Japan Prepares To Fight Three Front 'War'

Tyler Durden's picture


First there was Japan's 'capture' of the Senkakus and the looming troubles that small island will lead to with the Chinese. Then came the economic deflationary spiral, as the global devaluation of developed market currencies prompted Japan to start an aggressive currency war of their own. And now, with North Korea's sabre rattling growing ever louder, Fox News reports that following comments by Japan's Yoshihide Suga on "destroying any missile heading towards Japan," the North Koreans retorted with a threat that Tokyo would be the first target if they decide to play the nuclear card. Luckily, we have John Kerry on the spot, "if Kim Jong Un decides to launch a missile, whether it's across the Sea of Japan or some other direction, he will be choosing willfully to ignore the entire international community," as he weighed in on comments leaked yesterday that North Korea now had the know-how to arm a ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead - even if the weapons would lack reliability. Which is worse an unreliable nuclear missile or a reliable one? Though there is a silver lining, since if a broken window creates a Keynesian utopia, just think of the GDP-boosting greatness of a nuclear explosion in the heart of Roppongi.


Via Fox News,

North Korea reportedly warned Japan that Tokyo would be the first target if Pyongyang decides to play its nuclear card.




"We are doing all we can to protect the safety of our nation," chief Cabinet spokesman Yoshihide Suga said, though he and Ministry of Defense officials refused to confirm the reports about the naval alert, saying they do not want to "show their cards" to North Korea.


Japanese officials long have feared that North Korea not only has the means but several potential motives for launching an attack on Tokyo or major U.S. military installations on Japan’s main island.




Kerry also weighed in on an intelligence report that rocked Washington on Thursday and suggested that North Korea now had the knowhow to arm a ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead -- even if the weapons would lack reliability. Citing the Pentagon's assessment, Kerry rejected the finding and said that Pyongyang still hadn't developed or fully tested the nuclear capacities needed for such a step.


Speaking beside Kerry, South Korea Foreign Minister Yun Byung-se called for more United Nations action against Pyongyang if it commits another provocation.

He refused to comment specifically on the U.S. intelligence report, saying only that the North has "high nuclear and missile capabilities" but that it is still some time away from a nuclear bomb that is "small, light and diversified."


"They have to be really serious," Kerry said. "No one is going to talk for the sake of talking and no one is going to play this round-robin game that gets repeated every few years, which is both unnecessary and dangerous."

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Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:50 | 3441871 High_on_Sarcotics
High_on_Sarcotics's picture

This will end fantastically. It's been a while since I've seen really good fireworks! :)

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:56 | 3441896 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

Yea. That explains why the vix is barely hanging on to 12. Geeezzz.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:03 | 3441928 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

In other news, oil was discovered in North Korea.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:06 | 3441944 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

haha and PRC would just say never mind, lets get our oil at 20 times the price from the Mid East, coz its just too easy paying an extra bag of rice for them barrels on our doortstep

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:10 | 3441959 Dark_Horse
Dark_Horse's picture


Where's the modern Gulf of Tonkin when you need one?


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:16 | 3441968 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

I wonder. When the future is as dark as you guys say, when everything is going to shit, I wonder, why should I continue to live and tho through that misery and die at the end, why not commit suicide right now and be rid of the future of misery ..

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:17 | 3441989 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Be of good cheer. We'll have the chance to take some of the people who think they're untouchable with us before the end.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:23 | 3442014 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

What's the point my brothers? isn't an injection of morphine induced final sleep better?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442043 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

No. The horrors of life are but a shadow of the evilness of death. Why run towards it?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:38 | 3442103 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... TEPCO has already murdered Tokyo, but Li'l Kim is gonna get the blame?

Gee, it's almost as if he was born to be the world's biggest fall guy.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:45 | 3442136 Precious
Precious's picture

Yah Tyler.  Roppongi, where all the douchebag, lowlife foreigners hang out at the bar businesses that cater to them.  And the HQs of the naive, self-important foreign corportions like Goldman, Google, etc. etc. and the half-assed Japanese english major CEOs with personal identity crisis. Guess your idea wouldn't be so bad. Would save Japanese people a lot of time getting rid of that pompous shit some other way.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:42 | 3442405 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

The Japanese Govt brought this upon themselves if a war really becomes a reality. I feel sorry for the Japanese citizens but if they aint going to fend for themselves, well too fuckin bad.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:23 | 3442611 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

Nuking Japan?!?

Talk about carrying coals to Newcastle.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:18 | 3442956 Matt
Matt's picture

What did the Japanese do, exactly, to provoke North Korea?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:55 | 3442178 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Japan is fighting Fukushima on a fourth front, and I'm considering launching a fifth front.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:04 | 3442216 akak
akak's picture

Hard to imagine a nation fighting a war on three fronts when they can't even defend themselves from their own idiocy, geological certainty and one wayward rat.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:08 | 3442239 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That's what happens when one person swears to obey another, rather than judging every request on its own merits.

BTW, judges don't like it when you refuse, as it insults them while leaving the window open for that nasty ole legal idea of nullification (I also haven't had a jury summons in the five years since).

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:46 | 3442433 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

NK would be aiming the nuke for US soil but because of reliability, the nuke will most likely end up landing in Japan, hence Piglet Jr is warning Japan.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:22 | 3442960 Matt
Matt's picture

While it would make more sense to aim North to go over the pole, I guess they don't want to fire over China and piss off their only substantial ally.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:42 | 3443874 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Japan has been marked for death since Fukushima and 3 11 11 (322).

Probably a specific condition dictated by China as a quid pro quo for the Globalists if they insist on making China the wheelhouse/redoubt of their Luciferian endgame.

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 05:07 | 3444195 ClumsyBoatman
ClumsyBoatman's picture

can you repeat in engrish prease?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442409 The Heart
The Heart's picture

"So... TEPCO has already murdered Tokyo,..."

Bing-badda-bang! You got it brother.

"We are doing all we can to protect the safety of our nation," chief Cabinet spokesman Yoshihide Suga said,..."

Horse blah-blah! It is no secret that japan cares not for it's own people, or the worlds people either. Talk about a boat load of slop bucket tripe, everybody knows that clowns like this blabbering liar, (the one thing the japs are really good at still) are kowtowing to the globalist population reduction agenda, and coming world war to cover up the dead banks a'crashin.

Fear fear fear...eat some at a TV near you soon. More fear fear fear for desert too...what's on the drug TV?

Meanwhile, the babylonians are doing their dastardly worst behind the distractions galore for the mass-mind to consume. History repeats itself:




Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:27 | 3443308 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Someone had to take Saddam's and Osama's place.  Its like the latest Hollywood celeb, but they come up with new ones to be Un Popular.

Hmmm. . . I don't imagine most of us speak Korean, and we cant trust the mainstream media or government anyway. There's no telling what they said or didnt say.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442049 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

The fun in life is living it. Why surrender to evil when you can enjoy fighting it?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:29 | 3442055 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

My mom has said much the same as you, and I don't begrudge people for thinking that way. But she's old, and her reasoning is that she wouldn't last long once everything goes to hell. In my opinion, those of us who are in decent health have a moral obligation to stick around and try to fix things as much as we can.

This mess is a lot to process, but a bit of booze (or other stuff) can help take the edge off every now and then.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:41 | 3442115 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Washington State Bud

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:26 | 3442633 ghandi
ghandi's picture

Matanuska Thunderfuck

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 10:50 | 3444429 prains
prains's picture

one man's "bit" is another man's 2four, I'm trying to come up with a cocktail called the "hedge" but need help with ingredients, it needs to be impolite to the palette at first taste but upon further consideration a rainbow of possiblities emerge and as you swallow a sharp kick to the balls buckles you to your knees.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:26 | 3442030 Town Crier
Town Crier's picture

What is it that Kim and his advisors are always looking at, through binoculars?  Kim: "I see sign in Austin, Texas... it say, 'BIG HAT, NO CATTLE.'  What that mean?"  On the other hand, the US Gov. lies about everything on earth except North Korea, right?  

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442059 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

It's symbolic of them taking the "long-view." 


Propaganda at its finest.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442068 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture




Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:32 | 3443342 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

"What is it that Kim and his advisors are always looking at, through binoculars?"

Kim:  "Whoa !  Check out that hottie at 2 o'clock !"

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:49 | 3443893 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Methinks Kim inadvertently subscribed to an Infowars podcast.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:20 | 3441993 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

Cheerfully withdrawn.

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 15:13 | 3444977 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture



North Korean Missile Test

Delayed by Windows 8


North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.”


Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95.


The New Yorker
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:19 | 3441999 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Can I have your gold, when you are dead?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:24 | 3442025 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

Sure, I'm sure you'll be able to bring it with yourself beyond the pearly gates :-) 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:56 | 3442177 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The pearly gates are out of my control to open or close, for myself and/or anyone else.

I'm thinking of this life, and of those who will follow me through it, in my care. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:34 | 3443542 Tompooz
Tompooz's picture

Talking about pearly gates, have you fightclub lovers already read Palahniuk's latest novel "Damned"?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:21 | 3442006 spinone
spinone's picture

Don't get carried away.  The human race is always on the verge of disaster

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442048 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

LOL, but ZH makes it sound like it is on the verge... Makes me sad. :'( 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:49 | 3442150 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

hmm?  makes me glad.

We get to rebuild.

Rise like a Phoenix.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:42 | 3443361 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Yep, the world has been like this for thousands of years. A small group of parasites living off of everyone else. They use manipulation so that people become their own prison guards. If we could magically snap our fingers and wake up everyone in the world, this shit would end instantly.

Regardless, this is the time in history when more people are aware of this fact than possibly during any previous era. We are blessed to live at a time where there is the possibility that humanity may break out of its self imposed mental prison.

Wouldnt miss it for the world.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:37 | 3442367 viahj
viahj's picture

per Life of Brian:



Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

...always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the light side
of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
- that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright
side of life...

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance

So always look on the bright side
of death...

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath...

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see its all a show, keep 'em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the right side
of life...

C'mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life...

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life...

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life...
(Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:22 | 3442009 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

Can I have your stuff?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:26 | 3442034 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

Of course, but I doubt yhoull be able to accomplish anything with any amount of riches I give you, looking at the time that's about to come. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442061 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

You're probably right - I won't be able to put a dent in it, but my wife could put Brewster to shame.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442057 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture

yeah, it's over, dump your rubbish and head for the mountains, forget society. they don't appreciate you anyway. 


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 23:15 | 3443944 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

"I wonder. When the future is as dark as you guys say, when everything is going to shit, I wonder, why should I continue to live and tho through that misery and die at the end, why not commit suicide right now and be rid of the future of misery .."


beats me.


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