Small Businesses Planning To Hire: 0%

Tyler Durden's picture

In a shocking state of affairs, it would appear the stock market's wealth effect is not rubbing off on the real economy. The National Federation of Independent Businesses (NFIB) shows 0% of their members planning to hire. One can only presume we need moar QE, moar deficits, and moar wealth effect.

Recovery? 0%!!


So much for the wealth effect...


Goldman's take on the NFIB data:

Small business optimism declined to 89.5 in March (vs consensus 89.8), from 90.8 in February. Components of the survey were consistent with the decline in headline optimism, as the net percent of respondents planning to hire fell to 0% (from +4%), those expecting higher sales fell to -4% (from +1%), and those reporting that it is a good time to expand ticked down to +4% (from +5%). The net percent of respondents expecting the economy to improve was unchanged at -28%, a very depressed level. However, on the positive side, +25% of respondents plan increased capital spending [ZH: With Alcoa CapEx spending at a 2 year low]. Small business owners continue to place poor sales, taxes, and red tape at the top of their list of business problems, as they have for the past several years.

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docj's picture



malikai's picture

Green sharts everywhere!

New England Patriot's picture

Makes me feel sheepish for planning to hire someone.

GMadScientist's picture

If you have work for them to do, you have nothing to be sheepish about.

Popo's picture

Unfortunately, this is the kind of statistic that makes the religious zealots at the Federal Reserve think, "Maybe we need some more stimulus".

TheCanadianAustrian's picture

Does nobody else notice the blatant flaw in this story?

"Percentage of small businesses planning to hire" would be a simple survey and would obviously have a range of 0% to 100%. The headline implies that businesses were asked flat-out "Are you planning to hire? Yes/No" and not a single one checked off "Yes."

Yet the chart dips into negative territory.

Seems to me that the only way a hiring poll could go into negative territory is if it's surveynig "Net hiring intentions".

And if "Net hiring intentions" are zero, that means that small businesses are planning on hiring as many people as they plan on cutting.

This is bad news, to be sure, but nowhere near the absurd scenario implied by the headline.

I expect better than this yellow journalism from ZeroHedge, frankly.

Manthong's picture

It is tragic that most well intentioned people do not understand  that the collectivists who are driving the pathetic “debate” in this sorry-ass country are celebrating how well their strategy is playing out.

mkhs's picture

Are you planning on hiring? 

If number of yes equal number of no, net equals zero.  If more nos, negative?

azzhatter's picture

If we could just lower interest rates, I think we could get things going.


Fuck You Bernanke

archon's picture

In theory, negative interest rates are possible.  MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!

Banksters's picture

During this summer of recovery we'll have 250-500 k jobs a month created.  - 2010  Joe Biden

fonzannoon's picture

Wow that last chart implies a 500 point correction in the S&P..or a massive tsunami of hiring is about to be unleashed....or the S&P rocketed from the start of QE4eva and don't give a shit about anything or anyone.

fonzannoon's picture

winner winner horsemeat dinner!

pods's picture

Can I get some "calamari" for starters?


asscannon101's picture

Its now actually 'catamari', but don't tell anyone...

Yes_Questions's picture



Is that why none are floating down the river?

spastic_colon's picture

yes!....although I prefer camel

Mototard at Large's picture

Are you the guy that put President Hollande's camel into a stew pot? 

Rip van Wrinkle's picture

Only Bernanke Bucks imply ANYTHING whatsoever. Remember it.

Iconoclast's picture

Seems like a decent punt, a close on 30% correction once all the middle classes have been wiped out of their retirement funds, be rude of Wall St to leave 'em with anything...

Mercury's picture

Thanks to enlightened leadership our economy is evolving into a more fair and sustainable system.  Small businesses as we once knew them are simply part of the failed capitalist policies of the past.

The future will consist of much larger, more efficient organizations run by experts working hand-in-hand with their counterparts in government who are in the best positions to determine in which direction various actors within the economy should be applying their efforts.

Community-based co-ops (conducting business for a reasonable profit in full compliance with all relevant regulations, permits, licensing, supervision and fees) should replace most small businesses as we know them.

Did I get that right?

css1971's picture

MDB, you got competition.

GMadScientist's picture

Onward, to the failed capitalist policies of the future!

toys for tits's picture

"I can't worry about every undercapatilized business" - Hillary Clinton.

jumbo maverick's picture

" at this point WHAT does it matter?"
Hitlerly Clinton

duo's picture

Hillary, is that you?

TeamDepends's picture

That's all, folks!

Temporalist's picture

Nobody needs to work when on disability or has an EBT card so it's green shoots as far as the eye can see.

Debtless's picture

One man's job is Control P, the rest are irrelevant and being phased out.

HD's picture

With the Fed looking for ever more excuses to print I'm sure they are thrilled.


mayhem_korner's picture



You left out the engine of big growth - moar Obamacare.

Dr Benway's picture

The economy is so challenging that we should forgive companies for low earnings, yet at the same time things are going so great we should invest in the shares of said companies? We are being told that things are simultaneously terrible and superduper.

pods's picture

Yep, this economy reminds me of that shirt:

"I hate being bipolar.  It's awesome!"


Paper CRUSHer's picture

<------MOAR LIKE

<------NO LIKE

I recall one .9999 fine afternoon on my way back from the office I stopped off at the local bar and sat down next to a drunken ventriloquist and his dummy:


Bartender:"What 'ill be"

Me:"Jus' a whiskey"

Dummy:"Howz aboutz you make that a double"

Me:"Hey,how did ya do that?,I mean ya partners out cold who's make'n ya talk?"

Dummy:"Well smartass,with over 20 years experience in the entertainment industry ya tend to pick a thing up or two.......hey.bartender,cancel that order and make that two double wiskey's and make that double quick"

Bartender:"Okay,two double whiskey's comin'up"

Me:"Wassup with ya partner?"

Dummy:"Ohhh him ya mean,he's just a drunk, a failure ,a quitter and born loser.I keep tellin' him to quit the booze cos'its the economy stupid see so stop blaming yourself.All this QE nonsense ain't doin' much for us poor folks business wise that is.See,things have gone pretty rough in theatre business,the audience the crowd aren't what they used to be,nobody seems to interested anymore."

Me:"YEAH....tooo baaad,ya shoulda bought some gold and sliver years ago"

Dummy:"OH YEAH.....well ya can't eat gold smartass"


Dummy:"See,we jus' need something else,a new act,a different routine"

Me:"Listen,jus' dump your partner and go long the Dow and the S&P"

Dummy:"Hey,buddy overhere shhhhhhh ,dont mention this to anyone,if you wanna really now eventhough our entertainment business is on the rocks our joint investements are doing spectacularliy since luckily I, yes Me invested our entire fortune in that Bitcoin venture which will make the both us millionaires any day now and we'll be both on easy street"..

Me:"Now isn't that swell"

Dummy:"Hey buddy I 'ave got aboutz we get together?":

Me:"WHHAAAAT ME?, way...ah-ah....i ain't shoving my hand up no dummys ass"

Dummy:"HEY WISEGUY,now who do you suppose is makin' me talk.....dumbass"

Me:"Ya got a point there....HEY,WHO YA CALLIN' DUMBASS YA DUMMYASS"

Dummy:"HEY BUDDY,don't leave I was only kiddin'......ha-ha-hehe-he-he...HEY BARTENDER...... A BOTTLE OF THE BEST YA GOT"

Bartender:"OK....One Dom Perignon Methuselah comin'up"

Dummy:" Now,lets get back to business shall we.....he-he-heheh"


Bartender:"C'mon fellas its way past closing time"

Dummy:"So what d'ya' say buddy.....we partners?"

Me:"So, ya thought ya got me all liquored up......listen,I dont make deals with no wooden whacko dummy....ya 'ear"

Bartender 's Assisitant:"Your bill gentlemen...."


Me:"Dammit, left my american express in my other suit"



buzzsaw99's picture

Give Dimon another bonus.

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

NFIB is now a terrorist organization.

SheepDog-One's picture

I wish all the worst on our Manical Monetizer class.

GMadScientist's picture

You misspelled 'manacle'. ;)


SmallerGovNow2's picture

One word... Obamacare

Banksters's picture

Exactly, Dear Leader is fucking stupid.

post turtle saver's picture

Absolutely correct, and as predicted by a great many people on this board and elsewhere... +1000

Dan Conway's picture

It should be renamed "obamacouldcareless"

Downtoolong's picture

the stock market's wealth effect is not rubbing off on the real economy.

It didn't work when they called it trickle down either. Maybe it will if they change the name again. As the saying goes, the third time is the charm....or not.

Cookie's picture

I first heard the term trickle down in respect of the booming Thai economy in 1985, when the local elites were making a killing. It did not work then and does not work now. Thailand is still full of dirt poor people.

HD's picture

"Rubbing Off",  "Trickle Down" on the economy - there seems to be a theme. Maybe they can change the name to something more accurate like "Donkey Punch"* economy.


*Ladies - if you don't know what that term is don't google it. It's not, uh, nice.


scatterbrains's picture

The thugs that own and control the money don't give a fuck about small business. Small business is competition anyway, fuck'em let them all die off I say..  the sooner they die the less legislation congress needs to pass in order prevent them from competing with our lobby masters


/sarc    I truly feel sorry for small business caught up in the ponzi.