Friday Humor (#2): The Russian 'Jim Cramer'?

Tyler Durden's picture


As the world looks ominously in the direction of Chechnya, we thought this clip of the far less serious 'artist of the Chechen Republic' may be of interest as well as amusement. Watch as the Russian Jim Cramer-ubercaffeination and exuberance equivalent, Nikita Dzhigurda, explains to this novice trader how to buy $1 million worth of Facebook shares..."are you sure?" the trader anxiously asks... and instead of the ubiquitous "Buy, Buy, Buy" we hear claxoned day after day usually accompanied by cow sounds; the hirsute adviser, once diagnosed with 'hypo-manic psychosis' and currently spitting image of Rob Zombie, delivers the punchline, "yeah, fuck it!" Because nobody does things in Russia half-assed.


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Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:07 | 3504393 Chuck Bone
Chuck Bone's picture

He doesn't just buy Bear Sterns, he wrestles them.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:13 | 3504402 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Bears fine! There's nothing wrong with Bear!"

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:48 | 3504518 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

Don't move your money from Bear! That's just being silly! Don't be silly!

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:39 | 3504672 RebelDevil
RebelDevil's picture

Followup: Cowardly fear of failure.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 22:40 | 3504802 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I wonder if we could get this guy to do the same skit but showing Jamie Dimon how to short a few hundred thousand GS. 

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 02:40 | 3505088 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Looks like poor Mr. Fox didn't buy facebook and ended up getting stuffed instead..

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 10:38 | 3505385 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Dude sounds like the Sesame Street character Count Dracula. Ha Ha Ha Ha.....

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 12:07 | 3505535 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

if interested here is some more from this guy...pretty funny

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:34 | 3504653 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Boris, no comment? The only reason I clicked it was to see if you'd posted.

Za zdorovje, comrade.


Fri, 04/26/2013 - 22:05 | 3504743 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

Whaddya mean?  This is Boris!

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 23:19 | 3504908 Tracerfan
Tracerfan's picture

Dude, we have very similar photos/avatars

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 00:19 | 3504972 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, that's enough to shockaZulu! :>D

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:12 | 3504410 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Mail order husband time, American ladies.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:24 | 3504452 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Or American madies.  Looks pretty fabulous to me.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:15 | 3504412 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

Reminds me more of Randy "Macho Man" Savage... "Yeaaaaaaahhh. Elizabeth..." - Where is George "The Animal" Steele to kick his monkey ass????

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:16 | 3504421 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

Snap into a Slim Jim!!!

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:28 | 3504462 vulcanraven
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Sat, 04/27/2013 - 03:15 | 3505106 ebear
ebear's picture

Russian pair trade:

Long moose, short squirrel.

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 11:38 | 3505481 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture


Sat, 04/27/2013 - 05:37 | 3505182 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

I can see why that fox on the desk looks depressed.

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 08:38 | 3505269 Kickaha
Kickaha's picture

You'd look depressed, too, if you were dead, stuffed, and perched on some wunderkind sociopathic stock trader's desk as his good-luck talisman.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:11 | 3504396 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

So that's where my 80's wardrobe was recycled to.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:13 | 3504414 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Suspect 3

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:15 | 3504425 toys for tits
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Does everything he eats turn to hair?

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:31 | 3504650 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

In Russia, disco wardrobe finds you.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 22:04 | 3504739 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Thanks for the good-night laugh out loud. ;)

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:16 | 3504397 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Bah Bah Bah Borscht!

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:11 | 3504399 SolidSnake961
SolidSnake961's picture

wish there were subtitles

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:18 | 3504426 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I wish the cameraman would fucking stand still.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:10 | 3504404 css1971
css1971's picture

Why don't we have traders like that in London?

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:16 | 3504407 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I didn't know Lemmy of Motorhead was a trader!




Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:19 | 3504428 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

You asked for it.......

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:21 | 3504433 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture



THE ACE OF TRADES (lyrics L. Kilmisterov)

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man
You win some, lose some, it's - all - the same to me
The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil(JPM),
Going with the flow, it's all a game to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stakes or split,
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live forever,
And don't forget the joker!

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 13:13 | 3505653 Long_Xau
Long_Xau's picture

It might have been like that in the 80's. In today's markets though, this is how the Ace of Trades looks like:

And also:

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:13 | 3504418 BubbleBobble
BubbleBobble's picture

To get English subtitles:  

Hover over the video.  Click the 'CC' icon.    Choose 'Russian (automatic captions)' first,  then choose 'Translate Captions (beta), then choose English in the drop-down, then prepare to laugh your ass off, then prepare to give up all hope on emerging markets.


Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:02 | 3504566 RebelDevil
RebelDevil's picture

The youtube translator is hillarious! It's so illogical, that I highly doubt it's a good translation.
Ohwell, fuck it, this guy's fucking awesome! :D

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:43 | 3504688 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture made more sense when i did not know what he was saying...the captions were like kung fu movies were words and mouths make no sense......we need to translate the translation........say your prays and take your vitiamins...cause whatcha gonna do   when that crazy fuckin russian runs wild over

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:14 | 3504422 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

That will give me nightmares.......

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:14 | 3504424 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture




Reminds me of some of the characters from the old TV show Big Time Wrestling.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:23 | 3504441 HowardBeale
HowardBeale's picture

I would trust this guy with my 16-year-old daughter well before I would let Cramer--or his fetid doppleganger, Kudlow--anywhere on the same planet with her. Better to be fucked than eaten...

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:27 | 3504460 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Cramer and Kudlow ARE on the same planet with her, you doofus...........

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 22:10 | 3504744 Monedas
Monedas's picture

.... but they are not with her .... his syntax is a little weird .... like he would trust them with her .... if they were on separate planets .... he's a father .... think Family Guy .... and his daughter is Cristina Applegate ?

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:26 | 3504455 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture





In Putin's Russia, bubble blows you!!!!  


Now I am crazy man laughing!!!! 


What was that in my drink?!?!?!?!




<end transmission>

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:36 | 3504476 OneArmBandit
OneArmBandit's picture

At the end he says:

See you all at the Board of Directors' meeting!

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:37 | 3504482 Eahudimac
Eahudimac's picture

Long cocaine. Until Cramer ODs.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 20:46 | 3504501 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

He would be a big win for CNBC, I would even start watching it.

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:12 | 3504599 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

If they could replace Steve Liesman with a non stop loop of the Trolololo guy too it would be Must See TV!

Sat, 04/27/2013 - 11:28 | 3505466 resurger
resurger's picture

lol ... this world is seriously fucked

Fri, 04/26/2013 - 21:31 | 3504633 The Second Rule
Fri, 04/26/2013 - 22:00 | 3504728 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

He came too soon and left too early.   I miss the WallStreetPro.   I hope he comes back, we need him.

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