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The Annotated Schaeuble Cyprus Post-Mortem

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Confused by the litany of threats, palliatives, urgings, promises and outright lies just uttered by the German's finmin wheelchair maestro? Fear not for we are here to explain it all:

  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS IT'S A "SERIOUS SITUATION" - Which as Juncker told us, means "you have to lie."
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS GERMANY REGRETS CYPRUS DECISION - Cyprus regrets the German regret
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS WILL GET NO MONEY IF THEY DONT ACCEPT OUR OFFERS - Unless Russia and China submit their own better "offers"
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CREDITORS HAVE TO BE INVOLVED WHEN THERE IS AN INSOLVENCY - They usually are, and usually end up with nothing or just more than nothing
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS NO ONE EXCEPT CYPRUS IS TO BLAME FOR ITS CURRENT SITUATION - Likewise for its creditors
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS GOVT THINKS WITH ITS DECISION IT CAN ATTRACT LARGE INVESTORS TO CYPRUS IN FUTURE - Russia is happy that Germany thinks it is large
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS CYPRUS'S "BUSINESS MODEL" DOESN'T WORK ANY MORE, RATINGS AGENCY HAVE DOWNGRADED TO JUNK LEVEL - Italy and Spain's business models are therefore about to break next
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS 2 LARGE CYPRUS BANKS ARE ESSENTIALLY INSOLVENT WITHOUT HELP - All large banks are insolvent without help
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS HE THINKS CYPRUS MUST ACT QUICKLY, THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO WAIT UNTIL JUNE - And certainly not until September when the German elections are
  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS EURO ZONE IS MUCH MORE STABLE THAN PREVIOUSLY - sell first bullet
 

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Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:47 | 3349698 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Baghdad Bob Schaeuble. Can't decide whether to make threats or downplay the situation. These assholes are hilarious.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:48 | 3349703 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Schadenfreude (German:  a pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.)

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:48 | 3349708 Rubicon
Rubicon's picture

Cypriot based Russian naval base imminent!

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:53 | 3349749 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

For sure, British will make some space so that Russian friends can join their bases. 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:14 | 3349868 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

cyprioids arcade game (screen shot)

http://oi46.tinypic.com/2v923nk.jpg

hedgeless horseman or banzai maybe can re-post the image

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:22 | 3349916 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

He's almost as good as Obama.

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:04 | 3349807 Irelevant
Irelevant's picture

Russia cant fund such a base. Russia is in the crapper economically and politically, has anyone actually been to Russia? To see the filth and the poverty? Why do you think they ran with the mob money to Cyprus? They have trust in the Russian banking system? Lol! China will do nothing without approval from the US. The banks will not open, depositors will see nothing. The mob gets screwed, so do all thosem"smart" business men that use Cy accounts.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:24 | 3349925 Cdad
Cdad's picture

You know...and I'm just spit ballin' here from the bottom of my cosmic bunny hole [which very recently when super nova], but I really don't think the story here is what, if any, resolution is reached in Cyprus.  In fact, the story is already over.  The story is how the ECB, through its little evil doin' Troika dudes, tried to confiscate bank deposits as a way of bailing out these bad banks.  Further, the story is that, said bad banks in Cyprus tried to apologize to the people by offering them shares in insolvent banks in exchange for their cash.  And lastly, the story is that the ECB targeted Russian mafia money in this whole affair.  

Honestly, I do a little writing in my spare time, and enjoy that activity very much...and I'm put to shame by what is going on just now, as I could not have made this thing up, written it in any believable way.  Had I tried, and published it on Seeking Alpha, folks would be going nuts with the junk button [man, I miss the junk button].

Everything that comes after all of this is going to be finger pointing and hopium snorting.  The story, in terms of its essence, is already over.  My opinion, anyway.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:25 | 3349933 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

which is why it was always a non event to begin with. Another manufactured crisis.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:32 | 3349969 magpie
magpie's picture

It would have been more educational for the periphery peasants if markets had cratered for more than a day /sarc

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:38 | 3350009 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Ah...no.  You seem to have drawn an incorrect conclusion.  It is anything but a non event.  You have just seen central bank creditibility take a public hit like...like I cannot remember.  Of course, with this cosmic bunny hole spinning like it is, I can hardly remember last Friday night when this story broke, so please excuse me on that count.

No...the inference is that the damage is done, the people have now seen, and if any of them have any sense, they already know what to do.  The Troika dudes can do all that they like to walk this thing back...but it won't go back.  Ask anyone on Wall Street how the effort to get Average American Joe to go back into the US stock market is going?  The Federal Reserve Bank is $3.5 trillion into the momentum trade baby, and Ben still has the dice...but no one in this country has any faith in Wall Street...or its products.  Hell...didn't BlackRock just today announce it is cutting folks loose...with its shares at screamingly stupid levels, blowing the trumpet of "Recovery!" 

No...the story is over...but now come the effects of the story.  

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:46 | 3350049 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I'm glad someone else noticed that Black Rock incongruity.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:03 | 3350105 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/blackrock-announces-300-job-cuts-170831948...

You got to love the business double speak here. And bullshit spin it in a positive light.

"This is the first time that the company announced job cuts that would enable high performing employees enjoy greater responsibility."

Bawahahahaha, I think the employees would have just a slightly different take.

Then you get this winner

Since the financial crisis, many banks and financial firms are downsizing workforce to improve efficiency and bring down costs. Among major banks, JPMorgan Chase & Co. (JPM) recently announced overall 19,000 job cuts by the end of 2014. Similarly, Bank of America Corp. (BAC) and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (GS) announced job cuts to improve overall competence.

If it is a question of competence they might want to trim the ranks a little higher up. There is this thing called gravity and as we all know shit rolls down hill not up.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:19 | 3350161 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

It is a non market moving event. That is all I meant.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:33 | 3349978 Irelevant
Irelevant's picture

There is a vid of the speaker of Parliament in Nicosia and he actually said one thing, "send cash". Cash is not coming, these banks are dead, they will not reopen, as they would have to provide €80 billion on the first day of business to fleeing depositors.
I dont care how many down arrows I get but lets get serious, drunk Russia will not rescue the money made by raping what was left of the Soviet Empire.
I think this is done. All those deposits are gone, forever, to money heaven as someone well put it.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:49 | 3350066 Cdad
Cdad's picture

I confess that I...I am not a white collar criminal, and so it is difficult for me to weigh in on whether or not anything will come of these banks in Cyprus.  I can imagine there will be attempts, by various unknown entities, to "bail out" the situation.  And should some effort move forward to do just that, from Russia or elsewhere, you can bet the ranch that the only people who would actually see anything coming back to them will be deeply criminal, dark and seedy, and potentially murderous sorts of folks.  And to the average dude in Cyprus...probably should not begin holding your breath or anything.

Again, I don't think a bailout matters now in a global sense.  Of course, I know it matters very much within the borders of Cyprus, and I don't mean to diminish the struggle ahead for those folks, to be clear.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 04:10 | 3351264 dunce
dunce's picture

The country will still need some form of a bank though they will most likely be different legal entities, they might occupy the same buildings with new signs out front. I can not imagine a country without banks in some form.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 06:15 | 3351359 Element
Element's picture

Problem is deposits can disappear into fiat nothings (obviously they already went out through tellers and ATMs), but somehow the fiat debts hang around like shit sticking to a blanket, and are especially attracted to public balance sheets for some reason.

The Russians are going to be exceptionally pissy and dangerous for a long time.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:36 | 3349994 CuriousPasserby
CuriousPasserby's picture

The EU is no different from the US. WHen the government forces interest rayes down to zero on peoples' savings accounts, they are basically stealing from citizens bank accounts to give to the bankers. Now old people have to work as bag boys and Walmart greeters to buy their food. 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:41 | 3350026 Cdad
Cdad's picture

You will get no argument from me on your point about what the Fed is doing in the US...and that ain't even the half of it.   

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:49 | 3349720 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I told the doctor I have Schadenfreude fever; he says the only prescription is more fucking cowbell.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:50 | 3349726 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Mia just told me she agrees 100%

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:54 | 3349754 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Tell that crazy bitch to lay off the heroin.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:55 | 3349762 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

But she didn't know...

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:13 | 3349862 giggler123
giggler123's picture

Hang on you lot are ignoring all the green shoots.  That RT logo looks nice in green.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:55 | 3349764 Danks18
Danks18's picture

C'mon!  It is called Schaeublefreude obviously.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:07 | 3349826 machineh
machineh's picture

... and Archduchess Ferdimerkel is severely afflicted by it.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 20:05 | 3350347 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

SchaeubleFRAUD

Obviously

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:59 | 3349782 booboo
booboo's picture

Edelweiss (German: a native flower picked off dead german soldiers or bankers in this case)

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:50 | 3349724 Croesus
Croesus's picture

Always nice to see bankers fuck up.

Bankers take heed. The more you dumbasses box yourselves into a corner, the more people get wise to your game. Soon, you will have nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide.

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:54 | 3349758 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

You would think that with all the "dirty Russian money" that supposed flowed in and out of Cypress banks, the banks would have been more solvent just from fees.

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:26 | 3349940 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Cypriot banks held a lot of Greek bonds which devalued and on top holders of Greek bonds had to take a haircut. And oh, many Russians and Cypriot politicians took their money out of the banks last week.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:20 | 3349884 squid virtuous
squid virtuous's picture

Meanwhile Hilsen-wrath says he sees a "green flag" from the fed tomorrow, "not enough positive data" yet... but enough to send the S&P to 1560? wtf??

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:14 | 3349872 permafrost
permafrost's picture

I guess we could say Cyprus is not one of the PIIGS: http://www.stockingblue.com/3765/their-pants-are-on-fire/

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:49 | 3350067 NoClueSneaker
NoClueSneaker's picture

  Scheuble is an evil psycho . He utterly screwed Germany, and proud of it ....

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 22:29 | 3350836 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Bingo, bingo.  So confused he doesn't know if he's threatening or downplaying.  Just let the whole system go, sooner or later it will anyway just kill it now.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:47 | 3349706 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

There isn't enough time to wait till June?

June?

June!!!!!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:12 | 3349852 squid virtuous
squid virtuous's picture

Damn, I knew my May puts would expire worthless, just like March, Feb, Jan, etc.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:47 | 3349707 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

This is a game, right?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:51 | 3349728 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Yes it is a game. It is a theatre. It is whatever they want it to be. This was all pre meditated, and everyone on here fell for it all over again.

You will know when the real crisis happens when Bob Pisani gets trampled by a bunch of traders running for their rooftop helicopters right before the emergency broadcast service kicks in. Until then it's all scripted.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:10 | 3349844 machineh
machineh's picture

Somehow one imagines that even with his body trampled flat, Bob's head (tilted against the wall like an errant football) would keep on talking as if nothing happened.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:14 | 3349874 kito
kito's picture

yes, its theatre, its a bad off broadway show fonz................and they are the actors, directors, producers, choreographers, ticket producers, stage help, marketing, etc....................."the show must go on"........... 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:18 | 3349891 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

and I take it so damn personally lol

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:26 | 3349936 squid virtuous
squid virtuous's picture

I heard Bob has a wooden leg, making him eminently trample-able... hope he gets pissed on too, fuk'n whore that he is

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:17 | 3350154 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

he does. i have installed pictures of the entire cnbc staff in the urinals at my office. but i take a dump on liesman

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:01 | 3349791 blu
blu's picture

Same game for about 800 years, yes.

Not sure what the score is.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:06 | 3349822 squid virtuous
squid virtuous's picture

Guy in wheelchair making threats,we have truly entered Bizarro Euroland...when he gets hung, at least his legs wont be twitching

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:17 | 3349885 machineh
machineh's picture

It's the ghost of Frank Roosevelt, come back to torment us again.

'All zee geld ist belong to usssss.'

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:48 | 3349711 Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

I can't wait for this to happen here.

 

Americans will accept it, as they've accepted their slavery for the last 100 years. 

 

PS-Did anyone catch who the new cast is for Dancing With The Stars?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:02 | 3349793 blu
blu's picture

That I am aware, Americans don't save money. So most will shrug and say this is how you get money out of the rich.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3349806 FinalCollapse
FinalCollapse's picture

Maybe they should rename it to 'Dancing With The Drones'?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:23 | 3349917 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

I saw a headline that Andy Dick is on it. You're welcome.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:31 | 3349963 Joe A
Joe A's picture

The programme decided to become more 'equal opportunity' and invited the German wheelchair maestro Schaeuble.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:49 | 3349715 Nid
Nid's picture

Aren't we at the point where just about eveyone knows this whole stinking rats' nest is nothing but bullshit? World markets should be imploding at this point....how long can the CBs alone keep this sinking ship afloat?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:51 | 3349736 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

not even close. Now go chart facefart and look for a good entry point.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:56 | 3349765 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Until they think they have enough ammo...

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:07 | 3350128 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

The believers believe in how things were or want to percieve them to be, right up to the point that the ATM doesn't work and there is no bread on the shelves.

Then they will exclaim "How did this happen?".

A good portion of my otherwise intelligent relatives and friends have Chase and Wells Fargo bank accounts.  They do not want to believe that these institutions are criminal.  They do not want to believe that the FED and the U.S. Government is corrupt.  They bury their head in the sand and believe because for the moment it is easier.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:52 | 3349744 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

EU bullshit and lies must work.

NO BANK RUNS across Europe.

That says a lot.

Anyone who has any money in a EU bank after this crap deserves the loss.

Promises, guarantees, and insurance don't mean dick.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:00 | 3349785 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

what happens if there is a bank run and nobody shows up? as several continentals often repeated, we have a different approach to financial panic, here

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:08 | 3349831 Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

That's what the ATM and Internet banking is for, so you don't make a big noisy queue outside the actual bank building.

After all there is very little actual cash kept there anyhow...

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:32 | 3349971 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Yes, two world wars.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3349804 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

And where pray tell are you going to store a large sum of cash securely outside the bank on a moments notice?

I know the old gold and guns routine but keep in mind this is not that audience we are talking about here. Different laws and countries.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:08 | 3349834 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I would take possession first.

After that, whatever it takes to keep it.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:15 | 3349857 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Fair enough in Cyprus it is an immediate concern, you react first and deal with it as you move. The rest of the EU not so much. A panic run screws the majority of depositors while a slow controlled withdrawal is a better strategy for all involved. The ECB, IMF, Merkel et al are going to need to do some serious damage control to restore trust back into the banking system now, they won't be pulling this gambit again in the immediate future unless the whole shithouse is ready to collapse outright.

 

Give it time, the die has been cast. Beppe in Italy I think just got the boost he needs for his M5S party to grab a majority of the parliment seats without needing a coalition with this stunt the ECB pulled. You can guarantee that is going to be one shit kicking fight to keep them in the Euro once that happens.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:34 | 3349986 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Beppe would have been big time winner of the Italian elections if the Cyprus bailout fiasco would have happened before the Italian elections.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:20 | 3350163 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

There could be a bank run going on as we speak, a slow one.

If the Spanish and Italians are smart they will go into the local branch - not the ATM - and withraw some each day for the next several weeks.  They won't be Twittering about it because you want to be the one that gets the cash, not the one that comes late after withdrawal limits are imposed or the doors closed.

The bank run could be as simple as buying Gold and Silver online; or making transfers to overseas accounts.

The banks won't tell us if a run is on, and their usually complicit media won't either.

I'd bet 99% of Spaniards who were given worthless bank stock in exchange for their deposits are getting everything they can out of Spanish banks.

Anyone in the periphery or Southern Europe who is not taking out cash to have in hand is not thinking nor paying attention.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 20:24 | 3350424 TheProphet
TheProphet's picture

Short of riots at the doors--which we might well see in Cyprus-- bank runs are only seen in hindsight.

In a month or so, the Tylers will no doubt publish information that demonstrates that the bank runs began (again) in earnest in Italy, Portugal, Greece, and Spain on Monday.

There will be no warning the next time.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:53 | 3349750 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

Classic ... Tyler

absolutely a Classical[l]!!!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:54 | 3349755 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Calmly reach between your legs and pull sharply upwards on the red lever marked "danger" while simultaneously depressing the "eject" button overhead.  Whatever you do, do NOT vomit at this point....

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:54 | 3349756 Sequitur
Sequitur's picture

Hark! Do you not hear the "woosh woosh woosh" of helicopter blades? Rejoice, repressed taxpayers. We are saved! We are saved!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3349805 blu
blu's picture

Only if that is the helicopter delivering the pizza.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:56 | 3349767 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

How come nobody is talking about the Hillary emails?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:29 | 3349957 squid virtuous
squid virtuous's picture

someone hacked Hillary Swank's gmail? I can't wait for TMZ tonight!!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:56 | 3349772 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

EU couldn't do it better, it will be the perfect avalanche, starting with the smallest (Cyprus) trigger possible.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:57 | 3349776 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Ahh yes, I am very impressed with ze taxi drivers in cyprus, they are very vell informed of die situation with zee Troika, just like my friend zee taximan in dublin who took me from zee airport. What, zee taximan in London? No, he is eine swinehunt troublemaker. I regret taking this cabbie.

(Troika Spokesman, who always rolls out the taxi man routine, one too many times now methinks)

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 17:58 | 3349778 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

IS IT SCHAEUBLE?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 21:39 | 3350689 nicxios
nicxios's picture

ROFL! genius!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 21:48 | 3350714 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Very nice William.

BTW, is that Farage in the chair?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:00 | 3349787 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Okay I will admit it I clicked on the Ukrane dating ad. Those chicks were finally hot enough to make me have to take a look. Now I will never see the end of it.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:07 | 3349823 ekm
ekm's picture

LOL. Bellorussian girls are equally hot

But hey, what do I know about it.

 

Do you?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:11 | 3349841 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

My wife is from Misnk :)

edit - I took a wise ass friend of mine to a business meeting once. Someone struck up a conversation and in the process asked me where my wife was from. My friend answered before me and said "she is from Minsk, which is great because if things don't work out he can just mail her back". The guy walked away and was really put off by it. It was fantastic.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:17 | 3349883 ekm
ekm's picture

Russian humor, hard humor :)

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:28 | 3349901 ekm
Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:33 | 3349967 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I knew a young girl who embarked on a strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. Her name was Rochelle.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 22:39 | 3350859 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Sounds like seed material for the Limerick King.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:46 | 3350052 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

My trangression was the Bitcoin miner. Shit, now that I've typed it, I probably get the ads chasing me everywhere.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:02 | 3349794 Silberadler
Silberadler's picture

Cyprus Bank Tax Lit 'Two Sticks of Dynamite:' El-Erian

http://www.cnbc.com/id/100563044

Classic also how the host cuts off Mohammed at the end of the chat.

 

Gartman:

"I think the decision here was egregiously bad. I think this was lunacy on the part of the European monetary authorities, the banking regulators, or whoever it was responsible for making this decision in Cyprus. They have stepped on Russian toes, and the Russians are not going to be happy about this. Somebody will have to pay for it. I think this is very stupid."

Russians certainly are not amused.

FIY

FinMin Schaeuble lies when he opens his mouth, even if it is only to breathe...

for as long as he breathes...

 

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:02 | 3349799 nameless narrator
nameless narrator's picture

annotated Putin:

 

I know it was you, Fredo

I know it was you, Frau Merkel

The Godfather, part2.

 

who in the EU is worried about waking up with a severed horse head in their bed?  :0)

 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:11 | 3349850 optionsman
optionsman's picture

true that! when the rule of law is exposed for what it is- a scam, then the unwritten rules come into play. +1

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:41 | 3350029 Joe A
Joe A's picture

They should also be worried about Polonium spiked tea and finding one's hair on one's pillow case in the morning. Apparently the stuff is so dangerous that 1 gram can potentially kill 10-20 million people. Less than 1 microgram killed this Russian guy in London a couple of years ago.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3349800 slyhill
slyhill's picture

OPEN THE BANK!

 

sorry for all caps

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:04 | 3349811 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

What about you commit harakiri you stinking fuck?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:10 | 3349816 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Stabileetee all the way to 1.22-26, but that's what you want, isn't it, Schwab?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:07 | 3349828 kito
kito's picture

hey tyler, what is the effect of cyprus cds exposure in the entire web of derivatives?????

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:13 | 3349865 ekm
ekm's picture

That is exactly the point.

Since cyprus might have not much exposure to them, they could have thought to test stealing money from the depositors to pay for derivative losses in a place that has no exposure to derivatives.

So far, if that was the plan, it's not working.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:20 | 3349903 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Great call Kito/ekm

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:27 | 3349934 ekm
ekm's picture

I'm thinking after Obama's visit to Israel, we'll have a resolution.

Either attack Iran or release the crude oil and stop QE temporarily. Either way, it should trigger a shitload of derivatives and margin calls.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:36 | 3349996 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Think it'll interfere with this year's Final Four?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:37 | 3350005 ekm
ekm's picture

I am more concerned about Champions League final.

I'd rather have Obama avoid that.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:20 | 3349904 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:15 | 3349879 falak pema
falak pema's picture

EU has been given a clean bill by Dr Fitch / Tripla A....lol, when A and Z mean the same thing. Circular alphabet.

Fitch confirme le "AAA" de l'Union européenne, maintient sa perspective stable

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:19 | 3349893 falak pema
falak pema's picture

So now Cyprus is a sovereign state and she has honourably shown it; like all its sisters they are all all honorable ladies...

I come here not to praise Cyprus...but to bury her.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:21 | 3349910 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Tyler,

this article needs a soundtrack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:23 | 3349923 magpie
magpie's picture

Where in the world is Draghi

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:26 | 3349938 ekm
ekm's picture

Begging Benny for dollars

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:36 | 3350000 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

It is a pitifully small amount for the EU to come in and bail out Cyprus. But before they release any aid, they need Cyprus to drop to its knees and beg for it and to accept austerity and crushing rules. The no win scenario for the EU is to either grant the aid without conditions (and have the PIIGS) come back for renegotiation, or to let Cyprus fail and be better off for it (and have the PIIGS) decide that debt failure is better than austerity. The whole house of cards is built on the Troika controlling the money and the conditions.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:40 | 3350020 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

 


  • SCHAEUBLE SAYS NO ONE EXCEPT CYPRUS, GREECE, SPAIN, PORTUGAL, IRELAND, FRANCE, SLOVENIA IS TO BLAME FOR ITS CURRENT SITUATION

 

Because observable patterns are for pussies.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:51 | 3350073 Debugas
Debugas's picture

what would happen if Cyprus simply declares banks bankruptcy and proceeds with ordinary procedure ? shareholders and bondholders would get wiped out, some depositors too... Property of the banks ( some real estate i guess)  would get sold out over time to repay the insured deposits. No big deal...

 

The real problem is can Cyprus balance its budget and what would it mean for the population there

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 22:56 | 3350906 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Depositers that held more than 100,000E will probably by wiped out on the amount over 100,000E. But my understanding is the ECB by law has to fund the INSURED depositers. This isn't just a Cyprus problem, this is an ECB problem once an EU bank default on INSURED accounts. That's why the ECB came out with their statement saying liquidity would be sent as required to Cyprus immediately after the theft plan was voted down. If the ECB doesn't follow their own law on protecting INSURED accounts, than it is really game over for the EU and the Euro. NO ONE will put or keep ANY money in ANY EU bank if the insured accounts are not backstopped. It's game over then, and the EU, ECB, IMF all know it. The bluff was called.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 18:55 | 3350090 kito
kito's picture

when will the spaniards, italians and greeks man up and stick it to the eu like the cypriots???????????? 

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:15 | 3350150 machineh
machineh's picture

If Cypriots did, the Greeks would follow.

Domino theory, bItCHeZ!

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:06 | 3350123 frenchie
frenchie's picture

iLove ZH !

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:07 | 3350127 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

schaubby baby, have you ever heard anyone say if I owe you 1,000 euros that is my problem but if you are owed 100 billion euros thaat is your problem?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:10 | 3350139 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

I really love this bullet

SCHAEUBLE SAYS 2 LARGE CYPRUS BANKS ARE ESSENTIALLY INSOLVENT WITHOUT HELP

The msm in the US keeps telling me how great the US economy is but when anyone suggests that Benky start unwinding or even just stop dumping money in, they all start saying how that would be disastrous.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 19:29 | 3350201 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I know, right?

The banks are strong, the recovery is here, the markets are up on strong fundamentals - but it will all crash if the FED stops propping things.  Huh?

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 20:23 | 3350409 GCT
GCT's picture

Ok all you commenters does this not bother you?  I look at this and think well this was an experiment in outright confiscation on a small country that did not matter.  I hope I am not looking at this wrong and if I am please help me out here. 

This scheme was something new and the Euro elite thought they could pull this off because Cyprus did not really matter and the larger countries could do as they please.  Hell a minister in Spain stated last night this may be a good thing to do in Spain.  The system is based on faith and the Euro elite just shattered it!  I would be getting any cash I had out and stash it in a mattress right now or buy all the gold and silver I could actually get my hands on.

Cyprus banks were fucked up a long time ago and this looks like EU elites needed some money for another scheme.  I just totally lost all my faith in any system.  Hell it actually scares me to know I could have nothing tomorrow if the government so chose to confiscate my savings account.  Whats bothers me is all the money was already taxed someplace unless it is drug and illegal money.  This scheme the EU just tried to pull really bothers me even though the markets seem to not care.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 21:13 | 3350594 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Personally, I don't believe they can think that far ahead.

I believe this is all they really know, that is, it was convenient just to say...we are government...we have a need...we can confiscate whatever we want to fill that need...we know best.

For me to think otherwise would mean the EU leadership is in secret alliance with Russia (Putin) to hand over part of the EU domain and I tend think of them in adversarial terms in that regard, as far as empire building goes.

Its not to say they don't have elements in them that think alike, just that both want to control it all.

I'm taking it at face value...they got over extended...looked around and saw a pot-o-money sitting there and said hey! lets try this!

Typical.

Back on the empire stage, the clever empire builder waits seeking his opportunity...this is what Putin is involved in now. Come in as the White Knight, so to speak. But the true White Knight never asks for compensation does he?...lol.

I've already announced before what I've done (personally). I took the hit on the IRA. I rigorously withdraw everything every pay period leaving only enough to maintain an account in a bank. I closed the money market account...every penny.

Its very "liberating" ;-)

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 20:46 | 3354894 GCT
GCT's picture

Nmewn  Thank you for the logical reply.  I have done the same thing and do invest in physical PM's.  I do have a savings account as I do need cash.  This really bothers me as I see it as outright confiscation of savers to save the equity and bond holders.  Really strange to me honestly.

Again thanks very much for your prespective.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 20:33 | 3350422 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Schaeuble: Things are a bit sticky - Welcome BACK to Passchendaele and THE essential break out to total victory

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 20:45 | 3350501 nmewn
nmewn's picture

And the punchline Miles...

SCHAEUBLE SAYS NO ONE EXCEPT CYPRUS IS TO BLAME FOR ITS CURRENT SITUATION - Likewise for its creditors

Its absolutely true, at some point you have to cut off the infected part (no matter how it got infected) or it spreads throughout. There is no difference in what is happening there than what is happening here.

In an effort for stabiiiiilllliteeee...to keep the game going a little longer...keep the masses satiated and in their hovels...keep the flow of digitized pretention of nothingness rolling in...the creditor doubles down on the bad investement and the borrower happily accepts another round, to postpone his inevitable present default & ruin...never thinking of the future.

The Debt Trap, for both parties.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 03:21 | 3351172 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Yes indeed, creditors in credibility traps and debtors in debtability traps is the systematically approved way of doing business to sustain the systematically important.  This rolling shit storm is unquestionably arriving at a moment when anything short of a hot iron to staunch the bleeding is a perpetuation of the wasted efforts to date and doomed to failure. 

This epic global economic war and the unprecedented destruction it has wrought has remained largely hidden to date. That's changing as one cannot hide the vastness of such destruction as being currently inflicted in this eras Passchendaele, Verdun, Somme and Gallipoli forever.  

There were a couple of moments back in the spring of '08-'09 when other options were still available and this course was adopted.  One day the monster that is this senseless war with its never ending slaughter will end.  Until then the world will continue to bleed out like those other poor bastards who have gone over the top before, but are being endlessly held in the limitless hell of the trenches .. er .. tranches of this centuries version of decerebrated economic voodoo medicine ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM8bTdBs-cw

... with the added effect that many have been zombiefied due to this ongoing effort at issuing artificial pardons of death's recognition.  So, as you note, they wander the tranches and leak out into the surrounding environs causing vastly greater harm until properly identified and healed or dispatched as the case may be.

Tue, 03/19/2013 - 21:31 | 3350661 Paracelsus
Paracelsus's picture

I dunno.Yes,premeditated,and not completely thought thru.

Still,I remember when the Austrians made stiff demands of the Serbs after the Archduke and his wife were killed in Sarajevo.There is an age-old negotiating tactic where you set the bar real high because you know (want) your opponent will reject your terms.This is the actual objective,that you "appeared reasonable,willing to cooperate,extending the olive branch,etc,etc.".

Perhaps it was the plan all along to push the Cypriots (Russians?) into the corner,and then toss them under the bus. God knows what this will do to the price of Au and Ag,not to mention firearms and homesafes.

 I feel there is a huge smokescreen going on here,but I don't feel this is the best time to go tap-dancing in a minefield. Those Assholes in Brussels better have lots of bodyguards for their families or this could get messy quick.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 04:56 | 3351310 melanie
melanie's picture

Eurogroup Chairman Jeroen Dijsselbloem Should Resign For Trying To Confiscate Bank Savings. Long Live the Individual Financial Liberty And Freedom of all Cypriotic and European citizens and foreigners no matter the size of the savings! 
 
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http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dijsselbloem-should-resign/410669842362350

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