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Blythe Masters' Crowning Achievement: The Credit Default Swap

Tyler Durden's picture


As reported earlier, JPM's head commodity maven, Blythe Masters (her very rare public appearance can be seen here) suddenly finds herself in hot water for, among other things, allegedly lying under oath, obstructing justice and "engaging in a systematic cover up" to "approve schemes" seeking to defraud the states of California and Michigan in electricity trading (Enron flashbacks are more than welcome). So just who is Blythe? Most people on this site should be very familiar with her work by now (the NYT has a good recap), so instead of reconnecting the dots, we will once again dig up the presentation by one very young Ms. Master, introducing her then quite innovative product: the Credit Default Swap, titled appropriately enough "The J.P.Morgan Guide To Credit Derivatives" (by Blythe Masters). Because it is always best to let one's work speak.


h/t prophet


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Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:28 | 3527572 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

She'll be our next president with a promising resume like that.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:35 | 3527604 knukles
knukles's picture

Nobody of Blythe's stature from the Morgue is gonna be tried, imprisoned or subjected to permanent damage.  Maybe some of her charges down the rat-hole at the lower levels of the food chain... but nobody like Blythe. 
Hell, if they do that they might as well go for Jamie and revoke the bank's charter... which the PlaceHolder has officially said Is Not Gonna Fucking Happen.
Nor will Congress Let it Happen....
Too much money at stake.
Way too much money....


"But honest Congressman/Senator/Judge the analyst who put my briefing book together told me so, my traders told me so, the Risk Metrics System had bad coding, the.... etc, etc, etc, ad hoc, Vootie

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:41 | 3527636 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture


It is all Blythe's fault.

Certainly not the banking oligarchs.

They need to hang her high.

Just like in the 1930s when FDR said that the 1929 crash and subsequent depresson was caused by "a few bad apples" requiring new financial regulation (hell, it wasn't the Fed & the Bank of England), Blythe will be fingered, Eric "fast and furious" & "too big to jail" Holder will propose new regulations, and everyone will go home happy that they've caught the perp in silver and gold manipulation.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3527674 Killtruck
Killtruck's picture

Regardless of her crimes, I'd still hit it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:46 | 3527686 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Lucifer was the most beautiful of God's angels.  Wake up dude.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:55 | 3527710 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

I love Blythe, she's always reminded me of Faye Dunaway's character in 'Network.' Will be interesting to watch if this whole lying-under-oath thing actually gets her in trouble. 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:03 | 3527745 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Will she get "the Corzine" treatment or "the Madoff" treatment? My money is on "the Corzine".

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:09 | 3527763 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture



Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:43 | 3527897 knukles
knukles's picture

Hell, the Federalies (We don't need no stinkin' badges*) already knew about Madoff.  It was he who turned himself in for all intents and purposes and they were thus forced to do something to Cover Their Asses to make like enforcing the law... Plus looked good.. like they were enforcing the law.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:32 | 3528605 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

My guess is Kamala Harris will find Blythe to be too pretty and so will file charges against her.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:48 | 3528465 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture







Martha Stewart (Lying is the crime)

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:08 | 3528004 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Did-Not-Intend Card, Pass.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 19:40 | 3528978 NoClueSneaker
NoClueSneaker's picture

Hm, I think a love of the hunter for a baby seal fur . Without the witnesses, well there could be more than ZH wanting to clubb her without any trace of doubt .

I've seen enough of her. To smash her scull by the ocassion would be a human duty. The cunt is an monster ....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:04 | 3527715 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

What's wrong with uncle Lucie? He punishes the evil-doers, which is a hell of a job, while the Son is forgiving everybody, even JP and GS executives.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:39 | 3528160 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

I'd tap that.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:27 | 3527829 teolawki
teolawki's picture

Boy are you in for a surprise. Her man parts are bigger than yours.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:35 | 3527869 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

I'm still trying to figure out how her ear is like 18" from her face.  Perhaps it's her enormous evil brain.  Does she have custom hats made up for her?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:23 | 3528077 USisCorrupt
USisCorrupt's picture

I would not stick my prick in that Infected Hole!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 20:06 | 3529050 monoloco
monoloco's picture

Not even with Jamie Dimon's dick.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 21:19 | 3529217 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 22:56 | 3529427 HardwoodAg
HardwoodAg's picture

Dude, she's already fucked u.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:52 | 3527678 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

I find it interesting that the name itself, "Credit DEFAULT Swap", is associated with this manipulative lady.  "Credit" because there is no viable equity market, "default" because appreciation is done and only losses will be realized, and "swap" because banksters can't skim on the transaction unless there is churn.

As stated, she deserves ZERO respect for the global financial damage she has inflicted on billions in the name of personal bonuses and corporate profits.

One day she'll get what's coming to her.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:57 | 3527944 cifo
cifo's picture

"One day she'll get what's coming to her."

That's usually called karma.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:25 | 3527816 new game
new game's picture

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt, Bushes' fault!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:34 | 3527606 vmromk
vmromk's picture

Blythe Masters = C U N T

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:51 | 3527698 vmromk
vmromk's picture

Bernank, is that you leaving me negative ratings ?

Don't worry Bernank, your mother is a CUNT just as well.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:56 | 3528496 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Definitely.  Cuntus Maximus.  Or, she's just an ass hole.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:23 | 3527810 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

In the interest of sexual equality balance I would like to point out that she's also a D I C K

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:34 | 3527609 Aeternus
Aeternus's picture

Well, isn't that swell? Quite the achievement!

Where do they create these people? In a petri dish deep below the marriner eccles?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:17 | 3527793 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:48 | 3527881 Manthong
Manthong's picture myself..  "or grandparents"

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:57 | 3527943 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

+100 WB, oh - the nuance!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:23 | 3528344 Manthong
Manthong's picture

wb.. didn't mean to take away form the insightful parody. but I was just struck by the awesomeness of the ignorance and vapidity in the cabaret's audience more than the cartoon.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:45 | 3528195 Aeternus
Aeternus's picture

A supremely mouth vomit inducing illustration William, Well done.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:54 | 3527923 Manthong
Manthong's picture

damn... if she was that hot in real life...

um.. like her true value to society.. NOT.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:22 | 3528073 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

One of the scariest people alive!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:51 | 3528478 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Blythe needs a good you know what with a silver d*ldo.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:29 | 3527581 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Crowning acheivement" - LMFAO!!!  Where can we buy that ZH keyboard insurance again, my god tylers...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:29 | 3527583 dryam
dryam's picture

Damn it Zerohedge!  You've made my irritable bowel act up again.  Fuckers!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:30 | 3527584 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

Funny, just got off the phone with an attorney with whom we were discussing bringing a case against BofA on these rigged SWAP's

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:32 | 3527599 Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

I would say Blythes' crowning achievement would be allowing me to buy Silver on the cheap.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:05 | 3527613 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

From linked comments by Blythe:

"As i mentioned earlier, our business is a client-driven business where we execute on behalf of clients..."

Yes my Dear, you do execute your clients, and their assets.

BTW - Oscar the Grouch says you're full of it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:36 | 3527618 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Too bad she's on the wrong side, she's not bad looking

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:40 | 3527645 machineh
machineh's picture

That withering icy look of hers is enough to make your member invert inside your pelvis ... unless you tie a string around it.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:53 | 3528251 ali-ali-al-qomfri
ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

indeed a different sort of 'noodling'

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:20 | 3527779 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

I do believe Marsellus Morgan, my husband, your boss, told you to take ME out and do WHATEVER I WANT.  Now I wanna dance....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:42 | 3527665 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

She's a moaner and a back scratcher, I can tell.

I'd do her for 1,000 oz. of Silver.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:20 | 3527802 teolawki
teolawki's picture

Judas? Is that you? Apparently the price has gone up due to inflation.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:37 | 3527626 knukles
knukles's picture

Sure glad that all the innovative financial crap that I invented never caught on...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:38 | 3527630 FiatFapper
FiatFapper's picture

Watched the clip; what kind of bastardised mud-blood accent is that? It's English-Irish-American - pick a side ffs.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:38 | 3527634 centerline
centerline's picture

Inventor of high-grade synthetic financial crack.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:58 | 3527729 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Too much money chasing too little quality paper debt product, after the junk bond blow up, the emerging market blow-ups in SA, SEA, and Russia, something a little more synthetic was needed (even sheeple in pinstripes have their gullibility limits)... Commodities are a private club, and if you take a big piss in that pool, it certainly does trickle down to the po sheeple every time they buy food or groceries, so derivatives on credit products were a natural solution to the shortage of credit products in the wake of Ali G'span's 20 year tsunami of greenbacks. 

But you can just send your thanks to Grand Master Pimp Tricky Dick, without whom, none of this would have been possible.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:19 | 3528054 centerline
centerline's picture

+1.  The way I see it is that all is needed is to give greed a little breathing room and it will do exactly what you want it to do.  In this case buy the system a little more time.  A little more juice.  Cram debt down a little further each step.  Just reeeeelllllaaaxxxx the rules a little here and there (a la financial deregulation).

Organic yield dried long ago.  Synthetic yield cast the illusion of growth in it's place.  Rat race really picks up speed at the same time (what a coincidence).  But, eventually practical limits start getting hit.  Social limits, resource limits, debt saturation limits, etc.

Fuck...  this game is being played such that the perfect storm is going to occur.  Multiple limits being reached at once in an egotistical fury to attempt to escape basic laws of physics... having squandered real opportunities to advance as a species in the process.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:40 | 3527640 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

O.T. but related to paper PM's (things that are not what they seem):

"Rat meat sold as lamb in latest China food scandal"

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:58 | 3527722 i-dog
i-dog's picture

I've seen rats there that would give a good sized rack of lamb, or leg roast. Just sayin'....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:40 | 3527643 Maos Dog
Maos Dog's picture


Much ado about nothing.

Bitch knows where the bodies are buried

She will get as much jail time as corzine.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:43 | 3527664 centerline
centerline's picture

Exactly.  And precisely why the system will keep going right into some sort of event horizon.  It can't be stopped.  I won't be stopped.  It will just keep trucking along until the wheels fall off.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:14 | 3527783 teolawki
teolawki's picture

This is only to provide her cover to step down and retire to her underground bunker just before the SHTF.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:06 | 3527998 Debt-Is-Not-Money
Debt-Is-Not-Money's picture

Does she drive a car?

If so, my money's on an "auto accident"!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:40 | 3527646 Loukanika the r...
Loukanika the riot dog's picture

I would beast her. Do you reckon she has read 50 shades??

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:54 | 3527708 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

If she hasn't read it, maybe this school teacher can order her a copy:

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:45 | 3527654 Manthong
Manthong's picture

the lesson was not lost on benny boy..

fed swaps are what let the eu keep their books from spontaneously combusting in nov 2011..

mf’s are gonna eat themselves sooner or later

I like sooner  

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:42 | 3527655 azengrcat
azengrcat's picture

Technological innovations make everyone richer

Financial innovations make the rich richer

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:42 | 3527656 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture


May 3 (Reuters) - U.S. government investigators have found that JPMorgan Chase & Co had manipulated trading in the California and Michigan electricity markets, the New York Times reported.


The newspaper said it had reviewed a confidential, 70-page government document that was sent to JPMorgan in March and which also took aim at Blythe Masters, the bank's current head of global commodities and former chief financial officer.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:42 | 3527661 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

BFD, she invented a second book of hi-fangled fudge factor to plug up the implied losses on your first book.  It's a magical math megamorphorific box of chimp shit.  I can't wait to get to the future, it's a beautiful place where you always win.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3527673 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

She had me put my whole portfolio into Pork Buttocks -- just before the bottom dropped out. Bitch.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3527675 Herdee
Herdee's picture

Up in Calgary,Alberta is where Trans-Alta's head office is located.A bunch of electricity traders there were tied up in manipulating prices.The head trader was fired and it was hushed-up pretty tight by government too.I believe it was just a fine?I'm wondering if this story and the Trans-Alta situation is part of a much larger cross border scam that's been taking place across Canadian and U.S. borders in order to overcharge and rip-off consumers and business owners?I don't think U.S. authorities looked at this in Canada too much but Trans-Alta and others that trade electricity in Canada and do electricity trades with their American counterparts are listed in New York and own assets in the States.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:49 | 3527694 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I don't know about all that, but I do know that Con Ed in NYC is definitely cooking something.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3527677 Loukanika the r...
Loukanika the riot dog's picture

I wonder if she actually swallows??

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:47 | 3527687 Conax
Conax's picture

I invented the two-headed quarter.  Can I be an elitist shithead, too?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:47 | 3527688 pan
pan's picture


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:52 | 3527705 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

oh cool, her email is on there.  I'm gonna send her a pic of my cock.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:58 | 3527711 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Better be careful you might end up on some sort of watch list,   ;->

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:58 | 3527727 Jena
Jena's picture

Depends on how good the pic is.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:38 | 3528157 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Might get him a date! :-D

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:56 | 3528498 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture

heh. SEC watch-list. heh.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:06 | 3527753 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

Great idea.

I wonder if ParkAveFlaher has a similar plan.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:55 | 3527930 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Tweeting pictures, how modern

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:11 | 3527771 Kastorsky
Kastorsky's picture

flash mob!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:56 | 3528263 Croesus
Croesus's picture

@ Charles Nelson Reilly:

You better be careful....she might send you a picture of hers.

Sat, 05/04/2013 - 01:06 | 3529603 resurger
resurger's picture


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 13:57 | 3527720 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:02 | 3527744 bidaskspread
bidaskspread's picture

Wonder what was covered up to put her head on the block.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:26 | 3528095 WAMO556
WAMO556's picture


The soldiers and the law,
The pay offs and the rip offs,
And the things nobody saw.
No matter if it's heroin, cocaine, or hash,
You've got to carry weapons
Cause you always carry cash.
There's lots of shady characters, (Blythe Masters)
Lots of dirty deals.
Ev'ry name's an alias
In case somebody squeals.
It's the lure of easy money,
It's gotta very strong appeal.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:03 | 3527748 ekm
ekm's picture

Civil war inside JPM is going ahead.

I gave Dimon 50% survival rate before this, now I give him 30% survival rate.


Final battle: May 21st, shareholder meeting.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:04 | 3527749 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Lying under oath is not just a right, but in fact an obligation for a Cappo in the TBTF Mafia. Nothing will happen to her...other than a FABULOUS golden parachute.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:22 | 3527805 asscannon101
asscannon101's picture

Lying under oath and getting caught is a rich tradition raised to a fine art form by politicians everywhere. Because as everyone knows, "It all depends upon what your definition of "is", is..."

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:06 | 3527757 dot_bust
dot_bust's picture

Gee, I hope they don't call her "the talent." </sarcasm>

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:08 | 3527761 tardball
tardball's picture

Do you think that she bleaches her butthole? I think she does.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:14 | 3527764 Kastorsky
Kastorsky's picture

smelly pirate hooker


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:10 | 3527769 Cupid Stunt
Cupid Stunt's picture

If the regulator proceeds with an action based on the findings, it could fine JPMorgan and Ms. Masters, the article said. A spokesman for the bank, Kristin Lemkau, said: “We strongly dispute that Blythe Masters or any employee lied or acted inappropriately in this matter.”

Nothing to see here folks....Keep the sidewalk clear......

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:10 | 3527770 csmith
csmith's picture

One of her former best buds is now CEO of PNC Financial....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:17 | 3527791 asscannon101
asscannon101's picture

Credit Default Swap? I thought she invented the Cleveland Steamer?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:19 | 3527796 Kastorsky
Kastorsky's picture

There is another Queen of Shit crawled into administration of your shithead president - Penny Pritzker.


Billionaire Bankster Penny Pritzker
Breaks into Obama's Cabinet

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:27 | 3527824 optimator
optimator's picture

She's just a nice little Jewish girl from Oxford that fell in with the wrong crowd.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:28 | 3527831 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Folks give the Devil, also known to others as lucifer, Hades, the anti-christ etc a bad rap.  Dont forget he was a fallen angel who when cast down upon hell, then turned the other cheek and decided on instant and never ending retrebution on those who decived and destroyed others.

He is now the other worldly destroyer who punishes those who have wronged others.  Just incase you might read this blythe, he is waiting for you, with open arms.

For the device you unleashed on mankind 'Credit Default Swap', you will pay a price in the next world which you can never repay you cunt faced bitch whore of a dog.  And thats only being held up by you being protected by others that will join you on a never ending journey into the abyss.

The only thing more I would love to see happen to a craven lunatic money vixen like you is seeing you squirm as someone peels you alive.

Well we can all fantasize a bit though eh?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:31 | 3527846 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Her colleagues quit the Morgue because of their consciences after the crash and after they had made enough money. Blythe couldn't get enough and went for the gold. Now it is time to burn the witch. 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:33 | 3527857 Volaille de Bresse
Volaille de Bresse's picture

When the SHTF in the banking system Masters will be a patsy like Lee Harvey Oswald was in the JFK conspiracy. She'll be blamed for everything and anything then she'll be disposed of. 

The good thing she probably has a few "cookies" hidden in a safe in Switzerland and she'll certainly use them to make sure she's not the only one to fall. 

THIS is going to be entertaining!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:51 | 3527918 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

We need a head.  If not Dimon, hang the bitch with piana wire and make Dimon watch!

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:49 | 3527914 kragsquest
kragsquest's picture

Some reasons why it is exceedingly unlikely that they will go after her with anything but the soft glove treatment; she is a minority, a female with a Jewish name; plus there are thousands ready to fill her shoes and do what it takes to make all those millions.  Too bad the libertarians are kind of clueless when it comes to law enforcement; "legalize freedom" and two wrongs always make a right in their minds, because of the FED.....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 21:43 | 3529278 Umh
Umh's picture

That's three lefts.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:53 | 3527922 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Actually, her "crowning achivement" may be to join witness protection.........

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 14:59 | 3527958 PubliusTacitus
PubliusTacitus's picture

Yes, but defrauding Michigan and California is community service.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 19:54 | 3529022 Mike in GA
Mike in GA's picture

LOL man! 

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:04 | 3527989 Radical Marijuana
Radical Marijuana's picture

It is awesome to listen to these kinds of talented professional liars, especially the more creative brilliance they have! Since the whole system is organized lies, operating organized robberies, those who do that best are astonishingly gifted!

Most of the comments above concur that she and her bank may receive a token fine, but otherwise will get to keep most of the profits that they made. In that case, this story is just another manifestation of the runaway triumph of financial frauds, having already profoundly taken control of the government in the past. These days, the most likely probable futures become influencing the political puppets to change the laws to enable more frauds in the future, by legalizing those. That is the fundamental basis of what has been happening. Governments have been captured, in order to legalize lies, and back those up with legalized violence. Those who push the envelope by doing things that are still technically illegal, on the larger scales, tend to mostly get away with doing that, and they tend to later be able to get the laws changed to legalize their activities in the future. They do not tend to be actually punished in any significant ways for having broken the laws that still were in place against their activities, as long as they committed crimes on a big enough scale.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:13 | 3528027 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Nothing will happen to her because in this perverted, corrupt, criminal environment we find ourselves in, "Blythe Makes Right" - Sorry, that's just the way it is......

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:24 | 3528078 W T F II
W T F II's picture

Once young Miss Blythe learned to master leverage the World was her oyster.

The risk for JP M is; "how many call options on Chinese "Lamb" futures are they actually LONG and, further, how much leverage did young Miss Blythe employ to corner such a lucrative market, which will obviously benefit from the insaitable Chinese appetite for MORE MEAT..."...???

I heard she named the product "Willard" for security's sake...

Have we gone from "The London Whale" to "The Park Avenue Rodent"..?? Arguably, she does look a little 'mousy', doesn't she..??


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:36 | 3528141 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

About suffering they were never wrong,
The old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position: how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.


In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water, and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on. ~ Auden


I have the feeling, that despite the minutes of hate, she is rather too high a target to be taken.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:35 | 3528145 kragsquest
kragsquest's picture

Where was the Wall St Urinal in covering this big issue all these years, JP Morgue, the Rottenfellers, Rotschilds, Carnegie and American Steal???

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:53 | 3528248 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Umm... throating their cocks?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:39 | 3528165 unky
unky's picture

does anyone have the above document as pdf file?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:08 | 3528316 Ourrulersknowbest
Ourrulersknowbest's picture
Good fucking luck reading this shit

Sat, 05/04/2013 - 08:41 | 3529828 unky
unky's picture


not that easy to read, i agree.

but something for long winter nights...

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:51 | 3528180 SqueekyFromm
SqueekyFromm's picture

You know, if a lender feels they have to hedge their risk on a loan or deal, with a 5 or 10 year derivative product, maybe they should never have made the loan or deal in the first place. That seems to be one of the real conceptual problems with this whole derivative thingie. Particularly when somebody gets to make a commission on the original deal. The inertial nudge is to made the deal no matter what, and then try to CYA with a derivative. Meanwhile, blow the commission money on whatever, and if the original loan blows up, or the derivative counterparty hasn't got the reserves, tough shit for everybody BUT the salesman.

Which leads to an Irish Poem, about how the financial world will end:

Critical Mess

Trader Joe got a big, huge commission,

In spite of a glaring omission.

That Big Ape in the room,

Caused the deal to go BOOM!

Starting Notional Nuclear Fission.


Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:44 | 3528186 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

All you need to know about Credit Default Swaps.

If a business can insure itself against losses, than what incentive does that business have to avoid losses?



In-fact, one might say it would be "profitable" to take a "loss" on purpose ;) by making horrible bets.

This country is going to burn.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 15:54 | 3528231 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Jamie says "Jump". Whoreboy Holder says "how high?"

Not really liking the odds of a Masters prosecution here.



Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:06 | 3528303 Ourrulersknowbest
Ourrulersknowbest's picture

Christ ,has anyone read this crap jpm guide to Micky mouse made up shit?
I tried and my head is spinning after 20 pages.
That nice lady from jpm must be real a real could anything go wrong?.....

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:16 | 3528349 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Sentence:  Death by Bunga Bunga.



Same for that toxic asshole Jamie D.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 21:25 | 3529235 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Buckwheats is the best sentence.
Buckwheats. All of them.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:24 | 3528375 Conax
Conax's picture

I just muddled through about 2/3 of that 'presentation' up there. 

Whoa.  I'ma do shots until I'm seeing double to clear the buffers.

They must learn this newspeak doubletalk in financial clown college.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:37 | 3528433 Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

It all went wrong when women decided that equality equated to them behaving like men.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:42 | 3528449 vincent
vincent's picture

First sentence...

"Aided and abetted"


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 16:53 | 3528484 Hail Spode
Hail Spode's picture

I guess her middle name is Patsy.


Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:01 | 3528512 W74
W74's picture

She looks OLD for being only 44.  Must be all the alcohol and cock she ingests to compensate for the lack of a soul.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:05 | 3528526 cheetahbaby
cheetahbaby's picture

At least she cleaned up her act though. One hears that she no longer sucks dick immediately after a savage ass fucking. Heard she prefers Nigerians....CB

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 17:07 | 3528535 ajax
ajax's picture




FT''s Gillian Tett got there before anyone else, "Fool's Gold":


Fuck all these corporate tossers, give me Marc Rich.

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 18:31 | 3528763 Herkimer Jerkimer
Herkimer Jerkimer's picture





Sounds like the NoamChomsky bot wrote this crap.



Fri, 05/03/2013 - 18:32 | 3528768 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Did The Turd predict the fall of Wicked Witch Blythe Masters exactly two years ago?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 18:46 | 3528815 dadichris
dadichris's picture

So the Bank that invented credit default swaps (and understood their implications) was the only bank to pull back before the crash.  By coincidence or design?

Fri, 05/03/2013 - 22:13 | 3529339 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

As we know with the LIBOR rate rigging, buyers of the swaps were conned into believeing they needed them to protect from interest rate increases.


And then just a few days ago we also learn the the largest firm selling the SWAPS conspired with 15 banks in the U.S. (you know who they are) to fix the price on these SWAPS.

Sat, 05/04/2013 - 11:01 | 3529941 widget
widget's picture

When it takes 88 pages to explain why I should buy a product I tend become sceptic.

Sat, 05/04/2013 - 11:55 | 3529998 Josey Montana
Josey Montana's picture

The language of the summary sounds like a scripted line from the DA's office in "Law and Order".


Should make fun reading at trial.

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