Running Out Of Champagne

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Mark J Grant, author of Out of the Box,

The Whole Duck

"Meanwhile, in the broad and lofty chamber set apart for occasions of import, the Abbot himself was pacing impatiently backwards and forwards, with his long white nervous hands clasped in front of him. His thin, thought-worn features and sunken, haggard cheeks bespoke one who had indeed beaten down that inner foe whom every man must face, but had none the less suffered sorely in the contest."
                 -Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The White Company
The markets, so abundantly juiced by the more than $100 billion pouring in from the Fed every month, are beginning to tire. Like repeated injections of some pain killer; the effects are noticeably starting to wear off. The thrill may not be gone but it is diminishing and one should take note of the condition of the patient.
"One of life's primal situations; the game of hide and seek. Oh, the delicious thrill of hiding while the others come looking for you, the delicious terror of being discovered, but what panic when, after a long search, the others abandon you! You mustn't hide too well. You mustn't be too good at the game. The player must never be bigger than the game itself."
                           -Jean Baudrillard
Japan, recently in the schoolroom while Professor Bernanke tutored and preached, picked up the play book and began to follow his instructions. Too little, too late I fear but a Hail Mary pass is always worth a try as the game nears ending. Something better than nothing I suppose but I doubt if the effect will achieve the desired results. Japan has now exceeded the point where it can finance itself and the newest batch of dim sum brought in from the kitchen may still not be enough to feed the throng that awaits at the sushi tables. Noble endeavors may not bring the desired results and then there are those strange intentions paving the path to Hell.
Cyprus today and Slovenia, Malta and Luxembourg tomorrow. What is next? What is the new one-off template going to be? Deutsche Bank to graciously take over any new failed bank as one more step along the Road to Rhineland? Italian elections loom and we see nothing, we know nothing and it is verboten to speak about them until they are actually announced. Pots on the stove, neatly arranged, back burner, front burner, the shuffle continues and who has checked the oven? "What oven, there is no oven," Brussels and Berlin wails but it is there none the less.
There is always a place where one may stick one's head.
"I can smell the sauerbraten. Take a deep breath."
                   -Hogan's Heroes
The ten year Treasury; the long bond. Watch them. Whatever your responsibilities; keep your eye on them. They are serving up lunch and are the best indicator of the courses to come. I believe now they are signaling that we have run out of Champagne and that Mad Dog 20/20 will be served with the duck. No one remembers how to make the foie gros. Serve up the whole duck; no one will notice.

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catacl1sm's picture

The only time I've ever blacked-out while drinking occurred with MD 20/20.

mayhem_korner's picture



Curious.  How can you know that you never blacked out any other time?

rajat_bhatia's picture

The funny thing is, the bankers think they'll be able to enjoy all the loot. Sadly, some crackpot Kimmy mights spoil the party. 

malikai's picture

Ride the Night Train when the White Horse is out?

Pool Shark's picture



Cheval Blanc




Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Boris these days is brown bag.

Fredo Corleone's picture

What's the word ?


How's it sold ?


What's the jive ?


What's the price ?


redpill's picture

My gut convulsed a bit at the mere memory of Thunderbird.

knukles's picture

Methinks it's about time Ben admitted hitting bottom and committed to a 12 Step program... Moneydebasers Anonymous

Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Boris is know bottom. Once is try 12 Step program but is keep lose count so is happy find of 2 step program. Boris is still vodka problem but is now can dance.

PAWNMAN's picture

Give Cisco a try sometime. It's the Dom P. of bum wines. Like liquified cotton candy that get's you hammered! Almost embarrased to admit I tried it.

CrazyCooter's picture

LOL! IIRC a radio station I listen to (see profile for link) did an all request hour at lunch a few years ago with a bum wine theme. There are more than a few tunes out there that mention MD, Nightrain, Thunderbird, etc.

I recall the jingle as 40 twice, but that is Ben Bernanke saving the economy by getting them to spend their savings!



Urban Redneck's picture

Ditch the Thunderbird for Woodchuck and a 40 of Ides on the stoop

God that brings back some memories better forgotten

Other than the motivation to never be poor...

Shitters_Full's picture

The American Classic.  None finer.

2 of my top 5 hangovers are thanks to MD 20/20.  The photo for this article literally gave me shivers and I swear I could taste "grape" mixed with bile at the back of my throat.

aint no fortunate son's picture

today ends with a Y - so it's a POMO day. Bottom's in and they'll rally it from here

TeamDepends's picture

MD is for hobos.  Boones Farm is the ticket.

kridkrid's picture

We might have gone to HS together.

TeamDepends's picture

Yeah!  Remember when she unleashed the purple Boones Farm tsunami all over the table at Taco Bell?

DaveyJones's picture

MD 20/20
18% or 13% alc. by vol.
     As majestic as the cascading waters of a drain pipe, MD 20/20 is bottled by the 20/20 wine company in Westfield, New York.  This is a good place to start for the street wine rookie, but beware; this dog has a bite to back up its bark.  MD Stands for Mogen David, and is affectionately called "Mad Dog 20/20".  You'll find this beverage as often in a bum's nest as in the rock quarry where the high school kids sneak off to drink.  This beverage is likely the most consumed by non-bums, but that doesn't stop any bums from drinking it!  Our research indicates that MD 20/20 is the best of the bum wines at making you feel warm inside.  Some test subjects report a slight numbing agent in MD 20/20, similar to the banana paste that the dentist puts in your mouth before injecting it with novocain.  Anyone that can afford a dentist should steer clear of this disaster.  Avaliable in various nauseating tropical flavors that coat your whole system like bathtub scum, but only the full "Red Grape Wine" flavor packs the 18% whallop.


Speaking of TacoBell, I was a beer boy in high school. We "borrowed" a fiberglass bell from one of the old tacobells,   drilled holes, lined it with plastic, and placed it high on a micr. stand in my driveway for an eight person beer funnel.  My sister worked there and called it Taco Hell. The things that make us proud.

aint no fortunate son's picture

Mad Dog was great, but don't forget Ripple for when the BF Strawberry was sold out

DriveByLurker's picture

Since the theme of the article is running out of Champagne, and since you've brought up Ripple, it's time to mention "Champipple", the mixture of Ripple and cheap champagne that Red Foxx's character so enjoyed on Sanford & Son



css1971's picture

Buckfast Tonic Wine
17% alc. by vol.


A report from BBC News and one from the New York times shows a connection between Buckfast and violent crime.  Of the offenders who had been drinking immediately before their violent offence, more than 40% had been drinking Buckfast!  According to the report, each bottle contained 281mg of caffeine - the same amount as eight cans of Coke.

Winston Churchill's picture

Great stuff.Not fortifed but brewed.

Never need b12 again, or laxatives for that matter.

BoNeSxxx's picture

Nothing says 'Date Rape' like Boones Farm

Croesus's picture

Love this Quote:

"The thrill may not be gone but it is diminishing and one should take note of the condition of the patient."

Condition of the Patient? The Patient expired.....yet the Bernank, equipped with his QE Defibrillator zaps the corpse and boldly proclaims "It's Alive" when the corpse gets a boner. This is immediately followed by jubilation in the mainstream media, as they proclaim the corpse lives, and should be back on his feet soon.

Meanwhile, everyone on ZH observes the rancid smell, the discoloration, and the rot that's setting in. The Lloyd Blankflein Fly, and the Jamie Dimon Fly busy themselves feasting on the body, while their offspring, the Washington D.C. Maggots proclaim the flies won't survive without moar food. 



fomcy's picture

PPT showed up. hitting GOLD again. Ridiculous. Bitches printing and printing, none stop.

Gold bears are stucked under pile of paper.

Crash Overide's picture

I feel that "Oh shit!" moment coming when the collective masses realize they are on a train with no more brakes, only MD 20/20 to dowse the rails and ride this bitch into the crash.


Honorable mention for Boone's Farm.

centerline's picture

Jesus man.  Gold is in play around the world by big money who is all in the game instead of hedging against it in some sort "I dont care about the price, it's going the moon" attitude.  They buy and sell based on the technicals.  Plus, there is a shit ton of capital running scared around the world.  The flow of this capital is going to distort markets all over the place - and that game is just getting started with the EU the verge of an outright stroke and Japan carpet bombing with Yen.

Parabox's picture

I keep telling people, what I do when I am blacked out is none of my business, but it seems they just revel in telling the tales...

kridkrid's picture

Beverage of choice in my high school years.  Not even sure what it was... but the corner store run by an Asian family who at check out would say, "you no have ID?  You bring next time" sold a lot of it to 16 year-olds.

Jayda1850's picture

Exact same experience growing up. Even when you could get alcohol in your teens, you had no idea what good alcohol was and end up drinking pure rot gut.

Sudden Debt's picture


Over here in Europe, life for a 16 year old was a bit easier :)

You bough booze when you where 14 years old and at the counter they asked: WANT SIGARETTES WITH THAT BOTTLE? 2 PACKS AND YOU GET A FREE LGIHTER!!

good old days... :)

DaveyJones's picture

shit, mass transportation, Renoir, labelled GMOs, alcohol and tobacco to minors - you win

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Funny you mention that, when I was a youngin my mother used to send me to the corner deli to get her cigarettes all the time. The clerk would ask me the question who was I buying them for, I tell them my mother and that was it. No let me see your papers bullshit. Now we can't trust anyone and have to save everyone from themselves because they are not capable of behaving the way we the chosen few (chosen by ourselves) decided so.

Richard III's picture

In our neck of the woods, the high school libation of choice was none other than the Green Death itself: Haffenreffer.

40 ounces or bust.

bank guy in Brussels's picture

Great website on the popular USA ghetto fruity flavoured 'bum wine', the items with names like

Mad Dog 20/20, Night Train Express, Thunderbird

That's a funny and specially American tradition I observed when visiting the USA many years ago. Although we have quite cheap generic wines in Europe, and our 'winos' often have in their hands a 'litron' (1 litre bottle) of wine that is not bad table wine ... the American fruity-colour 'bum wine' is a category all its own

Famous ad jingle:

« What's the Word?


How's it sold?

Good and Cold! »

Here's the website with pictures, and ghetto-edge stores where to buy in the US ... great site. Hilarious reviews like « ... if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas [petrol], look no further ... »

Dead Canary's picture

I heard it like this:

« What's the Word?


« What's the price?

Fifty twice.

(Ok, now I'm dating myself.)

Chipped ham's picture

What's the word?
What's the price?
A dollar twice.

From Earl

DaveyJones's picture

oops I see you beat me to it. My brother introduced me to that site. That page is so him.

Navymugsy's picture

Whatever happened to "Wild Irish"? That's what we drank in Queens as MD 20/20 was a little too "top shelf" for us.

DaveyJones's picture

when 20/20 is too top shelf - that was gorgeous


Wild Irish Rose
18% alc. by vol.
     The thorn in your hangover is a wild rose from Ireland.  Bottled by
Canandaigua Wine in Chanadaigua, NY, the same company as Cisco.  Like its brother Cisco, "Wild I" definitely has some secret additives that go straight to the cranium.  Another web page claims that this foul beverage is a conspiracy by the republicans to kill the homeless.  Bums ask a liquor store clerk for Wild Irish rose by saying, "gimme a pint of rosie with a skirt," a skirt being a paper bag.  Some don't want it cold either.  It's called "wild" for a good reason, and bystanders should beware.  Wild Irish Rose is sure to light a fire of drunken rage in your soul.  A guy named "Richards" is mentioned on the label.
     A helpful viewer named Carl wrote an email directing our attention
this web page that claims that "Richard's Wild Irish Rose (named after his son, Canandaigua's current president Richard Sands)."  The "White Label" variety of this beverage is definitely a hard wine to come to terms with.  "White Label" smells like rubbing alcohol, and has no added flavoring to mask its pungent taste and noxious odors.  Avaliable in 375 mL, 750 mL, and a 50 oz jug.
     Field reporter "Greyham" brings us this report:  Here is Wild I's devastating new addition, "Wild Fruit with Ginseng".  I'll be honest with you: the normal Wild I has turned into some sort of fierce energy drink gone wrong mixed with the original to create a bumworthy migraine-inducing concoction.  I purchased a 750 mL which goes for 3.99 and a 375 mL which goes for 2.59 (at least here in FL).  Word on the streets here is that the bums are wary of it.  I talked to a couple that said they'd prefer to "stick with what's tried and true".  Apparently they haven't accepted it yet as the real deal.  As for me, I drank the 375mL on a semi-full stomach and was just ruined by the stuff.  The flavor retains it's same potent Wild I nastiness but has a whole new bouquet of fruity flavor added as well (potentially aimed at bums of the female persuasion).  Upon completion of the 375, I was thoroughly inebriated and found myself honestly wondering where my next fix of the stuff was going to come from.  This scared me so I immediately started drinking's the best part.  After that relatively small bottle, I didn't piss until the next evening despite drinking copious amounts of water.  There is DEFINITELY something in this stuff that dehydrates you...possibly the "ginseng" or whatever it is that they added to this already foul stuff.

insanelysane's picture

Got sick on the stuff in '83 while in high school.  One of my buddy's gave me a bottle for my 40th birth day.  Everyone had a shot that night and the rest went down the drain the next day.

Croesus's picture

How's about Thunderbird?