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Eurogroup Folds: Tells Cyprus To "Safeguard" Depositors Under €100,000 Euros; Angry Russians To Get Even Angrier
Reuters headlines crossing the closing tape, supposedly out of a (very credible) Greek source, according to whom the Eurogroup will give Cyprus more flexibility on bank levy, and that Cyprus should safeguard depositors under €100,000, even as the full €5.8 billion deposit goal must still be hit. Well, at least they were not kidding with the whole plan. This was not unexpected - as we tweeted last night:
Quite possible that before morning Cyprus will be giving free money to those with under EUR100,000 in deposits
— zerohedge (@zerohedge) March 17, 2013
And while after all this, it is perfectly obvious that ordinary Cypriots just can't wait to start depositing money again with their local friendly bank, there are two very key questions which remain woefully unanswered:
i) how will Europe restore the confidence it has lost by even contemplating insured deposit impairments, and
ii) a deposit haircut is still a deposit haircut, and as noted earlier, the majority of Cypriot parties have announced they would vote against any bank levy, not just that which is determined to be "fair" by 10 European bureaucrats, and supposedly only hurts those evil, evil Russian billionaires.
In other words, the final word still remains with the Cypriot parties. Let the horse trading begin.
Finally, the Russian response to the discovery that haircuts on big deposits just rose from 9.9% to over 15.6% will hardly be warm and cuddly. Now may be a good time to ban gun (and plutonium) sales to angry Russian billionaire oligarchs.
P.S. All of this coming from a Greek finance minister source (speaking on behalf of Europe) means it is all 100% accurate, credible and true. We can't wait for the refutation.
P.P.S for Cypriot banks, if you see this man coming to make a withdrawal, it may be a good idea to run.
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Pansies.
I doubt this rumored concession will appease the Russians.
Nah, I hear the Russians are very understanding over the whole thing. Apparently they're even sending in some fancy ships as a sign of goodwill.
I have one million euros, does this mean I should open 11 accounts?
I'm all for flexibility of the bank levy. Ideally the levy on deposits worth less than 100k should be reduced to 3%, and the levy on deposits greater than 100k should be raised to 10% to compensate. That would be far more fair and liberal in my opinion.
Define fair?
Cypriots have a vote, but no guns (strict gun control). Russians have no vote (in Cyprus), but plenty of guns. EU bankers have neither. The politicians may find that they a siding with the wrong groups if they hit Russians for 15%.
seems like a great plot line for a movie
PUTIN: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. Now there are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
ECB: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
PUTIN: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "IMF DRAFT-UNRATIFIED" written on your mandate...
[Zoom in on the ECB's mandate, which indeed has "IMF DRAFT-UNRATIFIED" written on it; zoom out, as they sneak peeks at their demand]
PUTIN: And the fact that I've got "7.62x41mm SP-4 special purpose noiseless cartridge"...
[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]
PUTIN: Written down the side of mine...
[They look, zoom in on the side of his gun, which indeed has "7.62x41mm SP-4 special purpose noiseless cartridge" etched on the side]
PUTIN: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!
Epic Snatch quote!
Now I know Putin does a lot of staged photo ops, i.e. Sambo-throwing bears and wingsuiting through canyons. Now, look at the faces of the three suits behind Putin and tell me that their look of fear isn't real - 100%.
Assuming that this kind of theft from customers' accounts (the other and much larger one being through inflation) is a disaster for the Eurocrats, I believe it will leave Germany with only two options as this accelerates: start printing the euro or walk away from the union yourself. I think they are going to walk. They will have their own problems for sure, but I think they are ready to go.
But they are not so angry, given the oil exploration rights they have obtained for their haircut, if the other depositers were only so lucky.
Talk about lucky?
I wonder how many well connected types have multiple 99,999 euro accounts?
I don't think he's pleased. If 'dangerous' translated correctly, he's commenting on their ignorance of the repercussions or I'd say he's about to get stern with somebody...
http://rt.com/business/putin-cyprus-levy-unfair-424/ “unfair, unprofessional and dangerous,” Putin said...
I do not support the initiation of violence ever. However, I would completely understand the "why" if we find Joerg Asmussen's (http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/03/18/us-eurozone-cyprus-stumbled-in...) decapitated head on a spike along with any other Eurobank tyrant who voted for this criminal act.
If I were one of those 10 European bureaucrats, I'd be careful.
You might get the urge to kill yourself with two bullets to the back of the head.
Bullets not needed. Careful sippin your tea though, if it smells like almonds, you're already dead.
then what the fuck do we have all these weapons for?
so at first the little guy is saved...but how saved are they? when all the penthouse owners have left the complex. now you and a few studio apt. owners are left to support all the condo fes as an unsecured creditor.....
'they' will never understand.....unless, the penthouse owners have their own island setup and don't have to worry about the piss-ant studio apt owners living next to them.....
What's up with the weird stitching on his suit's left arm?
It's a hidden pocket containing a Russian tank division.
...custom tailored with self-inflating tourniquets?
it looks like the stitching of a tactical blazer.
+1 Catac for noticing the suit. The Russians haven't been too big on "fashion" for the past 100 years, but they do know how to build shit to last forever. Just like the AK-47, not very pretty, but you can beat the shit out of it, and it will just keep running.
+1 for the avatar, gotta love Yukon Cornelius!
Hahaha, isn't that from the movie Snatch? that was epic!
Really these Cypriots should have pre-empted all this. The international going rate to launder funny money is 10% - they should have taken it on the way in...still cheap for them sneaky Russians to wash their gains, set up a Cypriot company & become respectable Eurotrash buying London, Marbella, Cannes..etc
love it...this is great to watch.
It's very entertaining watching people act like these Russian VIPs earned money "the old fashioned way." Sort of like Carlos Whatever in Mexico who happens to be the richest guy in the world.
All these uber wealthy guys became "wealthy" as a result of a fascist arrangement between their "business" and the government who passes out monopolies to friends and family. These are the uber parasites just like American Banksters.
Now, it parasite vs. parasite....it just doesn't get any better than this, pass the popcorn.
Putin almost does a better Robert DeNiro than Robert DeNiro.....but not quite.
Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Let send in Ben Affleck disguesed as as a bearded hippy to rescue the saving accounts being held hostage.
How many eurocrats in Belgium could one Russian IED take out? What would be fair and balanced? They are not elected so they can not be voted out. Besides Russia is not as member but they presume to rule them. It is actually funny thinking about the guy Farage called a nobody bank clerk trying to get tough with Russian oligarchs.
Fair is helping out when it is your duty to do so. Everyone needs to pay their fair share when they are called upon by their leaders. If you can afford to pay, you have a social responsibility to help out. It's a social contract.
never the less...
IF I WHERE A SPANIARD, I WOULD HAVE WITHDRAWN MY MONEY TODAY!!!
TODAY!!!!!
SPANISH PEOPLE, TAKE YOUR MONEY OUT NOW!!!
DON'T WALK
DON'T RUN
BUT FLY LIKE A ROCKET TO THE BANK!!
There seems to be some confusion. Allow me to ass ist..
If a town of 25 people suddenly had their accounts frozen and relieved of " a percentage " of their assets, it would cause a global bank run.
Yall gettin that?
It's about what happened, not where, or how, but, what. ACCOUNT SEIZURE = FUCK A BANK on a global scale.
Everyone needs to accept defeat, when defeated. The money men are all about themselves, pushing social responsibility back onto innocent citizens.
How about you go over there and canvas innocent depositors to "do their fair share"?
I think the voters in these nations have done their "fair share" at proving that democracy gets exactly what it deserves when it betrays liberty for security. May as well just goop the whole vasaline jar up yer ol' shoot right then and there and at least you won't notice as much.
Exactly, and you see what WE'VE been voting for.
I'm thinking, now, maybe gold price won't be allowed to run up until AFTER our accounts are "siezed."
NOW you're thinking.
I thought fair was when I ate my candy bar mom made big brother give me half of the one he saved?
Duty...???
Put down the crack pipe, MDB.......
MDB is surreal today.
Absolutely. From sublime to ridiculous.
sadly most werent cluing in on the sarcasm so he had to take it up a notch.
It must.....MUST be sarcasm.
If only the game wasn't a complete sham from top to bottom - and the set of rules for us serfs completely different than those of our overseers, would I not have a problem with holding up my "social responsibility".
Nice try though.
The plan is to start with an outrageous demand and settle for slightly less. Then the next time you make a demand, more people have to take the hit because there was a compromise the last time.
Repeat a few times and eventually everyone has to pay up, even the poor folks at the bottom of the food chain.
First they came for the Russian oligarchs, but I did not speak up because I was not a Russian oligarch ....
but....the Russian oligarchs may have a word or two to say about this whole thing before it is over....or at least, they know the US/banker elite is after them....and they will HEDGE accordingly (aka, gold, guns, booze).....
"The plan is to start with an outrageous demand and settle for slightly less"
Who told you about my sex life?
HOW ABOUT TAKING AWAY MILLION DOLLAR BONUSES?
no shit, can i have 10% of your wife's time then sir? (just to compensate!) fucking shill...
I'm all for flexibility. In fact I'm willing to let them shoot all the Keynesian's with an AR 15 or a Kalashnikov.
russians have yachts as big as us destroyers
MDB: Does 10%/3% sound "more fair and balanced" to you, closer to how "we need to change" in order to achieve "job growth and financial stability"?
Guess you'll be thrilled when you hear GoBombEm soon announce his similar plan for a large part of America that he hasn't yet destroyed, and we'll be thrilled when you get out of here and go over to politico.com where you belong.
Hey MDB.... Assholes and opinions.... Everybody has one. But you.....you well,you know...
Stealing peoples money = Fair. You idiot!!!
Ten are sufficient if you distribute evenly.
Oh, but that's "structuring"!
Automatic ten years in the federal pen.
lol
Yes, in 11 different banking institutions. or just buy gold, guns and draft a getaway plan......
yes that is right , the insurance in EU works per person per bank
Putin is not going to send warships into Cypriot waters or boycott German cars ... that's a Chinese pussy move.
Putin is going to shut down the pipelines under his control due to "technical problems" with no estimate on will delivery will resume.
ALL of the EU will suddenly remember loss of Russian gas and oil shipments means ALL of their ECONOMIES will be TOTALLY FUCKED !
That's a Putin move.
Putin - doesn't he have a "good soul," or something like that? Somebody looked into his eyes once, IIRC, and determined he's really a great guy. Ted Kennedy, I think.
I think that "somebody" that looked into his eyes and said that had just been bent over for about an hour in the shower with him......
Barliman,
Agreed. Gazprom pipelines keep the EU supplied with natural gas.
The Russians will replace their lost billions with higher gas prices.
No pay - no gas.
who runs Bartertown?
They withdraw their NG.
The ENTIRE EU buys OUR NG.
Oh, happy days are here, again !
See, I told you everything would work out.
he will turn the gas back on thursday....
Actually, that was Shrub. (not that it matters what ANY of them say)
Spastica,
That someone who stared in people's eyes was George W. That was after a trip to Moscow. I was like, WTF. Is that how you measure people intentions?; look deeply into their eyes.
And McCain looked into Putin's eyes and saw, "KGB".
KGB is now spelled RBN. But yeah, same thing.
It was our former 'genius' President, George W. Bush who 'looked into his eyes'.
What a fucking idiot he is.
I can only hope he and all his cronies are thrown in a deep, dark cell and tortured every day like
he allowed to be done to so many innocent people.
http://goldtradercommentsaugust2010.blogspot.com/
Putin is going to shut down the pipelines under his control due to "technical problems" with no estimate on will delivery will resume.
Iran will appreciate that.
Win-Win defined:
Russia reminds EU with a "Rockefeller Lesson" who has who by the balls. - Win
Iran "taking up the slack" shoves "Smart Power" diplomacy up the SCOAMF's asshole AND makes the idea of a military strike on Iran "completely unacceptable" to the EU. - Win
But does Putin really give a fuck about this?
Is it his deposits under threat?
The deposits of his friends?
Is anybody considering it may suit him? ....are the depositors pissing him off hiding their money from his tax collectors - removing it from his influence. He is THE alpha dog in Russia, but there are many factions he does not like and who do not like him.
Alpha is right. Anybody hiding money in Cyprus is probably an old enemy or business partner trying to lay low.
But it works either way. If any friends are at risk of losing money he can do them "a favor" if they pay him a cut, support his policies at home, and murder his 24 yo Cypriot mistress that's giving him crap.
Vladimir Putin can publicly announce he will pay out of his own pocket to make the depositors whole.
Ths will make him VERY popular in Cyprus ... why he could probably get elected President. ;->
Privately, in Russia, he can have his people meet with the Russian account holders and explain to them THEY are going to pay the levy voluntarily and very quietly OR spend the next 10 years in a Siberian gulag for tax evasion.
If Putin does not like you in Russia ... playing the locally named roulette is your best option.
Oh ... so another Win for Putin.
Iran "taking up the slack" shoves "Smart Power" diplomacy up the SCOAMF's asshole AND makes the idea of a military strike on Iran "completely unacceptable" to the EU. - Win
But you're missing the x-factor - John McCain is going to be willy willy angwee!
Who runs Bartertown!
pods
VSPs (Very Serial People) such as Paul Krugman, Bill McBride & Noah Smith are dissapointed that not all Cyprus bank "savings" accounts are subject to confiscation of a certain % of their fiat, but they're also relieved that no due process of any form (let alone substance) was applied when making the arbitary & capricious decision to increase the % of fiat in such "savings" accounts above €100,000 that is being confiscated (since any such accounts are all undoubtedly the byproduct of "dirty deeds").
VSPs (Very Serial People) such as Paul Krugman, Bill McBride & Noah Smith are dissapointed ...
As is this MSM-friendly commentator, whose site looks like it was designed by 8th grade science students on acid.
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2013/03/watch-the-cyprus-bombast/
I did the math under the second restatement, and if you had 100,100 euros in your account and your buddy had 93,100 euros in his account, by Thursday when and if the banks open, you'd both have just over 90k euros but he'd have about 100 more euros than you. Plenty of EU pixie dust goin' around...who wants some more?
Has Nigel Farage responded, yet?
That will be CLASSIC.
The 15.6% haircut may only be on the uninsured portion of a depositor's balance, or 100 euros in your example.
They do know the majority of those dollars are Russian mafia right?
Long horse heads.
Short horse heads work well too.
When the still sea conspires an armor
And her sullen and aborted
Currents breed tiny monsters
True sailing is dead
John Kerry and Sarah Jessica Parker's heads?
ps. Imagine what their children would look like.
The British royal family, most likely.
I'm not sure the Russian mafia is that subtle
Synonymous with violent sociopath. I'm sure they will take this well.
"I doubt this rumored concession will appease the Russians."
You ain't just a whistling Dixie! Somebody is in big doo-doo.
The wild card? Russia invades and annexes Cyprus, and then tells the IMF and EU to go stuff it where the sun don't shine.
“What’s just happened is the IMF has backed up, lauded, supported, and publicized, as if it were a victory, the taking of 10% of what really turns out to be 80% of Russian ‘black money.’ Russian ‘black money’ is KGB money, now in business. The leader of Russia (Putin) was a former KGB official. Whose money do you think they have taken? This is the biggest mistake the IMF could possibly have ever made.”
Jim Sinclair-King World News
http://kingworldnews.com/kingworldnews/KWN_DailyWeb/Entries/2013/3/16_Si...
Russian kleptocrats never expected the Cypriot Inquisition. Buiter says, pay for your sins infidels.
Dup.
Hey, does that guy got one of them "Bernanke Bazooka's" I've been hearing about?
This is a trial balloon to see what Russia may do or the people might do.
The Russians no doubt are the ones who have made some of the parliament members rethink their vote of approving the haircut. Russians haven't put their money there for haircuts in the first place. They have put it there for their hair to grow long. But no one in Europe or in the U.S. should feel their money is safe as long as it is in a bank that is ultimately controlled by the Fed. The only place people can feel warm and fuzzy and secure is in nice hard metal that shines.
I have a feeling these "haircuts" are gonna turn into Cuban Neckties Russian style!
They'd eat their children before they'd part with money and they love their children.
Fold rhymes with Gold
Fiat rhymes with fascist plutocrat bastards.
Perhaps this whole thing was simply smoke to distract the sheep?
It sure did push last Friday's JPMorgan hearings to the back burner.
Good point.
Gold Comradez!
Never steal from a thief, comrades.
I suspect the Ruskies will get revenge. Unless the money if from oligarchs that Putin hates. Maybe he sanctioned the hit on their accounts?
New Guy Ritchie movie in the works "Rock 'n' Rolla AK47 Cypriola"!
What happens in fractional reserve banking when the local fraction goes away?
I believe it's called "New Math".
Exactly! Now, people will just withdraw as much as they can knowing its safe to do so for a while...
...assuming the banks actually reopen.
same as any math with div/ 0 in the formula
you get DIVIDE by ZERO
sweet, infinite wealth!
Dived by zero.
DIV!
Who are the counter-parties to the Cyprus banks?
And what defines a credit event?
Angry mob at German Embassy in Cyprus...guy climbs up building and tears down flag, throwing to mob. Video courtesy of GLP.
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message2172248/pg1
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-03-18/sun-just-set-german-empire-cypr...
Best rant yet regarding Cyprus,
The Artist Taxi Driver explains Cyprus.
"The poor know where the rich live and the rich are outnumbered."
WalStreetPro has relocated to London to work as a cabbie. Extreme profanity warning.
http://dailybail.com/home/must-see-the-great-cyprus-bank-robbery.html
"Angry mob at German Embassy in Cyprus...guy climbs up building and tears down flag, throwing to mob."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaOuq0dPRvc
It takes a generation to foster institutional trust and a millisecond to wreck it.
Fear factor red alert: Financial terrorist Larry Summers appears on CNBC
The sky might fall. The ATMs will stop working, There'll be marshall lawlessness within hours if you don't give us banksters the people's money.
Fuck You Larry Summers. Did I authorize you to take control of my money? No. So fuck you.
If I had the opportunity to waterboard any of the main protagonists (solely to gain actionable intelligence, mind you), it would be Summers.
I would do it but I really don't care what they have to say so it would morph into a regular old drowning.
pods
Cuz the guillotine is too civilized for his kind.
For starters, starting at the top, a 1 cm per slice vivisection procedure might be a good standing, though, eh?
Bluff called.
Next.
Well, at least the EUR should be able to close today's gap. :)
Putin was mad when they were taking $3 billion from Russian accounts before. Now that is a 50% increase to $4.5 billion from Russian accounts.
Russia may boycott German cars as the Chinese boycotted Japanese cars, In any case, Germany can "recycle" 1 million more new cars.
With the collapse of Europe's auto market, and the channel-stuffing that is rife in every car manufacturer in the world, it is no surprise that at the end of their brief lease periods, European cars (Audi in this case) are being led to this 'graveyard' in Germany (70 miles north of Munich).
Fortunately it's almost spring in northern Europe. If they can back-pedal for another month or so, they won't have to fret about Russia cutting back on the delivery of natural gas until next winter.
Not totally correct... german industry and powerplants require the gas.
Maybe US gas could be shuttled into the EU, but I don't think there would be enough time to pull this off before there was production impact.
Interesting plan, THe EU might be forced to buy LNG from the US at higher prices...
What's the good news about that? That was GoBombEm's tax plan...
Looks like they decided to raise the money by running upside stops in the market.
LOL
It becomes obvious that someone has too much power when they start doing very stupid shit.
Asked for a comment on this event,OBlameo said "No Comment".
True meaning= HE agrees it's fine.
That will instill even MORE faith in his trustworthiness.
Trust, once violated is almost never achieved again.
Thought maybe it was because they couldn't find a place to plug in the teleprompter.
toys,
They have been doing stupid thins as long as I can remember. I think now people will start paying attention.
True, that's why I qualified it with very.
Another example from the US:
Putting a 10% luxury tax on the purchase of all new yachts so that industry packs up and leaves.
My guess.
1. The EU and IMF totally fold.
2. Germany realizes there is no escape from the Southern Europe hell hole.
3. Germany leaves Euro.
Actually, I would not be surprised if this was all set up by Germany as to innocently create a good excuse to leave it. Cyprus is the perfect culprit, unlike the PIGS.
Yep, Merkel has an election coming up and sees the handwriting on the wall. The German people are not going to continue to endure recession to fund bailouts to Southern EU countries that lie and refuse to make fundamental changes to their deficit spending. This was the Merkel hail mary pass to tell the parasites to pony up or it will be every country for themselves. Merkel got a great big Nein. Could be the great reset is starting.
Can Merkel make it until Sptember.
Septembers in Europe are aways full of suprises.
I don't know... I haven't seen german poll data that supports the contention that germans are ready to bail. There are age-group pockets that show a preference for leaving, but across all age groups it is not indicated by the poll data.
4. Can kicked until war "breaks out."
Maybe this was just a test run to see if they could get away with it...