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North Korea Says It Enters "War" Against South Korea, And North Korea Kaption Kontest

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Ordinarily this would be Good Friday humor (unless we are very wrong, and it turns out to be Good Friday Global Thermonuclear War) because when one cries wolf a few too many times, this is what happens (from Yonhap):

North Korea announced Saturday that it has entered a state of war against South Korea.

 

In a special statement, the North said it will deal with every inter-Korean issue in a wartime manner.

And... nothing. In fact, if the market was open the ES would likely ramp limit up on the non-news. By now the world is so numb to the constant provocations by North Korea's confused leader, who is desperate to be finally paid off as nuisance value by the Western powers, that the most he can extract from anyone is laughter when one wonders if the iMac sitting on the desk of glorious leader wasn't hacked by some brand new FBI-launched virus issuing world war 8-Ks and press releases (although with the Ethernet cable unplugged, "no risk" of that as Geithner would say).

Speaking of, here is tonight's caption contest:

Glorious leader hard at work hatching his devious global domination plans.

 

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Sat, 03/30/2013 - 07:57 | 3391073 Salt
Salt's picture

"I'm probably going to show up in a Hitler parody soon. Everyone is laughing at me."

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:00 | 3391077 grekko
grekko's picture

Caption:  Somebody get me another donut!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:04 | 3391081 wedgeseeds
wedgeseeds's picture

"Deeear Meesteer Bond"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:21 | 3391101 MyBrothersKeeper
MyBrothersKeeper's picture

"Finally!, time to list the positive and negatives of getting nosering that Rodman suggests.....have to overweigh how American ladies will view me different.."

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 08:38 | 3391116 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

These missile codes are like.......   28 letters long!!   WTF!  capacity for human error!

 

Im changing these now since we only need two letters:      GO

 

 

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 09:33 | 3391183 Number 156
Number 156's picture

Do you think anyone will notice that I still dont know how to use a computer?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:08 | 3391224 T-NUTZ
T-NUTZ's picture

I will not threaten global nuclear war on the Korean peninsula

I will not threaten global nuclear war on the Korean peninsula

I will not threaten gl

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:16 | 3391235 WoodMizer
WoodMizer's picture

Goddamn Americans killed my World of Warcraft avatar; I spend years building up.
I show dem; dis mreans WAR!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:20 | 3391242 TrulyStupid
TrulyStupid's picture

Ahem:

The 1953 armistice was only a ceasefire agreement, not a formal peace treaty ending the war.. so technically this news release is not news at all...only the MSM pushing the fear button by misquoting the text of the NK statement.

 

"The sky is falling, the sky is falling"

-Chicken Little

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:34 | 3391274 LongBallsShortBrains
LongBallsShortBrains's picture

Why my money in Cyprus gone????

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:34 | 3391276 jubber
jubber's picture

5 Down 5 letters, A total nuclear wasteland  K - - - - A

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:34 | 3391277 ebailey5
ebailey5's picture

Hermit Kingdom now led by short-dick man.  Blusters the same way as drunk in a bar.  Reality hits with the first bust to the chops.  Place on ignore.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:50 | 3391306 creeko
creeko's picture

There will be no war... it's just a bunch of booga booga.  Does anyone else besides me see that?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:52 | 3391313 creeko
creeko's picture

no asteroid, no plague, no war, no nothing.  Just you wait and see.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 10:58 | 3391328 johngaltinvestments
johngaltinvestments's picture

Caption: Kansas just fucked up my March Madness bracket. This organization will not tolerate failure. When people fail, they DIE. Bomb Kansas First. Bring Toto back alive....I want a snack!!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:13 | 3391354 rwe2late
rwe2late's picture

 ZH should be more circumspect before repeating as though true the unreliable mainstream news versions of what was actually said.

This so-called Korean "quote" appears to be essentially propaganda designed to feed the prejudices of Western readers.

http://www.globalresearch.ca/from-korean-into-english-north-koreas-state-of-war-may-have-the-result-of-faulty-translation/5329040

This is the same tactic that has been used to promote unwarranted antipathy toward Iran. The fabricated "wipe Israel off the map" quote is repeated over and again though never said by Ahmadinejad.

 

http://www.mohammadmossadegh.com/news/rumor-of-the-century/ 

 

 

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:09 | 3391361 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

let's see, I think we'll fire missiles here, here, here...

oh yeah...and here too.

then we all run underground here.

now when I say "we" I mean you guys of course, I already have plans to spend a few decades on my new private island.

got it really cheap too, though I may have to change the name...

 

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:26 | 3391408 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

"That bastard that killed my shaman in WoW is fuckin dead!"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 11:40 | 3391447 Whatta
Whatta's picture

 

 

X O X

X  X O

X O X

"Ha, I win again. Now I nuke Uhmerica to celebrate"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 12:17 | 3391534 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Actual state declaration in Korean. Apparently in the new normal nation states declare war on twitter now.

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23DPRK&src=hash

http://soundcloud.com/voa-korea/wardeclaration

Full war declaration statement from DPRK (via KCNA):

The moves of the U.S. imperialists to violate the sovereignty of the DPRK and encroach upon its supreme interests have entered an extremely grave phase. Under this situation, the dear respected Marshal Kim Jong Un, brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu, convened an urgent operation meeting on the performance of duty of the Strategic Rocket Force of the Korean People's Army for firepower strike and finally examined and ratified a plan for firepower strike.

The important decision made by him is the declaration of a do-or-die battle to provide an epochal occasion for putting an end to the history of the long-standing showdown with the U.S. and opening a new era. It is also a last warning of justice served to the U.S., south Korean group and other anti-reunification hostile forces. The decision reflects the strong will of the army and people of the DPRK to annihilate the enemies.

Now the heroic service personnel and all other people of the DPRK are full of surging anger at the U.S. imperialists' reckless war provocation moves, and the strong will to turn out as one in the death-defying battle with the enemies and achieve a final victory of the great war for national reunification true to the important decision made by Kim Jong Un.

The Supreme Command of the KPA in its previous statement solemnly declared at home and abroad the will of the army and people of the DPRK to take decisive military counteraction to defend the sovereignty of the country and the dignity of its supreme leadership as regards the war moves of the U.S. and south Korean puppets that have reached the most extreme phase.

Not content with letting B-52 make sorties into the sky over south Korea in succession despite the repeated warnings of the DPRK, the U.S. made B-2A stealth strategic bomber and other ultra-modern strategic strike means fly from the U.S. mainland to south Korea to stage a bombing drill targeting the DPRK. This is an unpardonable and heinous provocation and an open challenge.

By taking advantage of the U.S. reckless campaign for a nuclear war against the DPRK, the south Korean puppets vociferated about "preemptive attack" and "strong counteraction" and even "strike at the commanding forces", openly revealing the attempt to destroy monuments symbolic of the dignity of the DPRK's supreme leadership.

This clearly shows that the U.S. brigandish ambition for aggression and the puppets' attempt to invade the DPRK have gone beyond the limit and their threats have entered the reckless phase of an actual war from the phase of threat and blackmail.

The prevailing grim situation more clearly proves that the Supreme Command of the KPA was just when it made the judgment and decision to decisively settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists and south Korean puppets by dint of the arms of Songun, because time when words could work has passed.

Now they are openly claiming that the B-2A stealth strategic bombers' drill of dropping nuclear bombs was "not to irritate the north" but "the defensive one". The U.S. also says the drill is "to defend the interests of its ally". However, it is nothing but a lame pretext to cover up its aggressive nature, evade the denunciation at home and abroad and escape from the DPRK's retaliatory blows.

The era when the U.S. resorted to the policy of strength by brandishing nuclear weapons has gone.

It is the resolute answer of the DPRK and its steadfast stand to counter the nuclear blackmail of the U.S. imperialists with merciless nuclear attack and their war of aggression with just all-out war.

They should clearly know that in the era of Marshal Kim Jong Un, the greatest-ever commander, all things are different from what they used to be in the past.

The hostile forces will clearly realize the iron will, matchless grit and extraordinary mettle of the brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu that the earth cannot exist without Songun Korea.

Time has come to stage a do-or-die final battle.

The government, political parties and organizations of the DPRK solemnly declare as follows reflecting the final decision made by Kim Jong Un at the operation meeting of the KPA Supreme Command and the unanimous will of all service personnel and people of the DPRK who are waiting for a final order from him.

1.From this moment, the north-south relations will be put at the state of war and all the issues arousing between the north and the south will be dealt with according to the wartime regulations.

The state of neither peace nor war has ended on the Korean Peninsula.

Now that the revolutionary armed forces of the DPRK have entered into an actual military action, the inter-Korean relations have naturally entered the state of war. Accordingly, the DPRK will immediately punish any slightest provocation hurting its dignity and sovereignty with resolute and merciless physical actions without any prior notice.

2. If the U.S. and the south Korean puppet group perpetrate a military provocation for igniting a war against the DPRK in any area including the five islands in the West Sea of Korea or in the area along the Military Demarcation Line, it will not be limited to a local war, but develop into an all-out war, a nuclear war.

It is self-evident that any military conflict on the Korean Peninsula is bound to lead to an all-out war, a nuclear war now that even U.S. nuclear strategic bombers in its military bases in the Pacific including Hawaii and Guam and in its mainland are flying into the sky above south Korea to participate in the madcap DPRK-targeted nuclear war moves.

The first strike of the revolutionary armed forces of the DPRK will blow up the U.S. bases for aggression in its mainland and in the Pacific operational theatres including Hawaii and Guam and reduce not only its military bases in south Korea but the puppets' ruling institutions including Chongwadae and puppet army's bases to ashes at once, to say nothing of the aggressors and the provokers.

3. The DPRK will never miss the golden chance to win a final victory in a great war for national reunification.

This war will not be a three day-war but it will be a blitz war through which the KPA will occupy all areas of south Korea including Jeju Island at one strike, not giving the U.S. and the puppet warmongers time to come to their senses, and a three-dimensional war to be fought in the air, land and seas and on the front line and in the rear.

This sacred war of justice will be a nation-wide, all-people resistance involving all Koreans in the north and the south and overseas in which the traitors to the nation including heinous confrontation maniacs, warmongers and human scum will be mercilessly swept away.

No force on earth can break the will of the service personnel and people of the DPRK all out in the just great war for national reunification and of all other Koreans and overpower their might.

Holding in high esteem the peerlessly great men of Mt. Paektu, the Korean people will give vent to the pent-up grudge and realize their cherished desire and thus bring a bright day of national reunification and build the best power on this land without fail

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 12:24 | 3391555 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

https://twitter.com/W7VOA

The "war declaration" special statement was, however, repeated at 1500 KST today on radio.

 

Question is are they just doing the rabid dog act or has rabies actually set in and they are frothing at the mouth.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 12:29 | 3391571 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Has it ever occured to anyone that the threats by Kim are no worse than the constant threats made by Israel and the USA against Iran?

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 15:05 | 3391915 ableman28
ableman28's picture

Or, vice versa.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 12:36 | 3391593 dot_bust
dot_bust's picture

The guy kind of went apeshit after we sent Dennis Rodman to meet with him. I think he was expecting Madeleine Albright or someone else of equally important political stature.

I picture Kim Jong-un standing on the runway at the airport patiently. Alongside him, there was probably a band that began playing honorary music as the American plane coasted to a stop. And little Jong-un probably said, "The Americans sent us a very important diplomat, but they wouldn't give us the name. Strike up the band!"

And the airplane door opened and out stepped Dennis Rodman, who said: "What's up, man?"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 13:02 | 3391642 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Oh...why I bet on Georgetown, Gahdammit!"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 13:39 | 3391723 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

We are all aware that the US needs its enemies to further its arms industry, but enough with this snot nosed teenager with his finger on "the button".

 

Call the CIA and poison this little puke (like they did Chavez) and merge the two into one - call it......Korea.

 

Fucking sick of listening to this teenager bitch about the mess he creates himself.  Vaporize the fat little fucker!!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 13:52 | 3391752 iceman59
iceman59's picture

Ok, let's see.........hmmm........ the clue is feline and it is a 3 letter word. Ok I have C _ T , dammit this is supposed to be an Easy crossword. Someone's head is gonna roll over this!

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 14:26 | 3391825 Gerbal Venius
Gerbal Venius's picture

"What?!? No points value for dog head soup...???"

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 15:02 | 3391910 ableman28
ableman28's picture

First, torture fucking barber.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 16:38 | 3392134 jldpc
jldpc's picture

The bigger the hats/caps on the generals, the smaller the dick. Move on...............they got no breadth nor depth.

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 16:48 | 3392166 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Give the man a break, he's just trying to compute is AAPL losses (isn't that an iMac, in there?)...

Sat, 03/30/2013 - 18:34 | 3392388 WaltzTangoFoxtrot
WaltzTangoFoxtrot's picture

"I just figured out that I always win Tic-tac-toe when I play with my Generals!  Now, if I could only beat myself!"

Sun, 03/31/2013 - 02:39 | 3393007 Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

Dear Mr. Bernanke,

How you do that?

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!