Eurogroup Concludes 'Inconclusive' Call; Cyprus Dismisses Deposit Levy; Moar Troika Needed

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Surprise! No decision came out of the Eurogroup conference call (and none is expected this evening) as:

  • *EUROGROUP EXPECTS CYPRUS TO SUBMIT NEW RESCUE PROPOSAL QUICKLY and
  • *EUROGROUP SAYS IMPORTANT TO GUARANTEE DEPOSITS UNDER EU100,000
  • *EUROGROUP SAYS TROIKA ANALYSIS NEEDED ON NEW CYPRIOT PROPOSAL

However, Cyprus has decided that it will only undertake small deposit levy (if at all) and prepares to present a new proposal. And just to rub some salt in the wound:

  • *CYPRUS CUT TO CCC FROM CCC+ BY S&P; OUTLOOK NEGATIVE

So, Laiki has only hours of liquidity; the government hasn't voted on a proposal yet; Eurogroup won't act until Troika analyzes the proposal; and Cypriot Central banker wants major capital controls.

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Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:01 | 3358910 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

"Troika"--the Stalinist terminology should be a clue: Stalinist weapons being launched against the homeland of Stalin.  Stalin vs Stalin

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358922 Element
Element's picture

Got towel?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358943 knukles
knukles's picture

Why don't we have a meeting and work this out for a change?

Who
The
Fuck
Is
In
Charge?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358961 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

Triple hook bitchez!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359000 redpill
redpill's picture

Discussing the guarantee of deposits under $100k essentially telegraphs that massive loss of deposits is expected.  You can't stop the shitstorm now.  "Hurry up and submit a proposal" -- uh, yeah, no one gives a shit what the proposal is now, they are streaming out the emergency exits of these zombie banks and never looking back.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:30 | 3359097 morning
morning's picture

Makes you wonder about the Big Lie Technique and the next sudden "stupid" decision.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:06 | 3359280 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Massive loss is coming and it still won't save the banks, because people will still take out whats left of their money.  Also who will ever put money into those banks again.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:02 | 3359898 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

[quote]

So, Laiki has only hours of liquidity; the government hasn't voted on a proposal yet; Eurogroup won't act until Troika analyzes the proposal; and Cypriot Central banker wants major capital controls.

[/quote]

Other than that...hey look, FREE Spiderman towels!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358963 Spider
Spider's picture

Very European solution.  The best part is S&P cut their rating for Cypress to "NEGATIVE" - how did these guys miss the financial crisis???? 

Also, what would be the rating for "good probability your deposits are confiscated"...?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359025 Banksters
Banksters's picture

First class clusterfuck.   

 

 

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:22 | 3359051 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

What's JPM's rating again?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358947 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Relax guys, it's all good.

The air head on CKGB just said they are going to break Cypress up into a good bank, a bad bank, a worser bank, and a worstest bank, and then...

My head hurts.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358956 Element
Element's picture

Welcome to the Euro-peon dream

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358967 knukles
knukles's picture

This is starting to sound like the Book of Revelations reads.... Everything getting carved up, disappearing, going up in smoke, riots, disease, bankers burning at stakes, tellers being anointed as Popes, animal feces being used as coin and currency...

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358990 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

show me one banker burning at the stake.

please?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359021 knukles
knukles's picture

I said sounds, Fonz, not "lookie thar, ma"
Come to think of it, some day at Dizzy Land there'll be a Rollie coaster "Ride the Burning Banker" for the kiddies....

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:39 | 3359140 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

Save a country, hang a banker.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:54 | 3359222 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

some day at Dizzy Land there'll be a Rollie coaster "Ride the Burning Banker" for the kiddies....

A banker-themed abusement park?

Nice.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:38 | 3359131 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

I think he means "a banker burning his steak."  The HORR(s)OR!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358948 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

NEEDS MOAR COMMITTEES!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358977 Induced Coma
Induced Coma's picture

Tyler Durden:If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him.

 

Stay liquid my friends.

 

IC

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358987 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture

 

Everyone, keep hitting those ATM withdrawls, at the very least.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:05 | 3359275 Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

Its getting to a boiling point But until there is war, I'm not interested.

 

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:14 | 3358998 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Cypress is a test.  If there is major carnage, Italy, Greece and the rest fall in line and obey the EU.  If Cypress prevails without much pain, look out below.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358915 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Cosmic Bunny Hole

Translation:  Cypriot bankers and bureaucrats need more time to arrange outbound flights prior to passing legislation to steal deposits for the purpose of bailing out moar bad banks.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:02 | 3358917 peter4805
peter4805's picture

Long lamp posts!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:02 | 3358919 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Didn't they just stress test Cyprus' banks 18 months ago?

Fuck the Troika.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358935 timbo_em
timbo_em's picture

They also tested Dexia which was one of the best banks in that test.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:18 | 3359013 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Stressless tests of fantasy....just a couple weeks ago didn't they declare stressless test here were all good, except for GMAC/Ally gubment bank?

All just fantasy 100%.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358924 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And....Have a nice day. :-)

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358926 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

CLUSTERFUCK!!!!!!!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358958 machineh
machineh's picture

EUROGROUP SAYS IMPORTANT TO GUARANTEE DEPOSITS UNDER EU100,000

Last week they wanted 6.75% from the under-100K crowd. Down from 40%.

Now they say zero percent, with a crocodile smile.

If you trust these larcenous racketeers, you will lose everything.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:13 | 3358992 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

Glad that you said it so I don't have to!

The government's plan B sounds better.

 

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:30 | 3359104 Day_Of_The_Tentacle
Day_Of_The_Tentacle's picture

Yeah, my jaw just dropped a little bit more on that one. The hypocracy is stunning.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:46 | 3360004 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

from what i have read, the ecb et al position was to take the money from all over 100k and none under 100k. the pres of cypr was the one that insisted on less than 10% on the over, the rest of the % from the under. (methinkest cronism, protect his big donors). the pres thought he could 'deliver' that, but alas, for him, not.

this is consistent with the whole scenario. for example, when the cyp parliament voted no, the pres and his party had to abstain or vote against what they had originally forced out of the ecb et al. they knew it would get out. had they not authored the proposal, they could have voted against it and cursed the ecb et al for being, well, monsters.

for one to say that ecb et al started with a % for the gauranteed under 100k crowd would be to say the ecb et al voluntarily decided to destroy the ecb et al credibility in one fell swoop. an unlikely scenario imo. more likely they thought the pres could deliver; in any event the world cb's have no choice to backstop the ecb et al.

even russia.

 

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358970 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Did Mel Brooks write this shit,  or wut?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:05 | 3359906 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

More like Joseph Heller ("Catch-22")

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 23:46 | 3360660 upWising
upWising's picture

How do you say CLUSTERFUCK in Greek?  

Fri, 03/22/2013 - 02:56 | 3360973 mkhs
mkhs's picture

Cyprus?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358928 Ourrulersknowbest
Ourrulersknowbest's picture

Lies ,lies and damn lies!!!!!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:04 | 3358932 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

this whole thing is a major disaster, there is no hope for cyprus. scary thing for europe is this is just the beggining, spain and italy are still majorily fucked as well and will face a similar problem down the road.

 

cant say i feel bad for the bankers though

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358982 knukles
knukles's picture

Don't forget the Froggies.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359003 machineh
machineh's picture

The French are the ones insisting the most vociferously that Cyprus is a 'special case.'

For obvious reasons.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358933 drink or die
drink or die's picture

Word on the street is that Spain is airlifting in shipments of Spiderman beach towels to help renew confidence in the banks.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359002 Key-Rick
Key-Rick's picture

+ 1 just for your handle.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:04 | 3358936 kito
kito's picture

gosh those ratings companies are so dang prescient.........

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358938 chubbyjjfong
chubbyjjfong's picture

Thanks S&P.. You bunch of fucking retarded cock suckers. As if anyone gives a flying fuck what you assholes say.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359001 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

Yeah, well at least S&P said something, and that while being sued by obama's hack pitbull at injustice". As oppossed to the obama ass lickin pos rating agency controlled by the senile whoracle of omaha that's named after a bible institute.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:05 | 3359276 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Good thing the SEC is protecting us from the opinion of Egan-Jones on this matter. They could have said something unharmonious and started a panic.

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