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For Cyprus, The Pain Is Only Just Starting

Tyler Durden's picture


If the suffering, yet docile, Cypriot serfs thought deposit confiscation would be the end of their problems under the European feudal system, they are about to be shocked. Because as part of their banking sector bailout, the country is set to get a "loan" from the Troika, a loan which comes with a Memorandum of Understanding, aka a "blueprint for austerity", with dictates terms for government revenue increases and spending cuts (of the variety that nearly caused America's leader to blow a gasket when he was describing the untold devastation that would result if the rate of acceleration in US budget spending dared to be slowed down even by a tiny bit). Today, a draft of the revised Cypriot MOU being prepared by the head of the IMF mission to the island nation, Delia Velculescu, leaked and can be found in its 24 page entirety here. However, for the benefit of our Cypriot readers, here is the important part: the listing of the anticipated austerity tsunami coming, not to mention healthcare system, "pension reform" changes and other proposals the ECB and the IMF are imposing on Cyprus as part of their generosity to keep the recently insolvent country as a well-behaving serf in the Eurozone.

Key highlights:

  • Freeze public sector pensions
  • Increase the statutory retirement age by 2 years for the various categories of employees
  • Reduce preferential treatment of specific groups of employees, like members of the army and police force, in the occupational pension plans, in particular concerning the contribution to the lump-sum benefits;
  • Reduce certain benefits and privileges for state officials and senior government officials, in particular by
    suspending the right to travel first/business class by state officials,
    senior government officials and employees with the exception of
    transatlantic travel.
  • Increase excise duties on energy, i.e., on oil products, by increasing tax rate on motor fuels (petrol and gasoil) by EUR 0.07
  • Increase the standard VAT rate from 17% to 18%.
  • Introduce a tax of 20% on gains distributed to winners of betting by the National Lottery for winnings of EUR 5,000 or more
  • Increase fees for public services by at least 17% of the current values
  • Increase excise duties on tobacco products, in particular on fine-cut smoking tobacco, from EUR 60/kg to EUR 150/kg. Increase excise duties on cigarettes by EUR 0.20/per packet of 20 cigarettes.
  • Introduce a permanent contribution of 3% on pensionable earnings to Widows and Orphans Fund by state officials who are entitled to a pension and gratuity. Introduce a contribution of 6.8% on pensionable earnings by officials, who are entitled to a pension and gratuity but are not covered by the government's pension scheme or any other similar plan;
  • Actuarially reducing pension entitlements from the General Social Insurance Scheme by 0.5% per month for retirements earlier than the statutory retirement age at the latest from January 2013, in line with the planned increase in the minimum age for entitlement to an unreduced pension to reach 65 (by 6 months per year), between 2013 and 2016;
  • Ensure a reduction of seasonal hourly paid employees by 992 from 1806 in 2012 to 814.
  • Implement a four-year plan as prepared by the Public Administration and Personnel Department aimed at the abolition of at least 1880 permanent posts over the period 2013-2016.
  • Ensure additional revenues from property taxation of at least 70 million by updating the 1980 prices through application of the CPI index for the period 1980 to 2012
  • Increase the statutory corporate income tax rate to 12.5%; Increase the tax rate on interest and dividend income to 30%.
  • Increase the bank levy on deposits raised by banks and credit institutions in Cyprus from 0.11% to 0.15% with 25/60 of the revenue earmarked for a special account for a Financial Stability Fund
  • Undertake a reform of the tax system for motor vehicles, based on environmentally-friendly principles, with a view to raising additional revenues, through the annual road tax, the registration fee and excise duties, including motor fuel duties.
  • Ensure a reduction in total outlays for social transfers by at least EUR 113 million through: (a) the abolition of a number of redundant and overlapping schemes such as the mothers allowance, other family allowances and educational allowances; and (b) the abolition of supplementary allowances under public assistance, the abolition of the special grant and the streamlining of the Easter allowance for pensioners.
  • Ensure a reduction of at least EUR 29 million in the total outlays of allowances for employees in the public and broader public sector by i) taxing pensionable allowances provided to senior government officials and employees (secretarial services, representation, and hospitality allowances) in the public and broader public sector  ii) reducing the allowances provided to broader public sector employees and reducing all other allowances of broader public sector employees, government officials and hourly paid employees by 15%; and iii) reducing the daily overseas subsistence allowance for business trips by 15%. Ensure a further reduction the subsistence allowance of the current allowance when lunch/dinner is offered by 50% (20% - 45% of overseas subsistence allowance instead of 40% - 90% currently paid).

And last but not least:

  • Increase excise duties on beer by 25% from EUR 4.78 per hl to EUR 6.00 per hl per degree of pure alcohol of final product. Increase excise duties on ethyl alcohol from EUR 598.01 to EUR 956.82 per hl of pure alcohol.

So the stronger the booze, and the faster it gets one drunk, the more expensive is will be.

In brief: for the Cypriot serfs the pain is just starting.

Troika Draft MOU source


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Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:13 | 3397494 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Things like this make me want to buy more silver.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:24 | 3397522 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hell, Barry got more horror stories than that out of the sequester.  God save the Easter Egg Hunt!

I'm glad they are only going after "redundant and overlapping" welfare payments.  /sarc.

Government will be the last thing anyone cuts.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:28 | 3397540 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

If by "silver" you mean "ammunition", then yes, I agree.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:39 | 3397579 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

This is the template.  This is the "wish list"

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:42 | 3397584 mikla
mikla's picture

And, if anybody believes the words written on paper, they are crazy.

This "contract" will be rewritten, arbitrarily, and not in the Cypriot's interest.  Whenever the Troika decides it feels like it.

There is no contract.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:49 | 3397602 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

-John Donne

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:20 | 3397697 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

If you want a vision of the future of Cyprus, imagine a german boot stamping on a cypriot face....for ever.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:48 | 3397892 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Don't worry you poor CYPRIOTS... It'll all be over soon...


We're fucking JEWS ~ MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE... [HATED by most]...

Your suffering will be short lived... SOON ~ We take over your little pathetic island [CLOSE TO OUR TERRITORIAL pathetic litttle homeland ~ which we STOLE by treaty]....


If you have any questions ~ please contact the CITY OF LONDON & THE PENTAGON...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 23:10 | 3398219 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

OK, we get it. You wear a burkha and a nazi armband.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:55 | 3397614 Cojones
Cojones's picture

Go figure: All these measures have long been imposed in the Netherlands and believe it or not, the sheeple never complained. S never HTF. What's happening in Cyprus now, are everyday facts in Germany, The Netherlands and Scandinavia. 

21% VAT, €5.80 for a pack of 19 Luckies, €1.75 for a litre of regular. 

My point? The Cypriots will get used to this enslavement and will join the Dutch and Germans in singing Kumbaya, huddled around a campfire of Euro bills.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:06 | 3397647 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

Mexican guy with a restaurant in town. He has a cash machine in the entrance and only takes cash.  FYI!

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 10:56 | 3399551 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

And I bet you he owns the ATM and makes another 4.5% per transaction!

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:07 | 3397935 Jethro
Jethro's picture

I'd hoped for more from my northern cousins. I guess that Tuetonic spark is gone. May their chains rest lightly....

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 04:09 | 3398560 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

True Story, (working) Germans are paying through the nose to keep their Welfare state going and most are unhappy about it (yet dont loudly complain nor even try to vote against it), the human is an irreparable condition

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 23:16 | 3398236 BooMushroom
BooMushroom's picture

Troika: "We have altered the deal. Pray we do not alter it further."

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:11 | 3397663 sunnydays
sunnydays's picture

The Iceland solution is better than that list!  I really hope the parliament comes to the correct decision and tells the EU to Stuff it!

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:54 | 3397908 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

I was ok with it until the beer tax came up

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 22:32 | 3398151 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Time for Cypriots to grow their own weed and tobacco.

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 10:58 | 3399558 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

My thoughts exactly! "Hello!" to bootlegging.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:01 | 3397784 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

please tell me where you are buying ammo at decent prices.........

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:07 | 3397933 graspAU
graspAU's picture

and if by "silver" you mean bourbon and vodka, then yes, I agree.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:46 | 3397596 booboo
booboo's picture

"Government will be the last thing anyone cuts" .....but it will be cut

(See Greece,) and Stockton Californication. Public Sector serfs will be slaughtered just like in Greece, see the game plan is keep the pedal to the metal in every country until each one, one after the other goes off the cliff. Americans will be sitting in their chairs eating their buttered popcorn thinking "those poor bastards" as the grim reaper slides in behind them. Even to the very last one they will be saying, "at least my pension is safe"



Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:36 | 3397721 max2205
max2205's picture

Troika needs to visit ca il mi nj md fl ny ect

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:06 | 3397931 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Who, in their right mind, cuts themselves?


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 23:19 | 3398244 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

this is a trick question.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:04 | 3397643 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

I think most of the demands a reasonable. They are aimed at slashing gov expenditures and shrinking its size. I would only like to see also mandatory death sentences for bankers found guilty - of anything.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:38 | 3397728 daxtonbrown
daxtonbrown's picture

How is this course different than the crushing of Germany after the Armistice? Thank God Bernanke and those running the ECB are smarter than we mortals or we'd be SOL.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:17 | 3397823 Key-Rick
Key-Rick's picture

Because Cyprus can't print Euros.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 23:24 | 3398252 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

and it doesn't follow cyprus killing five million people, albeit largely soldiers.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:49 | 3397760 steve from virginia
steve from virginia's picture





@ Van Halen:


"Things like this make me want to buy more silver."


Things like this make me want to buy a machine gun.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:13 | 3397496 fourchan
fourchan's picture

the world that has been enslaved, by dishonest money, and international bankers, pain has just begun.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:41 | 3397529 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Shadow banking? More like shadow government itself.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:13 | 3397672 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture



Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:35 | 3397565 Stock Tips Inve...
Stock Tips Investment's picture

It is regrettable to see how European countries are falling. One after another, are entering crisis. Their governments bankrupt and banks fail. Unemployment rises and consumption falls. The rights disappear. And obligations increase. The people get depressed and start looking for the culprits. The government ... bankers ... investors. It's worth the search? No. It is better to take the medicine. Despite its bad taste, it is better to take it quickly.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:14 | 3397500 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

They're gonna need a bigger boat... to get everyone the fuck off that island.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:18 | 3397508 machineh
machineh's picture

They're gonna need a bigger boat... to get all them euros the fuck off that island.

fixed it ... shall we partner on a fast cigarette boat?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:25 | 3397530 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Long pirate enterprises.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:30 | 3397555 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Pirates did't loot their hangouts-

The best part for me is the Cypriots still haven't hanged anyone.

That means they still don't understand what's happening...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:03 | 3397640 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Yes, all them little boats running arms into Lebanon and Syria nearby, can detour for a little Cyprus money-running action

One thing Greeks and Cypriots both understand, is how to run a little boat discreetly

And I wonder if the Cypriot plan is to just pretend to play along, while continuing to withdraw all their euros, maybe even till everyone with € 100,000 gets it all ... at € 300 max per day that will take 334 days

Tho all of the euro-zone is liable to blow up well before then

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:14 | 3397674 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

gobblygook! balderdash! bullshit baffling blunderbuss's of doom!

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:00 | 3397915 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

"OK folks...Let's calmly load the boats...Woman and children first...."   "oh wait"!    "Bankers and Politicians first!"

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:16 | 3397502 machineh
machineh's picture

So the stronger the booze, and the faster it gets one drunk, the more expensive is will be.

Fortunately hemp grows pretty well in Cyprus.

And the black market is tax free.

*blows a lazy smoke ring from the vape*

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:15 | 3397503 SemperFord
SemperFord's picture

Not just in Cyprus...just saying

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:30 | 3397546 fourchan
fourchan's picture

federal reserve system

not federal
has no reserves

and the system.
to enslave a free nation to debt and capture all assets
through boom and bust cycles it creates with debt created
out of thin air.
the system has been working perfectly for 98 years,
and it is still working perfectly.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:40 | 3397582 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

And how many chumps will feed the beast on the 15th?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:15 | 3397815 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Not Me.

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 00:13 | 3398335 fourchan
fourchan's picture

me either, i checked out around 2004, i decided why work to pay taxes when i can completely avoid it?

why not aid the destruction of the system of evil, im thinking of applying for an ebc card and applying for social security.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:27 | 3397542 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

Can I buy some rope?  I have...uh...something I need to hang!

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:03 | 3397793 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

Do they have high rises ? Gravity is a bitch !  So is concrete in an ocean !

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 23:22 | 3398245 BooMushroom
BooMushroom's picture

Cement is one of their main industries. And there are plenty of citrus trees to hang bankers from. If they ever set foot on the island.

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 11:06 | 3399591 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Hmmm. Cement, you say? Do they build shoes with it?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:15 | 3397504 Strider52
Strider52's picture

I thought slavery was abolished??

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:20 | 3397514 machineh
machineh's picture

It is.

And the Second Amendment says you can stroll down Fifth Avenue NYC with a Glock holstered on your belt.

The law is one thing; the reality is quite different.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:27 | 3397541 beefman
beefman's picture

Ah the middle class, the modern day house slave.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:47 | 3397599 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

That would be the press, who's job it is to convince the field niggers that the alternatives are worse, and to make an example of those who don't tow the line.


The slave quarters got cable tv and central air, but since the jails do too that's not really saying much. 

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:09 | 3397658 Tango in the Blight
Tango in the Blight's picture

Jones Plantation:

We are free because we have a "choice".

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:28 | 3397709 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

Thanks for posting this link.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:10 | 3397665 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

That is the great element of a democracy...Debt slaves choose slavery with a signed contract. Or you can fight the slave owners and die as a terrorist Or if you can not kill, suicide.

Hell, suicide started Arab spring so maybe Europe's turn. I can envision the future now, Obama provides the French opposition support against the tyrant Hollande....such a comedy.

What will be really funny, Putin providing support to the Obama opposition. The world is upside down! 

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:10 | 3397666 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

That is the great element of a democracy...Debt slaves choose slavery with a signed contract. Or you can fight the slave owners and die as a terrorist Or if you can not kill, suicide.

Hell, suicide started Arab spring so maybe Europe's turn. I can envision the future now, Obama provides the French opposition support against the tyrant Hollande....such a comedy.

What will be really funny, Putin providing support to the Obama opposition. The world is upside down! 

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:43 | 3397882 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Well, those are enormous burdens. but heck, it looks better than California.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:16 | 3397506 Mototard at Large
Mototard at Large's picture

Savers vs takers.  he pain in Cyprus is a good preview of what the next few years will look like everywhere else.   What we are seeing in Cyprus and Spain is unnerving for many people – especially savers. The government, the Banks and supra-national organizations are creating new policies that say they can take your savings

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:41 | 3397581 ronaldawg
ronaldawg's picture

Message is clear:  DON"T SAVE (unless it is under your mattress).

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 05:58 | 3398654 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

The sooner a critical mass figures this out, the soonner this farce comes to an end

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:18 | 3397509 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

It is obvious that the Troika and its minions want serfs. They want people in pain so they have control. None of this "solution" makes sense. I hope they get medieval.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:19 | 3397510 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Please Cyprus, please, just tell them to f**k off, things wouldn't be worse outside the Euro.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:22 | 3397516 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Unless the ECB, the IMF, the FED, and associated cabal of bankers are ended we are all their serfs.

Slave ships, chains, whips, slave auctions, plantations, clubs; who needs them?  Modern slave masters have the gavel and ledger.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:15 | 3397517 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Evanescence - Everybody's Fool (3:35)

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:39 | 3397730 Tango in the Blight
Tango in the Blight's picture

I find another world inside my mind.
When I realize the crazy things we do.
It makes me feel ashamed to be alive.
It makes me want to run away and hide.

Its all about the money,
its all about the dum dum duh dee dum dum.
I don't think its funny.
To see us fade away.
Its all about the money,
its all about the dum dum duh dee dum dum.
and I think we got it all wrong anyway.



Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:21 | 3397518 Hubbs
Hubbs's picture

The same kind of realization now by the Bankers and Central Govts can only be compared to the words uttered out of the Titanic's ship designer/engineer when he was called to evaluate the gash in the hull with 6 leaking compartments. With all the hoopla about the Titanic being unsinkable, it must have stunned the ship's officers when asked how much time did the Titanic have before it sank when he answered: "two hours...maybe three."

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:23 | 3397525 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Is there a Cypriot charity that takes Bitcoin?  Maybe the money would actually get to the people who need it.  

You may down-arrow away.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:24 | 3397824 Bennie Noakes
Bennie Noakes's picture

I was going to suggest one of my Instawallet addresses. But I am currently getting this message from them:


Down for Maintenance

We have detected a security breach. Services are temporarily suspended until we have thoroughly investigated the situation. We will resume services as soon as possible.

Please do not send funds to your address for the time being.

Stay tuned for further updates, thank you for your understanding.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:23 | 3397526 beefman
beefman's picture

My first comment on Zero Hedge AHEM:


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:39 | 3397578 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Very succinct analysis. I look forward to junking you.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:45 | 3397592 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

It's a tough crowd here, Beef....

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:02 | 3397635 Likstane
Likstane's picture

OK beef, now fight someone.  Pick someone out.  I'm not that smart, so I might be a good match.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:19 | 3397694 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Bad boys.You guys gonna junk a newbie right off the bat? Suppose he just forgets all this and goes back to CNN and American Idol? What if he takes Kramer's financial advice because you dissed him?Could you sleep at night? Geezz.. now go back to your room.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3397966 Catch-22
Catch-22's picture

Sorry... DARWINISM... you know...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:35 | 3398002 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

He's gotta be broke in right or he won't be worth anything -- Fight Club ya know.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 22:05 | 3398082 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Yea, but can't you be ..gentle?


Tue, 04/02/2013 - 00:05 | 3398310 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

No. :-[}

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:17 | 3397679 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Come on, dude — your first comment and you spell "damn" incorrectly? We all make spelling errors, but you gotta swear with precision, unless it's "bitchez."

"Feel free to misspell anything but the cuss words." —Mrs. Day, my kindergarten teacher*

* not really

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:34 | 3397862 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

LOL. this is why i love this place...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:58 | 3397916 Dane17
Dane17's picture

I never liked that beefman guy.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:26 | 3397532 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

So the troika has, in one masterful stroke, wiped out the savings of the frugal and prudent, imposed draconian capital controls (thereby eliminating any means or avenue of escape for productive individuals to other countries, the way said individuals fled Greece)  and sentenced the (now ensnared) population to generations of debt slavery. Because you don't want your most productive slaves fleeing the plantation. Well played, EU. Well played.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:11 | 3397668 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

And don't forget liquidated the bank accounts of many businesses, thus ensuring bankruptcy and rising unemployment.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:19 | 3397695 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

not as well played as the folks who got out "just prior" apparently. "the people that run the place"? really? "who's in charge now then?"

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:25 | 3397533 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

When the bankers yell "MOAR" everybody pays.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:52 | 3397901 Melin
Melin's picture

Whence comes this "moar" allusion?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:26 | 3397534 frenchie
frenchie's picture

coming very soon to a country where you live...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:39 | 3397574 Stuntgirl
Stuntgirl's picture

I was just thinking that about half of those have quietly and one by one already been implemented in Spain.

A very selected half, officials still obviously fly first class and splurge on dinners, while school lunches have been cut.

Hm. Not much left to demand, but I'm sure they'll get creative.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:07 | 3397797 Ribeye
Ribeye's picture

It's already a reality for me,

The Cypriots are about to learn how fckn enraging it is to hear Ministers just saying "we have to do this, it's in the MoU"

Over, and over, and over again,

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:25 | 3397535 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

I love the 20% tax on lottery! They should have just added more numbers, thereby reducing probability of winning, rather than mess around with a tax...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:57 | 3397616 mt paul
mt paul's picture

thought that was

a liberty tax...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:18 | 3397820 sethstorm
sethstorm's picture

That's called the cost difference between a First World country and a Third World country. 

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:40 | 3397871 Bennie Noakes
Bennie Noakes's picture

The Cyprus banks already provide all the excitement of a lottery. You deposit your money and if you are very lucky, you might be able to withdraw it again some day.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:30 | 3397544 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

wow...went through the first 14 pages...capping pensions at 50% of final salary, selling off electricty and ports, lots of stuff on property taxes (presumably in addition to city taxes)...cyprus will need an army of several hundred thousand peopel to set this infrastructure up in the time scales written here, and, probably, around 50,000 to maintain it.

so this is the bedding down of a european standard civil service

no way a low tax domiciled country can afford this

income taxes will have to go up to 50% to afford this european life taxes? well, if these aren't increased (denying the tax haven status) people will just have to form companies to avoid income tax...pretty much like hedge fund managers do in delaware (by forming partnerships) and in the caribbean.

loved this bit from page 15

Labour market reforms can mitigate the impact of the crisis on employment, limit the occurrence of long-term and youth unemployment, facilitate occupational mobility and contribute to improving the future resilience of the Cypriot economy in the face of adverse economic shocks.

just like in spain where there is 50% unemployment amongst the under 30's and 30% overall...same with greece ..and just wait..italy and france too


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:11 | 3397803 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

for the 100th time ad nauseum... Read Shock Doctrine.... These countries including USAA will be asset stripped via privatization... after fuckiking the employees and reducing any legacy costs to workers which would impact the bottom line for the saviors.  The prices paid on newly privatized industries will be criminal, but what isn't these days?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:29 | 3397548 Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

Too bad the sheeple will just take it and ask for more......and coming soon to Amerika

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:22 | 3397698 tokengator
tokengator's picture

but government will have to be reduced because it is not sustainable. It will happen via austerity or collapse...both suck



Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:30 | 3397550 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

When you are in a downward spiral can you see the bottom? 

Next up, again, SPAIN. 

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:30 | 3397554 chump666
chump666's picture

Dear Cypriots,

You have a choice, kill the EUR dead and start the collapse of the EU.  How?  Well you can vote your selfs out or you can do this:  use Euro's to buy silver, not coins, just small ingots  Create a barter society revolving around silver as the currency.  In other words boycott the EUR and covert to another currency (silver), this can be seen with the bitcoin spikes.  But the a-wipes will shut that down that 'net-cash' avenue eventually.

Your other choice is to buy up USDs like Argentina and China have been doing on black markets.

Choice is yours, be a slaves or be free.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:33 | 3397557 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

was spartacus a cypriot or a thracian? there is precedence

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:38 | 3397573 Room 101
Room 101's picture


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:47 | 3397598 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

the rest of the stuff is understandable from a fiscal persepctive...increase taxes, reduce spending and hope the blueprint works...

i wonder how many of the 2 milion tourists will return...there are plenty of places around the med that are competing, let alone florida, the canary islands, the caribbean, plus more "stay at homers".

if these drop by half...well..ack

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:16 | 3397681 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

If Cypriots made a serious move toward PMs as the means of exchange they would quickly be found to be financing terrorism.

As long as they play along they are just "a tax haven for oligarchs". If they move to PMs they'll get a near instantaneous bump up to "terrorist financiers".

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:44 | 3397587 chump666
chump666's picture

They have a f*cking awesome history. They were the first to create currency along with the Romans using silver.  Classical coins out of the middle east were all silver.  all they have to do is tap the silver, it's everywhere anyway.  Dump that ECB and NY FED controlled EUR into hell, the hedge funds will do the rest.

No one should be a slave.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:14 | 3397814 sethstorm
sethstorm's picture

No one should be a slave.

Shame that Russia and China won't listen to that advice, since that's the entire basis of their economy and policy.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:06 | 3397930 chump666
chump666's picture

Both countries in the next few years will close up again, iron curtain etc.  Especially China, a polluted, corrupt sh*thole.  Once the citizens start their revolts.  Russia could go all revolution at any-point. 


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:51 | 3397608 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture






(not that it worked in the 80's either, but it's worth a try...)


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:17 | 3397683 bichat
bichat's picture

I think this could really be a solution, I think people need to start some sort of civil disobedience...

They should also read Discourse on Voluntary Servitude by Etienne de La Boétie regarding that matter...

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:36 | 3397566 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

It would be interesting to see the change tracking properties and dates of this leaked MoU document. I bet the original draft version has date stamps of pre-March 2013..

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:38 | 3397569 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

So who gets the money from the Trioka loan? The same miscreants who "lost it" in the first place?


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:03 | 3397637 MrNude
MrNude's picture

That's the punchline.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:38 | 3397572 surf0766
surf0766's picture

RUN while you still can.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:41 | 3397580 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

and to think... this declaration, this mou, was written in 2012! a`maze' ing

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:48 | 3397603 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Banksters: We can legally raid all your accounts because according to Eric Holder we are above the law,

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:49 | 3397605 Pancho Villa
Pancho Villa's picture

Who will sign the Troika's "Terms of Surrender" agreement?

All of those provisions would need to be enacted into law. And there was not a single vote in the Cypriot legislature for the Troika's last proposal.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:58 | 3397620 B2u
B2u's picture

Sounds like a plan to use in Stockton.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:59 | 3397622 Scipionz
Scipionz's picture

'' Banks never allowed me a loan, how could I be in debt!?'' (sarc)

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:59 | 3397623 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Slightly OT but pretty good:

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 18:59 | 3397627 OneEyedJack
OneEyedJack's picture

Is their anything here that must be voted on by Parliment?


If not, then its game over

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:00 | 3397628 Krugger
Krugger's picture

Section 3.10 of "Immovable Property Tax Reform"

a further study on the scope of consolidating the collection and administration of the municipal recurrent property tax and sewage tax........  Sewage Tax !................ I Shit You Not !! .
Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:02 | 3397639 Hongcha
Hongcha's picture

How are their politicians and lawmakers are even breathing Cypriot air right now, is beyond me.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:14 | 3397675 Legolas
Legolas's picture

It's called gun control.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:16 | 3397656 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

a european technocrat

one for the times:

and to quote:

(1) When individuals are finitely lived and have habits which they pass on to their descendants, the dynamic response of a small open economy to shocks exhibits sluggishness in consumption in the short run and may display damped cycles in the long run. (2) With habits, optimal fiscal policy takes the form of a social insurance scheme, allowing present and unborn cohorts to share in the consequences of macroeconomic shocks. In contrast, in an economy devoid of habits, the optimal fiscal response to a permanent shock is a one time abrupt adjustment, whereby the present generations bear the entire burden of the shock. (3) If habits exist but policy is conducted as though habits did not exist, the welfare losses for society can be substantial.

so...a communist...there ya go,..i think she may be roumanian..probably cheaper to hire, but she knows costs will be substanital, bad habits are, well, bad and everyone has them...i think she just abolished national cultures!

ponders whether the US has "habits"

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:18 | 3397687 Z'
Z''s picture



4.6. The authorities will:

? ensure, without delay, that the Third Energy Package has been completely transposed and fully implemented and notify the European Commission that the necessary legislation has been transposed; indicate the date of delivery of the first commercial supply of natural gas under a long-term supply contract, thereby ending Cyprus' derogation of an isolated energy network and initiating the application of the emergent market derogation; and indicate the intended duration of the latter derogation;


Anyone out there able to translate this legalese:  "...thereby ending Cyprus' derogation of an isolated energy network and initiating the application of the emergent market derogation..."  This seems like EU legislating Cyprus' natgas market?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:28 | 3397710 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Replace governments with open source software.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:32 | 3397717 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Cyprus is a Petri dish and the Troika is the mad scientist. This is an experiment - if it works it will be rolled out EU-wide. And beyond.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:36 | 3397723 marco1324
marco1324's picture

VAT increase from 17-18% is not unreasonable. We already pay 20% in the UK. They should have increased it to 25% and kept booze fixed, you cant financially terrorise a population and deprive them of booze too, thats just cruel.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:22 | 3397830 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture


Enough of the stupidity. We pay 20% so 18% is fair. Seriously, wake the fuck up

Tue, 04/02/2013 - 08:11 | 3398818 marco1324
marco1324's picture

OK I was being sarky. I will pop the pointy hat on and sit in the corner.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:39 | 3397734 The Heart
The Heart's picture

"...the pain is just starting."

All this is just a look ahead of what is in store for the rest of the world. Europe will fall as planned by the banksters first, then America. All this preliminary hokey tokey theater is to see how the masses react. So far, no reaction from the subtle serfs. No arms, no fight. Just roll over and die after you give up all your life savings. Easy, especially considering all the fiat is going to be worthless anyways according to voices like Mr. Jim Roberts here in this video.

Jim Rogers All Fiat Currency Will Be Worthless:

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:40 | 3397737 max2205
max2205's picture

Lot a whispering going on in Cyprus in dark corners.

When is the curfew

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:40 | 3397738 max2205
max2205's picture


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:45 | 3397750 CitizenPete
CitizenPete's picture

Narry a shot was fired.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 19:47 | 3397756 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Notice there is no mention of banking reform.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:01 | 3397787 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

I thought this was a common currency monetary union?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:02 | 3397790 Bobportlandor
Bobportlandor's picture

And the under 100k thought they were going to get away scott free.

Wouldn't it be better to just walk?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:03 | 3397792 skipjack
skipjack's picture

You can't tax people with no income.


Cutting their government sector, cutting government largesse, and cutting government expense accounts are all wonderful things.  VAT tax and property tax increases ?  Seems like the Troika bloodsuckers are looking for their vig whether you have income, or not.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:10 | 3397806 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

They can try. I think it's called a poll tax. They might have a bit of trouble passing it though.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:06 | 3397795 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Did they raise the excise tax on rubbing alchohol?

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:08 | 3397798 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

The pain in Cyprus will become almost like Dante's Inferno. The fall off in economic activity will not bring in the revenues expected. Taxes will then be raised even more. Activity as a result will fall fuerther. Then another round of useless tax increases and so on and so forth until total collapse.

If in any doubt about this, Greece is the perfect example where successive rounds of austerity and tax increases still cannot breathe life into a dying corpse.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:10 | 3397804 sethstorm
sethstorm's picture

Live by the tax haven status, die by the tax haven status.


Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:13 | 3397811 monopoly
monopoly's picture

My God. Are the people of Cyprus going to accept this. What a travesty. Heil Hitler!!!

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:15 | 3397817 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Get the hell out of this Cypriots. Spit on the Euro. What is wrong with you people? Are you zombies that bow and obey to your corrupt, insane Masters? Beyond words.

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:20 | 3397825 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture


If I was cynical, I would say this bailout package was designed to crater the economy so that they have to fire sale gov't run industries and utilities to the oligarchs.  Soon the cratering, then the privatization meme...  

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 21:15 | 3397951 Z'
Z''s picture

The 'privatization meme' is already in place on page 9:

2.6. The authorities will initiate a privatisation plan to help improve economic efficiency through enhanced competition and encouragement of capital inflows, and to restore debt sustainability:

  • This plan should consider the privatisation prospects of state-owned enterprises (SOEs) and semi-governmental organisations (SGOs), including, inter alia, CyTA (telecom), EAC (electricity), CPA (ports authority), as well as real estate/land assets. For the privatisation of natural monopolies an appropriate regulatory framework is a prerequisite;
  • The privatisation plan will be based on the report reviewing the operations and finances of SOEs, as well as the inventory of assets [both due in Q2-2013]. The privatisation plan will be created in conjunction with the EC/ECB/IMF, including asset-specific timelines and intermediate steps by [Q3-2013];

Mon, 04/01/2013 - 20:32 | 3397854 Miss Expectations
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