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Eric Holder + The Onion = Best iPod Playlist Ever

Tyler Durden's picture




 

From The Onion

Eric Holder Loads iPod With AP Phone Conversations For Morning Commute

WASHINGTON—While preparing to leave for work Monday, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder reportedly loaded up his iPod with dozens of Associated Press reporters’ confidential phone conversations to enjoy on his morning commute.

“It usually takes me about 30 minutes to get to the office, so I’ll have something to listen to to pass the time,” said the Justice Department head while transferring the wiretap recordings taken from dozens of AP journalists’ work and cell phone lines from his home computer to his mp3 player.

“It’s nice to just sit back and listen to a few secret conversations between reporters and their classified sources. Lately I’ve been getting into [AP Middle East correspondent] Bassem Mroue’s stuff.

His off-the-record calls with top intelligence officials are awesome. It’s like he’s just having a conversation with these people and I’m lucky enough to listen in.”

Holder added that he’s saving a really lengthy call between Washington Post executive editor Marcus Brauchli and CIA Director John Brennan for a cross-country flight he’s taking Friday.

 

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Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:47 | 3620941 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

question is... who still has a iPod?
that's like... ancient stuff... like Pré 2009....

you're getting old there Tyler...

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:49 | 3620949 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

11 States (HI, CA, NM, MS, AL, IL, KY, OH, SC, NY, ME) now have More People on Welfare than they do Employed!

Last month, the Senate Budget Committee reports that in fiscal year 2012, between food stamps, housing support, child care, Medicaid and other benefits, the average U.S. Household below the poverty line received $168.00 a day in government support.

What's the problem with that much support? Well, the median household income in America is just over $50,000, which averages out to $137.13 a day. To put it another way, being on welfare now pays the equivalent of $30.00 an hour for a 40-hour week, while the average job pays $20.00 an hour.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:55 | 3620961 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Source? I'd like to send that article out to my socialist sister, a retired government worker.

DaddyO

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:00 | 3620977 RichardENixon
RichardENixon's picture

She'll say it's Bush's fault

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:02 | 3620982 thelibcentury
thelibcentury's picture

which is correct, as he was a socialist. neither the first, nor the last we've seen.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:04 | 3620991 MagicHandPuppet
MagicHandPuppet's picture

I second DaddyO's source request.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:11 | 3621012 IPA
IPA's picture

I googled "states employed vs welfare" and came up with an article from politifact.com disproving the chain mail that's says eleven states have more welfare recipients than workers. "Death spiral states" search on zerohedge is the basis for the more welfare than workers statement.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:14 | 3621025 bonderøven-farm ass
bonderøven-farm ass's picture

Bow to your masters, bitchez!

"It's difficult to free fools from the chains they revere...."

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:19 | 3621039 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

But it does seem true that, if it was a US state

'Disability’ would be 8th most populous American state out of 50

Lots of links on that one, nearly 11 million officially 'disabled' American people ... some genuine, but many driving to the shopping mall ...

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:06 | 3620999 seek
seek's picture

http://www.factcheck.org/2013/01/death-spiral-states/

Looks libe original source was: http://www.forbes.com/sites/baldwin/2012/11/25/do-you-live-in-a-death-sp...

The stats are a little dubious. Not that it's not bad, just not that bad. Yet.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 18:54 | 3621797 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

The stats are a little dubious. Not that it's not bad, just not that bad. Yet.

Agreed. I mean, c'mon, you have to question the credibility of a list like that when it excludes Michigan and West Virginia.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:01 | 3620979 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Just think about the economic BOOM all that consumption is generating.  Krugman must be so proud that his economic model is functioning so well.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:06 | 3621000 RSloane
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This is the type of information that lulls in the back of consciousness when assessing where we are as a society and an economy. Once in awhile someone prints it concisely for all to see, and the enormity of the mess we're in drowns out all other thought. There is no possible recovery from this and there is no way it can be paid for. Endgame stuff.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:20 | 3621043 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

i am watching cnbc right now and it's like i am having an out of body experience and even the out of body me is having a stroke.

There are no words for this.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:12 | 3621230 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Why do you torture yourself Fonz? Bob Pissonme, is the quack dungeon Master.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:46 | 3621367 cro_maat
cro_maat's picture

My colleagues are giving me stares because I am ROTFL!! But you ruined it for me as I was hoping astral projection was my way of escaping the incoming drones and FEMA camps. Now you tell me that they can even reach me in the astral. Damn, I guess I'll have to learn how to achieve the Jinn State.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:20 | 3621044 Hal n back
Hal n back's picture

thats not fair: most taxpayers in IL have left the state.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:20 | 3621271 moonman
moonman's picture

Bullshit propoganda. It doesn't matter what side it comes from. Considering they count all government workers as "on Welfare" current and retired you would think Virginia would be on that list also. 

 

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 17:54 | 3621620 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

should read "Moar Muppets"

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 18:10 | 3621680 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

$168 * 5 = $840

$840/40 = $21

Where's the $30/hr come from? 

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 20:01 | 3621966 Matt
Matt's picture

Maybe there are 7 days in a week?

Fri, 06/28/2013 - 23:27 | 3705507 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

I can't believe I forgot that.  +1000

 

FFS, reality must be maintained!

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:07 | 3621006 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

Er maybe you should post that over on the Onion it was their article.  

Reading is fundamental.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:36 | 3621331 Black Swan 9
Black Swan 9's picture

Moonman was responding to Pladizow's statistical comment.

Following threads is fundamental.

Tue, 06/04/2013 - 10:16 | 3623372 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

Was responding to Sudden Debt not Moonman... indeed following threads IS fundemental.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:51 | 3621380 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

I actually have two of them (ipod30 and ipod160) still running.   Damn things are fucking TANKS. 

 

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:48 | 3620944 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I wonder how much time he spends thinking about whose rights he is gonna violate next.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:59 | 3620976 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Probably very little.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:48 | 3620945 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Puts him in a better mood than the Mexican funeral dirges he usually listens to.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:52 | 3620953 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I can think of a better place where Holder can load up and stick his iPod.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:54 | 3620958 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Sideways ,without lubricant ?

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:59 | 3620975 TheMayor
TheMayor's picture

Fast and Furious.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:05 | 3620998 King Nothing
King Nothing's picture

How about his Ipad but with some kerosene as lube, I would be ok with that, unless they come out with a even larger Ithis

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:52 | 3620955 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Take heed, Eric Holder.  We're coming for you. Richard Wagner - Ride Of The Valkyries - YouTube

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:59 | 3620969 RSloane
RSloane's picture

They would gladly sacrifice Holder to protect Obama. Apparently nobody in this administration has any idea what anyone else is doing. Gee, what other type of organization is layered where people in one cell or ring of activity have no idea what other rings are doing, or even who they are.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:05 | 3620995 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  It started in the 90s. It's called layering. aka (Plausible Deniability). Property management companies took it to a new level, in order to fleece renters of their deposits.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 17:57 | 3621623 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Yes, the Obomber Administration has adopted AQ's command and control structure.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:54 | 3620956 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

More comedy

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2013/03/26/irs_spends_60000_on_st...

DEADLINE HOLLYWOOD: Your tax dollars at work. The IRS now admits that a 2010 training video that parodied the 1960s TV series Star Trek was a mistake. It and a second video that parodied TV’s Gilligan’s Island are estimated to have cost about $60,000. The agency came under fire after CBS News obtained the Star Trek video under a Freedom of Information request and it went viral on the Internet. The video, shown at the opening of a 2010 training and leadership conference, features IRS workers portraying the characters, including Mr. Spock with fake hair and big ears, along with an elaborate set depicting the control room of the spaceship. The characters (who look and sound like a bunch of tax collectors) are en route to the planet Notax to combat identity theft. (via Deadline Hollywood)

Actual video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VxU6n4pAnrU

 

The one liners are priceless like this

Checkov "“Back in Russia, I dreamed someday I’d be rich and famous.”

Random Employee "“That’s why I became a public servant.”

 

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 14:58 | 3620973 tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

The A.G. formerly known as Himpton.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:02 | 3620981 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Don't worry boys, he's got a get out of jail card pardon when O leaves the oval orifice.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:15 | 3621027 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

But can he escape the guillotine in his future? That is the question.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:06 | 3621001 1C3-N1N3
1C3-N1N3's picture

Do they still print their stuff on paper? It's been ages since I've been to Chambana.

(I clicked on their "Print Edition Subscription" link and it gave me a 404. Guess that answers it.)

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:11 | 3621020 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Holder is fucked.  He perjured himself.  Tick-tock Holder. 

 

Too bad Holder is going to resign - he'd look good in a jail cell.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:17 | 3621033 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

In regards to perjuring himself, doesn't he live and "work" in the "City of Perjury?!"

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:12 | 3621022 rekfhardy
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http://tinyurl.com/az3logy   Link to PLADIZOW comment..dh

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:13 | 3621024 shutupnsing
shutupnsing's picture

Perhaps the campain theme song for the 2016 Weiner Holder ticket is on there!

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:26 | 3621059 Hangfire
Hangfire's picture

Yes, great call!

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 17:50 | 3621598 Zynga
Zynga's picture

New Headline: Weiner, Holder chase Tea Baggers

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 15:15 | 3621030 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

I am shocked....does Holdeer actually have to drive his own car to work? Certainly us tax payers should provide him with a vehicle and a driver so he may devote his full attention to assisting our government's great work.

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:00 | 3621190 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

So he loaded confidental government data on his personal ipod as well as took it home with him.  What the Hell else has he "taken home"?

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:54 | 3621391 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Young male FBI agents, a few dozen pardon forms pre signed by Obama,  guns from Fast and Furious .... and a red stapler.   

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:55 | 3621404 Cult of Criminality
Cult of Criminality's picture

Like Eric Holder and John Corzine

 oh oh oh ......Cult of Criminality.........

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 16:59 | 3621419 Cult of Criminality
Cult of Criminality's picture

Like Ben Bernanke and Pelosi

oh oh oh ...Cult of Criminality.......

Mon, 06/03/2013 - 17:44 | 3621579 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I exploit you, still you love me
I tell you one and one makes three...

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