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And Scene: Big Cypriot Depositors Facing Complete Wipe Out

Tyler Durden's picture


9.9%? 30%? 60%? 80%? Nope - according to the latest from Reuters, the cash-on-cash return to all uninsured depositors in the healthy, i.e., only remaining big Cyprus bank, will be a big, fat doughnut.

In what appears to be drastically worse than many had hoped (and expected), uninsured depositors in Cyprus' largest bank stand to get no actual cash back from their initial deposit as the plan (expected to be announced tomorrow) is:

  • 22.5% of the previous cash deposit gone forever (pure haircut)
  • 40% of the previous cash deposit will receive interest (but will never be repaid),
  • and the remaining 37.5% of the previous cash deposit will be swapped into equity into the bank (a completely worthless bank that is of course.)

So, theoretically this is 62.5% haircut but once everyone decides to 'sell' their shares to reconstitute some cash then we would imagine it will be far greater. Furthermore, at what valuation will the 37.5% equity be allocated (we suspect a rather aggressive mark-up to 'market' clearing levels).

Critically though, there is no cash. None. If you had EUR150,000 in the bank last week (net of insured deposits which may well be impaired before all is said and done) you now have EUR0,000 to draw on! But will earn interest on EUR60,000 (though we do not know at what rate); and own EUR56,250 worth of Bank of Cyprus shares (the same bank that will experience the slow-burn leak of capital controlled outflows).

It seems, just as we warned, that the deposit outflow leakage that we discussed did indeed weaken the situation of the large banks significantly.

As Reuters adds, the toughening of the terms will send a clear signal that the bailout means the end of Cyprus as a hub for offshore finance and could accelerate economic decline on the island and bring steeper job losses.


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Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3390125 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Come on Cyprus Parliament, grow a pair and tell the Troika to fuck off.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3390141 udecker
udecker's picture

I read somewhere else "how is it possible that the Cypriot banks haven't burned to the ground and politicians and bankers aren't hanging from streetlamps?"

My question: how is this, in any way, acceptable?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:57 | 3390162 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

You mean hanging the bankers or taking the money, or both?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:04 | 3390207 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

And thus we see, boys and girls, how statists get from your money to their money with ne'er a single shot fired.  Boiling frogs, all.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:13 | 3390243 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

did they get to keep the towels....they will be good for the tears....

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:20 | 3390279 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I have no idea what's going to happen in Euro-land, and I don't want to know,

but I'm pretty sure a handful of well placed snipers could turn this situation on a dime.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:32 | 3390325 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

Bankers get 100% Bonus;

Depositors get Zero.

Signs of the times.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:59 | 3390587 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

My Big Fat Cypriot Haircut

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:16 | 3390626 cifo
cifo's picture

"the end of Cyprus as a hub for offshore finance"

I am guessing the other offshore hubs will soon come to an end as well.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:32 | 3390775 barliman
barliman's picture


Let's answer all of these at once:

  • Come on Cyprus Parliament, grow a pair and tell the Troika to fuck off.
  • "how is it possible that the Cypriot banks haven't burned to the ground and politicians and bankers aren't hanging from streetlamps?"
  • You mean hanging the bankers or taking the money, or both?
  • And thus we see, boys and girls, how statists get from your money to their money with ne'er a single shot fired. Boiling frogs, all.
  • but I'm pretty sure a handful of well placed snipers could turn this situation on a dime.

Look through the following and note how closely it matches the Senate Democrats proposals:

In Cyprus, only licensed gun owners34 30 32 may lawfully acquire, possess or transfer a firearm or ammunition Compare

Genuine Reason Required for Firearm Licence Applicants for a gun owner’s licence in Cyprus are required to prove genuine reason to possess a firearm, for example, hunting, target shooting, collection, personal protection35 Compare

Minimum Age for Firearm Possession The minimum age for gun ownership in Cyprus is 18 years35 Compare

Gun Owner Background Checks An applicant for a firearm licence in Cyprus must pass background checks which consider criminal, mental and domestic violence35 records Compare

Reference Required for Firearm Licence In Cyprus, third party character references for each gun licence applicant are not required3 Compare

Domestic Violence and Firearms Where a past history, or apprehended likelihood of family violence exists, the law in Cyprus stipulates3 that a gun licence should be denied or revoked Compare

Firearm Safety Training In Cyprus, an understanding of firearm safety and the law, tested in a theoretical and/or practical training course is not required3 for a firearm licence Compare

Limit on Quantity, Type of Ammunition A licensed firearm owner in Cyprus is permitted to possess only ammunition suitable for the intended firearm36 Firearm Registration Compare

Civilian Gun Registration In Cyprus, the law requires37 that a record of the acquisition, possession and transfer of each privately held firearm be retained in an official register Compare

Gun Dealer Record Keeping In Cyprus, licensed firearm dealers are required37 to keep a record of each firearm or ammunition purchase, sale or transfer on behalf of a regulating authority Compare

State-Owned Firearm Records In Cyprus, State agencies are required38 to maintain records of the storage and movement of all firearms and ammunition under their control

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:21 | 3390988 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Shucks, there goes my magic rabbit hat trick. Now no one will come to the show and I won't paid. 

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 20:16 | 3392539 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:45 | 3390693 jmk
jmk's picture

You can store precious metals outside the US. I've done it.

Google Safewealth. They are located in Montreux, Switzerland. I have been dealing with them for years. They can introduce you to a safe bank. There are only two in Switzerland--one in Zurich, the other in Basel. You can store metal and cash currency notes completely outside the banking system.

This is something that you need to do soon--time's running out.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:14 | 3390737 i_fly_me
i_fly_me's picture

Ahem, no offense, but at the farthest, I will be storing *my* wealth within one decompression stop of my hands.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:42 | 3390784 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"safe bank"

You, my friend, have introduced a dangerous oxymoron into your argument here.  In Switzerland, no less!  You are placing your wealth at the very heart of darkness, expecting it to still be there if "shit gets real".  My friend, you need to get your gold as far the fuck away from Switzerland as humanly possible.  

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:06 | 3390816 azusgm
azusgm's picture

Waiting for the Texas Bullion Vault.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:55 | 3390862 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Your nuts to even be doing anything with Switzerland.  That country has made a deal with the US essentially to give up any information on US people who have accounts (and so believed to be evading taxes).  Who's to say that they won't give up information on who's holding precious metals in their facilities, especially if they pass some form of confiscation law.  I also agree with you Tyler, I believe that the under 100,000 "insured" deposits is a joke.  I don't think they are as insured as the Cyprus govt. is telling (sorry the banks, the govt. has been quiet).  If it was why still have capital controls and only allowing up to 300 euros a day out of the bank and no wiring out of the country.  Thats because they don't have enough money for all the accounts and if they don't have the money for the accounts, they definitely don't have the money for the insurance.



Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:10 | 3390947 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

sounds like the new york fed's reply to germany when they asked for "their" gold back.  

i'm soon to be 65 and, while i hoped for maybe a couple more decades of life, i have had a reasonable run.  it's the children and the grandchildren that i pity in the times ahead when there will be so few places and ways to hide from the oppressors.  handguns against hellfire armed drones?  mercy.  

Sun, 03/31/2013 - 00:01 | 3392861 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

"Safe bank" is a contradiction of terms.

Sun, 03/31/2013 - 00:14 | 3392881 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

The Take Down of Glass-Steagall (over 1 hour).  This happened before.  Why is anyone surprised?  Reenacting Glass-Steagall should be discussed.  Video includes clips from early 1900s.  Very interesting.  Agreeing with everything isn't necessary (LaRouche).

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:10 | 3390824 Tegrat
Tegrat's picture

No one get's it. There is no banker anywhere getting this money. The EU and it's *government* officials are the creators, the facilitators, enforcers and recipients of this confiscation. ZH is filled with lunatics who think that the people this is about greed of a few bankers, when it's all about incompetent government spenders.




Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:36 | 3390844 luckylongshot
luckylongshot's picture

Now thats just straight out naive. Why don't you go check who owns the central bank in your country and then when you discover it is a group of private bankers, try to figure out for yourself how a crisis like this could have happened without their involvement. Alternatively you can look up Milton Friedman and how and why he laid the balme for the 1930s depression at the feet of private bankers. Alternatively you can think through the implications of private bankers controlling the money supply as it will lead you to the realisation that it means they control the politicians....then return to blaming the politicians and realise what that means.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:04 | 3390973 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

I agree with you.  But you can see how a certain simple-minded naivete, when exposed to libertarian doctrine (it's always the state to blame!), might think this,  And I say this as an attentive and admiring reader of Nock's Our Enemy, the State.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:46 | 3391062 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

Leviathan is bad enough on its own. Now it's married to Mammon. Their offspring is evil incarnate. "What rough beast slouches toward Bethlehem" indeed.

Sun, 03/31/2013 - 07:06 | 3393091 damage
damage's picture

Nevermind... tired...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:34 | 3390332 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

where's all the 'trust our civilized system' pumpers now?  

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:22 | 3390286 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

You got it boiling frogs.

DO you think the gun polishing faggots in USA will be any different?

We got guns; USA, USA the pussies will hand them in when asked.

What's the point of buying ammo when you shove it up your own ass.

Rebel emasculated pricks.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:09 | 3390468 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

...and what would you have them do? Create the same conditions that led to a Robspierre, or Lenin?

Project much?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:57 | 3390806 ChrisFromMorningside
ChrisFromMorningside's picture

If my choice is between Robespierre and Louis XIV, I'm on Robespierre's side.

If my choice is between Lenin or Nicholas II, I'm with Lenin. 

As Bane said in TDKR "I'm necessary evil."

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:18 | 3391039 lewy14
lewy14's picture

The sovereign - the annointed, crowned head - had much less power than any modern megalomaniacal secular totalitarian fuckwit.

E.g., the current American President complains he's not a king or the politburo chairman - but those individuals have to do more political heavy lifting, backslapping, palm-greasing and cajoling than the American President these days (the office, not the occupant, is the object of my observation here).

Faced with a choice of lesser evils... none of the above. Every evil claims it's "necessary".

r e s i s t

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:57 | 3391074 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

Whatever faults Louis XIV had, he was not a mass murderer. Whatever faults Nicholas II had, he was not a Chekist. If you do not understand history, you should refrain from making historical judgements. Why would you align yourself with traitors, terrorists, torturers, and mass murderers? Evil is not some pithy line from an overrated movie. Embrace it at your own peril.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:53 | 3391472 wkwillis
wkwillis's picture

Actually, he was a mass murderer, which is why he was killed.

Note that Louis XIV enslaved Arabs to the galleys and Africans to the colonies (death rates in the Caribbean sugar plantations were far higher than in kindly America), taxed everybody except the nobles and government officials heavily (About 1% of the population was tax free) and killed, arrested and imprisoned (death rates in typhus infested jails were high) and murdered many people in ways that the historians employed by the upper class did not bother to record. When America formed an alliance with Louis XIV, it was like Roosevelt doing a deal with Stalin.

The revolution got rid of all that, freed the slaves (except where the British and then Napoleon could stop them), and established the rule of law. And it took the simultaneous invasion of France by all Europe to get the French to put Napoleon in charge.

Twain put it bluntly. The Revolution killed enough people to fill one graveyard, the Monarchy killed enough people to fill all of France.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 13:13 | 3391658 EINSILVERGUY

Communism Killed 100,000,000 and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:19 | 3390503 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

It's more than obvious that this "Coyote" doesn't live in the South. If he did, he would know that the men in the South aren't just talking out their asses like the Coyote is, they are preparing to have to take their country back by force.
This Coyote must live in NYC, where your chief central planner mayor Bloomburgstein can tell you what you can have and when you can have it. Maybe your good mayor can give you a reach-a-round tonite for your being such a cooperative citizen there Coyote .......

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:34 | 3390531 hannah
hannah's picture

coyote is just a troll. some people will turn in their guns some wont.....the one that dont will probably have 10k rounds in their prep already as well as their neighbors and relatives.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:44 | 3390558 Big Slick
Big Slick's picture

'Cept COYOTE is right.  You're already taking it up the tailpipe, southern boy, by accepting ZIRP like a nice quiet sheeeeep

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:45 | 3390788 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

I would suggest that Texas has been actively seceding from the union.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 02:47 | 3390896 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

If you have land, weapons, have and produce your own food, and live in a community of thousands of heavily armed people that are much the same in a region full of such communities who fucking cares?

ZIRP away, it only speeds the inevitable collapse of the urban centers which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Hell, the faster they pump out so much money the faster government scrip becomes useless.  Your world will end, not ours and the sooner the better. We aren't accumulating 0's and 1's in bank computer systems or stocks, we accumulate land, food, tools, fuel, and arms.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:37 | 3390962 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture


... Your world will end, not ours and the sooner the better...

siren call of the seceder.

To have gone to all the trouble of accumulating land, food, tools, fuel, and arms... in anticipation of some kind of Merikan Civil War 2.0 - without considering the intervening 150 years - leaves you as little more than re-enactors...hobby enthusiasts dressing the part of the soldier of bygone days, when the worst to fear was a gunshot wound or errant cannonball. 

Many of you last redoubters are smart enough to know who were the shadowy players behind the scenes who set up the circumstances for that, and other, phony wars which always profit few at the expense of the many. Their inheritors have used that intervening time to learn from past victories and defeats, to hone their skills and lessen the chances of successful resistance to their schemes. Tis a grand, all-encompassing plan they have mustered to kill that resistance -once and for all.

Cyprus is a key measure of their strategy...and success. Why, many ask, so little resistance to this rape and pillage? Yet you never look up a the sky, the phony aerosol clouds of mind-numbing toxins that are sprayed down daily to enter your bloodstream, and in combination with all the other toxic miasma in everything else...everywhere else...slowing grind down the will to resist, and the ability to think clearly. They have destroyed resistance this way.

And your enclave will escape these enemy weapons? You have underestimated your enemy, and the malice of their intent...and played into their hands by doing so. "Your world"??? Our world. One people. One hope. We, the Europoid peoples, will stand, or fall, together.

It is painful enough to discover with what unconcern they speak of war and threaten it. I have seen enough of it to make me look upon it as the sum of all evils. Stonewall Jackson

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 14:42 | 3391873 BooMushroom
BooMushroom's picture

Shorter JOYFUL:

Land, food, fuel and guns are worthless because chemtrails.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 14:44 | 3391879 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture

All the above are very useful...

in the correct location.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:03 | 3391149 DangerClams
DangerClams's picture

Bloomie's handing out reach-arounds?  Sweet!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 13:18 | 3391672 EINSILVERGUY

You obviously have never been to the South nor understand Southerners.  We still retain the individualistic and rebellionous nature of the founding fathers.  We won't give up our weapons and there isn't enough paramilitary units in the United States to reocupy and pacify the South. Goncontrol will only lead to another civil war and a breakaway of the "free" states.  Im in Texas and I gurantee there are at least a half million people here who own firearms and won't give them up. I was at a gun show last month where the line was 1/2 mile long to get in. The NRA has a sponsored event in Houston on May 4,5th. You want to see what you are truly dealing with, come to this show

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:05 | 3390210 udecker
udecker's picture

Just the one.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:53 | 3390418 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

either that

hanging the bankers or taking the money, or both?

or what commenter paper crusher ( ) proposed the other day should happen to those who corzine customer funds (ffwd to 02:59):

and i approve of that type of treatment

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:15 | 3390258 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Why the fuck are not people burning the country down. WHY?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:30 | 3390296 Croesus
Croesus's picture

It's not a depositor's a fucking decapitation:




An efficient path for returning the sound operations of the G-SIFI to the private sector would be provided by exchanging or converting a sufficient amount of the unsecured debt from the original creditors of the failed company into equity. In the U.S., the new equity would become capital in one or more newly formed operating entities. In the U.K., the same approach could be used, or the equity could be used to recapitalize the failing financial company itself — thus , the highest layer of surviving bailed-in creditors would become the owners of the resolved firm. In either country, the new equity holders would take on the corresponding risk of being shareholders in a financial institution.”

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:19 | 3390502 newengland
newengland's picture

Yep. That is what will be.

All the moneychangers will screw each other.

Easter said there was a better way...not the way taken by moneychangers' pets, apparently.

The un-Federal no-Reserve Board is a foreign corporation of zionists who hate Christians and the Republic.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:54 | 3390422 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

Hunger hasn't set in.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:35 | 3390536 hannah
hannah's picture

coyote - i think your comments should be what YOU HAVE DONE LATELY. you are the biggest pussy when you state 'why havent the people..'....fuck complaining about other people doing shit...what have you done.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:50 | 3390567 Slartebartfast
Slartebartfast's picture

Because the people who took the beating are all in the 1%.  The 99% doesn't have over 100,000 in savings.  None of them.  Their money is safe.  It's the 1% (below the bankster level anyway) that got fleeced.  Nobody likes them anyway.

Just wait until next Tuesday when 3/4 of the Cypriots find out their employer has gone out of business over the weekend because all their working capital was stolen.  80% unemployment overnight.  And no capital to rebuild anything with.  This is going to be truly epic.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:21 | 3390757 Liberty2012
Liberty2012's picture

Debt is not capital. Capital is assets - tools of production - people working. If they don't have Euros to use to trade their work, they will find other ways.

Equating debt with capital is the big mistake that needs to be unlearned.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:20 | 3390833 ich1baN
ich1baN's picture

Yes, but without cash money capital, the medium of exchange and statuf quo, the gears of business will stop. Companies need to take out loans to finance operations. Not all companies can rely on cash flow from operations to do this. Many companies have to take out new loans or issue equity if they are publicly traded.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:02 | 3391148 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Companies need to take out loans to finance operations. 

Not my companies.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:20 | 3391240 Dane17
Dane17's picture

Agreed. The current western social contract is that the ruling elite will rape the next tier down of earners to keep the masses happy.

100k in the bank is too small a percent of the population to start rioting yet.

Soon your 401k will be judged "unfair" to those who haven't had the chance to save as much and be exchanged for stock in some worthless green energy company or federal "happy fairness goodwill for everybody and not really worthless" bonds.

Sun, 03/31/2013 - 08:30 | 3393138 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

I think you could buy carbon credits with your 401K.  Al Gore approves this message.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:35 | 3390673 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

I suppose this would be an opportune time to, once again, insert Gene Sharp's list of tactics of nonviolent resistance for people to consider.  It's a list of 198 battle-tested tactics, each of which Sharp studied and wrote about because they have all been used in one country or another.

Perhaps someone could alert the Cypriots.  It's really quite easy, if you don't mind getting tear gassed, beaten, arrested, fired and/or killed.

Easy, and the right thing to do in many instances.


Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:17 | 3391169 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Well timed.  Thanks.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:09 | 3391228 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Thanks for that.  The time has come for rude gestures.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:56 | 3390158 espirit
espirit's picture

Wonder if those armed bank guards are now employed by the parliament?

Pitchforks and torches Cypriots!


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:00 | 3390180 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Forward? My God, the Cypriots are just... taking it! They're doing... nothing!

No matter what ANYONE on this board says, you all have to be shocked at SOME level at the passivity of the Cypriot people while they are being financially and God-knows-what-else ruined.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:09 | 3390231 Nick Jihad
Nick Jihad's picture

What should Cypriots do?  Protest, burn a bank branch, and accidentally suffocate a few bank tellers?  Did that help the Greeks?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:47 | 3390560 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Well, how about driving out every single bankster and politician they can find, for starters? Something that not ONE Of these nations have done yet. Sure, they marched around, burned some cars, burned themselves, shot themselves, and then went home. And where are they now? Waiting for the next hammer blow to fall.

But... I'm afraid you may have a point here. I am of the opinion that if this happened in America tomorrow, the people would complain just long enough for the commercial to end between sports shows. Then it would be back to business - worshipping their televisions and iPhones.

If anything, this last couple of weeks (and the last two years of countries - including the US - being royally screwed over) have taught me that it's going to take a hell of a lot of... something to rouse this overweight, uninterested mass of cable-TV-watching vidiots.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:16 | 3390259 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Perhaps they should take the example of the American people and show some stubborn resistance to the bankers

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:46 | 3390385 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

Ha ha ha ha ha best laugh of the day.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:11 | 3390616 Spigot
Spigot's picture

When can I throw up into my nose?!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:24 | 3390653 Talleyrand
Talleyrand's picture

Yes...but something of a collectivist sentiment. What "American people"? - there is no such thing. There are individuals who live (or lived) within the arbitrary 'borders' of the new homeland. Some have taken action. Some will not. It is -whether we like it or not - every man for himself. Don't dilly-dally, now. No time for fiddle-fartin' around.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:36 | 3391188 Ludwig Van
Ludwig Van's picture

I wish you wouldn't use that word *homeland.* It's been destroyed, corrupted, like *gay.*


Sat, 03/30/2013 - 20:19 | 3392549 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

I'm feeling very gay because there's so much security in my homeland.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:44 | 3390848 laomei
laomei's picture

Indeed, they need a handful of protestors who come out on the street, preaching non-violence, waving signs and over a course of a few months become 100% irrelevant, up from their 99% irrelevancy.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:01 | 3390184 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Why should parliament care? These depositors are getting shares in the bank! Shares in the bank!

Can you imagine anything more wonderful than someone stealing all of your money and then giving you fancy pieces of paper that say you own a part of a bank that's guaranteed to be driven into insolvency in the near future?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:15 | 3390251 Nick Jihad
Nick Jihad's picture

Debt-to-equity conversions are a fairly standard feature of bankruptcy workouts, right? I'll be surprised if they don't respect the guaranteed portion of the deposit, but above that 100K level, what else would you expect?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:55 | 3390709 mkkby
mkkby's picture

This was all predictable.  As soon as the banks opened, what remaining cash they had would be withdrawn by the first 50 customers.  The end.

This is the way of fractional reserve lending.  They don't have your money in the vault.  You must stay under the insurance limit.

I'm sure the insurance will be honored.  If it isn't -- the bankers know every bank on the planet will have a run very soon.  Deposity insurance and the printing press to back it is the only thing keeping the ponzi going.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:15 | 3390622 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

sure, but there is risk in any investment*

no risk, no reward!


* as noted in the prospectus, Past performance is no guarantee of future results


Sat, 03/30/2013 - 04:09 | 3390921 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Sounds alot like a couple of ETFs I heard about.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:44 | 3390964 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

It's now The People's Bank, comrade!

( But, seriously. 6+% ? Hello. Swiss, German, UK, US near zero and the Nantucket size, Russian/ Grek mafia rockpile is baiting hundreds of percent more....cause....what? )

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:06 | 3390216 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

You gotta wonder if this wasn't purpose built for snuffing any future bailouts and just making them leave the Euro.  I mean if you're the next country in line aren't you going to think more seriously about just defaulting, exiting, devaluing your currency and cutting bait?  Whatever the fallout it can't be as bad as 100%, right?

As I typed that I realized I'm wrong.  I don't know how, but I know I'm wrong.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:12 | 3390239 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

NoDebt, you can't beat yourself up for coming up with a crazy-assed conspiracy like, oh, the one someone thought up thirty days ago:

That the Troika would address an upcoming bailout of a small nation by convincing the leaders of that nation to hand over the people's deposits. THAT'S JUST CRAZY TALK!!


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:11 | 3390235 Matt
Matt's picture

"Come on Cyprus Parliament, grow a pair and tell the Troika to fuck off."

Troika is kicking in 10 billion euros of the bailout. If they tell them to fuck off, the losses to depositors will have to be 10 billion greater, or (ha!) the Cyprus government will have to issue bonds to cover the 10 billion needed to make whole depositors up to 100,000 euros.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:57 | 3390804 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"If they tell them to fuck off, the losses to depositors will have to be 10 billion greater"

Yeah, here's the thing, if a country rejects ECB terms and allows their banks to fail, guess what happens?  The ECB is still on the hook for the first 100K in customer deposits.  Given that anything above 100K is taking what will effectively be a 100% loss, what the fuck difference would it make?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:46 | 3390853 laomei
laomei's picture

The ECB is not on the hook for the first 100k.  The ECB simply set the uniform requirement that the first 100k must be insured.  If the banks were allowed to fail, that insurance would not have been funded and poof, it's gone, unless the government is willing to start selling assets to cover it.  Government bonds are junk, so no Euro country is allowed to gobble them up.  Simple as that.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:37 | 3390351 Long_Xau
Long_Xau's picture

I don't care about their pair growth. How about this pair for a growth:

The gold dong pair!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:55 | 3390424 myptofvu
myptofvu's picture

We have to do this otherwise you could lose all your money..err uhm I mean

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:24 | 3391046 Glitterbug
Glitterbug's picture

Then ask them how this can be a template for other countries - which other countries have huge gas reserves to give in return for the cash - even if the stock they get is currently and may always remain worthless.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:56 | 3390126 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

I am SHOCKED! /sarc

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:06 | 3390208 Matt
Matt's picture

From Reuters article:

Under conditions expected to be announced on Saturday, depositors in Bank of Cyprus will get shares in the bank worth 37.5 percent of their deposits over 100,000 euros, the source told Reuters, while the rest of their deposits may never be paid back.

At Bank of Cyprus, about 22.5 percent of deposits over 100,000 euros will attract no interest, the source said. The remaining 40 percent will continue to attract interest, but will not be repaid unless the bank does well.

Zerohedge article:

Critically though, there is no cash. None. If you had EUR150,000 in the bank last week, you now have EUR0,000 to draw on! But will earn interest on EUR60,000 (though we do not know at what rate); and own EUR56,250 worth of Bank of Cyprus shares (the same bank that will experience the slow-burn leak of capital controlled outflows).


If Reuters is correct, if you had 150,000 Euros in either Laiki or Cyprus Bank, you now have 100,000 (insured) plus 50,000 * .375 = 18,750 in bank shares, plus 50,000 * 0.4 = 20,000 euros in frozen deposits that gain interest and 50,000 * .225 =  11,250 in non-interest bearing frozen deposits, only unfrozen if the bank is successful.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:19 | 3390275 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

From the headline "big depositors" I.e. uninsured. This obviously refers to the "big" part of the deposit (because a 100k recovery on 10mm is not really a recovery). And as you pointed out in your calculation, there is no cash actually being paid out. But yes, the "deposit" collects "interest". Too bad neither principal nor interest will be ever paid. As for the equity depositors "receive" in the broke bank, surely Cramer will pronounce it a Strong Buy

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:27 | 3390306 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

WE need to stand up now and fight.

But you won't because of shit  food, and TV; brain turned to mush, by design.

You cunts have been set up for years.



Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:49 | 3390396 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

What is this?

This, is a chemical burn.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:56 | 3391326 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

Subtle delivery is your ally.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:28 | 3390311 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Tyler? Surely you have better references?  

                                                             Jimmy 'Tool Time Cramer' ?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:28 | 3390312 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

If you're an American, you probably need to pay taxes on that "accrued interest" that you "collected" (but weren't paid) too.  And, of course, file your FATCA report.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:14 | 3390491 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Will those Cypriots forced to invest in the bank be allowed to deduct their losses from their taxes?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:30 | 3390317 knukles
knukles's picture

When I read Cramer pronouncing it a strong buy, I immediately thought of anal sex
This is disturbing....
Needs apply for SSDI

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:39 | 3390353 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

When you apply, knuks, I'll testify for you or against you, whichever you think will help most.

As Tyler points out, the interest will never be paid..., but I'll bet IRS will find a way to tax it.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:31 | 3390318 random shots
random shots's picture

Those with deposits under 100,000 euros will continue to be protected under the state's deposit guarantee. - From the Article


If you had 150,000 euros last week, you will take a haircut on the 50,000 uninsured portion.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:39 | 3390544 fuu
fuu's picture

And it will take 334 business days to get that 100k out.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:00 | 3390716 infinity8
infinity8's picture

Read it again fuckers: If you had EUR150,000 in the bank last week (net of insured deposits which may well be impaired before all is said and done). Then try the math.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:30 | 3390774 random shots
random shots's picture

The Tylers edited the post and put the text you bolded after my post. They should own up rather than pull a MiniTrue.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:51 | 3390792 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Agreed. I read it several times not believing what I was reading.

Let's set the record straight: If you had anywhere from Eu$1-Eu100,000. then you are theoretically safe. Safe as long as you get your cash out as fast as possible before they have a Pre-Christmas holiday part duex with free towels.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:30 | 3390322 SilverDoctors
SilverDoctors's picture

AND....its gone! 

Big depositors in the US might be staring at 100% losses in the next TBTF bank failure too, the US & UK created a joint resolution authority back in December (found it buried in the FDIC site) pursing the precise depositor bail-in model followed in Cyprus.

Seems that DieselBOOM didn't just mean Europe when he called Cyprus the template.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:33 | 3390335 Matt
Matt's picture

well, sure, the Orthodox Church of Cyprus now has 100,000 euros, 37.5 million euros worth of stocks, and 62.4 million euros frozen indefinitely. But that is not the example you (incorrectly) gave.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:56 | 3390426 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

actually...and i hate to say this "it is a strong buy." you've cleared out the totality of banking you get to buy it for pennies if you like (for the politically connected of course. i won't be buying because i'm not one of those.) as i've said from the Getco "this is a professional hit." the folks have been obliterated there. the South called them "carpetbaggers" and "here they come." I'm not sure if the Cypriots could (even?) start a war. stuck a thumb in the eye of the President and Secretary of State no less while they were over there. BALLS. I wasn't a big fan of the whole "we did it" thing afterwards...but that's the State talking folks. Who are we to say it's "wrong"?...ESPECIALLY when it is (wrong). we have empathy here..and that is all we have since that is all we can do. the fact that we do speaks volumes of us of course. (we might not have much but we still care.) but we all have a price. "what we won't do" is in fact "what we will." in the back of my head i still think "the US Marines will have something to say in this regard." but that's probably my fantasy world "acting out again." the media has such love for their love of such things. Reminds of the movie "the Razor's Edge" where the Americans drive out in the Red Cross vehicle only to be blown away "having been warned." While not justifying the actions of 2008 i still feel it safe to say "we haven't behaved this way." Probably not saying much...but it IS something. And Presidents and Secretary's of State are not powerless either. I'm still unclear as to the policy GOAL of the "Eurogroup" here. I certainly understood the US position (as it should be) however. I have no doubt "they're with ZeroHedge on this one." as i think they will be with many others going forward...

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:00 | 3390810 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"18,750 in bank shares"

"only unfrozen if the bank is successful"

You need to think about the information you're reading.  What is the value of common stock in a bankrupt company?  What is the probability of either of these banks being "successful"?  What does "successful" even entail?


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:52 | 3390130 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Thems the brakes.  (kisses windshield)

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:52 | 3390132 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

If there aren't any riots, then it's true what they say about flouride.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390151 Holleyman
Holleyman's picture

They have earned the right to riot, paid for it in full

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:54 | 3390801 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

They say the same thing about beer {{{burp}}.

I don't believe it for a minite/minute/minnet. fuck

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:53 | 3390133 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Template bitchezzzzzzzzz

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3390137 Holleyman
Holleyman's picture

I am shocked as well; also now warned!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3390139 RSBriggs
RSBriggs's picture

How appropriate - the ad header is playing a Charmin "50% stronger" toilet paper ad...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:10 | 3390233 HardwoodAg
HardwoodAg's picture

Them must be some wild porn cookies you got working dude. TP, really?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3390142 Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Is this daylight rubbery?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:04 | 3390450 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

yes, indeed, it is

Is this daylight rubbery?

and many wont believe that the hofjuden have been using the same blueprint successfully for at least the last 350 years.  in fact, the money changers are successfully executing the same scam since jesus time.  we deserve to be "daylight rubbered" by these parasites because our ancestors did not cut their heads off, and we continue on the same path - not rounding up these hofjuden banking families, beheading them and once and for end of times setting an example for future generations of bankers.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:22 | 3390992 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

Correct.  But so many are afraid of seeming "aunty-semitic", they do anything to ignore this.  And it canot be denied that, while the Hofjuden are masters at this game, they have many non-Jewish willing accomplices in their crimes.  Race traitors.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3390143 bigwavedave
bigwavedave's picture

and...... it's gone

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390155 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

BigWave - isn't it horrifying how DEAD ON that joke is now? That whole episode was like a crystal ball glance into the future.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 04:58 | 3390942 The Navigator
The Navigator's picture

Incredible how blasé the rest of (Southern) Europe is about what happened in Cyprus.

What happened in Cyprus is like living next door to the fire station with the sirens going off every 30 minutes - BLARING in your ears.

Cannot you hear the fucking horns??????????

I'm amazed that the rest of Europe SLEEPS ON. No bank withdrawals, no run on banks, just SNOOZING. WTF!!!!

Your neighbor just got fucking raped and you still walk around in a mini skirt, camo-style.

W T F ??????????

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:17 | 3391170 rodocostarica
rodocostarica's picture

Oh there is a bank run going on but not with the sheep. The big boys are all doing it behind the scenes electronically so you do not see anything.

Tyler will show us the numbers as time goes by. Just wait.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390144 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

How big is the donut - and do they get a choice of flavorz?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:57 | 3390166 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

since it's bankers wouldn't a bagel be more appropriate?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390145 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Forgive me for asking what may seem to be a stupid question -the 37.5% is for bank SHARES, not cash? So you're actually being handed a piece of paper that says 37.5% of your money is now invested into a worthless bank at a yet-to-be-determined share price?

If I'm correct, then my prediction is that the shareholders will not be allowed to sell their shares for oh, one million years.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:01 | 3390190 ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Yeah, pretty much. As is, "we're pretty much fucked"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:05 | 3390219 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Thanks, Ghengis.

I'm just sitting here... amazed that this thing is getting worse and worse and no one anywhere is doing anything.

Absolutely incredible.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:31 | 3390323 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Wait awhile.

Next week they will be sending out the bills for the Spiderman towels.

My guess is 100,000 euros each.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:52 | 3390413 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Had similar thoughts Winston.  It's early days.

Your people know the Med.  Sommerset Maugham shot himself there, with his own fucking machine gun.  If you don't know the story you should look it up.  Great party shit.

Anywho.  The Med is full of womanish, vindictive little fuckers.   Hold a grudge for generations.  Paybacks are hell.


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:33 | 3390331 knukles
knukles's picture

So where the fuck are all them Hollywoodsters who were gonna move to Cyprus if Bush was elected?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:22 | 3390753 newengland
newengland's picture

Holly Woodsters are scamming all, and taking all. Those celebs spend money like its water, while killing other mother's children. 

Clooney et al are spoilt. All talk. All kill. For their bank balance. Filth. Pigs with lipstick. Endless war suits them, so long as someone else dies for it, and their movies profit from it.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:39 | 3390355 ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Don't worry about everyone else and what they're (not) doing. Take care of yourself and your family and prepare your mind first for what you may have to do in the very possible, very near future. These Cypriots never allowed themselves to believe shit could go down in a hurry. They told themselves they always be fine, their money is in a bank(!) for Pete's sake, not some risky derivative financial instrument. At least that's what the thought. Their entire worldview got blown to smithereens in a weekend and then napalmed, nuked and cluster bombed 14 days later. They couldn't reconcile the cognitive dissonance in their minds until it was too late. Now they're shell shocked and dumb struck with no plan to fall back upon.

The lesson for us (and anyone else paying attention) is: don't be like them. Get your mind right, get your shit together and get ready for some more crazy shit each and every centrally-planned day forward. You're spot on: it's fucking unreal and unbelievable! I'm just sitting here too...wondering...when will this fiat flood touch off the neutron bomb of total economic chaos. It detonated over Cyprus two weeks ago; when does it land here?

Cheers, sir!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390146 indygo55
indygo55's picture

Where's that list of depositors that got (snuck) out? I thought they had a list of names.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:56 | 3390152 ekm
ekm's picture

There is the expression: Too good to be true.


Let me twist that: I think this is too bad to be true.

Cypriots must have received another deal on the side, NATO related, NATO money infusion that would start coming soon.


Again, this is too, too, too, too bad to be true.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:03 | 3390205 ekm
ekm's picture


Check the dates.


Germany and Austria badly need cyprus to block Turkey EU entry. It's just too bad to be true

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:16 | 3390497 newengland
newengland's picture

And they will all burn together.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:56 | 3390153 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  POOF!   I parked my cash with the ruskies...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390154 sabra1
sabra1's picture

God must surely be weeping. He created man, man with no balls.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:01 | 3390194 espirit
espirit's picture

Much like the 47% here in the U.S., soon to be 57%, 67%, or whatever. 

When you have no deposits, nobody riots.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:05 | 3390214 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

what about when the SNAP and EBT cards don't work

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:57 | 3390430 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Whutchu talkin' 'bout Willis?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 04:43 | 3390935 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

They will keep these (SNAP & EBT cards) going for as long as possible no matter how much needs to be printed.  They will screw those working first has they are less likely to riot.  The feds know as well as we do what happened in LA in 1992.  Today it would only be worse but no one can speak about cause that would be, you know, racist.  The other aspect we talk about alot is that they must disarm the so called law-abiding citizens.

Seems to me that the Sandy Hook massacre they recieved is fading and the deal envisaged is not getting through or is more or less watered down.  This does not play well into the grand plan.  I would not be suprised if another MKUltra plant is switched on.... they need something bad.  At present the politicians, Demon's and RINO's alike, fear of loosing the gravy more than getting with the agenda and disarming the citizens.  These guys remember what happened in the mid-terms after the 1994 Federal Assault Weapons ban. The clowns that voted for it got targeted and lost.  Sure O does not care but his brothers and sisters feeding from the public trough certainly do.

A small glimmer of hope considering the rest of the shit going down. Still it is something.

Interesting times...


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:14 | 3390250 Banksters
Banksters's picture

He took a pride in man; man was his finest invention; man was his pet, after the housefly

Mark Twain

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:37 | 3390350 knukles
knukles's picture

And she was named Hillary. And her left rib was taken and created the Wookie. And then on the final day God made bumper stickers for the pair who havest no balls upon which to sitteth in pain to be anointed as rulers of Gog and Megog in eternity.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:59 | 3390438 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Beertendress.  I'll have what knuks is having.....  Make that a double.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:16 | 3390631 Hulk
Hulk's picture

He does seem to always get the goodstuff !!!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:52 | 3390409 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

An empty bag cannot stand upright.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:56 | 3390161 Fix-ItSilly
Fix-ItSilly's picture

This is a sick joke.  ECB loans to Laiki being folded into Cyprus Bank should be cancelled.  This is a bankruptcy.

With this news, are we to hear officially as to what the March depositor withdrawals were?  Those being zeroed out should know why.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:57 | 3390163 ozzz169
ozzz169's picture

When heard about Russians getting there money out, was pretty sure this would happen,  feel a little bad for them, but come on if I was a Cypriot I would have been sitting on euros/gold in safety deposit boxes, safes, buried in the back yard before kept it the banks.  now sucks for people running businesses and had to keep operating cost in the bank, but still would have to keep bare minimum.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390167 newengland
newengland's picture

Big Cypriot depositors are that hateful jewish oligarch of the former USSR, the kosher nostra, dual passport holders who have no allegiance to any country. They are the moneychangers,, thrown out of the temple by Jesus.

Scoff if you must. The ruin is you cynics.


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:04 | 3390211 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

The constant anti-semetic comments on ZH disgrace, deligitimize, and tarnish an otherwise valuable exchange of ideas. Fuck off and choke on your hate.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:11 | 3390227 newengland
newengland's picture


You are the hateful moneychanger. Get down on your knees and beg forgiveness before all mankind. Jesus was a kindly jewish boy who threw the money changers out of the Temple, and zionists hate him and his followers.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:49 | 3390398 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

NewEgg - Careful - Looks like your the one with the cat-o-nine-tails in your hands, Happy Easter "In Deed"

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