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Is This Europe's Biggest Nightmare?

Tyler Durden's picture


Just one Spiderman towel left in stock in Europe... how will they ever attract depositors back now...



(h/t @Azizonomics)


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Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:57 | 3368893 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:07 | 3368945 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

And they only take pounds to buy it.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:23 | 3368999 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I think if they start offering 'Rabbi Reb Saunders' towels, they'll have a bonafide hit on their hands...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:40 | 3369040 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Obviously everyone has been reading some Douglas Adams, trying to take "Don't Panic" to heart, and getting all prepped up by having their towel with them.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:15 | 3369110 Stackers
Stackers's picture

The Troika just needs to head down to Nigeria and hook up with one of these guys that has $50,000,000,000,000 he needs to get out of the country on the down low

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:56 | 3369273 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

Larry Motherfucking FINK is long Spiderman towels

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:02 | 3369281 Spirit Of Truth
Spirit Of Truth's picture

It's possible Syria just rose to the top of the nightmare list.  There's rumors that Bashar Assad has been assassinated:


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 17:54 | 3369709 Likstane
Likstane's picture

@ Mscreant- That was a good example of an opening comment! 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 19:56 | 3370117 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Thank you!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:21 | 3369789 Orly
Orly's picture

After Putin puts the screws to the EU over the Cyprus thing, NATO takes out his best puppet in the Middle East.

This should be a board game.


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:27 | 3369008 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Spiderman towels and Prancing With the Stars is the new bread and circuses.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:05 | 3369744 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

1 Spiderman Towel for you Señor


Authentic, Hecho en Shenzen

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:56 | 3368894 What you talkin...
What you talkin about Willis's picture

I've got some old Sperman underwear from when I was a kid.  Will that help?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:01 | 3368921 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Angela Merdekill adult diapers, daily pack (contains 12).

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:10 | 3368960 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Schnauble G string briefs ?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:15 | 3368970 What you talkin...
What you talkin about Willis's picture

On there way to japan as we speak.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:02 | 3369282 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Isn't Merkel the only adult in the room?  Is she wrong to make others pay for their own sh$t?  If your neighbor goes out on a bender and finishes the night by puking on your front lawn, is it too much to ask to have them clean it up?  I guess some people would say you ought to pay your neighbor's bar tab too.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368925 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

I reeeeeeeally hope that's a typo.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:18 | 3368983 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh man.....

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:24 | 3369002 What you talkin...
What you talkin about Willis's picture

Yes Typo. No I was not rasied Catholic.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:41 | 3369046 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

You have to be careful with this vigilent crowd. They'd spot a Freudian slip from 1000 miles away.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:37 | 3369385 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

that's "vigilant" not "vigilent".

so, tell me about your mother.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:14 | 3369772 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

She's dead. What do you want to know?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:04 | 3368935 toady
toady's picture

My boy has two complete sets of Spiderman pajamas. I'm WAY ahead in this game!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:17 | 3369778 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Hey I've got a old unused Spiderman Kite still in the wrapper! I'm effing RICH!!! WHOPPPIIEEE!!!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:57 | 3368896 SnobGobbler
SnobGobbler's picture

i hear they work good for choking bankers too...damn, someone bought it...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:57 | 3368904 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

The LaGarde toaster?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:01 | 3368919 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

A toaster would be the perfect gift to attract depositors, because it

symbolizes that their money will soon be toast.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368926 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Silver does not toast in a toaster.
And interestingly, a silver coin in a operating microwave oven is a sight to behold.
Got Phyzz?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:22 | 3368991 knukles
knukles's picture

A Saudi prince* once gave me a biz card and it had gold around the edges... Popped and sparked like mad... What'd a show
Wonder if he ever suspected the functional utility to which we ascribed him

* btw, Saudi princes are like 67 427 Vettes. More registered than ever made

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:43 | 3369224 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

Not numbers matching... cobbled together from odd parts and pieces.  Just like the so-called Princes.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:09 | 3369759 Matt
Matt's picture

Aren't there something like 40,000 Saudi princes? Could explain why all the oil revenues have evaporated.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:09 | 3370747 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

You can cobble together the right casting dates and restamp the VIN on the block to get a very convincing - and hard to prove NOT original.  There's a reason GM doesn't want to come oput with a listing of original production Vettes.  Lots of otherwise convincing 'originals' would end up worht a lot less.....   pretty funny though how you can basically build a car from scratch and it's worih $50,000 or $500,000 depending on if it's 'original'.      There's actually a Shelby GT350 that exists in THREE versions.  It was wrecked within the first year of it's existence andlater rebuilt - as three individual cars - by the persons who obtained the wrecked body shell, the original engine block and the original paper title.   NONE of them are really 'original' yet all claim to be.


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:07 | 3368944 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

"A toaster would be the perfect gift to attract depositors, because it

symbolizes that their money will soon be BURNT."



Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:43 | 3369394 Smiley
Smiley's picture

I think a dildo would be more appropriate as soon they will all be fucked.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:59 | 3368908 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

The problem no longer is attracting depositors - it is not losing all your depositors.  Just ask Cyprus.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:53 | 3369070 Going Loco
Going Loco's picture

Last time I looked the Cypriot bank depositors were all still there... none had left except the lucky few who had managed to exhaust their meagre savings by ATM withdrawels

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:58 | 3369082 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Perhaps, you may want to check one day after the banks open.  If they open at all.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:58 | 3369471 bingo was his name
bingo was his name's picture

If cyprus account holders could get spiderman towels instead of stock at these they could have something of value.


Do worry your money is safe wtih us and is backed by spiderman towels

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 13:59 | 3368911 inevitablecollapse
inevitablecollapse's picture

better quality than the 'spaderman' paraphenalia available south of the u.s. border

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:00 | 3368913 unknownknowns
Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:15 | 3369107 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture


Or one of these for those in the U.S.:

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368914 falak pema
falak pema's picture

thats frugality for you! 

17 slobs who all towel off with ONE towel!

They'll need it as the final round of make or break begins at 8 pm sharp EST.

We have a dream or we have a scream; putin eats ice cream either way. 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368928 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Another marxist triumph!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368927 gimli
gimli's picture

No problem, if they just turn the water off next no one will need towels.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:04 | 3368931 One of We
One of We's picture to inflationary pressures the depositor incentive is now a Spiderman washcloth......

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:03 | 3368932 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Rehypothecate it.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:36 | 3369381 uranian
uranian's picture

Got to be worth at least 90 trillion.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:05 | 3368936 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Macy's still has them. Just costs a 9.9% levy tax from your bank account.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:17 | 3369114 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Good joke - click on this link = Out of Stock

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:08 | 3368946 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!, eh? British banks are now well-prepared for depositor haircuts & subsequent bank runs!! :)

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:09 | 3368949 gimli
gimli's picture

One Towel to rule them all, One Towel to find them,
One Towel to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:48 | 3369062 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

that is one hoopy frood.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:10 | 3368958 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

It¨s simple, Tyler - every new customer gets a Spiderman Towel ETF®

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:12 | 3368965 cristo
cristo's picture

Take a picture of the last Spiderman towel and print as many as you need . Problem solved . Who need a real towel ?

A real towel can be lost , damaged or stolen . The picture will last forever .

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:22 | 3368992 Frastric
Frastric's picture

Lest it be bent a few hundred times or be used as toilet paper...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:16 | 3368972 Pimp Juice
Pimp Juice's picture

OK, this isn't funny anymore. I can deal with a haircut on my savings but I will not fucking tolerate my Spider-Man towels being unavailable. Lucky for me I am a prepper........

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:17 | 3368977 centerline
centerline's picture

Only 1 left?  That's enough for 2 Cyprus accounts.  Each new depositor gets half a towel.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:17 | 3368981 Rattling Bones
Rattling Bones's picture

Handy to cry into after they steal your deposit.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:17 | 3368982 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

I heard a big batch of Merkel towels is on the way to Cyprus.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:23 | 3368984 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

Always remember to bring a towel!


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:22 | 3368994 ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

This is not a good sign..

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:26 | 3369007 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:43 | 3369027 falak pema
falak pema's picture

the barber of seville! Figaro! 

On special demand lent to Cyprus! 

Will return to Seville incessantly.

In fact the person turning the screws most is lady Lagarde of IMF. She is relentless and that Cypriot President sweats blood :

REPORTS: The President Of Cyprus Threatened To Resign - Business Insider

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:16 | 3369111 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Rabbit of Seville

How doooo!

Welcome to my shop
Let me cut your mop
Let me shave your crop!
Daintily! Daint-til-ly!

Hey yoooou!
Don't look so perplexed
Why must you be next
Can't you see you're next?
Yes, you're next!
Yoou're so next!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:41 | 3369215 JR
JR's picture

UPDATE: shortly after the news was spread, it was …dismissed or better say “corrected”. After a phone conversation between Anastasiades and Cypriot Parliament Speaker Omirou, Cypriot media reported “Anastasiades did not threaten Christine Lagarde with his resignation, but he asked if her insistence and the insistence of European partners aim to force him to resign.” (sigmalive via RealNews)

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:45 | 3369235 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Sweeny Todd

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:26 | 3369009 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

CNBC to report tomorrow a.m. that only one Spidey towel left is a "leading indicator" that Cyprus depositor confidence is back as savers rush to deposit their funds in Cyprus and other Eurozone banks. 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:35 | 3369029 Pandorable
Pandorable's picture

How about printing out some tee shirts that say "Nannycrats-R-Us" ---? Surely there is a market for those.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:47 | 3369051 slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture


Thats it, I'm pulling my money.

Hey WTF do you mean 'Closed until further notice?'


(At least I can use my Wolverine credit card.)

Hey WTF do you mean 'Unavailable until further notice?'

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:44 | 3369052 Going Loco
Going Loco's picture

This is a bad sign that they no longer intend to "attract" depositors with towels; in future they will just order people to deposit their fungible assets in the safe hands of banksters. 

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:45 | 3369055 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Disney is doing a special on Finding Nemo beach towels (true)

Spend $15, get a Finding Nemo towel for $14.

Heavy duty, large size, put it on the deck chair before Frau Merkel gets up, you can't miss it due to bright colors. If Frau Merkel says the deck chair is hers, then kick her in the ass :)



Sun, 03/24/2013 - 14:59 | 3369083 bonzo112358
Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:00 | 3369088 Satan
Satan's picture

Why on earth would anybody have to bend over to get a haircut ?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:04 | 3369093 The Abstraction...
The Abstraction of Justice's picture

If they go to a police chief's barber?

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:04 | 3369092 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

I lost all my Spider-Man towels in a boating accident.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:32 | 3369115 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Word is that President of Cyprus is threatening to resign.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:30 | 3369167 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Spiderman towel make Mongo good molotov wick.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:48 | 3369245 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Every Russian oligarch needs a Spider-Man towel. It's all the rage.

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:49 | 3369248 q99x2
q99x2's picture

And over in Israel it's party time.

 Israel said it fired into Syria on Sunday and destroyed a machinegun position in the Golan Heights

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:49 | 3369250 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

As Porky pig would say: " Ah,

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 15:52 | 3369257 walcott
walcott's picture

thats awesome!

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:05 | 3369291 HondaFullOfSilver
HondaFullOfSilver's picture

I am just here for the free haircuit.. :-)


Sun, 03/24/2013 - 16:25 | 3369339 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-attachment: fixed; color: #000000; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-attachment: fixed; color: #000000; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ho hum



Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:18 | 3369782 Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

Ah....they have thrown in the towel

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 18:55 | 3369901 RS2OOO
RS2OOO's picture

Come on, own up, which author is it at ZH with the Spiderman fetish???.....

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 00:01 | 3371103 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I've a mind to get one just to remind folks of the insanity we (hopefully) lived through...

Sun, 03/24/2013 - 22:44 | 3370855 Stud Duck
Stud Duck's picture

Which multi national owns the water supply to the citizens of Cypris?? I suspect the Germans, as they own many in the USA!


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