Monday Humor #1: It's Funny 'Coz It's True

Tyler Durden's picture


When you just have to laugh...

(h/t @billbramhall via @joshgreenman)







(h/t Jim Quinn at The Burning Platform blog)

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Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643250 Pairadimes
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On the plus side, if you get an email saying that you have been fired, the federal government will automatically post your resume on FaceBook.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643260 King_of_simpletons
King_of_simpletons's picture

Are we going to have plain clothed policemen following us around like North Korea and China ? May be that's already happening, eh ?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:29 | 3643275 macholatte
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"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized."

-- George Orwell 1984

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:35 | 3643303 Bryan
Bryan's picture

NVGs have taken care of that pesky "darkness" part since the book was written.


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:02 | 3644237 espirit
espirit's picture

NVG's are sooo yesterday.  Thermal imaging is today, and tomorrow - who knows?

Biometric recognition plus inputs from comm, gps, and AI pre-cog are next gen tracking systems.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:33 | 3644342 BKbroiler
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This shit just makes you want to pull a Dick Proenneke and get the hell out... for good.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 21:16 | 3644472 Hey Assholes
Hey Assholes's picture

bomb president destroy kill fuck government terrorize 

There, that will keep them busy for a few milliseconds.

All government "workers" should have a 24/7 camera and microphone so that the public "servants" can be monitored That would be just and moral.

Destroy the government.

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 01:16 | 3645036 LostAtSea
LostAtSea's picture

They just need to check inside your assho


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 23:09 | 3644821 IrritableBowels
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XBOX Kinect

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:40 | 3643322 tallen
tallen's picture

[This comment has been removed, due to a violation of the NSA's beliefs]

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:42 | 3643326 mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

...and in 1949, Orwell didn't know about night-vision goggles...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:29 | 3643511 Monedas
Monedas's picture

That's why hookers were called Lillies of the Lamplight .... back in the day !      Monedas     1929      Comedy Jihad Reminising About The Big War World Tour   

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:32 | 3643522 Joe A
Joe A's picture

There is no better system of control than the one in which subjects correct and censor themselves. It is called a panopticon.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:57 | 3643778 Cap Matifou
Cap Matifou's picture

And a side arm is Political Correctness, to rot out "bad words", that could grow into "bad deeds".
The History of Political Correctness

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:14 | 3644278 ziggy59
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Its a centrally viewed and controlled prison...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:44 | 3643570 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

They must punish very few for the rest of us to get the message. SHUT UP. When you don't know who you are speaking to or who is listening at any given moment in time, or as now, for all time, free speech is silenced. For those who cannot see the danger this represents, all for the sake of security that as proven cannot be for certain, you willing lead us to our demise. Your first mistake was to EVER rely on others for your own defense. Only one person can ever be responsible for me and that is me. My now aging mind and body is all I have ever had and to deny or defy this is an act of suicide.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:51 | 3643590 tarsubil
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Tue, 06/11/2013 - 05:05 | 3645150 CHX
CHX's picture

yup, think Petraeus. get rid of general over a little "private fun"? 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:52 | 3644212 kchrisc
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This has got to be the truest fiction book ever written.

After all the previous times that I read it, I always tried to imagine how they could possibly know when someone was committing a "thought crime." Now that I live surrounded by sheeple obliviously more concerned with the Packers, Cubs and DWTS, I get it--they can see when you THINK, doesn't matter of what. Just thinking as contrasted to the mass of non-thinking sheeple is reason enough to pull someone into Room 101.

I guess I better find out what this DWTS thing is all about, but then I don't have cable.


Dear listening intelligence services,

Are you the voice in my head that is telling me to resist or are you the one I am supposed to resist?

Thanks, and cold regards.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:23 | 3644312 oldschool
oldschool's picture


Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:55 | 3643373 Barnaby
Barnaby's picture

How 'bout uniformed?

Did you know it's police SOP to enter an unsecured home? Lock your doors, put up your fences and warning signs, folks.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:40 | 3643554 XitSam
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Police: "They include in-progress crimes and injured parties inside. There are situations which create a duty for officers to enter and check residences. Failure to do so creates liability for that officer and agency."

That is a god-damned lie.  The police have no liability. Entry in fact creates liablility for the officer and department. Especially if the officer enters alone, anything missing can be attributed to him. And police have stolen property. It is why unless there are exigent circumstances (someone screaming for help for example) in my city entry has to be approved by a superior and they enter in pairs (to alabi each other). Boulder's policy is to perform a plain sight search. And since no one is watching, search for things not in plain sight which will be used to start an investigation, they just won't use the search as evidence at trial.

It is also a good way to get an officer or a honest homeowner shot. So they verbally announced themselves? They are in uniform?  That is exactly what home invasion gangs have done.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:10 | 3644261 espirit
espirit's picture

Guess I shouldn't be storing my gas B-b-q grill and mower fuel cans inside my front door, huh?

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 00:44 | 3644995 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

I wonder how Castle Laws would apply here...

Tue, 06/11/2013 - 04:20 | 3645134 dunce
dunce's picture

It was quite a few years ago that the Chicago police were running a burglary ring every night. We only find out when they are caught.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:08 | 3643424 enloe creek
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Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:31 | 3643520 WAMO556
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Howdo you think TSERNAEV was killed?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:01 | 3644035 Andre
Andre's picture

They are not usually bothering with plain clothes.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:27 | 3643270 Sach Mahoney
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Not just posting your resume to FB, but also registering you for unemployment benefits and food stamps and a free cell phone.  Yes, indeed, full service centrally planned Government spying 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:09 | 3643429 krispkritter
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And your 'membership' in the Democrat party...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 17:05 | 3643628 SpiceMustFlow
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Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:02 | 3644045 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

We are all good party members now ,honest, i see 11 fingers ,

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:45 | 3643341 slaughterer
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(NSA has prohibited user-name "slaughterer" from posting anymore on this website.  Please refer to case # 145,679,432 when inquirying about user-name "slaughterer")

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:59 | 3644225 auntiesocial
auntiesocial's picture

since they are spying on us, everyone should have a folder with 100,000 jpgs of diarrhea disasters on their desktop. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643251 Cacete de Ouro
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America the Great?

South America the great...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 19:22 | 3644104 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

China's looking pretty "free" compared to us lately, aren't they?


Tue, 06/11/2013 - 22:19 | 3648877 Tompooz
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In China , only party members believe and trust the government. 

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:24 | 3643252 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Sociopaths aren't all that funny.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:13 | 3644272 espirit
espirit's picture

But funnier than Psychopaths.  Matter of perspective.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643256 irie1029
irie1029's picture

LOL sooo true!!!

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643257 sus sapientiae
sus sapientiae's picture

I wish I knew how to use humor to generate outrage...

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:25 | 3643262 TahoeBilly2012
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Who is watching the watchers?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 15:30 | 3643282 francis_sawyer
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Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:22 | 3643484 cro_maat
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+1 According to Benjamin Fulford: "The so-called revelations that the NSA has been spying on all Americans and Europeans are very old news suddenly rehashed. All e-mails, phone calls, financial records etc. have been monitored around the world since at least the 1990’s. The reason the Zionist propaganda media have suddenly taken interest is because the agencies doing the eavesdropping are no longer working for them or their masters."

In other words there is a big internal power struggle going on and the dual citizen (Israeli / US) CIA, FBI, NSA, State Dept, etc. members are losing their power base.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:27 | 3643505 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Rats flee sinking ships.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:30 | 3643512 rustymason
rustymason's picture

One set of mobsters ratting out the other.

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:34 | 3644287 espirit
espirit's picture

+1 @ francis_sawyer

I do believe you have a ~following~ of serial junkers.

I nominate you as ZH leader to generate OUTRAGE. 


Edit: Ref #3643494

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:40 | 3643557 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Is it too much to hope that they kill each other off?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 16:49 | 3643582 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Sorry man, but Fulford? He's fucking wingnut himself.

Whatever happened to his call that all the Banksters would get rounded up and prosecuted?

Mon, 06/10/2013 - 20:16 | 3644284 Treason Season
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It is not widely known that the Obama administration’s attorney general, Eric Holder, has upset some powerful people by launching a federal grand jury inquiry into wealthy Americans who have, according to a June 19 report from CNBC, “hidden money in Israel, many for generations,” in violation of U.S. tax laws.

Two of Israel’s biggest banks—Bank Leumi and Bank Hapoalim—are reportedly central to the inquiry and note that in 2008 the Israeli government’s controlling interest in Leumi was purchased by Cerberus, the Wall Street syndicate run by Stephen Feinberg, described by Israel’s Ha’aretz as “a New York Jew with a golden touch.”

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