Blythe Masters' Crowning Achievement: The Credit Default Swap

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As reported earlier, JPM's head commodity maven, Blythe Masters (her very rare public appearance can be seen here) suddenly finds herself in hot water for, among other things, allegedly lying under oath, obstructing justice and "engaging in a systematic cover up" to "approve schemes" seeking to defraud the states of California and Michigan in electricity trading (Enron flashbacks are more than welcome). So just who is Blythe? Most people on this site should be very familiar with her work by now (the NYT has a good recap), so instead of reconnecting the dots, we will once again dig up the presentation by one very young Ms. Master, introducing her then quite innovative product: the Credit Default Swap, titled appropriately enough "The J.P.Morgan Guide To Credit Derivatives" (by Blythe Masters). Because it is always best to let one's work speak.

 

h/t prophet

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Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:28 | 3527572 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

She'll be our next president with a promising resume like that.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:35 | 3527604 knukles
knukles's picture

Nobody of Blythe's stature from the Morgue is gonna be tried, imprisoned or subjected to permanent damage.  Maybe some of her charges down the rat-hole at the lower levels of the food chain... but nobody like Blythe. 
Hell, if they do that they might as well go for Jamie and revoke the bank's charter... which the PlaceHolder has officially said Is Not Gonna Fucking Happen.
Nor will Congress Let it Happen....
Too much money at stake.
Way too much money....

 

"But honest Congressman/Senator/Judge the analyst who put my briefing book together told me so, my traders told me so, the Risk Metrics System had bad coding, the.... etc, etc, etc, ad hoc, Vootie

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:41 | 3527636 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

 

It is all Blythe's fault.

Certainly not the banking oligarchs.

They need to hang her high.

Just like in the 1930s when FDR said that the 1929 crash and subsequent depresson was caused by "a few bad apples" requiring new financial regulation (hell, it wasn't the Fed & the Bank of England), Blythe will be fingered, Eric "fast and furious" & "too big to jail" Holder will propose new regulations, and everyone will go home happy that they've caught the perp in silver and gold manipulation.

CASE CLOSED.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3527674 Killtruck
Killtruck's picture

Regardless of her crimes, I'd still hit it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:46 | 3527686 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Lucifer was the most beautiful of God's angels.  Wake up dude.

 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:55 | 3527710 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I love Blythe, she's always reminded me of Faye Dunaway's character in 'Network.' Will be interesting to watch if this whole lying-under-oath thing actually gets her in trouble. 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:03 | 3527745 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Will she get "the Corzine" treatment or "the Madoff" treatment? My money is on "the Corzine".

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:09 | 3527763 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Corzine

Madoff

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:43 | 3527897 knukles
knukles's picture

Hell, the Federalies (We don't need no stinkin' badges*) already knew about Madoff.  It was he who turned himself in for all intents and purposes and they were thus forced to do something to Cover Their Asses to make like enforcing the law... Plus looked good.. like they were enforcing the law.

sigh...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:32 | 3528605 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

My guess is Kamala Harris will find Blythe to be too pretty and so will file charges against her.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:48 | 3528465 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture

 

FEDbuster:

 

Corzine

Madoff

 

Martha Stewart (Lying is the crime)

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:08 | 3528004 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Did-Not-Intend Card, Pass.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 19:40 | 3528978 NoClueSneaker
NoClueSneaker's picture

Hm, I think a love of the hunter for a baby seal fur . Without the witnesses, well there could be more than ZH wanting to clubb her without any trace of doubt .

I've seen enough of her. To smash her scull by the ocassion would be a human duty. The cunt is an monster ....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:04 | 3527715 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

What's wrong with uncle Lucie? He punishes the evil-doers, which is a hell of a job, while the Son is forgiving everybody, even JP and GS executives.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:39 | 3528160 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

I'd tap that.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:27 | 3527829 teolawki
teolawki's picture

Boy are you in for a surprise. Her man parts are bigger than yours.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:35 | 3527869 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

I'm still trying to figure out how her ear is like 18" from her face.  Perhaps it's her enormous evil brain.  Does she have custom hats made up for her?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:23 | 3528077 USisCorrupt
USisCorrupt's picture

I would not stick my prick in that Infected Hole!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 20:06 | 3529050 monoloco
monoloco's picture

Not even with Jamie Dimon's dick.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 21:19 | 3529217 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

welllll....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 22:56 | 3529427 HardwoodAg
HardwoodAg's picture

Dude, she's already fucked u.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:52 | 3527678 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

I find it interesting that the name itself, "Credit DEFAULT Swap", is associated with this manipulative lady.  "Credit" because there is no viable equity market, "default" because appreciation is done and only losses will be realized, and "swap" because banksters can't skim on the transaction unless there is churn.

As stated, she deserves ZERO respect for the global financial damage she has inflicted on billions in the name of personal bonuses and corporate profits.

One day she'll get what's coming to her.

 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:57 | 3527944 cifo
cifo's picture

"One day she'll get what's coming to her."

That's usually called karma.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:25 | 3527816 new game
new game's picture

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt, Bushes' fault!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:34 | 3527606 vmromk
vmromk's picture

Blythe Masters = C U N T

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:51 | 3527698 vmromk
vmromk's picture

Bernank, is that you leaving me negative ratings ?

Don't worry Bernank, your mother is a CUNT just as well.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:56 | 3528496 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Definitely.  Cuntus Maximus.  Or, she's just an ass hole.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:23 | 3527810 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

In the interest of sexual equality balance I would like to point out that she's also a D I C K

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:34 | 3527609 Aeternus
Aeternus's picture

Well, isn't that swell? Quite the achievement!

Where do they create these people? In a petri dish deep below the marriner eccles?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deuC8GPr31A

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:17 | 3527793 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

MISS FORTUNE 2013

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:48 | 3527881 Manthong
Manthong's picture

http://i.imgur.com/23zYxf5.jpg

 

sorry..dating myself..  "or grandparents"

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:57 | 3527943 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

+100 WB, oh - the nuance!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:23 | 3528344 Manthong
Manthong's picture

wb.. didn't mean to take away form the insightful parody. but I was just struck by the awesomeness of the ignorance and vapidity in the cabaret's audience more than the cartoon.

 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:45 | 3528195 Aeternus
Aeternus's picture

A supremely mouth vomit inducing illustration William, Well done.

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deuC8GPr31A

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:54 | 3527923 Manthong
Manthong's picture

damn... if she was that hot in real life...

um.. like her true value to society.. NOT.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:22 | 3528073 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

One of the scariest people alive!

 

http://sprottmoneyblog.com/

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:51 | 3528478 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Blythe needs a good you know what with a silver d*ldo.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:29 | 3527581 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Crowning acheivement" - LMFAO!!!  Where can we buy that ZH keyboard insurance again, my god tylers...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:29 | 3527583 dryam
dryam's picture

Damn it Zerohedge!  You've made my irritable bowel act up again.  Fuckers!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:30 | 3527584 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

Funny, just got off the phone with an attorney with whom we were discussing bringing a case against BofA on these rigged SWAP's

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:32 | 3527599 Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

I would say Blythes' crowning achievement would be allowing me to buy Silver on the cheap.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:05 | 3527613 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

From linked comments by Blythe:

"As i mentioned earlier, our business is a client-driven business where we execute on behalf of clients..."

Yes my Dear, you do execute your clients, and their assets.

BTW - Oscar the Grouch says you're full of it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:36 | 3527618 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Too bad she's on the wrong side, she's not bad looking

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:40 | 3527645 machineh
machineh's picture

That withering icy look of hers is enough to make your member invert inside your pelvis ... unless you tie a string around it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:53 | 3528251 ali-ali-al-qomfri
ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

indeed a different sort of 'noodling'

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:20 | 3527779 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

I do believe Marsellus Morgan, my husband, your boss, told you to take ME out and do WHATEVER I WANT.  Now I wanna dance....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:42 | 3527665 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

She's a moaner and a back scratcher, I can tell.

I'd do her for 1,000 oz. of Silver.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:20 | 3527802 teolawki
teolawki's picture

Judas? Is that you? Apparently the price has gone up due to inflation.

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