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Venezuela Runs Out Of Toilet Paper
To vaguely paraphrase Mike Tyson, "everyone has a plan for a socialist utopia, until they run out of toilet paper."
This is just what happened to Venezuela, where in the image vacuum left following the death of leader Hugo Chavez, things are rapidly falling apart for the oil-rich country. And just like in the US, it's Bush's fault, or at least the local such equivalent.
AP reports: "First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the embattled socialist government says it will import 50 million rolls to boost supplies. That was little comfort to consumers struggling to find toilet paper on Wednesday. “This is the last straw,” said Manuel Fagundes, a shopper hunting for tissue in downtown Caracas. “I’m 71 years old and this is the first time I’ve seen this.” One supermarket visited by The Associated Press in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread. “I’ve been looking for it for two weeks,” said Cristina Ramos. “I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line.”
All of this this is quite surprising: because while one may not be able eat gold, one may certainly use fiat, especially fiat of any regime in the last throes of economic collapse and where staggered currency devaluation is now a periodic fact, as precisely the noted commodity in short supply.
Artist's conception of what the country's TP (single-ply) may soon look like: all it would take are a few more sequential devaluations.

More:
Economists say Venezuela’s shortages stem from price controls meant to make basic goods available to the poorest parts of society and the government’s controls on foreign currency.
“State-controlled prices — prices that are set below market-clearing price — always result in shortages. The shortage problem will only get worse, as it did over the years in the Soviet Union,” said Steve Hanke, professor of economics at Johns Hopkins University.
President Nicolas Maduro, who was selected by the dying Hugo Chavez to carry on his “Bolivarian revolution,” claims that anti-government forces, including the private sector, are causing the shortages in an effort to destabilize the country.
The government this week announced it would import 760,000 tons of food and 50 million rolls of toilet paper.
Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming blamed the shortage of toilet tissue on “excessive demand” built up as a result of “a media campaign that has been generated to disrupt the country.”
“The revolution will bring the country the equivalent of 50 million rolls of toilet paper,” he was quoted as saying Tuesday by state news agency AVN. “We are going to saturate the market so that our people calm down.”
Finance Minister Nelson Merentes said the government was also addressing the lack of foreign currency, which has resulted in the suspension of foreign supplies of raw materials, equipment and spare parts to Venezuelan companies, disrupting their production.
“We are making progress … we have to work very hard,” Merentes told reporters Wednesday.
Many factories operate at half capacity because the currency controls make it hard for them to pay for imported parts and materials. Business leaders say some companies verge on bankruptcy because they cannot extend lines of credit with foreign suppliers.
Merentes said the government had met the U.S. dollar requests of some 1,500 small- and medium-sized companies facing supply problems, and was reviewing requests from a similar number of larger companies.
Chavez imposed currency controls a decade ago trying to stem capital flight as his government expropriated large land parcels and dozens of businesses.
Anointed by Chavez as his successor before the president died from cancer, Maduro won a close presidential election April 14 against opposition candidate Henrique Capriles, who refused to accept the result, claiming Maduro won through fraud and voter intimidation. He filed a complaint to the Supreme Court, asking for the vote to be annulled, though that’s highly unlikely to happen since the court is packed with government-friendly justices.
Still, central planning refuses to be defeated in the face of the TP crisis:
Fleming, the commerce minister, said monthly consumption of toilet paper was normally 125 million rolls, but that current demand “leads us to think that 40 million more are required.”
“We will bring in 50 million to show those groups that they won’t make us bow down,” he said.
Alternatively, if the government is not merely paranoid, and if indeed this is just another CIA-inspired tactic to overthrow the government, then the Langley brain trust will have redeemed itself for the recent humiliation in Russia by showing the world it can truly think outside of the toilet box.
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They should contact Argentina....I hear they have lots of TP....there they call it the Peso. Next on the list, USSA.
Just blame it all on Hugo......works in the US.
Or blame it all on Bruno ..... worked for JPMorgue.
Works well on almost any setting or level.
Remember that guy?
His fault!!!
They went that-a-way! ;)
Congrats ZH on the best paraphrase of all time.
But will it be enough to impress Joe Kernan?
I just took a Hugo Chavez - someone pass me some pesos. Viva la revolution. Oh no... I got the Che Guevara again. More pesos please.
I find it pretty difficult to find fault with other country's leaders while enduring the reign of O'bama.
Pretty ballsy statement.
You're not afraid of the IRS and the Cheetas?
You can't wipe, er, make this shit up anymore...
It's like Groundhog Day.
I hear WB7 has printed millions of rolls BenieClownBux's and can ship at a moments notice.
And, to blame Bush once again, well, that's just a fecal smear campaign.
I don't suppose they grow much corn down there, do they?
De-kerneled cobs do have several utility values.
They are not doing a very good job of intercepting their citizens telecommunications data. They had to print it out on rolls of paper.
Yes, they just have a little bit of a head start on us.
Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming blamed the shortage of toilet tissue on “excessive demand” built up as a result of “a media campaign that has been generated to disrupt the country.”
It appears media smells the same where ever you may be....
I recall a shortage of toilet paper here in the early/mid 70s caused by a joke by Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show.
I recall a shortage of gasoline here in the 70's caused by government price controls.
I recall a shortage of TRUTH very recently caused by government FREEDOM OF SPEECH controls...
No no lets laugh at Venezuela.
Venezuela... Hmmm... OK ~ here's Venezuala in a nutshell...
~~~
- Chavez asked for their gold back
- He got it
- He also got DEAD shortly thereafter
~~~
CONCLUSION:
Cartel Central Bank coming to Venezuela in 5...4...3...2... [which also means, laterally, that ZH 'servers' would be, unwelcome, in Venezuela, shortly]...
QuesoPapa's bitchez!
~~~
BTW ~ I suppose a 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' [4 years] is in order for the 'ZH Manifesto' [copied below]
Submitted by Zero Hedge on 05/17/2009 21:03 -0400
our mission:
our method: pseudonymous speech...
anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority. it thus exemplifies the purpose behind the bill of rights, and of the first amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation-- and their ideas from suppression-- at the hand of an intolerant society.
...responsibly used.
the right to remain anonymous may be abused when it shields fraudulent conduct. but political speech by its nature will sometimes have unpalatable consequences, and, in general, our society accords greater weight to the value of free speech than to the dangers of its misuse.
- mcintyre v. ohio elections commission 514 u.s. 334 (1995) justice stevens writing for the majority
though often maligned (typically by those frustrated by an inability to engage in ad hominem attacks) anonymous speech has a long and storied history in the united states. used by the likes of mark twain (aka samuel langhorne clemens) to criticize common ignorance, and perhaps most famously by alexander hamilton, james madison and john jay (aka publius) to write the federalist papers, we think ourselves in good company in using one or another nom de plume. particularly in light of an emerging trend against vocalizing public dissent in the united states, we believe in the critical importance of anonymity and its role in dissident speech. like the economist magazine, we also believe that keeping authorship anonymous moves the focus of discussion to the content of speech and away from the speaker- as it should be. we believe not only that you should be comfortable with anonymous speech in such an environment, but that you should be suspicious of any speech that isn't.
~~~
On the 'TRUTH' path [francis_sawyer trying to live up to the ZH Manifesto, on the eve of its birthday]... Yesterday I made a comment to SMG [about 'THIS 'ERS & 'THAT'ERS ~ as is, it's NOT this, it's THAT]...
Seems to me I remember him always going on about 'Luciferians'... OK ~ Let's take that one out for a spin...
I'm no legal genius, but I'm seriously doubting that there's anything in Swiss Law that can get you sued for talking about 'Luciferians'... I mean, WTF?... Is 'discrimination' against 'Luciferians' a crime in Switzerland?... Are they actually a 'race'... 'Religion' I'll leave aside, & besides, I've always said IT.HAS.NOTHING.TO.DO.WITH.RELIGION.
Anyway ~ The only logical thing to conclude in this matter is that 'some entity' is being protected... Following that path... If 'Luciferians' aren't the ones being protected, or, just for shits & grins, say, "Syrians", [& I'll just bundle up the 'Syrians' with that, because, if anything, it's 24/7 open season on 'Syrians' who nobody seems to give a FF about save for which bombs to torpedo them with]...
So, if SMG's efforts to shine the spotlight on "Luciferian's" is flawed... Then there are only two possible conclusions:
1. He's FOS
2. He's 'correct'... But if he is, how do you skate around the unlikelihood that anybody would ever win a court case that accused someone of 'discriminating' against 'Luciferians'? [there would be no need to post 'anti-discrimination' clauses on your webpage]... So while the 'Luciferian' ANGLE may still hold water, it can only mean that if the 'Luciferians' are behind anything, & if it's not a defense for THEMSELVES [which would seem an absurd court case, to ME anyway], then INSTEAD, they're [assuminbg it's THEM] acting on behalf of a special entity which is near & dear to their hearts... Now ~ when you consider that prospect, it is almost MORE frightful than considering the simpler idea of the 'special entity' acting by themselves... But I'm a classless handicapper of things, so I'll wait for a more reasonable explanation from the corps of experts out there that frequent this blog...
It's all so confusing [to some]...
Francis,
Recently, you mean since 1861.
Where did I hear that before? Price controls leads to shortages? Price suppression leads to...???
Hmm, I seem to recall that too.
Could it have been in Chapter 2 of Econ 101?
Stupid government can't even read 20 pages of basic f*n economics.
Hahahaha... you guys are hilarious!
That's a shitty situation.... Ba-dump-bump... Thank you, thank you - donations will be accepted...
http://www.thegreatcornholio.com/images/cornholio/corn.gif
Alas, alas, three wipes alas, situation reveals another evidence supercify benefitiality of Chinese citizenism system laudated over 'south' 'american' toilet papery.
Chinese citizenism citizens will never faced such dilemna unless accident resultatings in lossed of dung hand unfortuitously.
'South' 'american' tissued bunghole wiping nature is eternal.
I always said Venezuela is up shit creek without a paddle... because there is a shortage of paddles.
Or up shit's creeek with a turd for a paddle.
Ween - Piss Up a Rope
This could never happen in the USA. MOst Americans don't give a shit.
As long as one is UP Shit Creek, one can always float downstream. And that's what we're doing.
How many pages does communist manifesto book has: use that.
PEOPLE!!! JUST STOP TAKING A DUMP!!!
problem solved....
The can't get cornmeal, so they don't need toilet paper.
Tell the hens they need to lay more eggs.
just use greenspan's thesis.
oh wait...
http://online.barrons.com/article/SB120675340444773623.html
Sounds like a paper run...
A tropical country can always rely on banana leaves in a crunch such as this!
Yes, I once collected a dozen or so fallen leaves from a mango tree during a trip to remote region in India many years ago.A couple of friends and I cleaned the debris from the leaves in a nearby stream during that day hiking i also noticed that the mango leaves were pretty effective not abrasive one bit and so did the job.
Next time if ya ever runs into a situation such as this,all of the above applies.
Dogs make a good backup to tp, just need a little butterscotch...
Just make sure that the mango tree leaves sap doesn't get on your ass.
Many people are allergic to the sap and will get a nasty rash!!
First I tought they were running out of USD. Then, reading further, I understood I was right. They ran out of toilet paper, hence being unable to buy TP.
I tell people all the time to load up on these consumer staples. No one listens. I get the polite nervous laugh.
I have no idea who Dick Trickle is, other than ESPN used to have fun with his name when they talked about Nascar. Seems like a good enough guy. Successful, happy....calls the cops...tells them where to find his body....shoots himself...
what a fucked up world.
Dick Trickle is dead? Bummer.
I used to chuckle whenever I heard that name.
Actually, I still do.
pods
Oh this won't go over well with the boys.
A buddy of mine did that a few years ago. He survived Vietnam, PanAm, Eastern, DHL, the FAA, open heart surgery and cardiac arrest. Ready to retire, well off financially, but marital problems. None of us knew how bad he thought it was. Left behind two college age daughters. I have not set foot on that property since and probably never will as I know the exact place where he did it. Too sad.
Right there with ya man, even got junked on here for saying so.
Heard it here 1/22/13
betting on needing tp is like betting that the sun will come up in the morning. It's been a pretty solid performing tangible asset. lulz
I once read a book that extolled a flawed investing "system" (so I will not plug it) but it did give some good advice. It said that if you really think the economic world was going to end, then you should buy a lifetime's supply of soap, toilet paper, and booze. If the end does come, you will have usefull basic necessities you will not otehrwise be able to get (even if you have gold, no one will be producing it) that will be in high demand that you can also barter for perishable goods. If it does not come to pass, then you can still use it, and you will save lots of money because you will not buy it at inflated prices in the future, even at low nominal rates of inflation.
Clearly "los yankes" must behind this. Probably they've poisoned the water supplies of Caracas with some kind of diarhea-inducing chemical.
Or maybe people are just not able to hold their shit for quite as long now that there are no more 8h speeches on TV from Presidente Chaves.
Okay, so you're going to bring in 50 million rolls which will take care of May, what about June or the rest of the months in the year. Your "shortfall" is 40 million rolls PER MONTH or will there be another shortage next month to divert attention from the fact that people can't find anything to wipe themselves with?
I know governments are "mathematically challenged" given the deficits, but c'mon, isn't anyone in Venz doing basic math besides trying to figure out how to add zeros to the end of the currency stream?
50 million rolls is actually 3 rolls per woman and a 1/3 of a roll per man.
In my house that would be a weeks supply of toilet paper.
When neighbours ask my investment advice I tell them to fill the garage with toilet paper.
I'm used to geting strange looks.
Toilet paper also floats longer than metal for all you sloppy boaters out there.
No shit (literally?), I can't believe how much toilet paper my wife goes through.
30 million people, needing >150 million rolls in a month. That's 5 rolls of TP per person, per month. Either they have a lot of diahrea and someone should look into it, or there is hoarding/misreporting going on.
You're thinking of Scott brand. Take 22 nickels, and go to the dollar store and buy a 4-pack of theirs. You'll notice a difference right away, and need more soon.
I need a shit maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn
Why don't they just ask the Bernank to print them some moar?
Because that would cause massive problems with time dilatation. ;-)
South American instability all but ensures endless demand for US dollars. It's in the fed's interest to have civil wars wage and dictators overthrown.
Quick, someone page Bernanke - QE en español...
It is hard to know which is more important, toilet paper or beer until you are out of one or the other.
As demonstrated daily by a few hundred million Indians toilet paper can be substituted for clean water. Is that possible with beer? So, it seems quite clear which is more important.
Indians have proven that one doesn't need toilet paper. They use a finger bowl instead. In high class joints, the water in the finger bowl is changed daily.
I'm not sure how many Indians really know what toilet paper is used for in the west.
And they smell like it too....
Coming to a shitter near you.
A non-issue, the BRICs will give them gold for that oil... bring it!!!
"Central planning has never worked before. But this time is different, I assure you!"
I wonder if we send then paper with Chavez printed on them ..or Maduro...that would be fitting....in a lovley communist red color..
... because even Venezuelans are smart enough not to accept papel hygiénico with a picture of Evita on it:
http://eurekatravel.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/100-pesos-evita.jpg
This is just the bernanke's means of soaking up excess liquidity. South Americans are hoarding dollars ( their own currencies are that bad). Now, I've been told dollars are not particularly good for toilet paper, maybe they need to be used as paper towels?
What? Hugo is dead??? Last I read they were saying the Cuban health care system had cured him. Now you say he is dead?
They were gonna preserve him ... but there was a shortage of embalming fluid.
Ruined his own immortality ...
Would I ever like to see this take place here in the US for about a month. Just mike awaken the sheep for once.
Obamacare is about to hit.....get ready for lots of stuff to be scarce.
Like doctors!
And, actual medical care.
Any doctors left will drop medicaid patients like a stone. Getting reimbursed for services will be a bitch.
Hospitals, required to provide care by law, will be swamped with medicaid patients.
You're better off heading to south Florida and consulting the local Haitian witch doctors.
I've always kind of envied my dogs, not having to worry about toilet paper and all that.
I guess there's something to not having thumbs...
If that's indeed so - just chop 'em off. But maybe you want to consider if there's rather something to not having to work:
We must do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors. The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living.
Buckminster Fuller
Well then, I can just as well take hold of the other end of the stick and say to Bucky: I who do work have no obligation to feed those parasites who refuse to.
And that would be fine. You don't have any obligation to care for people who refuse to do so themselves. By the way, I didn't want to talk about you or me. I tried to speculate about what makes a dogs life different (tongue in cheek), which would be the fact that a dog doesn't need to earn a living. (I tried that with my cat. I said: "Hey, cat! Get up and do some work, would you?" Guess what look it gave me ...)
;-)
Dogs and cats were endowed by their creator with the ability to lick their own assholes.
howard stern uses a finger to shove the baby wipe in for that extra clean feeling.
dafuq? Every living thing must consume to live. "earning a living" means you aren't stealing resources of others to consume so your life continues to the next day. I don't care who you work for, if you live off the land, anything, but if you come a-stealin' you better expect to go home empty handed or don't go home at all.
As for being permanent students many have tried and they are the most broke there ever has been, not only without a means to find resources but demanding resources of everyone else, going in debt to do so. Fuller was way wrong on that one. You must be self-sufficient to be a permanent student.
One word: dingleberry.
Prefer this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFvkr6GBWLw
That's why I never allow the dog inside the house.
Yeah, but look how they DO wash their dingle-pinchers...
It's interesting that you have dollar bills as toilet paper in the picture...
A nation of "hole-pickers" due to incessant anal itching. Socialist paradise!!!! CB
Soviet Union also had toilet paper hoarding, and people found it necessary/part of reality/couldn't envision a society any other way/sucking the cocks of dictators was their daily life.
The quality of soviet toilet paper was noteworthy. I didn't say "good", "fair" or even "poor"; I said "noteworthy". Indians probably brought their own finger bowls when they visited the SU.
What a farce - and these clowns have Bolivar on their currency!
He said, TEMPORARY dictatorial powers in time of crisis (like Founding of a Country in the New World, for God's sake!) to preserve the Consitutional Republic, not a permanent dictatorship for the benefit of a few.
Venezuelans, just like the Cubans, didn't get the real memo - must be the Sun in that part of the world.
what did Bolivar wipe his ass with?
the Venzuleans should start growing this:
cowboy toilet paper
Sure beats using poison ivy!
Got some in my yard. Viva la ass-wipe revolution!
I can forsee a mass migration to America's cornbelt where there's corn cobs aplenty.
You know how you just finish a shit and you realise you out of paper and the stash is kept in the other bathroom? Just imagine an entire nation doing the " funny walk "!
Ain't that spelled "Silly Walks" and is administered by a special ministry?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w
La Marche Futile!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggWvA5M8bUU
Tres bon!
Apparently, toilet paper shortages (real or imagined) aren't just for Johnny Carson and the United States anymore:
http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/01/johnny-carson-once-caused-a-month-long-toilet-paper-shortage/
Don't cook for me, Christina Ramos...
(dont cry for me, argentina)
It is amazing how many Amers find a TRUE comfort in other peoples misery. We are talking about nation that has a constant drum beat of being uniquely compassionate! "Because we are Americans.." remember that?
Like. this story is final proof how what we have in here, for which a normal person can not even find a definition, really works!
What?
It's funny cause everyone runs out of toilet paper before, the intresting list would be what they used in place, I'm guessing under pants if your in a public toilet.
the misery is not funny, but the fact they were told this would happen if they used price controls, used them, made it happen, then keep insisting it can't be price controls that are the problem, that makes them the target of mockery. They went full retard. Again.
Like our pols are one far stretch of common sense removed form the same ideas....
The first coup to use... toilet rolls to overthrow a government.
The CIA are getting lazy...
Send them some dollars!
Silver lining: Newspaper industry up 120% in the last 2 weeks
Ouch. Two things spark revolutions: When a man can't afford to eat, and when a man can't take a comfortable shit.
Benny has solved that problem here by printing up a few billion more $100 bills, just in case.
It's not very satisfying to wipe your ass with digital currency. (Unless, from an Indian perspective, those digits are your own.)
Believe it or not the youtube FOFOA channel actually features a video on that - one of their first ever videos.
what they need now is central fanning
Better get a bidet!
I have never understood the advantage of a bidet.
So, instead of a shitty ass, after using one you have .... a wet, shitty ass.
Then what?
I don't know if my morning, um, product is thicker than average, but I can assure you that NO amount of sprayed water, by itself, without soap and scrubbing, is going to wash my posterior clean.
So for me, it is either toilet paper, or a shower --- preferably both, and in that order. Any feeble and ineffective spray of water without the full shower is simply the worst of all possible options.
akak, that was ... helpful?
Perhaps not, but I have always wanted to give voice to that particular opinion without ever previously having had the appropriate venue for doing so.
Yup I am a tp stacker and not ashamed to admit it! It doesn't go bad even if there never is a shortage of it, I poop good at night knowing how much tp I have stacked.
Bernanke: "Must. Make. Venezuela. Join. Club Fed of Central Bankers. Just like all the others."
Quick tip for reducing usage of toilet paper, always good for Mad Max times- this I learnt from an Finnish hotel - use a shower with a long piping to rinse, so that the only function of the paper is to dry your arse. The Finnish hotel I stayed in had a dedicated shower for this purpose alone.
hang ass over edge of tub,
shower massage in one hand
bar of soap in the other,
go to town
towel dry.
yes my dirty hands are perfectly clean after
rubbing them with a dry paper towel
The Abstraction,
The French have something similar: it's call bidet. Many high end houses in US have it too. Not that expensive.
In Argentina most of us have "bidets". So no panicking down here.
"... Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper
This is truly a storm in a toilet pot!!
Cuba has not had toilet paper for 50 years, except now at hotels.
Why do you think their official newspaper Granma is ravedly "read" by Cubans?
Historical trivia:
"Granma" was the name of the yacht, purchased in the US, and used by Fidel Castro on his "invasion" of Cuba, circa late 1950's.
Truly, this clip has been waiting for an article of this magnitude.
"Beware my friend, shit-winds are a comin"
"I've come to kick ass and print toilet paper. And I'm all out of toilet paper."
looks like they got cheesepopes on their joobux too, what a coincidence!
Water!
Gresham's law
Mr. Hanky must be in his glory!
Third worlders use toilet paper?
Who knew.
I learn something new about continental europe and south america every day.
excessive demand? If that's true then there must be bouts of diarrhea or... people stacking shedloads and boatloads of TP. Or... fucking price controls CAUSE SHORTAGES. Dafuq.
Funny how government could steal so much that they impoverish an entire people that should be comfortable if it were not for the government thieves and murderers.
hujel
To be heard one day in the US of the future:
Gun and badge thug (GBT): "Sir, step out of the car. Are you transporting any weapons, precious metals or toilet paper."
Mundane: "Well?!"
GBT: "You know that being in possession of more toilet paper than your daily allotment is a felony, don't you?
Mundane: "But, but, my kids..."
GBT: "Please stand still while I taze you into a coma and take you to the station for sentencing."
hujel
Tourists in Venezuela report seeing more turds in the surf !
That's going to be U.S. soon. Same reason, puffed-up monkeys in charge.