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What Bloomberg Tells Us About The Whereabouts Of The NY Fed's Traders And Analysts

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 05/13/2013 09:28 -0400

Thanks to the handy Bloomberg surveillance tools, we know that there are 287 current members of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York with access to a terminal. As of this moment an unimpressive 10% of them (29 to be exact) are signaling green (or active) with Kevin Henry still 'grey' (or untracked), although somewhat expectedly, the bulk of the active NY Fed employees are traders in some capacity. While some in the media would suggest this is somehow critical insights that the Bloomberg reporters can use to completely understand what is going on in the world, we question the usefulness of knowing whether Bill Dudley is logged in. With only 10% online - is that a buy, sell, or hold signal for Goldman or JPM? More importantly, perhaps, we would lose the ability to track the whereabouts of such 'real' Bloomberg users as Fukky Tantang, Diane Beaver, and Ludger Poos.

We wonder how many of the green (or red) NY Fed traders below will promptly "go gray" upon seeing their names in print?

Top 25 Bloomberg Names Ever... (via wallstreetjackass)

1. KIKUKO TAKENOSHITA
2. MATTHEW WANK
3. CHRISTOPHER FISTER
4. GUSTAVO CUNTO
5. ROSEMARY NOBBE
6. CHETAN DIKSHIT
7. DARIO DIKLIC
8. EDWARD TITTMAN
9. DIANE BEAVER
10. DAVID MORON
11. FABIENNE CRETIN
12. DONNA BUMGARDNER
13. GERHARD SPANKA
14. GINGER SEAMAN
15. KAREN ARSOLA
16. LUDGER POOS
17. ANDREW SHAFTER
18. FUKKY TANTANG
19. WAN KIM
20. ALEXANDRA SUKMAWATI
21. WING MAN
22. DOROTHY CHUNDA
23. DIK BLEWITT
24. JOHN KOKKINIAS
25. ROSS SMELLIE

No, really. From Kikuko Takenoshita's LinkedIn Page:

And more...

- advertisements -

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:10 | 3555779 LawsofPhysics

Future unemployment roll call... okay, okay, just trying to be optimistic...

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:14 | 3555787 Rainman

Prediction : the #9 gal named Diane Beaver will always be employed.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:19 | 3555801 fightthepower

How many of the above banksters will end up hanging from lamp posts?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:31 | 3555843 gmrpeabody

What..., no Semore Bottoms?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:34 | 3555856 StychoKiller

Bang Dae Ho!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:40 | 3555873 The Juggernaut

Wow... I've never seen a terrorist list so out in the open.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 12:03 | 3556396 nugjuice

Garth brownsword did it for me. I actually lol'd

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:31 | 3556276 Zero Debt

I don't get it. Bang what?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:35 | 3555860 Stackers

So is the NYFed paying $20,000 for each and every one of those terminals ?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:43 | 3555879 Cacete de Ouro

Lt Frank Drebin: Nice beaver!

Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

ok,childish but very funny :)

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:24 | 3555964 tmosley

Yes, but it's ok, they just print the money for the fees.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 12:41 | 3556531 Zero Debt

Anyone proud of being a Senior Ethics Specialist at the Rectal Reserve System needs a very severe degree of cognitive dissonance to blind themselves of the total irony of the situation.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:42 | 3555872 Joe Davola

Ufuk Tuna's also at a nexus of juvenile linked in page views, or so I've heard.

http://de.linkedin.com/pub/ufuk-tuna/42/727/597?trk=pub-pbmap

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:47 | 3555890 MythicalFish

Hahaha. Hammer Dong is OTT.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:35 | 3555845 hedgeless_horseman

TD can tell how well (poorly) my portfolio and garden are doing by my time logged in to ZH. BTW, Sacrilege, what is up with the relationships/contacts functionality? Does it do anything?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:52 | 3556353 Larry Dallas

What about Bang Dae Ho?

Samsung Securities? Circa 2011.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:20 | 3555817 IndicaTive

Unless of course she gets hitched Ross Smellie and hyphenates her name.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:54 | 3555908 TeamDepends

They could name their child Ufuk....

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:27 | 3555978 Terminus C

That is some funny shit

Ufuk Smellie-Beaver

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:54 | 3555909 Stuck on Zero

Diane Beaver??? That's Ben Bernanke's pseudonym.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:08 | 3555792 Frozen IcQb

Zerohedgers makes Bloomberg handles/callsigns look amateurish.

Oh, those are their real names...never mind.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:23 | 3555825 Charles Nelson ...

Don't you fucking say that about Kevin Henry! He saved the global financial system 25 Fridays ago.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:51 | 3555898 MythicalFish

Kevin Henry, Senior Trader slash Analyst. Sounds like the prop desk of a Ukrainian utility/German Landesbank/Petrobras.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:36 | 3555861 SheepDog-One

LOL, Tyler Durden, 'Pro Troll'

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:07 | 3555781 rajat_bhatia

BLOOMBERG Surveillance. What a Freudian show name !

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:53 | 3555823 williambanzai7

I want to know what ever happened to Bang Dae Ho? Has he gone AHOLE?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:08 | 3555782 buzzsaw99

just proves they care only about markets and not real people at all

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:05 | 3555933 williambanzai7

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:10 | 3555785 insanelysane

Only need to levitate into the close. Log in by noon and buy, buy, buy.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:11 | 3555788 nicoacademia

mostly trader/analyst online ready for the POMO.

god is must be good to be on the FED's payroll.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:23 | 3555824 slaughterer

There is no POMO today. It is short party time--temporarily

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:12 | 3555790 Cdad

We laugh, but this "market" is so contrived, it won't surprise me if, in the days or weeks ahead, we learn that the lemming "buy signal" is related to whether or not Edward Tittman is logged in...and the "sell signal" that of a green Andrew Shafter.

It would make about as much sense as anything else regarding our dead markets.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:16 | 3555806 ParkAveFlasher

A very simple binary language ("logged in" and "logged out") that can very easily encode complex and multi-layered messages, especially with the added dimension of time.

Next step is line-of-sight, building to building messages, open office window means "1" and closed office window means "0".

If you have the will to cheat, and hey, the penalty is a slap on the wrist, why not, I suppose?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:12 | 3555791 Shizzmoney

ANDREW SHAFTER

Irony

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:13 | 3555794 the not so migh...

where are the PPT guys? that would be a help

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:13 | 3555796 kaa1016

How is CHETAN DIKSHIT only number 6? I think there are a whole lot of CHETAN DIKSHIT's trading these markets everyday.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:16 | 3555805 Slope of Hope

Just a rough observation on my part, but it appears the propensity to stand up for Bloomberg on CNBC is directly correlated with the thickness of their New York accent. Extra points if they worked for the squid.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:19 | 3555814 Being Free

Samantha Smith Federal Reserve Bank New York - Rotational Analyst

"Rotational Analyst"??? I have a few ideas of what this might be...

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:24 | 3555826 Urban Roman

Pole dancing?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:37 | 3556297 Conax

Pivot goil at the coiclejoik

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:19 | 3555815 muleskinner

You know how they lie all of the time

Hire Magal Security Systems to spy on the spies.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:20 | 3555816 mayhem_korner

Nice list of available ZH monikers.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:22 | 3555821 PontifexMaximus

do we already have the algos programmed to the FED BBG users logged in?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:23 | 3555822 Urban Roman

And Bang Dae Ho!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:39 | 3555869 emsolý

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/zero-hedge-impacts-world-makes-bang-dae-ho-more-popular-president

classic

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:26 | 3555831 ZeroPower

My favorite still is Anil Bangar. Real person, too.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:26 | 3555834 the not so migh...

Naomi Swallows and Ginger Seaman, your kidding right?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:28 | 3555835 maneco

At $20'000 per annum for the Bloomberg terminal subscription that works out to a $5'740'000 bill for the FRBNY! Oh I forgot they can just print that!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:15 | 3556213 DeadFred

Each terminal came with a free box of hollow points for the Federal Reserve Police force. Bloomberg's Integrated Control Systems package deal.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:28 | 3555838 jmcadg

If Ludger Poos in Diane's Beaver it would be a Fukky Tantang.

Gustavo Cunto LOL.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:31 | 3555844 GraveyardSpiral

Well, if the little RED dot, to the left of their names, signifies anything it must be that those are the highest paid!!!!!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:32 | 3555848 1C3-N1N3

Completely lost my shit at "Ufuk Tuna". Thanks for the Monday morning lulz, Tylers!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:35 | 3555859 Aurora Ex Machina

I find the information that Bloomberg terminals allow you to create troll accounts hilarious, and oh-so-human. The fact they're all 13 yr old male humor is somewhat of a tell though. Oh, wait. They're real? The lizard men from Mars are here, and they're immature as hell.

This is a fun resource to run many of the names through (won't work on Asian honorifics I think). Some need sponsoring, so there's plenty of room for some mischief. Cunto needs a definition, for one.

Blewitt

This unusual and interesting name comes from an English nickname for someone who habitually wore blue clothes or for someone with blue eyes. The derivation for both is from the Old French "bleuet", a diminutive of "bleu", blue, which in Middle English became "bluet", meaning blue wollen cloth, or "bleut", the cornflower. It was a common practice to create a surname from a nickname in medieval England.

Those sporting such surnames as "Cretin" and "Moron" might be saddened by their heritage.

On a serious note, there is serious research into the "last name effect" and how "How your last name will doom your descendants centuries from now" [WP].

As they say, if it looks like and duck and it walks like a duck...

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:38 | 3555864 ImReady

Ellen Golay? Does it get any better than this?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:41 | 3555874 orangegeek

Mike Hunt and Hugh G Rection aren't on the list. What happened?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:45 | 3555884 hedgeless_horseman

I think Jack Knaouff is still a lawyer in Denver.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:46 | 3555888 El Hosel

.... Lets take a vote, who wants to see that list on the Front page of the New York Times / pictures on the back page.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:27 | 3555982 Burr's 2nd Shot

Sadly, Dick Fitzwell and Pat McGroin are missing as well.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:35 | 3556291 Zero Debt

And where's Dick Woodboner and Penny Scunt?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:42 | 3555877 Divine Wind

#58 Joseph Lopez - ETHICS ANALYST ????????????

Is this a joke?

For Whom?

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:50 | 3555895 old naughty

Carolina Fuck (last on list)...

For whom, indeed.

Funny.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:47 | 3555889 Hannibal

Exposing the fraudsters Names, Faces and Addresses is a good start!

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:48 | 3555892 frenchie

fabienne cretin sounds nice :p

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:53 | 3555906 Apostate2

You have closed my evening with a cathartic laugh, Ludger Poos indeed.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:54 | 3555907 gunsmoke011

I think it is safe to rule out selling from your list of FED activity possibilities.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 09:54 | 3555912 I Am Not a Copp...

Holy shit - pissing myself. Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:04 | 3555921 Cacete de Ouro

Reinhold Wanka

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:08 | 3555938 F.A. Hayek

Auntie Zeituni

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:09 | 3555939 Mine Is Bigger

With names like those, they must have gone through a hell in schools. That could be what turned them into what they are today.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:20 | 3555957 fuu

Everyone needs a 21. WING MAN.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 10:33 | 3556011 SubjectivObject

Mammals On Top

Civilization Spurned

This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt This IS MY Cock This IS MY Cunt .....

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:00 | 3556151 LooseLee

Great resource to have for the future call on those who destroyed our country...

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:19 | 3556233 Solarman

If you have Linkedin, it is hilarious of the real people with these names pop up.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:46 | 3556337 chancee

Look at this Fed trader's resume... used to work in institutional sales at Countrywide: http://www.yatedo.com/p/John+Falcone/normal/43ed28f04605d888ac56a86d4194...

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 11:54 | 3556362 watmann

This in paert is why GS and JPM have perfect trading records for the quarter. Lets see the SEC or congress take action.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 13:25 | 3556744 roadhazard

My first thought whenever I see "news" like this is what is Really going on that "They" want to distract you from noticing.

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 13:29 | 3556766 Yen Cross

Wasn't sure if zhers caught this piece today.

Red-faced Bloomberg admits ‘inexcusable’ privacy breach - Business News - Business - The Independent

Mon, 05/13/2013 - 16:38 | 3557793 helping_friendl...

All the names right there!!!

Unbelievable they expose themselves in this careless fashion?

The necklace list!

What Bloomberg Tells Us About The Whereabouts Of The NY Fed's Traders And Analysts

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