Fill In The Blanks

Tyler Durden's picture

* * * Cue to Diesel-Boom, sitting in his desk, phone ringing: Ring Ring Ring * * *

Diesel-BOOM: "Hello.... Oh Hi Goldman, how are the tentacles hang.."

* * * Interrupted... screaming heard in earpiece * * *

Diesel-BOOM: "You want me to do what... You want me to RETRACT an on the record interview with two major publications... But...But..."

* * * Interrupted again... Long silence... listening intently.... Beads of sweat forming on forehead * * *

Diesel-BOOM: "Oh.... Dear Lord.... I see.... Ok Then.... Done."

* * * Click, fade to black * * *


And just in case the message was lost

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silver500's picture

There is no template, they have no idea what they are doing and they never will.

Divided States of America's picture

Diesel is def a noob who dont know how the game is played, never speak the truth.....but after being fist fucked verbally, he gets the message.


markets will be green soon.

BoNeSxxx's picture

At this point we just laugh to keep from crying... You couldn't write this shit (well, yea, most ZH'ers could).

Monkeyfister's picture

The world is run by the stupidest, most pathological people on the planet. They want templates to make it easy, but their little self-created monster is a slippery one.

Ranger4564's picture

It is God's work if they are diligently paving the way for the coming of the Anti Christ and the second coming.

Longtermnotreally's picture

Is anything these turds have to say worth listening to? (rethorical question)

Alea Iactaest's picture

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master - - that's all."

WTF_247's picture

He said what he said until they saw how the markets percieved it.  Then a few screaming phone calls later from several central banks it was decided that he did not actually say that and he needed to retract it.

Of course the media is only too happy to comply, as are the algo bots who look for any excuse to go risk-on again.

Nothing To See Here's picture

Even if he said it, he is soon going to be blackmailed. Some tax problem in his family, some mental illness associated to his grand-parents, a difficult childhood... All in all, he was not mentally well when he said it, and he needs a break. He will be offered a "leave of absence" by his masters soon enough.

McMolotov's picture

"I was for my quote before I was against it."

Tunga's picture

You can say that again!

ParkAveFlasher's picture

Who knows what goes into Twitter, what comes out of Twitter, and who sees what.  It's very easy to isolate someone from "their own" tweets and posts, if you think about it.

DutchR's picture

Honey would fit, so does Fuck Me,

css1971's picture

I did kinda wonder if he'd really said what he really said out loud... Clearly it only happened in a parallel universe and the quantum tunnelling only made it look like he said it. Couldn't possibly have been said out loud here.


Much like the attorney general character last night in THE GOOD WIFE...

"It doesn't seem reasonable that I would hit you, so it must not have happened"

After cold cocking his political opponent and knocking him to the bathroom floor.

mdtrader's picture

Damage is done. Confidence in the EU and Euro is being eroded by the minute.

WTF_247's picture

Does not matter - algo's have control of futures again and will bring them positive.  You can see the violent turn and hold.  Eventually they will be done but it looks like yet another BTFD day.  It will not shift until funds decide to lighten up risk vs continuing to add risk.

One key to that will be a sell day (< -0.5%) that follows through the next day without a rescue.  We have not had one of those in over 4 months.

magpie's picture

"We have ways of making Stolper go long the tulip trade"

mammoth mo's picture

If he didn't really meant it - he really didn't say it.  Everyone knows that.  What he meant to say was run for your lives.

toys for tits's picture

The invisible bank runs are happening.

WTF_247's picture

Amazing thing is actual bank runs would likely be viewed as positive by the markets based on the shit logic they use these days.  Bank run = banks need capital to back the gambling they do = Fed does QE^2 = market to new highs.

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Did they get anymoar Spiderman towels in?

Monkeyfister's picture

That idea is so damned sick, it's already greed- errr... green-lined to the top of the list. 

For The Win!!!

Legolas's picture

Anybody witnessing this?  I can't imagine the ATM's are quiet right now.

kaiserhoff's picture

I didn't say half the things I've said.

                          Yogi Berra

Monkeyfister's picture

Gobbless Yogi Berra, wherever he is. He had an answer for at least half of everything!

MS7's picture

He's alive and hopefully well and uttering some more classics.

Ancona's picture

Is Honey Boo Boo on tonight or the Kardashians?

Piranhanoia's picture

No, they are now ambassadors for Amsterdam's red light district and are on a hole tour.

hungarianboy's picture

Who has the voice recording? This is simply EPIC fail from MR head of Eurogroup :D


Dr. Kananga's picture

"Listen cupcake--retract and clarify, or else you'll be on a plane tonight with a 6' 4" 300 lb Samoan named Brunca whose hobby is going to be you."

Jonas Parker's picture

"Listen cupcake--retract and clarify, or else you'll be on a plane tonight with a 6' 4" 300 lb Russian gangster named Vlad whose hobby is going to be you."


There, fixed it for you...

mayhem_korner's picture



For the first time in my adult life, I have witnessed a heartfelt and sincere tweet.

Dr. Engali's picture

Whew...crisis averted..BTFD.

Mercury's picture

These aren't  "models and templates" you moron, they are supposed to be the EU's binding rules and regs.

So, just to be clear, EU citizens in all member countries now know:

      1. Their money is not safe:  

Part of the EU deposit-guarantee scheme now includes EU authorities seizing your deposits to avert a bank failure which would...cause deposit insurance to be paid out.  This particular scenario was not included in the 2010 press release announcing enhanced “consumer protection” in this area. 

The actual (adopted) proposal stated:  All banks throughout the EU would provide a uniform level of protection to depositors – whether citizens or small businesses.

       2. Unelected bureaucrats can implement capital controls contrary to what is explicitly stated in The EU's founding document  to wit:


Article 26, p.59


The internal market shall comprise an area without internal frontiers in which the free movement of goods, persons, services and capital is ensured in accordance with the provisions of the Treaties.


 And p.71


Within the framework of the provisions set out in this Chapter, all restrictions on the movement of capital between Member States and between Member States and third countries shall be prohibited.

Hat tip:  Marla

Dr. Kananga's picture

You didn't get the EU memo this morning? The Euro was replaced by the Klepto.

resurger's picture

I just finished my PMS.

Water Is Wet's picture

A crappy skit, a chart with made-up reasons scribbled on it, and a Twitter reference.  Fucking Win.

gjp's picture

Sorry you weren't sufficiently entertained tough guy.  A comic response to a (tragi)comic farce seems appropriate to me.

AcidRastaHead's picture

Oh and he forgot to say "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain"

TumblingDice's picture

This is actually hilarious. It's like these people are forgetting how to lie. They don't know which lie people want to hear.

Yeah I just got off the phone with GS, I guess this is about the templ...yeah so Cyprus wasn't actually a grand success?.... Sure I guess bankrupt banks and deposit levies are not a good example of us handling the situation?... Not actually a good template?..... I see. I guess I'll have to put the ministry of truth on the case. Yes, yes I know you lost money. Alright...yeah.. alright go fuck yourself too Jamie.

Oldwood's picture

Its worse than that. They don't even care because they know the media can change the words and meanings over night, if not minutes. 1984

Jonas Parker's picture

Could we say that the markets got "diesel-banged"?