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Bernanke Press Conference - Live Webcast

Tyler Durden's picture


Will the Chairman mention the tools the Fed has to unwind its $3.1 trillion balance sheet, as he did during his Humphrey Hawkins testimony, which included "belts, suspenders -- two pairs of suspenders", will he discuss the many hats broke savers have, will he repeat that he does not provide financial advise, will he praise his tremendous "inflation record" once more, will he discuss the complete lack of the currency war the entire world is engaged in, or will he simply focus on what Corker called the "faux wealth effect"? Found out in moments as Bernanke hand-picked journalists toss him a veritable cornucopia of softball questions.

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Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:31 | 3353237 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

Fuck you Bernanke!

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:33 | 3353243 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Jittery and heavily medicated - AGAIN!  How's that confidence coming along?


Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:34 | 3353256 redpill
redpill's picture

Little did people know but when Bernanke says inflation is "well controlled" he really means "confined to financial instruments surging to record-highs such that only my Wall Street buddies see any real benefit from the inconceivably large amounts of money creation that has taken place."

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:47 | 3353338 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Ben fuckin Bernanke has no clue. I am sure he didnt put the factor of the confidence of the people in the financial system into his Princton approved model of economic growth. Wait till Cyprus opens its bank next week or whenever, I am sure we will feel the wraith that most PhD economists are not expecting because they dont factor in social consequences of their fuckin money printing policies...... but for now, please keep ramping the S&P to new highs. Lets get this over with so we can finally start the fall of epic proportions.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:51 | 3353372 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

he may be clueless but he just made it clear to me he will be back for a 3rd term.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:52 | 3353380 fourchan
fourchan's picture

i keep waiting for someone at these circle jerks to jump up and say"its not working you jackass!"

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:57 | 3353381 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

No, you would expect someone from the circle jerk to jump up and shout, "We're out of lube, but KEEP PRINTING".

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:00 | 3353414 Pegasus Muse
Pegasus Muse's picture

He seems to have ready answers to most questions.   

Makes me wonder if the Q&A Session is just a scripted show? 

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:01 | 3353427 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

The suspense is killing me.

Are we there yet?

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:24 | 3353559 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

They'll soon jump up and shout "we're out of paper"


Wed, 03/20/2013 - 18:55 | 3354540 Heavy
Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:01 | 3353432 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

"do I still have time to get in"?  why doesnt this guy just go up to the stage and blow the Bernank right now.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:03 | 3353434 redpill
redpill's picture

I'm not a violent person but I had a strong urge to punch that guy in the face when he said that.


And who is the witch from AP?  Couldn't she at least comb her fuckin hair this morning instead of looking like a hippy that just walked out of the woods?

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:09 | 3353477 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Well why pay 100 bucks an hour for a paid actress to come on when you can get a bum off the street for the price of a hot dog....now we wouldnt want to waste money and boost the deficit even more now, would we?

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:13 | 3353496 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Someone said that on CNBS this morning and they were hammered.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:58 | 3353378 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture


Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:55 | 3353392 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

what was that running down liesman chin....

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:58 | 3353402 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Printing ink!

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:07 | 3353463 akak
akak's picture

At least Steve washed off his Dirty Sanchez before going on air.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:34 | 3353257 machineh
machineh's picture

Beta blockers, bitchez!

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:36 | 3353266 AllThatGlitters
AllThatGlitters's picture

Watch a live spot gold minute chart as he speaks:


More fun with testimony, because it often reacts more to the questions and the questioner, than the questionee.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:41 | 3353295 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

There is a real warble in his voice, must be that dildo he is sitting on.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:45 | 3353327 Cdad
Cdad's picture

He gets a meatball pitch over the center of the plate, and Dr. Shakey McShakes still shows up.  Yeah, he is confident....oh so confident.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:48 | 3353354 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Hilsenrath and LIESman sitting together exchanging handjobs under the table.........this whole sham makes me barf

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:16 | 3353513 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

There are 2 kind of people in power in US today: The Morons and The Crooks.

This poor sod (and his buddy O) are from the first category.

The rest of the lot are from the second.

P.S. How stupid has one to be in order to fill the tank of a Gas running presidential limo with Diesel ?

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:26 | 3353574 SILVERGEDDON

All the world's a stooge. And the players, mere pawns. Part the curtain, and reveal the Wizard pulling Bennie's levers, and pushing his buttons.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:33 | 3353241 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Ben is looking extra healthy today, and I haven't heard him stutter yet.

Must be MAJIC.

I'm happy for him.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:34 | 3353250 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture

Prozac is the only explanation for his behavior

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:35 | 3353261 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

I think they use some alien-tech meds, synthesised from Area 51 Research Labs.

Take your pills

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:21 | 3353450 DblAjent
DblAjent's picture

Don't be rediculous. It's MK Ultra...


Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:11 | 3353484 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

"I think they use some alien-tech meds, synthesised from Area 51 Research Labs."


Don't worry MKUltra's got this one. I can see the scalar energy beam lighting up his dome as he speaks.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:20 | 3353542 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

It's MAJIC either way. :)

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:35 | 3353258 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

They brought in a new clone, the last one kept dividing by 0

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:47 | 3353344 max2205
max2205's picture

FLASH: Ben looks Gay 'er today

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:36 | 3353268 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I hear he achieves the spectacular shine on that bald noggin of his with the fat of puppies and infants. His beard is composed almost entirely from the fur of baby seals.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:40 | 3353292 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Could be worse, taxpayers could be footing the bill for a barber shop in the capitol, probly loaded to the gills with debt, LOL!!!





Aw shit...

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:44 | 3353323 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Almost forgot.  I would like to apply for the 2M dollar grant job to investigate if lesbians are prone to heavier drinking than non-lesbian women.


I, more than anyone else should know, as i am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:54 | 3353386 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

My husband is too. Does that make me a lesbian?

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:58 | 3353406 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture


Like my wife, you would be considered bi.  :)

Have to keep up with the times an all.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:01 | 3353426 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Not until after he gets a sex change.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:20 | 3353539 pomlad5
pomlad5's picture

it is those last healthy days before death. Cancer patient relatives can recognize it.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:32 | 3353242 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

there you go ekm. he just said gas/energy prices are transitory. 

that means a knockdown is coming in the energy market, but is sure ain't coming from the cessation of QE.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:49 | 3353358 Cursive
Cursive's picture


"The Market is up today, so I don't think [Cypress] is having much of an effect."


Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:56 | 3353395 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture


Nice, I have not seen the true spelling before. +1

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:59 | 3353409 Cursive
Cursive's picture


I refuse to spell it any other way.  It is his legacy.  BTW, too long since I've seen you here!

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:09 | 3353475 akak
akak's picture

I wish, just once, that Bernanke would go into one of these press conferences with his pet unicorns.  I hear they are very cute.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 15:00 | 3353423 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I wonder when we will realize this is bernak's way of cropdusting us.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:52 | 3353371 ekm
ekm's picture

Slightly different language.

ZH just tweeted Obama said that we'll stop Iran.


I can't see this going for too long.


- Crude oil/food prices

- Iran


Same as for George Bush.

Wed, 03/20/2013 - 14:59 | 3353416 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

If we go to war with Iran crude spikes off the charts, no?



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