Friday Humor (#2): The Russian 'Jim Cramer'?

Tyler Durden's picture

As the world looks ominously in the direction of Chechnya, we thought this clip of the far less serious 'artist of the Chechen Republic' may be of interest as well as amusement. Watch as the Russian Jim Cramer-ubercaffeination and exuberance equivalent, Nikita Dzhigurda, explains to this novice trader how to buy $1 million worth of Facebook shares..."are you sure?" the trader anxiously asks... and instead of the ubiquitous "Buy, Buy, Buy" we hear claxoned day after day usually accompanied by cow sounds; the hirsute adviser, once diagnosed with 'hypo-manic psychosis' and currently spitting image of Rob Zombie, delivers the punchline, "yeah, fuck it!" Because nobody does things in Russia half-assed.


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Chuck Bone's picture

He doesn't just buy Bear Sterns, he wrestles them.

nmewn's picture

"Bears fine! There's nothing wrong with Bear!"

FoeHammer's picture

Don't move your money from Bear! That's just being silly! Don't be silly!

Manthong's picture

I wonder if we could get this guy to do the same skit but showing Jamie Dimon how to short a few hundred thousand GS. 

Cacete de Ouro's picture

Looks like poor Mr. Fox didn't buy facebook and ended up getting stuffed instead..

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Dude sounds like the Sesame Street character Count Dracula. Ha Ha Ha Ha.....

smlbizman's picture

if interested here is some more from this guy...pretty funny

xtop23's picture

Boris, no comment? The only reason I clicked it was to see if you'd posted.

Za zdorovje, comrade.


ShakaZulu's picture

Whaddya mean?  This is Boris!

Tracerfan's picture

Dude, we have very similar photos/avatars

StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, that's enough to shockaZulu! :>D

toys for tits's picture

Mail order husband time, American ladies.

LetThemEatRand's picture

Or American madies.  Looks pretty fabulous to me.

Clayton Bigsby's picture

Reminds me more of Randy "Macho Man" Savage... "Yeaaaaaaahhh. Elizabeth..." - Where is George "The Animal" Steele to kick his monkey ass????

ebear's picture

Russian pair trade:

Long moose, short squirrel.

Wile-E-Coyote's picture

I can see why that fox on the desk looks depressed.

Kickaha's picture

You'd look depressed, too, if you were dead, stuffed, and perched on some wunderkind sociopathic stock trader's desk as his good-luck talisman.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

So that's where my 80's wardrobe was recycled to.

IridiumRebel's picture

Bah Bah Bah Borscht!

SolidSnake961's picture

wish there were subtitles

NotApplicable's picture

I wish the cameraman would fucking stand still.

css1971's picture

Why don't we have traders like that in London?

IridiumRebel's picture

I didn't know Lemmy of Motorhead was a trader!




IridiumRebel's picture



THE ACE OF TRADES (lyrics L. Kilmisterov)

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man
You win some, lose some, it's - all - the same to me
The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil(JPM),
Going with the flow, it's all a game to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stakes or split,
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live forever,
And don't forget the joker!

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Trades
The Ace Of Trades

Long_Xau's picture

It might have been like that in the 80's. In today's markets though, this is how the Ace of Trades looks like:

And also:

BubbleBobble's picture

To get English subtitles:  

Hover over the video.  Click the 'CC' icon.    Choose 'Russian (automatic captions)' first,  then choose 'Translate Captions (beta), then choose English in the drop-down, then prepare to laugh your ass off, then prepare to give up all hope on emerging markets.


RebelDevil's picture

The youtube translator is hillarious! It's so illogical, that I highly doubt it's a good translation.
Ohwell, fuck it, this guy's fucking awesome! :D

smlbizman's picture made more sense when i did not know what he was saying...the captions were like kung fu movies were words and mouths make no sense......we need to translate the translation........say your prays and take your vitiamins...cause whatcha gonna do   when that crazy fuckin russian runs wild over

A Lunatic's picture

That will give me nightmares.......

Divine Wind's picture




Reminds me of some of the characters from the old TV show Big Time Wrestling.

HowardBeale's picture

I would trust this guy with my 16-year-old daughter well before I would let Cramer--or his fetid doppleganger, Kudlow--anywhere on the same planet with her. Better to be fucked than eaten...

A Lunatic's picture

Cramer and Kudlow ARE on the same planet with her, you doofus...........

Monedas's picture

.... but they are not with her .... his syntax is a little weird .... like he would trust them with her .... if they were on separate planets .... he's a father .... think Family Guy .... and his daughter is Cristina Applegate ?

Jim in MN's picture





In Putin's Russia, bubble blows you!!!!  


Now I am crazy man laughing!!!! 


What was that in my drink?!?!?!?!




<end transmission>

OneArmBandit's picture

At the end he says:

See you all at the Board of Directors' meeting!

Eahudimac's picture

Long cocaine. Until Cramer ODs.

Bunga Bunga's picture

He would be a big win for CNBC, I would even start watching it.

Dave Thomas's picture

If they could replace Steve Liesman with a non stop loop of the Trolololo guy too it would be Must See TV!

resurger's picture

lol ... this world is seriously fucked

dogbreath's picture

He came too soon and left too early.   I miss the WallStreetPro.   I hope he comes back, we need him.