This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Guest Post: Don't Ask - It's Magic!

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by Charles Hugh-Smith of OfTwoMinds blog,

Any sufficiently advanced cartel's actions are indistinguishable from magic.

You may be surprised to learn that a marginalized, lowly blogger (me) has magical powers. It's not something I display in public, for self-evident reasons, but when two young friends, M.K. and K.K., expressed extreme skepticism, well, I was forced to display some wushu magic. Oh ye of little faith....

Don't ask--it's magic. The technique will be familiar to anyone who has practiced the esoteric Taoist arts, and after much pleading and cajoling, I revealed one basic technique to the young ladies.

To my chagrin, they both quickly mastered what had taken me years of arduous effort. M.K. shows me how it feels to be on the receiving end--ouch:

K.K. blasts her sister big-time:

OK, it's not quite magic. Like many other cutting-edge fads, such as money-printing to infinity, this type of faux manga-style martial arts began in Japan:
But let's talk a bit about real magic. Science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke's Three Laws famously include this one:
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
As evidence, I present the S&P 500 from January 1, 2013 to the present, April 12, 2013:
Don't ask--it's magic. Some of the potions and incantations have been leaked, of course, for example POMO and the pre-open purchase of E-Mini contracts, but like any good magic, the real techniques are secret.
As a result of the stupendous rally in the SPX, I propose a Fourth Law:
Any sufficiently advanced cartel's actions are indistinguishable from magic.

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:32 | 3442341 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Any sufficiently advanced cartel's actions are indistinguishable from magic."

Krugman's aliens might have something to say about our "sufficiently advanced cartel's actions".

<" what you're doing with that probe buddy." - Bernanke>

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:35 | 3442361 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

Funny picture, funny picture, Mickey Mouse, SR quote... have a good weekend everybody.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:37 | 3442370 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I lol'd, good pics, funny post. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:37 | 3442378 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

A happy Patriot's day to you on Monday while you are still allowed to celebrate it.  That holiday will be banned soon in the People's Republic, I mean Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:48 | 3442415 akak
akak's picture

What the hell is "Patriot's Day"?  Is this some new (mandatory) 'patriotic' holiday courtesy of the Department of Fatherland Security and/or the so-called (Un)"Patriot Act"?


PS: Purely as an aside here, since the topic of pseudo-patriotism has come up, how many others here are increasingly uncomfortable or even ashamed by the (seemingly ever-growing) public presentations of the US national anthem (with their mandatory displays of allegiance), or even, like myself, refuse to stand up for it?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:50 | 3442443 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture


It commemorates the last Monday before the NFL draft. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:51 | 3442460 SoNH80
SoNH80's picture

It commemorates the Minutemen (Patriots) that fought the Battles of Lexington and Concord in April 1775.  This one is actually pretty legit.  There is also "Evacuation Day" in Suffolk County, Mass., which commemorates the sailing of British forces out of Boston in March 1776, which conveniently falls the Monday after St. Patrick's Day, to better facilitate heavy drinking by ye sons of Erin.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:54 | 3442466 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

USA, USA über alles,

Über alles in der Welt,

Wenn es stets zu Schutz und Trutze

Brüderlich zusammenhält,

Von der Maas bis an die Memel,

Von der Etsch bis an den Belt -

USA, USA über alles,

Über alles in der Welt.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 18:31 | 3443171 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

CD: please, at least h/t to Arthur C. Clark, cuz most of the folks around these here parts don't know about the third-best sci-fi writer in history.

- Ned

{silly kidz cnt fkn undstd ur post}

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:04 | 3443444 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

Hope they didn't get hurt falling through the glass doors in that first pic!


I believe in magic! Yes I do!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:33 | 3442344 fuu
fuu's picture


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442407 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I had almost the same thought, only mine had a "WTF" in front of it.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:54 | 3442470 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

"At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:34 | 3442353 venturen
venturen's picture

when you print money like there is no tomorrow....everything goes up!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:35 | 3442365 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

except apparently gold!  They are putting thier crooked fucking exclamation point on that.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442416 walküre
walküre's picture

Someone without access to a printer is in dire straits and having to raise liquidity FAST.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:04 | 3442507 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

I don't buy it. A 5% drop on a friday? Bullshit, it's a timed and coordinated attack. Something's up, and it's not gonna be pleasant.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:14 | 3442538 akak
akak's picture

ANYONE who would dare claim that today's movements in the precious metals are merely the result of "normal market activity" should be immediately dismissed from consideration as an honest, intelligent or unbiased observer.  Some people are too cowardly, or too co-opted, to openly acknowledge reality, no matter how hard it smacks them in the face.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:58 | 3443078 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

That's what the Hunt brothers said.  :)

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:45 | 3442424 resurger
resurger's picture

When the demand soars, the price drops .. see am not that stupid after all.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:01 | 3442492 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Because debt is an asset and cash-on-hand is a liability.  Imagine two brazilian transsexuasl, sixty-nining while Chuck Norris claps his hands in kata.  Now, breathe out...

See?  Cookies, petals, a pound of butter, nails in the wall, ocelots.  It's all Alan Alda, until it isn't.  Pudding is denser than water.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:03 | 3442502 DC3
DC3's picture

And wages

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:43 | 3443572 blindman
blindman's picture

gift horse / mouth / don't look.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:34 | 3442355 RobD
RobD's picture

Looks like the shanking of gold did not stop with the London close. Have not seen a late Friday sale off in the Globex in a while.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:39 | 3442383 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

....not since May 2011?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:49 | 3442437 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Everything you see is paper.

The CB's and elite are siphoning off the physical as weak hands get squeezed.

They can sqeeeze gold as much as they care to in the monetary kabuki market, but at some point they are going to have to fight industy and die hard stackers for physical in the silver show.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:34 | 3442363 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

....and the CNBS Dweeb did say it can't go down, why not believe him? <end sarc>

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:38 | 3442381 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

The answer is simple.  If only the market could trade 7 days a week, the country would be out of debt in no time.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:36 | 3442364 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

I'd be surprised if gold and silver don't rally into the close.  Otherwise Asia is going to be able to get in on the firesale come Monday.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:46 | 3442421 saints51
saints51's picture

Nah, they will fuck with us by giving bearish chart porn for the weekend. Make it look like it will continue to drop. Then short squeeze the weak hands because they will have stole Cyprus gold by then.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442423 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Ever have a thought that Asia is working late this Friday?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:35 | 3442366 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

It's kindalike watching pro wrestling.
Fraudulent, yet in some perverse way, amusing.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:35 | 3442371 Eagle Keeper
Eagle Keeper's picture

Doesn't that graph simply depict inflation?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:36 | 3442373 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

The something for nothing economy...repleat with perpetual motion machines (Mr Abe's) and winning streaks at the black jack table (errr stock market). If we all feel like winners, if we all light candles, close oureyes, join handsand believe that the economy is levitating ... then isn't it real?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:38 | 3442377 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

It would be so cool to have a PPT for PM's right now.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:42 | 3442399 resurger
resurger's picture

I can Shinpu!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:43 | 3442402 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

500 tons of gold paper sold today

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:45 | 3442427 walküre
walküre's picture

This wasn't all paper. But keep in mind there are offtakers on the other side of that deal. I weep for the sellers as it was not by their personal choice.

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 06:00 | 3444213 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

If they are leveraged and get a margin call, they must sell.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:47 | 3442434 resurger
resurger's picture
Gold 1,488.00 -76.90 -4.91%

Biggest sales ever, Thank you Blythe ... btw This is not NOT NORMAL, any one knows what the fuck is going on?!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:51 | 3442459 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

well Jim Willie told me yesterday that the fed was going to trun friendly towards gold and shoot it up so the Chinese won't be able to buy it at such low prices. 

Whatever. It could drop another couple hundred bucks. It's paper, so it may drop to zero. Nop one said this was going to be easy. Anyone want to get off the ride?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:58 | 3442482 resurger
resurger's picture

Yeah, i read his observation that Shanghai had allowed Arbitrage to crush LBMA and COMEX the paper leveraged naked sellers ...

more orders should be coming to for physical delivery now? How much is the Shanghai gold price, or this is the futures for Jun and Aug

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:18 | 3443478 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:16 | 3443495 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture

You're damn right. Someday we'll get price discovery on physical, over Bernanke's dead body probably. For now you can get physical for the same price as promises of physical. Thats pretty cool.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:42 | 3442406 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Come to think of it, I've lived to see America become 3.79 million square miles of the WWF.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442408 saints51
saints51's picture

and here comes the pump...on fucking time.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:49 | 3442436 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Magic... yeah... and just earlier today BI Joe wrote an article proclaiming that gold price movement in the down direction PROVES that the Fed was right. More magic, right? Folks, we've gone full retard. I wouldn't use the word magic, personally. I would use the word FUCKED.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:54 | 3442464 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

If I could steal lollipops from kids and beat old ladies up for their cash - my friends would think I was a magician not working but having a constant supply of lollipops and $100 bills.

Bernanke is a thief, not a magician.


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:57 | 3442860 mkhs
mkhs's picture

Grandma only has a crumpled fiver, otherwise bullseye.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:54 | 3442472 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     Anyone, and I mean anyone that thinks this 'Freakshow' of a market is trading on anything but POMO, lives under a 'RAINBOW' and rides a 'UNICORN' to work...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:59 | 3442486 akak
akak's picture

Ah, for the glory days of RobotTrader ....

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:07 | 3442528 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     I'm eating lunch Akak. :-)

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:56 | 3442474 greggh99
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 18:45 | 3443226 blindman
blindman's picture

great tune, don't mind the red arrow morons

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:55 | 3442475 Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

PMs are being killed. I sense totalitarianism coming in the morning, and people cheering its triumph.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 18:01 | 3443087 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Then no one would complain when Michelle blows a G on new clothes for the new July 4th.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:03 | 3442495 adr
adr's picture

I want Morgan Freeman to bestow upon me the powers of God, so I can make my wife's boobs grow two cup sizes and make my dog use the toilet so I don't have to clean up after him all over the house.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:03 | 3442499 nomorebuyins
nomorebuyins's picture

Dow must be green!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:05 | 3442506 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Todays volume on GLD implies over 5M oz of gold traded, while Comex has less than 3M oz of gold registered.  WTF???!!!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:05 | 3442511 The Dancer
The Dancer's picture

What's truly magical is the TPPT turned the DOW green on the last tick of the tape....what pittiful people run the system! And how stupid they think the masses ase! And they are!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:15 | 3442564 saints51
saints51's picture

Hot damn!!! 401k went up another 37 cents today.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:06 | 3442518 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

KK's tuna diet seems to work out very well.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:24 | 3442617 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Maybe if it were escolar

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:10 | 3442548 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Bernanke's the Sorcerer's Apprentice, and would look quite dapper in a pointed hat.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:14 | 3442559 tempo
tempo's picture

The mkt has moved higher since jpy announced trillion $ stimulus. Its very simple.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:20 | 3442602 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture

Did you tap that?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:59 | 3443912 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture

Guess down arrow means no.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:24 | 3442631 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

This is not magic it's more like artificial or fraudulent like the horsemeat and fake tuna.

It's not magic to be eating pink slime.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:35 | 3442714 LuchadorChumba
LuchadorChumba's picture

Oye Chucky Hugh, got a magical joke for you… how many Luchadors does it take to knock over three castles with two wrecking balls?

That ‘Wanger’ hombre sure knew more than he slurred. when he hawked, “Der’s nuf popcorn for a zillion fairgoers. 111,111,111 kernels of popcorn multiplied by itself is a shit load of Popcorn!

Zero Hedgers, those son of a bitch Kabbalists stole my techniques and named them after themselves! Originally, all my methods were called Luchabbalism.

Let’s get to the point., It’s time you learned about me magic numero 911. El numero 11, with all its variations (1.1 or 111) is the number of creation. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12345678987654321. Oye, it’s also the collection of ’9? Elevens (111,111,111 multiplied by itself). Don’t mind all the mumbo jumbo mystery magic stuff, O.K.? Just remind your bad-ass luchador self that by using this information, we can conjure and create all ‘things’.

Entonces, in my fighting ring, which is the only ring that matters, each numero has its own meaning. So eschucha… 5 is the number of ‘Sacrifice’, 9 is the number of the ‘Fall’, and 11 is the total of the number 5 (see the sangre on the mat, taste blood when eating morcilla, hear the splash of blood when I hit my opponent, slip on blood, my pitbulls smell blood) and the number 6 ( which is war upon the audience with the audiences assistance).

Luchador Tip 1! *Me zionist-style Luchadors say the temporal world was created on the 9th month, 11th day. Talk about being carried away!

Luchador Tip 2 Check out the meaning of 322 by clicking here!

Do you know what the next 911 conjure is? I do. I tell u later. Or… you might just read A Book to be Burned, and listen to the audiobook. Damn, that flood (the one in the book) is roaring good fun!

I know, it’s muy dificil, but for a moment, comprende esos numeros jumbling around in su cabesa only exist as as symptom of the thought process. No where else. Y tambien, all those numbers, originally written have their corresponding angles. 1 had 1 angle, 2 had 2, 3 had 3 and so on (look up dot math estudiantes – recuerdo, angles in question are all under 180 degrees). Each angle means something, tiene significa, subconsciously to the thought process. Each angle forms a reaction in your brains programming, one that most of you are not aware of because you are too busy splashing blood and swinging meat. Attencion! Why does a stop sign have 8 sides, with an external angles of 135 degrees? It’s because 135 degree is an angle of control. You do as your told when you come across it. That why my control muchachos have the same angles on their badges! Pinche Federales. All these angles have power over your mind. When you become aware of it, the angles lose some of their triceps. So, don’t tell too many people. Shhhhhh. I’ll tell you more later, just make sure you show up to clase. Oh, did I tell you that an angle is really an angel?

If I haven’t told you all about octagons yet (or Trauma based mind control), but I will. When you understand the deep manipulative power of 135 degrees, y comprende fully the nature of numbers and how they are self-created, then you know that a simple mathematical calculation is a mirror of self-fulfilling prophesy… now listen… 135 degrees is 1+3+5= 9. Your deep self knows what 9 is, even if you refuse to admit it. Your subconscious mind and the temporal universe always understands. While your conscious mind is out getting nachos, your subconscious mind is planting traps for you, digging ditches for su amor, and throwing dead bodies on the path in front of your feet. The audiences deep mind (shallow pond) ayudame, help me mask the parts of the essential nature that I’ve stolen, by conjured up personalities, experiences they think are theirs, memories that have no use, creations my audience thinks are their creators (at least that’s what that hoto Xavier says, and calls it your essential nature).

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:59 | 3443632 BigJim
BigJim's picture

+1 for hispanic incomprehensibility

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:43 | 3442766 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Cntrl-P <enter>.


Nothing fucking magical about it.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:49 | 3442807 They Tried to S...
They Tried to Steal My Gold's picture

I see their yard is much like market dire need of a servere haircut and mowing.


and like the Yen ........Japanese Trash

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:50 | 3442817 hannah
hannah's picture

aaaahhhh....this isnt magic....the central bank prints money and does illegal market manipulations. they also manipulate the stats and manipulate the accounting. why is this magic....?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:08 | 3442908 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

And in the end the Sorcerer’s Apprentice was overwhelmed and almost destroyed by the magic which he thought he could control, but couldn’t.


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 18:42 | 3443220 blindman
blindman's picture

not even jesus himself would speak of thieves in the daylight.
jesus h. Christ, this money system is a bitch and a gas ...
Rolling Stones - Bitch
The Rolling Stones - Jumping Jack Flash - Live On Copacabana Beach
magic gas.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:38 | 3443551 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

So who's the sorcerer and who's the apprentice? As I recall the apprentice was the one looking for an easy way out of his chores, and tries a bit of magic on the corner broom, which then promptly proceeds to fuck up the Master's lab by flooding it with water. Apprentice then tries to solve problem by axing broom into pieces which only succeeds in creating more brooms and more water...Gee this is starting to sound familiar. Greedy humans fuck up planet with lazy shortcuts. Then scared humans try to fix problems with more shortcuts which only succeed in creating yet more problems.

..So, who's the master to fix it all? Or are we cursed with nothing but incompetent apprentii?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:17 | 3443819 Tunga
Tunga's picture

Print Gold at home in your spare time!
3d technology makes it possible to make your own Gold!
Supplies are limited.
Order now!! Only 9 ninety 9 ninety 9 ninety nine! Easy payments!
Call now! If my mom answers tell her it's for "the one". She'll know what you mean. 

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 06:12 | 3444216 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

If you want to print unlimited gold, you first need a way to put a piece of gold in a time loop, which would create a near infinite number of virtual images of the gold. It would probably require a matter transmitter or wormhole generator and a big black hole to wrap the loop around. Then you need to pluck those virtual images into reality one by one, which requires adding energy equal to the mc2 of the gold. Me thinks this is a bit beyond our current capabilities, but Cap'n Kirk of the Starship Enterprise could probably pull it off. However, the most critical factor, even if you have the technology, is that the mass-energy of the gold has to be much cheaper than the gold to make it worthwhile.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!