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Cyprus Church Loses EUR100 Million, Curses Those Responsible

Tyler Durden's picture


Perhaps it was their comment last week that "with the brains in Brussels... the Euro can't last," but the Orthodox Church of Cyprus has lost over EUR100 million reacted to its holdings in Bank of Cyprus. Church leader Archbishop Chrysostomos II, in comments on TV, noted that "Cyprus asked for 'crumbs' compared to large size of Europe’s budget," and that those responsible in Cyprus should be punished (he blames the outgoing government, Ministers of Finance, the Central Bank, and the Executive Directors of Banks) - "those that brought the place into this mess, should sit on the stool." He noted that people will lose jobs and the state will be poorer but that the Church is prepared to help; and his first step - to send invitations to the heads of various Russian companies on the island.

Via Church of Cyprus,

Heads of Russian companies operating in Cyprus will call a working lunch, next Thursday, March 28, 2013, His Beatitude Archbishop Chrysostomos Mr. to encourage them to remain in Cyprus.


Speaking to the media Sunday, March 24, 2013, the Archbishop said: "I think we should stand on our own forces. Do not expect any thing. Our people have unfortunately learned to live with the waste, but when the need to know and live with a few and I think he will live with the few. We will try as much as possible to open a business there that can help the state. We will do this with love, "he added.


He also said that "next Thursday I call - I will send invitations and of course - the heads of various Russian companies on the island, we come to the Archdiocese for a working lunch."


"I want to invite people to talk together, to encourage them to stay that benefit in Cyprus because Cyprus was the only country that gave interest to the Russian capital, and if they had their money in any other European country would receive or 0 or 0.5%, while here they get so much more. At last they have brought the place into this mess, should sit on the stool, "he said.


The Archbishop said that the situation blame the outgoing government, Ministers of Finance, the Central Bank, "which brought the top down, blame and Executive Directors of Banks."


"We all sit on the stool, of course, because they brought up - and found below this poverty of our people, so unexpectedly, without a consideration. It is not vengeful. We must punish naughty, fiber and other fear shall have, "he added.


Replying to a question, the Archbishop said that the banks belong to the shareholders. "It is neither the Governor nor anyone. The Governor can not monitor, or orders appoint either cease or be closed banks. Unfortunately, they stayed with our own apathy. I've said to initiate treatment, "he said.

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Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:36 | 3372393 ihedgemyhedges
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Yeah, but they're not doing the same kind of God's work that Blankfein is.......

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:37 | 3372400 Careless Whisper
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The Careless Whisper News Update & Threadjacking AHEAD Of Drudge. Just Sayin'

New FORD Ad Campaign - Fifty Shades; Women In Leather Tied In Backseat, Berlusconi In Front Seat With Victory Sign


LAPD $1 Million Reward For Cop Killa Dorner Had Some Fine Print; "Arrest & Conviction"; No Payout!






Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:42 | 3372438 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@The Careless Whisper Report

Now it takes $1M to promote good citizenship?  We have no society, people.  Easy money and the welfare state have ruined us.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:50 | 3372468 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Ah, the Beatitude Archbishop on his knees to the Russians all next week-  gotta love how the Church works....

Operative word there is "head"....

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:56 | 3372502 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:57 | 3372518 cifo
cifo's picture

"those that brought the place into this mess, should sit on the stool."

Did he mean "stand on the stool"? (with the noose around the neck).

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:59 | 3372526 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

^^ post fail

The Church of Cyprus should begin to issue "indulgences" in the form of printed notes and metal tokens.

They'd be a perfect source of an alternative currnecy.  Let the EU think that Cyprus hasn't left.

Who's going to counterfeit the church and risk excommunication?  As for the actual "indulgence" aspect -- well, that's buying stuff.  After all, all the sinful acts are already prohibited by law.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:04 | 3372531 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

What's a church doing with $100 million?  Aren't they supposed to give that away to the needy and poor?

"Curse those responsible".... lol....  Had they given the money away like all those who donated understood as such, there would be no "cursing".  Seems everyone is hoarding cash these days.


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:07 | 3372561 jaap
jaap's picture

Here is a lesson: spend it on the poor, do not stimulate the banksters by giving it to them (e.g. put it in a bank account).

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:34 | 3372733 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

There weren't any real poor on Cyprus until this fiasco hit. The expression that they shoud sit on a stool apparently means that they shoukd be brought to justice ( sit in the dock).

My guess is that there will be retribution sought for what has happened.

My bigger guess is that Cypriots will bounce back unless Europe has more knives to stick in their back.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:40 | 3372767 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Perhaps a two-legged stool on top of a preesure release trap door with a noose around their neck. It can be built in the courtroom by all means...

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:54 | 3372838 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

i agree and the trap door can allow them a quick entry to hell.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:28 | 3373033 toys for tits
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Jesus put up with a lot of assholes when he was on earth including his own apostles; the Pharisees; Satan; and his killers.

The only group that he displayed righteous anger against were the money changers (bankers).

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 17:25 | 3374222 giggler123
giggler123's picture

I guess lunch is on the Russians than.  You know even if it were just fish and red wine I'm sure the Church will be able to make it go around.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:55 | 3372849 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Touchdown.  These things need to be taxed like the businesses they are...  If you're going to talk the talk, then walk the walk...  All I see around here is an arms race as to which church can build the biggest monument to god, while going into debt to do so...  leaving the poor in the cold in the process.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:09 | 3372575 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

if they lost 100 mm or 40% they still have a 150 mm to NOT give to the needy and poor.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:13 | 3372610 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

the church will now have to step up their drive "donate your cash for the needy and poor" so the clergy can accumulate $100MM on the side line again

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:42 | 3373126 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

I don't see why these bishops are complaining. Isn't this just part of God's plan? If someone must "sit on the stool" then surely it should be God.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:56 | 3372507 redpill
redpill's picture

The executive team of Popular and BoC should be held personally liable for the losses as it was their decision to invest heavily in Greek bonds.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:56 | 3372856 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

My friend I agree, but you forget that the European banks which did the same thing got bailed out.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:12 | 3372947 Urban Redneck
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At the (well paid & often double dealing) advice of GS...


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:52 | 3372486 cifo
cifo's picture

Pretty rich church. (One would think the church should be a not-for-profit organization.)

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:51 | 3372442 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



And Jesus said,

17 Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?

18 But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?

19 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.

20 And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?

21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.

22 When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:56 | 3372508 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Dear God..

Isn’t it way past time for you to be doing a little righteous smiting on some evil doers down here?

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:56 | 3372859 unrulian
unrulian's picture

Patience my son....

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:16 | 3372535 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Jesus was also heard saying, "holding cash is dumb anyway. You really should be in bonds". Of course, he was just talking his book. Interestingly, he poured money into collectables. Gold crucifixes seemed like an odd choice at the time, but it worked out for both he and Paul.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:34 | 3372734 Captain Kink
Captain Kink's picture

+1 for Jesus "talking his book" 

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:18 | 3372972 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Everybody knows that Jesus saves.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:26 | 3373021 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

But Datsyuk is there for the rebound... he SHOOTS - HE SCORES!!! Nifty work by Datsyuk... Jesus never had a chance.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:08 | 3372567 Turin Turambar
Turin Turambar's picture

"They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's."

What about "Thou shall not steal?"

How is what's mine also Caesar's?  Please square that circle for me.  If Jesus is literally referring to Roman currency, does that mean that all of my non-governmental markded possessions as well as precious metals are biblically hands-off for government thieves?

Sadly, probably not.  Looters never let things like morality and rationalism interfere with their self-serving, confiscatory ways.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:20 | 3372655 sansnobel
sansnobel's picture

I think what Jesus meant was , Decide who your God is!!!!!!!!!  Is it that idiot who has fashioned himself into a God and put his image on the coin or is Your God Money or the concept of Money itself?

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:31 | 3372719 hedgeless_horseman
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The things you own end up owning you.

~Tyler Durden

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:42 | 3372786 TruthHunter
TruthHunter's picture

What about "Thou shall not steal?"

How is what's mine also Caesar's?


The point of discussion was taxation. the context, sedition, or at least tax resistance.  Perhaps

you aren't comfortable with the idea that not all taxation is theft?

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:53 | 3372837 Charles Wilson
Charles Wilson's picture

"What about "Thou shall not steal?"

How is what's mine also Caesar's?"

That's the Joke.  The Flavians set it up that way.

Caesar is "Lord of the Earth".  The coin is already Caesar's and everything else is as well.  When you "render unto Caesar...", you are merely giving him what he already owns - EVERYTHING.


It's a JOKE.  The Cypriots are just the Butt of this one this time but there will be many others.

There always are.



Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:28 | 3373031 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Someone has a different opinion: http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig11/barr-j1.1.1.html

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:37 | 3373100 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Good link.  Thanks.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 19:54 | 3374782 Turin Turambar
Turin Turambar's picture

Excellent link!  Thanks!

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 19:57 | 3374792 Turin Turambar
Turin Turambar's picture

ALL taxation is theft.  If it were voluntary instead of confiscatory, it would be called a donation.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:11 | 3372586 JR
JR's picture

And Jesus said,

16 “Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gold of the temple is bound by that oath.

17 You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 

23 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.

24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

25 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:58 | 3372866 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Love this one.. J.C., The Original Jerry Maguire ..Show me the money..
19 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:02 | 3372893 asteroids
asteroids's picture

In short the Troika stole from the church. This is pure evil. They will all surely rot in hell. God will have the final judgement.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 15:14 | 3373712 resurger
resurger's picture


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 19:34 | 3374679 trader1
trader1's picture

They showed Jesus a gold piece and said to him: Caesar's men demand tribute from us. He said to them: What belongs to Caesar, give to Caesar; what belongs to God, give to God; and what is mine, give it to me.


Mon, 03/25/2013 - 12:45 | 3372798 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

I guess the church didn't expect their money would be taken, it's getting ugly. lololololololololol

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 13:21 | 3372991 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Actually that church had pledged all its assests for a Cyprus bail out other than the Troika's, which is a lot of assets since it is the largest landholder in Cyprus.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:38 | 3372407 Perpetual Burn
Perpetual Burn's picture

Yeah they brain wash people instead.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:42 | 3372436 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

What kind of church stockpiles $100 million?

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:45 | 3372449 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

The catlick church probably has 100 billion including slums as assets. Collect from you, keep for them. Good times.

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:47 | 3372457 jcaz
jcaz's picture

A small one...

Mon, 03/25/2013 - 11:53 | 3372487 GlobalCtzn
GlobalCtzn's picture

Every damn one of them that can. The Vatican probably pulls that kind of coin every damn day. We can all take comfort in knowing that it is consistently put to good use...........




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