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Dear Primary Dealer: Please Tell The Fed What To Do

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It may come as news to some, but the Fed really has no idea what it is doing (no, really - just read "Fed Confused Reality Doesn't Conform To Its Economic Models, Shocked Its Models Predict "Explosive Inflation" if you don't believe us ). After all, there is a reason for the saying "we are in uncharted waters." Which is why, to help it in its monetary decision-making, every few months, the Fed issues a survey to the 21 Primary Dealers (used to be 22 but MF Global showed that often the PDs also have no idea what they are doing) asking for their feedback on when it should tighten, how big it's balance sheet should be, how big monthly POMO should be, what the Fed Funds target range "may" be, where the GDP and unemployment rate will be, what the likelihood of the 10 Year soaring to 4% by the end of 2014 is, and other pertinent questions that frame the "independent" thinking of the Fed.

What is the full list of "insight" that Ben Bernanke requests firms such as Goldman, JPM, Deutsche, RBS and others to provide him with? The answer is in the June PD questionnaire below (link).

 

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Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:34 | 3650178 Bryan
Bryan's picture

Their heads are so far up in a dark, unsanitary place that they can't even see their stupid economic models any more.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:36 | 3650190 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Stupid people create stupid models.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:39 | 3650207 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

In twenty words or less, please describe how you intend to front-run the following actions we might be considering.

For the MF LULZ!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:44 | 3650232 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

The FED sees correlations that don't exist.

FED Reality: POMO juiced the markets thereby juicing the economy thereby lowering the unemployment.

Reality:  POMO juiced markets creating asset bubble.  Economy is flat and at new normal.  Unemployment is lower because BLS reduced the size of the labor force and long term unemployed fell off of statistic.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:55 | 3650269 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

"It may come as news to some, but the Fed really has no idea what it is doing"

~~~

...and you'd think that all that 'homeschooling' that Ms Creant bragged about would have made them geniuses... Maybe they should have tried their luck becoming NBA stars... Maybe Bernanke was better suited to become Head 'Pedro' at South of the Border...

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:13 | 3650355 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

here is a hoot ...genslar is out at the cftc for being to aggressive towards the banks....

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:36 | 3650465 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

link?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 13:19 | 3650615 CH1
CH1's picture

The Primary Dealers and the Fed are the same guys!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:47 | 3650508 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

LOL!!  You have confused "schooling" with indoctrination...   Which flavor of indoctrination would you prefer? Your own? Or, the states?? I see you prefer the latter.

The real breakdown in education usually began about grade five, now it begins in preschool, at any rate it is far too late to repair the existing "government education system", as it is crumbling under it's own weight.  We abandoned mathematical physics long long ago, now we pay, for decades to come.

Hang in there, it gets much much worse.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:58 | 3650289 moriarty
moriarty's picture

What’s the problem, after all they are only asking their boss’s what to do ;-) (That’s sarc off any anyone not paying attention).

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:22 | 3650398 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

@moriarty

~~~

Actually you make a good point... One that, when francis_sawyer makes arguments, few make the effort to get thru their domes [because of their Pavlovian default reactions]...

IF... Everyone is just doing what their BOSS is telling them to do [on ANY mezzanine level]... Then CONTROL always resides above... At the top, then, there are only a few...

the BLUE BUCK has to stop somewhere... The rest are just watercarriers...

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:47 | 3650237 xtop23
xtop23's picture

I disagree. They aren't stupid. Their true mandate is to make the upper echelons of society more wealthy. As RSloane said further down this posting, they have succeeded admirably.

The problem is, they are also supposed to make this possible while maintaining the illusion that is not their goal. 

They are nearing a place where that will no longer be possible. 

THAT is their concern.

They're fucked. And they know it.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:23 | 3650406 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"he was properly vetted before he was hired." i agree. "bad article" although the whole "we need to be more forthcoming in communicating" is something new...i guess. listen...the program has already been initiated...this was done based up HISTORICAL issues (namely the Fed never created a bubble that it didn't also want to destroy the economy for)...what's different this time? Greenspan knew he had created not one but TWO huge asset bubbles...the first was "solved" by 9/11 and the second (because if he as honest with himself he would say he as working for the man by 2006) "would be solved with what Japan tried to do to stave off the effects (that are still ongoing i might add) of the bursting of the bubble that THEIR Fed created in the 80's."

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:47 | 3650203 xtop23
xtop23's picture

delete

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:34 | 3650180 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Wow, leading from behind again.

Like asking the wolf how to set up the chicken coop security system. Fucking idiots.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:35 | 3650182 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Seems about 2 pages to many for Ben to comprehend.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:35 | 3650187 USisCorrupt
USisCorrupt's picture

Don't worry be HAPPY!  It's ALL GOOD!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:54 | 3650270 deejo
deejo's picture

MEHER BABA !?!? IS THAT REALLY YOU !?!?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:35 | 3650188 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Get the straight jackets there's a Bernanke on the loose.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:39 | 3650192 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

P.D. questionaire...here let me fix it for you Bernank. Brevity is the soul of wit you fucktard.

Would you prefer your free moneys injections-

A- Intravenously?

B- Straight up the cornhole?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:55 | 3650276 BandGap
BandGap's picture

That's an insult to fucktards everywhere, man.

Ben likes his injections by fist, lubrication optional.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:37 | 3650198 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Ask the crack addicts how much crack they should get........brilliant. <huge fucking sigh>

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:38 | 3650202 RSloane
RSloane's picture

If we are prepared to say that the mission statement of the Fed is to increase the wealth of the upper 33% [I'm being generous] of all Americans, ignore everyone else,  and passionately devote itself to ignoring unemployment numbers, then we can say the Fed has admirably met its goals.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:38 | 3650205 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I disagree with the statement MF Global shows the primary dealers don't know what they are doing. Corzine and the rest of his ilk knew perfectly well what they were doing when they took MF Global down, and they were paid handsomely for it.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:41 | 3650216 RSloane
RSloane's picture

Amen, Doc. Agree with you completely.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:43 | 3650228 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

While I consider that the most likely scenario, there's always the possibility that they thought a greater fool was going to step in and further support the Euro bond markets, just like they did.

Corzine could've merely been Dimon's bitch in this whole affair?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:40 | 3650209 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Hilarious, almost farcical "survey".

I like the table in Number 6.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:40 | 3650214 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Dear primary dealers and other useless paper-pushers who contribute nothing of real fucking value to the economy.  Please report to the soylent green factory for your new assignment." - fixed.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:43 | 3650224 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I can sum the responses up in two words: Buy moar!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:43 | 3650226 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Why not also list the Symbols where proceeds should be invested?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:45 | 3650236 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Seriously asking the P.D. banks 'what changes' they'd like to see in FOMC reports? Insanity. I'd fill in 'Moar flying pink unicorns and rainbows pleeze Ben!'

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:49 | 3650247 Aaaarghh
Aaaarghh's picture

I tell you now, wouldn't be suprised in the slightest if all the PD's held a tele conference to fill this thing in. What a con.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:50 | 3650250 nickels
nickels's picture

Paging Dr. Banzai- need to see pic of Indiana Bernanke trying to replace treasure with bag of dirt-- stat--

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:51 | 3650254 tmosley
tmosley's picture

We're not in uncharted waters.  We are in extremely well-charted waters.  It's just the neither the captain of the ship, nor the navigator, nor any of the crew bothered to look for said charts before they took off, and they think that they are magically better and/or smarter than those who came here before.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:54 | 3650265 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Of course the Primary Dealers are telling the Fed dummies to buy more. The academics, like Bernanke, will just obey.  

No independent thinking at the Fed. It's Wall Street that's running the show.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:55 | 3650271 ponzisaurus
ponzisaurus's picture

The fed is as interested in the economy as I am in the latest I-phone model.  What does the economy mean to you and me- work,wages,and inflation.  The "economy" is a clever model of our consumption.  The fed is interested in the "economy" only in so much as the model has meaning to us.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:57 | 3650285 BandGap
BandGap's picture

This is like asking a crack whore if she would like to stop and seek rehab or light up another rock.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 11:59 | 3650294 venturen
venturen's picture

Wait? I didn't get my telegraph questionaire as to when I would most like a FED change to benefit my prop trading portifolio. What a bunch of crooks!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:02 | 3650304 madbraz
madbraz's picture

Such a criminal scheme, it is beyond comprehension that it is actually what takes place in our country.  Asking for the thieves opinion on how to safeguard the money.

 

No surprise here, same happens over at the US Treasury.

 

Not unexpected in the country where the president is a puppet of a certain mr. rubin and mr. summers.

 

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:11 | 3650343 Zen Bernanke
Zen Bernanke's picture

UN EFFING BELIEVABLE!!!

Hey Mr. Fox, can you please assist me with this lock I'm putting on my hen house?  

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:13 | 3650358 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

So Ben is going to "average" the results and just DO "The Taper"?

 

If nothing else, this is proof that Bearded Ben has no idea what he has been doing, and how to get out of the box he has painted us into.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:13 | 3650360 economists_do_i...
economists_do_it_with_models's picture

www.newyorkfed.org link --> "The site could be temporarily unavailable or too busy. Try again in a few moments."

Score one for the guys with the tinfoil hats!

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:19 | 3650383 madbraz
madbraz's picture

Actually, nothing unusual here - just asking the shareholders of the private "Federal Reserve" what they want.  It's been the way since 1913 and a formal questionnaire is dumb by their standards as they speak every day on the phone anyway.

 

 

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:22 | 3650399 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

4,160 economists employed by Govt. as of 2008...

Not counting 'consultants'.

That's working out well, isn't it?

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:22 | 3650402 yogibear
yogibear's picture

"NY Fed"

You would be surprised  at how many times William Dudley goes to Goldman Sachs headquarters with his kneepads to suck on Lloyd Blankfein.

 

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:32 | 3650446 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

And we all know how well these consensus processes yield true and fair market indices: See Libor, Platt’s Oilgram, WM/Reuters Forex, Gold Fixing, etc.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:36 | 3650464 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

It is really bad when the truth you are resisting is your own.

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 12:51 | 3650523 resurger
resurger's picture

 The FED's is really a joke .. you must be kidding me

+5

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 13:40 | 3650692 auntiesocial
auntiesocial's picture

TO DO LIST INSTEAD OF ATTENDING JACKSON HOLE: 

1. catch up on tabloids

2. oprah reruns

3. book tickets to exotic destination

4. reorganize baseball card collection

5. order nose hair remover from Sears catalog

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 14:45 | 3650982 CHX
CHX's picture

Helicoper Ben in action in 3... 2... 1.... rinse, wash, repeat, until you run out of water. Then what? crickets chirping, and then a loud, very loud yelling, screems of horror, and a bloody splatter...  

Wed, 06/12/2013 - 21:26 | 3652424 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Everything is fine.....

We just need a new pill

Thu, 06/13/2013 - 02:06 | 3653271 swiss chick
swiss chick's picture

Crystal ball...

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