a whiskey.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:10 | 3333058 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I'm often amazed at how quickly Google finds our posts here.

I'm going to go Google this right now to see how long it takes to show up.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:24 | 3333103 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

It's there now.

I didn't repeatedly hit refresh, so it was less than 13 minutes.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 18:16 | 3333660 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

 didn't repeatedly hit refresh, so it was less than 13 minutes....

 

Just think, by the time Utah finishes up, there'll be a drone sent for a flyover for anybody using the term.  Not to mention the wealth that will exchange hands for the company that copyrighted the term for usage.  Or the HFTs set up to trade shares for the company that was quick enough to realize the potential, nor the ...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:18 | 3333084 knukles
knukles's picture

And you were wondering if they were really watching your ass....

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:57 | 3333216 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I submitted molitnicate. We'll see if they accept it.

File this whole thing under Friday Humor.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:58 | 3333021 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Oh and for anyone wondering, yes all of this is an homage to Vogon poetry. We stand on the shoulders of giants.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:13 | 3333068 akak
akak's picture

Well, that's a relief to know!

All this time I thought you were merely plagiarizing the Gostak and the Doshes.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:18 | 3333079 knukles
knukles's picture

The way the world works these days, we're all probably travelling in a TURDUS

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:20 | 3333091 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Habritions, everybody!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:34 | 3333147 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I would never! Why that would be worse than distimming.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 16:59 | 3333520 TheGardener
TheGardener's picture

Sounds like a rock solid hate surrogate. Without the hate .

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:32 | 3332917 Relentless
Relentless's picture

loathe

 

as in loathe them or hate them, you can't live with them

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:23 | 3332889 Cdad
Cdad's picture

A tempest in a towering inferno = daffodils 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:27 | 3332894 Silver Garbage Man
Silver Garbage Man's picture

Imagine how much fun this would be to watch if these guys got prosecuted for real with real punishment waiting for them!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:41 | 3332958 akarc
akarc's picture

ah the fun of imagining. The glory of fantasy. the blissfulness of delusion. Most especially when the only mechanism left by which punishment can occur is an uprising of the people who in unison will go, "huh?"

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:55 | 3333007 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I just heard 400 million people go "huh?"

Made my day. Thank you, so much.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:20 | 3333088 knukles
knukles's picture

In the commode no one can hear you go "Huh?"

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 16:36 | 3333458 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Except the person you are talking to on the cell phone...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:31 | 3332896 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

It seems Ina, that's it's just too little too late! 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:28 | 3332900 DB Cooper
DB Cooper's picture

They sure don't seem very intelligent!  Well overpaid for milking the public - must be pretty easy work.  I keep waiting for a Senator to ask "So, how will this affect our campaign contributions", but I'm sure that was answered in the hallway before the hearing.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:50 | 3332991 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

They don't have to be particulaly smart: just willing to worship Mammon.  There will be justice now, or justice later - but there will be justice.  Pigs.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:25 | 3333108 akarc
akarc's picture

JUSTICE! It's been so long I forgot and had to look it up:

a : the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishmentsb : judgec : the administration of law; especially : the establishment or determination of rights according to the rules of law or equity 2 a : the quality of being just, impartial, or fair(1) : the principle or ideal of just dealing or right action (2) :conformity to this principle or ideal : righteousnessc : the quality of conforming to law 3 : conformity to truth, fact, or reason : correctness O.k. now I see why I forgot. "according to the rules of law or equity" delete word law.

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 11:38 | 3335153 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

Man, if I wrote jokes for late nite TV I'd just sit here drinking coffe (like I am now) and plagiarize ZH posters all day!  You guys are good! 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:30 | 3332906 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

What, you mean it's just as theatrical as 9/11? :)

Say it isn't so!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:32 | 3332911 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

AL PONZI OPERATIVE

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:35 | 3332925 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

drone strike that fucker-US citizen or not

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:46 | 3332974 akarc
akarc's picture

Drone strike the whole lot of the Babylonian whores who sound like chattering monkeys and have six weeks to change the congressional record to, "this what I really said!" But even the secret chattering code is not needed. After all even in plain English the citizenry goes, "Huh?"   

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 15:00 | 3333228 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

William,

You, sir, are the "Real McCoy!"

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 11:35 | 3333229 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

oops, double post

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:31 | 3332914 TooBearish
TooBearish's picture

The only thing to come of this is that Ina will get a raise and Jamie runs for President

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:34 | 3332921 Relentless
Relentless's picture

Why would Jamie want a demotion?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:03 | 3333034 machineh
machineh's picture

Right. Why should he go from the boardroom to serving as the financial janitor?

That what politicians are for.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:27 | 3333119 akarc
akarc's picture

God does not have to be voted on. God just says this is how it is and people will believe.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:34 | 3332923 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Sweet.  I love to watch them squrim.

10 Miles Wide
100 stories hiiiiigghhhh

People
Gettin loose ya'll

Gettin down
On the Roof
y'hear

 

Burn baby, burn.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:36 | 3332930 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Wall Street inferno

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:34 | 3332924 Don Smith
Don Smith's picture

OMG, he sounds like a Fred Armisen character.  

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:35 | 3332926 Uncle Zuzu
Uncle Zuzu's picture

Where are the arrests?  Where is Holder?  Vacationing on Marc Rich's yacht?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:40 | 3332947 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Yes and Corzine is dressed as a french maid...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:03 | 3333036 machineh
machineh's picture

While Angelo Mozilo, tending bar, winks at both of them.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:35 | 3332927 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Love the hyperbole.

To these people, the truth is a catastrophe.

It's like Thunderdome in this bitch.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:36 | 3332929 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Stuttering assholes.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:52 | 3333001 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Well known priciple of a lying SOB is this kind of stuttering - afraid they might slip up and say something truthful.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:37 | 3332936 BailoutBandit
BailoutBandit's picture

How long until this translates into another bailout? Surely the bankers are suffering more already?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:31 | 3333135 akarc
akarc's picture

Another bailout? The first one ended? One must tithe or be excommunicated, shunned, stripped of their integrity. Bailout is redefined as, "here take it!" 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:41 | 3332937 ekm
ekm's picture

Do you guys understand now where the QE money is going to?

Do you understand what the purpose of QEs is?

 

Answer: To cover losses like this for ALL PRIMARY DEALERS and MAJOR EURO BANKS

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:54 | 3333006 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Thank you, Sir!  I'll have another!  Thank you, Sir!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:12 | 3333067 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

And like they always claim when pressed, "we're operating on behalf of the US Treasury."

Squid Pro Quo, anyone?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 17:24 | 3333572 Ludwig Van
Ludwig Van's picture

ekm -- You had mentioned the other day that you thought how JPM went so would go USG (or Fed), or vice-versa.

You had also mentioned earlier today that you thought there were two factions at war in JPM, and that you didn't think Jamie Dimon would survive, i.e. that he'd be out.

Question: How integral do you think Dimon is to JPM? -- and by extension, what do you think his demise would indicate? and what larger effect do you think it would have, if any?

Thanks in advance. Big fan of yours.

.

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 02:42 | 3334648 ekm
ekm's picture

Thx a lot, sir. Quite humbled.

 

I discovered only months ago, when Janet Tavakoli told Chris Martenson in a interview that Dimon did not understand derivatives. I thought, wow.

Then later I discovered that derivatives are the main source of income for them. I said, wow, Dimon does not undertand the main line of business income.

 

Which led me to conclude that Dimon is simply a bureaucrat, quite similar to an appointed bureaucrat in a department of the gov. The bureaucrat usually has no clue and is placed in that position by some very powerful people not because of his skills, but because of his ego. 

 

Lack of skills and high dose of ego is what defines a beaurecrat. That would mean that Dimon is totally unimportant to JPM as an professional. He's got no skills.

 

Since JPM is de facto a department of US Gov, the fact that this is happening is the clearest sign that there is a growing power of a group inside the elite that opposes QE (due to supply chains breaking down slowly) and are looking to blame Dimon for any bad thing that might happen. This has been going on for too long.

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1877351_18773...

When things go rotten, time for blame arrives, hence elite inflighting arrives.


Sat, 03/16/2013 - 06:33 | 3334800 Ludwig Van
Ludwig Van's picture

Thank you, sir.

"A house divided cannot stand."

I'm encouraged.

.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:39 | 3332941 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Does this mean they plan to blame Bin Laden for JPM's cooked books?

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 11:23 | 3335120 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

Best post in weeks, maybe months!  Little gold-foil star in L upper corner!  Little praying angel rubber stamp with halo overhead R upper corner...I miss those little grammar school awards!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:39 | 3332943 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Braunstein is a practiced and pathetic sociopath.  Ina Drew is a lying peice of shit. Cavanaugh tries, but you can tell he has a conscience, Weiland is a quant in over his head with the politics...If I was a prosecutor I would break Cavanaugh to go after the rest.  BTW, Jamie and his attorneys have been watching so they now know what questions to prep him for...I only hope Levin and his cmmittee saved some surprises for Jamie the Smart.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:39 | 3332946 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

And why are we just seeing these transcripts NOW?

All planned in the scripted puppet show.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:55 | 3333010 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Probably some redacted material that had to be pulled because too many D.C. names came up.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:09 | 3333055 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Because the criminal syndicate known as Wall Street needed some time to mark the stock up and sell it prior to this event.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:51 | 3333199 akarc
akarc's picture

Because Zero Hedge thought it might be important and printed it while CNN spent it's time covering the important stuff. Like quick, get all resources to the vatican. Hire some smoke experts. Show a clip of a little man making funny little red shoes. Guaranteed couple billion viewers. Maybe more if we can put a pentacoastel spin on it. 

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 11:17 | 3335102 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

Re. the Pope side-show: It's all-Judaism, everywhere, and all the time.

Four NT vs. clearly state in black and white the "Ioudious" murdered Christ.  One vs. clearly explains the Ioudious committed a crime when they murdered Christ.  This crime was the worst in man's history till the Judaics wiped their murder of Christ off the history books and replaced it with the religious icon called "holocaustianity." 

Yet, several years ago The Pope and the Roman "clergy" declared all who believe or state verbally that Ioudious murdered Christ go straight to hell in a handbasket, do not pass "Go" and do not collect $200 (now worth about thirty five cents).

Today, when Roman clergy visit buildings under Judaic rule, the Roman clergy obey their Jew-masters by hiding their crucifixes or removing them entirely.

Any stories of alleged "friction" between the public perception of so-called "Christians" and Jewish slave masters is smokescreen, psyops 101.  More propogation of the lie that it's the poor defenseless 15M jew-victims vs. the world...pure horse manure.   

Yes, in medievil times the Ioudious' holiest of all holy books The Talmud was banned, because of vs. such as the following: "Even the best of the gentiles deserve only death."  And these jewels, "Jesus boils in excrement for eternity," and "Jesus (named later disguised as Pantera when the Talmud was under attack) is the son of the whore Mary."  (The Talmud states that the Roman guard Pantera paid Mary for sex and fathered Jesus.)

During the Inquisition, when faced with beheading or worshiping the Pope, many descendants of the Rabbis who murdered Christ joined Rome.  They later expressed their influence on Rome, including the greatest gift ever given to these descendants of the Christ-murderers: permission to republish their glorious Talmud.

Daily prayer of Judaic males: "Thank you g_d you did not make me a slave, nor a gentile, nor a woman."

Judaism: the anti-humanity religion of hate, bigotry, and racism. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:40 | 3332949 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

these transcripts mirror eerily in form the conversation between richard nixon and john dean in 1973 when the former attempted to suborn the latter into presenting a false report on watergate issuing a clean bill of health to the oval office.....the problem was that dean was the guilty traitor who had helped orchestrate and plan watergate without nixon's knowledge but who then trapped him into obstruction of justice when nixon realized he was surrounded by sharks....the cancer on the presidency is spreading to the cio and the chairman's office......dimon is playing nixon to drew's dean.....

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:50 | 3332993 knukles
knukles's picture

Where the fuck'd they get those 3 ring binders?
All my life I've wanted a 3 ring binder that big.
Guess Staples keeps 'em in the Senate Testimony department?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:20 | 3333090 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Gary North provides a fascinating storyline on this subject that I've never seen brought up elsewhere. Specifically, how did the prosecutors know exactly where to look in the tapes for the evidence, even though they would have had no idea until they'd obtained them (3700 hours worth). Yet the Judge's request was for specific portions of specific tapes.

part 1

http://www.lewrockwell.com/north/north383.html

part 2

http://www.lewrockwell.com/north/north384.html

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:41 | 3332952 Gordon_Gekko
Gordon_Gekko's picture

JPM is the Fed. Period.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:53 | 3333207 akarc
akarc's picture

The FED is Dimon and companies BITCH!

Sat, 03/16/2013 - 10:52 | 3335048 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

Nailed it!  Good on ya!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:43 | 3332953 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Ina didn't give up that money because she "felt bad".

It would have been clawed back and probably multiplied had she kept it.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:43 | 3332962 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

This is like the amalgamation of all the clichés ever told on crooked salesmen. The desperation of "Javier" in the transcript is almost too painful to read. 

I assume Gina Serpico made the recording. Is she Frank's daughter?

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:46 | 3332973 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Jamie will wear presidential cufflinks the size of Silver Eagles this time.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:48 | 3332988 BailoutBandit
BailoutBandit's picture

Bullish for silver.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:49 | 3332989 katwoman
katwoman's picture

Gosh so sorry girls that Ina appeared to 'be defensive'.  I cannot believe what those 2 airheads on CNBC just said...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:51 | 3332998 knukles
knukles's picture

Buncha sexzzist broads!

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:51 | 3332994 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

I blame scott prouty, its all his fault.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xReYMOL8nZY

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:58 | 3333219 akarc
akarc's picture

Prouty is Hero. The video was propaganda. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:56 | 3333014 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Read The Big Short by Michael Lewis. AIG did the same thing with CDS's.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:21 | 3333096 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

No Way!

/obvious sarc tag is obvious

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 13:57 | 3333018 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

If this is what the Fed is trying to protect with its $85 billion/month buy of bad paper -- we're in so much trouble....

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:09 | 3333052 BandGap
BandGap's picture

This, and the inflated ratings for mortgage bundles IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE "PROTECTING" US FROM. Too big to fail means you can do or try anything because the US taxpayer will cover your ass-ets.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:10 | 3333039 Tum
Tum's picture

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:06 | 3333046 Quonk
Quonk's picture

What should happen:

bracelets...Miranda rights...perp walk...trial...conviction...fines...time...lots of time...for many.

What will happen:

Levin admonishes...Holder sleeps...SEC reviews...Congress squabbles...Chase dodges a bullet and Dimon gets a bonus.  Might even qualify him for next Fed Chair...and the beat goes on.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:16 | 3333072 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

What will happen: hookers...coke....bonuses...vacations...raises....promotions....choppers...Lamborghinis...

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:09 | 3333057 wagthetails
wagthetails's picture

No charges will be admitted or denied. 

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:18 | 3333082 riley martini
riley martini's picture

 Fraud is good JPM stock is 30% from when the fraud was exposed . No reputation damage for fraud it just confirms TBTfail TBTjail.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 14:44 | 3333177 Brixton Guns
Brixton Guns's picture

"like the twin towers falling down" is actually a nearly spot-on analogy.  the entire 911 debacle was a falseflag psyop, executed intentionally by intel agencies and special forces under direction by Mossad and funding from the Saudis.  The billions of gold that went missing?  Good luck finding that today...

The twin towers didnt "fall" down, they were blown to smithereens using vertically-directed mostly thermal micronukes vaporizing the more than 40 steel box column supports, and tens of thousands of military grade thermate charges placed by Controlled Demolition Inc, headed up by Loizeaux.  http://www.controlled-demolition.com/

At the end of the day, you find some of the exact same usual suspects entangled in this JPM bullshit as the 911 psyop.   Hmmmmmmmmm.

Fri, 03/15/2013 - 15:06 | 3333239 Joseph Jones
Joseph Jones's picture

The day the US public swallowed, hook line and sinker, "They hate us for our freedom" was the beginning of the end.  (posted recently by another dear ZH'er)

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