What Bloomberg Tells Us About The Whereabouts Of The NY Fed's Traders And Analysts

Tyler Durden's picture

Thanks to the handy Bloomberg surveillance tools, we know that there are 287 current members of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York with access to a terminal. As of this moment an unimpressive 10% of them (29 to be exact) are signaling green (or active) with Kevin Henry still 'grey' (or untracked), although somewhat expectedly, the bulk of the active NY Fed employees are traders in some capacity. While some in the media would suggest this is somehow critical insights that the Bloomberg reporters can use to completely understand what is going on in the world, we question the usefulness of knowing whether Bill Dudley is logged in. With only 10% online - is that a buy, sell, or hold signal for Goldman or JPM? More importantly, perhaps, we would lose the ability to track the whereabouts of such 'real' Bloomberg users as Fukky Tantang, Diane Beaver, and Ludger Poos.

We wonder how many of the green (or red) NY Fed traders below will promptly "go gray" upon seeing their names in print?

 

 

 

Top 25 Bloomberg Names Ever... (via wallstreetjackass)

1. KIKUKO TAKENOSHITA
2. MATTHEW WANK
3. CHRISTOPHER FISTER
4. GUSTAVO CUNTO
5. ROSEMARY NOBBE
6. CHETAN DIKSHIT
7. DARIO DIKLIC
8. EDWARD TITTMAN
9. DIANE BEAVER
10. DAVID MORON
11. FABIENNE CRETIN
12. DONNA BUMGARDNER
13. GERHARD SPANKA
14. GINGER SEAMAN
15. KAREN ARSOLA
16. LUDGER POOS
17. ANDREW SHAFTER
18. FUKKY TANTANG
19. WAN KIM
20. ALEXANDRA SUKMAWATI
21. WING MAN
22. DOROTHY CHUNDA
23. DIK BLEWITT
24. JOHN KOKKINIAS
25. ROSS SMELLIE

No, really. From Kikuko Takenoshita's LinkedIn Page:

And more...

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LawsofPhysics's picture

Future unemployment roll call...   okay, okay, just trying to be optimistic...

Rainman's picture

Prediction : the #9 gal named Diane Beaver will always be employed.

fightthepower's picture

How many of the above banksters will end up hanging from lamp posts?

gmrpeabody's picture

What..., no Semore Bottoms?

The Juggernaut's picture

Wow... I've never seen a terrorist list so out in the open.

nugjuice's picture

Garth brownsword did it for me. I actually lol'd

Stackers's picture

So is the NYFed paying $20,000 for each and every one of those terminals ?

Cacete de Ouro's picture

Lt Frank Drebin: Nice beaver!

Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

 

ok,childish but very funny :)

tmosley's picture

Yes, but it's ok, they just print the money for the fees.

Zero Debt's picture

Anyone proud of being a Senior Ethics Specialist at the Rectal Reserve System needs a very severe degree of cognitive dissonance to blind themselves of the total irony of the situation.

Joe Davola's picture

Ufuk Tuna's also at a nexus of juvenile linked in page views, or so I've heard.

http://de.linkedin.com/pub/ufuk-tuna/42/727/597?trk=pub-pbmap

MythicalFish's picture

Hahaha. Hammer Dong is OTT.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

TD can tell how well (poorly) my portfolio and garden are doing by my time logged in to ZH.  BTW, Sacrilege, what is up with the relationships/contacts functionality?   Does it do anything?

Larry Dallas's picture

What about Bang Dae Ho?

Samsung Securities? Circa 2011.

IndicaTive's picture

Unless of course she gets hitched Ross Smellie and hyphenates her name.

TeamDepends's picture

They could name their child Ufuk....

Terminus C's picture

That is some funny shit

Ufuk Smellie-Beaver

Stuck on Zero's picture

Diane Beaver???  That's Ben Bernanke's pseudonym.

 

Frozen IcQb's picture

Zerohedgers makes Bloomberg handles/callsigns look amateurish.

Oh, those are their real names...never mind.

 

Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

Don't you fucking say that about Kevin Henry!  He saved the global financial system 25 Fridays ago.

MythicalFish's picture

Kevin Henry, Senior Trader slash Analyst. Sounds like the prop desk of a Ukrainian utility/German Landesbank/Petrobras.

SheepDog-One's picture

LOL, Tyler Durden, 'Pro Troll'

rajat_bhatia's picture

BLOOMBERG Surveillance. What a Freudian show name !

williambanzai7's picture

I want to know what ever happened to Bang Dae Ho? Has he gone AHOLE?

 

BIG SODA

 

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NAME TAGS

buzzsaw99's picture

just proves they care only about markets and not real people at all

insanelysane's picture

Only need to levitate into the close.  Log in by noon and buy, buy, buy.

nicoacademia's picture

mostly trader/analyst online ready for the POMO.

 

god is must be good to be on the FED's payroll.

slaughterer's picture

There is no POMO today.  It is short party time--temporarily  

Cdad's picture

We laugh, but this "market" is so contrived, it won't surprise me if, in the days or weeks ahead, we learn that the lemming "buy signal" is related to whether or not Edward Tittman is logged in...and the "sell signal" that of a green Andrew Shafter.

It would make about as much sense as anything else regarding our dead markets.

 

 

ParkAveFlasher's picture

A very simple binary language ("logged in" and "logged out") that can very easily encode complex and multi-layered messages, especially with the added dimension of time.

Next step is line-of-sight, building to building messages, open office window means "1" and closed office window means "0". 

If you have the will to cheat, and hey, the penalty is a slap on the wrist, why not, I suppose?

Shizzmoney's picture

ANDREW SHAFTER

Irony

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

where are the PPT guys?  that would be a help

kaa1016's picture

How is CHETAN DIKSHIT only number 6? I think there are a whole lot of CHETAN DIKSHIT's trading these markets everyday.

Slope of Hope's picture

Just a rough observation on my part, but it appears the propensity to stand up for Bloomberg on CNBC is directly correlated with the thickness of their New York accent.  Extra points if they worked for the squid.

Being Free's picture

Samantha Smith  Federal Reserve Bank New York - Rotational Analyst

"Rotational Analyst"???  I have a few ideas of what this might be...

muleskinner's picture

You know how they lie all of the time

 

Hire Magal Security Systems to spy on the spies.

mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

Nice list of available ZH monikers.

PontifexMaximus's picture

do we already have the algos programmed to the FED BBG users logged in?

ZeroPower's picture

My favorite still is Anil Bangar. Real person, too.

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

Naomi Swallows and Ginger Seaman, your kidding right?

 

maneco's picture

At $20'000 per annum for the Bloomberg terminal subscription that works out to a $5'740'000 bill for the FRBNY! Oh I forgot they can just print that!

DeadFred's picture

Each terminal came with a free box of hollow points for the Federal Reserve Police force. Bloomberg's Integrated Control Systems package deal.

jmcadg's picture

If Ludger Poos in Diane's Beaver it would be a Fukky Tantang.

Gustavo Cunto LOL.