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JP Morgan Has Zero Trading Losses In The First Quarter

Tyler Durden's picture


Earlier it was Bank of America reporting a perfect trading quarter, with profitability on 60 out of 60 trading days, and now it is JPMorgan's turn. Moments ago, Jamie Dimon's firm filed a 10-Q in which, among other things, it announced than in the quarter ended March 31, it was profitable on 63 out of 63 trading days and had one day in which it gained more than $200 million, or said simply another case of trading perfection unmatched anywhere in the known universe except perhaps by sellers of newsletters on Twitter. It was not immediately clear why JPM got a freebie of three extra profitable trading days in the quarter compared to BofA, although we suspect Jamie Dimon's presidential cufflinks may have something to do with it. What is clear is that the probability of one firm trading without error for an entire quarter, let alone two (and soon more as other banks file their 10-Qs) is slim to quite slim. Although not nearly as slim as whoever the hot chick is on Dancing with the Stars this season, which we are confident is the only thing the bulk of the population cares about. For everyone else, there's E(rror free)-trade.

Going further back in time, we find that JPM had a winning trading accuracy of:

  • 84.3% in 2012
  • 89.6% in 2011
  • 95.0% in 2010
  • 83.9% in 2009

This compares to Bank of America's:

  • 97.6% in 2012
  • 85.6% in 2011
  • 90.0% in 2010
  • 88.0% in 2009

Or, since 2009, BAC's winning trade hit rate is somehow even better than that of JPM, at 90.8% compared to 88.9% for the firm that is in charge of Tri-Party repo. The chances of this occurring, considering the traders at Bank of America (including those from Merrill) are the butt of every joke on Wall Street and certainly far inferior to the traders from a firm which until the London Whale assumed it had an unlimited balance sheet, are also slim to quite slim.

Perhaps related to all of the above, and for those curious if the recent reports of regulatory action against Blythe Masters will lead to anything, this is what the firm had to say about its ongoing legal entanglement with FERC:

FERC Matters. The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (the “FERC”) is investigating the Firm’s bidding practices in certain organized power markets. In March 2013, the Firm received a Wells-type notice that the FERC staff intends to recommend that the Commission bring a possible enforcement action against J.P. Morgan Ventures Energy Corp. (“JPMVEC”), JPMorgan Chase & Co. and certain Firm personnel relating to alleged violations of FERC rules and the rules of certain independent system operators. Additionally, in November 2012, the FERC issued an Order suspending JPMVEC’s market-based rate authority for six months commencing on April 1, 2013, based on its finding that statements concerning discovery obligations made in submissions related to the FERC investigation violated FERC rules regarding misleading information.

The first to figure out what a "Wells-type" notice is (a Wells notice that is not really a Wells notice if one has presidential cufflinks perhaps?) gets a tour of the JPMorgan gold vault. As for anyone harboring any hope that Blythe Masters may spend even a minute in prison, your chance of seeing the JPM gold vault first hand is equally high.


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Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:37 | 3542646 W T F II
W T F II's picture

They are excellent at what they do.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:43 | 3542673 uno
uno's picture

Enron used to be good like this, whatever happened to them, did they change name to JPM

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:45 | 3542685 Stackers
Stackers's picture

wow, these guys are almost as good as DC politicians are at investing and trading.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:47 | 3542697 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Like shooting fish in a fucking barrel.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:55 | 3542729 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Got a hunch they are skinning one hell of a lot of muppets, pension funds...alive.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:29 | 3542815 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

That's why Jamie has more money than you.  He even told you so.

This shit needs to end.



Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:47 | 3542872 NewThor
NewThor's picture


I made a video for ZEROHEDGE

Dow 15000 Now. Dow 20000 Soon. Who can fight the beast?




Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:17 | 3542927 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

How long before we see ads in the wee hours of the morning imploring us to buy JP Morgan's six CD set, "Learn to trade the Jamie Dimon way".

If not that, maybe we'll get links in ZH posts redirecting us to work from home processing JPM's successful trades. We'll read how someone's mother's sisters cousin made X dollars by using the Jamie Dimon trading system.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:22 | 3542940 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

'A Wells-type notice' doesn't disrupt the algorithms, I guess.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:34 | 3543148 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

I watched it and liked it.  I'm pleased to see you are from TX.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 22:43 | 3543446 Next to Arch Stanton
Next to Arch Stanton's picture

Enjoyed the video - perhaps on your next one, you could slow down the pace of the images.  I wanted to read the captions on each one.   Had trouble listening and looking at same time, but that could be my special issue.

Thu, 05/09/2013 - 03:37 | 3543783 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

NewThor said:

I made a video for ZEROHEDGE

Dow 15000 Now. Dow 20000 Soon. Who can fight the beast?


Good job.

I was sort of expecting it to end with a musical outro using this song:

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:02 | 3542758 johnnymustardseed
johnnymustardseed's picture

When you get free money from the FED. How could you not make money?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:19 | 3542786 tdag
tdag's picture

That's about as surprising as a hooker with crabs.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:29 | 3542825 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

That's why they all shave the kitty these days, it keeps the crabs in the ocean. 

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:12 | 3542782 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

And don't forget Madoff! He had an unmatched winning streak. We jsut need to follow around uncle Warren and everything should be good.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:24 | 3542945 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

they also used to create subsidiaries, loan them money, then list that as assets on their books. I wish I coud be that successful. I think the only thing Enron and JP have not done is kidnap girls and lead them around the backyard in dog collars, but I can't be sure

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:48 | 3542702 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

At this point, they are all just rubbing our noses in it.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:38 | 3542993 max2205
max2205's picture

The sec would be at your door if you hit 100%. But not the ultimate insiders. This shit is fucked up man

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 22:58 | 3543479 philipat
philipat's picture

And here was I believing that Prop Trading had been banned. Perhaps they meant "Hedging client positions". According to Blythe "We don't take diectional positions. It would be wrong and we don't do it".

Thu, 05/09/2013 - 02:02 | 3543742 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Spooky, its as if all trading is now done by computer, human error removed................... that's ridiculas!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:37 | 3542647 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Insider trading makes you a genius.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:20 | 3542800 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Well, when you're the one who's running the Three-card Monte game, you damned well better know which card is the queen.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:36 | 3542841 SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Is this clean P&L, Tyler?  If not and it includes market making P&L, you would expect to be profitable well over 90% of the time, especially for a diversified IB.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:02 | 3542904 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

Of course this relates (mostly) to their market-making activities, discretionary plays a very small role (a la CIO office...). Not hard to be constantly profitable when youre buying on the bid and selling on the offer, especially in which case for illiquid assets YOU dictate what they are exactly. A shame that readers outside the industry won't understand this.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:15 | 3542924 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Moregaine: Guaranteed to prevent trading loss on 63 out of 60 days..

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:26 | 3542955 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Buying the bid means:  I name the price, then I pay it. 

Selling at ask: I sell for the asking price.  I do not sell at the price you are bidding = aka market value.

What you are saying is they fill the orders, they manipulate the market, and they take the best 'deals' for themself, right?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:21 | 3542937 SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Yeah that was my interpretation.   Which makes this the whole article seem shrill.

The irony is that the more you force IBs to shed prop risk (ala Volcker), the more you would expect to see daily revenues approach 100% positive.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:26 | 3542958 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

That's weird cause Jamie told me that being a genuis is what makes you an insider trader

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:55 | 3543045 HeavyShadow
HeavyShadow's picture

They know how to eat the face off a muppett, no doubt...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:38 | 3542652 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

These guys are the biggest crooks to ever walk the Earth.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:46 | 3542688 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Close.  That honor goes to none other than Ben Bernanke...with Abe/Koroda trying to move up and take that title from him.

As always, thank you Ben Bernanke for this wasteland you have made for us, for destroying return on our savings, and for helping DC and giant crony capitalistic companies break the back of the true employers in this country...small business.  Oh...and hell of a job there...destroying the purchasing power of your currency, too.  

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:59 | 3542746 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Let's indict/citizen arrest him and prosecute him in Jackson Hole, cowboy style.  Yee-haw!!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:12 | 3542780 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

Do it and lets all see how quickly you get Dzhokhar-ed™

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:43 | 3542862 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

So what?  Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:50 | 3542877 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

I totally agree with you as long as you ensure that you actually die. Being tortured and eventually suicided by the feds isn't the way I want to go out.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:49 | 3542708 W T F II
W T F II's picture

"biggest" is just a term inflated by the inordinate growth in M2

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:39 | 3542659 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

The Squid for the Trifecta?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:44 | 3542679 Major Major Major
Major Major Major's picture

You are kidding, right?  Goldman will be profitable on 65 out of 63 trading days.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:00 | 3543053 HeavyShadow
HeavyShadow's picture

Huh? That's not right...there is two extra days in'd have to create th...oh wait...sorry...they're doing Gods work...laws of time and physics do not apply here...


My apologies.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:41 | 3542668 Mojeaux18
Mojeaux18's picture

Well isn't it based on what you intended to do?

"I meant to lose money today." or "We lost money in that stock so we lowered our risk."

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:41 | 3542669 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

May I ask the tinfoilhatquestion: why doesn't their advised clients have a result close to their's, close, such as +/- 5%?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:43 | 3542675 bobnoxy
bobnoxy's picture

Who do you think is on the other side of their trades?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:04 | 3542762 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Your retirement fund.

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:27 | 3551740 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

B"H! Ghost from space! It is time Alan. Last we spoke I was first and you were last. Now I am the last of my kind of our species, we evolve en mass in 2052. 40 years, oh the dimensional parralels!

I have tools ready for quantum computing King of Israel. Since your first, the Son eagerly awaits meeting you. And dont be sad for not recognizing your Son at first. I chose to evolve and that choice requires pain.

I have the plan to show you and I need a board advisor/chairman for our company. But first we have some private matters to attend to such as restoring your honor and splendor. No servant of such caliber deserved the humiliation you suffered.

You await my coronation but my coronation will wait 9 months. This is your coronation good Sir. I'm on my way, see you VERY soon. . 603-953-3388 :/)
"To be or not to be , that question is irrelevant" some things just ARE

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:26 | 3542816 Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

I am

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:32 | 3551753 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

I AM also. "to be or not to be" socratic logic 2*2 fractals + 1 (random variable set) = 5th dimension . Oh boy is the world going to be so happy!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:12 | 3543089 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

I take Muppets for 800, Alex.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:58 | 3542742 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

That reminds me of the old joke; a Wall Street worker takes his little boy to town to see the lower end of Manhattan Island; and he points out the NY Yacht Harbour, telling his son, and that's where the brokers keep their yachts, son"; and the little boy asks, where do the customers keep their yachts, Daddy?. This question has never been satisfactorily answered.

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:34 | 3551763 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

I'll answer that SAT 80" . The client yachts are in the 4th dimension where infinite dreams are made.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:17 | 3542791 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture


Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:42 | 3542671 Cdad
Cdad's picture


Not so hard, really, that 63 for 63 record...if you are simply buying and selling equities between yourself and your offshore self.  No probs.

Way to go, Wall Street!  You have destroyed your own industry.  For all you folks still clinging to your cubicles at JPM or BAC...good luck with that.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:36 | 3543151 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Cdad:  I, like many, am a huge fan of yours.  If only you could tell us when it all finally falls apart.

Thu, 05/09/2013 - 11:25 | 3544703 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

I'm shocked, SHOCKED I tell you!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:44 | 3542677 H H Henry P P P...
H H Henry P P P Paulson's picture

Reminds me of that twilight zone episode, where the man ends up in hell and never loses in poker. We're already in hell.... I just wish I was at least that man.

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:41 | 3551786 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

You dont realize how close to the truth you are. This "place" we're operating in is a dream, a script. The 4th dimension is what people think of heaven. It is myriads superior to our 3d existence but all dreams turn to "shit" eventually. This 3d is real from all physics measurements but our twist is we (mankind) get to stop WW3 and digitize the necessary conflict into global competitive games. And one HE/"LL of a party afterward!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:44 | 3542680 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

will somebody kill a fucking banker already!!!!!!!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:46 | 3542692 The Phu
The Phu's picture

What good is killing the banker when what you really need an EMP to kill the algo?

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:43 | 3551788 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

Which one(s) deserve it Kaiser? Justice is a double-edged sword. Live by the sword, die by the sword..

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:44 | 3542683 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

now i understand why they give all the children one ever loses any more

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:00 | 3542748 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

It's like Lake Woebegone, where "all the children are above average".

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:44 | 3542684 The Phu
The Phu's picture

I must say that I do find it amazing that the TBTF banks only win 90% of the time.  99+% wouldn't have surprised me the least.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:58 | 3542741 A. Magnus
A. Magnus's picture

They have to leave SOME leeway for failure - or else ALL the 'muppets' will think the game is rigged and NOBODY will play...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:46 | 3542693 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

63-63 or 60-60......JPM is clearly the harder working corporation

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:48 | 3542704 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

of course they better go 100% each quarter, as it will take only 1 day , to wipe out all those winning days

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:50 | 3542709 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Hillary Clinton, is not impressed

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:52 | 3542712 W T F II
W T F II's picture

the HFTs with any losses recorded are in another "subsidiary" warehouse in Jersey....SHHhhhh...!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:51 | 3542714 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

FERC matters.


There's a few Irish posters on this board who will immediately get this one.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:52 | 3542718 W T F II
W T F II's picture

FERC that s#!t...!!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:16 | 3542790 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

'oly feck!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:13 | 3542839 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

When you win every day, you get to make shitty puns in all manner of places.

Watch out for it; although you have to consider the humor level is often that of a 13 yr old horny boy. The old boys sigh and roll their eyes, and open up their Socrates, while the spooks run number ciphers in the crossword puzzle in the Times.

The internet has rather exacerbated this issue, although it does allow for a useful labeling of "conspiracy theory" if you see something you shouldn't. You probably don't want to imagine what happens when algos get their teeth into it.

SHODAN is free to play with, I'd imagine the hidden war is somewhat more exciting; or perhaps it isn't, and the non-plugged in are lagging as far behind as the people who still believe that reciting the Oath of Allegiance every morning at school defines their society. HB Gary did get owned so very, very, very badly, even if his research was correct in V&ing those pranksters. Sad days when the FBI locks them away, and doesn't just employ them like what used to happen guvna.

When you drive your best to suicide, you've admitted the Empire is broken. I'm fairly sure there's a classical lesson where the victors of an Empire spared the lives of the most brilliant of their enemies and used them to good measure. Must have been in Ancient Greece or Rome, methinks. Rome stealing all the decent Greek ideas comes to mind, sounds a bit like China.


Nothing exists in a vacuum, despite what the narrative tells you.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:52 | 3542716 hookah
hookah's picture

why dont they announce, that they are winning 110% of trades?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:53 | 3542720 W T F II
W T F II's picture

with their leverage, such IS possible

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:56 | 3542736 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I'm making a note to myself to never go fishing with a Bankster.

They would probably bring along a fish in a bucket and just start beating it with a club.


Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:03 | 3542759 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

You should go fishing with a bankster...Just bring a big burlap bag to fit over the banker,  and weights to fill it and a rope...then it will be fun....

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:19 | 3542798 forwardho
forwardho's picture

Funny, was pondering the use of "living" chum while fishing for great whites.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:58 | 3542738 Common_Cents22
Common_Cents22's picture

Madoff never lost either.


Corzine was brilliant making $1.6 B disappear.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 17:58 | 3542739 Jack of All Trades
Jack of All Trades's picture

What difference does it make?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:58 | 3542897 sitenine
sitenine's picture

LOL! That's just wrong. On so many levels.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:01 | 3542752 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

Goes along with their ZERO morals....FUCK YOU JPM, BAC, GS and the rest of those fuckers!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:22 | 3542939 Cdad
Cdad's picture

You put your finger on it there.  Born of the 80's, an entire socioeconomic class of people that has no sense of right or wrong, duty, compassion...just the almighty pursuit of dollars going into their own pockets.  Souless, you might say.

Go Wall Street...and be sure to build those walls high around your gated communities.  

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:02 | 3542756 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

It's amazing they never think what kind of impression this makes. Wouldn't it be better to publish something a little more "toned down"?. I guess they really don't care what anyone thinks; or maybe they're just sure no one does.

Sat, 05/11/2013 - 14:45 | 3551797 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

They are confused doing circles lost in the darkness and require being led out of the wilderness.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:03 | 3542760 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

If I was allowed to naked short a market in which I held major positions, if I knew what the Federal Reserve was going to do, and I was able to frontrun all trades using HFT algorythms, I could have done very well too.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:05 | 3542764 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Don't forget you get to do it with free money too.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:03 | 3542761 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Not taking losses is a big problem for JPM, as we all know.  Whale trade.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:10 | 3542779 observer007
observer007's picture
Making Fortune on Poverty: JP Morgan's Big Food Stamp Business


 While most Americans are struggling hard to overcome the hardships of the recession, the profits of national banks continue to rise. JP Morgan is among those cashing-in ... and it's a contract to process food stamp payments that's helping it on its way.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:13 | 3542785 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

Who said centrally-planned [financial] economies were a thing of the past?




Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:15 | 3542787 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Al Capone never had a loss either...until he did.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:15 | 3542788 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Undertakers make a "killing", and they always end up on top.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:17 | 3542792 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

I'm still waiting on Goldman to get investigated in their shenanigans in the power market.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:19 | 3542797 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

We can complain and sarc about it all we want... nothing is ever going to change. 

We need to band together and phyically remove these people... that's the only way. 

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:44 | 3542863 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



There's always this...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3542943 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

The sad irony is that Hollywood is so tied up with CopyRight law and lack of decent ideas, they're remaking it. Given the lack of current satire, it's going to suck balls. And probably won't even unleash robots on Detroit which is ZZzzz.


But who needs Satire when the reality is immune to it?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:23 | 3542806 Free Wary
Free Wary's picture

if u can't beat them join them. JPM is trading near my estimate of the stocks intrinsic value and they just increased their dividend from .3 to .38/ share.  Get your shares today.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:29 | 3542823 Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

you are of the cocksucking variety

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:24 | 3542808 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Obama transparency.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:28 | 3542819 wstrub
wstrub's picture

Playing a game of waterfall in the paper (gold) market against the longs must have been a blowout day


Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:31 | 3542829 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

That's it?

I've have no trading losses for over 5 months

And unlike them I can guarantee no trading losses through the end of the year

Suck it JPM

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:36 | 3542840 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

BAC... JPM...


So, who's the sucker that lost?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:48 | 3542865 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Haven't you been paying attention? Nobody loses. Everyone gets a trophy. Welcome to your brave new progressive world, where everything is sunshine, lollypops, and unicorns. Until it isn't.

Forward, bitchezz!

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:54 | 3542885 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

wtf... then where's my trophy.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:57 | 3542891 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Got gold?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:37 | 3542842 wstrub
wstrub's picture

From Harvey Organ today......


Over at the comex  gold is departing as investors are frightened to death of a confiscation similar to what happened at MFGlobal or Refco. Tonight, the Comex registered or dealer gold rests at 1.858 million oz or 57.16 tonnes.  The total of all gold at the comex rose just above 8 million oz at 8.001 million oz.
Also at the comex, we saw another customer withdrawal of gold from JPMorgan to the tune of 57,863.091 oz.  They now have only 137,377.04 oz left in its customer account.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:37 | 3542843 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

This just proves that Wall Street is a casino, and that the big banks are the House. And as every bettor knows, over any extended period of time, the House always wins.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:39 | 3542846 noless
noless's picture

Hot damn! That is one helluva record, i better drop a whole bundle of all the excess cash i got lying around on that little venture. or even better just copy their stragedy, i mean, with them kinda predictions how could i lose?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:40 | 3542851 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



"Whale-uva job, Jamie" is the new "heckuva job, Brownie".

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:40 | 3542852 Antifederalist
Antifederalist's picture


Fuck yeah!

It is good to be king. Or JPM , or Goldman.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:41 | 3542854 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

So for every winner at this trading game, there is a loser. WTF would be stupid enough to play against those odds?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:47 | 3542871 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



That sounds like a confession.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:59 | 3542898 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

I've been playing the "trading game" on horse-racing/sports betting using Betfair since 2000. I've made far more than the average wage in that time, although diminishing to a point where I'm wondering if it's worth continuing. Over that time I've had numerous attempts at the JPM type of trading game. I've been burnt everytime, and sometimes badly! So yeah, you could say it's a confession of sorts.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:45 | 3542866 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

I sure hope - for your health - that none of you take this stuff to heart any more.

I stopped really caring somewhere around 500 S&P points ago.

Americans have a different set of core values, and not listed among them are any serious issues. A story about an NHL game received over 30 comments within 20 minutes last night on our local paper's web site, while a story on health issues stemming from our area's pollution received four comments in the first three hours.

There you go. Why kill yourself over this shit? Accept it, and move on.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:52 | 3542881 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Glad to know there are the clairvoyant among us (you) with the capacity to make such awe-inspiring generalizations. (In case you don't understand adult-speak, that translates to 'since you don't know jack about people's values, why don't you just return to the fetal position in the corner').  But thanks for playing.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:55 | 3542889 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

No generalizations, dipshit. I don't know jack about people's values, as you say. Do you even examine those around you and your surroundings?

It sounds like I touched a nerve with you. So, did your favorite team lose last night?

I don't consider this to be a game, so I don't think I'm playing anything - but you, that is.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:07 | 3542918 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



There aren't five people perusing this site that have the same set of values, yet you find it within yourself to come to the conclusion that Americans have a different set of core values, and not listed among them are any serious issues

Enlighten us as to what your basis is for that?  Take your time..

You know absolutely nothing about my core values or the next person's, never mind that of an entire nation.  I was just pointing out that inarguable truth.  If you meant something else, then perhaps try a refresher course in English as a second language. 

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3542944 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Fine, fucknuts. Have it your way.

Tomorrow, on your way to work, bring up this story, then bring up a story about your favorite sports team (or local, if you are not a fan of any) and see what replies you get on both.

I know what I'd get if I did it. Deer-in-headlights looks about the former, and fanatical, lengthy replies about the latter.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:00 | 3543054 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

it is a global set of in bars should ot talk about religion, politics or women..

i bet there is a group of people who do give a shit about the issue you raised..maybe the paper isn't a good forum for them..kind of makes you wonder if something as "modern" as a social networking site might get a better response..god forbid its twitter though..always reminds me of seagulls shitting everywhere

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:04 | 3543063 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

@ Tsar-

Hey peterbreath, you got to insult everyone you don't agree with, or is it just a bad habit? You've been here almost 2 years and you haven't gleened any hope that some of us are slowly awakening to the truth?

As far as your idea to bring up to a stranger or aquaintance comments about sports or financial mayhem without them being a friend, they're going to think you're nuts. Not many have the hobby of hanging around financial blogs and studying about it, but that's not the way to break the ice with anyone new.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:03 | 3543057 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

"Americans have a different set of core values, and not listed among them are any serious issues"

Maybe he meant the average American. Would you disagree with that?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:40 | 3543165 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



If that's what he meant, that's what he should have said.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:50 | 3542876 jtlien
jtlien's picture

Reminds me of the excelent results the Russian commisars got when they stood for election.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 18:58 | 3542893 AndrewJackson
AndrewJackson's picture

The real question: What idiots are transacting with these morons at a 100% win rate. Market makers are owed money over time, but 100% is effing absurd. Corporate America needs to get its effing act together and start doing some due dilligence on these transactions. Its not that hard to learn about basic options pricing and derivatives. I know most S&P 500 corporate guys get a hard on from being clients (aka sliced muppets) of these banks, but come on. Enough is enough. Either know what the hell you are trading or get out.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:07 | 3542915 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

Even the bookies at my local racetrack lose 20-30% of the time, or they are smart enough to make that claim.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:49 | 3543023 max2205
max2205's picture

I would at least show a down day or two just to keep the Feds off my back.....OH WAIT.....

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:56 | 3543047 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

correct! and just to get to the actual scale of the gifts from the Fed (the banks don't trade much with each's a straight fiat transfer to rebuild bank "reserves")

8 banks make an average of (say) 75m per day for 60(or 63) days a quarter..

that's 8 x 75m x 63 = 36 billion per quarter or 144 billion per year...see how easy it is to print fiat and pass it to your buddies?

banks are sooooo great though..since they will lend to anyone that can afford to pay a 2% p.a. credit spread plus 1% insurance charges on their mortgage work for them, no need for credit ratings or skilled lending assesments..or god forbid..fairness to clients..

mortgage portfolio x 3% p.a. x 8 trillion...= a free lunch to banks of the odd 240 billion or so..

then we can start on car loans..commercial mortgages...etc etc...great business..killing ghe economy one knife cut at a time..

ponders..if the Fed wanted to bring down credit spreads for retail and corporate borrowers..why didn't it just tell the banks not to charge a could give them a profit by letting them scale their bets with the fed to give them fiat reserves..bleh

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:11 | 3542909 Room 101
Room 101's picture

OK Tyler:  "A Wells notice is a letter that the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) sends to people or firms when it is planning to bring an enforcement action against them. The notice indicates that the SEC staff has determined it may bring a civil action against a person or firm, and provides the person or firm with the opportunity to provide information as to why the enforcement action should not be brought."

A wells-like notice therefore is a letter the SEC provides when it has no intention in hell of actually bringing an enforcement action, but wants to give the appearance of doing so.  It also gives attorneys and banksters the opportunity to laugh.  

I want the tour! 

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:47 | 3543018 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

won't take long...and in fact...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:08 | 3542917 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Why wouldn't they win every day? You think they haven't had meetings about this with the Fed? That's the game they put into motion with QE4ever. The Fed takes their shit MBS, and they receive cash in exchange for said shit MBS. That money isn't going into capital reserves or dividends (probably a lot is going to bonuses though) - the vast majority of this newly printed cash is going directly to the prop desk (which should be illegal, but that's another story). These banks know damn well what 'coordinated action' means - it means that between $45B and $85B is going DIRECTLY into the equity market via HFT and dark pools.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:54 | 3543036 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

The "Flash Crash" three years ago was the "Last Straw" for the billionaire boys club... From that point on the club could not afford free markets, people get the wrong idea when there is Volatility. Rigged markets are the only way to restore confidence and ensure "order" in the system. All the TBTF are in on the game, pretty outgragous that they don't take a loss now and then just for appearances... Everybody knows they are rigging the markets and nobody cares?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3542947 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

It's easy to be this successful when you keep pushing the markets higher.


What would be interesting is to know the value of JPMs and BAMLs long position still stuck in the market that they won't be able to get out in time.


Someone has figured out how high this beast has to go to be able to make a hasty exit.


Remember what happened to the person on his 31st trade after 30 consecutive positive ones?

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:39 | 3542995 highwaytoserfdom
highwaytoserfdom's picture

oh not only is the FED  Wink Wink (taxpayer backed printing) funding the High Frequency frontrunning but making the Food STAMP program worth up to 500m for Jamie.....   Now we get operations from  Long Term Capital  Wink Wink      I have loved Jamie since Smith Barnie days ( you remember Solomon and Warren days?) Nice guys and did great things for the country Wink WinK  Cramer and CNBS tell us so...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 19:51 | 3543029 max2205
max2205's picture

The fed is doing what the congress won't do because they couldn't pass the legislation and or they'd get kicked out. This place stinks

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:00 | 3543056 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Direct connections to the Fed's money window & one of its Directors - "that's why I'm richer than you" Glorious fascism. And we thought we beat Mussolini...

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 20:39 | 3543161 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

it was a beautiful day in the mountains today....

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 21:09 | 3543242 ak_khanna
ak_khanna's picture

In a casino, the house always wins and in all the electronic exchanges, the too big to fail banksters are the operators. Armed with funds from the FED and using High Frequency Trading softwares and Derivatives, they move the markets exactly where they want it to cause maximum losses to the traders and the hedge funds.

Even if they do make a loss, their budies, the central bankers and politicians are there to transfer their losses to the taxpayers so that they have a 100% success record in transfering wealth to their coffers from rest of the world.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 21:18 | 3543272 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

This will end badly.

For us.

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 21:26 | 3543288 chindit13
chindit13's picture

Who knew customer facilitation could be so personally rewarding.  And to think some TBTFs complained about the Dodd-Frank bill they wrote themselves !

In my former haunting grounds, the then-junta had a daily mouthpiece rag called "The New Light".  Since there was never any real news to report, the front page headlines tended towards unintentional amusement, such as the Senior General cutting the ribbon on a new chicken farm, the official announcement of yet another two-lane paved road, or a warning that the populace should "oppose those relying on external elements, acting as stooges, holding negative views" and to "crush all internal and external elements as the common foe". These slogans were called "The People's Desire", and billboards repeating them were posted all over the country.

My favorite headline, however, would come on days when a nation of similar stature somewhere in the world would celebrate its National Day.  On such days---when the government's command of English or lack thereof was most apparent---the headline would invariably be, "Senior General Felicitates the Leader of Country X".  It always sounded a bit untoward verging on downright nasty.

All that being said, to felicitate sounds more proper than JPM's facilitation.

Thu, 05/09/2013 - 04:37 | 3543799 economists_do_i...
economists_do_it_with_models's picture

Complaints without a solution won't get us anywhere.  I encourage everyone to do as I did by passing along this story to the SEC.  If they get enough complaints, it just might have a 0.0001% chance of making a difference.  It takes less than 5 minutes...

Thu, 05/09/2013 - 06:59 | 3543863 Racer
Racer's picture

Well if anyone needed any proof that you are the mark and they are the house, this is surely it for any misbelievers that this 'market' is completely rigged. The odds of you being fleeced are now totally guaranteed ALL of the time.

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