"In The Best Interests Of The People..."

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The European Union finance ministers have just agreed to the terms of the Cyprus-Troika deal (which we fear could mean 100% haircts for the uninsured Laiki depositors as unsecured claims in a Chapter-7-style liquidation). With democracy now a complete farce since not even Parliament will be allowed to vote on deposit confiscation as part of a financial sector bankruptcy deal, here is the island nation's president explaining what just happened:

  • *ANASTASIADES SAYS AID DEAL IN BEST INTEREST OF CYPRIOT PEOPLE

 

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Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:12 | 3370455 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Of course it is. Which is why we need to bypass that pesky democratic process.

 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:13 | 3370465 mikla
mikla's picture

Peace through imprisoning all people everywhere.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:16 | 3370477 Cult_of_Reason
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One potential complication that will have to be resolved concerns the provision of emergency liquidity assistance (ELA) to both banks by the European Central Bank.

Laiki bank has received 9 billion euros of ELA, all of which will be transferred to Bank of Cyprus under the rescue plan.

Bank of Cyprus has already received 1 billion euros worth of ELA assistance from the ECB. By taking on Laiki's obligations, it will now have outstanding assistance of 10 billion, which sources indicate is close to the ECB's acceptable threshold.

http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSL5N0CH00H20130325?irpc=932

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:20 | 3370509 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Cyprus can handle this how they want. This is all about Beppe now. Time to shine Beppe.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:27 | 3370528 graneros
graneros's picture

You nailed it Fonz. I hear the ghost of Il Duce screaming from his balcony. But don't forget Golden Dawn in Greece. No doubt this will be a huge boost to their power.  Facism vs Communism redux!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:31 | 3370547 philipat
philipat's picture

I thought we were discussing Cyprus, not The US??

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:33 | 3370562 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Once again Germany's pimp hand has been shown to be strong.  They are SMACKIN' those bitches around when they get out of hand.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:37 | 3370583 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I'm rooting for Texas now.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:56 | 3370677 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

This death-struggle has barely begun. Putin does not get angry. He will get even. And then some. The EU pantywaist banksters are in way, way over their head now. I predict a very hot summer, then an extremely cold winter. Esp. in Europe.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:57 | 3370903 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

"Putin does not get angry. He will get even. And then some. The EU pantywaist banksters are in way, way over their head now. I predict a very hot summer, then an extremely cold winter. Esp. in Europe."

 

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3tfbvj/

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 23:28 | 3371019 kito
kito's picture

Putin doesn't give a crap....he is getting walked all over and does nothing...losing his military base in Syria....bitch slapped in Cyprus....perhaps he is just too comfortable to care...

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 09:45 | 3371919 fajensen
fajensen's picture

Polonium-Pizza for all bankers - straight from "Special Research Project No. 7", Ural ;-)

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:29 | 3370517 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Tonight, members of the Trioka, in league with the President of Cyprus, side stepped democracy by including enough fine print to eliminate any pesky Cypriot parliamentary procedure on the way to a bailout for Cyprus.  When asked for comment, an unnamed member of the Troika said, "We were not satisfied with the prospect of creating an EU wide bank run.  We prefer social unrest leaning towards potential civil war."  Tonight, members of the EU are convinced that 10+_______=fair.

Fifth grade mathaletes in Cyprus are stunned, and they have gathered outside of Ms. Whocouldanodios's classroom to protest years of obviously unnecessary math classes.  In France, 3rd grade math students say, "We told you so."  

More as it comes in...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:33 | 3370557 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"we had to get around democracy in order to make it legal."

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:56 | 3370687 Chuck Walla
Chuck Walla's picture

 

Its the rules than make a scam into a system.

FORWARD SOVIET!

 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:37 | 3370786 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Update:  During the press conference in Brussels Sprout, Minister DieselBoom clarified that, "Side stepping the Cypriot parliament was necessary to save two Cypriot banks, not Cyprus itself.  As well, the rumor that we concluded that 10+_________=fair...this not true.  We reached an understanding that                                    10+__________-Democracy=fair."  Golf claps were heard all around the room.

When asked for the particulars on the wind down of BoC, Minister DieselBoom commented, "Good grief...we've only been working on this for 20 months.  We don't know, but we have calculators inbound to Cyprus now."  

IMF chief Chrisine LaGarde chimed in saying, "Sustainable, global growth, buying opportunity, orange, daffodils, I <heart> DieselBoom."  Nods all around were unanimous.

It is also rumored that 2nd grade Irish mathaletes are boarding flights to Cyprus.  After their successful whoop ass of French math students, they climbed the jetway carrying signs that read, "We're on a roll, and we don't need no stinkin' calculators."

The story continues to develop quickly....

 

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 01:29 | 3371254 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

Where the Hell is Robin Hood???

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 01:35 | 3371257 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

The suspense is worse than Alien, when's the creature gonna pop out?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:23 | 3370521 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Threshholds change as needed.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:33 | 3370819 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

A 100% cut on uninsured depositors to get the 5.8 billion they need by shuffling one bank to a "good" bank.  But the problem is will this stop people from having a run on the bank anyway?  You see if this problem is fixed and it's okay, then they should lift capital controls.  But they won't becuase people will take their money and move it from Cyprius banks.  The catch 22 is that as long as they have capital controls and limits of 100 euros (was 260 a day ago) a day, people will take their money out anyway.

 

We are far from over and I don't think they told the full truth.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:15 | 3370479 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

"Get onto the trains... now into the showers... it's for your own good."

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:20 | 3370504 akak
akak's picture

Too bad that those unfortunate people were not actually deloused as advertised --- perhaps more than a few banksters would have ended up in the drains.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:32 | 3370543 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

akak is channeling francis s

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:41 | 3370607 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

Cyprus citizens get your guns, lets head to the banks and government buildings............

oh wait, you dont have guns, thats right, you turned them all in to join the EU!!!!!

Well I'm sure the powers that be, will respect your democratic rights and liberty, and do whats in your best interest!

UHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHH

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:15 | 3370482 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

The democratic process works until it doesn't.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:20 | 3370507 max2205
max2205's picture

Couple more wheel barrels to the bank and I am good

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:02 | 3370711 sunnydays
sunnydays's picture

I don't believe the President of Cyprus will have a long and healthy life now.  

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:29 | 3370809 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

"winning the minds and hearts of the people one at a time...."

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:23 | 3370518 Banksters
Banksters's picture

I look forward to Russia's response.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:29 | 3370536 Stuart
Stuart's picture

Quick somebody close the lid on this box...  look for the lid.  It's easy to find, there's spelling on it...

 

P-A-N-D-O-R-A

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:29 | 3370539 Tinky
Tinky's picture

"pesky" is one of my favorite underutilized words

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 23:12 | 3370952 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Jesus Christ this makes me want to lose my fucking lunch. 

Clown shoes.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:12 | 3370456 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Duplicate.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:12 | 3370457 maxmad
maxmad's picture

In the peoples best interest.... he will be arrested!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:12 | 3370458 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture

 

Hope u all enjoyed the weekend of coke and hookers....Proceed.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:34 | 3370564 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

where next? i'm OUTTA this thing...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:13 | 3370462 konputa
konputa's picture

Fuck you Bernanke?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:13 | 3370464 tallen
tallen's picture

Looks like all of Europe is fixed now. Who would want to take their money out of such a safe banking system?
This has to be good for another 100ES points.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 01:46 | 3371268 Caggge
Caggge's picture

Yes, Europe is saved by the bankers. It is probably time to give them a huge bonus for all their hard work!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:13 | 3370468 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Banks are now toxic for placing one's savings. The irony is dumbfounding.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 23:07 | 3370927 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

Honest Question:   Has anyone heard anything about the security of safe deposit box contents within these Cypriot Banks.   I'm assuming, that SDBox contents are still safe.   So, if you've got 100,000 Euro's is it a better move, to withdraw the cash and put it into the safe deposit box?

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 09:14 | 3371821 sadmamapatriot
sadmamapatriot's picture

I don't know anything about Cypriot safety deposit boxes. I do have a friend whose family lost everything here during the Depression. Banksters got desperate and went treasure hunting in the SDBoxes. Also, MF Global raided their clients' vaults, too. So, I believe physical possesion is everything. Get a couple of good safes (one for a decoy) and plenty of guns and ammo to guard it. Seriously.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:14 | 3370473 sunny
sunny's picture

Sounds like he is looking forward to spending more time with his family.  Until the Russians find him, that is.

sunny

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:14 | 3370475 ABG LINE
ABG LINE's picture

The Road to Serfdom.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 10:12 | 3372015 Melin
Melin's picture

...was 100 years long.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:14 | 3370476 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

Roll out the Guillotines!!!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:19 | 3370499 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

Meanwhile, these fucking Banksters are hanging out in the Caribbean, fuckers!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZY1W_iEUhc

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 23:44 | 3371063 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

NATIONAL GUARD SOLDIERS SAW AND TOUCHED THE GUILLOTINES AT FORT DEVENS.

Steve,he understands the situation but he already got in trouble from this situation back then along with another guy and they were interrogated for 3 hours for simply doing there jobs.
There was actually a group of them which saw what was going on and knew something was not right, they had far too many private contractors in uniform with the same BDU’s as they had, in fact you could not tell them apart except for one colorful patch which he could not make out

They were doing a sweep operation of the base and checking the place all over when they came across an open door with some crates inside left unguarded so they went in to see what was going on.

First the guillotines:
They were guarded by private contractors – not by our military – it was in 2005 at Fort Devens
The base was in the process of closing but also rebuilding at the same time
He saw truck loads of concertina wire being hauled in and building materials too but at the same time they were shipping out the military units and closing the base, the more troops which left the more private contractors came in.
They guarded the items they would not allow the troops to see or even get near.

They had about 14 crates all comprising a number of guillotines but no idea on the number of actual units; he did see and touch one of them partially assembled. Description:STAINLESS STEEL BLADE THAT WAS VERY HEAVY DUTY AND INTERCHANGEABLE.IT WAS POWERED BY A HYDRAULIC RAM IT HAD NO CABLE OR ROPES.THE BLADE IS HOUSED IN A FRAMEWORK THAT WAS POWDER COATED BLACK.HEIGHT 7' HIGH 3.5-4 FEET WIDE.THE WRITING ON THE UNOPENED CRATES WAS ARABIC.TUNE IN TO NIGHT WITH HAGMANN AND HAGMANN --WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THE REST OF THIS EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT-ITS OTHER WORDLY!

 

 

 

 

http://www.stevequayle.com/index.php?s=33&d=324   

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:15 | 3370481 grunk
grunk's picture

So we really are slaves?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 21:34 | 3370565 graneros
graneros's picture

Has there ever been any doubt?

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