North Korea Says It Enters "War" Against South Korea, And North Korea Kaption Kontest

Tyler Durden's picture


Ordinarily this would be Good Friday humor (unless we are very wrong, and it turns out to be Good Friday Global Thermonuclear War) because when one cries wolf a few too many times, this is what happens (from Yonhap):

North Korea announced Saturday that it has entered a state of war against South Korea.


In a special statement, the North said it will deal with every inter-Korean issue in a wartime manner.

And... nothing. In fact, if the market was open the ES would likely ramp limit up on the non-news. By now the world is so numb to the constant provocations by North Korea's confused leader, who is desperate to be finally paid off as nuisance value by the Western powers, that the most he can extract from anyone is laughter when one wonders if the iMac sitting on the desk of glorious leader wasn't hacked by some brand new FBI-launched virus issuing world war 8-Ks and press releases (although with the Ethernet cable unplugged, "no risk" of that as Geithner would say).

Speaking of, here is tonight's caption contest:

Glorious leader hard at work hatching his devious global domination plans.

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Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:09 | 3389965 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

and the last nuke is for Florida Gulf Coast University for busting my NCAA bracket

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:11 | 3389975 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

Why would I want billions, when I can have millions?  How do you spell "War"? 

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389989 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

For the love of God, where's Rodman?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3390000 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

Dennis Rodman uttered the mind control trigger word "frootloops" to Kim Jong-Un to start this mess.

And Madonna uttered the word "pyramidz" to trigger Rodman.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:22 | 3390025 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Wasn't there a Kids in the Hall skit that covered this?



Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:34 | 3390060 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

He needs Baghdad Bob to help getting out his message.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:35 | 3390068 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

"back in the thick of playing the Great Game"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:37 | 3390077 Atlas_shrugging
Atlas_shrugging's picture

I want a hamburger, no a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog, I want potato chips, I want---

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:49 | 3390100 knukles
knukles's picture

"I kill all you flukring preeprees that flukring Knurels mage fun how re spreek hall re thryme, flukher.
You no ret Knukres spleek Klowreean troprik hor I kirr ru hall.
Ru say say what what again mouffelfluker fluker."

See, I toldja he's a kook... Bet he's been put up to all this shit by Paul Krugman.... Gettin a broke window chubby :),

PS. Does anybody else keep getting these make a choice about gay Boy Scout adds? They're disturbing... No?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:50 | 3390117 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Oh, man, this Poli Sci paper is due tomorrow.  I'm so screwed.  I got nothin'.  I wish my Dad was here.

Oh, wait.  If I declare war I can probably get an extension.  And if the prof won't give me one, I'll just have him killed!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:05 | 3390446 erg
erg's picture

He must have his own M*A*S*H equivalent to Radar or Klinger.

Ya know. someone who can quickly acquire Ukranian hookers and Beluga caviar.

Maybe even score some Adam's ribs.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:10 | 3390471 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

great episode

He certainly isn't writing "It's nice to be nice to the nice" but may be writing "Unless we follow our leaders blindly, we can never be truly free."

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:26 | 3390517 Sylvia Plath
Sylvia Plath's picture

Anyone notice the iMac on his desk!?

Long live jobs"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:57 | 3390583 Big Slick
Big Slick's picture

"One MEEEElion Dolars!"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 00:00 | 3390713 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

...and clam chowder, and a large bowl of chili con carne, and a side order of bacon, with sour cream, and cream-filled doughnuts, ice cream with marshmallow topping, and chocolate syrup, and...


Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:20 | 3391043 Manthong
Manthong's picture

“Um.. how you sprell Apro Wun?”

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:51 | 3391134 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

"I am constipated and my great North Korean physicians state that radiation will solve the problem"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:07 | 3391155 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

'Pleez you no void iMac warranty when we nuke you dog faces soon then crush wind pipes!! Ha!"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:26 | 3390520 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Obummer should make Dennis Rodman the official North Korea Ambassador.  Then send the Harlem Globetrotters there once a year to keep the peace.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:43 | 3391060 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Obama should resign the Presidency & become a Harlem Globetrotter... But he's more likely to end up as a Washington General...

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3390124 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Wasn't he the guy that made that Gangnum Style video??

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3390149 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

We're supposed to be good at this math shit.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:59 | 3390171 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Uhhmmm three letters...

Starts with U and ends with A...Uhhhmmm

Clue: pain-in-my-ass...Uhhhmmm

Hate the crossword puzzle!!!

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:27 | 3390521 rfaze
rfaze's picture

Buy Gold...Check

Short E mini....Check

Attack South.....Check

Buy U.S. and declare victory.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 04:01 | 3390918 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

"Who's been arrested in your town?  Find Out Here"  Mug shots everywhere else.  Or "Find an Attorney.  Never been arrested btw.  Not amused!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 03:10 | 3390906 SilverFish
SilverFish's picture


Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:00 | 3391330 Lendo
Lendo's picture

One of the best movies ever

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:01 | 3391336 Mike7.62
Mike7.62's picture

You'll get nothing and like it!

Ahh shi'ite, somebody beat me to it.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:39 | 3390083 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

He may be crazy but he could redeem himself by selling some nukes to Iran so they can obliterate israel.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:54 | 3390708 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

And Israel counter nukes all their enemies at once, Iran included.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:56 | 3390970 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

how wise was general marshall and how shortsighted president truman.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3390119 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

(wannabe) freemason; but, definitely, not 33rd degree; if correct

Note the hand

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:41 | 3391057 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture

To win this free trip, all you need to do is write down three(3)reasons why you would like to go to Disneyland, and then mail your response to Postal Box...etcetera...


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:34 | 3390062 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And Carmen Electra whispered "give it to me baby" and even though it caused the war to begin in the Korean Penninsula resulting in untold casualties and the massed movements of "mega forces" the only thing we all remember is the cops being called and the twitter feeds that followed.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:52 | 3390569 espirit
espirit's picture

Isn't that a mighty small penis pump on his desk?

or Light Sabre?

or Dildo?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390175 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Didn't that drive Saddam insane??

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:13 | 3390065 Mercury
Mercury's picture

...and den I take dat gold...(scribble-scribble)...

Give it to Woid Wankfien for his magic ewha-phants...(scribble-scribble)...

and den I...


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:58 | 3390173 Banksters
Banksters's picture

If I pretend a wrage war can I play x box?

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:46 | 3390683 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Fruk it! I wanted Scarrett with the big rips...

and they sent me Dennis with the bigger rips...

Oh, I'm sooo ronery!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 05:18 | 3390949 Caggge
Caggge's picture

If I study hard and pass the GED test, people will respect me.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:15 | 3389990 surf0766
surf0766's picture

It is spelled 'MOAR"

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:50 | 3390123 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:19 | 3389991 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture


Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:43 | 3390073 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

I guess the little phucker doesn't care if he jacks up March Madness by starting a nuclear war.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:46 | 3390108 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

I kind of like the guy. No subterfuge, no mealy-mouthed BS, just fuck you enemies we' ll go to war. He wouldn't do well in the corporate world but that's to his credit.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 21:29 | 3390314 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

With all his antics, MSNBC should give him his own TV show alongside Cramer, Sharpton, Maddow, that tingly feeling up his leg guy (what's his name? is it Hardball Up His Ass), and The ED Show starring Ed the talking horse.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 22:19 | 3390505 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

You're right, isn't that how it's suppose to work? You go Sheen or Honey Boo Boo and they give you a TV show. I'd watch that crazy SOB every week.

Fri, 03/29/2013 - 23:28 | 3390663 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Sorry, it would never work...

He'd never fit in with all the Obama lovers on MSNBC.

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