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Tuesday Humor: Jersey Truck Driver Sneezes, Loses Control, Slams Into Home
Since it is Tuesday, and since the bubble formerly known as the "stock market" is once again completely disconnected from reality, fundamentals, math, logic, gravity and everything else, and watching its relentless climb higher on nothing but central bank liquidity tsunami and attempts to hit any remaining upside ES stops is about as exciting as watching Bernanke print electronic money, here is a small diversion courtesy of @911Buff:
- NEW JERSEY: PHOTO - GARBAGE TRUCK DRIVER SNEEZED, LOST CONTROL AND SLAMMED INTO HOME.
And the result...
Somehow we are confident that GETCO's headline scanning algos just interpreted this as stimulative of US Q2 GDP, and pushed the S&P to another all time high, even as the S&P is approaching a nausea-inducing 17x multiple on ever-declining 2013 forward S&P earnings.
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GDP positive!
Moar broken windows, pleez!
Tuesday Humor: Anyone reads ZH and believes anything it says. Dow 15,000 and ZH still waiting for the collapse.
Bwaaa haaaa haaaaa haaaa........I don't get it, and yet here you are.
just causin' trouble.
Yer not very good at it.
Coherence is your friend. ;)
but look how much less damage that causes than the monthly Bernanke fiat fart.
With regard to the collapse happening... Hogan is missing the point -- This is the collapse. We are witnessing it now. Its hard to see because our expectations are constantly changing. There can be no doubt that 2011 was worse than 2010, 2012 was worse than 2011, and now 2013 is even worse than 2012.
Think about what we've seen just since 2010: 3 more rounds of QE (with QE5 now being hinted at), completely and totally stagnant jobs numbers, a rapid increase in the number of people on Food Stamps (I'm going for memory but my guess is 10 million+ over 3 years), geopolitical tension not seen since the Soviet Union was still around, martial law in Boston, the NDAA, warantless wiretaps, "bail-ins" mass ammo purchases, etc. etc.
This is a new paradigm, but expectations shift so rapidly that its hard to see how radical the times we live in really are. With regard to a more dramatic collapse, never underestimate the establishment's ability to kick the can. They've been at it for 30 or 40 years now and they definitely have plans for more QE, lockdowns, etc.
In the meantime, keep an eye on the medical system. It's soooo disfunctional that if we have a sudden crisis, my guess is it will start there (or at least pick up significant momentum there). The CBO thinks we will double medical spending from $850 billion today to $1.6 trillion by 2020. That will not happen. Cutting back even a little however will collapse the economy. It's a catch-22 and its only a matter of time before that one blows up.
Great comment, especially, "This is the collapse..."
I don't think that the crisis will come out of the medical system--probably PMs or an algo gone rogue ("Do you want to play a game?")--but your thoughts on that are interesting. hujel
Ha ha. Human interest story. I'm now distracted.
but but but unemployment is down and the Dow is hitting new highs....... housing is even recovering.....
aren't you watching TV or reading the papers?
Help me remember... what happened the last time the Dow was up at these levels? And the time before? Yeah... that's what I thought.
1995-2000 = The party, bitches.
2000-2013 = The pathetic repeated failed attempts at another party.
http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=%5EDJI&t=my&l=on&z=l&q=l&c=
Wrong--
1971-2000 Partyyyyy..
Those are excellent points. If you could boil that down to 140 characters or less, you might get some people's attention.
(Sung to Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine")
Welcome my son, welcome to, the collapse...
Remember. You are the boiling frog. Wake and look at the water around you, those bubbles aren't coming from the beans you ate!
Yes, this is the new-[NOT]-normal, a lot more could be added to your list.
But we still have all the political baggage of the old-normal clinging-on, like an old dag of excrement stuck to a sheep's woolly buttocks.
And the old-normals politics/policies are fundamentally incompatible with the new-normal (as we're increasingly seeing).
They're just doing everything they can to try and prevent people from realizing this, but they hope they've bought enough bullets for when they finally do.
That is a terrifying (but accurate) way to put it.
I choose to remember the hulk the way we all should. Body slamming andre the giant. I just can't allow myself to see the depths he has fallen to.
I hope that was Krugman's home; he should be very stimulated
Since it is Tuesday, and since the bubble formerly known as the "stock market" is once again completely disconnected from reality, fundamentals, math, logic, gravity and everything else
Math?? Now there's a barbarous relic!
Feel bad for this truck driver.
Why? Was it his house?
He's from Jersey? What exit?
"Math?? Now there's a barbarous relic!"
Math? We don't need no stinkin' math. We just needs to count. Hey, Benny, can you pass me a few more of them zeros...
You can laugh if you can time your jump to get out before the SHTF. Stop by after that and let us all know how that works out. Until then, STFU.
Ya why didn't are forefathers figure this out...you just print and borrow and everything will be better. How simple is that... No longterm reprecussions...everyone just get magically richer while government borrowing goes to jupiter. Do you really believe there aren't problem build right now? I remember in 2004 discussing real estate broker in NY telling him that things were going to implode....he said all was fine. Who was right?
They did. It was called the Continental, and they printed the hell out of it.
They had the same problems, hence the saying, "not worth a Continental."
"History does not repeat, government does.". hujel
HH, neither an "up", or "down" here. I hear what you are saying, and if you've been in the S&P since 666, more power to you, bro. Dow at...... 20000..40000.... 100000.... who knows, does it make any difference? When this mother-fucker turns, and I guarantee that it will, it will happen so fast that it will suck the wind out of your body. Think of a punch to the solar plexus(if you've ever had one, you'll know what I mean). I watched in awe on Black Monday, October, 19, 1987, at the total collapse of bids for stocks that day. I can envision a scenario like that happening now, where one of these HFT companies disappears, or goes into a weird algo that starts shorting stocks(or going long) in some massive scale and blows the whole fucking thing up. In a scenario like that, with stocks going bidless(or meaningless bids with a worthless currency), and everyone trying to exit, you are trapped, and fucked if you are levered. At what level it happens,and when it happens, I have no idea. But it will happen.
Go over to CNBC and join Bernanke's fight club. This one's for men.
I read ZH. Am convinced by much of what I read and yet I'm long equities, AAPL and BAC included. This merry go round will spin much faster before all riders are bucked. And at that point, bucked or fucked it won't matter. We're all going to get "buck" fucked in the end, might as well enjoy the ride in the meantime.
The good thing about this attitude, is I have no trouble spending fiat on the good stuff, hookers, blow, great scotch, good food. The stuff that makes this shit tolerable.
sneezed once in the bathroom. lost control of my dick and pissed all over the floor. hella sneeze too. eyes crossed, light headed, disorientated. worst part, im one of those that have a complete body spasm when they sneeze. its like an african breakdancing seizure, while your taking a piss.
Doesn't BernanQE live in New Jersey?
i think he lives in DC. we've taken enough abuse as a state, please dont lump in the bearded clam with the rest of our citizenry
It's a shame that we cannot take Chris Christie's stomach band thing and wrap it tight around Jon Corzine's neck. Ditto those two slimeball NJ senators.
BernanQE=Brilliant!
pods
No - he lives in a crypt beneath the US Capitol. He's totally safe from garbae truck but he's in costant danger of drowning in all the bullshit rolling down from above.
Is that a BAC logo on the side of that rig?
Gesundheit.
I always wanted to know how to spell that.
"That's okay kid. I steer can't say, Chevroray."
I miss Joe Isuzu.
I usually say "GoesInTight" and see if anyone notices.
Broken House Theory.
Because just a window won't cut it anymore.
Krugman has a boner
Don't be silly --- court eunuchs can't have boners.
Don't sneeze Bernanke the stock market might turn into a trash truck.
Hopefully he managed to wipe that white stuff off the dashboard before the cops showed up.
Broken window theory
Bullish!
Sopranos' Redux.
Fully explains the rise in USG....guess uncle Warren got it right....
Did the garbage survive?
yeah, it was full of bonds
Thx for the LOL.
Ask Blythe Masters
The Fed bought the whole load at par, then sold it for $.01 on the dollar to JPM, who then collateralized it and rolled it to hapless fund managers dying for yield any kind of yield at any risk please!
Cyprus, seeing an opportunity, is going house-to-house even as I write this, bailing-in peoples' waste stream and giving them Cypriot bank shares in exchange. The riots are already setting Athens ablaze.
Spain not to be outdone has just in the last 15 minutes nationalized all garbage pickup, required citizens to take their garbage to the nearest police station for collection, from which it will be escorted under armed guard to the president's palace and from there in his personal luggage onto a private jet bound for Cuba.
Obama is in private, scrambled phone session with Jon Corzine to make sure the administration isn't exposed on this one.
A good reminder to set something outside at xmas for your garbage men.
like what?
concrete parking poles from the convenience store?
Why is it that they never take out a banker?
Hard to get the garbage truck up to the penthouse.
(Bad taste):
Just park the garbage truck on the street below the 134th floor penthouse window...
Professional courtesy?
Nope, garbage man > bankster. The garbage man actually provides a service.
Garbage man hauls trash away.
Banker creates trash.
(version 2: Banker is trash).
nope, im flat out calling this a gambling debt.
just a friendly reminder.
knock knock
who's there?
vito
vito who?
vito. the guy that told you not to bet on the knicks, cause if you lose ill run a fuckin garbage truck through your fuckin house....got it?
.....member dat?
Creative destruction! Krugman is actively, "encouraging more of this sort of economic opportunity." BI Joe is reported to have wet himself over the possibility for reconstruction spending coming out of Congress. Fucking hilarious - thanks for the distraction ZH :-)
Is a garbage truck full of waste paper ramming into a home a metaphor for our banking system and housing market?
It's a metaphor for a corruption-ridden disaster and the lives of our families.
It was actually a delivery of bank collateral. This is serious!
I think the term you're searching for is "modern economy."
A cruise missile crashing into the Fed. would be funnier...
Goldman said cash in your junk bonds and park it in real estate!
Speaking of Jersey I see that fat bastard Christie got lap band surgery to make him more physically eye-appealing for 2016- another big gov RINO to go up against that NWO dyke. God help us.
{ lol} That was a good post otto. And true I might add. I can't wait to see how the MSM -AKA- Koi Pond, spins this B/S ramp today.
A RINO worthy of the name!
Surely we want another sociopath with ZERO self control at the helm of this empire.
Christie will be a front runner until the last debate when under duress he shouts:
"I ATE A BABY!"
pods
I wish he'd eat Bloomberg...
What do you think punkass tastes like anyway?
An old bicycle tire innertube. ;-)
Trans fats and a Big Gulp. :)
Baby, hell. He's wide enough to have swallowed Kim Kardashian's Ass.
Nobody's that wide.
So is the lap band surgery working for Christie? I saw footage of him and he still looks pretty fat. But maybe he used to be fatter?
From a elite, ruling POV, this surgery surprises me.
Why not just go with a new vomitorium?
"Get in mah bellay!"
This is clearly a positive sign for the Dow!
Moar stocks, please!
This kind of story will be funnier in September when the Dow:Gold ratio is making new cycle lows around 5. Really a lot funnier.
Probably just a promotional pic from Warren's Norfolk railroad line!
Bernanke sneezes, looses control, Dimon injured.
Nothing a little Reconstructive Reattachment Surgery won't fix.
I have no doubt if a garbage truck crashed into my house that my wife would find a way to blame me for it. I am not sure if that is considered OT or not.
No, that's spot on topic.
If a garbage truck crashed into your house my wife would find a way to blame me.
Man I hope we all end up in the same FEMA camp.
Good times!
pods
C'mon Fonz, you know the drill...
When you hear that screech "WTF!"
Run and jump under the truck and start moaning.
Out of Control Garbage Truck = Obama led Oligarchy
Smoldering pile of Ruins = (Formerly) US Economy
Is Bernanke taking responsibility for the S&P500 bubble?
What will those at the Fed say when the stock market crashes?
"Finally! Gotcha sucker!"
.
i hope hes union. that way he will only receive a warning to never sneeze again. his poor "colleagues" will now have to endure a 30 minute class on "sneezing while at the wheel".
"Ben dear, did you pay the garbage bill this month?"
"No sweet cheeks, I have been busy printing and forgot, why?" Ctl-P, Ctl-P...
"Well dear, they are out front and now we have trash on the lawn"
Looking out window, "Damn,_______________"
Looking out window, "Damn, they could've at least waited 'til I mowed."
.
I'm old enough to remember when the most scandalous thing to occur in the financial world was Robert Campeau's acquisition of Brooks Brothers.
Ahh, for the good old days...
Would be fun if the truck was loaded with freshly printed $5000,- bills, blown through the streets by the wind.
That only happens when a helicopter pilot sneezes and crashes into your house.
Bullish!
Or is it "bullshit!"? I always get those two mixed up...
Anyways, long garbage, short New Jersey.
The stock market is connected to the only thing it needs to be connected to - Benbucks.
New Jersey...garbage tuck...slams into home...apparently even the mafia can't find ammo for their hits.
That's Funny right there!
Someone must have been very upset about my "Rosemary's baby" comment...don't worry, never had anything to do with TOTUS, i just love namedropping as a metaphysical bountyhounter...
Don't pick on the truck driver. I shit you not, the closest I have come to death outside of my 6 years in the military was when I had an uncontrolled sneezing attack on a dual carriage way road. Missed a semi by inches when my eyes closed and head jerked for a string of hay fever sneezes! Fucking scary!
Damn. Take your Claritin!
Driving through Kansas in '05 I think I drive through a cloud of pesticides or something because my eyes suddenly started watering and were forced shut very quickly in that pepper-spray-sort-of-way, before I could slow to a halt on what I hoped was the side of the road.
No kidding. Out in the middle of nowhere about 4 am.
Scary thing to suddenly loose eyesight at ~75 mph..
I was hoping it was Corzine's house.
bullish for market.
insurance stocks must move 5 percent upwards on this as someones insurance is going to rise here, more workers are going to get jobs now fixing this house, meaning we should easily see 500,000 jobs added for next months jobs report, and housing should boom now, as a new house will be built possibly.
all bullish
Oh dear.
Tuesay humour via 96,
This bloke in driving along minding his own business when he smashes into the back of another car, while fucking about with the radio like.
The bloke gets out and it turns out hes a dwarf, he says to the crashee, 'I'm not happy mind', and the bloke quick as a flash says, 'Really? Which one are you then?'.
And heres another while I remember it.
Two ants are looking over a womans body when they stumble upon the nether regions and find two inviting caves. The first one says to the second one, 'You go search, that cave, I'll go have a look in this one, we meet back in an hour', off they go, and an hour later they meet back back up.
Ant 1, 'How did it go?', 'Spot on mate, it was lovely and moist, and warm and smelled very clean, and pink, how did you get on?'
Ant 2, 'Fucking terrible mate, at first it was OK, but after a little walk it got sticky and slow, I got covered in this brown sticky stinking stuff, and then to top it off, some fucking baldy bloke started head butting me, and then spitting on me'.
Bitchez, enjoy your day.
If Corzine was driving, the homeowner is screwed. hujel
and/or plot line for Sopranos reunion episode?
BREAKING. The driver of the truck, a rastafarian calling himself, Doctor Krug, will be awarded the congressional medal of honor for stimulating the economy by 100bps, in tangible and intangible categories. A new category to the gdp was also created by the noise of the crash equating to a further 100bps in "sonic contribution to the national economy".
The president urged fellow Americans to do their patriotic duty this week by screaming and shouting at each other to keep the momentum of growth in the economy.
In international news, president Assad of the Syrian regime denied using his crack pipe to murder a newly born blonde baby, despite evidence presented by intelligence sources in Israel.......
Alergy season .... garbabage all day .... kaaachuuuu .... smash
That should read "Garbage Truck Driver Snorted" not "Sneezed"
Nothing like some Peruvian marching powder to lighten up the load in the fair Garden State.
That's one way of getting out of your underwater mortgage.
I know someone who used to defend NYC against lawsuits from citizens...trip and falls on sidewalks, fire truck damage to citizen cars etc...Public Works guys were the CRAZIEST! half drunk, half coked out of their gourd; driving those big trucks on 3 hours sleep after benders the night before
yeah...a sneeze
I will say that contract city snow plowing was a blast with a quart of booze 40 years ago.
Did you know that a plow blade hitting a car sounds just like a plow blade on asphalt?
Maybe a bit crunchier.
So the guy goes to his banker for a business start up loan and wants to put his home up as collateral...after the banker stops laughing he asks him if he had thought about selling a kidney in Hong Kong.