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North Korea Says It Enters "War" Against South Korea, And North Korea Kaption Kontest

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 03/29/2013 20:07 -0400

Ordinarily this would be Good Friday humor (unless we are very wrong, and it turns out to be Good Friday Global Thermonuclear War) because when one cries wolf a few too many times, this is what happens (from Yonhap):

North Korea announced Saturday that it has entered a state of war against South Korea.

In a special statement, the North said it will deal with every inter-Korean issue in a wartime manner.

And... nothing. In fact, if the market was open the ES would likely ramp limit up on the non-news. By now the world is so numb to the constant provocations by North Korea's confused leader, who is desperate to be finally paid off as nuisance value by the Western powers, that the most he can extract from anyone is laughter when one wonders if the iMac sitting on the desk of glorious leader wasn't hacked by some brand new FBI-launched virus issuing world war 8-Ks and press releases (although with the Ethernet cable unplugged, "no risk" of that as Geithner would say).

Speaking of, here is tonight's caption contest:

Glorious leader hard at work hatching his devious global domination plans.

- advertisements -

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:09 | 3389965 icanhasbailout

and the last nuke is for Florida Gulf Coast University for busting my NCAA bracket

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:11 | 3389975 jekyll island

Why would I want billions, when I can have millions? How do you spell "War"?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389989 TeamDepends

For the love of God, where's Rodman?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3390000 Pinto Currency

Dennis Rodman uttered the mind control trigger word "frootloops" to Kim Jong-Un to start this mess.

And Madonna uttered the word "pyramidz" to trigger Rodman.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:22 | 3390025 CrazyCooter

Wasn't there a Kids in the Hall skit that covered this?

Regards,

Cooter

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:30 | 3390049 TwoShortPlanks

Note the hand
http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2013/03/29/1226602/706680-130321-kim.jpg

Know your enemy!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:34 | 3390060 The Big Ching-aso

He needs Baghdad Bob to help getting out his message.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:35 | 3390068 TwoShortPlanks

"back in the thick of playing the Great Game"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:37 | 3390077 Atlas_shrugging

I want a hamburger, no a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog, I want potato chips, I want---

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:49 | 3390100 knukles

"I kill all you flukring preeprees that flukring Knurels mage fun how re spreek hall re thryme, flukher.
You no ret Knukres spleek Klowreean troprik hor I kirr ru hall.
Ru say say what what again mouffelfluker fluker."

See, I toldja he's a kook... Bet he's been put up to all this shit by Paul Krugman.... Gettin a broke window chubby :),

PS. Does anybody else keep getting these make a choice about gay Boy Scout adds? They're disturbing... No?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:50 | 3390117 NoDebt

Oh, man, this Poli Sci paper is due tomorrow. I'm so screwed. I got nothin'. I wish my Dad was here.

Oh, wait. If I declare war I can probably get an extension. And if the prof won't give me one, I'll just have him killed!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:05 | 3390446 erg

He must have his own M*A*S*H equivalent to Radar or Klinger.

Ya know. someone who can quickly acquire Ukranian hookers and Beluga caviar.

Maybe even score some Adam's ribs.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:10 | 3390471 insanelysane

great episode

He certainly isn't writing "It's nice to be nice to the nice" but may be writing "Unless we follow our leaders blindly, we can never be truly free."

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:26 | 3390517 Sylvia Plath

Anyone notice the iMac on his desk!?

Long live jobs"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:57 | 3390583 Big Slick

"One MEEEElion Dolars!"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:00 | 3390713 Richard Chesler

...and clam chowder, and a large bowl of chili con carne, and a side order of bacon, with sour cream, and cream-filled doughnuts, ice cream with marshmallow topping, and chocolate syrup, and...

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:58 | 3390864 Spirit Of Truth

http://www.secondkoreanwar.com

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:20 | 3391043 Manthong

“Um.. how you sprell Apro Wun?”

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:51 | 3391134 Vampyroteuthis ...

"I am constipated and my great North Korean physicians state that radiation will solve the problem"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:07 | 3391155 Headbanger

'Pleez you no void iMac warranty when we nuke you dog faces soon then crush wind pipes!! Ha!"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:26 | 3390520 FEDbuster

Obummer should make Dennis Rodman the official North Korea Ambassador. Then send the Harlem Globetrotters there once a year to keep the peace.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:43 | 3391060 francis_sawyer

Obama should resign the Presidency & become a Harlem Globetrotter... But he's more likely to end up as a Washington General...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3390124 Beam Me Up Scotty

Wasn't he the guy that made that Gangnum Style video??

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390149 toys for tits

We're supposed to be good at this math shit.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:59 | 3390171 MayIMommaDogFac...

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Uhhmmm three letters...

Starts with U and ends with A...Uhhhmmm

Clue: pain-in-my-ass...Uhhhmmm

Hate the crossword puzzle!!!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:27 | 3390521 rfaze

Buy Gold...Check

Short E mini....Check

Attack South.....Check

Buy U.S. and declare victory.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 04:01 | 3390918 bunnyswanson

"Who's been arrested in your town? Find Out Here" Mug shots everywhere else. Or "Find an Attorney. Never been arrested btw. Not amused!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 03:10 | 3390906 SilverFish

YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!!!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:00 | 3391330 Lendo

One of the best movies ever

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:01 | 3391336 Mike7.62

You'll get nothing and like it!

Ahh shi'ite, somebody beat me to it.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:39 | 3390083 Randall Cabot

He may be crazy but he could redeem himself by selling some nukes to Iran so they can obliterate israel.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:54 | 3390708 TBT or not TBT

And Israel counter nukes all their enemies at once, Iran included.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:56 | 3390970 jeff montanye

how wise was general marshall and how shortsighted president truman.

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article4077.htm

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3390119 Pseudo Anonym

(wannabe) freemason; but, definitely, not 33rd degree; if correct

Note the hand

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:41 | 3391057 JOYFUL

To win this free trip, all you need to do is write down three(3)reasons why you would like to go to Disneyland, and then mail your response to Postal Box...etcetera...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:34 | 3390062 disabledvet

And Carmen Electra whispered "give it to me baby" and even though it caused the war to begin in the Korean Penninsula resulting in untold casualties and the massed movements of "mega forces" the only thing we all remember is the cops being called and the twitter feeds that followed.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:52 | 3390569 espirit

Isn't that a mighty small penis pump on his desk?

or Light Sabre?

or Dildo?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390175 ShrNfr

Didn't that drive Saddam insane??

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:13 | 3390065 Mercury

...and den I take dat gold...(scribble-scribble)...

Give it to Woid Wankfien for his magic ewha-phants...(scribble-scribble)...

and den I...

DOWN DE AMEWI-KAN IMPERIAL-WISTS IN A TWI-ANGLE OF DEAFF !!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390173 Banksters

If I pretend a wrage war can I play x box?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:46 | 3390683 wee-weed up

Fruk it! I wanted Scarrett with the big rips...

and they sent me Dennis with the bigger rips...

Oh, I'm sooo ronery!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:18 | 3390949 Caggge

If I study hard and pass the GED test, people will respect me.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389990 surf0766

It is spelled 'MOAR"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:50 | 3390123 NoDebt

Or WOAR?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:19 | 3389991 Pinto Currency

wipe

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:43 | 3390073 The Big Ching-aso

I guess the little phucker doesn't care if he jacks up March Madness by starting a nuclear war.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:46 | 3390108 Go Tribe

I kind of like the guy. No subterfuge, no mealy-mouthed BS, just fuck you enemies we' ll go to war. He wouldn't do well in the corporate world but that's to his credit.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:29 | 3390314 Pure Evil

With all his antics, MSNBC should give him his own TV show alongside Cramer, Sharpton, Maddow, that tingly feeling up his leg guy (what's his name? is it Hardball Up His Ass), and The ED Show starring Ed the talking horse.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:19 | 3390505 Go Tribe

You're right, isn't that how it's suppose to work? You go Sheen or Honey Boo Boo and they give you a TV show. I'd watch that crazy SOB every week.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:28 | 3390663 wee-weed up

Sorry, it would never work...

He'd never fit in with all the Obama lovers on MSNBC.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:40 | 3390085 Banksters

Game theory depends on RATIONAL players. Un is obviously unhinged. The question is, will fatboy pull the trigger? If he does, I suspect North Korea will be bombed back to the dark ages, oh wait....

Dear Un, if you are going to take a shot, aim at the District of Criminals.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390157 dick cheneys ghost

Add Wall St/City of London to that list............

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:45 | 3390382 kchrisc

Let's see, a lot of entries in the Slim Pickens ride a bomb contest. Who do I choose, who do I choose? hujel

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:56 | 3390802 Totentänzerlied

The rationality of game theory is not the rationality of popular imagination. It's rational self-interest, emphasis on the self-interest.

Also the Taepodong-2 can't reach past Alaska, westward, and somewhere near Moscow, eastward.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:16 | 3389987 Pinto Currency

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:53 | 3390122 McMolotov

"Hory shit! According to my carcurations, I rost fucking errything in Cyprus! Damn you, Deeser-broom!!! Damn you straight to herr!!!"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 12:07 | 3391512 FreeNewEnergy

Frucking Japarese! These soduko rerry hard!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390172 SnobGobbler

such a fucking circus; get a life.... /hsarc

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:12 | 3390240 marco1324

You sunk my battleship!!...Matel Toys Inc, always thinking...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:45 | 3390376 Charles Nelson ...

Fuck you Hans Bwixxx!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:50 | 3390699 williambanzai7

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:30 | 3390842 Big Slick

CANNOT BE UNSEEN! EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES I STILL SEE IT!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:44 | 3390850 old naughty

That's it!

No more visit to Hooters for me.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 01:52 | 3390860 Scalaris

jesus, it's like a steel-tongued ferret gave my eyes a rimjob.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:56 | 3391068 Silverhog

Glad it's not a scratch and sniff

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:04 | 3391340 homme

Because you would?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:15 | 3391167 StychoKiller

For the love of all that's Holy, pleeeze tell that's a guy!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 17:43 | 3392294 Itgoestoeleven

Last will and Testament

Believe it or not, I am of sound mind and body but Boy I fucked up. My dad taught me how to rattle a sword and get the west to give me all the stuff that we are unable to produce ( and desperately need). It looks as though the USA has kicked the can down the road to the end of the line and they are in need of a scapegoat. I think N. Korea is going to be it. So, I bequeath the northern half of the Korean pininsula to any human or animal capable of surviving in the crater that remains.

So long Mutha Fuckaaaaaaaaaaz

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:14 | 3389967 ss123

Note to Self: To not get hacked, do not plug in network cable. Do not surf girlz-gone-wild tonight.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:01 | 3390087 Banksters

Reservoir Dogs - Are You Gonna Bark All Day Little Doggy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Y7brwz6fA

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:05 | 3390722 chump666

Awesome.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:49 | 3390397 Matt

If your nuclear arsenal is controlled by an iMac, keeping it disconnected from the Internet is probably a good call.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:09 | 3389968 Rahm

I'll take the moo goo guy pan, and the creme of sum yung guy. To go.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:57 | 3390582 Monedas

What the Hell do you think moo goo guy pan is .... redundancy error .... reset !

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:58 | 3390584 ncdirtdigger

Ann den?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:09 | 3389969 Arrowflinger

He doesn't have to cross any parallel to be of unparalleled stupidity.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389970 BurningFuld

For dinner I wan' dis dis and dat.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:02 | 3390199 Banksters

LOL!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:10 | 3389971 surf0766

1 milllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllion dollarssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:59 | 3390183 RSBriggs

In smarr birrs, or the iPad get it...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:11 | 3389972 Rustysilver

Dear Mr. Obama

I just want to tell you how much I admire you.....

Signed,

Glorious leader

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 02:02 | 3390869 old naughty

Kim [Joke You]

01 04 13

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:11 | 3389974 Tsunami Wave

There's actually nothing on this paper and computer. Nor any phone or internet connection. But the lights are on!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:23 | 3390651 FrozenOut

Does he have the Magic Mouse? I can't see a touch pad and his keyboard definitely ain't bluetooth!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:11 | 3389978 bigwavedave

"Dear Dennis...."

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:12 | 3389980 PUD

Channeling Steve Jobs

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:12 | 3389981 blu

Wait while glorious leader stuck on Sudoku again. But after this, the peoples' war for sure.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:02 | 3390197 SnobGobbler

..paper sudoku..NK style biiiatchez!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:13 | 3389982 sitenine

War! Isn't there an app for that?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:12 | 3389983 ekm

I have a bad feeling that this guy will end up like Ceausesku in Rumania in 1989.

A group of former loyals will put him on trial for few minutes and kill him.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:42 | 3390092 kaiserhoff

Why is that a bad feeling?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:53 | 3390134 ekm

I know what you mean but, I don't feel like wishing anybody's death.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:16 | 3390748 TBT or not TBT

Oh good lord, this is a comedy happening here. Laugh.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:15 | 3390252 Toronto Kid

This is precisely the reason why he's rattling the sabres right now; his position is threatened and this always translates into a coup by one's Generals. He either keeps them busy with make-work, or they oust him and probably put him up against a wall and shoot him.

He's even got China rattled with all his recent posturing. If you are attempting to run North Korea, you don't upset the Chinese, unless your back is against the wall.

If he continues to make folks believe that he means to start war with the United States, the Chinese will take him out. The Chinese do not need nor want that kind of fuss in their back yard.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:28 | 3390523 formadesika3

Woulda been fun to be a fly on the wall when they sat him down and explained exactly how he would be expected to play the tune.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:10 | 3391029 css1971

He's doing this with the tacit approval of China.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:14 | 3389986 Anonymouse

Dear mssrs Parker and Stone, I am twice as evir as my father. Prease to be writing song about me or I wirr destroy the garaxy.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:20 | 3390012 dracos_ghost

You're breaking my bawls Barack, you're breaking my bawls.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:29 | 3390046 a growing concern

Trembre!! Trembre in fear of your grorious reader!!!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:45 | 3390098 McMolotov

"Get me Arec Barrwin on rine one."

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389992 SgtSchultz

What is in the picture frame on the desk?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:21 | 3390013 nonclaim

Mickey Mouse?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:24 | 3390035 SgtSchultz

Picture of his mother? She would be so proud.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:15 | 3390741 FrozenOut

Made it Ma! Top of the world! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjVWORC3Wcc

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:26 | 3390040 ApollyonDestroy

Grandpappy!!!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:31 | 3390053 Aknownymouse

The hot north Korean babe he is trying to impress of course. First he was hanging with a famous basket ball player from all those Jordan team reruns they have on korean tv, but nothing. Then he started waiving his toy nukes and still nothing. If only this hot girl would go out with him, we would have world peace.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:01 | 3390193 Oldballplayer

He is an idiot. The little Korean, trying to impress a hot chickie...brings in Rodman? Rodman is built like a monster. That chickie gets a look at Rodman's package, Kim don't stand a chance. Rodman's dick is probably bigger than Kim.. Not Kim's dick...his whole Kim body.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:16 | 3389994 LouisCyprien

Dear Barack,

Stop saying North Korea is starving, it has Apples to feed its people. What else would we need?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:18 | 3389999 THE DORK OF CORK

Oranges of course.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3389995 Yen Cross

Hunger. That little quack might just do something stupid. The rest of the world is watching. ( IRAN )

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:31 | 3390050 optionsman

true that. at some point these NKs will have less to lose than to gain assuming there military is hungry enough to fight.....

just saying...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3389996 Tsunami Wave

Dearest Dennis,

Why you no return my phone calls, texts, or emails? You won't accept my facebook friend request.... tell me... TELL ME, is it something I did?!?!? What is it! I swear we can work it out.. I CAN CHANGE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Yours forever,

- Kim-Jung Un

xoxoxo

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:29 | 3390047 Yes_Questions

P.S.

Thanks for the photo and automatic air freshener. I keep them on my desk.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:18 | 3389997 Mr. Dew

Glorious Leader fills out his ACME order blank.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:18 | 3390001 lizzy36

Send Dennis Rodman back as a human shield.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:39 | 3390080 disabledvet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCW1i5HQ0o0

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:48 | 3390113 kaiserhoff

and Madonna, and Lady Gargoyle. Oh shit, let's just box up all the celebrities. They love the campy commie thang.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390150 knukles

Best idea of Easter Week... Sorta Biblical why can't we al just get along crap. Can you see John Travolta trying to pick up a Korean bar tender? Or LiLo asking around for blow?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:14 | 3391166 Headbanger

Stop reading my mind!! Or what's left of it..

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3390003 HardwoodAg

If I only buy 1 twinkie on eBay, I can still get fuel for three of my tanks.

If I photoshop the picture of one tank to look like 4, that leaves enough for....

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:18 | 3390005 Iamzlatan

Must finish homework before class starts.

Pen is mightier than a long distance rocket.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:18 | 3390007 Coke and Hookers

"James Bond has discoveled our horrowed-out vorcano base! Raunch the lockets!"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:19 | 3390008 silentlurker

Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never thought I'd be writing you, but .....

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:42 | 3390090 Yes_Questions

That's funny right there. Reminds of the Dennis Miller Rants from back in the day..

+1998

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:07 | 3390222 SnobGobbler

must...corror...in...da..rines. why is war so hard to coror??

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:20 | 3390010 DangerClams

The Yonhap article is worth reading, there's a much better picture of the completely fucking stupid Kim posing with 4 generals, and there's a big paper PowerPoint behind them, talking about striking the US with missiles. Shouldn't this clown just be taken out behind the barn and shot? Then at least the North Koreans would have a chance of not starving to death at the point of a bayonet.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:42 | 3390089 disabledvet

yeah well..."wait 'till they fire those stupid missiles" just cuz the only thing they ever learned in life was how to piss people off.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:09 | 3390230 SnobGobbler

his generals are trying to "bush" their way to wwiii

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:24 | 3390294 Matt

The <strike> Duchy of Grand Fenwick </strike> People's Democratic Republic of Korea decides that the only way to get out of their economic woes is to declare war on the United States, lose and accept foreign aid.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:24 | 3390014 erg

I like the tactical map in the background.

Projectiles to continue in triangular, closed-loop pattern until corrapse into ocean.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:22 | 3390016 Mox E