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Saturday Humor: The Fed Is Hiring
Now that the Federal Reserve has hired every single pennystock trader and momentum-chasing algo in the world (or at least is enjoying Citadel's helping hand in regards to the latter) it is time for the Fed's human resources department to branch out and fill those really important gaping holes.
Great job opportunity! Penetration Tester: rfer.us/FRS5ERsd.
— Federal Reserve Jobs (@FedReserveJobs) May 18, 2013
h/t @shark_wahlberg
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What sick fucks.
Send in your App to Ben Dover..
God knows they've raped enough bears.This must be about the bulls.
I expect an immedate lateral move from Congressman to "Penetration Tester" for Bawney Fwank.
Don't worry Bernanke will give you a reach around, now throw yourself over that desk.
Hey I thought QE was the penetration test?
If you could fill the hole in my lock, I would be pleased.
This was only a test penetration. If this had been an actual emergency penetration, you would have been instructed to tune to one of the MSM broadcast stations in your area.
Think he's a testee, not tester. Volunteer, of course.
Hey! The job comes with the Mrs. Bernake's personal vibrating dingalo (nicknamed "Ben, Sweetie")! As we all know, the Benake does not believe in lube for anyone or any reason.
FORWARD SOVIET! FORWARD THE FEDERAL SHAFT!
Here an actual FED job ad from the 80s. Begins with a huge slip-up, tells you all from the horses mouth (= not a government institution).
http://bit.ly/14h30JW
Career Perspectives in American Banking
"We work so closely with the Government to insure stability in the American banking system, that some people think we're a branch of the Government. Actually, we're not."
Penetration tester.
Just the tip.
Promise.
I applied and was told I was overqualified for the position.
Are they fucked?
Yep. They're reeally fucked.
Keep up the good work!
Qualified applicants must have at least three years experience working in a fast paced, high volume, lube-free environment.
Used to be they just called us "Tax Payers".
penetration tester! LOL
must be able to work in tandem with smell checker
Signing bonus for applicants with double-penetration expertise! (Please submit photo documentation.)
You sure thats only one finger, doc?
"One size fists all".
"Is it in yet?" It'll crack your doc up. But he might not be so gentle next time..
Why does he have two hands on my shoulders?
You certain that doctor's board certified?
Ah. That explains the "gaping" holes.
"Drop your shorts and bend over, Mr. Babar."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-zf2UBp7fY
When I was young, my Dad always said, "Benny, find something you're passionate about."
Blankfein looks really impressed
This stress test is clearly the best
The results are OK
Let's hope Lloyd is gay
Or Ben could be under arrest
The Limerick King
That made my day Billy-7. A "Tickle Me Elmo", moment.
Shear twisted laughter!
Moon River - Breakfast at Tiffanys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7SI7N22k_A
LOUIS ARMSTRONG ~ Moon River ~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd_JDrnBMMA
Bend over Mr. Barbar ---- 1:59 in..... MOOooon River...Whooh Hey Doc, ever serve time?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-zf2UBp7fY
Do it again... Do it agian Benny!
Whats the news on Goldman are they in need of "Fed Stimulus", perhaps a "Fed Injection" to help prop them up.
Lloyd likes it.
Penetrate this.
Just got junked by Lloyd's prostate instructor.
No....Another fuck'n keyboard...Banzai you fucker, post warnings.....Fuck!
Mrs Canuck pushing this new juice...burns like hell in the nasal cavity, and sticky as Bens fingers right now....Fuck!
Keep up the Hilarioous work......JUST POST A WARNING! I know you have in the past...lol
Sticky Canuck
after my last few bonus communications i can probably be converted to a tool to test for penetration....
Must know how to swap out ink cartridges. Others need not apply.
Work description: Give Lord Blankfein morning BJ and Dimon his afternoon hand job.
I'd give 'em each a Hot Carl. Gratis.
Just sayin'.
We need more money from you peasants to create new jobs
Debt ceiling: Treasury starts juggling act
"Penetration Tester" job description - determine how many more people we can anally penetrate.
How the hell.....did Williambanzai7 become head of HR at the FED ??!!!!!
LOL !!!!!!!
Are you sure they didnt mean penetration takers?
Counterfeiter worried about other counterfeiters counterfeiting their counterfeit.
You'll get banned using the "C" word like that!
New policy round here Ya'know
I'd point any naive young job seekers to a take a holiday first: I've heard Qin Shi Huang's tomb is amazing. It remains largely unexplored, largely due to lack of technology and mercury contamination (the Emperor believed that mercury would give him eternal life, but ended up poisoning him), and because its secret defenses and location were protected at the time by a simple technique:
After Qin Shi Huang's death, the principal craftsmen of the hypogeum were walled up on the orders of the second emperor, as a precaution against their betraying their secrets.
Any time the 2nd emperor decides to kill off the 'principal craftsmen' you have to assume its because... The previous emperor was buried without any treasure. I mean, really, if you just became emperor, would you entomb the previous emperor with all the riches he designated, or say you did? And who can really prove you wrong? Just those pesky 'principal craftsmen'... Much like modern gold vaults then.
You going to offer to penetration test that tomb just to make sure?
What sequestration?
Do they want someone to break in and print more money???
Didn’t you read the fine print? H-1B Program need only apply.
I am sure the right applicant lives in North Korea, Russia, China.....
They prefer former SEC employees as they're "natural fits."
Well I think this job app will get more resumes than "Penetration Testee."
Just sayin.
pods
"Only high caliber candidates will be considered. Flexibility is a must. Good suction is a plus. Dressing code may depend on the customer wish."
I'm not in a humorous mood Tyler. I'm trying to change my avatar and my email client is working fine. Nothing is copyrighted, yet I keep getting bounced back to the password page. cCare to elaborate?
I think the $/¥ is going to get smashed next week...
Check the image size (both widthxheight and KB). The Avatars have to be pretty tiny to upload, otherwise the server will simply reject them, it won't auto-resize for you.
Maximum dimensions are 40x40 and the maximum size is 150 kB. Try http://www.picresize.com/ if you can't do it yourself in Blimp / Paint whatever.
(Disclosure: no idea if that site is ok, was the first search result for "free image resizing". The trackers look ok, barring http://extremetracking.com/?kudo which looks a little invasive. If you're not blocking via Ghostery, consider doing it yourself).
Thanks. The image isn't complicated.
I'm just downloading via a small file on my laptop. I'll double check. Thanks for your help.:-)
Remember: Destroy the image and you will break the enemy ;-)
Will Do #7
Always strip the EXIF data before uploading pictures as well.
I applied and said I have a big penis. They'll have to interview me first but I don't know if they'll be coming to me or flying me out to Dallas to visit them.
Uh ... hate to break it to you, but the penetration you will be testing is theirs ... and most assuredly, they will be "coming to you" ...
+1
edit: "in you"
The higher up the ladder one goes, the more are penetrated. Hail to the Penetrator in Chief
Penetration Tester definition.
http://searchsoftwarequality.techtarget.com/definition/penetration-testing
Federal Reserve job duties consist of finding ways to breach MMT escape scenarios.
http://i.minus.com/iMjDd1IWGRA2I.gif
It doesn't say whether the new hire will be on the giving or receiving end. But, I guess we all know the answer to that question already.
We're ALL on the receiving end.
The Fed Is Hiring translation: We don’t want to accidently expose ourselves to a full leaked audit based on backdoor admission weaknesses.
Interesting...
resistance fighters near #Damascus airport say they saw military people who seem to be Chinese or Koreans #syria
North Koreans??
#Syria state TV saying massive blast heard in #Damascus was "terrorist attack" in the neighborhood of Rokeneddin on city's north side
I'd rather have welfare.
It's like these guys haven't fucked hard a vagina... Maybe they've been paying for too much blow...
Seriously...WTF is a Penetration Tester?
Edit: my bad, didn't see that someone posted what it is above.
IT jargon makes military speak seem quaint, particularly the current iteration which includes all the social media mumbo jumbo.
The Fed, fucking the American population since 1913! Every Fed board member has been a penetration tester.
Correction: anyone who saves their fraudulent notes based on a promise it will be honered to redeme goods from the time they issue that note until the time you can get to the storebased on consumer confidence that the same bill spent identicle as the day before.
Higher taxes coupled with inflation bring that house of cards down.
US Taxpayers are the ultimate recipients of such testings of anal penetration.
How about 17 trillion up the Fed's back end?
Ok Derps. I have first hand knowledge of Dr.Jelly Fingers, intentions.
First of all, you're sedated and asked to lie on your side.
You wake up like a "fucking savannah darted lion", and hit Cheesecake Factory
The good news is, I'm large growth free.
Federal Penetration... Coming to an asshole near you!
I'm not leaving my job at the SEC unless the FED guarantees me at least the same amount of internet time to surf porn
You have to join the SEC to get access to unlimited porn.
First step in information security?
Kill Hilsenrath.
They want to see how deep they can go before Americans squeal.
Call the Academi Red Team
I assume they weren't able to find someone internally who passed the 3rd requirement note
Benjamin Dover here, where do I apply?
College finance class took a field trip to The Dallas Fed. Still remember that professor filling us full of gargage "the role of the fed is to fight inflation and protect the dollar".
Gotta keep those printing presses oiled too!
Printing Press Technician, Bureau of Engraving and Printing