They Came, They Saw, They Got The Hell Out Of UBS In 7 Days

Tyler Durden's picture

Housing is recovering. The Fed has your back. The consumer is healthy. All things that would suggest the commercial-mortgage bond business should be on the cusp of a renaissance. So the question is - what did Brett Ersoff and John Herman see, seven short days after being promoted to run the UBS real-estate finance division, that made them depart the venerable Swiss firm with the paintball sized Stamford trading floor?

Via Bloomberg,

Brett Ersoff and John Herman, who took over the commercial-mortgage bond group at UBS AG (UBSN) last week after the group’s head departed for Bank of America Corp., have left the bank, said two people familiar with the moves who asked not to be identified because they haven’t been announced.

 

Ersoff and Herman were named co-heads of real-estate finance and mortgage-backed securities after Kenneth Cohen exited to become the global head of commercial real estate at Bank of America in New York, UBS confirmed on March 28.

 

Megan Stinson, a spokeswoman for Switzerland’s largest lender, said she couldn’t comment on the latest departures, reported earlier today by Debtwire. Ersoff and Herman couldn’t immediately be reached for comment.

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ZerOhead's picture

Tick tick tick...

localsavage's picture

I guess that some guys just don't want to be left holding the bag

kaiserhoff's picture

Never send a ferret, to do a weasel's work.

                                      Lloyd

JPM Hater001's picture

well said but who believes the storyline that BAC is doing great?  They are laying off people because...defaults are down?

http://www.foxbusiness.com/news/2013/04/02/bank-america-to-lay-off-1320-...

Ill call it if no one else will...Bullshit.

asscannon101's picture

Minor Freudian slip there, eh? I'm sure that you really meant to bellow, "Bullish!"

Meme Iamfurst's picture

 

 

 

OOOOO......I have to remember that one.  Good show!!!

 

Actually, the mens room was shared.  Please, UBS is not Amertrade!

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

I guess that some guys just don't want to be left holding the bag

As the Dalek Supreme said:

"Set self-destruct on all instruments. We are abandoning! We are abandoning! We are abandoning! We are abandoning!"

kliguy38's picture

They got a good look the their future bonus ......a very appropriate length of rope

McMolotov's picture

It's like the scene in a horror movie where some pregnant woman gets an ultrasound and the technician runs out of the room screaming.

MarkD's picture

Oh, that was frickin good MM.... although cheap vodka burns when shooting from my nostrils

Yamaha's picture

Correct Mc.......The entire operation is a horror movie.

cossack55's picture

.......wait for it.

Stoploss's picture

Well, now we know who's sitting on all the shit..

asscannon101's picture

Well, maybe not ALL the shit... But a significantly feculent, nostril-scorching LAKE of it that a mad dash in any direction was deemed better than  than trying to dodge the fusilade of peanuts and corn that was bound to erupt once it heated to boiling point. And that would appear to be SOON, if their alacrity in departure could be viewed as any indication.

Quinvarius's picture

I guess compliance would not approve him shorting his own bank.  So he left.

Al Huxley's picture

Only two problems with the theory

- There's no such thing as compliance anymore

- Nobody inside the industry would short a bank, without explicit inside knowledge that said bank was going to be the sacrificial lamb (eg ala Bear Stearns or Lehman) as they all know that the general rule is that there's no downside risk to banking anymore (with the exception of 'retail banking' of course).

NoClueSneaker's picture

Plz, Mr. Insider , let it be Douche Bank for a start ...

Vashta Nerada's picture

Brett Ersoff and John Herman, who took over the commercial-mortgage bond group at UBS AG (UBSN) last week after the group’s head departed for Bank of America Corp., have left the bank

 

It's like 10 pm over there.  It is about time they went home for the day.

Oh, never mind.

ghandi's picture

Its a killer rabbit!

McMolotov's picture

Quick! Get the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

jon dough's picture

One...Two...FIVE!

(Three, sir...)

THREE!

booboo's picture

More like they walked in, seen the Trojan Bunny stuffed with smoldering toxic paper  and hauled ass. Probably hunkeered down at a Motel 8 in Nebraska and registered under the names of Cletus and Earl Penamore

RafterManFMJ's picture

Their best bet is to marry each other ASAP so they cannot be compelled to testify against each other.

Wile-E-Coyote's picture

They looked at the books and said "Ohh Shit"

cynicalskeptic's picture

UBS was still writing credit defaut swaps on mortgage garbage even as the whole mess was collapsing....... hell these are the fools that bought Paine Webber.  

so much for the Swiss being financial geniuses.  I can't imagine the shit these guys are sitting on.

NoDebt's picture

Hmmmmmm........ I wonder if there's more to it than that.  You would think they would have had a bit more foresight than that.

I wonder if somebody from "executive management" didn't come down and have a little talk with them.  "Here's what you boys are gonna do about this....."  They blink a few times, look at eachother, excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and use the fire escape to exit the building.  Later that day they email in their resignations.

 

ebworthen's picture

"Oh my God!  If we don't bail NOW they will blame it all on us!  There is nothing there!  Let Cohen take the rap, it's his toxic pile of shit anyway!"

(run...run...run...)

"My eyes are watering and I'm choking from just looking at those toxic balance sheets!"

(cough...gag...tears...)

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

I'll bet you dimes to donuts ebworthen, you are closer to the truth than you know. The question becomes who does UBS try to stick it with next and what do those clowns do?

I can't think of anything that says "Houston, we have a problem.", like this does. I would tend to think this will draw ... unwanted attention to their operations.

DawgAss's picture

There may be some without blinders that don't want to be on the short end of a long rope!

We can only hope there is enough rope when it comes time!

Carl Spackler's picture

I smell a Consent Order coming.

Look.  There.  Over the horizon.  Is that the Fed coming?

suteibu's picture

Congratulations!  You are the new captain!

Oh...by the way...the ship is sinking.  Carry on.

Leto II's picture

hahahaha...the beatings will continue untill morale improves

cynicalskeptic's picture

but that's not all ........not only is the ship sinking, the only lifeboat was taken by the previous captain and first mate,  and the cargo reacts violently and explosively with seawater

agent default's picture

Call me paranoid, stupid, retarded, troll whatever you want, but:  If there is one thing that can make a Cyprus out of Switzerland it is UBS.  Fuck the leaks, this is the thing to worry about.

Urban Redneck's picture

There is a name for the phenomenon in Switzerland - Too Big To Save

The SNB accepted some crap on trade from the Swiss parent, but the bastard-stepchild that was PaineWebber is the responsibility of Uncle Ben and the US taxpayer.

agent default's picture

You mean the US can detonate UBS at a whim?  Explains the Swiss government caving in to Us demands.

ziggy59's picture

They read between the letters..

Ultra BS

Miles Kendig's picture

BAC sure knows where to find the gems to fill its top ranks

knukles's picture

Uh.
Um.
They uh...
The ah...
Look, we'd just repainted the offices and weren't gonna do it over again just for these guys and told them so before they got here.
Spoilt brats
Its transitory.
Yes, the raw unseasonally adjusted drop in co-heads of whatever.
But seasonally adjusted, we added 15 guys.
Kinda
Look!
Here's out new mascot.
Ms UBS Uberleatherbitchpainskle
You like that leather zoom zoom?
We knew you would. 
She'll be chaining you to your seat for the remainder of your enjoyable time with us whilst paying your mortgage.

ammainol's picture

Both had been with UBS since 2011 but were promoted when Cohen left for BAML...

ToNYC's picture

They went off to kill the Great White UBS-book Whale; nice move Ahabs!

Joebloinvestor's picture

They suddenly realized they were gonna be,"John Doe #1 and #2".

 

WHEEEEEEEEE

Whoa Dammit's picture

Plant Bowen (coal fired) Southern Compnay Power Plant just blew up in Bartow County GA. It is the largest coalfired plant in North America & connects to the entire SE grid.

http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/21883961/incident-investigated-at-georgia-power-plant-in-bartow-county

smlbizman's picture

that is why mr. obama is trying to get rid of coal...to dangerous....we need something safer like those nuclear plants the japs have...or even an exxon power plant fueled  directly from their pipelines....

Whoa Dammit's picture

Local radio is reporting that the tubine generator exploded and that there is major structural damage to the plant.

Diogenes's picture

Yeah that's what we need. More nuclear power plants in Georgia run by the same Bubbas that blew up the coal fired one.