Blythe Masters' Crowning Achievement: The Credit Default Swap

Tyler Durden's picture

As reported earlier, JPM's head commodity maven, Blythe Masters (her very rare public appearance can be seen here) suddenly finds herself in hot water for, among other things, allegedly lying under oath, obstructing justice and "engaging in a systematic cover up" to "approve schemes" seeking to defraud the states of California and Michigan in electricity trading (Enron flashbacks are more than welcome). So just who is Blythe? Most people on this site should be very familiar with her work by now (the NYT has a good recap), so instead of reconnecting the dots, we will once again dig up the presentation by one very young Ms. Master, introducing her then quite innovative product: the Credit Default Swap, titled appropriately enough "The J.P.Morgan Guide To Credit Derivatives" (by Blythe Masters). Because it is always best to let one's work speak.

 

h/t prophet

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NoDebt's picture

She'll be our next president with a promising resume like that.

knukles's picture

Nobody of Blythe's stature from the Morgue is gonna be tried, imprisoned or subjected to permanent damage.  Maybe some of her charges down the rat-hole at the lower levels of the food chain... but nobody like Blythe. 
Hell, if they do that they might as well go for Jamie and revoke the bank's charter... which the PlaceHolder has officially said Is Not Gonna Fucking Happen.
Nor will Congress Let it Happen....
Too much money at stake.
Way too much money....

 

"But honest Congressman/Senator/Judge the analyst who put my briefing book together told me so, my traders told me so, the Risk Metrics System had bad coding, the.... etc, etc, etc, ad hoc, Vootie

Pinto Currency's picture

 

It is all Blythe's fault.

Certainly not the banking oligarchs.

They need to hang her high.

Just like in the 1930s when FDR said that the 1929 crash and subsequent depresson was caused by "a few bad apples" requiring new financial regulation (hell, it wasn't the Fed & the Bank of England), Blythe will be fingered, Eric "fast and furious" & "too big to jail" Holder will propose new regulations, and everyone will go home happy that they've caught the perp in silver and gold manipulation.

CASE CLOSED.

Killtruck's picture

Regardless of her crimes, I'd still hit it.

nope-1004's picture

Lucifer was the most beautiful of God's angels.  Wake up dude.

 

James_Cole's picture

I love Blythe, she's always reminded me of Faye Dunaway's character in 'Network.' Will be interesting to watch if this whole lying-under-oath thing actually gets her in trouble. 

FEDbuster's picture

Will she get "the Corzine" treatment or "the Madoff" treatment? My money is on "the Corzine".

knukles's picture

Hell, the Federalies (We don't need no stinkin' badges*) already knew about Madoff.  It was he who turned himself in for all intents and purposes and they were thus forced to do something to Cover Their Asses to make like enforcing the law... Plus looked good.. like they were enforcing the law.

sigh...

eatthebanksters's picture

My guess is Kamala Harris will find Blythe to be too pretty and so will file charges against her.

Ident 7777 economy's picture

 

FEDbuster:

 

Corzine

Madoff

 

Martha Stewart (Lying is the crime)

ToNYC's picture

Did-Not-Intend Card, Pass.

NoClueSneaker's picture

Hm, I think a love of the hunter for a baby seal fur . Without the witnesses, well there could be more than ZH wanting to clubb her without any trace of doubt .

I've seen enough of her. To smash her scull by the ocassion would be a human duty. The cunt is an monster ....

Abraxas's picture

What's wrong with uncle Lucie? He punishes the evil-doers, which is a hell of a job, while the Son is forgiving everybody, even JP and GS executives.

teolawki's picture

Boy are you in for a surprise. Her man parts are bigger than yours.

HelluvaEngineer's picture

I'm still trying to figure out how her ear is like 18" from her face.  Perhaps it's her enormous evil brain.  Does she have custom hats made up for her?

USisCorrupt's picture

I would not stick my prick in that Infected Hole!

monoloco's picture

Not even with Jamie Dimon's dick.

HardwoodAg's picture

Dude, she's already fucked u.

nope-1004's picture

I find it interesting that the name itself, "Credit DEFAULT Swap", is associated with this manipulative lady.  "Credit" because there is no viable equity market, "default" because appreciation is done and only losses will be realized, and "swap" because banksters can't skim on the transaction unless there is churn.

As stated, she deserves ZERO respect for the global financial damage she has inflicted on billions in the name of personal bonuses and corporate profits.

One day she'll get what's coming to her.

 

cifo's picture

"One day she'll get what's coming to her."

That's usually called karma.

new game's picture

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt, Bushes' fault!

vmromk's picture

Blythe Masters = C U N T

vmromk's picture

Bernank, is that you leaving me negative ratings ?

Don't worry Bernank, your mother is a CUNT just as well.

Motorhead's picture

Definitely.  Cuntus Maximus.  Or, she's just an ass hole.

Colonial Intent's picture

In the interest of sexual equality balance I would like to point out that she's also a D I C K

Aeternus's picture

Well, isn't that swell? Quite the achievement!

Where do they create these people? In a petri dish deep below the marriner eccles?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deuC8GPr31A

Manthong's picture

http://i.imgur.com/23zYxf5.jpg

 

sorry..dating myself..  "or grandparents"

Manthong's picture

wb.. didn't mean to take away form the insightful parody. but I was just struck by the awesomeness of the ignorance and vapidity in the cabaret's audience more than the cartoon.

 

Aeternus's picture

A supremely mouth vomit inducing illustration William, Well done.

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deuC8GPr31A

Manthong's picture

damn... if she was that hot in real life...

um.. like her true value to society.. NOT.

Freddie's picture

Blythe needs a good you know what with a silver d*ldo.

LawsofPhysics's picture

"Crowning acheivement" - LMFAO!!!  Where can we buy that ZH keyboard insurance again, my god tylers...

dryam's picture

Damn it Zerohedge!  You've made my irritable bowel act up again.  Fuckers!

rosiescenario's picture

Funny, just got off the phone with an attorney with whom we were discussing bringing a case against BofA on these rigged SWAP's

Soda Popinski's picture

I would say Blythes' crowning achievement would be allowing me to buy Silver on the cheap.

ebworthen's picture

From linked comments by Blythe:

"As i mentioned earlier, our business is a client-driven business where we execute on behalf of clients..."

Yes my Dear, you do execute your clients, and their assets.

BTW - Oscar the Grouch says you're full of it.

Frank N. Beans's picture

Too bad she's on the wrong side, she's not bad looking

machineh's picture

That withering icy look of hers is enough to make your member invert inside your pelvis ... unless you tie a string around it.

ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

indeed a different sort of 'noodling'

TeamDepends's picture

I do believe Marsellus Morgan, my husband, your boss, told you to take ME out and do WHATEVER I WANT.  Now I wanna dance....

ebworthen's picture

She's a moaner and a back scratcher, I can tell.

I'd do her for 1,000 oz. of Silver.

teolawki's picture

Judas? Is that you? Apparently the price has gone up due to inflation.