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Eurogroup Concludes 'Inconclusive' Call; Cyprus Dismisses Deposit Levy; Moar Troika Needed

Tyler Durden's picture


Surprise! No decision came out of the Eurogroup conference call (and none is expected this evening) as:


However, Cyprus has decided that it will only undertake small deposit levy (if at all) and prepares to present a new proposal. And just to rub some salt in the wound:


So, Laiki has only hours of liquidity; the government hasn't voted on a proposal yet; Eurogroup won't act until Troika analyzes the proposal; and Cypriot Central banker wants major capital controls.


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Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:01 | 3358910 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

"Troika"--the Stalinist terminology should be a clue: Stalinist weapons being launched against the homeland of Stalin.  Stalin vs Stalin

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358922 Element
Element's picture

Got towel?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358943 knukles
knukles's picture

Why don't we have a meeting and work this out for a change?


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358961 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

Triple hook bitchez!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359000 redpill
redpill's picture

Discussing the guarantee of deposits under $100k essentially telegraphs that massive loss of deposits is expected.  You can't stop the shitstorm now.  "Hurry up and submit a proposal" -- uh, yeah, no one gives a shit what the proposal is now, they are streaming out the emergency exits of these zombie banks and never looking back.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:30 | 3359097 morning
morning's picture

Makes you wonder about the Big Lie Technique and the next sudden "stupid" decision.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:06 | 3359280 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Massive loss is coming and it still won't save the banks, because people will still take out whats left of their money.  Also who will ever put money into those banks again.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:02 | 3359898 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture


So, Laiki has only hours of liquidity; the government hasn't voted on a proposal yet; Eurogroup won't act until Troika analyzes the proposal; and Cypriot Central banker wants major capital controls.


Other than that...hey look, FREE Spiderman towels!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358963 Spider
Spider's picture

Very European solution.  The best part is S&P cut their rating for Cypress to "NEGATIVE" - how did these guys miss the financial crisis???? 

Also, what would be the rating for "good probability your deposits are confiscated"...?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359025 Banksters
Banksters's picture

First class clusterfuck.   



Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:22 | 3359051 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

What's JPM's rating again?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358969 negative rates
negative rates's picture

This is not going to end well.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358947 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Relax guys, it's all good.

The air head on CKGB just said they are going to break Cypress up into a good bank, a bad bank, a worser bank, and a worstest bank, and then...

My head hurts.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358956 Element
Element's picture

Welcome to the Euro-peon dream

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358967 knukles
knukles's picture

This is starting to sound like the Book of Revelations reads.... Everything getting carved up, disappearing, going up in smoke, riots, disease, bankers burning at stakes, tellers being anointed as Popes, animal feces being used as coin and currency...

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358990 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

show me one banker burning at the stake.


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359021 knukles
knukles's picture

I said sounds, Fonz, not "lookie thar, ma"
Come to think of it, some day at Dizzy Land there'll be a Rollie coaster "Ride the Burning Banker" for the kiddies....

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:39 | 3359140 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

Save a country, hang a banker.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:54 | 3359222 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


some day at Dizzy Land there'll be a Rollie coaster "Ride the Burning Banker" for the kiddies....

A banker-themed abusement park?


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:38 | 3359131 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

I think he means "a banker burning his steak."  The HORR(s)OR!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358948 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358977 Induced Coma
Induced Coma's picture

Tyler Durden:If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him.


Stay liquid my friends.



Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358987 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture


Everyone, keep hitting those ATM withdrawls, at the very least.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:05 | 3359275 Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

Its getting to a boiling point But until there is war, I'm not interested.


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:14 | 3358998 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Cypress is a test.  If there is major carnage, Italy, Greece and the rest fall in line and obey the EU.  If Cypress prevails without much pain, look out below.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358915 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Cosmic Bunny Hole

Translation:  Cypriot bankers and bureaucrats need more time to arrange outbound flights prior to passing legislation to steal deposits for the purpose of bailing out moar bad banks.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:02 | 3358917 peter4805
peter4805's picture

Long lamp posts!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:02 | 3358919 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Didn't they just stress test Cyprus' banks 18 months ago?

Fuck the Troika.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358935 timbo_em
timbo_em's picture

They also tested Dexia which was one of the best banks in that test.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:18 | 3359013 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Stressless tests of fantasy....just a couple weeks ago didn't they declare stressless test here were all good, except for GMAC/Ally gubment bank?

All just fantasy 100%.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358924 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And....Have a nice day. :-)

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358926 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358958 machineh
machineh's picture


Last week they wanted 6.75% from the under-100K crowd. Down from 40%.

Now they say zero percent, with a crocodile smile.

If you trust these larcenous racketeers, you will lose everything.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:13 | 3358992 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

Glad that you said it so I don't have to!

The government's plan B sounds better.


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:30 | 3359104 Day_Of_The_Tentacle
Day_Of_The_Tentacle's picture

Yeah, my jaw just dropped a little bit more on that one. The hypocracy is stunning.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:46 | 3360004 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

from what i have read, the ecb et al position was to take the money from all over 100k and none under 100k. the pres of cypr was the one that insisted on less than 10% on the over, the rest of the % from the under. (methinkest cronism, protect his big donors). the pres thought he could 'deliver' that, but alas, for him, not.

this is consistent with the whole scenario. for example, when the cyp parliament voted no, the pres and his party had to abstain or vote against what they had originally forced out of the ecb et al. they knew it would get out. had they not authored the proposal, they could have voted against it and cursed the ecb et al for being, well, monsters.

for one to say that ecb et al started with a % for the gauranteed under 100k crowd would be to say the ecb et al voluntarily decided to destroy the ecb et al credibility in one fell swoop. an unlikely scenario imo. more likely they thought the pres could deliver; in any event the world cb's have no choice to backstop the ecb et al.

even russia.


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358970 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Did Mel Brooks write this shit,  or wut?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:05 | 3359906 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

More like Joseph Heller ("Catch-22")

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 23:46 | 3360660 upWising
upWising's picture

How do you say CLUSTERFUCK in Greek?  

Fri, 03/22/2013 - 02:56 | 3360973 mkhs
mkhs's picture


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:03 | 3358928 Ourrulersknowbest
Ourrulersknowbest's picture

Lies ,lies and damn lies!!!!!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:04 | 3358932 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

this whole thing is a major disaster, there is no hope for cyprus. scary thing for europe is this is just the beggining, spain and italy are still majorily fucked as well and will face a similar problem down the road.


cant say i feel bad for the bankers though

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358982 knukles
knukles's picture

Don't forget the Froggies.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359003 machineh
machineh's picture

The French are the ones insisting the most vociferously that Cyprus is a 'special case.'

For obvious reasons.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358933 drink or die
drink or die's picture

Word on the street is that Spain is airlifting in shipments of Spiderman beach towels to help renew confidence in the banks.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359002 Key-Rick
Key-Rick's picture

+ 1 just for your handle.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:04 | 3358936 kito
kito's picture

gosh those ratings companies are so dang prescient.........

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358938 chubbyjjfong
chubbyjjfong's picture

Thanks S&P.. You bunch of fucking retarded cock suckers. As if anyone gives a flying fuck what you assholes say.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:15 | 3359001 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

Yeah, well at least S&P said something, and that while being sued by obama's hack pitbull at injustice". As oppossed to the obama ass lickin pos rating agency controlled by the senile whoracle of omaha that's named after a bible institute.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:05 | 3359276 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Good thing the SEC is protecting us from the opinion of Egan-Jones on this matter. They could have said something unharmonious and started a panic.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:20 | 3359029 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

S&P...always Johny on the spot to declare the building unsafe after it's collapsed. 

Fuckin' crooks.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358941 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Is that a natural gas leak I smell in Troikaberg?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358942 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And don't forget about France. They are running close behind the others. Just a matter of time. 

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359015 machineh
machineh's picture

France has a convoy of ancient Parisian taxis -- Citreon 2CVs -- ready and waiting to transport 'unlimited euros' from Brussels and Frankfurt.

Zere is no probleme, Monsieurs, je vous assure!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:44 | 3359172 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

...from Paris to Frankfurt.

There, fixed it for yah.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:05 | 3358946 Boeing Boy
Boeing Boy's picture

Waiting for footage of queues around the block at the LCS

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358951 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

I hope these Cyprus folks have been watchin Nat Geo's Preppers show.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358952 sharky2003
sharky2003's picture

CCC? That's it? Should be R and soon D.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:06 | 3358953 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture


Cyprus fiat isn't worth the papyrus it's printed on


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358954 economessed
economessed's picture

There was no solution because there is no procrastination-based outcome available to them anymore.  The truth hurts.  Someone is going to have to lose a lot of money.  All that's left to sort-out at this point is "who" and "how much?"

The Euro ends in 2013.  The larger question we need to answer is "can we do this peacefully?"

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:09 | 3358974 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

The short answer is 'no'.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:47 | 3359181 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Long answer is 'hell no'.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358975 machineh
machineh's picture

A circular firing squad would solve everyone's problems.


Ready, fire, aim.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359023 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Ready, fire, aim

Always good for a lol.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:31 | 3359081 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

These shitiots have loaded a double barrel hair trigger shit-machine gun and the barrels are pointed right at their own heads!

Double Barrel Shit Machine Gun - YouTube

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:07 | 3358957 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

What better way to start a global financial collapse. Blame it on a small island that most plebes neither heard about nor know where the hell it is.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358966 Boeing Boy
Boeing Boy's picture

To be fair most ZHrs were calling it Cypress for the first couple of days...

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:12 | 3358989 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh, you got the tee time!

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:17 | 3359012 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

It's where we get the word Copper. Do they have any left other than euro coins? might be useful

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3358962 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:17 | 3358973 TomGa
TomGa's picture

OT  but eventually related as it flies apart globally.  Your president at work monkeying arround with executive orders last week....


Sec. 4. Liability Limit Adjustment.
(a)(1) The following functions vested in the President by section 1004(d) of OPA are delegated to the Secretary of the department in which the Coast Guard is operating, acting in consultation with the Administrator, the Secretary of Transportation, the Secretary of the Interior, and the Attorney General:
(A) the adjustment of the limits of liability listed in section 1004(a) of OPA for vessels, onshore facilities, and deepwater ports subject to the DPA, to reflect significant increases in the Consumer Price Index;

(B) the establishment of limits of liability under section 1004(d)(1), with respect to classes or categories of marine transportation-related onshore facilities, and the adjustment of any such limits of liability established under section 1004(d)(1), and of any limits of liability established under section 1004(d)(2) with respect to deepwater ports subject to the DPA, to reflect significant increases in the Consumer Price Index; and


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358979 bnbdnb
bnbdnb's picture

Let everyone withdraw all if they can. Let Cypress be the example to those who might just say no to you, then show your true might EU.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358980 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture





Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:14 | 3358997 knukles
knukles's picture


Eat a banker

Make like reality gets really shitty bad
Might get some attention
That or heads on sticks.
But don't waste the meat

Eat a banker for breakfast

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:22 | 3359050 They Tried to S...
They Tried to Steal My Gold's picture

The majority of the ctiizens are retirees and middle age used to socialist takes time and a few Russian mobsters to change this...


Give em this weekend.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:10 | 3358981 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Well, you think FedEx delivered the special vests today to the bank members?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:16 | 3359936 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

"When it absolutely has to be there (Tuesday, no - Thursday, make it next Tuesday...)"


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:13 | 3358993 Bear
Bear's picture

Merkel Lied the Canary Died

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:23 | 3359053 moonman
moonman's picture

TURK182 !

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:16 | 3359007 Sutton
Sutton's picture

The Russian Mafia doesn't take 40% haircuts, they give them.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:52 | 3359214 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Coming soon to Brussels: the Russian Mafia 100% haircut.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:21 | 3359020 ekm
ekm's picture

This seems to me similar to Oct 2011 when the Fed let MFG go and later they regretted it because the euro/uk banks seized up, and had to come up with the ECB - BOE swaps.


I think they had a plan about controlling the implosion starting with Cyprus, thus blaming Cyprus and Russians, but it seems to me it's getting out of control.


What's next? You see, the Fed could not say later in Oct 2011 that they changed their mind and would bailout MFG.

These guys seem to think that they can change their minds indefinitely and nothing would happen.


It's one thing to have gold owners robbed with MFG, it's another thing to have Putin robbed.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:22 | 3359047 magpie
magpie's picture

Hey ekm, you have the theory that they want to crash oil prices - What if they don't, since the USA is allegedly self sufficient anyway.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:24 | 3359062 ekm
ekm's picture

Now remember this:



This is what we were told in communism, which meant that we had to "eat grass".

If USA were self sufficient, then no soldiers needed to die for oil's sake and no aircraft carriers would be in the gulf.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:28 | 3359080 ekm
ekm's picture

about 45% of crude oil is used for gasoline.


Another 25-30%  is used for ...........FOOD CHAIN, from fertilizers, machineries etc, etc, etc. The rest is for plastics.


Cheap Oil = Cheap Food, since Nixon times with Earl Butz.


If oil is scarce, food will be LESS AND LESS AND LESS ABUNDANT, getting slowly to become scarce.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:31 | 3359107 magpie
magpie's picture

I was wondering about the differences to 2008, you know crash everything because it would hurt the Russians and Iranians far more, that kind of motive.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:41 | 3359154 ekm
ekm's picture

Hurting Iranians is one of goals IMO.

Hurting russians would leave europeans without heating gas for winter.


It's a tough choice. Putin doesn't really care. He's quite deep in criminality so he's got nothing to lose.

He attacked the country of Georgia partly because George Bush told him that he'd take a haircut on fannie and freddie bonds.

After, that Bush paid them and China 100% on those bonds and........QE1 started.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:19 | 3359022 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

It's simple. They loaned out too much money and now they need it back. It's their money! They printed it. Next Mercedes will want you to return last years car or pay 25% more than you paid due to unforeseen inflationary conditions. Just give them your money.

Fri, 03/22/2013 - 03:06 | 3360983 mkhs
mkhs's picture

They used it to buy Greek bonds. They took a haircut to save Greece.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:21 | 3359042 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Learn from the Troika and sell that offshore future reserve stuff to the future. Don't let the Ruskies off of the island without writing a check. The Troika will only replace you with a technocrat and steal all the oil and gas reserves anyhow.

Listen to me I heard it on the Alex Jones show just this morning. It's written in the Troika's riot doctrine. Call Joe Stiglitz up. He has supposedly already read the document. They want your oil and gas not your money.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:23 | 3359057 magpie
magpie's picture

Just fascinating, the adepts of Lucifer and Isis raping the island of Venus /snark

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:24 | 3359067 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Is there any question that Cyprus was caused by Greek contagion?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:56 | 3359230 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

No question at all it was caused by the Troika 75% haircut - the one that didn't apply to the ECB.

I'm still wondering how I pay my mortgage on my Cyprus villa, and even who I pay it to.  At least most of my money is out of the island.  (And yes, I actually have the legal title deeds, most don't).


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:25 | 3359071 youngman
youngman's picture

the Golden rule..they say the man with the gold..rules.....

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:28 | 3359082 MyBrothersKeeper
MyBrothersKeeper's picture

Someone heard singing softly after the EU meeting, "i'm safe up high, no one can touch me, but why do I feel this party's over.."

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:28 | 3359085 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Does this sound like financial terrorism to anybody.

From CNBC:

Turkey could challenge any move by Cyprus to speed up offshore natural gas exploration as a way of attracting investment to save its economy, Turk

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:48 | 3359190 besnook
besnook's picture

turkey just wants to insure it's cut of the action. russia has been making overtures to turkey and turkey has recently floated the idea of joining the sco because the west has trated it as a second class citizen. a turkey deal with russia in conjunction with cyprus would put russia in a dominant position in the eastern mediterranean.


the usa and europe are playing checkers and putin is playing chess. the west is running around shouting "king me!" and putin is using a pawn to launch an attack with rooks and knights on their fn king, the banksters.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:39 | 3359138 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Shit & Piss downgrades Cyprus now..

Really? Timing is everything...

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:40 | 3359147 Navymugsy
Navymugsy's picture

CCC+ ? That could hurt the stock price, no?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:40 | 3359148 Peter K
Peter K's picture

What's the rush. They all have til next Tuesday. :)

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:41 | 3359156 besnook
besnook's picture

gosh. i don't understand why cyprus just doesn't rehypothecate the island 3 or 4 times. that should buy them 20 or 30 years.


if it wasn't going to bite me in the ass soon this would be hilarious.  putin is going to rule the world with china because of a western fuck up in a 25 billion dollar economy, 5% of walmart annual revenue.  war may be the only answer left for the west. of course, it is the dumbest answer but it has never stopped the usa and europe before.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:47 | 3359185 Fix-ItSilly
Fix-ItSilly's picture

The EuroGroup game plan is to make bankers' assets (senior bonds) more important than the people's assets (deposits).  Cyprus should explain this clearly and win the political battle.

Then it should take the Greek bonds on its banks' books and hand them over to the ECB at full face value - just as the ECB declares value on its own Greek bonds.

The people are the equal to bankers.  Everyone who owns the same bond should receive equal treatment.

After these 2 logical and fair steps, proper respect and consideration is shown to Cyprus' situation and likely the deposit confiscation is unnecessary.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 16:49 | 3359192 bloostar
bloostar's picture

I'm guessing the spiderman towels got thrown in the pool then?

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 17:01 | 3359250 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Good News: the Laiki home page is still up, so things are certainly still fine, thank you, fine.

Thu, 03/21/2013 - 19:19 | 3359798 Backspin
Backspin's picture

Could someone fill me in on the usage of the word "moar" on this site, maybe a brief history.  I pretty much undestand all the references to helicpter Ben, boating accidents, riot dog, bitchez, edible iPads, etc.  But the "moar" is lost on me.  Someone please clue me in if you can.  Thanks.


Thu, 03/21/2013 - 20:23 | 3359951 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Quick, are you decisive?


Well, yes and no...

Let me get back to you on that..., maybe...

The committee is in a meeting about that...

What was the question again?


Let me ask my wife...


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