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"You've Reached Your Slice Limit Mayor Bloomberg" - The Food Police Meets The Pizza Nazi
After months of legislating soda sizes and steak rarenesses it seems the food police have finally met their match. As The Daily Currant "reports", in protest over the proposed soda ban in NY, the owners of Collegno's Pizzeria in Brooklyn refused to serve Mayor Michael Bloomberg a second slice of pizza during an informal lunch meeting. Ripped from the scripts of Seinfeld, or Pulp Fiction, or, appropriately enough, The Onion, when Bloomberg requested the second slice, the owner retorted, "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit." The exchange quickly escalated with the Mayor dropping f-bombs and the restaurant's owner climaxing with, "there's nothing I can do; maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories." A fuming Bloomberg left the pizzeria and finished his meeting (and more pizza) at a rival restaurant.
"Hey, could I get another pepperoni over here?" Bloomberg asked owner Antonio Benito.
"I'm sorry sir," he replied, "we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit."
Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.
"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."
"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."
"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I fucking skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some fucking pizza, okay."
"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."
Witnesses say a fuming Bloomberg and a bemused Liu did indeed walk down the street to a rival pizzeria , ordered another slice and finished their meeting.
P.S. since there may be some confusion about The Daily Currant's "Onionesque" qualities, we should probably suggest that there is a "modest" element of satire to this piece. Which of course means there is a substantial amount of implicit truth.
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just another rich jew wants to impose his talmud crap on Americans. End Jew Law. End the Rule of Law.
just another rich jew wants to impose his talmud crap on Americans. End Jew Law. End the Rule of Law.
Mud in the faces of the Tylers?
A while back weren't they making fun of the North Koreans biting on an article from The Onion?
Should have spit io his pizza and gave it to the Nazi asshole!
One of the most simutaneously amusing and gratifying slices of ZH I've ever enjoyed!
Clearly false, we all know politicians don't eat pizza, they feast on human souls
Whether this is real or not its funny as hell
And 10 minutes after the mayor left the pizzaria the NYPD SWAT team broke the the back door and began running tests on the flour to determine gluten levels. When they were judged to be a .6 instead of the allowable .5 the business was closed down. It was also determined by the Czar of zoning compliance that his garbage cans were non comliant. This led to fines not to exceed 50,000 euros....I mean dollars.....At which point Benito wrote a 40,000 euro check...I mean dollars...to the Bloomberg Institute for Corrective Eating and Thinking and all was forgiven....THE END.
Fabulous. I hope the pizza owner had the encounter secretly filmed.
This kind of top-down imposed crap from the likes of Bloomberg reminds me of several years ago when the socialist New Labour govt of Mr Tony Blair imposed a maximum packet size for Paracetamols (Tylenol in the US).
Whereas it used to be possible to buy packets containing 24, 36 or even 48 tabs etc at lower prices, the maximum size was reduced to 16 by order of the government to prevent people from overdosing. What else? Thus, supermarket checkout software had to be changed to ring alarm bells if a single customer attempted to buy 2 or 3 packets and an assistant rushed over to politely inform the customer of the new regulations.
Naturally, if the customer decided to buy two packets in two seperate transactions or indeed to buy further packets in other shops, that didn't set the alarms off, so the regulation was pointless, ineffective and amounted to yet another "compliance cost" on industry and extra cost to the consumer because the cost per tab in '16' packets is higher than in '48' packets. But the jumped up wannabe despots are only interested in imposing their will onto society. The pleasure of wielding power satisfies their inner feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.
um, the daily currant is a spoof site, but better than the onion in that its stories are usually plausible.
They were the ones who concocted the story about sarah palin taking a news anchor job at Al Jazeera that the Washington Post ran.
ZH got pwnd!