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Venezuela Runs Out Of Toilet Paper

Tyler Durden's picture





 

To vaguely paraphrase Mike Tyson, "everyone has a plan for a socialist utopia, until they run out of toilet paper."

This is just what happened to Venezuela, where in the image vacuum left following the death of leader Hugo Chavez, things are rapidly falling apart for the oil-rich country. And just like in the US, it's Bush's fault, or at least the local such equivalent.

AP reports: "First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the embattled socialist government says it will import 50 million rolls to boost supplies. That was little comfort to consumers struggling to find toilet paper on Wednesday. “This is the last straw,” said Manuel Fagundes, a shopper hunting for tissue in downtown Caracas. “I’m 71 years old and this is the first time I’ve seen this.” One supermarket visited by The Associated Press in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread. “I’ve been looking for it for two weeks,” said Cristina Ramos. “I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line.”

All of this this is quite surprising: because while one may not be able eat gold, one may certainly use fiat, especially fiat of any regime in the last throes of economic collapse and where staggered currency devaluation is now a periodic fact, as precisely the noted commodity in short supply.

Artist's conception of what the country's TP (single-ply) may soon look like: all it would take are a few more sequential devaluations.

More:

Economists say Venezuela’s shortages stem from price controls meant to make basic goods available to the poorest parts of society and the government’s controls on foreign currency.

 

State-controlled prices — prices that are set below market-clearing price — always result in shortages. The shortage problem will only get worse, as it did over the years in the Soviet Union,” said Steve Hanke, professor of economics at Johns Hopkins University.

 

President Nicolas Maduro, who was selected by the dying Hugo Chavez to carry on his “Bolivarian revolution,” claims that anti-government forces, including the private sector, are causing the shortages in an effort to destabilize the country.

 

The government this week announced it would import 760,000 tons of food and 50 million rolls of toilet paper.

 

Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming blamed the shortage of toilet tissue on “excessive demand” built up as a result of “a media campaign that has been generated to disrupt the country.”

 

“The revolution will bring the country the equivalent of 50 million rolls of toilet paper,” he was quoted as saying Tuesday by state news agency AVN. “We are going to saturate the market so that our people calm down.”

 

Finance Minister Nelson Merentes said the government was also addressing the lack of foreign currency, which has resulted in the suspension of foreign supplies of raw materials, equipment and spare parts to Venezuelan companies, disrupting their production.

 

We are making progress … we have to work very hard,” Merentes told reporters Wednesday.

 

Many factories operate at half capacity because the currency controls make it hard for them to pay for imported parts and materials. Business leaders say some companies verge on bankruptcy because they cannot extend lines of credit with foreign suppliers.

 

Merentes said the government had met the U.S. dollar requests of some 1,500 small- and medium-sized companies facing supply problems, and was reviewing requests from a similar number of larger companies.

 

Chavez imposed currency controls a decade ago trying to stem capital flight as his government expropriated large land parcels and dozens of businesses.

 

Anointed by Chavez as his successor before the president died from cancer, Maduro won a close presidential election April 14 against opposition candidate Henrique Capriles, who refused to accept the result, claiming Maduro won through fraud and voter intimidation. He filed a complaint to the Supreme Court, asking for the vote to be annulled, though that’s highly unlikely to happen since the court is packed with government-friendly justices.

Still, central planning refuses to be defeated in the face of the TP crisis:

Fleming, the commerce minister, said monthly consumption of toilet paper was normally 125 million rolls, but that current demand “leads us to think that 40 million more are required.”

 

We will bring in 50 million to show those groups that they won’t make us bow down,” he said.

Alternatively, if the government is not merely paranoid, and if indeed this is just another CIA-inspired tactic to overthrow the government, then the Langley brain trust will have redeemed itself for the recent humiliation in Russia by showing the world it can truly think outside of the toilet box.

 


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Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:03 | Link to Comment jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

They should contact Argentina....I hear they have lots of TP....there they call it the Peso. Next on the list, USSA.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:10 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Just blame it all on Hugo......works in the US.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:12 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

Or blame it all on Bruno ..... worked for JPMorgue.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:15 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Works well on almost any setting or level.

 

Remember that guy?

 

His fault!!!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:19 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

They went that-a-way!  ;)

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:20 | Link to Comment strannick
strannick's picture

Congrats ZH on the best paraphrase of all time.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:25 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

But will it be enough to impress Joe Kernan?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:30 | Link to Comment I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

I just took a Hugo Chavez - someone pass me some pesos.  Viva la revolution.  Oh no... I got the Che Guevara again.  More pesos please.  

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:38 | Link to Comment Esso
Esso's picture

I find it pretty difficult to find fault with other country's leaders while enduring the reign of O'bama.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:46 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Pretty ballsy statement.

You're not afraid of the IRS and the Cheetas?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:05 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

You can't wipe, er, make this shit up anymore...

It's like Groundhog Day.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:53 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I hear WB7 has printed millions of rolls BenieClownBux's and can ship at a moments notice.

And, to blame Bush once again, well, that's just a fecal smear campaign.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 12:19 | Link to Comment Manthong
Manthong's picture

I don't suppose they grow much corn down there, do they?

De-kerneled cobs do have several utility values.

Fri, 06/07/2013 - 10:21 | Link to Comment imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

They are not doing a very good job of intercepting their citizens telecommunications data. They had to print it out on rolls of paper.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:02 | Link to Comment BraveSirRobin
BraveSirRobin's picture

Yes, they just have a little bit of a head start on us.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:39 | Link to Comment SamAdams
SamAdams's picture

Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming blamed the shortage of toilet tissue on “excessive demand” built up as a result of “a media campaign that has been generated to disrupt the country.”

It appears media smells the same where ever you may be....

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:44 | Link to Comment Esso
Esso's picture

I recall a shortage of toilet paper here in the early/mid 70s caused by a joke by Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:24 | Link to Comment Umh
Umh's picture

I recall a shortage of gasoline here in the 70's caused by government price controls.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:52 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I recall a shortage of TRUTH very recently caused by government FREEDOM OF SPEECH controls...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:14 | Link to Comment Zwelgje
Zwelgje's picture

No no lets laugh at Venezuela.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:50 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Venezuela... Hmmm... OK ~ here's Venezuala in a nutshell...

~~~

- Chavez asked for their gold back

- He got it

- He also got DEAD shortly thereafter

~~~

CONCLUSION:

Cartel Central Bank coming to Venezuela in 5...4...3...2... [which also means, laterally, that ZH 'servers' would be, unwelcome, in Venezuela, shortly]...

QuesoPapa's bitchez!

 


~~~

BTW ~ I suppose a 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'  [4 years] is in order for the 'ZH Manifesto' [copied below]

 

 

our mission:

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  • to skeptically examine and, where necessary, attack the flaccid institution that financial journalism has become.
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  • to facilitate information's unending quest for freedom.

our method: pseudonymous speech...

anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority. it thus exemplifies the purpose behind the bill of rights, and of the first amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation-- and their ideas from suppression-- at the hand of an intolerant society.

   ...responsibly used.

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though often maligned (typically by those frustrated by an inability to engage in ad hominem attacks) anonymous speech has a long and storied history in the united states. used by the likes of mark twain (aka samuel langhorne clemens) to criticize common ignorance, and perhaps most famously by alexander hamilton, james madison and john jay (aka publius) to write the federalist papers, we think ourselves in good company in using one or another nom de plume. particularly in light of an emerging trend against vocalizing public dissent in the united states, we believe in the critical importance of anonymity and its role in dissident speech. like the economist magazine, we also believe that keeping authorship anonymous moves the focus of discussion to the content of speech and away from the speaker- as it should be. we believe not only that you should be comfortable with anonymous speech in such an environment, but that you should be suspicious of any speech that isn't.

~~~

 


On the 'TRUTH' path [francis_sawyer trying to live up to the ZH Manifesto, on the eve of its birthday]... Yesterday I made a comment to SMG [about 'THIS 'ERS & 'THAT'ERS ~ as is, it's NOT this, it's THAT]...

Seems to me I remember him always going on about 'Luciferians'... OK ~ Let's take that one out for a spin...

I'm no legal genius, but I'm seriously doubting that there's anything in Swiss Law that can get you sued for talking about 'Luciferians'... I mean, WTF?... Is 'discrimination' against 'Luciferians' a crime in Switzerland?... Are they actually a 'race'... 'Religion' I'll leave aside, & besides, I've always said IT.HAS.NOTHING.TO.DO.WITH.RELIGION.

Anyway ~ The only logical thing to conclude in this matter is that 'some entity' is being protected... Following that path... If 'Luciferians' aren't the ones being protected, or, just for shits & grins, say, "Syrians", [& I'll just bundle up the 'Syrians' with that, because, if anything, it's 24/7 open season on 'Syrians' who nobody seems to give a FF about save for which bombs to torpedo them with]...

So, if SMG's efforts to shine the spotlight on "Luciferian's" is flawed... Then there are only two possible conclusions:

1. He's FOS

2. He's 'correct'... But if he is, how do you skate around the unlikelihood that anybody would ever win a court case that accused someone of 'discriminating' against 'Luciferians'? [there would be no need to post 'anti-discrimination' clauses on your webpage]... So while the 'Luciferian' ANGLE may still hold water, it can only mean that if the 'Luciferians' are behind anything, & if it's not a defense for THEMSELVES [which would seem an absurd court case, to ME anyway], then INSTEAD, they're [assuminbg it's THEM] acting on behalf of a special entity which is near & dear to their hearts... Now ~ when you consider that prospect, it is almost MORE frightful than considering the simpler idea of the 'special entity' acting by themselves... But I'm a classless handicapper of things, so I'll wait for a more reasonable explanation from the corps of experts out there that frequent this blog...

It's all so confusing [to some]...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:25 | Link to Comment Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture

Francis,

Recently, you mean since 1861.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:20 | Link to Comment SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Where did I hear that before? Price controls leads to shortages? Price suppression leads to...???

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:35 | Link to Comment InvestmentMind
InvestmentMind's picture

Hmm, I seem to recall that  too.

Could it have been in Chapter 2 of Econ 101?

Stupid government can't even read 20 pages of basic f*n economics.

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:27 | Link to Comment Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

Hahahaha... you guys are hilarious!

 

 

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:56 | Link to Comment Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

That's a shitty situation.... Ba-dump-bump... Thank you, thank you - donations will be accepted...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 16:58 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Alas, alas, three wipes alas, situation reveals another evidence supercify benefitiality of Chinese citizenism system laudated over 'south' 'american' toilet papery.

Chinese citizenism citizens will never faced such dilemna unless accident resultatings in lossed of dung hand unfortuitously.

'South' 'american' tissued bunghole wiping nature is eternal.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:06 | Link to Comment Capitalist
Capitalist's picture

I always said Venezuela is up shit creek without a paddle... because there is a shortage of paddles.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:12 | Link to Comment edb5s
edb5s's picture

Or up shit's creeek with a turd for a paddle.


Ween - Piss Up a Rope

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:37 | Link to Comment This just in
This just in's picture

This could never happen in the USA.  MOst  Americans don't give a shit.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:41 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

As long as one is UP Shit Creek, one can always float downstream. And that's what we're doing.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:06 | Link to Comment Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture

How many pages does communist manifesto book has: use that.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:06 | Link to Comment Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

PEOPLE!!! JUST STOP TAKING A DUMP!!!

problem solved....

          

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:44 | Link to Comment howenlink
howenlink's picture

The can't get cornmeal, so they don't need toilet paper.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:42 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Tell the hens they need to lay more eggs.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:31 | Link to Comment trichotil
trichotil's picture

just use greenspan's thesis.

oh wait...

 

http://online.barrons.com/article/SB120675340444773623.html

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:07 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Sounds like a paper run...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:34 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

A tropical country can always rely on banana leaves in a crunch such as this!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:14 | Link to Comment Paper CRUSHer
Paper CRUSHer's picture

Yes, I once collected a dozen or so fallen leaves from a mango tree during a trip to remote region in India many years ago.A couple of friends and I cleaned the debris from the leaves in a nearby stream during that day hiking i also noticed that the mango leaves were pretty effective not abrasive one bit and so did the job.

Next time if ya ever runs into a situation such as this,all of the above applies.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:35 | Link to Comment Hulk
Hulk's picture

Dogs make a good backup to tp, just need a little butterscotch...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:48 | Link to Comment orez65
orez65's picture

Just make sure that the mango tree leaves sap doesn't get on your ass.

Many people are allergic to the sap and will get a nasty rash!!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:07 | Link to Comment joak
joak's picture

First I tought they were running out of USD. Then, reading further, I understood I was right. They ran out of toilet paper, hence being unable to buy TP. 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:09 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I tell people all the time to load up on these consumer staples. No one listens. I get the polite nervous laugh.

I have no idea who Dick Trickle is, other than ESPN used to have fun with his name when they talked about Nascar. Seems like a good enough guy. Successful, happy....calls the cops...tells them where to find his body....shoots himself...

what a fucked up world.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:16 | Link to Comment pods
pods's picture

Dick Trickle is dead?  Bummer.

I used to chuckle whenever I heard that name.

Actually, I still do.

pods

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:43 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Oh this won't go over well with the boys.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:38 | Link to Comment ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

A buddy of mine did that a few years ago. He survived Vietnam, PanAm, Eastern, DHL, the FAA, open heart surgery and cardiac arrest. Ready to retire, well off financially, but marital problems. None of us knew how bad he thought it was. Left behind two college age daughters. I have not set foot on that property since and probably never will as I know the exact place where he did it. Too sad.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 12:48 | Link to Comment Peachfuzz
Peachfuzz's picture

Right there with ya man, even got junked on here for saying so.

Heard it here 1/22/13

betting on needing tp is like betting that the sun will come up in the morning. It's been a pretty solid performing tangible asset. lulz

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:09 | Link to Comment BraveSirRobin
BraveSirRobin's picture

I once read a book that extolled a flawed investing "system" (so I will not plug it) but it did give some good advice. It said that if you really think the economic world was going to end, then you should buy a lifetime's supply of soap, toilet paper, and booze. If the end does come, you will have usefull basic necessities you will not otehrwise be able to get (even if you have gold, no one will be producing it) that will be in high demand that you can also barter for perishable goods. If it does not come to pass, then you can still use it, and you will save lots of money because you will not buy it at inflated prices in the future, even at low nominal rates of inflation.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:08 | Link to Comment Acet
Acet's picture

Clearly "los yankes" must behind this. Probably they've poisoned the water supplies of Caracas with some kind of diarhea-inducing chemical.

Or maybe people are just not able to hold their shit for quite as long now that there are no more 8h speeches on TV from Presidente Chaves.

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:10 | Link to Comment earnulf
earnulf's picture

Okay, so you're going to bring in 50 million rolls which will take care of May, what about June or the rest of the months in the year.   Your "shortfall" is 40 million rolls PER MONTH or will there be another shortage next month to divert attention from the fact that people can't find anything to wipe themselves with?

I know governments are "mathematically challenged" given the deficits, but c'mon, isn't anyone in Venz doing basic math besides trying to figure out how to add zeros to the end of the currency stream?

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:26 | Link to Comment jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

50 million rolls is actually 3 rolls per woman and a 1/3 of a roll per man.

In my house that would be a weeks supply of toilet paper.

When neighbours ask my investment advice I tell  them to fill the garage with toilet paper.

I'm used to geting strange looks.

Toilet paper also floats longer than metal for all you sloppy boaters out there.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:02 | Link to Comment ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

No shit (literally?), I can't believe how much toilet paper my wife goes through.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:27 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

30 million people, needing >150 million rolls in a month. That's 5 rolls of TP per person, per month. Either they have a lot of diahrea and someone should look into it, or there is hoarding/misreporting going on.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:59 | Link to Comment BooMushroom
BooMushroom's picture

You're thinking of Scott brand. Take 22 nickels, and go to the dollar store and buy a 4-pack of theirs. You'll notice a difference right away, and need more soon.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:10 | Link to Comment Skin666
Skin666's picture

I need a shit maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:11 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Why don't they just ask the Bernank to print them some moar?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:14 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

Because that would cause massive problems with time dilatation. ;-)

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:13 | Link to Comment Schlomo Bergstein
Schlomo Bergstein's picture

South American instability all but ensures endless demand for US dollars. It's in the fed's interest to have civil wars wage and dictators overthrown.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:13 | Link to Comment thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Quick, someone page Bernanke - QE en español...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:14 | Link to Comment paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

It is hard to know which is more important, toilet paper or beer until you are out of one or the other.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:17 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

As demonstrated daily by a few hundred million Indians toilet paper can be substituted for clean water. Is that possible with beer? So, it seems quite clear which is more important.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:50 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Indians have proven that one doesn't need toilet paper. They use a finger bowl instead. In high class joints, the water in the finger bowl is changed daily.

I'm not sure how many Indians really know what toilet paper is used for in the west.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 14:46 | Link to Comment The_Dude
The_Dude's picture

And they smell like it too....

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:15 | Link to Comment Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Coming to a shitter near you.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:15 | Link to Comment LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

A non-issue, the BRICs will give them gold for that oil...  bring it!!!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:16 | Link to Comment shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Fleming, the commerce minister, said monthly consumption of toilet paper was normally 125 million rolls, but that current demand “leads us to think that 40 million more are required.”

 

We will bring in 50 million to show those groups that they won’t make us bow down,” he said.

 

"We will wipe the smiles from the faces of foreign interventionists."

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:38 | Link to Comment machineh
machineh's picture

"Central planning has never worked before. But this time is different, I assure you!"

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:17 | Link to Comment youngman
youngman's picture

I wonder if we send then paper with Chavez printed on them ..or Maduro...that would be fitting....in a lovley communist red color..

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:44 | Link to Comment machineh
machineh's picture

... because even Venezuelans are smart enough not to accept papel hygiénico with a picture of Evita on it:

http://eurekatravel.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/100-pesos-evita.jpg

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:23 | Link to Comment Sean7k
Sean7k's picture

This is just the bernanke's means of soaking up excess liquidity. South Americans are hoarding dollars ( their own currencies are that bad). Now, I've been told dollars are not particularly good for toilet paper, maybe they need to be used as paper towels?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:24 | Link to Comment Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

What? Hugo is dead??? Last I read they were saying the Cuban health care system had cured him. Now you say he is dead?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:45 | Link to Comment machineh
machineh's picture

They were gonna preserve him ... but there was a shortage of embalming fluid.

Ruined his own immortality ...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:24 | Link to Comment Spectre
Spectre's picture

Would I ever like to see this take place here in the US for about a month. Just mike awaken the sheep for once.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:30 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Obamacare is about to hit.....get ready for lots of stuff to be scarce.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:49 | Link to Comment Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Like doctors!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:06 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

And, actual medical care.

Any doctors left will drop medicaid patients like a stone. Getting reimbursed for services will be a bitch.

Hospitals, required to provide care by law, will be swamped with medicaid patients.

You're better off heading to south Florida and consulting the local Haitian witch doctors.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:32 | Link to Comment Esso
Esso's picture

I've always kind of envied my dogs, not having to worry about toilet paper and all that.

I guess there's something to not having thumbs...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:38 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

If that's indeed so - just chop 'em off. But maybe you want to consider if there's rather something to not having to work:

We must do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors. The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living.

Buckminster Fuller

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:55 | Link to Comment Lebensphilosoph
Lebensphilosoph's picture

Well then, I can just as well take hold of the other end of the stick and say to Bucky: I who do work have no obligation to feed those parasites who refuse to.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:34 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

And that would be fine. You don't have any obligation to care for people who refuse to do so themselves. By the way, I didn't want to talk about you or me. I tried to speculate about what makes a dogs life different (tongue in cheek), which would be the fact that a dog doesn't need to earn a living. (I tried that with my cat. I said: "Hey, cat! Get up and do some work, would you?" Guess what look it gave me ...)

;-)

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:56 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Dogs and cats were endowed by their creator with the ability to lick their own assholes.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:13 | Link to Comment trichotil
trichotil's picture

howard stern uses a finger to shove the baby wipe in for that extra clean feeling.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 18:54 | Link to Comment MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

dafuq? Every living thing must consume to live. "earning a living" means you aren't stealing resources of others to consume so your life continues to the next day. I don't care who you work for, if you live off the land, anything, but if you come a-stealin' you better expect to go home empty handed or don't go home at all.

As for being permanent students many have tried and they are the most broke there ever has been, not only without a means to find resources but demanding resources of everyone else, going in debt to do so. Fuller was way wrong on that one. You must be self-sufficient to be a permanent student.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:49 | Link to Comment Satan
Satan's picture

One word: dingleberry.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:58 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:44 | Link to Comment TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

That's why I never allow the dog inside the house.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:32 | Link to Comment somecallmetimmah
somecallmetimmah's picture

Yeah, but look how they DO wash their dingle-pinchers...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:38 | Link to Comment zhanglini
zhanglini's picture

It's interesting that you have dollar bills as toilet paper in the picture...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:39 | Link to Comment cheetahbaby
cheetahbaby's picture

A nation of "hole-pickers" due to incessant anal itching. Socialist paradise!!!! CB

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:48 | Link to Comment Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Soviet Union also had toilet paper hoarding, and people found it necessary/part of reality/couldn't envision a society any other way/sucking the cocks of dictators was their daily life.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:59 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

The quality of soviet toilet paper was noteworthy. I didn't say "good", "fair" or even "poor"; I said "noteworthy". Indians probably brought their own finger bowls when they visited the SU.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:45 | Link to Comment Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

What a farce - and these clowns have Bolivar on their currency!

He said, TEMPORARY dictatorial powers in time of crisis (like Founding of a Country in the New World, for God's sake!) to preserve the Consitutional Republic, not a permanent dictatorship for the benefit of a few.

Venezuelans, just like the Cubans, didn't get the real memo - must be the Sun in that part of the world.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:44 | Link to Comment tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

what did Bolivar wipe his ass with?

the Venzuleans should start growing this:

cowboy toilet paper

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:54 | Link to Comment Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Sure beats using poison ivy!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:11 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Got some in my yard. Viva la ass-wipe revolution!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:10 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I can forsee a mass migration to America's cornbelt where there's corn cobs aplenty.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:46 | Link to Comment Satan
Satan's picture

You know how you just finish a shit and you realise you out of paper and the stash is kept in the other bathroom? Just imagine an entire nation doing the " funny walk "!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 08:54 | Link to Comment Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

Ain't that spelled "Silly Walks" and is administered by a special ministry?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:00 | Link to Comment Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

La Marche Futile!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggWvA5M8bUU

Tres bon!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:12 | Link to Comment 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Apparently, toilet paper shortages (real or imagined) aren't just for Johnny Carson and the United States anymore:

 

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/01/johnny-carson-once-caused-a-month-long-toilet-paper-shortage/

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:20 | Link to Comment Hulk
Hulk's picture

Don't cook for me, Christina Ramos...

(dont cry for me, argentina)

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:21 | Link to Comment Graph
Graph's picture

It is amazing how many Amers find a TRUE comfort in other peoples misery. We are talking about nation that has a constant drum beat of being uniquely compassionate! "Because we are Americans.." remember that?

Like. this story is final proof how what we have in here, for which a normal person can not even find a definition, really works!

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:54 | Link to Comment Shevva
Shevva's picture

What?

It's funny cause everyone runs out of toilet paper before, the intresting list would be what they used in place, I'm guessing under pants if your in a public toilet.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 18:30 | Link to Comment MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

the misery is not funny, but the fact they were told this would happen if they used price controls, used them, made it happen, then keep insisting it can't be price controls that are the problem, that makes them the target of mockery. They went full retard. Again.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 18:35 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Like our pols are one far stretch of common sense removed form the same ideas....

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:24 | Link to Comment Frastric
Frastric's picture

The first coup to use... toilet rolls to overthrow a government.

The CIA are getting lazy...

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:38 | Link to Comment MFLTucson
MFLTucson's picture

Send them some dollars!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:44 | Link to Comment NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

Silver lining: Newspaper industry up 120% in the last 2 weeks

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:04 | Link to Comment edifice
edifice's picture

Ouch.  Two things spark revolutions: When a man can't afford to eat, and when a man can't take a comfortable shit.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 09:56 | Link to Comment Tombstone
Tombstone's picture

Benny has solved that problem here by printing up a few billion more $100 bills, just in case.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:03 | Link to Comment FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

It's not very satisfying to wipe your ass with digital currency. (Unless, from an Indian perspective, those digits are your own.)

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:04 | Link to Comment DonGenaro
DonGenaro's picture

what they need now is central fanning

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:05 | Link to Comment maneco
maneco's picture

Better get a bidet!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 15:38 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

I have never understood the advantage of a bidet.

So, instead of a shitty ass, after using one you have .... a wet, shitty ass.
Then what?

I don't know if my morning, um, product is thicker than average, but I can assure you that NO amount of sprayed water, by itself, without soap and scrubbing, is going to wash my posterior clean. 
So for me, it is either toilet paper, or a shower --- preferably both, and in that order.  Any feeble and ineffective spray of water without the full shower is simply the worst of all possible options.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 18:37 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

akak, that was ... helpful?

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 19:29 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

Perhaps not, but I have always wanted to give voice to that particular opinion without ever previously having had the appropriate venue for doing so.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:20 | Link to Comment GoldenGal
GoldenGal's picture

Yup I am a tp stacker and not ashamed to admit it! It doesn't go bad even if there never is a shortage of it, I poop good at night knowing how much tp I have stacked.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:24 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Bernanke: "Must. Make. Venezuela. Join. Club Fed of Central Bankers. Just like all the others."

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:34 | Link to Comment The Abstraction...
The Abstraction of Justice's picture

Quick tip for reducing usage of toilet paper, always good for Mad Max times- this I learnt from an Finnish hotel - use a shower with a long piping to rinse, so that the only function of the paper is to dry your arse. The Finnish hotel I stayed in had a dedicated shower for this purpose alone.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:09 | Link to Comment trichotil
trichotil's picture

hang ass over edge of tub,

shower massage in one hand

bar of soap in the other,

go to town

towel dry.

yes my dirty hands are perfectly clean after

rubbing them with a dry paper towel

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 12:28 | Link to Comment Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture

The Abstraction,

The French have something similar: it's call bidet. Many high end houses in US have it too.  Not that expensive.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:37 | Link to Comment TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

In Argentina most of us have "bidets". So no panicking down here.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 10:58 | Link to Comment orez65
orez65's picture

"... Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper

This is truly a storm in a toilet pot!!

Cuba has not had toilet paper for 50 years, except now at hotels.

Why do you think their official newspaper Granma is ravedly "read" by Cubans?

Historical trivia:

"Granma" was the name of the yacht, purchased in the US, and used by Fidel Castro on his "invasion" of Cuba, circa late 1950's. 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 23:19 | Link to Comment MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Truly, this clip has been waiting for an article of this magnitude.

"Beware my friend, shit-winds are a comin"

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:04 | Link to Comment They trynna cat...
They trynna catch me ridin dirty's picture

"I've come to kick ass and print toilet paper. And I'm all out of toilet paper."

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 11:05 | Link to Comment trichotil
trichotil's picture

looks like they got cheesepopes on their joobux too, what a coincidence!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 12:52 | Link to Comment EhKnowKneeMass
EhKnowKneeMass's picture

Water!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 13:52 | Link to Comment bugs_
bugs_'s picture

Gresham's law

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 14:38 | Link to Comment eaglerock
eaglerock's picture

Mr. Hanky must be in his glory!

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 15:28 | Link to Comment Flying Tiger Comics
Flying Tiger Comics's picture

Third worlders use toilet paper?

 

Who knew.

 

I learn something new about continental europe and south america every day.

 

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 18:22 | Link to Comment MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

excessive demand? If that's true then there must be bouts of diarrhea or... people stacking shedloads and boatloads of TP. Or... fucking price controls CAUSE SHORTAGES. Dafuq.

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 19:32 | Link to Comment kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Funny how government could steal so much that they impoverish an entire people that should be comfortable if it were not for the government thieves and murderers.

      hujel

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 19:42 | Link to Comment kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

To be heard one day in the US of the future:

Gun and badge thug (GBT): "Sir, step out of the car. Are you transporting any weapons, precious metals or toilet paper."

Mundane: "Well?!"

GBT: "You know that being in possession of more toilet paper than your daily allotment is a felony, don't you?

Mundane: "But, but, my kids..."

GBT: "Please stand still while I taze you into a coma and take you to the station for sentencing."

                 hujel

Fri, 05/17/2013 - 22:00 | Link to Comment Monedas
Monedas's picture

Tourists in Venezuela report seeing more turds in the surf !

Sun, 05/19/2013 - 15:03 | Link to Comment dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

That's going to be U.S. soon. Same reason, puffed-up monkeys in charge.

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