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Japan Prepares To Fight Three Front 'War'

Tyler Durden's picture


First there was Japan's 'capture' of the Senkakus and the looming troubles that small island will lead to with the Chinese. Then came the economic deflationary spiral, as the global devaluation of developed market currencies prompted Japan to start an aggressive currency war of their own. And now, with North Korea's sabre rattling growing ever louder, Fox News reports that following comments by Japan's Yoshihide Suga on "destroying any missile heading towards Japan," the North Koreans retorted with a threat that Tokyo would be the first target if they decide to play the nuclear card. Luckily, we have John Kerry on the spot, "if Kim Jong Un decides to launch a missile, whether it's across the Sea of Japan or some other direction, he will be choosing willfully to ignore the entire international community," as he weighed in on comments leaked yesterday that North Korea now had the know-how to arm a ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead - even if the weapons would lack reliability. Which is worse an unreliable nuclear missile or a reliable one? Though there is a silver lining, since if a broken window creates a Keynesian utopia, just think of the GDP-boosting greatness of a nuclear explosion in the heart of Roppongi.


Via Fox News,

North Korea reportedly warned Japan that Tokyo would be the first target if Pyongyang decides to play its nuclear card.




"We are doing all we can to protect the safety of our nation," chief Cabinet spokesman Yoshihide Suga said, though he and Ministry of Defense officials refused to confirm the reports about the naval alert, saying they do not want to "show their cards" to North Korea.


Japanese officials long have feared that North Korea not only has the means but several potential motives for launching an attack on Tokyo or major U.S. military installations on Japan’s main island.




Kerry also weighed in on an intelligence report that rocked Washington on Thursday and suggested that North Korea now had the knowhow to arm a ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead -- even if the weapons would lack reliability. Citing the Pentagon's assessment, Kerry rejected the finding and said that Pyongyang still hadn't developed or fully tested the nuclear capacities needed for such a step.


Speaking beside Kerry, South Korea Foreign Minister Yun Byung-se called for more United Nations action against Pyongyang if it commits another provocation.

He refused to comment specifically on the U.S. intelligence report, saying only that the North has "high nuclear and missile capabilities" but that it is still some time away from a nuclear bomb that is "small, light and diversified."


"They have to be really serious," Kerry said. "No one is going to talk for the sake of talking and no one is going to play this round-robin game that gets repeated every few years, which is both unnecessary and dangerous."


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Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:50 | 3441871 High_on_Sarcotics
High_on_Sarcotics's picture

This will end fantastically. It's been a while since I've seen really good fireworks! :)

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:56 | 3441896 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

Yea. That explains why the vix is barely hanging on to 12. Geeezzz.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:03 | 3441928 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

In other news, oil was discovered in North Korea.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:06 | 3441944 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

haha and PRC would just say never mind, lets get our oil at 20 times the price from the Mid East, coz its just too easy paying an extra bag of rice for them barrels on our doortstep

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:10 | 3441959 Dark_Horse
Dark_Horse's picture


Where's the modern Gulf of Tonkin when you need one?


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:16 | 3441968 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

I wonder. When the future is as dark as you guys say, when everything is going to shit, I wonder, why should I continue to live and tho through that misery and die at the end, why not commit suicide right now and be rid of the future of misery ..

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:17 | 3441989 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Be of good cheer. We'll have the chance to take some of the people who think they're untouchable with us before the end.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:23 | 3442014 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

What's the point my brothers? isn't an injection of morphine induced final sleep better?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442043 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

No. The horrors of life are but a shadow of the evilness of death. Why run towards it?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:38 | 3442103 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... TEPCO has already murdered Tokyo, but Li'l Kim is gonna get the blame?

Gee, it's almost as if he was born to be the world's biggest fall guy.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:45 | 3442136 Precious
Precious's picture

Yah Tyler.  Roppongi, where all the douchebag, lowlife foreigners hang out at the bar businesses that cater to them.  And the HQs of the naive, self-important foreign corportions like Goldman, Google, etc. etc. and the half-assed Japanese english major CEOs with personal identity crisis. Guess your idea wouldn't be so bad. Would save Japanese people a lot of time getting rid of that pompous shit some other way.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:42 | 3442405 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

The Japanese Govt brought this upon themselves if a war really becomes a reality. I feel sorry for the Japanese citizens but if they aint going to fend for themselves, well too fuckin bad.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:23 | 3442611 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

Nuking Japan?!?

Talk about carrying coals to Newcastle.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:18 | 3442956 Matt
Matt's picture

What did the Japanese do, exactly, to provoke North Korea?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:55 | 3442178 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Japan is fighting Fukushima on a fourth front, and I'm considering launching a fifth front.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:04 | 3442216 akak
akak's picture

Hard to imagine a nation fighting a war on three fronts when they can't even defend themselves from their own idiocy, geological certainty and one wayward rat.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:08 | 3442239 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That's what happens when one person swears to obey another, rather than judging every request on its own merits.

BTW, judges don't like it when you refuse, as it insults them while leaving the window open for that nasty ole legal idea of nullification (I also haven't had a jury summons in the five years since).

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:46 | 3442433 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

NK would be aiming the nuke for US soil but because of reliability, the nuke will most likely end up landing in Japan, hence Piglet Jr is warning Japan.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:22 | 3442960 Matt
Matt's picture

While it would make more sense to aim North to go over the pole, I guess they don't want to fire over China and piss off their only substantial ally.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:42 | 3443874 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Japan has been marked for death since Fukushima and 3 11 11 (322).

Probably a specific condition dictated by China as a quid pro quo for the Globalists if they insist on making China the wheelhouse/redoubt of their Luciferian endgame.

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 05:07 | 3444195 ClumsyBoatman
ClumsyBoatman's picture

can you repeat in engrish prease?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442409 The Heart
The Heart's picture

"So... TEPCO has already murdered Tokyo,..."

Bing-badda-bang! You got it brother.

"We are doing all we can to protect the safety of our nation," chief Cabinet spokesman Yoshihide Suga said,..."

Horse blah-blah! It is no secret that japan cares not for it's own people, or the worlds people either. Talk about a boat load of slop bucket tripe, everybody knows that clowns like this blabbering liar, (the one thing the japs are really good at still) are kowtowing to the globalist population reduction agenda, and coming world war to cover up the dead banks a'crashin.

Fear fear some at a TV near you soon. More fear fear fear for desert too...what's on the drug TV?

Meanwhile, the babylonians are doing their dastardly worst behind the distractions galore for the mass-mind to consume. History repeats itself:


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:27 | 3443308 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Someone had to take Saddam's and Osama's place.  Its like the latest Hollywood celeb, but they come up with new ones to be Un Popular.

Hmmm. . . I don't imagine most of us speak Korean, and we cant trust the mainstream media or government anyway. There's no telling what they said or didnt say.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442049 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

The fun in life is living it. Why surrender to evil when you can enjoy fighting it?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:29 | 3442055 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

My mom has said much the same as you, and I don't begrudge people for thinking that way. But she's old, and her reasoning is that she wouldn't last long once everything goes to hell. In my opinion, those of us who are in decent health have a moral obligation to stick around and try to fix things as much as we can.

This mess is a lot to process, but a bit of booze (or other stuff) can help take the edge off every now and then.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:41 | 3442115 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Washington State Bud

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:26 | 3442633 ghandi
ghandi's picture

Matanuska Thunderfuck

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 10:50 | 3444429 prains
prains's picture

one man's "bit" is another man's 2four, I'm trying to come up with a cocktail called the "hedge" but need help with ingredients, it needs to be impolite to the palette at first taste but upon further consideration a rainbow of possiblities emerge and as you swallow a sharp kick to the balls buckles you to your knees.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:26 | 3442030 Town Crier
Town Crier's picture

What is it that Kim and his advisors are always looking at, through binoculars?  Kim: "I see sign in Austin, Texas... it say, 'BIG HAT, NO CATTLE.'  What that mean?"  On the other hand, the US Gov. lies about everything on earth except North Korea, right?  

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442059 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

It's symbolic of them taking the "long-view." 


Propaganda at its finest.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442068 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture




Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:32 | 3443342 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

"What is it that Kim and his advisors are always looking at, through binoculars?"

Kim:  "Whoa !  Check out that hottie at 2 o'clock !"

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 22:49 | 3443893 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Methinks Kim inadvertently subscribed to an Infowars podcast.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:20 | 3441993 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

Cheerfully withdrawn.

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 15:13 | 3444977 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture



North Korean Missile Test

Delayed by Windows 8


North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.”


Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95.


The New Yorker
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:19 | 3441999 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Can I have your gold, when you are dead?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:24 | 3442025 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

Sure, I'm sure you'll be able to bring it with yourself beyond the pearly gates :-) 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:56 | 3442177 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The pearly gates are out of my control to open or close, for myself and/or anyone else.

I'm thinking of this life, and of those who will follow me through it, in my care. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 20:34 | 3443542 Tompooz
Tompooz's picture

Talking about pearly gates, have you fightclub lovers already read Palahniuk's latest novel "Damned"?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:21 | 3442006 spinone
spinone's picture

Don't get carried away.  The human race is always on the verge of disaster

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:28 | 3442048 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

LOL, but ZH makes it sound like it is on the verge... Makes me sad. :'( 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:49 | 3442150 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

hmm?  makes me glad.

We get to rebuild.

Rise like a Phoenix.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:42 | 3443361 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Yep, the world has been like this for thousands of years. A small group of parasites living off of everyone else. They use manipulation so that people become their own prison guards. If we could magically snap our fingers and wake up everyone in the world, this shit would end instantly.

Regardless, this is the time in history when more people are aware of this fact than possibly during any previous era. We are blessed to live at a time where there is the possibility that humanity may break out of its self imposed mental prison.

Wouldnt miss it for the world.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:37 | 3442367 viahj
viahj's picture

per Life of Brian:



Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

...always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the light side
of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
- that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright
side of life...

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance

So always look on the bright side
of death...

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath...

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see its all a show, keep 'em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the right side
of life...

C'mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life...

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life...

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life...
(Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:22 | 3442009 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

Can I have your stuff?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:26 | 3442034 rajat_bhatia
rajat_bhatia's picture

Of course, but I doubt yhoull be able to accomplish anything with any amount of riches I give you, looking at the time that's about to come. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442061 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

You're probably right - I won't be able to put a dent in it, but my wife could put Brewster to shame.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442057 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture

yeah, it's over, dump your rubbish and head for the mountains, forget society. they don't appreciate you anyway. 


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 23:15 | 3443944 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

"I wonder. When the future is as dark as you guys say, when everything is going to shit, I wonder, why should I continue to live and tho through that misery and die at the end, why not commit suicide right now and be rid of the future of misery .."


beats me.


Sat, 04/13/2013 - 22:03 | 3445743 Jake88
Jake88's picture

Sounds like a plan. Good luck with that.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:48 | 3442440 victor82
victor82's picture

Economic Uncertainty?

War will be provided! The Yellow Press is at your service!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:09 | 3441945 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

@ New England Patriot

They apparently have large deposits of rare earth metals.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:19 | 3441947 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Those Asians are war mongerers!

I just hope the United States doesn't have to again invade North Korea, again invade Japan, again invade China, again invade Vietnam, or again invade Russia. 

The shit we do to "defend" our North American homeland.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:21 | 3442010 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

"homeland security" invades your daughter's privacy legally just to get on a plane to see grandma.


All that gun right don't mean squat when you let idiots trample on all of your other rights.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:50 | 3442112 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Don't let me forget that I hope the United States doesn't have to again invade Cambodia...

...before those blood-thirsty war mongers attack us here in North America.


I especially hope that our defenses can keep those Afghani war mongers pinned down in THE LONGEST WAR IN AMERICAN HISTORY that we might finally be allowed to live in peace here in our North American homeland.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:57 | 3442192 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

"I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us. He was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember I … I … I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget.
And then I realized, like I was shot! Like I was shot with a diamond … a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God, the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men, trained cadres — these men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love — but they had the strength, the strength to do that.  If I had ten divisions of those men, then our troubles here would be over very quickly."

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:22 | 3442295 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



"We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!"

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 22:05 | 3445746 Jake88
Jake88's picture

yeah what's your point.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:41 | 3442395 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture


Colonel Walter E. Kurtz

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:56 | 3442853 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

If americans stopped whining and took arms and overthrew their warmongering dictatorship, they could use the US as a force for good in the world...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:27 | 3442981 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Then we dance the Hangman Style!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:02 | 3442220 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

A slight correction, the official start to Vietnam by Americans was 1955, which means that war lasted justed under 20 years.

Afgan is at 11.5 years now and is the second longest.

All these wars make me sick.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:38 | 3442384 Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture

Toys for tits,

Unofficially the stuff started happening in Vietnam after WW2 when we invited Chinese. But the official story is so much cleaner and short.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:18 | 3442279 Desert Irish
Desert Irish's picture


You forgot Cambodia, Lao, the Philippines and Taiwan (formerly Formusa before US backed Chaing Kai Shek turned up and wiped out a bunch of the locals)....and that's just in Asia.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:20 | 3442955 vspam
vspam's picture

No other country has invaded more countries than the US.  Obama's Asia Pivot is showing some fruit.  Nobel Peace Prize winner will usher in a new world war.  

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 08:15 | 3444275 Mark Urbo
Mark Urbo's picture

No - that comment would come from Steve in Virgina...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:08 | 3441954 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

if anything happens Potter will bring the VIX down to 6

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:00 | 3441919 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Krugman gets a little boner over this war talk. Imagine the stimulus and as a bonus a lot of the peasantry is killed off

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:10 | 3441964 HD
HD's picture

Some things should remain private. Mrs. Krugman's pet name for her husband "little boner" is none of our business.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:43 | 3442414 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

I thought Krugman referred to his house-boy has "little boner"?


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:22 | 3442008 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

Belarus next


Layoffs for 25% of Belarusian civil servants
12.04.2013 16:03

MINSK, 12 April (BelTA) – As many as a quarter of the personnel employed by government agencies and organizations in Belarus will be laid off. The move is stipulated by Belarus president decree No. 168 on measures to optimize the system of government agencies and other state-run organizations as well as the number of their personnel. President of Belarus Alexander Lukashenko signed the decree on 12 April, the press service of the Belarusian leader told BelTA.

The decree provides for reducing the number of employees of government agencies and organizations by 25% on the average, said the press service.

The decree will introduce a new structure for local executive bodies, procedures to set the number of employees for the administration of concerns, state institutions that report directly to central government agencies, public sector organizations financed by oblast, basic, and primary budgets, district and rural executive committees.

Apart from that, the Council of Ministers is expected to come up with proposals by 1 May 2013 to raise the financial security of civil servants. The Council of Ministers will also work together with the Belarus President Administration and the State Secretariat of the Security Council of the Republic of Belarus to optimize the existing network of diplomatic missions and consular in

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:27 | 3442044 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



God bless Lukashenko!

Sat, 04/13/2013 - 08:13 | 3444273 Mark Urbo
Mark Urbo's picture

That's great !  We a 50% cut here in the US - government spending is nutty out of control...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:25 | 3442027 mac768
mac768's picture

Really too bad for the souls at Roppongi, an area that features numerous bars, nightclubs, strip clubs, restaurants, hostess clubs, cabarets, and other forms of entertainment. Among the expatriate community, the area tends to be favored by business people, students, and off-duty US military personnel. Overall, the neighborhood caters to a younger crowd... so maybe Ketchup Kerry is not to be seen there.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:42 | 3442126 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

What about the 4th front at Fuk-U-shima?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:04 | 3442224 bankrun
bankrun's picture

*North Korea* nuclear *attack* misses Tokyo by a little, hits Fukushima. Tepco off the hook for clean up, and further radioactivity blamed on North Korea. US levels North Korea and establishes a stronger military presence on the boarder of China. Kim Jung-Fade never found, but presumed dead. National World News has years of covers with age progressed photos of him with JFK, Hitler, and Elvis (and maybe Tupac) living in hiding together.


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:08 | 3442243 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I see you found my copy of the script.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:41 | 3442392 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

Good copy but you forgot Jim Morrison.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:46 | 3442432 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Not to mention Christopher Donner....

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:41 | 3442757 bob_stl
bob_stl's picture

And Dennis Rodman...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:52 | 3441880 azengrcat
azengrcat's picture

So what happens when NorKo accidently nukes itself and blames the US?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:08 | 3441946 TuesdayBen
TuesdayBen's picture

Obama then passes the blame to Dubya.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:47 | 3442146 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Yeah - why didn't GW take out the Norks when he had the chance?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:14 | 3441950 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

Why would the Chinese be massing troops on the border with North makes no sense.  Unless the real target is China and North Korea is being used as an excuse for bringing into the region missle systems and whatever else.  I personally think the region is being armed up for the Chinese aand maybe even the Russians.  Can't let the BRICS get off the petrodollar it would collapse the western world.

Maybe North Korean would even help with China and Russian for a couple boatloads of food and fuel.

Come on Kim Jung Un well throw in front row season tickets to the Lakers!


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 16:44 | 3442775 bob_stl
bob_stl's picture

"Why would the Chinese be massing troops on the border with North makes no sense."


To keep out the refugees.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:36 | 3442100 dobermangang
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:14 | 3442266 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I support their cause with both the titties I say!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:35 | 3443011 Matt
Matt's picture

Ignore the caption for #15, should read "topless chick uppercuts old douche".

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:39 | 3442107 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Silly peasant, there ARE NO accidents in history. If it happens, you can bet someone planned it.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:58 | 3442201 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

There are no accidents in politics


~ Theodore Parker~

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 23:04 | 3443925 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

"... there is only some purpose that we haven't yet understood."

-- D. Chopra

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:00 | 3442203 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

So what happens when NorKo accidently nukes itself and blames the US?

The market ends green, what else?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:51 | 3441882 Jason T
Jason T's picture

this could get nuts to say the least..

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:02 | 3441901 blabam
blabam's picture

Meanwhile in Japan...


"As recently an extreme japanese organization in Osaka mentioned during a protest to rape any Korean women in Japan, a Japanese middle-school girl does something shocking at a subway station in Tsruhashi."

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:18 | 3441994 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

talking about it while wearing short skirt and actually doing are totally different things.



Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:56 | 3443073 Matt
Matt's picture

Who knows, maybe she has a shot at being the leader of a right-wing nationalist extremist party. She already has the angry yelling part down.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:51 | 3441883 SK8boarder
SK8boarder's picture

Talk about juggling chainsaws...  

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:53 | 3441884 Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

Don't forget the fourth front, eating away like a cancer from the inside:

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:59 | 3441921 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Lil' Kim's target?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:54 | 3441887 Jason T
Jason T's picture

N. Korea is like the Snake in Aesops fable..



A Wasp settled on the head of a Snake, and not only stung him several times, but clung obstinately to the head of his victim. Maddened with pain the Snake tried every means he could think of to get rid of the creature, but without success. At last he became desperate, and crying, "Kill you I will, even at the cost of my own life," he laid his head with the Wasp on it under the wheel of a passing waggon, and they both perished together."

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:11 | 3442256 freeasabee1
freeasabee1's picture

MAD only works if no one goes mad, know what I mean.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:27 | 3442317 akak
akak's picture

Now, if we could only figure out some way to make wasps selectively target bankers and politicians ....

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:52 | 3441888 Burt Gummer
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:56 | 3441897 Jeremy Roenick
Jeremy Roenick's picture

I'm turning Japanese, I really think so...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:55 | 3441893 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

I stand by my prediction that any missile launched by NK ends up in Shanghai's water supply.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:24 | 3442021 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Three rivers dam.

      Murphy's Law.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:10 | 3442251 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

No wonder they are building ghost cities.  Mass migrations.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:50 | 3442438 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

If it did end up there who would know the difference?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:58 | 3443077 Matt
Matt's picture

The water would suddenly become alot clearer.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 13:58 | 3441912 MILESCFA
MILESCFA's picture

"Though there is a silver lining, since if a broken window creates a Keynesian utopia, just think of the GDP-boosting greatness of a nuclear explosion in the heart of Roppongi."


You're sick... LOL

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:00 | 3441918 dobermangang
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:54 | 3442167 Spastica Rex
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:02 | 3441923 Bryan
Bryan's picture

LOL -- "if Kim Jong Un decides to launch a missile,..." then we will just... just.... ooooh... that will just make us MAD.  Kerry, what a clown.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:40 | 3442111 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Just wait until he climbs back into his swiftboat with Jane Fonda by his side.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:50 | 3442452 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

The ketchup is gonna flow, baby.  Big time!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:03 | 3441932 Smiley
Smiley's picture

Look out, we might even have the UN send a stongly worded letter!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:05 | 3441935 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Therein lies the beauty of nuclear weapons.(lack of accuracy)   John [Herman Munster] Kerry would be laughable if there weren't so much at stake.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:05 | 3441937 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

That  Dept of intelligence report  reminds me of the "WMD" report .. we believe with moderate certainty, that N Korea now has the capability  of puting a nuclear warheard on a ballistic missile....      



Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:30 | 3442054 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Very convenient timing, if you ask me. Obama wants to look warlike - supposedly good for poll numbers - and the Chinese tell him to attack N. Korea if N. Korea vaporizes Tokyo. With Tokyo gone the Japanese will not be able to retain their control of the Senkaku islands. China wins. Obama wins. If Kerry is in Tokyo at the time, he doesn't win but maybe Teresa does.

I'd wonder alound if I've lost touch with reality, but then DHS wouldn't allow me to buy any guns because I suffer from anxiety or some such thing. As if they didn't cause it. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:09 | 3441952 grgy
grgy's picture

There will be no nuclear missiles leaving North Korea.  What a total distraction.  The global financial melt down is real however.  The US could very easily start something foolish beyond John Kerry's rhetoric.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:43 | 3442121 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Foolish? I think that not only is WWIII serious business, but it's inevitable.

Otherwise, banksters will have to face the music someday. They'll destroy every last musical instrument before they'll allow that to happen.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:10 | 3441963 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

This whole thing probably started with North Korea trying to test the new regime in both South Korea and China. In the past the threats resulted in boat load of foreign aid for the North. However things seems to getting a little out of control for the North. If their heightened threat results in zero foreign aid, and possibly rebuke from China, it is possible it might cause some dissent among the ranks. Could this possibly lead to a coup in the North? It seem more and more likely, one way or another, Kim Jong Un won't repeat the longevity of his predecessors.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:22 | 3442016 css1971
css1971's picture

I'm pretty sure all this bullshit from NK is an attempt to forestall a coup.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:32 | 3442073 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Even assuming Un and his supporters could be removed without incident, what would happen next? Would China allow reunification of North and South Korea? Would the south even want to merge with the north? Consider the difficulties merging the Germanies. 

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:45 | 3442139 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Given that this shit is ALL fake (read: contrived), your questions are meaningless.

It's kind of like arguing over who the "best" professional wrestler is, when everyone knows it is merely a show provided for our entertainment.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:18 | 3441969 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

They sure are jinning up the war rhetoric. I'ts almost as if TPTB need some sort of distraction.


The thought of Kerry weighing in on an intelligence report almost made me fall out of my seat laughing.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:25 | 3442026 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

They stiched up a deal re Syria & N korea at the G8


Ruskies ( now theres a word from the the COLD war)  had already agreed a few months ago that Bashar is History... now they have a new agreement... 


West plays bad cop, russia plays good cop, invites them to nuclear disarmament talks...   China is Silent so Lil' Un doesnt know which way to turn.. are they playing him, are they not?


The Plan:  when Lil' Un very unsure about next move, China pulls the rug re oil, food, he has to come to heel completely or send one off... US plan: stop as much of the ensuing artillery rain into Seoul, take out as many ground/missiles, China moves in on ground  and Lil Un game over


Russia gets the exploration rights.............. in return for staying ALL the way out of Syria


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 17:29 | 3442993 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Russia doesn't need exploration rights on the Korean peninsula, they have a fuck-ton of beachfront property in the neighborhood, not so much on the Syria side though...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:07 | 3442241 NYMom
NYMom's picture

" I have a plan..." It is beyond comprehension that Kerry is Secretary of State.

"I have a plan" is a common line from John Kerry. Anybody can formulate a plan of action. The trick is getting that plan to work. To do so, a president will have to win over congress to get what they want achieved. Despite his statement to the contrary, records indicate John Kerry has written only 5 bills that actually were signed into law over a 20 year Senate career. That is an average of 1 bill every 4 years. His ability to win over his colleagues in congress is questionable at best. ". By Joseph Boudreau
Oct. 15, 2004

NYMom is just thrilled to have a skilled, tactitician at the helm to diffuse the possibility of global nuclear annihilation. Pheeew!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:12 | 3441970 TumblingDice
TumblingDice's picture

Just leave Roppongi out of this damnit!

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:14 | 3441977 SoNH80
SoNH80's picture

Would this Korean War have a laugh track and cuddly characters like "Radar" O'Reilly, "Hot Lips" Houlihan, "Hawkeye" Pierce and Lt. Col. Henry Blake in starring roles?

Where's Jimmy Carter?  Is his "Free Residual Oil and Hot Wings Special" plane warming up on the tarmac yet?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:15 | 3441982 HD
HD's picture

If North Korea was actually going to do this - they would get the biggest bang for the buck as an EMP attack.

If properly executed an EMP attack would damage a large area, cost a fortune to recover from, kill no one and would not does require pin-point accuracy.


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:38 | 3442105 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Americans would never know what hit them if NoKo caused an EMP that knocked out the Internet. Obama would declare martial law instantly and ban all forms of opposition, and without the internet average Americans would be clueless and defenseless. Freedom would be gone before anyone knew it.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:45 | 3442138 HD
HD's picture

"without the internet average Americans would be clueless and defenseless."

 Hard to argue against that.  Of course, clueless and defenseless isn't too far from where most people are right now anyway.


Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:14 | 3442265 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You mean if NoKo was blamed for an EMP.

Which, unless he was directly handed a device by some intel agency, is about as plausible as some Saudi guy in a cave carrying out 9/11 by having the military stand-down as the plane headed to the Pentagon.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:45 | 3443385 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

Could always blame it on a solar flare or meteor...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:18 | 3441987 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Am I the ony one that views "hitting Tokyo" as redundant after the Fukushima?

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:19 | 3441991 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

If you are going to attack don't fucking tell them nuclear war is unavoidable and you're goint just fucking strike. This is a bunch of hype to get the sheeple in line.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:34 | 3442081 blabam
blabam's picture

"Mr. Dascombe, what we need is a clear message to the people of the country! This message should be read in every newspaper, heard on every radio, seen on every television. This message must resound throughout the ENTIRE INTERLINK! I want this country to realize that we stand on the edge of oblivion! I want every man, woman, and child to understand how close we are to chaos! I WANT EVERYONE to remember WHY THEY NEED US!"

Comes to mind.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:02 | 3442222 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

North Korea might know that we expect them to behave that way and they're just "messing" with us.

A CLEVER nation...

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:21 | 3442002 Cheeseus Sonofdog
Cheeseus Sonofdog's picture

In the end who gets Japan? It seems they will lose their sovereignty using their own financial bombs. I'm guessing they become a territory of the United States.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 19:44 | 3443356 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

Never mind....

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:22 | 3442007 css1971
css1971's picture

I'm not sure fighting North Korea will be describable as as "war".

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:23 | 3442015 spinone
spinone's picture

We already bombed them twice.  Get original, Kim Jung Whatever

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:23 | 3442023 Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture

The problem is what is Japan / US to do. If NK launches any kind of missile towards Japan, do  you wait or do you shoot it down.

I you don't do anything than it would be seen by NK as weakness.

In my former life I was a satellite engineer, mostly payload (all US military). If you launch 100 rockets and 85 of them reach an orbit than your

are very successful  (engineering / mathematically speaking). It was calculated (a priori) that 1 of 34th shuttle would explode. Experience shown that to

be an accurate estimate.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 14:31 | 3442058 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Heaven forbid N Korea considers a conventional attack on Fukushima. Who needs a nuclear tipped missile.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:17 | 3442270 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You could finish off Fukushima with a trebuchet at this point.

Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:33 | 3442350 ptoemmes
Fri, 04/12/2013 - 15:44 | 3442412 Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture


I gave you an up arrow for knowing what trebuchet is.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!