Francois Hollande's Gift Camel Killed And Eaten In Mali

Tyler Durden's picture

When we said several months ago, that the French military incursion in Mali would have a hilarious, if sad ending, we didn't quite have this in mind but it will do. It turns out that after the French "liberation" of Mali, French president Francois Hollande, already the most unpopular president in French history and last week's Cahuizac tax-evasion affair hardly doing much to boost his popularity, was awarded a two-humped (there is some debate if it had one or two humps) camel as a present for driving away the "evil" Al Qaeda and various other "evil" extremists. Sadly for Hollande, and for animalistic symbolism as indicative of French foreign policy, said camel was just killed and "put in a stew". And it only goes downhill from here.

From The Telegraph:

The young two-humped animal, a gift to Mr Hollande for liberating Mali, has been killed and put in a stew, according to Jean-Yves Le Drian, France's defence minister.


Mr Le Drian was informed of the camel's demise by officers tracking Islamic terrorists in the former French West African colony and broke the news on to the Élysée Palace, according to Valeurs Actuelles magazine.


A local official had given the camel to Mr Hollande in gratitude for France spearheading a drive to flush out Islamic extremists from Mali. But the well-intentioned gift soon proved a liability.


The camel ruined its handover ceremony by drowning out a Malian official's speech with its screeching.


Mr Hollande's voice could just be heard over the din when he promised: "I will use it as a means of transport as often as possible."


With the animal covered in a cloak, there was also heated debate back in France over whether it had one hump or two.


Mr Hollande initially intended to have the camel vaccinated and transferred to a French zoo. But given the complex procedures required and "the rigours of the harsh French climate for a desert animal", he eventually decided to leave it in the care of a family in Timbuktu.


The camel had already embarrassed Mr Hollande when Said Toureg, a man from the Timbuktu region, claimed that it had been stolen from him after his house was destroyed in a French air raid.

Sigh....  Yes, so far it is a slow news day.

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Yamaha's picture

Same should happen for the central banksters!

Momauguin Joe's picture

Soylent Banksta with your calimari, Sir?

malikai's picture

Camel stew huh. I wonder if they use that delicious tomato/rosemary sort of sauce.

Might be tasty. You never know.

Rubicon's picture

I wonder if they will stew Mrs T for tea

NoDebt's picture

"left the camel in the care of a family in Timbuktu."

This would be Dr. Seuss' family, I assme?

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

They'd have gotten quite a premium on it if they could have sold it in Shanghai.

johnQpublic's picture

mr hollands opus


er, i mean soup

Pairadimes's picture

This camel has probably already entered the European food supply chain.

mick_richfield's picture

You can put it in a zoo.

You can put it in a stew.

And if the camel's getting old --

Forget the camel !

Take their gold !


Agent P's picture

I don't know, but I bet it's one big ass pot of stew.

TheLooza's picture

Just for some context, there is an old Malian saying, "It's okay to put a gift camel in the mouth"

I was confused the first time I heard it, but now I think I understand.

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Er..., make that one big camel pot of stew.

smlbizman's picture

ah, what i dissapointment, i thought it was debbie "the joker" stabinow....just another manic monday...i guess

H E D G E H O G's picture

someone said they saw the toe truck driver obsconding with it........................

Stoploss's picture

Could be worse. Could be Hollande stew..

Mmm, probably tastes like shit,   er,   chicken...

Winston Churchill's picture

One hump or two ?

Do you want cous cous with that ?

Momauguin Joe's picture

No, no. Curry brown rice with pineapple. 

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Yeah, but would you walk a mile for that camel?

GeezerGeek's picture

Would you walk a mile for a hump?

thisandthat's picture

Apparently, the british can no longer tell the chinese two-humped bactrian camels from the arab one-humped dromedary - oh, how far those imperial times seem to be...

W74's picture

Most "Calimari" sold in restaurants is actually "immitation squid", a.k.a: pig rectum.

Cut into a ring and washed it's basically the same color and texture, then after (deep?) frying it no one can tell the difference in taste.

Momauguin Joe's picture

A few weeks back, the wife dragged me to one of these uppity "whole" food places down by Yale. It was late afternoon, cold and dark outside. Inside, overpriced Monsanto redux was being peddled to the unsuspecting IVY prof's and students.  A motor vehicle accident nearby caused the power inside the store to flicker and go out momentarily. I happened to be standing in front of the frozen Asian shrimp. A strange glow was noticed in the brief darkness. I shit you not..

jeebus's picture

You didn't go to the right restaurant. I've had some decent food down in New Haven at some of the top student spots. Kind of a cool story though.


Just reminds me of going to any New York Yankees game. Outside you have the hood. Inside you have overpriced food and overpriced tickets. And then they sing america the beautiful. Outside the stadium, poverty, disgustingness. I feel embarassed going to Yankee games. How can anyone stand up for America the beautiful with such disgusting urban decay, RIGHT on your door step? 

Momauguin Joe's picture

Siam Orchards in Branford is a nice change of pace. Have eaten there dozens of times in the past couple of years and have yet to suffer post-dinner acute diarrhea.

Shaten's picture

It happens a lot beause of a bacteria..

" marine bacteria can cause glowing or luminescence when they grow on seafood products – a trait that may be exacerbated by the adding of salt during processing."

We down here in New Orleans figure we need to add more beer to the consumer. :)

OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

The pig thing isn't true but what is true is that 90% of "scallops" are actually shark meat cut into a little circle. Outside the US they sell scallops with the red thingy still attached...they're delicious.

Oh and 60% of "tuna" is actually escolar...a deep-sea diarehhea-producing bottom dweller

zuuma's picture

Hollande enjoys having more people riding in the wagon than pulling the wagon.

All well and good.

It's worth remembering, though, that the ever-shrinking group of "Wagon-Pullers" gets to choose where the wagon goes. They are pulling it, after all.

What if they choose a nice cliff? Good entertainment watching the riders fly into destiny.

Or what if times are really tough and the wagon gets pulled to the above-mentioned soylent green factory? The world's riders can really enjoy each other that way!

That's the trouble with riding instead of pulling. Always comfy, but you never really know where you're gonna end up.

mick_richfield's picture

Some statists are in the Republican Party.

Some statists are in the Democratic Party.

Some statists are in the Socialist, or the Communist Party.

All statists end up in the Donner Party.


azzhatter's picture

Now this is a template for banksters although the stew would be shitty

yirgacheff's picture

Here is some news about France: The Fin Minister Moscovici, just cancelled the meeting he was supposed to have with Jacob Lew. He is probably too busy to make some bank transfers 

BandGap's picture


freewolf7's picture

Tastes like chicken, with the flu.

Pseudo Anonym's picture

you're nothing but an anti-semite pig to suggest that we should kill and eat these fine jewish central bankers that do so much for the society by enslaving humanity with their judefetzen.  go away you joo hater.

Same should happen for the central banksters!

Smuckers's picture

It was just supposed to be a haircut.


Squishi's picture

Hollande should be sent to North Korea!

otto skorzeny's picture

the most succulent part is the camel toe

Hulk's picture

I'd walk a mile to eat a camel !!!

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Your showing your (old) age Hulk. :)

<So am I since I understood your reference.>

Hulk's picture

Yes I am !!! I even surprised myself by remembering that, advertising works !!!

StychoKiller's picture

"Taste Me!  Taste Me!"  I can't remember what brand used the slogan, however.

Dr. Engali's picture

Screw that..too much work....let the camel walk to you.

Hulk's picture

Hey Doc, here's what us old fucks are talking about:

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Can't we just smoke, er..., stew the camel here?

jeebus's picture

Tyler sounds bored. Not enough economic despair today?