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They Came, They Saw, They Got The Hell Out Of UBS In 7 Days
Housing is recovering. The Fed has your back. The consumer is healthy. All things that would suggest the commercial-mortgage bond business should be on the cusp of a renaissance. So the question is - what did Brett Ersoff and John Herman see, seven short days after being promoted to run the UBS real-estate finance division, that made them depart the venerable Swiss firm with the paintball sized Stamford trading floor?
Brett Ersoff and John Herman, who took over the commercial-mortgage bond group at UBS AG (UBSN) last week after the group’s head departed for Bank of America Corp., have left the bank, said two people familiar with the moves who asked not to be identified because they haven’t been announced.
Ersoff and Herman were named co-heads of real-estate finance and mortgage-backed securities after Kenneth Cohen exited to become the global head of commercial real estate at Bank of America in New York, UBS confirmed on March 28.
Megan Stinson, a spokeswoman for Switzerland’s largest lender, said she couldn’t comment on the latest departures, reported earlier today by Debtwire. Ersoff and Herman couldn’t immediately be reached for comment.
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Tick tick tick...
BOOM! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-dpqVdKG9I
I guess that some guys just don't want to be left holding the bag
Never send a ferret, to do a weasel's work.
Lloyd
well said but who believes the storyline that BAC is doing great? They are laying off people because...defaults are down?
http://www.foxbusiness.com/news/2013/04/02/bank-america-to-lay-off-1320-...
Ill call it if no one else will...Bullshit.
Minor Freudian slip there, eh? I'm sure that you really meant to bellow, "Bullish!"
"No comment."
OOOOO......I have to remember that one. Good show!!!
Actually, the mens room was shared. Please, UBS is not Amertrade!
.
As the Dalek Supreme said:
"Set self-destruct on all instruments. We are abandoning! We are abandoning! We are abandoning! We are abandoning!"
They got a good look the their future bonus ......a very appropriate length of rope
even more boom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M02bAWDFkI
It's like the scene in a horror movie where some pregnant woman gets an ultrasound and the technician runs out of the room screaming.
Oh, that was frickin good MM.... although cheap vodka burns when shooting from my nostrils
Correct Mc.......The entire operation is a horror movie.
.......wait for it.
Well, now we know who's sitting on all the shit..
Well, maybe not ALL the shit... But a significantly feculent, nostril-scorching LAKE of it that a mad dash in any direction was deemed better than than trying to dodge the fusilade of peanuts and corn that was bound to erupt once it heated to boiling point. And that would appear to be SOON, if their alacrity in departure could be viewed as any indication.
I guess compliance would not approve him shorting his own bank. So he left.
Only two problems with the theory
- There's no such thing as compliance anymore
- Nobody inside the industry would short a bank, without explicit inside knowledge that said bank was going to be the sacrificial lamb (eg ala Bear Stearns or Lehman) as they all know that the general rule is that there's no downside risk to banking anymore (with the exception of 'retail banking' of course).
Plz, Mr. Insider , let it be Douche Bank for a start ...
Brett Ersoff and John Herman, who took over the commercial-mortgage bond group at UBS AG (UBSN) last week after the group’s head departed for Bank of America Corp., have left the bank
It's like 10 pm over there. It is about time they went home for the day.
Oh, never mind.
Its a killer rabbit!
Quick! Get the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!
One...Two...FIVE!
(Three, sir...)
THREE!
More like they walked in, seen the Trojan Bunny stuffed with smoldering toxic paper and hauled ass. Probably hunkeered down at a Motel 8 in Nebraska and registered under the names of Cletus and Earl Penamore
Their best bet is to marry each other ASAP so they cannot be compelled to testify against each other.
They looked at the books and said "Ohh Shit"
UBS was still writing credit defaut swaps on mortgage garbage even as the whole mess was collapsing....... hell these are the fools that bought Paine Webber.
so much for the Swiss being financial geniuses. I can't imagine the shit these guys are sitting on.
Hmmmmmm........ I wonder if there's more to it than that. You would think they would have had a bit more foresight than that.
I wonder if somebody from "executive management" didn't come down and have a little talk with them. "Here's what you boys are gonna do about this....." They blink a few times, look at eachother, excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and use the fire escape to exit the building. Later that day they email in their resignations.
"Oh my God! If we don't bail NOW they will blame it all on us! There is nothing there! Let Cohen take the rap, it's his toxic pile of shit anyway!"
(run...run...run...)
"My eyes are watering and I'm choking from just looking at those toxic balance sheets!"
(cough...gag...tears...)
I'll bet you dimes to donuts ebworthen, you are closer to the truth than you know. The question becomes who does UBS try to stick it with next and what do those clowns do?
I can't think of anything that says "Houston, we have a problem.", like this does. I would tend to think this will draw ... unwanted attention to their operations.
There may be some without blinders that don't want to be on the short end of a long rope!
We can only hope there is enough rope when it comes time!
I smell a Consent Order coming.
Look. There. Over the horizon. Is that the Fed coming?
Congratulations! You are the new captain!
Oh...by the way...the ship is sinking. Carry on.
hahahaha...the beatings will continue untill morale improves
but that's not all ........not only is the ship sinking, the only lifeboat was taken by the previous captain and first mate, and the cargo reacts violently and explosively with seawater
Call me paranoid, stupid, retarded, troll whatever you want, but: If there is one thing that can make a Cyprus out of Switzerland it is UBS. Fuck the leaks, this is the thing to worry about.
There is a name for the phenomenon in Switzerland - Too Big To Save
The SNB accepted some crap on trade from the Swiss parent, but the bastard-stepchild that was PaineWebber is the responsibility of Uncle Ben and the US taxpayer.
You mean the US can detonate UBS at a whim? Explains the Swiss government caving in to Us demands.
They read between the letters..
Ultra BS
BAC sure knows where to find the gems to fill its top ranks
Uh.
Um.
They uh...
The ah...
Look, we'd just repainted the offices and weren't gonna do it over again just for these guys and told them so before they got here.
Spoilt brats
Its transitory.
Yes, the raw unseasonally adjusted drop in co-heads of whatever.
But seasonally adjusted, we added 15 guys.
Kinda
Look!
Here's out new mascot.
Ms UBS Uberleatherbitchpainskle
You like that leather zoom zoom?
We knew you would.
She'll be chaining you to your seat for the remainder of your enjoyable time with us whilst paying your mortgage.
Both had been with UBS since 2011 but were promoted when Cohen left for BAML...
They went off to kill the Great White UBS-book Whale; nice move Ahabs!
They suddenly realized they were gonna be,"John Doe #1 and #2".
WHEEEEEEEEE
Plant Bowen (coal fired) Southern Compnay Power Plant just blew up in Bartow County GA. It is the largest coalfired plant in North America & connects to the entire SE grid.
http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/21883961/incident-investigated-at-georgia-power-plant-in-bartow-county
that is why mr. obama is trying to get rid of coal...to dangerous....we need something safer like those nuclear plants the japs have...or even an exxon power plant fueled directly from their pipelines....
Local radio is reporting that the tubine generator exploded and that there is major structural damage to the plant.
Short GE/Siemmons.
Yeah that's what we need. More nuclear power plants in Georgia run by the same Bubbas that blew up the coal fired one.
Same link:
UPDATE: WYXC-AM radio reporter John Underwood told FOX 5 that the explosion took place in the power house of plant #1. The plant's manager, Tim Banks, was said to be in Atlanta but is heading back to the plant now.
Residents in the area reported their homes shaking and loud noises. A large amount of smoke was in the area, they said.
Euharlee City Manager Trish Sullivan said it is a frightening, scary day for the city. She classified the explosion as "large."
when assets look like liabilities and liabilities start to look like assets it is well past time to get the flock out of dodge.
I will bet they both got nice exit packages to keep their mouths shut. UBS mark-to-fantasy may be too much even for the well compensated.
Wells Fargo online has been dead all day. If they remain dead tomorow I will clean out the rest of my deposits.
somehow i kept imaging ersoft/herman as cheech and chong showing up for work using all the mortgage paperwork to roll joints.
They should have only made one of them the head. If there is only one head, he can deny all knowledge of what was happening and blame it on underlings (a la Corzine). But with co-heads, you never know whether your opposite number might be forced to give you up in a plea deal.
good point. they must have looked at the balance sheet and then reacted the same way Bluto and D-Day did to the dead horse in Dean Wormer's office.
At what point can we definatively conclude that, if you are still taking a payroll check from a bank, you are guilty as charged?
See that speck in your rear view mirror? That was the point back there.
Must of been the bad coffee...
Annnnnnnnd, .......it's gone!
They know the next step is " GUILLOTINE"
Ps: Alternative is they saw a book full of junk and didn't want their "track record" to be impacted by the rubbish ?
They went in took a look at the books, surmised no bonus, no turnaround and no glory only hell called their lawyer about their contract and left.
Back to the forest! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13tDqFqE5DI Run! Quickly!
In Switzerland, bank executives are held personally liable for fraud and what not.
I'm surprised it took them a week to leave.
That would be a nice piece of legislation for some politically ambitious type to sponsor, or even a campaign platform. The weight of public opinion would come down strongly in favor of personal liability for bank fraud - particularly by the 2014 mid-term election when the full extent of the fraud has become all too apparent.
This fits in nicely: "Obama administration pushes banks to make home loans to people with weaker credit"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/obama-administration-pushes-banks-to-make-home-loans-to-people-with-weaker-credit/2013/04/02/a8b4370c-9aef-11e2-a941-a19bce7af755_story.html#
I wonder if those two had a nice clause in their contracts giving them a sweet bonus if they left.
What is interesting is that they both left at the same time, after a week in the new jobs. Rats --> exit stage left. This is all starting to look like fire in the hold...
We are all reading too much into this. They both just wanted to simultaneously spend more time with their families.
They married a coupla twin sisters...
Bank of America has got a shit load of trouble on the horizon.
If you have access, start digging around the court cases against them in Maryland.
What were presented as home loan modifications to Hispanic customers were really rental agreements. Some homeowners are winning and getting their homes either free and clear or at vastly reduced totals.
Tick tock fuckers.
lawsuits are peanuts. bac has nothing to worry about there. lawsuits are tiny slaps that amount to maybe a small percent of the profit made. you are deluding yourself hoping that there is some benevolent sort of santa claus handing out justice to the banks. keep dreaming. read up on corzine and his pal gary gensler at the ctfc. for starters.
For the moment, the lawsuits are minor trashcan fires in their offices. Perhaps I'm dreaming, but if enough of those flare up at the same time, they'll melt the steel girders and the whole building will collapse.
Hey Polack. Are you living in Maryland?
Nope, I'm slowly dying here.
btw, this is Bloomberg on Cohen's departure:
so let me get this straight. Cohen created a CMBS timebomb at Lehman. goes to UBS and likely does the same thing. UBS gets wise to his risk and changes their compensation formulas, likely by lengthening the window used to calculate the perfomance of his bets (and hence his bonus). Cohen knows he's levered to the gills for short term profits that at some point will blow up, so he leaves for BAC. Ersoff and Herman come in and are so freaked out by the portfolio that Cohen's built, that they both quit in a week.
and nothing will ever happen to Cohen.
yup. and montag knows these guys are cowboys that will package up and sell anything to anybody's grandmother with a straight face, and if they don't get out in time, bennie will buy the crap from them at wherever they mark it.
nice job!!
...and nothing will ever happen to [insert jew here].
Oh except for Madoff, but he wasn't a team player, so under the bus he went. Usually they just try to blame it on the Indian guys.
Not to spoil the fun and be less cynical, but isn't it likely they departed UBS to go work with their former boss at BofA? You'd think they got a better payday at a TBTF US bank than a Euro trash bank whose pay is set it Brussels.
Today, in an unprecedented departure, two ubs (no caps) baby executivos and all round cowards, Brett I'm-off and John He's-ur-Man, stunned Zurich HQ head-honchos by exiting stage left before the curtain had even opened.
UBS Chairman, and former SNB forklift driver, Wolfgang "I know real mis-spelt gold certificates from the Black Eagle Trust when I see them" Sluckenhammer said, "In my day we stuck around until the ink dried, but not anymore. These assholes need to learn a lesson, and that lesson is that the UBS doesn't take kindly to bad publicity".
leave us never forget that UBS is where Phil Gramm ended up after finishing hosing the US of A in the Senate
Kabooom!
With BAC options no doubt.
"Mr. Ersoff can you tell us why you left your new position after such a short time?"
"Can't talk. Digging bunker. Go way."
Pussies!
At my last job after 1 month I knew I was getting out, but I still worked for a year.
Why? Because I'm not a banker and there's no revolving door for me. I'm just another Amerikan slave.
Incredible. These two scumbags, who HAVE probably sold their mother to get where they are, saw and heard enough in 7 days that they left, departed, quit.
It´s like a horror movie that has the wild animals running scared from the forest, you don´t want to know what lies deeper in. hujel