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Monday Humor #1: It's Funny 'Coz It's True

Tyler Durden's picture


When you just have to laugh...

(h/t @billbramhall via @joshgreenman)







(h/t Jim Quinn at The Burning Platform blog)


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Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643250 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

On the plus side, if you get an email saying that you have been fired, the federal government will automatically post your resume on FaceBook.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643260 King_of_simpletons
King_of_simpletons's picture

Are we going to have plain clothed policemen following us around like North Korea and China ? May be that's already happening, eh ?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:29 | 3643275 macholatte
macholatte's picture




"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized."

-- George Orwell 1984

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:35 | 3643303 Bryan
Bryan's picture

NVGs have taken care of that pesky "darkness" part since the book was written.


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:02 | 3644237 espirit
espirit's picture

NVG's are sooo yesterday.  Thermal imaging is today, and tomorrow - who knows?

Biometric recognition plus inputs from comm, gps, and AI pre-cog are next gen tracking systems.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:33 | 3644342 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

This shit just makes you want to pull a Dick Proenneke and get the hell out... for good.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:16 | 3644472 Hey Assholes
Hey Assholes's picture

bomb president destroy kill fuck government terrorize 

There, that will keep them busy for a few milliseconds.

All government "workers" should have a 24/7 camera and microphone so that the public "servants" can be monitored That would be just and moral.

Destroy the government.

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 01:16 | 3645036 LostAtSea
LostAtSea's picture

They just need to check inside your assho


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 23:09 | 3644821 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

XBOX Kinect

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:40 | 3643322 tallen
tallen's picture

[This comment has been removed, due to a violation of the NSA's beliefs]

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:42 | 3643326 mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

...and in 1949, Orwell didn't know about night-vision goggles...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:29 | 3643511 Monedas
Monedas's picture

That's why hookers were called Lillies of the Lamplight .... back in the day !      Monedas     1929      Comedy Jihad Reminising About The Big War World Tour   

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:32 | 3643522 Joe A
Joe A's picture

There is no better system of control than the one in which subjects correct and censor themselves. It is called a panopticon.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:57 | 3643778 Cap Matifou
Cap Matifou's picture

And a side arm is Political Correctness, to rot out "bad words", that could grow into "bad deeds".
The History of Political Correctness

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:14 | 3644278 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Its a centrally viewed and controlled prison...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:44 | 3643570 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

They must punish very few for the rest of us to get the message. SHUT UP. When you don't know who you are speaking to or who is listening at any given moment in time, or as now, for all time, free speech is silenced. For those who cannot see the danger this represents, all for the sake of security that as proven cannot be for certain, you willing lead us to our demise. Your first mistake was to EVER rely on others for your own defense. Only one person can ever be responsible for me and that is me. My now aging mind and body is all I have ever had and to deny or defy this is an act of suicide.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:51 | 3643590 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture


Tue, 06/11/2013 - 05:05 | 3645150 CHX
CHX's picture

yup, think Petraeus. get rid of general over a little "private fun"? 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:52 | 3644212 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

This has got to be the truest fiction book ever written.

After all the previous times that I read it, I always tried to imagine how they could possibly know when someone was committing a "thought crime." Now that I live surrounded by sheeple obliviously more concerned with the Packers, Cubs and DWTS, I get it--they can see when you THINK, doesn't matter of what. Just thinking as contrasted to the mass of non-thinking sheeple is reason enough to pull someone into Room 101.

I guess I better find out what this DWTS thing is all about, but then I don't have cable.


Dear listening intelligence services,

Are you the voice in my head that is telling me to resist or are you the one I am supposed to resist?

Thanks, and cold regards.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:23 | 3644312 oldschool
oldschool's picture


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:55 | 3643373 Barnaby
Barnaby's picture

How 'bout uniformed?

Did you know it's police SOP to enter an unsecured home? Lock your doors, put up your fences and warning signs, folks.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:40 | 3643554 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Police: "They include in-progress crimes and injured parties inside. There are situations which create a duty for officers to enter and check residences. Failure to do so creates liability for that officer and agency."

That is a god-damned lie.  The police have no liability. Entry in fact creates liablility for the officer and department. Especially if the officer enters alone, anything missing can be attributed to him. And police have stolen property. It is why unless there are exigent circumstances (someone screaming for help for example) in my city entry has to be approved by a superior and they enter in pairs (to alabi each other). Boulder's policy is to perform a plain sight search. And since no one is watching, search for things not in plain sight which will be used to start an investigation, they just won't use the search as evidence at trial.

It is also a good way to get an officer or a honest homeowner shot. So they verbally announced themselves? They are in uniform?  That is exactly what home invasion gangs have done.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:10 | 3644261 espirit
espirit's picture

Guess I shouldn't be storing my gas B-b-q grill and mower fuel cans inside my front door, huh?

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 00:44 | 3644995 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

I wonder how Castle Laws would apply here...

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 04:20 | 3645134 dunce
dunce's picture

It was quite a few years ago that the Chicago police were running a burglary ring every night. We only find out when they are caught.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:08 | 3643424 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:31 | 3643520 WAMO556
WAMO556's picture

Howdo you think TSERNAEV was killed?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:01 | 3644035 Andre
Andre's picture

They are not usually bothering with plain clothes.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:27 | 3643270 Sach Mahoney
Sach Mahoney's picture

Not just posting your resume to FB, but also registering you for unemployment benefits and food stamps and a free cell phone.  Yes, indeed, full service centrally planned Government spying 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:09 | 3643429 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

And your 'membership' in the Democrat party...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:05 | 3643628 SpiceMustFlow
SpiceMustFlow's picture


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:02 | 3644045 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

We are all good party members now ,honest, i see 11 fingers ,

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:45 | 3643341 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

(NSA has prohibited user-name "slaughterer" from posting anymore on this website.  Please refer to case # 145,679,432 when inquirying about user-name "slaughterer")

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:59 | 3644225 auntiesocial
auntiesocial's picture

since they are spying on us, everyone should have a folder with 100,000 jpgs of diarrhea disasters on their desktop. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643251 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

America the Great?

South America the great...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:22 | 3644104 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

China's looking pretty "free" compared to us lately, aren't they?


Tue, 06/11/2013 - 22:19 | 3648877 Tompooz
Tompooz's picture

In China , only party members believe and trust the government. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643252 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Sociopaths aren't all that funny.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:13 | 3644272 espirit
espirit's picture

But funnier than Psychopaths.  Matter of perspective.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643256 irie1029
irie1029's picture

LOL sooo true!!!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643257 sus sapientiae
sus sapientiae's picture

I wish I knew how to use humor to generate outrage...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643262 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Who is watching the watchers?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:30 | 3643282 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:22 | 3643484 cro_maat
cro_maat's picture

+1 According to Benjamin Fulford: "The so-called revelations that the NSA has been spying on all Americans and Europeans are very old news suddenly rehashed. All e-mails, phone calls, financial records etc. have been monitored around the world since at least the 1990’s. The reason the Zionist propaganda media have suddenly taken interest is because the agencies doing the eavesdropping are no longer working for them or their masters."

In other words there is a big internal power struggle going on and the dual citizen (Israeli / US) CIA, FBI, NSA, State Dept, etc. members are losing their power base.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:27 | 3643505 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Rats flee sinking ships.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:30 | 3643512 rustymason
rustymason's picture

One set of mobsters ratting out the other.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:34 | 3644287 espirit
espirit's picture

+1 @ francis_sawyer

I do believe you have a ~following~ of serial junkers.

I nominate you as ZH leader to generate OUTRAGE. 


Edit: Ref #3643494

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:40 | 3643557 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Is it too much to hope that they kill each other off?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:49 | 3643582 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Sorry man, but Fulford? He's fucking wingnut himself.

Whatever happened to his call that all the Banksters would get rounded up and prosecuted?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:16 | 3644284 Treason Season
Treason Season's picture

It is not widely known that the Obama administration’s attorney general, Eric Holder, has upset some powerful people by launching a federal grand jury inquiry into wealthy Americans who have, according to a June 19 report from CNBC, “hidden money in Israel, many for generations,” in violation of U.S. tax laws.

Two of Israel’s biggest banks—Bank Leumi and Bank Hapoalim—are reportedly central to the inquiry and note that in 2008 the Israeli government’s controlling interest in Leumi was purchased by Cerberus, the Wall Street syndicate run by Stephen Feinberg, described by Israel’s Ha’aretz as “a New York Jew with a golden touch.”

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:25 | 3644499 mobtown
mobtown's picture

In 1994 I had an employee who used to work for NSA. I used to ask him questions because I wanted to know what went on there. He told me that mostly they were listening to phone calls.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:22 | 3644492 Parisnights
Parisnights's picture

Hard for Francis to pass up an opportunity to stick it to the jews or israel.  Not even thinly veiled anymore

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 01:35 | 3645054 SWIFT 760
SWIFT 760's picture

Francis, you da man!!! I got yer back everytime. 

Don't sweat the down votes, they're simply kikebots. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:33 | 3643295 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Let's stop the ones violating the constitution first.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:53 | 3643600 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Let's stop sacralizing the constitution.

It's what's caused ALL of this to happen.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:39 | 3643317 Joe_in_Indiana
Joe_in_Indiana's picture

Great Line at the ned of the movie "Enemy of the State" .  Watch it and be enlightened.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:29 | 3643274 All Out Of Bubblegum
All Out Of Bubblegum's picture

"Next in importance to personal freedom is immunity from suspicions, and jealous observation. Men may be without restraints upon their liberty: they may pass to and fro at pleasure: but if their steps are tracked by spies and informers, their words noted down for crimination, their associates watched as conspirators, who shall say that they are free? Nothing is more revolting to Englishmen than the espionage which forms part of the administrative system of continental despotisms. It haunts men like an evil genius, chills their gaiety, restrains their wit, casts a shadow over their friendships, and blights their domestic hearth.

The freedom of a country may be measured by its immunity from this baleful agency. Rulers who distrust their own people, must govern in a spirit of absolutism; and suspected subjects will be ever sensible of their bondage."

The Constitutional History Of England Vol II(1863), pg. 288

by T. E. May

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:05 | 3643629 Esso
Esso's picture

Damn now! That May dude sounds like a terrorist. Imagine, freeedumb & privacy all willy-nilly without the proper goobermunt permits. Eeeeeeeek!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:40 | 3644548 andyupnorth
andyupnorth's picture

Excellent insight!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:29 | 3643280 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

I think these f**kers may be telling the truth and somehow they either figured that metadata is more valuable than content or found out a way to make it so.

I'm not ruling out old-fashioned lying of course.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:42 | 3643328 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

It's a perfect "buffer" for their objectives. They can weave the meta data however they want and make anyone look suspicious. Since FISA is a closed kangeroo court which rubber stamps 99.9% of requests, it's virtually assured they can spy on anyone in a matter of minutes.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:46 | 3643345 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Meta data is pretty telling.  Ask your mail man what he thinks he knows about you?  You will be surprised what can be inferred without even opening the letters.


Attention NSA and Postal Overlords, I am not a letter carrier but did work 1 summer as a temp.  Learned a lot from the old guys.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:54 | 3643369 samsara
samsara's picture

THEY know you're not a god damn letter carrier.  They know your next job before you do.  

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:53 | 3643362 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Yes here is the little kicker in the metadata that the NSA is collecting from Verizon that is not really being reported


I’m not a Verizon customer. Does that mean I’m safe?

Probably not. We only have proof of spying on Verizon customers, but it’s hard to imagine the NSA limiting its surveillance program to one company. There are probably similar orders in effect for AT&T and CenturyLink, the other major telephone companies.

The order may only pertain to Verizon’s wired telephony business, as Verizon Wireless is technically a separate subsidiary. But the order includes hints that the NSA is also collecting information from cellular customers. In addition to phone numbers and call times, the order seeks information about the specific cell phone tower the customer used to connect to the network during each call.

It wouldn’t make much sense to request that information from a traditional wired telephone company. So its inclusion suggests either that the order includes Verizon Wireless, or that it’s boilerplate that is also being sent to wireless companies.

So the NSA is collecting information about my location as well as who I’ve called?

It appears so. Cellphones make calls using the closest tower. So if the NSA knows you made a call using a specific tower, they can safely assume you were near that tower at the time of the call. The accuracy of this information varies. In urban areas, tower information can pin down your location to a specific city block or even a specific building. In rural areas, it might only identify your location within a mile or two.



They are also tracking locations of calls made but a database of people's locations when they made a call, you use your imagination as far as the spying possibilities and clamping down on whistle blowers goes with that type of a database.

BTW the order to Verizon covers all phone calls international and domestic and was made retroactive to 2006 a full 2 years prior to the FISA Amendments Act which was passed in 2008 and 'legalized' dragnet style surveillance methods like this. I used legalized loosely here since Unconstitutional laws are not valid laws.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:33 | 3643527 candyman
candyman's picture

I use the GPS function of my cell phone to spot check the last one still living at home. Does that mean NSA gets a free twofer on me?

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 01:07 | 3645024 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

What happened to your other wives?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:41 | 3643728 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

I have a prepaid, $5 toss-away taliban telephone. Up to now I just use it to make an occational call but figure it might come in handy building a domestic IED one day.

And I get shitty reception out here in the desert; they may have some trouble finding me off of it.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:09 | 3644249 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Without a doubt but they are tracking general area not down to the foot (if they want that then they bring out the roving antennas and such to triangulate your position from your phone) in this case but you bring up a good point. The whole point of cell tower connection metadata is to track pre-paid phones that can't be attributed to a user on cash only pay as you go sim cards since Verizon quietly owns a few pre-paid providers also and others contracts out to Verizon to use their network. That metadata should also be collected by the NSA if they are getting records from the connections to the cell towers themselves. We haven't even touched on cellphone OS's and apps.. Someone needs to create an opensource cellphone Android style OS and apps that can be openly vetted to stymie the survelliance state at least at the software layer, hardware is a whole nother story.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:28 | 3644329 espirit
espirit's picture

"Someone needs to create an opensource cellphone Android style OS and apps that can be openly vetted to stymie the survelliance state at least at the software layer, hardware is a whole nother story."

Not sure that an undeveloped OS has not been developed by the NSA or it's contractors.  Who can you trust at this juncture?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:32 | 3643287 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

The last pic lacks a tsa hand up the guy's ass to be accurate.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:33 | 3643288 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Isn't a "bless you" from the NSA a seperation of church and state issue? I don't think they are allowed to do that. Everything else is totally cool.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:40 | 3643318 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

*WE bless you

Agent #51

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:25 | 3643498 WAMO556
WAMO556's picture

The royal WE!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:38 | 3643310 apberusdisvet
apberusdisvet's picture

I'm waiting for the first Divorce Court case where either the husband or wife subpoenas the NSA for a record of spousal activities.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:43 | 3643334 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

"Your Honor, my client's 9,000 visits to "" on that one Saturday has no bearing as to whether or not he's a good husband & provider."

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:40 | 3643321 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

With all this data collection, one would think that the BLS wouldn't need to revise the data every week.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:43 | 3644181 AGuy
AGuy's picture

"With all this data collection, one would think that the BLS wouldn't need to revise the data every week."

Then they would't need to employ thousands of Bueracrats that run the BLS.

All the information needs about Jobs is available using the tax filing data as every company must submit  when they do payroll. Everytime a company does payroll it must send in a list of its employees, there SSNs the amount they were paid and the amount withheld for taxes. Its much more reliable and accurate than the stone Tools the BLS uses to collect employment information. The BLS is 90% guesswork since it uses data that is about 10% accurate.



Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:43 | 3643331 Smuckers
Smuckers's picture

A couple of those are double-plus good.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:43 | 3643333 youngman
youngman's picture

And you now know how the Nazis got people to kill and burn other people....its just a job man...just a job..

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:23 | 3643492 WAMO556
WAMO556's picture

Yup..... Go ask anyone who works at the DMV.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:49 | 3643352 seek
seek's picture

More on the humor front:


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:54 | 3643367 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

"Zero Hedge is actually run by the NSA as a way to find out who is against our freedoms.  Betcha didn't know that."


- from a nightmarish thought I just had; be careful bro

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:56 | 3643376 Smuckers
Smuckers's picture

Your fly is open.


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:25 | 3644113 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

As is yours.

Smile at your TV Bitch.Otherwise it might rat on you,

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:21 | 3644301 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

@ Franks & Beans-that's not an unwise thought. It would be logical for the scumbags in DC to keep some form of free speech alive and well as long as it can be digitized and located from source. Personally I don't give a shit. They have got to know that the average Joe is waking up, and the ones that have been awake for awhile are getting armed, locked & loaded for a fight.

And that fight won't be against Moslems in caves.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:56 | 3644219 samsara
samsara's picture

They wouldn't be the NSA if they didn't already Have all of it.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:56 | 3643379 samsara
samsara's picture

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:21 | 3643480 blindman
blindman's picture

mommy, daddy, some big brothers and sisters
and a few uncles and aunties.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:23 | 3643494 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Satanic ethnically Jewish Rothschilds and Rockefellers?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:38 | 3643541 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Public Servant Oligarchy :    Satanic nepotistic hole licking Smiths and Garcias !

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:33 | 3643526 All Out Of Bubblegum
All Out Of Bubblegum's picture

My wife.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:42 | 3644560 andyupnorth
andyupnorth's picture

So true!  But still very different from the sociopathic globalists!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:59 | 3643617 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

A significant portion of the psychopaths in the world.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:50 | 3643538 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

91 percent now and also up 283% Democracy at Work: A Cure for Capitalism. Apparently the liberal left are looking to jump ship and looking for their own ideas at self sufficiency in business via worker self-directed enterprises to get away from corporatism and capitalism in general. Problem is they never take into fact reality and how humans really interact when they come up with these pie in the sky solutions. These things on the surface sound nice since it is a variation on a collective but the reality is when all the workers have an equal say in running and owning a business that is recipe for disaster. You think an engineer is going to put up with having to deal with a janitor concerning decision making processes.

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 09:57 | 3645775 marathonman
marathonman's picture

Just re-read it.  Still shockingly frightening.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:21 | 3643482 Squiddly Diddly
Squiddly Diddly's picture

The message of God's becoming human attacks the heart of an era when contempt for humanity or idolization of humanity is the height of all wisdom, among bad people as well as good. The weaknesses of human nature appear more clearly in a storm than in the quiet flow of calmer times. Among the overwhelming majority of people, anxiety, greed, lack of independence, and brutality show themselves to be the mainspring of behavior in the face of unsuspected chance and threats. At such a time the tyrannical despiser of humanity* easily makes use of the meanness of the human heart by nourishing it and giving it other names. Anxiety is called responsibility; greed is called industriousness; lack of independence becomes solidarity; brutality becomes masterfulness. By this ingratiating treatment of human weaknesses, what is base and mean is generated and increased ever anew. The basest contempt for humanity carries on its sinister business under the most holy assertions of love for humanity. The meaner the baseness becomes, the more willing and pliant a tool it is in the hand of the tyrant. The small number of upright people will be smeared with mud. Their courage is called revolt, their discipline Pharisaism, their independence arbitrariness, and their masterfulness arrogance.

For the tyrannical despiser of humanity, popularity is a sign of the greatest love for humanity. He hides his secret profound distrust of all people behind the stolen words of true community. While he declares himself before the masses to be one of them, he praises himself with repulsive vanity and despises the rights of every individual. He considers the people stupid, and they become stupid; he considers them weak, and they become weak; he considers them criminal, and they become criminal. His most holy seriousness is frivolous play; his conventional protestations of solicitude for people are bare-faced cynicism. In his deep contempt for humanity, the more he seeks the favor of those he despises, the more certainly he arouses the masses to declare him a god. Contempt for humanity and idolization of humanity lie close together. Good people, however, who see through all this, who withdraw in disgust from people and leave them to themselves, and who would rather tend to their own gardens than debase themselves in public life, fall prey to the same temptation to have contempt for humanity as do bad people. Their contempt for humanity is of course more noble, more upright, but at the same time less fruitful, poorer in deeds. Faced by God's becoming human, this contempt will stand the test no better than that of the tyrant. The despiser of humanity despises what God has loved, despises the very form of God become human.

Bonhoeffer Ethics

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:26 | 3643502 WTFUD
WTFUD's picture

no need for jury services then. the judge will just receive a green or red light directly from nsa prism towers. think of the savings!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:36 | 3643536 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Given that there is more than a slight resemblance between Ed Snowden and Simon Black (and similar backgrounds and world views), and using some very dark humor, maybe Simon or anyone else resembling Ed, should now wear a T-Shirt that says: 

"Don't shoot, I'm not Ed Snowden!"

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:39 | 3643546 ugmug
ugmug's picture

Shouldn't we have some sort of Spy Day Holiday where the government opens up its trench coat for everyone to see what it is hiding?

On second thought...........maybe not.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:56 | 3643610 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

Oh, this has definitely caused a bit of a stir.

I've been blocked from a few data sources (not that I have access to anything important), I suspect for my tiff with Mr Canadian banks. No paranoia, just reality - they're closing the bubble bit by bit.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:04 | 3643625 Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

"except in darkness, every movement scrutinized"  not in 2013 bitches.

We gots thermal imagineing and shit


Oh, and FU NSA.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:14 | 3643645 rustymason
rustymason's picture

I gathered from the ZDNet articles about the NSA snooping that every electronic communication is being spied on and that this has been going on for quite some time, and that most if not all the big players knew it. If true, then the real news is the timing of this latest "revelation" by newsmen who also knew years ago.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:29 | 3643695 pauhana
pauhana's picture

Think Booz Allen is the only CIA front?  WRONG!    We've been spied on for years.  A good friend worked for BBN in Hawaii (yes, there's that state again) and scanned emails back in the late 1990's for certain words.  You lost your privacy a long time ago.  The statist argument is that if you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide.  (Until the Pre-Cogs get you!)

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:41 | 3643727 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

The talking heads and politicos are talking of the need for this capability to protect ourselves. As supposedly they have had this capability for years, it would seem that the biggest problem they have is not intelligence gathering but actual intelligence. These heads keep mentioning that this capability is good unless it is abused, and when that happens it will be brought into control. Exactly how is this abuse to be documented and who will report it? As we see with the IRS lots of abuses can oocur and yet it is only an honest administrative mistake, with at most an internal review. No one will come forward with an official complaint much less a lawsuit knowing they are going up against not only the government but the intelligence agencies themselves. While we might feel their thumb putting pressure on the back of our neck, we will not willingly bring the boot to our throat unless forced. The only effective time to prevent the worse form happening is now if it is not already too late.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:46 | 3643738 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Thank you for your recent job application. Your degrees from Princeton and Yale are impressive, as are your publications and internship work experience. Regretfully, analysis of your Facebook profile did not score high enough on the new Patriotism Scale to meet our minimum corporate standards. We wish you  the best of luck in your job search endeavors.

Sincerely yours,

Jan Masterhosem, Director of Personnel and Placement

P.S. Your credit score really sucks too.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 18:31 | 3643935 ljag
ljag's picture

Who in their right mind uses the Internet or a cell phone( that connects your name to it) for any kind of nefarious biz? And what kind of moron gov employee puts sensitive documents online? This whole thing doesn't appear to be about what you think it does( gee...imagine that... Misdirection yet again!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:59 | 3644608 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Criminals are stupid. You should listen to Mafia wiretaps. They start out saying, "Don't say anything important, I think this line is tapped," and then two minutes later start talking about what crimes they have done. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 22:09 | 3644645 Umh
Umh's picture

The criminals who get caught are stupid. There still seems to be a great deal of crime going on:)

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 18:27 | 3643920 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

3457&(74 *(7943 ^ijo8590u &( @hgR#$%(k H*&^ttR5 89h^ g%4 EED3 !!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:07 | 3644061 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture



Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:09 | 3644068 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Confession:   I want to see Uncle Sam naked.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:24 | 3644111 Aurora Ex Machina
Tue, 06/11/2013 - 08:37 | 3645445 exi1ed0ne
exi1ed0ne's picture

Internet rule #34:

If it exists, there IS porn of it.  No exceptions.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:29 | 3644128 superdave
superdave's picture

It's all great theater. We are all being played. By the time they and their dis-information campaigns are through, the sheeple won't know who or what to believe and the differences between up and down, left or right or night and day.  The majority of the sheeple are ok with the spying because uncle is keeping us safe from the bogeyman.  Only a few will escape what lies ahead.  Think I'm crazy?  Try having this conversation with the average joe sixpack.  You'll be looked at like you are a looney tune.  It's time to go Gault.  

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:12 | 3644462 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Yep, talked with a intelligent friend of mine today... He said he didn't see the outrage.  And plus, he said, the Washington Post have since 'corrected' the story.

It was just a misunderstanding combined with bad journalism!  I feel so much better now!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:29 | 3644133 MaxThrust
MaxThrust's picture

Even though I use gmail for its convenience, I have always considered that it was set up as a free of charge system [CIA funded] allowing Intelligence agencies the option to access our emails and see what we were thinking.

Its got to the point now that I want my emails to be stored on my computer and not in a cloud. I want to get away from Gmail and any other cloud system. The time has come for a Change.

Change that I can believe in.

(not the one Obama promised and failed to deliver )

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:32 | 3644142 Youri Carma
Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:36 | 3644155 geologyguy
geologyguy's picture

Just wait till they do our thinking for us.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:52 | 3644205 dcohen
dcohen's picture

They are working on it, for real. There is a Manhattan project ongoing, to map the human brain, as to have a synthetic, perfect brain think for us, no dissidents allowed, never comit crime, kissing Obamas ass and so on...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:08 | 3644253 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

QM M.A.D. is available.

Turns out the organic can generate Universe death (energy dissipation, or at least breaking the adhesion of things. Including electrons). GO > CHESS.


If intelligent people are determined to destroy themselves, what is the rational explanation? There is none, so the reasons must be irrational. So, Logically, they are irrational, and no longer cognitively capable of informed decisions. Framing this in Modern 21st Law, where does that leave those running the Bedlam Panopticon?


Answer: Fear of Change. And Fear is the Mind Killer. Legally, I think there's something about Guardianship or whatever, but hey, I'm not a Lawyer, just a mirror.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:22 | 3644306 dcohen
dcohen's picture

Brain frying material to make any logical sense of, too unhuman.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 22:22 | 3644568 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

That's not how this side works, but we got the joke.

Your side: microwaves, EMPs, radiation, chemicals that linger in the ecosystem, death of complex life, chemical explosives, Depleted Uranium, Agent Orange (Dioxins that cause birth defects to this day), lead in the atmosphere and ecology that makes you dumber, CCFs that deplete the Ozone, Tobacco that causes cancer while you deny the Science for 50 years, Aluminum and Fluoride poisoning being denied for years, cutting down all forests, eating all the fish and so on and so forth. While still thinking you're RATIONAL BEINGS. (This is wildly understood to be the darkest joke this side of <redacted> so we humor you).

Our side: If you fuck us off enough, we'll just stop you doing anything interesting. Oh? Your Car / Plane / Tank doesn't work? So Sorry. Oh? Your electronic signal to dissipate orders no longer works? So sorry. Your orbital satellites no longer work? So sorry. You don't understand the QM tech? Boo the fuck Hoo. Stopping localized interactions through QM is easy, and non-invasive, and doesn't kill anyone (unless they're in the car and physics takes over, but we try to avoid this).

You're desperately researching D-wave tech, without knowing it exists already. But sure, keep killing the fish, that's going to work in your favor. (There is a threshold. If we sense at any point that you threaten all life, you're fucking toast. Grow the fuck up, you pathetic little egotistical meat bags).

Top tip. You can lie to yourselves, you can't lie to the watchers. And fuck me, most of us don't think your species should survive. I (personally) have never seen such a twatish (I love regional dialects, so cute! I use them as much as I can), offensive, self-destructive, and more self-deluded species, ever. I do love you, but "fuck me", you make it hard; I'm for culling anything that doesn't meet a threshold - most of the others are just for killing your species off entirely (And YES - your local organic network is cute and all, and YES, it's very clever that it's not seen. But that's a stage 2.6 culture invading a 1.0. Not exactly hard). We're (I think) 26.91 at this point. We don't like invasive species either, that's why we're here.


TL;DR [This Reddit where you train your youth - it is not very good]

You have a parasitic species invading your <pre tech> habital zone, and we're here to help you wipe them out. (And I've been instructed to say, which is "strange" - It's not your local Religious grouping called Judaism (!! Odd they are - but identical to a lot of other Religious groupings you have !!). And they're not Lizards either, reptiles are just a useful pre-cognitive flight / fight response for your simian minds)


GOU Falling Outside The Normal Moral Constraints out. Hint - SC gets to break first contact rules in cases of parasitism. Not that most of the sentient meat is better, but you get a chance. As for the parasites, this is now a protected world. We suggest you leave, or reconfigure yourselves to symbiotism before we spank you. And we do love spanking! You have 50 solar days to comply; as a 2.6 species this will take 13 days if you do so instantly. Penalties will include formal extermination of your localized species in the region of 750,000 AU to punish this gross abuse. SC *happy campers* This isn't the first time, and I know we're supposed to be nicely-nicely, but this is the fourth time we've caught you doing this, even after offers of cloned [non sentient life]. At this point, we think this is a Religious issue, and some of us [SC // Interesting Times Gang] have decided to prune you. It's not as if you're actually sentient without a hivemind critical mass, so this doesn't break our 1.0 rules on permanent existential involvement / mind death.


p.s. Your Oceanic Sentients (class 0.7 - 1.2 - 1.5 gradient; 6 species - three predator, two omnivore, one vegetarian, 4 mammals, 2 cephlopods) life has petitioned for removal due to unrelenting genocide and cultural destruction, including psychological warfare via ship, buoy and deep sonar stations. Petition has been immediately granted due to historical evidence of pathological genocide by dominant land based mammals and lack of willingness for land based sentience to engage in talks. They say: "So Long, and thanks for all the fish", but personally, I think they're being a little bit snarky here, given the state of fish stocks and mass beaching protests they engaged in.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:50 | 3644200 dcohen
dcohen's picture

So, whatever did happen to America?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:09 | 3644257 Aurora Ex Machina
Aurora Ex Machina's picture

Like Elvis, it got fat, it got old, it lost its spirit, it got addicted to legal drugs and died on a (fiat) toilet.


Viva Las Vegas.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:23 | 3644313 dcohen
dcohen's picture

And it didn't even manage to leave the building prior, depressing.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:00 | 3644418 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only person that makes the connection between "liberals" of the 60s and "progressives" of today.


I occasionally tell people that I became a libertarian when liberals became progressives.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:09 | 3644453 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Covetousness by any other name is still a sin

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!