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India's Response To The Gold Sell Off: A Massive Buying Frenzy

Tyler Durden's picture


Panic, depression, rage, suicidal ideations: watching the US mainstream media, one would think that these are the prevailing sentiments among those who unlike the prevailing "developed world" speculative class, are invested most heavily in physical old - Indians, who collectively comprise the largest end-demand consumer segment for gold products. One would be very wrong.

Because while apparently it is incomprehensible to the "sophisticated" financial crowd in the US that someone may have conviction in their beliefs, and not just lunge from extreme to another, merely riding momentum and technicals like so many "professional" investors, Indians are doing precisely what a buyer should do when the price of the desired product plunges: doubling down, literally.

Bloomberg reports of the immediate aftermath to the past few days' gold plunge: "Gold buyers in India, the world’s biggest consumer, are flocking to stores to buy jewelry and coins, betting a selloff that plunged bullion to a two-year low may be overdone." Wait, so instead of jumping out off high buildings, Indians are being cool, calm and collected and... buying more? Unpossible. Do they not get CNBC in Mumbai? Apparently not: "My daughter is just six months old, but I think it is never too early to buy gold,” said Sharmila Shirodkar, a 28- year-old housewife, while displaying a new pair of earrings she bought from a store in Mumbai’s Zaveri Bazaar. “I had been asking my husband every day if prices will go down more. I couldn’t wait anymore.”

Indeed - the buying frenzy in India has been unleashed:

While the drop in gold prompted investors worldwide to pare holdings in exchange-traded products, surging physical demand in India may help stem the 17 percent slide in prices this year. The plunge after rallying for 12 straight years may make bullion more affordable to Indians, according to Mehul Choksi, chief executive officer of Gitanjali Gems Ltd. (GITG), the nation’s biggest retailer of jewelry and diamonds by sales.


This is a perfect time to buy as prices will only go up from here,” said Vishal Mehta, a 33-year-old garment dealer, while ordering coins from Choksi V. Naginchand & Co. in Zaveri Bazaar. “I usually buy one gold coin a month, but this time I am buying two.”

Hence the true value of the word "double down". Here is another word US "investors" can learn from the Indians - value.

“It has been very hectic in the last two days,” said Deepak Tulsiani, owner of Dwarkadas Chandumal Jewellers in Mumbai as he surveyed his 11 employees, who were busy with customers. “There has been a rush to buy gold because now people are getting jewelry 15 percent cheaper than before. It’s value for their money.”


Zaveri Bazaar, the largest bullion market in the country, buzzed with customers, who were browsing through collections of bangles, bracelets, necklaces and rings displayed in trays ahead of the wedding and festival seasons. Most buyers were women in groups of two or more, accompanied by a male who paid the bills.


Whatever be the price, Indians buy gold because it is an age-old tradition,” C.P. Krishnan, a director at Geojit Comtrade Ltd., said by phone from Kochi. “It has become an unavoidable expense during weddings and festivals. With the sudden crash in prices a lot of buying is happening across India as people are thinking of it as a golden opportunity.”

Yes: tradition! That's what the Chairman said too. And the chairman is never wrong. Even when he is selling the synthetic paper representation of that tradition and in the process allowing all those who trade on "value" and not "moment" to average down in terms of infinitely dilutible fiat paper.

Back to India:

“Some customers are still scared to buy now as they feel the price will go down more,” Chetan Ranka, owner of Choksi V. Naginchand, said after answering a call from a prospective customer on one of the four phones at his desk. “I have received more than 250 calls on Monday inquiring about the prices. Normally I get maybe 50 calls a day.”

The lower gold drops, the more people will buy.

“I had been keeping a tab on gold prices daily by reading the newspapers,” Sakshi Jain, a 39-year-old housewife, said as she held an intricately designed necklace against her neck in front of a mirror in Zaveri Bazaar. “I had some wedding purchases to make and as soon as prices dropped I came to buy.”

And the rub: once the correction is over, and prices resume their inexorable rising, the double down will become a buying frenzy, as everyone will realize one simple thing. Just because the BLS says inflation is has not arrived, it merely means the central banks, who are laboring under some $40-50 trillion in excess debt, will have no choice but to also double down. And one of these days not even the BLS' best efforts at fudging reality will fail.

Incidentally, they are already are. As the MIT's Billion Prices Project shows, there is just a slight disconnect between reality and what is being spoonfed.

Finally, for some actual numbers, we go to Bank of America which has calculated that the disconnect between the paper selloff and physical buying spree can only last so long before gold shoots right back up to $2000 as the surge in buying overwhelms the paper selling.

With prices now below $1,500/oz, we expect a pick-up in jewellery demand in the medium term and see considerable pain for miners should prices dip below $1,200/oz. As such, we believe the downside to gold prices may be limited to an additional $150/oz. In fact, we estimate that jewellery demand may become so pronounced by 2016 that prices could trade above $1,500/oz even if investors remain net sellers. Looking at sensitivities from a different angle, investors would need to buy merely 600t of gold to sustain prices at $2,000/oz by 2016, compared to non-commercial purchases of 1,798t in 2012.

And some more thoughts from BofA:

Cyprus’ announcement to sell nearly 14t of gold reserves was a key trigger behind the recent collapse in gold prices, as it raised concerns that other peripheral nations may follow suit. Given our estimate that every $45/oz represents a net sale of 100t, the move over the last two days would suggest net sales of 480t, or about 20% of yearly mine supply. In short, the market seems to have discounted the combined future gold sales of Portugal and Greece. As we believe additional gold selling in the European periphery is highly unlikely, we find it hard to fully justify the sell-off.

So please go ahead and sell. All we can say is, well, thanks.


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Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:35 | 3459243 howenlink
howenlink's picture

My bank has newly designed procedures to deal with a day like today.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:45 | 3459270 Northern Lights
Northern Lights's picture

When ever I pull out $1600 to buy some gold, the teller's would always ask me 50 questions as to why and where I was spending it.  I'm wondering what would happen if I were to pull out $1500 tomorrow and tell them to there face in a rather loud but not obnoxious voice that I was going to turn around and buy gold bullion with the money.


Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:52 | 3459287 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Next time say:  fuck you, it's none of your business!

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:12 | 3459371 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

My standard response:

Hookers and blow.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:39 | 3459471 markmotive
markmotive's picture

UBS says the selloff was excessive

Many arguing this is a good buying opportunity.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:17 | 3459507 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Unpossible  :-) .. barbaric..

buying PMs and killing fiat...

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:18 | 3459576 BC6
BC6's picture

God bless the Guptas and tradition.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:50 | 3459838 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Last year, 60 Minutes did a story on the Indian love affair with gold.  It is very enlightening.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:23 | 3459855 zhandax
zhandax's picture

Ideal response to nosy banker questions; "It is for shiny presents".  The women (PC favorite for temp bank branch manager positions) love this.  Always play to your audience.  (Who knows, maybe the grey makes it sound more sincere).

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:51 | 3459874 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

I got 9 today, and it's not only India: here come the Japanese gold bulls  -->

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:54 | 3459922 WhiteNight123129
WhiteNight123129's picture

Yup, Gold is not a "trade". People of the world unite.


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:26 | 3459949 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Keep on stacking. It's nothing more than "Dollar Cost Averaging".  Like the Financial Advisor Frauds say when buying into, say, a 401K, LOL!

Be careful when out on the boat ;-)

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:28 | 3459951 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



There's about 2 ounces of gold for everyone on the planet.


You got more than're doing good.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:31 | 3460021 new game
new game's picture

world cost averaging


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:52 | 3459920 WhiteNight123129
WhiteNight123129's picture

Next time you cross a person from Indian origin in the street salute this person.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:50 | 3459712 putaipan
putaipan's picture

if i was a .... swami.       ya da dee dah dah ye da dah!

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:34 | 3459765 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

It was a good 'order' opportunity, given the lack of supply and the Indians swamping my PM shop all day.

My family's LLC cut the check for the order; for its own private hedge fund. With said assets stored privately and securely... Company policy, of course. :-)

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:28 | 3460014 Doña K
Doña K's picture

I am in South Africa at the moment and the largest dealer SAgoldcoin is out of bullion Kruggerands. The middle East community and the elite here have been buying with fury. I was also told by the dealer that if the mining talks breakdown, they may not have access to too many bullion Kruggerands. They charge 8% commission BTW

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:43 | 3459480 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

A couple of articles ago (this weekend/ Mondayish) I asked, "What do One Point Two BILLION Indians think" of the recent 'correction'.

Here we can see the insignificance, in aallllll it's graphic glory.

Buy. Yo.

Hookers and Blow for the weak.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:28 | 3459954 thewhitelion
thewhitelion's picture

90% for hookers and blow.  Then I'll just waste the rest.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:53 | 3459294 dr.charlemagne
dr.charlemagne's picture

tell them you are going to put it in your mattress....grandpa was wrong about banks

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:50 | 3459714 putaipan
putaipan's picture

baba was a rollin' stack- where ever he laid his hat was his matress.....

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:25 | 3459766 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Tell them you are going to send it to Cyprus because they now hand out a free passport with every bank account.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:55 | 3459297 YC2
YC2's picture

Um, the teller ask you what you're going to buy? If that's true it's completely unprofessional and none of their business. Its so much so that I don't believe the story, to be honest.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:59 | 3459317 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

anyone notice how "friendly" your local bank tellers have become?  Wanting to know how your day is going?  Wanting to know if you have plans for the weekend?  To the point of annoyance, but I'm too polite to say mind your fucking business.

and I'm sure they could really give a shit anyway

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:57 | 3459722 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

I attest to that. although, if they got a nice pair I strike up a conversation to prolong my enjoyment.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:02 | 3459732 Lore
Lore's picture

+ 50

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:27 | 3459864 Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

I've just noticed their cleavage showing more and more with every banking crisis...I don't complain.  I just withdraw more frequently.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:01 | 3459886 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

1. Find the freakest church/belief system in 1000 miles; make fake business card

2. Get the full regalia, you are now an archbishop or devil worshipper (what's the difference?)

3. For every question, you ask, kinda whispering, two or three back:  "you look like you haven't been sleeping well"; "hearing voices?"; "ever thought that salvation could be whitin your grasp?"; "thoughts of suicide?"; etc.  "Let's have a session." 


They will never bother you again.  Under any circumstance.  

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:41 | 3459964 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Yep when asked, I'm going pull out a business card with "Thetan 9, Church of Scientology". This, along with my dapper suit and tinfoil hat should at least put them off their canned script routine.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:26 | 3459767 Dr. Eldon Tyrell
Dr. Eldon Tyrell's picture


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:43 | 3459832 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

THey are like coffee shop clerks now.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:56 | 3459924 Henry Hub
Henry Hub's picture

I have to say I haven't talked to a bank teller in years. I do everything with Internet banking or ATMs. Have to say I do miss the cleavage now the you mention it.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:06 | 3459341 pan
pan's picture

It's happened to me on more than one occaision, and yes it is not professional.  Today at the drive through the clerk chick wanted to know why I had not opened a savings account with them yet.  Just keep a minimum amount of cash in the bank at all times.


Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:11 | 3459368 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

I send the withdrawal slip in-tell them i want it banded in $20s and they send it out-you guys need to switch banks.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:27 | 3459426 Midas
Midas's picture

I go to the tellers for $20 at a time and increase the number of visits because all the girls are stacked. 


-nuff said.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:32 | 3459451 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

take out bigger amounts and you'll see those titties in the raw.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:53 | 3459648 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

It's not the size of the position, it's the duration.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:58 | 3459731 putaipan
putaipan's picture

on that note.... i bank at  "       -        ",  the kind ladies there showed me how to bounce a check in the winter (as opposed to two or three overdrafts)  kind of their version of a "pay day loan".  they were most helpful.  that was last winter. doing much better this year thanks to y'all. mellly clickamaka 2013 ! by the graces of good people everywhere, and there are, we will ALL get buy. sell ammo-get dead. need i go on?

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:20 | 3459858 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

Mmmm.   Titties . . . . .

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:28 | 3460015 draug
draug's picture

I can only speak from a scandinavian perspective here, but I personally haven't visited a bank in years. The bank I currently use doesn't even have tellers, just the website. I am really surprised you guys have to put up with all that crap just to withdraw some money. Bet you most of it is really sales tactics to foist insurance and other "products" on you while you're there.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:19 | 3459399 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture

The government makes them ask those questions. They want to know if you're going to funnel money to terrorist. -God's honest truth.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:21 | 3459407 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

you guys are fucking crazy.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:42 | 3459481 El Tuco
El Tuco's picture

It's true. They are suppose to report any thing they feel suspicious about their customers and their banking transactions. It only takes one bitch with a grade 10 edjumacation to say something and you have them breathing down your neck......


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:10 | 3459808 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Those ass-clowns don't even know what they are supposed to be looking for, much less how even fill out a SAR.

There are basically only two potential uses for a cash withdrawal (as opposed to a deposit) which would require the filing a SAR-

1) if the customer responded - I'm bribing my pet congress critter who needs the cash for his Bank of Maytag (group sex with underage Dominican hookers is actually kind of iffy since the customer could be spending the cash for his own "benefit")


2) if the customer responded - I'm giving the money to a specifically designated national (an Arab saying I'm giving the cash to my buddy Osama actually wouldn't pass the test, but could justify further inquiry since there are some guys named Osama listed on the SDN list, however, since every SDN named Osama is supposedly dead, a referral for psychological evaluation, as opposed to FINCEN/OFAC, would make more sense, even though a CYA SAR filing might be in order)

"Suspicious" isn't some term meaning anything some dumb retard thinks it means.  These people to be given trips to a gas chamber or the Women's Medical Society in Phily, not given paychecks, if they can't figure this out. 


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:31 | 3459953 Fred C Dobbs
Fred C Dobbs's picture

Great idea Urban Redneck.  Let's tell everyone to answer the same, "I'm going to bribe my congressman and senator, just like the owners of this bank does".

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:55 | 3459972 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



That crap really does work.....and it's pretty cost effective.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:15 | 3459998 Flagit
Flagit's picture

some dumb retard

A double negative occurs when two forms of negation are used in the same sentence. For example, "I don't need no dog food." That is a double negative. Multiple negation is the more general term referring to the occurrence of more than one negative in a clause.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 09:04 | 3460282 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

If you want to be a Grammar Nazi, then be a Grammar Nazi, but at least get it right...

That is NOT a double negative.

Hint: What is difference between a short midget and a tall midget? 

Tue, 04/30/2013 - 01:08 | 3512830 Flagit
Flagit's picture

ya vol.

what is difference....

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:44 | 3459870 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

They hire sadists as tellers who just want to know how much you enjoy getting 0.01% interest on yoru hard-earned money. Their intention is not to be nice, simply sadistic. I can hear them now:


"Good morning, Mr Bastard. Are you enjoying your day....going to check your 'High Yield' account see if you can afford going to the Dollar Store for another can of radiation saturated sardines?"

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:41 | 3459631 Northern Lights
Northern Lights's picture

I get this question asked a lot to.  Mostly when I go in to make a contribution from my regular savings account over to my Tax Free Savings Account (Canada).  Me, I simply want to be in and out, but is it ever that easy???? NO WAY!!!!! First they burrow into my finances, then they ask me if I'm going to buy a house/car, then they ask me what do I plan with doing all that MONEY I have saved up?  Am I married, do I have kids, do you want to encumber (sarc) your money into one of their investment programs to get that extra 1% more interest on top of what I'm already getting.  Before you know it, I've been in their office for half an hour to do a transfer that shouldn't have taken more than 5 minutes.  Problem is, for a TFSA you need to do it in person.  No internet banking or using the bank machine.  Gawd!!!!

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:53 | 3459650 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:00 | 3459733 putaipan
putaipan's picture

there's three posts for bitcoin. and i haven't checked lately...but 78$ is pretty stable...given all and all.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:06 | 3459894 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

no questions asked is but one of bitcoin strong points

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:15 | 3459681 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Be apologetic and tell them that a contractor at your house working on your _______ won't accept a check or has offered a discount if you pay him in cash.  Couple that with an odd value withdrawal (like 2,731.50 or something) and they won't question you.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:06 | 3459737 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Then you can funnel it to terrorists with impunity.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:58 | 3459707 Lore
Lore's picture

If your TFSA account is set up at the bank's online discount brokerage division, then you should be able to do it online with a few keystrokes. 

NOTE FOR CANADIANS: If you want to save your beneficiaries from someday having to pay a bundle in Probate, then go with them to your bank and fill out and sign a Joint Title With Right Of Survivorship (JTWROS) form for each account, and insist on a copy for the file where you keep your Will. 

I agree that tellers are getting more nosy.  Whatever they ask, remember the answer from your friends at ZH:  "Hookers and blow." Going shopping?  "Hookers and blow." Going out this weekend?  "Hookers and blow."

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 04:45 | 3459872 auric1234
auric1234's picture

If you want to be cruel, tell them their risk premium is too low for you to open a savings account.


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:47 | 3459637 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

Happened to me when I was making a withdrawal at a branch on the way to buy a boat. She asked me as if we grew up together or some shit.  It was weird.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:01 | 3459734 putaipan
putaipan's picture

did ya' boink her?

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:06 | 3459739 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

The logical next question.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 09:03 | 3460275 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

Drive thru teller.  I just flashed my nutsack and was on my way.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:47 | 3459835 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

Next will be: What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 10:06 | 3460586 Squiddly Diddly
Squiddly Diddly's picture

Tell them your a Colombian Narco launderer and Eric Holder said you are exempt from investigation due to potential financial system collapse.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:01 | 3459324 RobD
RobD's picture

According to my neighbor who is a credit union manager it is a fed law(maybe regulation) that they have to ask you what the large withdrawal is for. If you are evasive they have to fill out a form and send it in. Just tell them it is for gold and its cool, if you tell them it's none of there business you would be wrong.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:08 | 3459349 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

no they fucking don't. they have to fill out a SARS for $10k+ transactions but they still can't ask you what you plan to do with it. I did a $400k transfer for my house and nobody said shit.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:23 | 3459409 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture

Yes, they are required to ask. I got huffy a few times about it. They start asking questions around $1000 - $1500 if you take out cash.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:30 | 3459444 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

huffy over a grand?

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:40 | 3459477 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture

No. I've been asked when taking out 3-5K. When I ask them why they are asking me, they say it's Federal law and that they are required to ask at something like 1-1.5K. Maybe I'm just on a terrorist watch list, so they keep tabs on me. I don't fucking know, but it's what I've been told. It's happen to me at 3 different banks.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:14 | 3459554 CClarity
CClarity's picture

The real Q is at $5 mil and wire transfers for individuals (not corporations, but don't forget, they're people now and they can vote) .  That's where required reporting comes in.

But . . . with capital controls around the corner, maybe they're just "in training" on the Qs of $1-2K.  Having lived in a socialist Eastern European country back in the day, when capital controls are imposed, everybody, I mean everybody, gets to ask.  At the bank, on the train, walking down the street . . . 

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:44 | 3459489 Croesus
Croesus's picture

@ Otto Skorzeny:

I can vouch for that. It happened to me last week, and the withdrawal amount was only 2K. "Are you buying something big?" was the question the teller asked. "Not really" was the reply she got. I don't care if she did report it, because as someone else here said, it's none of their fucking business anyway.

I have heard that the reporting requirements were lowered to include cash withdrawals in any amount in excess of $3,500, but I don't have a citation for you.




Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:00 | 3459530 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

here's a little tip-get 2 atm cards-1 in your name and1 in your wife's and you double the amount you can get at the atm in a day.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 08:04 | 3460092 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I had no problems withdrawing thousands from an ATM until the limit (maybe $2k).  Then going back the next day and repeating.  No tellers needed. 

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:32 | 3459447 Mordenkainen
Mordenkainen's picture

I regularly withdraw $5G at a time and never was asked a single question.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:34 | 3459453 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:12 | 3459555 seek
seek's picture

The key is "regularly." I've been asked questions sporadically, but I pull 5K/month or more at regular intervals, early on I was asked why, and I just say entertainment (which is partially true.) I'll mention going to a high-end restaurant in conversation occasionally as well; once a pattern is established, you're pretty much off the radar.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:27 | 3459605 GOLD AND SILVER...


Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:27 | 3459424 RobD
RobD's picture

Lighten up Otto, just relaying what the guy told me. He is a good dude as far as bankers go and has no reason to lie to me.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:29 | 3459437 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

maybe so- but i've been bleeding my bank dry and all I hear is "Hello" and "Thanks-have a nice day"

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:55 | 3459523 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Mostly me too. But I have encountered bureaucratic types a couple of times who seemed to be under the mistaken impression that her (it's always a woman who seems to have escaped from working for the DMV) menial position of cashier gave her power, as if giving me my own fucking money was a tiresome favour that had to be preceded with questions a North Korean immigration official would blush to ask. 

I always avoid the affirmative action ladies if I can possibly help it. If you're polite,  then it's condescension.  If you're businesslike,  then you're a rude bigot. I just avoid them altogether. 

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:03 | 3459535 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

dats raciss- but I also adhere to the "avoid black women" credo

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:20 | 3459583 CClarity
CClarity's picture

I just think DMV is so close to DMZ that I can't get that aspirational visual out of my head.  From the Dept of Motor Vehicles to the DeMilatarized Zone. And I suppose it begs the Q of what would the DMW, DMX and DMY be?

A Deutche BMW instead of Bavarian for DMW?

DMX sounds like a cool bike track or an ETF

DMY . . . do me Y?


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:40 | 3459625 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

BMW is German for "massive douchenozzle"

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:33 | 3459825 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

In Germany...
BMW says: I'm a Striver and successful.
Mercedes says: I no longer need to strive, and am successful.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 08:02 | 3460083 css1971
css1971's picture

In Germany, Mercedes says "I'm a taxi".

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:44 | 3459633 steve from virginia
steve from virginia's picture




When you deposit money in a bank it isn't your money any more, it is property of the bank, a 'liability' to them.


When you ask for money it is the bank lending it to you. Even cashing a check is you borrowing from the bank the settlement is made at the end of the business day.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:31 | 3459611 Northern Lights
Northern Lights's picture

YES, it is always the women that ask me the 50 questions about my cash withdrawals.

Problem is, it's mainly only women that work the teller booths at the bank I make my withdrawals from.

Back in 2006 I got a bank draft to pay for my Rolex.  First thing the broad at the counter asks me is "Who's the watch for?"

It's for me you dumb bimbo!!!!

Women always think about the "sisterhood".  It's almost like how dare I actually spend the money on myself! I should only be spending on a female parasite!




Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:11 | 3459746 Lore
Lore's picture

If it's always the same female parasite, she must be mesmorized by your magnetic male charisma. It's the burden we carry.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:27 | 3459908 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

could you please change your avatar?  It would make the world a better place, you know it...

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:32 | 3459448 fasTTcar
fasTTcar's picture

Anything deemed a "suspicious" transaction, regardless of amount has to be reported under (significant) penalty of law.

Patriot Act regulations (or Fintrac in Canada) require it.  No bank teller is going take the Feds wrath because you want to be a smart ass.


Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:36 | 3459460 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

fuck 'em-they can rat me out to whoever they want to. because when the shit goes down and you get Cyprus-ed w/ your account those assholes at the bank will not give a shit about you.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:52 | 3459511 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

"No bank teller is going take the Feds wrath because you want to be a smart ass."

You remind of the guy on CNBC who after the Boston incident said he would be OK with a cavity search.. if it would help catch the bad guys... Jeez! have some dignity.  Tell them to go fck themselves and have a nice day.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:46 | 3459632 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

I have a feeling that guy gets many cavity searches in the course of a day-and not from DHS- more like from some guy named Todd sipping a mojito.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:08 | 3459741 putaipan
putaipan's picture

but do i get a free 'pressure cooker" with that?

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:08 | 3459742 putaipan
putaipan's picture

spiderman towel?

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:29 | 3459822 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

No - is not ANYTHING it is SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY -  they even have convenient check-boxes for the quota monkeys so they don't have to look up what suspicious means (legally)...

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:16 | 3459901 Scarlett
Scarlett's picture

this is the entire point; let's all be suspicious, evoke Ron Paul's wrath unto them; and change this mentality

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:42 | 3459965 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

You're missing the entire point.

People who post on ZH should not demonstrate the negligence required to be a bank employee.  Moreover, I can count on ONE HAND the number of circumstances where THE INTERESTS OF BANK MANAGEMENT and the interests of BANK DEPOSITORS are THE SAME.  This is one of them.

The 5'2" 300lb McFatty who takes 30 minutes to execute withdrawal that should take 2 minutes, and every bank customer detests being serviced by (or screwed buy) is the exact same  5'2" 300lb McFatty that their boss would love to fire, because after they get done wasting wasting an extra 28 minutes on a single transaction, instead of completing 15 transactions, that same McFatty then wastes another 30 minutes needlessly filling out a SAR (usually right before lunch/closing time or right after lunch)...  

The law sucks- and its primary benefit (in practice) is keeping useless eaters employed the bank and bank customers frustrated by slower and more incompetent service.  


CTRs and SARs are not the same thing, it's frankly none of the government's business with either one, and even without factoring in inflation- the thresholds are more of a nuissance than a tool- but CTRs are not ever going away- SARs could be done away with if the public speaks up loudly and intelligently and the cost to the banking industries' lobbyists is less than they stand to gain by their revocation...

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:10 | 3459550 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

You did a transfer.  That doesn't count.  The alarm bells ring when cash is drawn.

By law they have to ask when you hit over $9,999.  But banks have their own little policies designed to make cash withdrawals a pain in the ass.  Some go as low as $1,000, most are at the $5,000 point.

They have the same requirements for cash deposits.  I've said this before, but am happy to repeat my story since I'm old and tend to do that.

I use a smallish local bank connected to China.  In my professional capacity the business uses the same bank and I've become a 'known cretin'.  I no longer have to go through the questionairre over large cash deposits.  But there was a time, and every once in a while with a new kid, that I had to answer the questions.  I made up answers.  Cash came from my mythical porno work, my latest reverse bank robbery, selling a bunch of pigs for a luau honoring Osama Bin Ladin, slowly spelling out 'N-O-N-E-O-F-Y-O-U-R-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S' for a few.  Occupation questions were answered, Superhero, Batman, Gay Porn Fluffer, Crooked Secret Service Agent, International Arms Dealer, Mexican Drug Mule, and anything else I could come up with.

It got to the point where the girls were so tickled with the game they started making suggestions.

I've never had a visit from any of the federales that supposedly monitor this bullshit.  Would be delighted to meet them.  Nothing says that any answers have to be honest.

Works the same for withdrawals.  Banks hate large surprise withdrawals.  Cash is their inventory and it's kind of like buying all the donuts first thing in the morning.  No one planned to have all the donuts gone first thing on opening and no body else gets a donut that day.  I always call three days ahead and let them know that I'll be making $x withdrawal and will be there around 10am to pick it up.  They can expect me, have the cash available, and usually pull me into a private office to do the transaction.

On my own bank account I've made it very clear that I don't trust a bank.  The only money I leave with them is what I'll use for immediate on-line utility payments.  Everything else goes into grandma's safe.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:50 | 3459644 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

I've never had issues with cash withdrawals of any size-only when I want smaller denominations

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 01:10 | 3459670 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture

"Gay Porn Fluffer" I'm putting that on my next census.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 08:57 | 3460250 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Be careful.  You census taker may take a liking to you after hearing that news.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:33 | 3459826 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Transfers (from one party to another) are subject to CTRs.

5000k for banks

2000k for money changers

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 08:51 | 3460214 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Mr Jerremy, I'm so glad you recovered from your aortic disection.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:20 | 3459553 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

Actually report can occur with as little as $5k of aggregated transactions.  The poor sob filling out the report has to choose an answer for part three question 35 and write an essay in part five.

Don't you feel safer knowing your financial institution spies on you on behalf of your government?  And that, by law, they're not even allowed to tell you about it?


Notification Prohibited Federal law (31 U.S.C. 5318(g)(2)) requires that a financial institution, and its directors, officers, employees and agents who, voluntarily or by means of a suspicious activity report, report suspected or known criminal violations or suspicious activities may not notify any person involved in the transaction that the transaction has been reported
Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:51 | 3459647 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

uncle sam -"the rules are for thee-not for me"

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:00 | 3459979 Help Is Not Coming
Help Is Not Coming's picture

Suspicious Activity Report
Fincen Form F9022-47 Section 5 Paragraph (c)

Part V c. Retain any confession, admission, or explanation of the transaction provided by the suspect and indicate to whom and when it was given.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:25 | 3459818 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

A CTR (currency transaction report) is for large dollar transactions (5k at a bank, 2k at a money changer), they are generated AUTOMATICALLY by the computer accounting system each day/night.

A SAR (suspicious activity report) is only for defined suspicious transactions and they are created manually- usually by PDF but some banks have online direct submission tools, it's about 50 questions and creates a requirement for the bank to retain of all related documentation for 5 years.  

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:56 | 3459525 Nassim
Nassim's picture

THEIR business

It is over THERE

I feel so sorry for you American dudes with your disfunctional educational system.


Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:12 | 3459556 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

yeah, their so fucked up.




I know, I know, "they're"

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:12 | 3459749 putaipan
putaipan's picture

chuckle = greenie. and @2am.... three pages to go.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:14 | 3459752 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Their their now; no reason to get all bent out of shape.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 05:03 | 3459887 ClumsyBoatman
ClumsyBoatman's picture

You should have said "Dysfunctional" smartarse.

Disfunctional is an incorrect variant on the normal spelling and not commonly used.

It's important to be correct when being pedantic.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:06 | 3459339 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

Friday humor: what to tell your bank teller when they ask why you are withdrawing YOUR money.


The list is endless and priceless.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:14 | 3459373 hannah
hannah's picture

i dont think the bank teller would be suprised...i've seen more than one banker ceo doing blow off the belly of a dead hooker.....

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:25 | 3459425 fuu
fuu's picture

The Dimon Principle.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:00 | 3459532 GAAP is crap
GAAP is crap's picture

My generic answer is "I steal cars" when they ask what I do (who trains these people?).  When they ask what I will spend it on, that is easy, the answer is always Vegas and hookers.  The non-mention of any drugs in my sardonic answers means no trigger of stupid drug related money laundering crap some lame teller may then set into motion.



Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:44 | 3459833 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

That kind of cash is also good for buying & selling used motorcycles and antiques. Chicks dig motorcycles and nice antiques.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:10 | 3459744 mt paul
mt paul's picture

that might get you

a visit from ..


Dept of Homeland Economics ...

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:28 | 3460013 new game
new game's picture

who is smarter than 4 th grader

sheepicans gold to frn's


indians rupee to gold


she got the frn's i got the gold shaft ;-)

(and she will never know)

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:01 | 3459316 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

Gold has always been the go-to asset in India. They know real money when they see it.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:26 | 3460011 Pemaquid
Pemaquid's picture

Around here a teller would be fired for asking that.. Next time ask to see the manager.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:36 | 3459245 Agstacker
Agstacker's picture

Indians aren't stupid.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:59 | 3459288 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Even after the manipulated fall, gold remains 32% higher than the $1045 per ounce India paid for 200 metric tons of gold from the IMF in November 2009.

Makes me wonder if India, or another country would snap up Cypriot gold (or Portuguese etc.) en masse if the Euroscum forced a sale.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:44 | 3459609 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

+ $1045 

The "India Put".  If for whatever reason physical gold falls below, say, $1200 or so, India will be there to buy it all up.  I would bet China would be in that parade as well.

And whatever physical would be left in the USA when the price is under $1200?  Gone very fast.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 03:44 | 3459769 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Bloomberg is certainly doing their best to keep the "Europe is selling its gold" ball in the air.

One guest said it is easier to sell gold than to "go to one's depositors".

Euro zone depositors take note: they are coming regardless.

Depositors still have a chance to take their euros and buy gold while their masters are claiming they are selling. Two birds with one stone.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:56 | 3459307 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Old family tale:  One of our aunts bought a "Rolex" from an "Indian" with a trenchcoat full of "Rolex'" in the parking lot of a Stuckey's somewhere in the midwest.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:48 | 3459505 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture

That was me with the trench coat
how are she liking the watch?
am thanking you very much

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:16 | 3459753 putaipan
putaipan's picture

uncle ernie? (otherwise reference would help much. thnx,)

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:53 | 3459970 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

It was a test and your relative passed.  The guy in the trenchcoat also had no pants on and all your relative saw was the Rolexes.  Good, since they were probably gold, she passed.

Wonder why she never told you about the Rolex wrapped around his wang?

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:20 | 3459322 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

they should use some of that $ for soap. seriously-I can't even walk in the local Dunkin' Donuts.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:46 | 3460050 Flagit
Flagit's picture

why would you walk in there in the first place?

$6 doughnuts and coffee tasts like shit.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 00:35 | 3459617 Tapeworm
Tapeworm's picture

Yes they are.

 Have you ever seen a cowbow movie when the Indians keep riding around in circles around the wagon train just to get picked off?

 They were at one time the best light cavalry in the world, but lost it all when Hollywood started filming them.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:37 | 3459246 dolph9
dolph9's picture

Indians buy gold mostly for jewelry.  I don't think they are particularly sophisticated about it.

Still it is interesting to watch the inversion of the world order in action.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:41 | 3459258 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Jewelry is their prefered form of bullion. Different shape, same idea.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:47 | 3459272 Mordenkainen
Mordenkainen's picture

Preserves wealth and keeps the womenfolk happy. Maybe they're onto something there.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:05 | 3459331 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

I heard they only buy gold denominated in yen terms for their jewelry.

The rest is garbage.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:03 | 3459332 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

There are two kinds of people in this world...those that love gold and liars.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:30 | 3459957 Room 101
Room 101's picture

I'd amend that to those who love gold or silver or are liars. 

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:21 | 3459402 Unknown Rider
Unknown Rider's picture

I spent some time in Khamis Mushayt, Saudi during the early 90s. Down at the market the women in the burkas would go to the gold market and buy and sell 24kt braclets, nothing fancy. They'd have an arm full of them. The best we could figure was that they wore their wealth and sold to go shopping.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:38 | 3459467 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Saw the same at the Riyadh gold market when I was a kid. Vendors selling gold on groaning carts like fruit. I asked about security and somebody pointed out a stone plinth - where they cut the hands off thieves.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:39 | 3459478 Mordenkainen
Mordenkainen's picture

LOL crude but effective

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:54 | 3459521 fiftybagger
fiftybagger's picture

Can it be used for banker's heads too?

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 06:48 | 3459968 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Well that is the offending part...

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 07:50 | 3460059 Flagit
Flagit's picture

offending parts....


hell no, if we punished theives, the bankers wouldnt live here.

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 23:37 | 3459463 fasTTcar
fasTTcar's picture

Jewellery is non monetary.

You can walk through a border checkpoint with $500,000 worth of gold in jewellery and not declare it.  But if you have 10 oz. of gold coin, you are breaking the law.

Portable, valuable wealth with a common exchange rate anywhere in the world.

Wed, 04/17/2013 - 02:19 | 3459758 putaipan
putaipan's picture

viva the 'nana republic!

Tue, 04/16/2013 - 22:54 | 3459299 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

You really should stop muddying up the water with facts. It confuses the trolls.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!