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"We Are Not Making This Up"

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by Mark J. Grant, author of Out of the Box,

Flying Pigs
After the Dutch Finance Minister indicated that Cyprus would be a template for future European bail-outs there was a lot of consternation. Senior debt was hit and bank accounts were confiscated in Cyprus and the plan just seems lovely for future problems. The notion that the second largest bank in Cyprus went belly up on its own is just not the truth and so the argument that depositors are responsible for where they put their money is not even applicable!
The nation of Cyprus was in trouble, Germany and the rest did not want to pick up the whole tab to bail them out, they had the ECB threaten to pull the funding and forced the bank closure so that they could use the depositor's money to help pay off the loan to the country. There was no "due process," no judicial review and the bank's actual creditors will get zero so let's at least deal with the reality of what happened and not try to paint it as something else.
Then this morning the 20%-40% seizure of the depositor's money, which was the range that had been discussed, was now admitted by the Finance Minister in Cyprus today to be more like an 80% expropriation and a timeline to get any money back of six to eight years. This is, I suspect, because while the banks were closed in Cyprus that they were still open in Greece and Britain so that certain monies crept out during the night, and probably big money, so that the banks in Cyprus are in far worse condition than previously thought or admitted.
Then, of course, because the EU Finance Ministers were not going to meet again and re-open this fiasco; more money had to be seized from the depositors. Now the Dutch Finance Minister chaired the meeting on Cyprus. He was the one that directed the entire affair on Cyprus and the template that he revealed was fist denied then admitted, then denied by the ECB and confusion reigned supreme. Now here comes the first pig; the representatives of the Eurozone finance ministries released a document this morning stating that Cyprus was not the template for future bail-outs. I suppose it was initially written in German and translated into English however they must have forgotten to translate it into Dutch. This is because when the Dutch Finance Minister was asked about this document, and he is the Chairman of the Finance Minister group remember; he said he knew nothing about the document.
I am not making this up. My imagination is good but not this good.
It has finally happened; the pigs are flying!
The good news this morning is that we already know which country is going down next. That country is Luxembourg. We know this because the Foreign Minister of Luxembourg, Jean Asselborn, told Reuters yesterday that "Germany does not have the right to decide on the business model for other countries in the EU. It must not be the case that under the cover of financially technical issues other countries are choked." Now Luxembourg is not so far different than Cyprus. They have a large financial sector, a lenient tax structure and a lot of foreign money. They have just also spoken out again the ubermeisters in Berlin which is not permitted under the EU treaty somewhere I am sure.
Next up---Luxembourg.
It was then reported this morning that the Cyprus Central Bank Governor, Panicos Demetriades, summoned the Bank of Cyprus CEO this morning and asked him to resign. Let me guess; the new Administrator will be Franz Stupenmeister or some name of that ilk. Then the European Parliament President just said that the way "the Cyprus case was handled is no way to do business in the EU." I don't know; the Press must have gotten it wrong. It must not have been the EU that handled the Cyprus fiasco, it must have been Mongolia and no one has told us yet.
The pigs are flying I tell you; the pigs are flying.
To top all of this off, the cherry on the whipped cream, the banks of Cyprus just re-opened in Greece this morning. I don't know, the flights from Moscow to Athens must be jammed. There are no capital controls in Greece so you can take out what money you like while the banks in Cyprus are still closed and now subject to capital controls. "Sense" and her brethren "logical," "rational" and "coherent" must have all departed from Europe in a huff. No one could make this up; no one.
"Mother of God! Flying Pigs!"
                  -The Eagle Has Landed


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Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:22 | 3380803 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Anybody who is keeping their money with these thieves deserves to get raped.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:25 | 3380825 ACP
ACP's picture

"Deserves got nothin' to do with it."

They WILL get raped.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:28 | 3380843 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

The Careless Whisper FUNNIEST HEADLINE OF THE MORNING and Threadjacking


"JPMorgan Chase Faces Full-Court Press Of Federal Investigations"  ... NY Times (h/t ZH Frontrunning)

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:28 | 3380847 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

We are rapidly approaching the point where we can no longer deny the need for a global government. National currencies have worked well up until now, but they lack structure and a unified monetary policy. We cannot have a united stable economy without predictable and uniform monetary policy across the nation states. It’s time for a global currency, and a global central bank, combined with a global government to enact super national fiscal and monetary policy across the globe. We live in a globalized world, and our current governing institutions are simply not fit for our global economy.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:31 | 3380854 EmmittFitzhume
EmmittFitzhume's picture

God you suck!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:38 | 3380886 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

MDB....i sure hope your grandpa didnt fight in a war to prevent what you're wishing for....poor guy must be rolling over in his grave.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:44 | 3380927 espirit
espirit's picture

MDB... Pushing for GOLD to be the basis for universal currency is something I finally agree with you on point.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:54 | 3380965 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Not gold. A new currency. You will still have your national currencies, but their rate of exchange with the new global currency will be fixed daily by a board of independent experts. Similar to how LIBOR rates are set today.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:55 | 3380987 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:21 | 3381131 negative rates
negative rates's picture

A little high test weed should bring him back to earth, if we actually here from him after that.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:04 | 3381334 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Boris is once to find weed growing in neighbor garden (garden is soil box on balcony) and is look to make good tea. While roasting for tea, Boris entire family is get munchies.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:34 | 3382299 Joe moneybags
Joe moneybags's picture

Tyler, give Boris his own column.  He's ten time better than Graham summers.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:21 | 3381137 Atlas_shrugging
Atlas_shrugging's picture

MDB rules.  Hilarious how many times you suckers get sucked in.  Laugh, and laugh loud.  It's our only feel-good in a time of awfulness

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:33 | 3381214 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Suckers?  Sure it's a regular chuckle-fest around here but what isn't funny is that there are legions of bipeds walking around today who share MDB's philosophy and think they are right.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:53 | 3381739 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

That's what makes MDB so damn funny....

NOBODY shares "MDB's" philosophy but globalist oligarchs and their mouthpieces....

MDB satirizes the mouthpiece line and SOOOO many ZH'ers (yes, Suckers) fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME...sputtering, foaming and flaming in protest instead of LAUGHING.

MDB is one of my favorite ZH posters but he also shows up a large % of the ZH commentariat as being rather DULL.

Judging by his typical Red to Green ratio it's about 3:1 (shudder)

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:23 | 3381402 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You should see the suckers taken in by one "Dr Paul Krugman." Even hooked the Limerick King last night due to the tangential fact that "he knows that Krug reads ZH."

While it started out as teh funnay, it's fast getting depressing that a label and an avatar pic could sway soooo many.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 13:04 | 3381796 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture


i thought Krug was a spoofer at first too ("he has to be") but i saw a heated exchange between Krug and some ZH'ers last week...

Based on that, I believe Krugman is actually a TRUE FAN of the real Nobel prize winning putz.

(or a true fan of Andy Kaufman, who could be counted on to take a spoof well beyond "the wink" into an uncomfortable borderland between reality and entertainment).

Either way, Krug doesn't do anything for me...doesn't rile, doesn't amuse.

MDB stands alone as the supreme satiricist of ZH

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:57 | 3380995 the show
the show's picture

Haha, even your reasoning is troll-ish. "Like Libor". You mean LIE-bor, the scheme that banks were caught fixing? You moron. You troll. And no, they are not mutually exclusive.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:57 | 3380997 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

So long as fraud is the status quo, possession will be the law.  Sorry troll, unless the moral hazard is addressed and your new monetary system cannot be gamed by a select few (like LIBOR) things will continue to deteriorate.  Real consequences for unethical and bad behavior will be restored, one way or another.  Roll the mother fucking guillotines already.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:01 | 3381006 bichat
bichat's picture

If the euro (european currency) is not working I don't see how a global currency could be efficient...

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:22 | 3381134 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

If something doesn't work, do it harder. If national currencies don't work try an international currency (the Euro). If that turns out to be a bigger disaster than national currencies,  try a world wide currency. Then the whol world can go broke at the same time instead of one little country.

We don't need bigger political organizations, we need honest ones. National currencies would be fine if politicians and bankers were honest or at least far sighted enough not to burn the system until they burn it down.

But work is for suckers and governments can borrow and spend more money every year without ever paying any of it back. As long as the slick trick, the quick fix and the gimmick are the basis of our political and financial system we will go on lurching from one crisis to another.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:53 | 3381525 alex_g
alex_g's picture

National currencies have an exchange rate, and participants get to vote everyday.  When profligate states engaged in bad fiscal policy, it's citizens were rewarded with a high interest rate, falling currency and a standard of living comisurate with their productivity.  

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:25 | 3381173 moonman
moonman's picture

I suggest the independent experts be 50% bankers 50% politicians and the rest can be made up of "super special electorates" that the people elect online thru their xbox

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:33 | 3381218 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

WTF, dude?  Are you stupid or retarded?  This is bullshit.  

Any independent experts culled together to set local currency values that does not include the reigning champions of Survivor, American Idol, and Hell's Kitchen will lead to certain revolt.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 13:26 | 3381902 DOT
DOT's picture

You are on to it, Argo. I could sugest a game/ reality show with CB reps. bidding on suitcases containing FX ratios. Would be hilarious to see the Euro end up at parity with the Kwn!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:21 | 3382233 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

Well played.  Dammit!  I should have thought of that...

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 20:07 | 3383691 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

How much would that be in Quatloos? :>D

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:30 | 3382275 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Culled together? Epic Freudian slip!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:38 | 3381232 Going Loco
Going Loco's picture

"Similar to how LIBOR rates are set today."

Well done MDB. One of the best yet. Keep it up.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:24 | 3381658 deKevelioc
deKevelioc's picture

Please stop, MDB!  My gut is killing me.  I think I have a hernia, now.  I especillay like the "board of independent experts."

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:12 | 3381061 ciscokid1
ciscokid1's picture


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:35 | 3380869 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

++1 DoublePlusGood

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:36 | 3380875 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Not time for that yet...God will let you know when.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:42 | 3380915 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

That time will be Nov. 2016 when Hillary is elected.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:55 | 3380977 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Those fucking Clintons are worse than the Bushes.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:36 | 3380876 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Can we get RFID chipped too?  That would be sweet.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:54 | 3381530 espirit
espirit's picture

There is a new "petite" Rfid chip on the market now.  Buy one, get your spouse done free at the local Humane Society.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:32 | 3382288 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

So you're saying I married a dog? Dick.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:28 | 3381677 LongBalls
LongBalls's picture

It's in the health care bill. Page 1501 is the begining. Class II versus Class III device mandated at the will of the Secretary.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:37 | 3380881 asteroids
asteroids's picture

Too much debt, too much credit, and an asteroid of CDS's ready to crash on your head MDB. I suspect Cyprus's $13B is really closer to $100B with the appropriate leverage.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:38 | 3380891 jimijon
jimijon's picture

Hasn't that always been the plan? There really has only been one problem with that scenario... the USA. We love our soveriegnity and our guns. And with the advent of the Internet, the message can no longer be managed. This will get very exciting and soon.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:24 | 3381158 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

Ah bullshit. If the Americans haven't pushed back against the pushing around they have taken for the last 25 years they never will. The Constitutionis just a damn piece of paper and nobody gives a rat's ass.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:41 | 3380912 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Right.  Because this continent-wide currency has worked so well I can only imagine how well it would work if we did it on a global basis.  Should be paradise.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:44 | 3380920 joak
joak's picture

lol... they tried that in Europe a couple of years ago, what we hear is that it's not going so well.

In other words, you say : "globalization fails because of not enough globalization". I see, like the cocaine addict does not feel good because of unsufficient doses I guess. 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:47 | 3380942 agent default
agent default's picture

I don't recall having a referendum or anything along those lines before this living in a "Globalized World" bullshit started being paraded around as a foregone conclusion. Who decided this?  Who's approval did they explicitly get?  Under what authority have they torn down sovereignty? 

You will be amazed how fast a piece of rope and a tree can change this "Globalized World" doctrine.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:28 | 3381425 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

The progressive elites gave themselves approval. What was it Mayor Bloomberg recently said, something like ""I do think there certain times when we should infringe on your freedom." 

Just like they gave themselves approval to overturn the voters in California on Prop 8. Just like they gave themselves (well, the pressident at least) the power to be judge, jury and executioner. Just like they gave themselves power to ban raw milk, homeowners' gardens, etc., here in the USSA. 

As long as they have the most firepower, they will get their way.


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:52 | 3380949 the show
the show's picture

Check out this guys track record... Troll!. When trolling, you fed slave, at least don't be so obvious. And dude, if u think being an obedient slave will garner you favors, take a look at history. Once hitler was done with the brown shirts, they were the next to go because they knew the secrets. Join a side and know who you're aligning with, troll.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:53 | 3380972 Darkside
Darkside's picture

This is exactly the way of thinking the power elite want. To get there, there WILL be allot of bloodshed.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:59 | 3381001 howenlink
howenlink's picture

A global central bank?  The bankers don't have enough brainpower to run a successful lemonade stand.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:07 | 3381037 RSDallas
RSDallas's picture

MillionDollar, you are a Dumb Ass! What is next One Supreme Leader? I have no doubt that this is indeed a primary goal of many. This however is where I believe the US Citizen begins earnestly and for the first time since the constitution was adopted, enforcing his constitutional rights.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:13 | 3381076 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Satire/Sarcasm works best when it's almost believeable. Good work MBD?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:16 | 3381097 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

Holy shit.  When did all the commenters on ZH become so fucking stupid?  Maybe this place has jumped the shark.  Too bad....


If you can't see the sarcasm in MDB's posts, then you should get back to your 3rd grade public school class.  

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:22 | 3381143 moonman
moonman's picture

MDB at his best

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:37 | 3381228 sm0k4
sm0k4's picture

C'mon, the real MDB was better. These are too obvious.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:59 | 3381312 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

It always amazes me that there are actually real humans beings that think like MDB. There aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe your general incomptence, naivete for those that wish to rule you and complete ignorance for what history has taught us. I'd say I feel bad for you, but I've seen too many of your comments for that.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:06 | 3381340 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

We need global cooperation rather than global government.

Any global central bank would have to be limited to performing mathematical calculations to determine exchange rates into the international trade currency. That is all the power they get. They get no policy decision making power.


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:19 | 3381388 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Best Troll on ZH!

No matter how outrageously phoney the post, and this one is beyond the beyond, you can still stir up the rabble...

Staying on topic and thread-jacking at the same time is one twisted genius.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:43 | 3381480 richard in norway
richard in norway's picture

I liked your posts better when you were less openly sarcastic. Come on make me believe that you are serious

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:45 | 3381488 geotrader
geotrader's picture

Who the f*** are you?  No one can be that stupid.  Next thing you'll say everyone needs to take *the* mark.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 22:58 | 3384161 twotraps
twotraps's picture

Exactly, how does he do that shit time and again?.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:22 | 3381645 deKevelioc
deKevelioc's picture

This man, MDB, is indeed precious.  Please don't leave us.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:52 | 3381752 theprofromdover
theprofromdover's picture

MDB, no hope for you, your typing fingers refuse to take orders from your brain.

global government????? there should be 500 governments, that way no-one can get too much power to abuse the 'system' .

Once Texas secedes, and a dozen or so others follow, the loose alliance that will be the USA will become 1 million times better and we'll all be happy.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 22:58 | 3384156 twotraps
twotraps's picture

How do you do it? At first I thought it was a great wind up for all us ... Now you're worrying me.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 22:58 | 3384157 twotraps
twotraps's picture

How do you do it? At first I thought it was a great wind up for all us ... Now you're worrying me.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:18 | 3381635 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

I can really appreciated the word "misled" substitued for the more aptly described "lied". 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:37 | 3381235 crito
crito's picture

are you quoting The Wire on purpose?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:27 | 3380842 Irelevant
Irelevant's picture

Amen to that!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:35 | 3380868 Passage
Passage's picture

How about Switzerland? Their banks even spared them the horrors of WWII. Tax havens around the globe had an easy life by whoring their banking sectors.

Any chance for them to become the next Iceland or Cyprus?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:01 | 3381009 redpill
redpill's picture

The Swiss are not in the Euro for one, so no.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:10 | 3381049 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Swiss banks profited highly from WWII and from dictators, drug money, etc. onwards. Switzerland is not easy to attack. There are secrets caves in the mountains everywhere. There was even a scandal some years ago about some secret army. Many Swiss have weapons. Nevertheless, the US demanded and got data on US depositors in Switzerland under the threat of closing Swiss bank offices in the US.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:57 | 3381298 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

so,....what's the take-away here?  what are you trying the say?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:01 | 3381324 Passage
Passage's picture

Capital flight will bring them down.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:34 | 3381446 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No! It's pigs flying! And there goes a pile of capital flying by, too!

I'm getting airsick from this article.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:21 | 3380805 RacerX
RacerX's picture

wow didn't see that one coming.


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:21 | 3380806 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

How are your bartering skills?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:22 | 3380810 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Unconfirmed * denied = Confirmed.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:47 | 3380940 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

They were for it before they were against it..... (before they were for it again, after which they were against it, during which time they were for it, immediately preceeding the time they were against it, overall being for it in principle while not fully supporting it, all subject to individual circumstances and conditions.  Your mileage may vary.)

See, it's a lot simpler than your highly complex math equation.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:23 | 3380813 agent default
agent default's picture

Running around like headless chicken.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:33 | 3380815 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

Pigs, Donkeys, Elephants; we're getting fucking animal farmed. Confessions of economic animal hit men. 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:24 | 3380818 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

OK everyone, we finally GOT this shit! See, when us kleptocrats run out of money again, we'll simply seize the publics bank accounts! Problem SOLVED I tell ya!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:25 | 3380822 Doode
Doode's picture

There is no logical reason for Luxemburg being next from the evidence presented. Cyprus went down due to bad investments into Greece - does Lux have the same bad investments? That is what you need to look into - if they invested into Northern Europe then they are peachy fine.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:33 | 3380836 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

But then we have this, "Foreign Minister of Luxembourg, Jean Asselborn, told Reuters yesterday that "Germany does not have the right to decide on the business model for other countries in the EU. It must not be the case that under the cover of financially technical issues other countries are choked."

Even the EU Prez said something to that effect.

I think Germany with its 60-something mln populace is being played as a scapegoat here - further subjugation of Germany is the name of the game, circa 1946 onward. :)

Less Germany - means more EU after this scandal; the peasant factory population there has too much weight with that "democracy" of theirs.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:52 | 3380909 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

today the CDU issued a statement that is quite the mirror of Asselborn's. as a reminder, the CDU is the biggest conservative party in Germany, Merkel's party

in the same way in the 100+ parties that form the political landscape of europe wherever there is a sliver of doubt the same issue will be debated to form the party line, which then will translate into the 27 parliament's lines and in the EU parliament's too

what many forget - and the Anglo American financial media exploits - is that the EU and it's members have a different political structure and a different way of finding consensus - and ministers "setting policy" should be more seen as "floating ideas", as in "Mr. Euro"'s last case

I'm appalled at the political worldview of several English speaking journalists - or at the disingenuos way they "pick" their interviews without making any distinction if it's the citizen, the party member, the party representative, the minister, the government's member, the government or the parliament speaking - in Mr. Euro's case the first five could have applied

but hey, if it shakes the markets in the desired way it must be good, eh?

"next: Luxembourg" - sure, because Mr. Euro wants that, eh? And don't get me even started on "Gollum the EU President"

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:10 | 3381053 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

What a crock of shit "the EU and its members have a different way of finding consensus". That's just a piss-poor way of apologizing for atrocious management. Kohl and Mitterand may have "found consensus" on the "euro project" but they were the only ones. Notice that the actual people of these countries, the ones who must eat and work and live and die by their money, were never given the chance to vote on it.

So don't make up a bunch of complete B.S. about "the European way" of "building consensus". This is stupidity and madness and banker fascism, pure and simple.

By the way I also think the Fed's policies are utter madness and folly

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:15 | 3381081 falak pema
falak pema's picture

lets go back to good ole cops n robbers shall we! 

The real issue is : the world selon les Oligarchs vs the world selon les peuples...

And going fast down the shute for zes peuples.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:43 | 3381263 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

Insert Lord Acton quote here

Et falak la prochaine fois tu es a Sydney, allons boire un coup

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:00 | 3381315 falak pema
falak pema's picture

ah, Bondi beach, blondes n beer! 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 12:42 | 3381722 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

"atrocious management" of the Cyprus affair? no doubt

"finding consensus" - I'm sorry, if you really think that Kohl and Mitterand were the only two taking decisions than I can't agree

Note that a lot of what can be faulted on in this affair is a result of the bargaining strategy of the freshly & directly elected Cypriot President

meanwhile I read of a lot of commentators about how the Cypriot parliament has nothing to vote on - forgetting that this currently enacted plan is based on something like 9 financial laws they have produced as a preparation to the talks between June 2012 and now

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:32 | 3380848 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

The logical reason is that THEY want our shit. Where's zee money, Lebowski?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:46 | 3380938 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

Cypriot: Are these the Nazis, Panicos?

Panicos Demetriades: No, citizen, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.


(is anyone else's irony meter broken after reading 'Panicos' is the name of the Governor of the Central Bank of Cyprus?)

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:50 | 3380961 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

That did not occur to us, dude.  :-)

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:12 | 3381059 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

Shut the fuck up Donnie

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 23:01 | 3384168 andyupnorth
andyupnorth's picture


The irony is killing me!!!!

Is anyone else's irony meter broken after reading 'Panicos' is the name of the Governor of the Central Bank of Cyprus?

Panicos... Panicos... Panicos... Panicos... Panicos... Panicos... Panicos...


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:31 | 3380855 espirit
espirit's picture

An important point is WHY derivatives don't kick in?

All a sham...

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:54 | 3380981 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"gold money. Or the dollar." those are the only derivatives that work now.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:37 | 3380887 achmachat
achmachat's picture

I don't know how it is in Cyprus, but in Luxembourg, there's one gun for every three citizens.

I want to see them try that shit in Luxembourg!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:44 | 3380924 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

dream on, only 15.000 permit holders in Luxembourg and the Ministry of Justice knows where every gun is except for some relics that farmers unearth from time to time in the battlefields of the Battle of the Bulge. No Second Amendment, even pepper spray or collection knives are forbidden without a permit.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:48 | 3380944 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

But then again, there's Switzerland nearby, and those bankers know how to par-tay.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:51 | 3380958 achmachat
achmachat's picture

there might only be 15.000 permit holders. But those 15.000 permit holders have a combined official number of almost 90.000 weapons.

when people get VERY angry, those 90.000 guns won't just be used by those 15.000 permit holders.

besides... a guy who just lost all of his life's savings only needs ONE gun to vent his desperation and anger.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:28 | 3382219 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

and the Minister of Justice just needs a phone call to the Police to collect all the guns. The Minister of Justice just said that gun laws have to change to avoid a massacre like Sandy Hook.

15.000 armed but isolated individuals are not a threat to the State. On the other hand, 5000 decided men, acting together as a team, can accomplish many things with no guns.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 14:21 | 3382235 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

by the way, one third of those 90K "weapons" are swords, muskets and the like.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:12 | 3381066 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Yeah, chicago has a firearm ban, too. 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:28 | 3381102 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

You are comparing Chigaco to Switzerland?  A land of ignorant nigga's living off the state largesse compared to a land of well educated people who speak several languages and who all are required to serve in the military.  Moreover, every home is required to maintain a fully automatic assault rife and 1000 rounds of ammo.  LMFAO!!!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:29 | 3381198 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

No.  He was saying the Chicago has a "weapons ban", too, but that doesn't actually remove the weapons.  It was a refutation of some other idiots argument that the Lux-ers wouldn't be able to defend themselves because the gov't will take their guns...

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:33 | 3381217 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Yes.   Also, piss off the Lux's enough, and they'll turn into a pack of savages, too.  Heads on sticks, et al.
as in "Don't make me get mad and act like a nigga". 

When your educated, motivated, thrifty and crafty people get stepped on enough is when the really bad things start to happen.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:45 | 3381269 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

I think you are being optimistic, but it's good to see that.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:42 | 3381253 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Cyprus didn't go down because of bad investments in Greece.  

Cyprus, and the very business model on which the island depended, was intentionally "suicided" because a bunch of narcissist clowns in Northern Europe explicitely sought to DESTROY the business model, and BECAUSE THEY COULD (with fewer "apparent" consequences than if they tried the same stunt elsewhere). 

There have been Troika Trolls crawling all over the island for months, so the quantification of effects on the Cypriot banks was entirely known.  The markdown of Greek debt (to slightly less of a myth, but no more of a reality than any of the other BS banking accounting that is "acceptable" today) was entirely discretionary - and the ECB destroyed the Cypriot banking sector at its discretion.  

All this talk of making the bank creditors pay and not inverting traditional seniority is an UTTER LIE.  The biggest creditor was the ECB and it placed itself in front of depositors- instead of marking its own malinvestments in Cyrus to something closer to reality. 

By marking its own "super senior credit" at 100% it required a 1:1 ratio of either 1) new bank capital (impossible - esp  during their imposed bank holiday and capital controls) or 2) a 1:1 haircut application to the deposit base of the banks.

The ECB marked its own 9 Billion impaired investment at PAR.   Ceteris paribus this requires 9 billion in reduced depositor claims on bank assets to move the bar exactly nowhere.  Since the before the ECB got done scaring the depsoitors away from Cyprus they only demanded about 4.5 billion in reduced depositor claims to keep up the their facade of European solvency, it means that the whole bank holiday exercise was unnecessary in the first place, except if the actual purpose of the exercise was to make an "example" out of the Cypress to serve the narcissist clowns other ambitions.  


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:10 | 3381356 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

Everyone should read this as it is the best synopsis of the situation that I have seen. Nice work.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:25 | 3381416 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

From a redneck, at that!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:26 | 3380826 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

What's the matter over there. Why don't you Eurogrouper's decide on one langauge and stick to it like Canada...Oh wait!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:40 | 3380901 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

We'll have none of it around these parts.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:26 | 3380834 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

what a confidence builder

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:27 | 3380835 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Cosmic bunny hole, baby.  Gone super nova, too.

All is well...and plenty swirly.  Everything is fine...and deeeeeeep.  Systems are functioning normally....yesterday.  Luxembourg is not Cyprus....always.   


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:42 | 3380914 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Gee imagine that, endless free money actually solves nothing! Well, 'the important thing is' no Maniacal Monetizers have felt the pinch, yet.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:22 | 3380839 negative rates
negative rates's picture

And to think I almost put away my magic 90% rabbit hat. That trick is still good to last drop. Take away my 10% rabbit foot, and no one will pay to see the act anymore, moreless wait 6-8 years to possibly get your act back. This won't end well to anyone with money.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:27 | 3380841 jubber
jubber's picture

I guess any Greek in Greece lucky to have any money left just withdrew everything the last few days, wouldn't you?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:29 | 3380850 Apostate2
Apostate2's picture

“If it had grown up, it would have made a dreadfully ugly child; but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.”

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:34 | 3380858 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture




I am certain there is one language depositers know, regardless of their native language:

Au, Ag and Pb.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:37 | 3380878 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

True true. They will take over from the dead languages of CDS, CDO and the like.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:39 | 3380892 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

And Pt, if possible.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:33 | 3380859 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Yeah, no one could have made it up... Not even an 'american'.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:32 | 3380860 Rusty Trombone
Rusty Trombone's picture

MOAR !!!  MOAR!!!


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:35 | 3380870 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

European leadership is in disarray.

They remind me of someone who tries to clear a minefield by walking backwards.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:36 | 3380879 Rusty Trombone
Rusty Trombone's picture

Welp . Just invested in another 10k of 22LR, 3k of 5.56 , and 2k of .45ACP.  Strangely enough that market doesn't tank every morning at 8:20 EST.


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:58 | 3381302 HellFish
HellFish's picture

Not sure I believe you just because no one can find ammo at those volumes in retail.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 13:49 | 3382032 Rusty Trombone
Rusty Trombone's picture

You don't have to believe me. And yes you can if you know where to lookand are quick on the trigger. Mind you, I've done this all in the last week. Just added another 5k .22 at 4.1 cents per round and another 2k of Wolf .223 at .26 per round before noon today.


Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:37 | 3380882 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

80% seizure ? he's only talking about today right ?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:45 | 3380923 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

SURE! -80% of deposits today....but tomorrow it's all good again. After all, we've got the home base of the Maniacal Monetizers and FREE MONEEZ which solve everything and give us all-time highs.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:38 | 3380888 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Juncker getting junckered in "when things get serious you lie" charade bite-back?

"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS " as the man said ! 

John McEnroe - You Cannot Be Serious - YouTube

You can’t be serious!

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:38 | 3380896 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Orwell's Animal Farm.  Two sets of rules.  Everyone is equal - but some are more equal than others.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:52 | 3380969 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Add in 1984, The Matrix, and the Hunger Games, and you about have it.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:25 | 3381164 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

When you put The Matrix in with Animal Farm and 1984, I was going to give you a pass.  But Hunger Games?  WTF?


Why stop your list there?  You should include Steel Magnolias, Thelma and Louise, and Slapstick...

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:41 | 3381248 fuu
fuu's picture

The Hanson Brothers were just a metaphor for the Troika.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:50 | 3381286 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

That sir, has earned you +1.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 16:58 | 3383001 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

It was Slapshot, not Slapstick.....thats the movie with the Hanson brothers.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 17:34 | 3383203 fuu
fuu's picture

I just figured he meant Slapshot since there is no movie named "Slapstick" in IMDB.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:43 | 3380916 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

This was so clearly part of the deal to get the Russian buy-in. And it's so simple - just keep the bank branches open in foreign countries and (wink, wink) only let certain parties know this will happen beforehand. The locals in Cyprus won't happen to be in England or Greece for the most part when the shit hits the fan, but Russian oligarchs can hop in their G5's and bada-bing their money can be easily transferred.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:45 | 3380928 laomei
laomei's picture

The question now of course, is how long will the larger fraud continue?

As bad as the EU is, it's not like the US is any better... many of the problems in the EU actually being caused by the US banks.  Do you believe for an instant that they don't shit in their own pool?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:02 | 3381018 GCT
GCT's picture

Lao good observation but I will add almost all country's of the world run the same scheme regardless of the type of national government.  The real world government has already begun and it is called money and bankers. 

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:49 | 3380953 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

When you are a foreign government official and you have access to wire services there is a lot of money to be made when you "Buy, then Deny".

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:49 | 3380954 mendigo
mendigo's picture

I think the idea might be they let you transfer your funds into a Greek bank when bam! they pounce on it. Animal spirits

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:49 | 3380960 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Where's the fuckin' silver at Bernanke, you stupid motherfucker!   You're supposed to be beating it down as cover for this collapse in the Euro, as if something based on nothing could really collapse LOL.  Now remember, you dumbass piece of shit, wait until flight to safety boosts deposits in the US to start stealing it outright here.  After that you'll probably have to let gold go, but that's the sacrifices a central banker has to make sometimes, you brown-nosing dirtbag shithead fuckface asshole.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:55 | 3380985 100pcDredge
100pcDredge's picture

What's so shocking about flying pigs? I mean it's not a new phenomenon, is it?

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 09:55 | 3380988 mendigo
mendigo's picture

But I think you should give this template thing a rest - its not the guys natural language and I think he has attempting to say happy bureucratic things but by "template" he meant it was a model of cooperation. True its more fun to believe otherwise but there is enough good stuff here without bringing the 'Boom.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:05 | 3381029 Lewshine
Lewshine's picture

Here we are again, talking about the issues of world finance as though anything were left to chance, or might make a slight difference. Here it is in a "nutshell":

Crooks run the whole show, without fear of reprisal, the Fed algos will rescue ANY type of equity selloff whether shallow or deep while ALWAYS running stocks to higher levels, precious metals will continue to be crushed - and the only thing that will change between today and tomorrow will be whether Tyler chooses bold headline print or not to explain different but always similiar economic stories, with the exact same outcome.

If that doesn't describe the futility of both reading and posting on this site - Nothing will.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:17 | 3381096 Vuke
Vuke's picture

You didn't make all this up on your own.  Government helped.  Now, do you see why we need so much of it?  Someone, presumably another level of government, has to fix this, then another level to fix the fix.

We're all government now, at least until it collapses.

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 10:26 | 3381178 They Tried to S...
They Tried to Steal My Gold's picture

Luxemborg needs to do a pre emptive strike.....Threaten to leave the EURO IMMEDIATELY unless certain guidelines for them are in place....


Ofcourse LEAVING IMMEDIATELY would be the most prudent thing....

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:23 | 3381404 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

Pick one:

1) this is an ingeniously and meticulously planned engineered destruction of the Eurozone

2) this is a stunning, fantastic display of epic incompetence

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:35 | 3381454 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

You left off

3) lying kleptocrats will eat their own, then their own children, before admitting they were ever wrong

Wed, 03/27/2013 - 11:54 | 3381528 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

he! I called Luxembourg to break down 2 weeks ago when nobody said it was possible :)

and yet...

banking is 5 to 13 times bigger than the economy without any real production gdp.

after that, we go to the country who nobody ever mentions : MONACO!

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