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North Korea Says It Has Final Approval For Nuclear Attack On US

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 04/03/2013 15:40 -0400

This is merely the latest headline in what may well culminate with the wettest dream Paul Krugman has ever had.

#BREAKING: N. Korea army says it has final approval for nuclear attack on US

— Agence France-Presse (@AFP) April 3, 2013

AFP: North Korean Army has approval to launch "mercilesss" nuclear strike on U.S. involving possible use of "cutting edge" nuclear weapons

— Sky News Newsdesk (@SkyNewsBreak) April 3, 2013

For those concerned, here is a map showing the range of North Korean missiles. It is safe to assume that GETCO's collocated servers are safe, and will ramp the ES limit up on any flashing red headline launch news. Just think of the fixed income investment and epic resulting GDP boost, on both a real and seasonally adjusted basis.

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Wed, 04/03/2013 - 20:50 | 3406320 bertlahr

OK, what in hell did Rodman do to the little guy anyway?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 20:57 | 3406338 RSBriggs

Delivered the official White House playbook and script to him...

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 20:58 | 3406347 besnook

rodman gave him a blow job and let him play with his big black dick so now he wants san francisco.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 20:57 | 3406341 besnook

heard in the nk war room, in chinese, to li'l kim, "good job. yankee dogs are crazy now. any minute they will make a big mistake.sink a coupla rok boats and see what they do. don't worry. when they attack we will send 3 million troops to push them back to japan and reunite the peninsula."

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:12 | 3406377 Stinko da Munk

Can we not dispatch a B2 to fly over and drop a Kardashian on their ass? Let's be humane and not use Khloe.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:13 | 3406382 European American

Yes, Bernanke gave the clearence..."it's a go"!

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:16 | 3406397 Jreb

Population of North Korea:

24,451,285

NRA Membership

4.5 Million.

Any more questions?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:37 | 3406647 Pampalona

Yes - wtf is your point?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:41 | 3406789 monad

Why don't the North Koreans fuck more, or adopt a few hundred million Chinese? Its good for business, ask our dear obedient public servants.
pop. DC: about the same as the NRA.
Distance: 5000 miles closer than NK
What are you waiting for?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:23 | 3406412 mendigo

Quick, we need a distraction from Europe.
Just disregard that smell of smoke and enjoy the show, people.
Were about due for another armed conflict anyway.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:32 | 3406415 Cabreado

If you take a step or two back, tilt your head a little, gaze at things from a different place, sniff the air...

you will get an overwhelming sense that the power (control) structure (in your own backyard) is in complete disarray.

In a Decline o' Empire setting, that is not a simplistic view.
It is a milestone.

Those who have led us to this point have not included such complications in their thinking...

most importantly, they actually never gave a damn in the first place.

The endgame of Self-Absorption shows up, eventually, always.

That is how Empires end.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:27 | 3406429 mendigo

Kind of sucks they can't reach DC - maybe with a tail wind or a push.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:30 | 3406439 mendigo

Is that really something that one anounces in advance?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:31 | 3406444 Jake88

Well then let's do this. Let the games begin already!

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:32 | 3406450 sweaty7

in other news, i've just been given final approval to kick Anderson Silva's ass. game on mudda fuggers.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:38 | 3406467 DeFeralCat

We should drone their nuke on the launching pad and call it an own goal. The most scared people are in North Korea as there is an 85 percent chance that a launched North Korean nuke ends up in their own backyard.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:42 | 3406477 lolmao500

https://twitter.com/W7VOA

Yonhap: #DPRK appears to have moved by train Musudan mid-range missile to its east coast, quoting #ROK gov't source.

#ROK MND to brief in about 15 minutes. The missile movement question certain to be raised.

Asahi Shimbun in Japan also reported earlier the missile movement quoting an unidentified source.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:45 | 3406486 Aeternus

Well, North Korea may be about to Nuke us, but atleast morans are still doing the Harlem Shake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS2Z19yTuPI

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:52 | 3406509 chindit13

The first order of business for Kim Jung-un, when he took over the family enterprise, was to legitimize himself with the old guard. His father before him had to do the same thing, which is to prove to those who may have fought as guerillas with DPRK-founder Kim Il-sung that the new leader has gravitas. As the youngest son in the third generation (the oldest son is estranged from the family and lives in Macau, while the middle son has prescription and non-prescription drug problems and would be considered a loon even in that family where the bar for lunacy is set pretty high), Kim Jung-un has to go overboard trying to prove his chops. Many officials in both South Korea and the US believe it was Kim Jung-un behind the attack on the SK ship a few years ago, and that that incident was an initial attempt by the new leader to show the old guard his stuff.

The US administration seems to lack the institutional memory to appreciate what is required puffery and what is real, so they exacerbated the problem with their show-of-force B-2 and B-52 flyovers a few weeks ago. The military might also want to stop all the "crazy" talk of sequestation and budget cuts, so they will welcome Kim's saber rattling by responding to each and every utterance.

The DPRK can do little to directly harm the US, but it does have the ability to wreak havoc in South Korea and Japan. In a sense the onus is on the US, because if it affords proper, even if feigned, respect for Kim's saber rattling, the situation can be contained. If the US takes either extreme---overreacting or ignoring Kim---then the situation could turn increasingly negative. It's a fine line to straddle, and Obama has never showed he has the balance. Hopefully the situation gets diffused sooner rather than later, but Obama and Hagel's lack of chops, plus the US military's desire to exploit the situation for budgetary reasons, suggest it gets worse before it gets better.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:03 | 3406540 web bot

The US administration doesn't lack institutional memory... if you recall, the Kenysian Muslim President was the one who bowed to the Japanese Emperor. It's not lack of memory... it's just the Kenysian Muslim President ensuring that the US is just one of equals.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:57 | 3406517 FeralSerf

Zionist MSM strikes again.

If I were a tin-foil hat conspiracy theorist, I might suspect that the Zionists are planning another false flag op -- this one an EMP while everyone watches the Norks that enables them to steal the rest of our (digital) money in our banks and financial accounts.

Oh wait... I am a tin-foil hat conspiracy theorist ....

Maybe I should print out all those account statements.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 21:57 | 3406519 optimator

The only advantage Lil Kim has is a sneak attack just like Granpa did in 1950. And it doesn't look like he can use that now.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:02 | 3406533 optimator

There won't be any war.........The only mistake Lil Kim could make that would lead to N. Korea being wiped off the map would be to threaten Israel with a nuclear strike. The U.S. would have to take immediate action!

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:01 | 3406534 Skateboarder

600th comment, BITCHEZ! (maybe 602 by now lol)

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:03 | 3406538 goldenbuddha454

We might as well assume this is bullish for equities as is every other crisis that comes across the wires.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:07 | 3406555 web bot

And just who gave it final approval?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:28 | 3406761 ShakaZulu

I'm the Great Cornholio, and I approve this message!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgAZ5uyZUDg

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:09 | 3406559 MedTechEntrepreneur

Before we swallow that big spoonful of sheeple food they just gave us....perhaps it is not coincidental that the Eurasian compact is about to choke-out the dollar MMA style?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:14 | 3406575 Lotionboy

ATLEAST IF THEY NUKE US IT WILL TAKE US OFF OUR HEROIN ADDICTIO TO QE.....LOL

http://theslipperyslopeinvestor.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-us-economy-is-crack-whore.html

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:15 | 3406576 ebworthen

Go North Korea.

Let's just get this West versus East thing over with.

C'mon King Jung Un, show your cards or fold 'em you pussy. C'mon, hold 'em or fold 'em.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:16 | 3406578 blindman

North Korea Says It Has Final Approval For Nuclear Attack On US
.
or
final approval says it has north korea for us on nuclear attack.
.
in Italian ....
A:approvazione finale dice che ha la Corea del Nord per noi su attacco nucleare (Italian)
.
dennis rodman should go back and do some follow up back door diplomacy,
somehow this sounds serious.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:23 | 3406599 El Hosel

Has Dennis Rodman been briefed on this development?

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:21 | 3406596 UGrev

Oh, oh.. I love the part where Kim Jong Un and the old guy float up into the sky in the old guys' house with nothing but balloons.. great kids flick.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:22 | 3406600 Jackagain

Red Dawn....full movie...while it lasts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xon7LWHXgnI

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:29 | 3406601 honestann

Latest news just announced in North Korea, from the emperor himself. "The yankee dogs have been vaporized and defeated. Their charred leader surrendered in shame. The war is over. We win! You may now return to your chopsticks. Back to life as usual".

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:13 | 3406620 El Hosel

I better have another beer, all this tail wagging is making me thirsty.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:38 | 3406651 Jackagain

Our leader is charred and indeed shamful, but he hasn't surrendered yet....his First Wookie still has some vacation time coming. 3 1/2 years worth to be exact.....

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:39 | 3406654 Monedas

Norks .... that's great .... why did I think of that .... I'm Mr. North Korea .... satirist !

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:54 | 3406673 goldenbuddha454

Aren't ya glad the Chicoms got the w-88 technology through the Loral Corporation and Clinton whitehouse back in the 90's? No big deal they said, besides, everyone will eventually get it anyway right? Now even Kim hung lo is posturing.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 22:56 | 3406678 Jreb

Why do we worry about this shit? Isn't survivor on tonight??

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:10 | 3406717 Cone of Silence

Its really hard to fit a nuclear bomb onto a missle. The Fatman bomb over Japan was fat for a reason. Its even harder to launch said missle into outer space, and have it blow up over the target. If the north Korean army attacks south, the South Korean people defensively can put a big pot of kim chi outside of their doors, like some kind of passover symbol. The starving North Koreans will stop their attack to eat. Then, they will turn around to bring the pot back to their starving families. End of the second Korean war.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:47 | 3406804 TheObsoleteMan

If the Koreans and Chinese nuke the west coast, they will kill more of their own people than they will of ours. It will also be considered as an act of war against Mexico.

Wed, 04/03/2013 - 23:58 | 3406840 Blkhat117