"You've Reached Your Slice Limit Mayor Bloomberg" - The Food Police Meets The Pizza Nazi

Tyler Durden's picture




 

After months of legislating soda sizes and steak rarenesses it seems the food police have finally met their match. As The Daily Currant "reports", in protest over the proposed soda ban in NY, the owners of Collegno's Pizzeria in Brooklyn refused to serve Mayor Michael Bloomberg a second slice of pizza during an informal lunch meeting. Ripped from the scripts of Seinfeld, or Pulp Fiction, or, appropriately enough, The Onion, when Bloomberg requested the second slice, the owner retorted, "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit." The exchange quickly escalated with the Mayor dropping f-bombs and the restaurant's owner climaxing with, "there's nothing I can do; maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories." A fuming Bloomberg left the pizzeria and finished his meeting (and more pizza) at a rival restaurant.

Via The Daily Currant:

"Hey, could I get another pepperoni over here?" Bloomberg asked owner Antonio Benito.

 

"I'm sorry sir," he replied, "we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit."

 

Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.

 

"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."

 

"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."

 

"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I fucking skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some fucking pizza, okay."

 

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."

 

Witnesses say a fuming Bloomberg and a bemused Liu did indeed walk down the street to a rival pizzeria , ordered another slice and finished their meeting.

P.S. since there may be some confusion about The Daily Currant's "Onionesque" qualities, we should probably suggest that there is a "modest" element of satire to this piece. Which of course means there is a substantial amount of implicit truth.

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Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:23 | 3525050 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

No more slices for you!

NEXT!

LOL

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:25 | 3525058 ACP
ACP's picture

Speaking of Nanny-B, how long until buys a billion of these to track the unruly citizens of NY?

Fly-sized DRONE:

http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2013/0502/Flight-of-the-RoboBee-Tiny-ho...

 

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:29 | 3525074 Sockeye
Sockeye's picture

Next time I'm in NY I will make a point of visiting this restaurant.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:31 | 3525089 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Yep- Antonio is my new hero- how's THEM balls taste, Mike?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:03 | 3525338 true brain
true brain's picture

Really smart move, that pizza place is going to be an iconic place soon. THat move is worth millions in advertising dollars. Good job Mr.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:08 | 3525345 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture

Yep. All those kids going to college to get a job in Marketing, this is how Marketing is done. Take note.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:53 | 3525421 dryam
dryam's picture

Next time there needs to be video.  It would go viral & within 24 hours the restaurant would be overwelmed with new business.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 01:41 | 3525480 Precious
Precious's picture

"Hey Motherfucker.  I skipped breakfast and lunch.  Now give me that fucking 36 oz coke before you end up in a fresh barrel of mortar."  - Tony Sopranostein

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:21 | 3525374 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

How many times will he be stopped and frisked in the near future? Inquiring minds are wondering. Somebody report back in a month or two whether he's still looking feisty or if he looks like he's been through too many cavity searches. I will be curious to see.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 05:08 | 3525695 pine_marten
pine_marten's picture

The stop & frisk thing is much more sinister than many think.  The cops trick the young black & hispanic kids into pulling out their little bags of weed (usually) and then because of the way the pot decrim laws are written there it becomes a criminal offense.  And just like that - poof - no student loans for you plus a criminal record that bars employment most of the time.  Too bad the pizzeria owner didn't spill a pot of boiling coffee on the facist prick.

 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 06:54 | 3525768 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

No student loans? Isn't that a reward, not a punishment?

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:33 | 3525098 Sockeye
Sockeye's picture

Snopes says false: http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/bloombergpizza.asp
Still funny though.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:41 | 3525125 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Regardless, I'll take that kind of a pizza party over a tea party anyday

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 23:00 | 3525173 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

LOL  Keep it current people....

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 23:54 | 3525314 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Maybe the "No Pizza for YOU!!" story is fiction, but there are over 30 gun manufacturers that are refusing to sell any of their weapons to any government agency located in New York.  So, "No Barrett 50 BMGs for YOU, Mayor Fuckface!!" is the truth.  

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:03 | 3525336 Manthong
Manthong's picture

A thing of beauty, if true..

Now , if  they could only do that effectively to the state legislature…

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:24 | 3525358 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

They have, now the number of gun companies refusing to sell to .gov agencies in anti-gun states is 140 and growing.  Here is a list and their policy statements (btw Barrett is number 1 on the list):

http://www.thepoliceloophole.com/

Ronnie Barrett's (a true defender of the Second Amendment) statement: http://barrett.net/news/11

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:55 | 3525419 Manthong
Manthong's picture

imo.. those who share customer status understand

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 02:38 | 3525564 Flagit
Flagit's picture

so, what...the police have to start using the hollow points dhs just bought because no manufactures will deal with them?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 08:52 | 3526086 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

They already have hollowpoints in their guns. 

Read Ronnie Barrett's statement referenced above.  Paraphrasing, if citizens can't have our guns, neither can anti-Second Amendment governments. 

May Bloomberg drown in a vat of high fructose corn syrup, after being waterboarded with diet Coke.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 23:33 | 3525264 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

A tea party had been the starting point of what later will become the USA.

So far, nothing came out of any pizza party, except some dirty walls...

QED

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 07:48 | 3525878 Oleander
Oleander's picture

There actually is a Pizza Party. They were listed at the Ma. Primary.  There are quite a few obscure parties, but anyone designated as a member of one of these parties could not vote. I sat there for 13 hrs for 170 voters. Piss poor turn out. 

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:51 | 3525148 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Snopes can go fuck itself.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:01 | 3525333 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Sorry, not true.  It's on Snopes that they cannot go fuck themselves.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:17 | 3525365 perchprism
perchprism's picture

 

But you can go fuck yourself in the mouth, commie.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:36 | 3525399 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Ironically, you are fucking yourself in your mouth by uparrowing youself.  Do you have self-confidence issues?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 09:53 | 3526502 pine_marten
pine_marten's picture

All this acrimony and harsh rhetoric is harshing my buzzzzzzz

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:15 | 3525357 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Snopes!?! Now that's effing funny! I didn't think anyone still "Checked with Snopes" on anything... The Mikkelson's are a pair of idiot nobody's. Barbara and Gregg Mikkelson have absolutely NO investigative experience. Snopes! Hahahahahaha....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 07:01 | 3525729 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Snopes... Yet another pair of jews chromosomed with an unfettering desire, [amateur in this case], to bring truth to the world...

~~~

As for Bloomberg... Sarc or no sarc, it's pretty much a slam dunk that a jew like him would not take kindly to Nazi's [pizza or otherwise]... Jews hate Nazi's [except ~ of course, when they get to play the role of Nazi themselves... At that point it becomes a national pastime]...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 08:03 | 3525903 Chuck Walla
Chuck Walla's picture

 of course, when they get to play the role of Nazi themselves.

Soros' pager just went off...

FORWARD SOVIET!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 07:13 | 3525816 Cloud9.5
Cloud9.5's picture

Snopes seems a little biased to me.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 08:57 | 3526214 eatapeach
eatapeach's picture

Snopes is shit

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 18:00 | 3528675 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Goodluck with that, as my bets are on them not being around in a year or so.

Be it health "violations," non-renewal of business "permit," drug raid, kiddie porn raid, etc. they will probably be gone by this time next year.                       hujel

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:30 | 3525075 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

He should have slapped mayor fuckface Bloomberg in the face with a pizza slice!

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 23:56 | 3525323 The Carbonator
The Carbonator's picture

Assault Pizza

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 02:33 | 3525559 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

This has got to stop for the sake of the children.

No one needs more than one slice.

 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 06:58 | 3525781 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

High capacity semi-automatc pepperoni.  Outlawed in NY.  7 slices per pizza maximum.

You don't need more than 7 slices to kill your hunger.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 08:35 | 3526051 hapless
hapless's picture

When I'm on a diet I cut my pizza into just 2 slices.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:24 | 3525054 Payne
Payne's picture

What a hero.  See how long the health dept takes to harass him into submission.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:34 | 3525088 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

If this is true...

this guy's a national hero!

And we need to proclaim him so!

Fuck you, BloomTurd!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 00:03 | 3525337 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

You know what they say about good fiction like 1984.  You can't make this shit up.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 02:37 | 3525563 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

If they actually set Statist hounds onto his business to try and fuck him up that would turn on Bloomcunt.  It would go viray and get on the MSM.

He would be a national hero folks are waiting for this kind of thing.

I hope some cock-sucking sycophant decides to do it to impress the Boss.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:32 | 3525092 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Well worth it to tell a limo fascist dictator to shove it up his ass.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:43 | 3525130 howenlink
howenlink's picture

I wish the damn ammo manufacturers that are supplying DHS would eat at Collegno's!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 01:42 | 3525451 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Pubic hairs were found on his big gulps and his anchovies smelt like Janet Reno's knickers !

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 06:27 | 3525744 S5936
S5936's picture

Hey Benito , I gotta letter here for you from the US Treasury.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:26 | 3525061 beavertails
beavertails's picture

I used to go to a place that advertised One for One Pizza in Montreal.  Your order one, you only got one.  It was an original concept I must say.  It has long been closed.  Guess they moved to New York.

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:46 | 3525138 msamour
msamour's picture

I Live in Ottawa, and I can tell you the 1 for 1 chain is alive in wwell on the Quebec side, there are at lest 4 franchises that I know of near Ottawa. Cheers!

 

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:27 | 3525064 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

" Get used to it" ...Bloomburg the half-pint...

Thu, 05/02/2013 - 22:28 | 3525066 Seer
Seer's picture

Loved it!

Maybe post a sign stating: "We reserve the right to refuse service to politicians."

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