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German Bankers Generously Offer Cypriots Helping Hand If They Transfer Deposits
For a mere 0.95% handling fee, the friendly German bankers are offering Cypriot depositors the opportunity to "take fast action and secure their deposits" with a rate between 3.0 and 4.5%. As Sigma Live reports, the German Advisory Bureau is approaching Cypriot firms, denouncing the incident and asking them to take responsible actions. While it would be a stretch perhaps to wonder if the plan all along was to strengthen German banks, it is of little doubt that depositors will be quick to move any and every bill of Euros in their bank accounts as soon as their government allows.
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I knew a girl who would always lend a helping hand with my deposits.
The sheep will go for it, you watch.
Did the German bankers already spend all of their Nazi money?
They should just send it to me...
~~~
I'll buy gold with it, patch the leaks in my boat, & take a safe boating seminar...
I'll forego the Ukranian hookers [for a trial period], & use only FREE internet porn services in the interim...
Geman Banks to Cypriot customers: Thank you for incorrectly trusting us. Due to circumstances beyond our control the decimal point in our transaction fee was incorrectly placed. Correction 95% not 0.95%!
The Russians aint that forgetful about what happened in WWII. I am sure they will gladly say FUCK OFF (in Russian) to the German Banks.
Maybe I'm high off my gold dust but isn't it the German bankers that got the Cyp's in this mess to begin with? hahahhah ooooohhh you German bankers, you!
Yeah, screw the Kraut banks. Let me forward them the fax I got from this fine sounding banker from Nigeria who needed my help - his terms were mighty generous.
The bank deposit levy should be global. It is criminal that while Cyprions are likely to be liable, other countries are enjoying 0% levies on their deposits. We also need to levy secret offshore accounts. Nobody is above the social contract. Everyone needs to pay their fair share.
@MillionDollarBonus_: lol you have GOT to be comic relief. You can't be fucking serious. lol
Yes he is, and no he isn't. MDB is a great way to get the morons in the crowd to stand up and self identify.
There is a long history of a character like this running around here, the name has changed over the years but the deadpan statism has not.
MDB's tongue-in-cheek posts are anticipatory. Apparatchiks who want to take advantage of others make soothing sounds like "SUSTAINABLE" and "FAIR SHARE."
Thats good, coz I dont have too much of my money left in banks...so I could give a fuck if that happens....anyways the more ppl who takes their money out, the faster this house of cards collapse.
lol u shud change ur name MDB, most of us know u now
More like Million Dollar Bankruptcy as anyone who puts such confidence in such a theiving system will ultimately be forced to file.
A deposit levy is stealing, so that makes the central banks and anyone advocating such no better than the criminals.
I think a better idea is to make offshore holders prove the legitimacy of their money or have it taken.
Innocent until proven guilty is all anyone should want.
@ MDB sez:
Then it wouldn't work. It would only be effective if for some, not for others.
Paradox of thrift, basically ...
The phrase pronounced "yob tvoyu mat" translates into "Go F*** your mother."
When I was 19 years old, I studied Russian in Minsk for a summer. At a birthday party, I was approached by my host mom's approx 80-year old grandfather. He was a partizan (guerilla) fighter in the war against the "fashisti"/Nazis. He obviously didn't run into too many 19-year old snot-nosed punk Americans (like me) because he had absolutely nothing good to say about how long it took our country to open a western front in the war. I was reminded that America was just as responsible for the 40 million dead Soviets (clearly no blood on Stalin's hands) as Hitler.
When I protested that both of my grandfathers faught in the war (in the Pacific, a detail that I selectively failed to mention), that did little to assuage his concerns. I was promptly reminded that it was those same grandfathers that empowered the US government to collapse the Soviet economy and exact a toll on the average Russian (or Belarussian) from two decades of economic collapse and depression.
The lesson is quite simple: The phrase "Forgive and forget" translates into approximately the same as "Go f*** your mother."
And then, WE are the crazy ones for purchasing the physical and storing it outside the system!!! Go figure.
I thought it was 0.95% retained.
This is beaucoup helpful, and mighty white of them;)
No, its still in NY.
I am sure when the Cypriots try to get their "money" back the Germans will tell them it will take 7 years too.
Apparently a lot of JPMorgan "depositors" had their cash electronically disappear this morning. Transitory, of course, but digital is as digital does.
Ah so that was the cunning plan behind this farce
Also the cumming on the face of the Cypriots
I sent emails to them all saying if they mail me their money I will deposit it into an amerikan account...mine
bbbbboooooooooooooooooooaaaahhhhaaaahhhhaaaaaa
Starting to look like it. The currency war just wasn't gettin' it done for them...so they now initiate a corporate banking war, with the first shot being the confiscation of depositor cash from a competing nation. Toss in a hundred billion euro dollars worth of Russian mafia money and presto.....brilliant!
My cosmic bunny hole has gone super nova. Anyone else experiencing this?
In fact, each new step is worse than the previous one just revealing the rottenness of the system as a whole.
Hope many are watching and listening carefully here in Europe.
Will they take US deposits too?
FDIC has your back. PROMISE!
Of yourse they will. You might want to find out how to get your money back first.
noses.
Germany is now Nigeria?
That's the equivalent of a Nigerian email scam!
it makes good humour of the "Galgenhumor" kind, though
Yea - One more pull and it is downright morbid. Oh - and that fax is utterly disgusting! I sure hope it is fake.
Back door bailout through the Cypriot front door.
Genius! Bernanke and Co. would be proud. I suspect Satan is smiling right now as well. Well done banksters, well done.
Could that helping hand be a stealth version of the German Knuckle Cake?
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=German+Knuckle+Cake
This is assuming the banks ever open back up...
but but ze stabilitee
Why is everyone blaming Germany for the mess transpiring in Cyprus?
If anything, Germany's current insistence that the "free buffet" announced by the EU is essentially over, and that's a genuine public service to the degree it calls out what a Ponzi the current EU monetary union is.
If not now, they, along with the PIIGS, would be at this point in the near future, and the PIIGS will inevitably arrive at this same place, even if by some variation, inevitably anyways.
+1 because blaming Germany is FUN. and of course I have to point out that there is no such thing as a "current EU monetary union" ;-)
Because its easy to blame the Germans. Right? Everyone has been conditioned to blame them, as Germans have been conditioned for guilt.
It will be interesting to see what happens when the youth stop feeling guilty for the sins of others.
And people need to be reminded. The people are NOT the same as the Government/Bankers. Unless you want to lump all Americans in with the countries imperialistic tendencies.
The EU has terminal, aggressively metastasizing, end stage cancer. There is no cure, and the least merciful thing to do is take inteventionist measures to extend the patient's suffering.
Blame Germany for stating that 2+2=4.
I can't wait to see what the result is going to be when a similar set of conditions are inevitably imposed on the cascading chain of debtor EU nations (i.e. 90% of them).
Don't be so sensitive, calling Americans fat and stupid is a favorite pastime. I agree about not feeling guilty about the sins of others. It's time people prove themselves again.
Hey, TIS, f**k you, buddy! I suppose we 'merikans should just forgive the Germans for Peal Harbor, too, right?
Asshole.
You really are on a roll, TIS.
um..Yeah! what He said!
I'll even forgive them for nuking the japs when they start shipping Kloster Kreuzberg bier to the US.
ooops...forgot obligatory Animal House clip.
From 3/14:
http://money.msn.com/investing/has-germany-killed-the-eurozone
A. I don't think the invective is directed at the average man on the German Street. In fact I hear from many Germans who are similarly outraged.
B. However, you ought to take a serious look at the schlemiels in charge and ask precisely what their agenda is.
C. Just like in the US, there are prominent people in the German financial establishment who bear a great deal of responsibility for the entire Euro fiasco and they have not been called to the carpet. They are being coddled and protected.
D. It is obvious that the grand guignol EURO show, such as it is, is now run from Berlin and Frankfurt.
Agreed, I've never seen why the Germans are to blame for this, but humans are like that. The Germans just do what they have to do, what the hell else are they supposed to do here?
Take it or leave it.
Preferably leave it.
But there is the little fact that Schauble asked for a 40% hit on depositors ... what's that all about?
This event in Cyprus was an experiment to shift the insolvency on depositors rather than on quantitative easing. It's failing, it looks like it's going to be QE 4 ever. It's back to Gold BicheZ!! Gold will easily double in price by the end of the year.
The Target2 chart a month from now will by lulzy.
That information should be classified immediately.
No need to upset people.
I would trust Guido (the local street 'banker') before I'd trust any 'reputable' banker scum of any nationality.
someone told me they are doing all of this just to scare the russians away from cyprus.
The Russians are not happy, the KGB had a lot of money in Cyprus.
Dear Sir:
I am the Bank President of one First National Banque of Nigeria and......................
Sure does...
As your name was brought to my attention by a very trusted contact in Nigeria's Foreign Office, I have been authorized by my partners to contact you with this Proposal. All that would be required of you is the use of your bank account to perform a transfer of TEN MILLION ($10000000) U.S. Dollars. Once the money has been deposited, one of Reverend Chow's other Nephews will contact you, at which point you will release NINE MILLION DOLLARS ($9000000) of the amount into his custody.
I am authorized by my Uncle's estate in Nigeria to offer you the remaining ONE MILLION DOLLARS ($1000000) as a compensation for your services. Because the money would only need to be in your bank account for a few days, and your danger of being discovered by The Nigerian Secret Police is minimal, we believe the commission of TEN PERCENT (10 %) to be more than generous.
Once I have received Your consent and Bank Account number, I will be able to make a claim under Your name with The Pan-African Insurance Company for the above sum. We have a friend on the Board Of Oversight in that organization who has assured me that the claim will be processed without raising any red flags, and the money will be released into Your Bank Account no later than within SEVEN (7) days from the time I receive your response.
I am at your disposal to answer any questions you may have about this Transaction, so don't hesitate to contact me via telephone, at +1-555-555-6366 (Just ask for Alfonzo). I eagerly await your reply, though I must ask you to treat this matter with great secrecy, lest you betray me and my partners to the agents of Nigerian Secret Police.
Respectfully Yours,
Alfonzo Boondwaka Jr.
Hey Al; It is good to see you are back on your feet after the tragic accidents you had. I would like to inquire about my investments in your diamond, gold, yellowcake, platinum, oil, and palladium that I paid for via your fantastic offers. I did like the naked girl you sent though. The Russian and Ukranian girls are still happy about living with me, as I show them Borat from time to time to remind them about home, but the ones from Thailand, China, Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos have all gone looking for street jobs and the local pimp has them locked into a contract they say they can't break.
Would you fill me in on the everlasting garden hose offer and how it will fix my gonnorheal embarrassments?
Don't forget the "RESERVE BANK OF INDIA"...
You can't make this shit up!
@sharky2003
It's like the Cypriot people are getting it just for the lulz. Oh well, just the canary in the coal mine that awaits all of us.
If you pick up the country of Germany and look under, you'll see a tag
"Made in Hell"
You thought that up all by yourself?
I helped a little, but I originally wanted "Hecho in Germany"...he thought that was too ethnic.
Absolutely not.
Probably not. You need at last as many brain cells a slug has for something as clever as that.
noses.
Aren't they sweet?
German banker explains bailout to Cypriot depositer...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKhUZ5kOagk
(repost, just fits too well!)
From the periphery to the hardcore, the mothership is claiming all the money...
They are killing Europe to save €
How does one kill a dead horse?
Or for that matter: How does one kill a Zombie?
These idiots wanted to create an European Union but forgot that the first thing would have been to unite the people instead of forcing a common market on them without having the same social and economic standards all over the area. Instead they created an even fiercer competition among the regions. Now the competition is blowing up in their faces and all they can do is enjoying the heat from the fires they started. Today I was watching some report showing the European parliament and started believing I was a psychic like in "I can see… DUMB peole!"
noses.
At this point, Vinny Knees may be a better "deposit" option. At least with him you get "killer" protection and security.
look at kevin steer that ship. metals slipping back while the market comes back.
another day in the rigged casino
Nervous laughter...hehehe....
LOL... Sounds like a Nigerian loan scam
Actually it's British.
noses.
History doesn't repeat itself but, it often rhymes...
There once was a Right Honorable man named Neville Chamberlain
Who thought it was ok to give away Sudetenland
Along comes Chancellor Merkel
Who with the help of the IMF fraternal
Conspire to rob Cyprus for der Deutschen Land
Let's take a moment to look at the bright side of things...
http://mtanga.com/Shareholder2.png
So, is any business being transacted through the Cypress financial institutions today?
I mean, no one going to Starbucks there this morning, etc etc. ?
<sarc>
Can you imagine if this happened stateside? 60 million non functioning SNAP cards? Wow! Maybe the government should consider doing something to prepare for a situation like this.
</sarc>
There are 74 million SNAP cards. Yes?
Zing!!!
Greetings estimable Sir:
As the former Finance Minister of Cyprus, I was given your good name as an honourable person who could help us to move 19 million euros from a blocked account to safety in your country ...
Rearrange the deck furniture on the Titanic please. (still heading for the iceberg though)
This is equal to Germany starting WWII, this IS the first shot. They know they're starting panic and a bank run by doing this, the question is how far the contagion will spread and will Russian oligarchs ACTUALLY keep THEIR money in German banks.
I think this will be remembered as the domino that started the collapse of civil society as we know it today.
Actually, you're an idiot. This is a mailbox of the same (Britisch Channel Islands) company that is sending out faxes to German businesses with the question "Are you bankrupt? Solvent European companies want to buy you at a good price…". Maybe someone shuld check some facts before declaring war.
noses.
Could be both...
The only good war is one you don't participate in and can sell weapons and ammunition to all involved parties.
That's why nobody really wants to do anything against the USA starting wars all over the planet – in the end it will pay for everybody (except the USA which is getting economically anemic lately) and who cares about a few dead Arabs anyway.
noses.
Yeah .95% fee plus the Germans get to hold the money for another 2-5 years. What a great deal.
We need to print the fiat and shred the system of all inter-govermental and public debt. Then print more to take over all consumer debts, slash and reduce that to break even point. Then strip the deposits out of the banks and park them in new old fashioned banking entities.
This would leave the investors to thrive or fail on their own merits.
The Martin Bormann Fund?
His clone perhaps?
So German DOUCHEBank is about to blow up, unless there's a sudden inflow before April 30th this year?
Got it!
Why aren't the Krauts offering me this deal? 4.5%? I'll take it!
They'll also take shoes and gold fillings in lieu of the 0.95% handling fee...
How DARE you crooked Ruskies put your money in Cyprus! Here, come move it to Germany, we need it to fill the enormous fucking hole we have in our banking system.
I did actually consider this as an explanation, a hostile bank raid to steal depositors (used to happen all the time in the old days, pre central banks). But it makes no sense at all given TARGET2 so it's not the case.
does it mean DE banks have more than serious problems eventually ?
Merkel: "If vee lose zee entire souzern flank, vee vill blame it on Fieldmarschall Schaeuble. Schweinhund! Vell, I'm off now."
Adjutant: "Frau Fuehrerin, are you now off to meet with Vlad... to discuss an Entrance or Exit stategy?"
Merkel: "Ja, both. And I am not to be disturbed."
Dang those are good rates.
Until they freeze your account and refuse to return your principle, right?
Just saw the snorg tees girl.
More snorg tees I say!!