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A London Cabbie Explains The Great EU Bank Robbery And Much Much More

Tyler Durden's picture


Still in WallStreetPro withdrawal? We may have just the methadone fix for you... "You will lose your f##king money in your bank," is how this English gentleman cabbie begins his caustic diatribe against all that is wrong with European (and in fact) the world of bankers and elites. The so-called 'artist taxi driver' has a spit-flying hand-smashing epic rant while sitting in his taxi. "They did a stress test on the banks in Cyprus 18 months ago and said it's f##king great" and now this; "this is some f##king crooked shit." "They're off their f##king nuts mate," he explains as he asks rhetorically of the bankers getting the bailouts, "how many f##king ponies do their daughters' need?"

Insightfully he remarks that, "Cyprus could be the beginning of a bigger and f##king worse financial crisis," and exclaims "[Goldman Sachs and the Bankers] are looking after their own interest - who are they f##king borrowing money to in Cyprus?" His exasperation is one many can empathize with we are sure as he concludes, "We need to shut down the f##king markets... What kind of society allows the rich people to be gambling while the poor people f##king die," ending with a warning, "Wake the f##k up!"

"If they can take the money from Cyprus, they can do it anywhere - do you get that in your nuts?"

Enjoy (with the volume turned down)...


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Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:21 | 3344938 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Now THAT'S a guy I'd like to have a beer with!!!  OY!!!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:26 | 3344952 ACP
ACP's picture

Just make sure it's a pub build like a bomb shelter...let's see how long that guy lasts before being droned...

Edit: I disagree with the "bankers should be locked up" part. No banker should be locked up, just hanged.

Edit edit: Strike that...flayed, drawn, quartered and hanged with whatever is left.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:50 | 3344966 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

This is simply a financial ambush followed by a sovereign coup d'état.

The irony is, the Russian Mafia is more of an ally than our own Banking System.

The logic and reasoning is all in Holdren's Ecoscience (1977). If you haven't read it, do so. IT'S. ALL. IN. THERE!!!

John Holdren's Ecoscience (1977)
Ecoscience: Population, Resources, Environment
Obama's Science Advisor Called For Planetary Regime To Enforce Totalitarian Population Control Measures (ie. 1984, Hunger Games etc)


This has been an announcement from 'Team Agenda21': The REAL Global Police

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:50 | 3345079 american eyedol
american eyedol's picture

that maybe peirs morgan is disguise

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:54 | 3345095 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

This ought to be entered as expert witness testimony at the next JPM hearing.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:59 | 3345116 Stackers
Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:06 | 3345326 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

As eloquent and stylish as this gent is, he's got nothing on a buddy of mine from Jersey.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:54 | 3345478 Pegasus Muse
Pegasus Muse's picture

London Cabbie has been spending way too much time on ZeroHedge.  lol 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:36 | 3345616 1C3-N1N3
1C3-N1N3's picture

I didn't take LongSoupLine for a Brit...Right on, man.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:49 | 3345655 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

Fuck yeah!  I feel like breakin stuff! time to thrash! 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:20 | 3345746 Element
Element's picture

Give the man a raise! ... I feel your anger Brother ... spot on.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:46 | 3345800 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

I only wish Max Keiser was still in London to have this guy on his show.  Ofcourse it would just be a "bleep" fest, but it it still would make for an interesting show.

In Max's next show tomorrow, he contends that Jamie Dimon is really tape worm operating in the colon of the world.  Once and a while Jamie pops his tapeworm head out the world's asshole to say hello, but then crawls back up our ass to make the world miserable.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 02:30 | 3345943 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Slight off of topic... Can is get tapeworm from eat horse meat. Boris is familiar with unpleasantry and recommend is first boil meat at 3 hours. If has industrial grade pasteurizing tank, maybe is can do for shorter time.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 03:05 | 3345967 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

In Orenburg, traditional method is have horse or bear drink 10 to 20 liters of pure vodka of 200 proof, or until animal keel over and die, along with any parasites attached.  Butcher and save blood to make delicious Juka that is already seasoned.

Close to Chernobyl, tapeworms & parasites in wild horse or bear less issue since tapeworm generation sterilized long ago. Can cook meat on ground there. 2 minute is medium well.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:39 | 3349658 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Is remind Boris of special brand of vodka, is put tape worm in bottle like a Tequila. But, once, when Boris is work at Russia Academy of Sciences, find bottle with large worm in bio-sciences lab and sneak drink. Not so great... tastes is like formaldehyde.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 04:22 | 3346010 Halobitt
Halobitt's picture

FEDbuster, Max has been in ChunkyMark's taxi a couple of times.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 03:57 | 3345997 sadmamapatriot
sadmamapatriot's picture

 No shit! That was my first thought. Obviously a Zero Hedger. And if he isn't, he damn well should be.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:48 | 3345283 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

i think this is jim jefferies....ive been following him for awhile....never boring....never

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:40 | 3345263 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

This guy only convinces me further that WW3 will be between the ultra-wealthy with their bought

and paid for governments and the people they intend to enslave. First, they will need an excuse

to take away our guns. 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 04:27 | 3345990 Daily Bail
Daily Bail's picture

This might be a better clip.  He completely loses it a few times.  He has real talent.  He's actually a performance artist with a BA in theater.  I have the link to his wikipedia page in this story.

Artist Taxi Driver: Goldman Sachs Sends Message To Spain


Tue, 03/19/2013 - 07:55 | 3346230 onthesquare
onthesquare's picture

In the good old days, when everyone had their own currency, the Greek currency would have taken a 10% drop.  The EU was going to act as a buffer to share the hard times with their 10 other sister countries.  This is the way they are goint back to the currency value adjust.

I still think the glass is half empty

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:40 | 3344982 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Here's an idea:  Quit fighting the inevitable and just break up the European Union sooner, rather than later, which will save massive costs, spare massive levels of further economic and societal strife, and possibly prevent much, much worse consequences as a result of trying to extend such an unsustainable exercise that's precisely akin to attempting to deny basic mathematical formulas or the laws of physics.

p.s. As mentioned many times before, the Ponzi that is the fractional reserve private fiat currency closed loop monetary system, whereby a central bank "front man" acts at the behest of private banking concerns, with such banking concerns having literally purchased the representatives and regulators of sovereign nations, which was born in England, is and has been a major source of conflict between nations such as Germany & England for more than a century now, and will continue to be so until this systemic fraud is replaced by a system that genuinely serves the interest of the majority of citizens in truly sovereign nations, and a system that promotes & rewards genuine economic productivity, rather than clever financial scheming and gaming.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:45 | 3345053 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

Cyprus should go long levered as much silver both phyzz, paper as well as secure exclusive contracts to buy as much silver as a few big miners can pull out of the ground over a period of time then pull the fucking pin on the Euro then kick back and watch the dominoes fall, major banks collapse,  silver shoot to $500 an oz. and suddenly Cyprus becomes the little country that could.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:56 | 3345105 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Cyrus should invite the Chinese to have a Naval Base do ya like them apples UN?!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:33 | 3345410 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

Miley or Billy Ray?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:40 | 3345429 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

I was thinking Cyrus the Elder.  Does that make me out of date?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:23 | 3345108 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

By the way, this cabbie is saying the exact thing George Carlin said here:

George Carlin on "the American Dream" - YouTube

It's never going to get any better, don't look for it, be happy with what you've got...BECAUSE THE OWNERS OF THIS COUNTRY DON'T WANT THAT. I'm talking about the real owners now...the REAAL owners. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.

Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice . . . you don't. You have no choice. You have OWNERS. They OWN *you*. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear.

They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying . . . to get what they want ... They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they don't want . . . they don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They're not interested in that . . . that doesn't help them. That's against their interests. That's right. They don't want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly they're getting ***** by a system that threw them overboard 30 *****' years ago.

They don't want that. You know what they want? They want obedient workers . . . Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly ***** jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, [****and now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your *****' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? They'll get it . . . they'll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this *****' place.*******] It's a big club and you ain't in it. You and I are not in The big club. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table has tilted folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good honest hard-working people . . . white collar, blue collar it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means . . . continue to elect these rich ***** who dont give a ***** about you. They dont give a ***** about you . . . they dont give a ***** about you. They dont care about you at all . . . at all . . . at all, and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. That's what the owners count on. . .

-George Carlin

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:34 | 3345232 Banksters
Banksters's picture

George was our Voltaire.   

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:44 | 3345341 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture







" By the way, this cabbie is saying the exact thing George Carlin said here:"


George Carlin on "the American Dream" - YouTube

It's never going to get any better, don't look for it, be happy with what you've got...BECAUSE THE OWNERS OF THIS COUNTRY DON'T WANT THAT. I'm talking about the real owners now...the REAAL owners

- - - - - - - - -- 

Doesn't explain the Bill Gates (MS), Steve Jobs (Apple), Michael Dells (Dell doh!), Andy Grove of Intel et al (THIS AINT'NT FOOCKIN 1950 BOYS WHERE ALL THE ELITE MAGNATES WITH THE MONEY BACK EAST ARE CALLING ALL THE SHOTS!!!) ... his material is dated  ... even the MIGHTY GM ain't no more ...


Sorry to ruin your pity-party, "sunshine".



Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:58 | 3345679 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

^ Ident another dipshit who actualy believes in the publiciezed top 100 wealthiest induviduals in the US. theyre not, their arms are twisted and allowed to do what they do. The club has a PR dept and you are suckin it all up. Just beacuse they go to Bilderberg once doesnt make them the saints you are geting at.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:04 | 3345696 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

go past people magazine when you read about uncle bill, m-kay?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:23 | 3345741 prains
prains's picture


your just another tool backing the meritocracy (sorry you don't know what that is). It doesn't matter what pool of hate you come from left or right, the market is cornered by the dominance of oligarchy, this is borne out by our entire human history. It is inevitable no matter what "system" you propogate. And all you argue for in your list of names is for more meritocrats, when really behing their banner is more oligarchy.

please educate yourself

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:59 | 3345814 Lore
Lore's picture

Argument makes some people stop thinking. Just ignore.

Give him time. We were all there once. His thinking will expand.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:02 | 3345132 rocker
rocker's picture

Thank You Zero Hedge for Finding this one.

Your plan sounds great about what Cyprus should do. But you miss the point. JPMorgan and most likely Goldman are controlling the price of precious metals. JP most likely still has their shorts in place.  If you watch what is going on the market is exposing the greatest ponzi scheme in real time.  The Gold and other miners are ALL near 52 week lows. So what does that tell us. This is the sector the Banking Cartel is forcing down so they can buy them on the cheap. They don't care who they bankrupt in this process. All the better for them. African miners getting shot because the won't work as the slaves the mine owners demand of them. Slavery is still alive. The debt slaves of the world work to pay banks their hard earned money so the banksters can maintain their lavish lifestyles. Hank Paulson and Neel Kashkari, (both X Goldman empoyees) engineered the bailouts in the U.S. so that Lloyd Blankfein could get his 100 million dollar bonus immediately after the bailouts. The banksters should get some Jail time, but Bambi is scared of them too. Let's face it. The Goldman's and Morqans rule the World.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:40 | 3345258 rayduh4life
rayduh4life's picture

"give me control of a nations currency and I care not who makes it's laws".  Barron Rothchild.


"As a man of sense, I am a gold bug and I support a goldbug government and goldbug society.  As a man of the world, I like confusion, anarchy and war".  J.P. Morgan.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:20 | 3345567 hawk nation
hawk nation's picture

went to four coin shops today and they had a total of 3 ounces of gold and call 2 more and they had one ounce


the end is near

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:00 | 3345685 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

try nuggets they fill in sachs very well

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:50 | 3345075 flacon
flacon's picture

Can't break up the EU because of CDS. "We Are One" now. 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:35 | 3345614 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

the only thing Cab Guy is missing is the distinction between Capitalism and Fascism.  "Free Markets" aren't giving Cypriots the hair cut!   This is the total antithesis of free markets.  This is completely enslaved markets...moving at the will of the masters.  We are all fighting slavery...not freedom.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:15 | 3345342 GOLDTRADERRR

They should be kept alive and made to endure the pain they have inflected on us all.

Put them in dark, dirty cells in a horrible old prison and make them scrub floors on their

hands and knees ALL DAY, EVERY DAY with a toothbrush.

Make the rest of their rotton live  A LIVING HELL!

Fri, 03/22/2013 - 18:50 | 3364196 Debt-Is-Not-Money
Debt-Is-Not-Money's picture

Yeah, like Chateau D'If

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:28 | 3345393 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

Ass-raped first.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:30 | 3344956 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

He's a ZHer, for sure.  I can just fucking sense it.


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:31 | 3344978 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Lots o' fucks. Might be Soupy.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:39 | 3345023 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Well noticed: From the accent definitely East London, so maybe Soupy lives in a des. res. Docklands pad??

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:40 | 3345257 dick cheneys ghost
Tue, 03/19/2013 - 05:21 | 3346037 justinius1969
justinius1969's picture

He is not a cockney.. more home counties..

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:33 | 3345608 Spigot
Spigot's picture

I'm partial to the idea that he's one of our Tyler Durdens.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:43 | 3345270 Blackfox
Blackfox's picture

The guy has been on the Max Kieser show, he also has lung cancer sadly. His rants are epic about the state of the uk.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:28 | 3344967 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Imagine what it would be like to go to a Manchester United match with him.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:34 | 3345000 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

my money is on him being a West Ham United supporter, no way does he support Man Ure

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345033 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

On the "expletive index" alone, I'm betting Chelsea.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:05 | 3345142 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

Perhaps, but he did mention "city chavs" in a derogatory manner so that ruled out Chelsea in my mind :)

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 03:38 | 3345989 Rubicon
Rubicon's picture

Definitley Millwall

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:49 | 3345072 Rubbish
Rubbish's picture

"Who's behind this shit?"

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:05 | 3345143 rocker
rocker's picture


Sat, 03/23/2013 - 22:11 | 3345978 All Risk No Reward
All Risk No Reward's picture

Biggest Finance Capital - the private sector people who define debt based money, control the debt based money system, finance / control your government, finance / control the media, finance / control every major societal establishment organization, finance / controlmega corporations, etc.

Eisenhower referred to them as "the power of money" and said they were to be "gravely regarded" in his fairwell speech.

George Carlin called this group "The Owners."

I call them Debt Money Tyrants because their Debt Money Tyranny is Fountain of Youth for their particular brand of covert authoritarian tyranny:

I believe this covert financial authoritarian tyranny is ajust a phase that precedes their version of totalitariansim.

The time to resist this is now.  Spread the word.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:58 | 3345114 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

It is truly a pity this guy is British because he would be a great candidate for

president of the U.S.A. I think he is Nigel Farage's long lost cousin. Not only would

I vote for him, I would work for his campaign for free.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 00:14 | 3345837 Lore
Lore's picture

Guys like him don't fit this system. As a slave, he's a failure. 

I wonder if at least some of the people behind things like 911 ever feel regret.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:47 | 3345801 Number 156
Number 156's picture

"Now THAT'S a guy I'd like to have a beer with!!!  OY!!!"

Ive gotta know which cab company he drives for, because when I land there, Im calling him for a ride.


Tue, 03/19/2013 - 03:07 | 3345970 Super Marco
Super Marco's picture

"Whats that Basel fucking shit!?"

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:22 | 3344945 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

More Bulldozer Vids.
More Angry Mob Vids.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:23 | 3344947 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

where's the fucking money lebowski?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:27 | 3344963 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

"We are nihilists Lebowski! We believe in nussing!"

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:53 | 3345090 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

"This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass Larry!"

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:29 | 3344971 CoonT
CoonT's picture

Too funny!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:24 | 3344949 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

 I've been more grumpy than usual, too.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up caffeine.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:23 | 3344950 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

nut not nuts - it's different.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:24 | 3344954 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

BTW, Zerohedge has done a great job with this coverage. If I had to rely on the MSM, I'd know nothing.....which is what they want. Our American media sucks.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344999 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I visited my parents yesterday and they'd heard absolutely nothing about any of this, but they rely on the legacy media to stay "informed."

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:35 | 3345008 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

I don't even bother to tell my parents anymore, they think I'm insane bwahahaha

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:44 | 3345044 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I actually showed them the Forbes article from last week about all the DHS ammo specifically so I could say, "See? I'm not insane. It's right here in fucking Forbes now even though I told you about it months ago."

I think my mom may finally understand after that. Her words: "They're preparing for a civil war."

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:51 | 3345074 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Dickens was right.

Ghost of Christmas present: "Their names are Ignorance and Want. Beware of them, for upon their brow is written the word 'Doom.' They spell the downfall of you and all who deny their existence.”

MSM provides the ignorance, Banksters provide the want.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:55 | 3345102 zanez
zanez's picture


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:34 | 3345231 S5936
S5936's picture

"How many fuckin ponies their duaghters need"....... Indeed

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 23:44 | 3345798 Element
Element's picture

Sad they have to read it in a magazine before they 'believe' it. How does one ascertain if the Forbes story is correct and truthful? By reading it and believing it implicitly. Hey, its printed right here, it must be true!

Yet I can confirm or discard something I read on the internet (or in print) usually with a few seconds of checking basic facts and claims and implications. Some people are trained believers, rightly or wrongly, doesn't matter, they'll always be drones and that's why the world is so intractably dysfunctional and will not self-correct.

Sad, but at least Forbes somewhat worked.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:40 | 3345029 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

The US govt/MSM has to keep the American sheeple asleep at ALL COSTS or its game over. Imagine the panic on the faces of your average American when they finally realized they have been lied to and assfucked since the day they squirted out.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:28 | 3344968 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I am getting cash out this week.

I called my bank and told them I knew about the ECB stealing money from Cyprus depositors.

I told them if they didn't think people were watching I was, and please pass it on.  I am getting my money out as it will be safer in my posession with my gun to defend it than in any bank, U.S.A. or not.

NO TRUST is what I told them.

Fuck You Bankers!!!


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:32 | 3344989 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

why do you need to ask? can you not just go there and get your cash?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:38 | 3345021 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

No, I can't.

Any withdrawals over $10,000 they are required to file a report with the U.S.A. Internal Revenue Service.

Online bank without a local branch, they want a $20 fee, blah-blah, etc., etc., etc.

Cash controls are already in place, getting cash from your own account requires planning and subterfuge.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:45 | 3345050 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Ur a terrrrist.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:30 | 3345220 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

I thought they lowered the reporting requirement to 5000 post DHS?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:45 | 3345450 rayduh4life
rayduh4life's picture

Yep, and don't forget "structuring" - transactions designed to stay under the threshold for reporting - is a crime.  Aint that some B/S.



Tue, 03/19/2013 - 15:48 | 3349153 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Hey ebworthen, that's been changed to $3K from $10K

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:48 | 3345068 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Depends on how much actual paper you're looking for.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:09 | 3345153 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Cash is shop inventory to a bank.  They only have enough on hand to deal with normal routine.  If you want to make a large cash withdrawal, call them and identify yourself, tell them you will be in on a specific day and specific time (at least three days out) to pick up $x in cash.

They will meet you and take you to an office to discretely give you the cash.  Forms and documents, your cash has accumulated over time, answer that all sources are already recorded.  Tell them your occupation is Superman or gay porn fluffer (make them write it down), then thank them and go promptly home.

It's no sweat.  Just remember that the bank is like a cupcake all their cupcakes and the other customers will be pretty pissed.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 01:04 | 3351128 geekgrrl
geekgrrl's picture

"Tell them your occupation is Superman or gay porn fluffer"

Kudos for your breadth of thought here, but in my experience, the less you tell the tellers, the better.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:44 | 3345047 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture


Shove your 0.10% APY....

Give me my fucking money.

N  O    T R U S T 


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:21 | 3345188 Esso
Esso's picture

0.10% APY? That's a 1Y CD rate. JPMorgue is paying 0.01% on a regular savings account. That'll net you $0.96/yr on a $10,000 deposit.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:34 | 3345414 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

If they pay too much interest the feds have said they won't let them unload all their toxic derivative crap onto depositers. Something about the deposit guarantee going away.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:51 | 3345469 FrozenOut
FrozenOut's picture

My son (he's eight) wanted to open a bank account, so we went to Chase and did it. Yep 0.01% per annum. What's the point of that? We've trained one generation to think that a 25% annual ROR is normal and now we're training another that saving is pointless. He'd be better off trading his $25 for candy and eating it. The optimal theory of investment, bequest and CONSUMPTION. Eat your money, it's the only way to enjoy it.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:44 | 3345640 Spigot
Spigot's picture

An invaluable lesson would be to have him deposit half of his money in the bank and with the other half to buy silver dimes and quarters. Keep accounts, calc the silver prices weekly. After a year give him the choice how to re-allocate his investment strategy.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:48 | 3345253 Awakened Sheeple
Awakened Sheeple's picture

Hell yeah, EB!

Protect your ASSsets, my friend.

Edit: Today I took a big step in taking out a maxed 401k loan, which I've been contemplating on doing for several years (i don't have the option for withdrawel of all funds). After Cyprus, its clear that not only is this move rational - you'd have to be fucking brain dead to not see what lengths governments will go to to keep the banking system intact.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:52 | 3345291 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Cashed out my 401 last week. Had to get sideways with Fidelity to get it. May I ask if you were limited on the amount and/or if you had to give them a specific amount you wanted to WD? I've been wanting to do the same thing since b4 this hit the wires.


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:31 | 3344969 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Desperate men (from all sides of the table) will do desperate things.

<Get that into your fucking nut.>

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:30 | 3344975 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

Cyprus might be small compared to the EU but it is SERIOUS to the UK, This is where our old people retire to, it's there or spain, In Cyprus they speak English, its an ex-colony, you watch the videos of people protesting, everything is in English and it's not for your benefit. It's because it an ex-British colony. They all speak english there. 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:31 | 3344984 Atoyota
Atoyota's picture

LOL I'd like to get "Drinking with Bob" and this guy in the same room!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:34 | 3344986 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"In whose interest is it?  Who are these fucking people!?!?!?"

He gets it, a regular guy. 

Guess how many other people get it?  Too many for the Banks to handle.

I just can't fucking wait for their shit to crash and for them to hang. 

Fuck the fucking bankers!  I love this guy; I am with you!

Rise up sheeple, RISE UP!!! 








Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:37 | 3345015 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

I'm going to do something about this EB.... as soon as I finish watching the latest

episode of "Here comes Honey-Boo-Boo.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345031 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

lol, yes, I know, many U.S. Sheeple will not even hear this.

Too bad for them; they will be giving me something of value for the cash I hold.

Black market time, gray market time, be prepared or be sorry - this is a canary in the coal mine with feet in the air.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:32 | 3344987 Momauguin Joe
Momauguin Joe's picture

One day, a REAL rain will come...

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344990 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

Took the words right out of my mouth!!!!!!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344994 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

This guy puts Nigel Farage to shame.............


Nigel wont touch 'the City' or Wall St..............


Next time you wankers wanna suck Nigel's dick, just remember this guy

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:13 | 3345162 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture


Ranter will become grease for Tower Bridge raising mechanism tomorrow, by the order of the King, for bringing the City into this.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344995 The Invisible Foot
The Invisible Foot's picture

I bet he smokes too :)

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:55 | 3345101 Dealer
Dealer's picture


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344996 NFisher
NFisher's picture

...Says the Taxi-Driver.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:51 | 3345086 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

... Says Ben Bernanke


(November 21, 2002) "The U.S. government has a technology, called a printing press (or today, its electronic equivalent), that allows it to produce as many U.S. dollars as it wishes at no cost."


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:57 | 3345100 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

How about in June 2011?

The asshat said:

"Current talk of high prices and fear of inflation are largely overstated.  Rising food prices in developing nations can be attributed to the people in those nations seeking more sophisticated diets."


I went and bought cheese on the weekend.  KRAFT now has a new package for the cheese I buy, 25% smaller, yet price went up by 10%.  This is the 3rd time it has happened in the last 4 years with the pre-grated mozarella packages.

No inflation, I guess I'm just sophisticated.


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:26 | 3345384 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Its transitory not systemic.

Orly says so...

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:18 | 3345178 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

NFischer said:  "...Says the Taxi-Driver."

Sarcasm, or are you really an elitist snob who needs a hemp tie?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:33 | 3344997 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Well, if your going to fuck up, fuck up big.   Merkel will go down in history as the woman who started the global bank runs.

Straight up fucked six ways to Sunday, doesn't even begin to describe what is about to happen.


OK, so let's ban some shit, who's got some shit that needs banning?

Aw shit, i got one.

Savings Accounts!



Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:06 | 3345030 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

A few others have pointed this out but it seems so bloody obviously stupid what they've done, I can't help but think that they've floated this idiotic idea with the hopes of getting their "real" plan into play.  What is Merkel's real intentions I wonder?  That being said, they might really be this stupid and I give them too much credit and this was the plan all along. 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:31 | 3345222 Esso
Esso's picture

Maybe this is a test to gauge the reaction of the people on a small scale. Being a relatively small island nation it would be easy to contain the citizens via NATO forces. If they get too uppity, send in the bombers.

Regardless, anyone still stupid enough to keep money in a bank is getting fair warning.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:55 | 3345082 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

They are not "Savings Accounts"

They are now "Shavings Accounts" - and the shaving is being done by those you used to trust to look after your interests.

THE central "Essence" of the Banking System was that of trust - the bond of trust between the depositor, and the bank.

That trust has now gone. So, why use a Bank, except as an "immediate use conduit" for transactions that have to be performed using the Banking System? Western Union provides just as useful a service, and they don't skim your deposits (yet!)


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:26 | 3345385 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

They're "Shearing Accounts"

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:38 | 3345426 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

If they admitted the banking system is a ponzi it would have been worse. This was the safe option...

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:35 | 3345002 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

He spoke more fucking truth in in fucking five  minutes than all the fucking CNBS talking heads will do in their lifetimes. 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:59 | 3345498 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

True, but his lips aren't as big as Butt Aroma's and his tits aren't as big as horse face Caruso Cabrera's........

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:35 | 3345007 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:36 | 3345012 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Reminds me of a former colleague . . .

Certainly NOT a happy chappie, but his points are pretty valid, and this particular little act of grand larceny should act as a very loud "Wake Up!" call for even the deaf-by-choice (which seems to be the majority Worldwide).

And, maybe, (just maybe) this has finally occurred - a very quick Google search using "Cyprus Banking Crisis" yields 336,000 hits, with nearly 2000 links to "everyone's favourite site" - YouTube.

Lots of political back-pedalling, and damage control, but the Genie is now out, and this is certainly a game change moment for everyone.

Incidentally, where is the PROOF that the "Russian Deposits" are all "Black-Market" money? Brother-in-law works for CITIBank (Russia) and his (informed) view is that most of the Russian money is pretty legit. - Ex.pat. retirees, and small to medium Businesses using Cyprus as a gateway to the EU Markets - saving on day - to - day transaction costs by having an EU account in Euros.

Seems like another case of whitewash to hide the real intent, doesn't it.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:38 | 3345019 FinalCollapse
FinalCollapse's picture

He is fucking right!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:39 | 3345026 CaptainObvious
CaptainObvious's picture

Inthemix96, come clean, that's you in the video, isn't it?  That sounds like one of your epic rants, which I always upvote just on principle. ;)

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345034 caimen garou
caimen garou's picture

forward this video to your rep, I sent it to bone head boehner, retard ried, and cnbc just for fun!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345035 e.blair
e.blair's picture

If somebody could get this guy some footage of WTC7, he could get a perfect 10 on his next rant.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345036 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

This guy is better informed than everybody on CNBC combined.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:41 | 3345037 Mine Is Bigger
Mine Is Bigger's picture

Can we swap him for Eric Holder, please?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:43 | 3345041 wonger
wonger's picture

Why oh why is there not more people like you who have obviously worked out whats really going on

You could be our Beppe Grillo, dude you get my vote for sure

Im giving you 11 out of 10 for that performance, thats central banker maths for you lol

Well done!



Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:44 | 3345042 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Sad truth is he is right.

As Bernanke keeps printing 85 Billion a MONTH. 

And Congress and the Senate debate over 85 Billion in cuts a YEAR.

We all know it is just to take America over and give it to the Bankers.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:44 | 3345048 chump666
chump666's picture

Hell yeah I love Londoners! 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:45 | 3345056 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

we do got that in our nuts - and in our sanes.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:46 | 3345058 Roandavid
Roandavid's picture

I like this guy.  He's articulate.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:54 | 3345089 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Appears to me that instead of trying to get Tax Money which they have found difficult in Greece, they are going for the Jugular and Confiscating it before there is even a Tax Increase.

You paid it from the withdraw from your account and now what are you going to do about it.  That way they do not have to figure out how to collect it from the population that goes underground. 

Taxed and done.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:03 | 3345097 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

 DoublePlusGood. +5

This gentleman has summarised everything, which had been the topic du jour, here & elsewhere, over the past several days, and is, indeed, right on the money. Bravo

I like his very perceptive angle on the UK economy, "Osbourne sending Cancer Kids in wheelhairs off to death-slave-labour camps to work in Tesco" - Lord, why have you punished Britain so?

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:46 | 3345276 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Nothing wrong with working for Tesco!

In the last Century (!!) they were a mainstay provider of "after hours" Student employment - stacking shelves during the graveyard shift was good work, reliable work, and paid well.

Quite a camaraderie too - certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Maybe things have changed: If Tesco, Waitrose or Sainsbury are running death-slave labour camps, you can rest assured that the likes of Walmart and Safeway will be running the UK equivalent of the Gulag.

Presumably the "better connected" end up working in the "better class of death-slave labour camps" run by the more upmarket institutions (Harrods, Selfridges, Harvey Nicks, etc), although the last time I visited (a decade ago), the counter staff seemed just as feral as those everywhere else in London.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:57 | 3345111 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

Great rant, but homie needs some work on those teeth.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:57 | 3345112 Lordflin
Lordflin's picture

Well fuck!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:57 | 3345113 Banksters
Banksters's picture

I've watched homeless people get the shit beat out of them for stealing food and Jon Corzine never get charged with a crime after looting 1.6 billion dollars.  I'm not sure if the human mind is supposed to handle such contrasts.   

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:04 | 3345141 chump666
chump666's picture

Hence the guillotines laying in wait.

Gonna get messy out there, real messy.

Riots etc

Foolish academia.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:54 | 3345297 ForTheWorld
ForTheWorld's picture

That assumes that people like The Honorable Jon will be seen anywhere near a guillotine. They may just be for us.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:59 | 3345117 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

It has of course long been scientifically proven that one can almost never go wrong when combining the colourful personality of a London cab driver, some street-smart economics, and gratuitous dose of the word fucking.

Don't take my word, it's in the journals.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:09 | 3345155 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

You never go wrong when you tell the fucking truth.  Put that in the fucking journals. 

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 22:29 | 3345598 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Fuck the fucking fuckers!

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 19:59 | 3345120 10044
10044's picture

I fucking love this fucking guy

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 21:10 | 3345338 ironmace
ironmace's picture

fuckin' A

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:02 | 3345130 new game
new game's picture

some other eu nations are waking up- beppe- well some hope, na- cause people never really do anything that take them out of their comfort zone.

til its too late...

great rant tho

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:02 | 3345131 100pcDredge
100pcDredge's picture

I say viral.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:07 | 3345145 Jo
Jo's picture

A London cabbie in favour of immigrants???

Pull the other one.

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:08 | 3345148 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I think someone missed their flight at Heathrow, but it was worth it. Perfect.


Mon, 03/18/2013 - 20:16 | 3345177 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Check out his channel.

"Monday 18.03.13 BBC Sucks O Cocks News"


Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!