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Bank Of Israel To Double Down On Equities, Will Invest In European Stocks

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Stanley Fischer, who cost his central bank a lot of money with his ill-timed bet to invest billions of the Bank of Israel's foreign  currency reserves on names such as Apple last year, has demonstrated that Einstein's definition of insanity is alive and well when it comes to central-planners, has just decided to double down on stocks. Alas, this is not a joke. Bloomberg reports that "The Bank of Israel plans to almost double equity holdings by the end of the year after falling bond yields prompted the central bank to invest in European shares for the first time. The bank will increase its stock holdings to as much as 6 percent of foreign-exchange reserves, or about $4.5 billion, from 3 percent at the end of 2012, according to Yossi Saadon, a Bank of Israel spokesman. Investments in shares rose to about 4.5 percent of assets in the first four months of 2013 as the institution made a “small allocation” to European equities in addition to its U.S. funds, he said." Well, if the BOI's investment in AAPL was the beginning of the end for that company, one can start shorting Europe - an academic Keynesian just called the top.

Why is the Bank of Israel gambling in a manner that until recently was seen as taboo by even the most clueless of economist PhDs? For a reason only an absolutely clueless academic could come up with: "risk-premia." Bloomberg again:

“The basis for the decision to invest in equities is the expected equity-risk premium over bonds,” Saadon wrote in an e- mailed response to questions today. “The goal of this move is to improve the return-to-risk ratio of the reserves.”

Is that like Obama's "profit and earning ratios"?

Where will Israel allocate capital ?

The Bank of Israel bought equities for the first time in March of last year, according to Saadon. The initial purchases were made through UBS AG and BlackRock Inc. The bank’s investments are in passive funds tracking broad MSCI indexes, including companies like Apple Inc.

 

“There has been talk for a long time that they needed to diversify out of Israel,” said Uri Landesman, president of New York-based hedge fund Platinum Partners, which manages about $1.2 billion. “I’m not thrilled with the European equity market this second, but when a central bank makes a move like this, it’s not a day trade. They’re not going to reverse themselves overnight.”

 

The Israeli institution joins the the Swiss National Bank in buying shares this year. The Zurich-based SNB’s stock portfolio rose to 15 percent of assets last quarter, from 12 percent at the end of last year, according to data released yesterday on its website.

And that is how it's done.

So for all those who still have something as trivial as a cost-basis when chasing risk in the "new normal", and unlike central banks, can't simply conjure buying dry powder out of thin air printer, which they then use to accumulate "foreign reserves" with which to buy stocks, all we have to say is "condolences."

Of course, the central banks know this, and hope that everyone else merely comes along for the ride and front runs the banks to such an extent that an actual investment is unnecessary. Kinda like Draghi's Europe and the whole still non-existent OMT. The one thing these same academics forget is that the reason nobody wants to invest in markets anymore, is because being side by side central banks guarantees yet another epic bubble burst just like last time. And since the market is now officially broken, and since everyone else will get to exit first, what is the point of being herded into whatever stock some Princeton or MIT professor says you should buy?

In the meantime, central banks can just buy and sell stocks to each other sending "markets" to 30,000, 40,000, 50,000 or some other now meaningless number. Everyone knows now we are in the biggest and final bubble. If nothing else, at least having cluless economists buying stocks regardless of prices will bring the final reset that much faster.

 

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Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:02 | 3519215 jubber
jubber's picture

didn't they buy Apple @ $700

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:18 | 3519254 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

The insanity quote WAS NOT Einstein's!

But I guess repeating that it is over and over agian would be!

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:23 | 3519308 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Its getting bad when the Jews on Wall Street is shafting their own from Israel just to make a buck....Guess they took a page right out of Madoff.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:49 | 3519455 fourchan
fourchan's picture

they are going for the origional play out of the rothchild play book,

own europe, crash europe, buy everything(when napolion is defeted at waterloo).

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3519518 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I think you've got a flawed definition. "Their own" is not a valid concept, as it deals with an abstract collective, while the true "their own" is a reference to all of their individual buddies.

Of course, that's how collectivism always destroys, as it undermines the individual.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:38 | 3519619 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

All this is just a little shmear of Bernanke on some wry bread.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 18:17 | 3519992 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Yeah N/A... Any criticism of jews or the Apartheid State of Israel is a 'flawed' definition... I learned that by listening to Rothschild owned Reuters & Associated Press, & jew controlled MSM... They have a great track record for telling the truth...

~~~

Now ~ when you're ready to have a serious conversation about how 'usury', fractional reserve debt, theft, & false propaganda, undermines & destroys the individual, we can sit down & talk,,,

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 21:00 | 3520646 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Dead on.

Interest & Fractional Reserve are truly the roots of (most) evil.

 

 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:10 | 3519255 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

How do you say "Good luck with that!" in Hebrew? or Yiddish?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:18 | 3519269 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Mazel tov  

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:02 | 3519397 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Schlemiel, schlimazel, hasenpfeffer incorporated.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3519521 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Damn you! I did NOT need that earbug.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:19 | 3519274 john39
john39's picture

yeah, but think about it...  where is the purchase money coming from?  what have they got to lose?  what happens when all the markets tank and the serfs sell?  who owns everything, gold and any stock worth anything at the end of the day?  

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:01 | 3519495 sampo
sampo's picture

Yeah, one day not so far away from this one somebody might get an idea of starting to mine some gold from a high density corner of the Mediterranean sea, or something?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:31 | 3519325 Croesus
Croesus's picture

Oy, Gevald!

Will they be investing that foreign aid package they get from the US taxpayers?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:02 | 3519216 Cognitive Dissonance
Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3519449 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

with 4 billion a year from the US taxpayers, i'm sure they will be able to dollar cost average aapl at 400...300...200

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:01 | 3519219 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Having an endless supply of cash, its the logical thing to do (with other peoples money).

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:54 | 3519228 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Now see, you just don't understand how this works. It is NOT other people's money. It's their money. The 'other people' just get to use it until they lose their usefulness. Then its gone. 

All that remains are the real things "they" bought with their fake currency. All you and I are left with is the fake currency and debt.

Get smart. Get Gold (and Silver too).

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:11 | 3519524 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Exactly. I'm having a hard time understanding how any CB can "lose" anything, given their cost is ZERO.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:18 | 3519552 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

They can't, at least, not in REAL terms. Nominal yes, but not real. Their REAL cost basis for buying shit is ZERO, as they merely print the money from nothing.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:33 | 3519602 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

So they're buying toilet paper with toilet paper, then

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:02 | 3519223 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Sounds Kosher enough, in my eyes like.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:44 | 3519226 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

No doubt they're investing in German U-boat makers:

http://rt.com/news/israel-dolphin-submarine-nuclear-598/

Q:  Does this mean that Germany will get its gold back from the Fed, when they deliver the last of the subs in ~ 7 years, and that 'payment' for them will be getting the gold?

Q: Since these Cruise missiles can handle nukes, but Israel does not have any, it must mean that they can use only spent nuke fuel from their nuke reactor.  So how can you avoid confusing one of theirs with a similar dirty nuke from one of the other 'Nukes of Hazard', like Iran via Hezbollah?  Does theirs have a 6-star blast-pattern, whereas the terr'ists have a Crescent-shaped pattern?  How can you tell?  Spock?  Where's Spock?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:05 | 3519232 bagehot99
bagehot99's picture

I think they should start a record label. 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3519388 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

or perhaps purchase a sports franchise?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:05 | 3519233 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Kev wheeling in the VIX crucher algo int he last hour to close the DOW in green.  

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:06 | 3519234 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

only one word comes to mind ... schmuck ...

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3519378 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

"Disgust" came to mine. But then again,  that always happens when I hear the words, Israel or Bank. Double disgusting. 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:09 | 3519235 Hondo
Hondo's picture

Actually, this should be criminal.  There is so much wrong with this from a governance and fiduciary stand point it reeks.  I suppose they will vote with management on pay raises, bonuses, etc.  Can we sue the company if the government is an owner or do they have sovereign immunity?  Basically they are nationalized (although by foreign means) industry.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:10 | 3519526 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Hey, if one allows the criminality of a CB, then what's so wrong with how they use it?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:07 | 3519236 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

The bank’s investments are in passive funds tracking broad MSCI indexes

 

There's your levitation.  Guess this takes some weight off of Ben's shoulders.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:07 | 3519238 Golden_Rule
Golden_Rule's picture

lol.  Europe is what-- at least 3 - 5 years out till they see any growth?...  fukin dumb zionists

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:10 | 3519240 MFLTucson
MFLTucson's picture

Are they talking about Goldman Sachs when they talk about the Bank of Isreal?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:07 | 3519243 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

If I could print paper, call it money, and buy stocks with it.....I would.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:25 | 3519306 css1971
css1971's picture

Why?

I'd buy vast estates, huge yachts, personal 747s, maybe a couple of research projects to build a huge airship I could use to cruise the world, never having to land again.

If you can print paper and call it money you can bypass stocks and go directly to Dr. Evil.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3519417 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

The real trick is to print paper, use it to buy stocks, bid the price up bouncing it back and forth between friends, then dump it off on some poor schmo.

That way you don't just print paper and buy shit, you print paper and steal from others, too. Then you end up with even more power and even more money so you can move on to the buying of even more estates, yachts, etc.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:02 | 3519494 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Ah yes, the laws of mechanics, when applied to finance & power: 

Position, leverage, ratchet up.  Re-position, leverage, ratchet up...  Repeat process until desired goals achieved.

How come our parents didn't teach us these wealth & success principles, instead of sending us to Sunday/Putz School?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3519542 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If you haven't noticed, they already own nearly ALL of the tangible assets that exist on the planet. Every home, every car, every business.

Meanwhile, collateralized, leveraged debt owns us.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:08 | 3519246 Magnum
Magnum's picture

Sayanim will be put into place throughout the European govt as part of the bargain.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:09 | 3519247 sluggo
sluggo's picture

If my math is correct ("as much as 6 percent of foreign-exchange reserves, or about $4.5 billion") then Israel has around $75 billion of reserves.  Why then are we giving them foreign aid to the tune of $3 billion per year (and a total of $115 billion from 1949 through 2013)?

source: wikipedia

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:22 | 3519289 optimator
optimator's picture

I think it's called "Tribute".  They also get an equal amount from "Loan Forgiveness".  We should at least borrow the money we give Israel from Israel and cut China out of the deal.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:24 | 3519318 kito
kito's picture

@sluggo....they are getting 3 billion a year so they can turn around and use it all for american made military equipment....just another round about way of furthering the govt sponsored/socialist defense industry..............

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:12 | 3519250 wcvarones
wcvarones's picture

They didn't buy AAPL, they bought the index.  And they are up 15% since last March.  Zimbabwe Stan learned from the best.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:26 | 3519310 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

Buying European equities at the moment is also a play on the apparent need of the ECB to start printing euros again in a big way.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:12 | 3519251 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I'm doubling down on house of cards burning by years end.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:10 | 3519252 maskone909
maskone909's picture

Buying at record highs? Wayto go guys lol

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:11 | 3519262 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

And the Bank of Israel Gold Reserves....?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:55 | 3519468 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Stored near their nuclear facility in the Negev desert, along with Barbaric Relics from other CB's.  This reduces storage costs for all, when in a common and multi-use facility, and guarded by IDF instead of expensive private firms.  Also promotes world peace, when they all have Relic in the Game.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:13 | 3519267 The Dancer
The Dancer's picture

Personally, I think that all of southern Europe may be finished for a generation...I debate socialism every day of the week when I can with young Europeans...it's a relirion to many of them now..and they think that they are superior for it...until I destroy them, point by point...and enjoy every minute of it...many young males from Spain, Italy, etc. are traveling around looking for opportunity...pitiful...

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:23 | 3519309 Rip van Wrinkle
Rip van Wrinkle's picture

How long did the USSR take from start to finish? 70 years or so?

 

A generation? You jest. The EU IS the new USSR. I'll give it another 3 generations.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3519383 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

The EU IS the new USSR. I'll give it another 3 generations

It won't last 10 more years.

EUSSR doesn't have USSR's stamina (read "instruments of persuassion"), nor enough money to buy the silence of the great unwashed with wellfare programs.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3519360 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

The ZH banner on top left of my browser says: "The goal of capitalism is communism....-Timothy Trotski"

Is that what's in store for Capitalism?  Or are Alernate Endings possible -- like on Blu Ray these days?  E.g. Feudalism, but which is promoted as Socialism or as...

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:18 | 3519281 css1971
css1971's picture

...

...

...

...

Are they really going to use stocks to transfer money in to the economy? That's fucking insane. Bonds are insane but this is utterly utterly irresponsible.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:21 | 3519284 sockratte
sockratte's picture

numbers aren't big enough to create any bubble in the stock markets

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:21 | 3519285 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Beware of Trojan Horse investments. If they operate like in the US, they will play the Procedure game to gain access to German tech. 

Via JV's (Joint Ventures) in R & D that involves tech sharing.  Especially if that tech will be used by 'other' (Russian, Chinese) countries.  They are so competitive, that they do not want your products or services, but want your cookie-cutter and recipe.   Then they'll come out with their version and sell it to you.  It's called Extreme Competition.  The usual rules of chivalry or reciprocity do not apply to their Borg-like approach to conquest.  It's not meant to be "nasty" on their part -- no more than a wolf, tiger or shark means to be 'nasty' -- but both are simply being true to their nature.

The Germans can a bit old-school or blue-eyed about these things.  But maybe not.  I'd like to think that they've made up, and let bygones be bygones.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:24 | 3519298 optionsman
optionsman's picture

what is the purpose of FX reserves typically? and for Israel in particular? if it is to mainly aid monetary policy ie devalue local currency then i am not sure why they have to do this via equities. in other words, are they serious talking about valuation? if so what a farce. why not buy more gold? is that because such an action would be counterproductive from the Fed's point of view?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:24 | 3519301 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Der Anschluss.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:25 | 3519305 mind_imminst
mind_imminst's picture

Sure they are buying a record highs.

Of course they know what they are doing.

If I could print money (or just add some zeroes to my bank account, the modern equivalent), I would buy commodities, stocks, whatever.

Of course their "investments" will do well for a while. Central Planners/Banks are in almost total control of paper/fiat markets. Stocks been known to go up during inflation and hyper-inflation. 

Speaking of hyper-inflation, isn't this one of those markers/sign posts along the way. Doesn't this action accelerate the inflation of fiat paper assets?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:31 | 3519335 kito
kito's picture

no really, this is not pro hyperinflation as the money goes straight from the hp printer into the almighty dow jones.............wont do a thing to increase velocity of money..................in fact, when all of these assets filled with digital fiat finally blow up.......those digital dollars will be gone in a heartbeat............and the deleveraging/default/deflationary tsunami will be a real historic event..........................

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:29 | 3519327 DrkPurpleHaze
DrkPurpleHaze's picture

What could go wrong his resume is impeccable. MIT, IMF, CFR, Fed Reserve advisor, World Bank Consultant, Bilderberger.....DOW 50K!!!!Woooot!

http://www.iie.com/fischer/cv.html

Mon, 05/27/2013 - 10:02 | 3600956 Zoltan
Zoltan's picture

Why don't you get your own id and avatar instead of stealing one from a respected poster on another site?

Z

 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:28 | 3519334 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Best Jew joke ever:

A Jew walks into a public bathroom to take a piss only to find that there is a huge turd in the toilet that someone forgot to flush.  As he is about to flush it down he sees something shiny under the shit...it's a quarter!

He says, "Now I may be a filthy, money-grubbing Jew, but even I won't reach my hand into a toilet full of shit for a quarter."

So he takes another quarter out of his pocket, flips it into the toilet, pushes up the shirt sleeve on his right arm, and as he reaches into the bowl, says...

"But for 50 cents...."

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:34 | 3519345 Croesus
Croesus's picture

Q: What's the greatest Jewish dilemma?

A: Free Pork.

 

 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3519389 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Nice!

How was copper wire invented?

2 Jews fighting over a penny.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:39 | 3519393 Croesus
Croesus's picture

Haha:

Q: What do Jewish women do, when they're done playing with their assholes?

A: Send them off to work.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:43 | 3519430 Croesus
Croesus's picture

Here's another one for you:

 

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3519444 kito
kito's picture

jewish womans favorite alcoholic beverage with dinner?

whine.................ba-dam-bomp......

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:04 | 3519501 Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

LOL

Q: What happens when a jew with a hard-on runs into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:34 | 3519601 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

OFF-COLOR, but still funny:

Q:  What do you call a room full of Jewish women with yeast infections?
A:  A whine and cheese party.

Q:  What's Jewish doggy style?
A:  You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead.

Q: What language does a Jewish homo speak?
A: Heblew

Q:  What's one of the smallest books in the world?
A:  Jewish Business Ethics

Q:  How do you get 100 Jews into a Benz?
A:  Throw a stock option in it.
Q:  How do you get them out again?
A:  Tell them Hilter is driving.

 

ACCURATE (if unflattering to Scotsmen and Dutchmen):

Q:  What's the difference between a Scotsman, Dutchman and a Jew?
A:  A Jew is someone who can buy something from a Dutchman, sell it to a Scotsman and still makes money!

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:29 | 3519340 css1971
css1971's picture

Aren't they just weakening the ILS vs the EUR when they do this? They won't really care what they buy with it.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:31 | 3519349 The Dancer
The Dancer's picture

Two comments...1) Germans don't think anything like the Greeks or Spaniards...they usually know the realitiesof life   

2) Did anyone else notice that on MW the NYSE NOW thinks that fast markets are dangerous and risky...are you fing me! That's the quote!

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3519401 Never_Put_Down
Never_Put_Down's picture

Spelling a future bail-out for the Bank of Israel and a bail-in for rich Jews

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 15:49 | 3519454 Jackagain
Jackagain's picture

Could be a pump 'n' dump scheme too... 

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3519511 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

I feel worryingly composed while witnessing the systematic ravaging of capitalism's bumhole.

Fingers crossed that some of these funny-monies are "spilled" into my penny shares (small victories, right?)

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:05 | 3519514 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Why don't they just pile the cash in the middle of the street and set it on fire?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:08 | 3519516 godzila
godzila's picture

Did anyone note the SNB holding about 65 bn in equity, apparently mostly in Japan (http://snbchf.com/2013/04/snb-bottom-fishing-yen/) ?  Isn't that even crazier than the Isreali ?

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:34 | 3519610 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Priest & Rabbi joke:

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

And the rabbi said, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break, surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "Aren't you going to have any?" And the rabbi replied, "No . . . I think I'll just wait for the police."

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:42 | 3519638 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Priest & Rabbi joke - fund-raising:

There was a Rabbi who went to the Catholic Priest at the church and asked: "How do you get the money to make your church so beautiful?".

Father said "We hear confessions; observe while I demonstrate". So the priest gets in the center compartment, the Rabbi on one side and in walks the first penitent.

"It's been one week since my last confession and I have commited adultery three times". Father says: "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven".

The next penitent walks in and says: "It's been one week since my last confession and I've committed adultery three times".  Father says: "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven".

The Rabbi say: "Ooh, can I try?"  So the priest and the Rabbi switch booths.  In walks the next penitent. "Can I help you", asks the Rabbi. The penitent says: "It's been one week since my last confession and I've committed adultery two times".  The Rabbi says: "Go out and do it a third time; we have a special - Three for five dollars!"

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:42 | 3519652 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

A Minister, Priest and Rabbi out hiking:

One day, a minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike. It was very hot.

They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognize.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 16:46 | 3519655 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

Psssttt...hey Levy, I have a Hot Tip....put your money in that company...what's the name....oh yeah, MFGlobal...rumor has it they're well-connected....

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 17:05 | 3519726 Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

The biggest sell signal this side of the wailing wall.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 17:39 | 3519848 TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

I was just thinking of quantitativeasing myself, printing some bucks  for investing in european assest. It's sale's season in Southern Europe.

Wed, 05/01/2013 - 18:00 | 3519953 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

Why did G-d make Gentiles?

Someone has to pay retail.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 13:43 | 3523133 pierco1
pierco1's picture

I wouldn't bet against Jews and international bankers

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 06:26 | 3525742 Tompooz
Tompooz's picture

I won't be surprised if I see them adding New Zealand farmland next. Just like some of their billionaires.

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