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Bernanke On Soaring Interest Rates: "We Were A Little Puzzled By That"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Almost exactly 8 years after Greenspan's now infamous "conundrum" comments about the unprecedented persistence of low, long-term interest rates, Bernanke is now "puzzled" at the dramatic rise in interest rates following his recent Taper remarks. Have no fear though, just as Greenspan noted, "I'm reasonably certain we would not automatically assume that it would mean what it meant in the past, " Bernanke said today that the "sharp rise in rates", was not about the Taper but "due to other factors, including optimism about the economy."

Perhaps more importantly, today for the first time someone, not Hilsenrath of course, had the guts to ask Bernanke the hardest question: is the Fed's "Stock not Flow" worldview broken, and was it wrong all along (as we have been alleging all along)? Of course, the implications of the Fed being wrong on this most critical aspect of monetary theory opens up a hornet's next of Pandora's boxes: just what else is the Fed wrong about, and how much will Bernanke be "puzzled" when one by one all of his flawed theories are revealed to be nothing but religious dogma.

And finally what happens to the BOJ when it too has to "taper" and it too realizes that it is all about the flow (in a country where the central bank is monetizing at a relative pace which is more than double the Fed's), and the second sentiment shifts, the entire liquidity bubble comes crashing down, taking not only Japan, but Europe - which is funded courtesy of the Japan carry trade - down with it?

To summarize: bonds collapsing - no worries... it's still the Stock... although not really... and optimism.

From today's press conference:

QUESTION: Mr. Chairman, you've always argued that it's the stock of assets that the Federal Reserve holds which affects long-term interest rates.

 

How do you reconcile that with the very sharp rise in real interest rates that we've seen in recent weeks? And do you think the market is correctly interpreting what you think is most likely to be the future path of the Federal Reserve's stock of assets? Thank you.

 

BERNANKE: Well, we -- we were a little puzzled by that. It was -- it was bigger than can be explained, I think, by changes in the ultimate stock of asset purchases within reasonable ranges, so I think we have to conclude that there are other factors at work, as well, including, again, some optimism about the economy, maybe some uncertainty arising. So I'm agreeing with you that -- that it seems larger than can be explained by a changing view of monetary policy.

 

It's difficult to judge whether the markets are in sync or not. Generally speaking, though, I think that what I've seen from analysts and market participants is -- is not wildly different from what, you know, the committee is thinking and trying -- as I tried today to communicate, I think the most important thing that I just want to convey again is -- is that it's important not to say this date, that date, this time.

 

It's important to understand that our policies are economic-dependent, and in particular, if financial conditions move in a way that make this economic scenario unlikely, for example, then that would be a reason for us to adjust our policy.

It's really the stock, stupid... (right?)

BERNANKE: And by the same token, as long as we're buying assets, we're adding to our holdings.

 

We do believe -- although, you know, there's room for debate -- we do believe that the primary effect of our -- of our purchases is through the stock that we hold, because that stock has been withdrawn from markets, and the prices of those assets have to adjust to balance supply and demand, and we've taken out some of the supply, and so the prices go up, the yields go down. So that seems to me consistent with the -- with the idea that we're still adding liquidity, we're still adding accommodation to the system.

 

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Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:26 | 3673181 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

"as long as we're buying assets, we're adding to our holdings. "

Very smart man, if they weren't adding to their holdings, what do they buy assets for? Can this idiot be sent to a hospital for an exam?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:57 | 3673322 worbsid
worbsid's picture

Well, when they buy MBS they just think they are adding to their holdings.  How many or what percentage are actually non-performing (A Blivet)? 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:06 | 3673361 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

They're all non-performing at the price they paid for them! They can't sell them! The Liars are Lying to each other about the Lies they told to their other friends who were Lying to them at the time. And etc. URRRGGH!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:26 | 3673184 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

As has been said so many times before, were are certainly living through the biggest financial experiment of all time and while the outcome is painfully obvious to most here, the people in the ivory towers seem completely oblivious to the dangers.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:26 | 3673186 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

the new mantra - "optimism about the economy,"

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:28 | 3673193 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

The "confidence" men are always pushing optimism. No worries, its all good.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:27 | 3673188 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I can't tell anymore if he really is this stupid or if he was ordered to take one for the team for some other reason.

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:28 | 3673194 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

I think he is that stupid.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:29 | 3673205 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

I think we all know he is lying and has been all along.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:36 | 3673233 seek
seek's picture

My vote is take one for the team. He's already leaving, and we're seeing a whole lotta bullets getting absorbed by various people in the gov't lately.

All the bad news, coverups, distractions -- I think Kyle Bass' Japan timeline of 18 months applies here as well. The countdown timer had been set in years, now it's set in months.

Look at the macro stuff and it's pretty clear we're about to see a 2008 do-over writ large, probably by September if not earlier. Then they'll kick in the printers for the sole purpose of covering gov't expenditures.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:39 | 3673252 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I would have expected him to say "fuck off bitch" before "I'm kind of puzzled".

It reeks of biting the bullet.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:54 | 3673306 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

That was a bit odd. It sure doesn't sound like the words of somebody who is in control. Never let them think you don't have the answers or see you sweat, once you do it's all over.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:55 | 3673317 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Am I the only one who sees stawks rallying tomorrow while treasuries calm down and everyone settles in and starts to get used to the new normal where we are sorrounded by the wonderful newfound economic growth?

Or bloodbath?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:05 | 3673359 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

No I feel the same way. There was no panic out there. When I see some panic then I'll believe it. I will say the five year caught me off guard. I was expecting all the action to be in the ten year.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:12 | 3673382 ekm
Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:17 | 3673396 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

The thirty year made a new low for the move too; that's real sober old big money; going away; bye-bye. Dont' want no Uncle Ben's Magic Rice. Sorry.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:19 | 3673407 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

No, there's alwalys more than one. It'll be interesting.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:09 | 3673374 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

The interest rates went up because of 'confidence in the economy'; well I'll be damned. I'm listening to Kyle Bass, I mean, I feel sorry for this guy, but I'm not listening. Mister "the houseing crisis is contained" is still living in the space ship La-La.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:07 | 3673536 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

He's always so fucking twitchy when he speaks in these situations, it makes me think he's a bad liar who's job description requires him to lie constantly.   I'm pretty sure he believed his own bullshit before he got this gig, but by now it must be clear to him what a gigantic clusterfuck he's caught up in.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:27 | 3673192 FishHockers
FishHockers's picture
No Miss Alabama
Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:29 | 3673200 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

 

BERNANKE: And by the same token, as long as we're buying assets, we're adding to our holdings.

 

No shit Sherlock mcdumfuck. It's kind of like telling me as long as I buy groceries I will have food at home. This idiot hit every branch on the way down falling from the tree of useful(less) idiots.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:28 | 3673201 Zgangsta
Zgangsta's picture

I'm starting to believe in the Fed.  Despite the stupidity of it all, everything seems to be controlled just so...

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:29 | 3673208 Mongo
Mongo's picture

RUN!

NEVER MIND NOT BEING FIRST... JUST MAKE SURE YOUR NOT LAST

RUN!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:30 | 3673211 adr
adr's picture

You can try to fuck your wife with a flaccid dick, you'll still be going through the motions, but the action itself is pointless.

Sorry to be vulgar, but that exactly what Bernanke has been doing since he got to his post.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:56 | 3673321 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Bernanke bought one of those penis pumps online, but I think he still hasn't figured out how it works. But yes, he is going through the motions.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:12 | 3673387 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Economists call it pushing on a string; but yeah, that's just the polite version of it.

Thu, 06/20/2013 - 00:58 | 3674252 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Economists know it doesn't work, but that doesn't mean they won't try it. Dumb fucks. They need to take a class from my old College Physics Prof. We were doing simple pulley problems, and the Old Burly Bearded German Prof said with heavy accent "Strings only good for pulling... no good for pushing!" I'll never forget that. The Business Majors were the ones having the issues in the class. I was an engineering major. No problems for me.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:31 | 3673218 news printer
news printer's picture

LOUISIANA: WATERSPOUT NEAR GRAND ISLE. NWS CONFIRMS MINOR DAMAGE. WWLTV. #911BUFF

https://twitpic.com/cy3qt7

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:31 | 3673219 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Bernanke and the G20 CBers will soon conclude* that the only solution to the puzzling problems they are all facing, is to "harmonize" their currencies around one global standard -- IMF's "SDR".

Only then, when we have "One Coin to Rule Them All", can we expect the troubles of the world currencies, debts and economies to improve.

 

* CBers with dissident views will need to be reigned in.  E.g. Brazil and Turkey, and their bad habits of buying golden Barbaric Relics, instead of buying Dollars or SDRs.

/s

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:36 | 3673226 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

Never mind that crap, why isn't my Apple over $1000 yet?

There's a billion Chinese that need iPods, right?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:35 | 3673231 Antifederalist
Antifederalist's picture

The bond market is weak because the money is no good.

The bond market is weak because it smells inflation.

When the bond bubble bursts (now seems like a good time), it is all over.

Higher interest rates equal economic death. The only way to prevent higher rates is more QE. More QE means death of the dollar.

Hey Ben, pick one.

This fool has no idea what he is doing.

His only move is to get out the door and dump this mess on Yellen.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:52 | 3673301 resurger
resurger's picture

Both are good for gold, i dont give zero fucks what he chooses.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:22 | 3673421 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

The sooner the better in my opinion.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:15 | 3673393 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Exactly. Bet on the great white horse Silver. Win or place for sure.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:28 | 3673591 klockwerks
klockwerks's picture

That is exactly right. Rising bond yields will crater our "improving economy" Don't count on Yellen as my guess is that "O" will pick someone the "powers that be" can control to finish us off. It will be very interesting to see who he picks as that will be his "guy or gal in waiting" After that happens, we are finished.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:36 | 3673241 css1971
css1971's picture

because that stock has been withdrawn from markets

Wait.... The US government have stopped issuing new bonds? BALANCED BUDGETS everyone! Seriously Ben. Fill a washbasin up with water. Watch it pour out the overflow when you put more in. Does it really matter how deep the washbasin is?

 

Jezus is this what it takes to become the most powerful person in the world?

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:52 | 3673641 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Not sure why I can't up-arrow your post, but yes, good analogy.  So now that the economy's so strong, I guess those $trillion deficits will just melt away like spring snow.  I wonder if Ben's ever cracked open a spreadsheet or calculator and worked out what the impact of 2 - 3% rise in interest rates has on the annual interest expense on the debt.  I wonder if he's ever considered what a collapse in Bond prices might do to the FED's balance sheet.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:44 | 3673248 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

That steaming pile of MBS shit he has bought over the years is going to puzzle him too when it comes time to sell it.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:10 | 3673373 fuu
fuu's picture

"While participants continue to think that in the long run the Federal Reserve portfolio should consist predominantly of Treasury securities, a strong majority now expects that the committee will not sell agency mortgage-backed securities during the process of normalizing monetary policy," Bernanke said.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:38 | 3673250 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Now they have a reason to give everyone the money to increase flow.

I did not get anything in my mailbox today.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:40 | 3673261 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture

<--- Cayman Islands

<--- St. Kitts and the Leewards

 

I wonder where Ben will be heading when things fold up?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:43 | 3673274 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

<--- Barack's Ballsack

<--- Barack's Asspipe

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:51 | 3673300 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

While the Goyim will be slaughtering each other, Bernanke and his Kosher buddies will be hiding in their billion dollar custom submarines.

: " ‘If you can find my submarine, it’s yours,” says Russian oil billionaire Roman Abramovich. There are an estimated 100 luxury submarines lurking around the Seven Seas and no one knows who the owners are. Anyway, for about $25 million you can purchase your own luxury submersible."

http://www.bornrich.com/for-billionaires-only-most-popular-luxury-submarines.html

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:59 | 3673334 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Is that why Ginrich wanted a new Moonbase?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:02 | 3673342 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

"Depth charges" for two thousand please.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 23:38 | 3674121 Bringin It
Bringin It's picture

VeteransToday said one got sunk off of Syria.  Bombing over Damascus was temper tantrum response.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:57 | 3673507 fijisailor
fijisailor's picture

I lived for 2 years in the CAyman Islands.  He's not going there.  They have a saying," When the US sneezes the Caymans comes down with the flu"

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:41 | 3673264 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

"It's bigger than can be explained."

Yeah. I have women tell me that all of the time.

Thu, 06/20/2013 - 00:06 | 3674168 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

Time to do something about that beer belly!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:41 | 3673265 jon dough
jon dough's picture

So that seems to me consistent with the -- with the idea that we're still adding liquidity, we're still adding accommodation to the system.

So, how's that bukkake doin' for you Ben, getting enough liquidity?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:41 | 3673267 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

Just like the fed and all talking heads laughed at those sounding the alarm on the housing market collapse.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:45 | 3673282 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Stawks will drop, interest rates rise, the deflation then the great inflation. Puzzle that bitchez. Maybe I can get gold at 1200, silver at 15. Woo fucking Hoo!!!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:47 | 3673289 Pareto
Pareto's picture

"I'm sorry Mr. Chairman, but, I still don't know what the fuck it is you're talking about."

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:48 | 3673291 Antifederalist
Antifederalist's picture

The Bernank looked oddly confident and comfortable today. No flop sweat or tremor.

He must be feeling good knowing he will get out before we hit the wall.

I say he resigns before Jackson Hole.

This was a victory lap. Yellen is the bag holder on inflation. He gets to avoid becoming Helicopter Ben which was his greatest fear.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:27 | 3673588 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Why shouldn't he...He'll leave with the market near an all time high. It's the next Fed Chairman who has shit sprayed all over his nice clean suit when the shit hits the fan.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:50 | 3673295 resurger
resurger's picture

Am not fuckign worried to be honest... The titanic will smooth land on the aircraft carrier.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:34 | 3673457 depression
depression's picture

shitstain bernake forgot to mention yellen will have to perform that maneuver while being sucked into a black hole.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:53 | 3673305 jal
jal's picture

Ben said,"No interest raises in the foreseeable future."

 

Grandma has not got it easy either with the kids and the grandkids sleeping on the couch.

 

Ben is still humping her savings.

 

The money managers are still skimming bonuses and Ben has had to print $3T to cover the short fall, ( and counting).

 

World wide, I read, that there has been $17T printed to cover the skimming taken by money managers.

 

I don't blame the boomers. They never learned math.

I blame those who took the money for their own benefits.

 

WHO has all the money?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:23 | 3673815 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

The J**s.

Thu, 06/20/2013 - 01:05 | 3674261 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Annnnnnnnnnnnd.... It's Gone!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:55 | 3673311 RottenAlpha
RottenAlpha's picture
Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:58 | 3673326 Big Ben
Big Ben's picture

When investments go up, people tend to pile into them. And when an investment is going down, people tend to flee from it. Interest rates have been dropping for 30 years now and bonds have had a great bull market. Maybe it is just time for a correction. IMHO, todays miniscule yields do not justify the potential loss of value if interest rates rise. (Of course, I've felt this way for some time and interest rates continued to fall, so what do I know?)

Also, the near certainty of a more agressive Fed chairman like Yellen in the near future increases the inflation/interest rate risk for bonds. Maybe it is just that we have reached a good point for a bond correction, rather than anything Bernanke did or said.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:07 | 3673364 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"the near certainty of a more agressive Fed chairman like Yellen"

Kind of drawing context from your post that you consider Yellen to be potentially more hawkish than Bernanke.

You, sir, need to lay off the various recreational drugs you ar consuming.  

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:20 | 3673413 STP
STP's picture

Yellin is a dove who wishes wings for accomodating policy!  She's the Fed version of Nancy Pelosi and they both hail from the same town!  Imagine if Fisher were to take the helm... I don't think so...

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:24 | 3673573 Big Ben
Big Ben's picture

Sorry, poor choice of words. I probably should have said "agressively dovish" wrt Yellen. I tend to regard QE as an act of agression against the dollar. But the sentence did equate Yellen with higher inflation.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:12 | 3673388 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

You knew enough not to buy an investment yielding 1.00% with potential losses of 7% per 1% increase in rates for intermediate-term debt.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:36 | 3673466 depression
depression's picture

see ya Pimco ben nice knowin ya.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:46 | 3673487 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Boy did Gross ever get his clock cleaned. "past performance is no guarantee, etc. etc.".

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 17:58 | 3673328 robnume
robnume's picture

WTF?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3673349 JJ McApe
JJ McApe's picture

So the stock market is so hooked on cheap money ( drugs) that it falls when that cheap money faucet is threatened to be closed, EVEN THOUGH this portends a strengthening economy. That's like saying we shouldn't become too efficient in putting out forest fires because that may lead to layoffs in the fire departments.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:03 | 3673350 Blankenstein
Blankenstein's picture

This is what happens when you let eggheads of the dismal science run a full-scale experiment on the world's largest economy.  

See: LTCM

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:06 | 3673360 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Bernanke isn't puzzled.  Bernanke is lying.  The Fed doesn't set the rate - the MARKET does.

 

Here's how it works:

 

http://bullandbearmash.com/about/us-prime-rate/

 

The Fed has printed so much that buyers are getting higher rates to mitigate the risk.  If the Fed were the only buyer of 3 month T-Bills, then they would set the rate, but they aren't and the don't.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:08 | 3673366 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Bubble Bernanke and the Fed you want toi consult Japan. USA=Japan, but worse.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:08 | 3673369 TradingTroll
TradingTroll's picture

Ben Bernanke...Ashkenazi Jew. Any other questions?

 

They dont even come from the place they claim is their homeland. DNA says they are from the Caucasus.

A 2012 study by Eran Elhaik[78] analyzed data collected for previous studies and concluded that the DNA of Eastern and Central European Jewish populations indicates that their ancestry is "a mosaic of Caucasus, European, and Semitic ancestries". For the study, Palestinians were assumed to be a valid genetic surrogate of ancient Jews, whereas the Druze were assumed to be non-Semitic immigrants into the Levant. Armenians and Georgians were also used as surrogate populations for the Khazars. On this basis, a relatively strong connection to the Caucasus was proposed because of the stronger genetic similarity of these Jewish groups to modern Armenians, Georgians, Azerbaijani Jews, Druze and Cypriots, compared to a weaker genetic similarity with Palestinians. This proposed Caucasian component of ancestry was in turn taken to be consistent with the Khazarian Hypothesis as an explanation of part of the ancestry of Ashkenazi Jews.

http://gbe.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2012/12/14/gbe.evs119.full.p...

 

I just added that research to Wikipedia again. 'They' remove it every few hours:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashkenazi_Jews#cite_note-78

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:10 | 3673379 cassotto
cassotto's picture

how is this relevant? go heat!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:18 | 3673398 TradingTroll
TradingTroll's picture

Uhm, they run the fucking US, you moron. Go on, hang on Ben's every word then. Its irrelevant. His ilk OWNS YOU.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:31 | 3673409 cassotto
cassotto's picture

"they"? Bacteria own you, and the world. In fact, you have more bacteria in and on you than you have cells. If you eliminate them you die, if you die, they move on.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:28 | 3673590 jomama
jomama's picture

not bacteria.  Microbes.

semantics, right?  cwutididthar?

Thu, 06/20/2013 - 13:36 | 3675823 cassotto
cassotto's picture

no, bacteria

GO HEAT

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:10 | 3673371 cassotto
cassotto's picture

a unique buying opportunity, dont miss out guys and dolls, step right up! GO HEAT!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:11 | 3673377 TheFulishBastid
TheFulishBastid's picture

"And by the same token, as long as we're buying assets, we're adding to our holdings."

 

Bernankism of the year, right there!  He shoots, he scores!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:12 | 3673384 GernB
GernB's picture

Hmm, I don't suppose the rise in interest rates could be an indication that demand is drastically lower than expected. Most likely due to uncertainty about the soundeness of the lender. And, I don't see how Fed bond purchases would necessarily restore faith that the US government can repay what it has borrowed.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:51 | 3673493 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

well, actually that's the only reasonable assumption that can be made. The market in Federal Instruments is free to express its opinion by pricing them. This is what seems to me to be "common sense"; but for some reason it's not a very popular insight.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:02 | 3673655 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Fed purchases create the ILLUSION that it's only YOU who questions the soundness of the lender, and that there's a robust market for government debt, and this is meant to make you question your analysis of the situation, whereby, you look at the rising prices, think to yourself 'I must be missing something, I guess they're safe after all' and buy against your own better judgement.  So everybody does that, and add in the FED buying, and all the propaganda and systemic incentives to buy, and they generate, for a period a time, a robust market for something that is in fact worthless garbage.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:15 | 3673391 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Bend over Bennie, Bubba's got a 12-inch PUZZLE piece he wants to see if it fits....

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:18 | 3673402 flow5
flow5's picture

Obviously, the Fed can't forecast.  Roc's in MVt = roc's in nominal gDp or (MVt=PT).  The roc in MVt rose in May - but won't now bottom until Oct.

QE should not be conducted in absolute terms.  Purchases should run pari passu with the roc's in real-gDp.  Anything less is contractionary.  Anything above 2-3 percentage points is inflationary. 

Now you know.  The policy arm of the Fed is lost.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:03 | 3673658 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

You're assuming that somehow the path they're on isn't fundamentally fucked and untenable, and that the problem is just with the way it's managed.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:19 | 3673406 cassotto
cassotto's picture

yields will go down again when the stock market crashes, just wait

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:52 | 3673497 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Oh, good; well that will fix everything alright.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:45 | 3673629 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

This time I think yields will only go down when they un-taper the taper. 

The programme to buy ABS = MBs purchases, banks offloaded crap to the Fed to write new crap. Now the buyer is leaving town the banks know they have to bump interest rates to cover potential net loss on the NINJA/sub prime loans and yields are going back up. 

And of course, housing market "recovery" will go into reverse, as will stock market. The "wealth effect" this time was/is a flow induced effect, i.e. eased liquidity constraints, not stock effect = improved quality of balance sheets.

The banks will be back to hoarding cash.  And all those corporations stuffing their treasuries with bought back shares will have some interesting accounting adjustment "one offs" as share prices plummet and they realise they paid over the odds for their own paper. 

 

 

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:22 | 3673417 TheFulishBastid
TheFulishBastid's picture

Bernanke: Its not like we've been left holding the bag in this instance...

 

Question: Is that a bag you are holding?

 

Bernanke: Well, we -- we were a little puzzled by that. It was -- it was bigger than can be explainedI think...

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:28 | 3673434 dougedw
dougedw's picture

You gotta learn how to use spell check tyler

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:36 | 3673439 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Optimism?

Bernanke Spells "Recovery" F-A-I-L-U-R-E

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:31 | 3673451 involuntarilybirthed
involuntarilybirthed's picture

FOMC releases a statement announcing its policy stance at 2:00 p.m.    Not a change market takes it easy.

Bernanke then tricks the markets (but not those that knew) and talks about tapering which was inconsistent with the announcement.  That smells of manipulation.  That is twice he has done that.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:32 | 3673452 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

The following is the word "Lie," written 2^8 or 256 times.
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE

For example the NSA director went before congress and was asked if he is actively spying on Americans. He lied. Outright full-on straight up lied. 14 times. When the Snowden leak broke, you know what they did? They made up 50 false episodes of how their spying was, um, in our best interests. So when confronted with lying, they lied more.

Now as for Bernanke, is there really anyone out there who thinks the guy is doing anything other than lying?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:05 | 3673663 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

I thought the NSA, embracing Newspeak in all it's emergent glory, 'told the least untruthful version of events' or words to that effect.  See?  Much better than 'lying'.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:34 | 3673456 Duc888
Duc888's picture

If ya think about it, this shit is actually pretty funny.

 

He's a magician.  He makes wealth disappear for those of us who are the unwashed.

 

Thank you Mr Bernanke.  Please do all you can (and you are) to crash the system.

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:35 | 3673460 Shevva
Shevva's picture

Is this the new world war Z trailer? slobbering zombies.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:38 | 3673465 ekm
ekm's picture

I love the religious dogma characterisation.

 

Tyler must have seen that on somebody's twitter or zerohedge bio

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:40 | 3673467 notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

Blah blah blah, you know what, Bernanke?

When people are afraid of prices going lower, they often sell bonds (even treasuries).  When people are afraid of inflation going higher they often sell bonds (even treasuries).  If there's any improvement in the economy, at all, (even if only as reported by the media) people often sell bonds (even treasuries).  When the bond prices go lower the rates rise.

How could they have NOT expected the rise in rates that we have seen?  I would've been shocked if the rates hadn't risen by the relatively small amount which they did -- in total percent, if not as a percent of change.  Maybe all that was required, was a mention of a "taper", to remind everyone how this process works (regardless of how many years in the future it might actually be until the taper actually occurs).

$#|t, all you have to do is look at a long-term chart, with volume, of TLT to figure out what is happening.  Maybe that method is too unsophisticated for the Fed.

Wake me up when the Fed gets to buying 100% of the treasuries issued, instead of only buying most of them.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:39 | 3673474 observer007
observer007's picture

 

The United States uses drones for surveillance in some limited law enforcement situations, FBI Director Robert Mueller said on Wednesday, sparking additional debate about President Barack Obama's use of domestic surveillance.

More:

FBI says it uses surveillance drones on U.S. soil

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:43 | 3673476 KashNCarry
KashNCarry's picture

They made a movie about this recently called 'Now you see me'...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzJNYYkkhzc

"Come in close...Cause the more you think you see, the easier it will be to fool you..."

"1st rule of magic, always be the smartest guy in the room."

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:43 | 3673480 BandGap
BandGap's picture

He's no fail, I just bought more gold and silver. He's doing a great job holding down my fucking costs. He's a cocksucker for sure, but you have to take advantage of his strengths. On to the Japanese Open!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:44 | 3673483 Professorlocknload
Professorlocknload's picture

Seems to me the most "relevant" thing I heard today is when Ben advocated the SEC demand a floating NAV in MM Funds. A breaking of the Buck is what could send this all into the shredder, at least in my estimation.

Not only did this space cadet miss the yield spike today, I believe he actually thought the yields would drop. THAT'S disconcerting! 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:44 | 3673484 notadouche
notadouche's picture

I have to wonder what is the real goal of the Fed?  Is it to prop up the stock market?  To force inflation?  Push down interest rates?  I wonder if the real unstated goal of the Fed and other central banks is to do whatever it takes to get gold below $1000 regardless of the consequences.  We know it's not about jobs and the economy.  But since gold has stubbornly risen above $1000 and beyond and jawboning by the Buffett's and Bernanke's of the world didn't crush gold, is tamping gold prices down the true intention behind Fed actions.  It seems pretty important to government, central banks and Wall Steet that gold ownership be frowned upon, discouraged and openly mocked.  

I'm not saying it is the focal point, I'm just asking an honest question which probably has no honest answer.  There seems to be glee in the media anytime gold takes a hit and it's all the way down to 1300 and change and I can remember not too long ago that 1300 was considered unthinkable and speculative and the top of a giant bubble.  Perhaps gold confiscation will not take place, but take any and all action to drive the price down to the ground to where the much discussed confiscation would never be necessary.  

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:54 | 3673500 dolph9
dolph9's picture

The only goal of the central bank is to make sure the banking system, which primarily consists of too-big-to-fail private banks, is kept alive.

When you hear of people dying in an earthquake halfway across the world, you may feel genuinely sorry, but at the end of the day your life will go on and you will do what it takes to protect yourself and your own children.

The central bank thinks about the people in the broad economy just about as much as you think about the people who died in the earthquake.

And the central bank thinks about JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs like you think about your children.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:27 | 3673585 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

So true!!! one of the best, clearest posts on ZH for a long time

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:27 | 3673587 notadouche
notadouche's picture

Well put.  Now how can an outsider to those institutions actually know what specifically is in the best interest of JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs outside of the average vitriol or snarky comments that are made day in and day out?  Is it as simple as their client fee's regardless of the how or the what which would make it impossible as an outsider to ever read the tea leaves so to speak?   Their operations appear to be the classic "a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma".    Based on Fed actions, then keeping interest rates near zero is what has been in their best interest which doesn't do anyone but a borrower any good.  Sorry to sound so ignorant.  I have spent zero time in the industry and very little time considering the "real" function.  I do know of the Chinese Wall that is supposed to exist within the firm and does to the general public but is obviously a joke to the insiders of the investment banking industry.   

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:09 | 3673669 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Risk-free spread using other peoples money, coupled with a system that also allows them to gamble that money in the markets with the possibility of greater returns, and a guarantee to cover losses in the event of individual or systemic failure (remember TARP) , is in the best interest of JPM and GS and the rest of the crew.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:48 | 3673864 Vooter
Vooter's picture

And to think we killed that nice McVeigh fella!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:34 | 3673715 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

: "I have to wonder what is the real goal of the Fed?"

The "real goal"? To create so much debt that the Talmudic gefiltefishes will end up taking every piece of real estate in the United States. You don't believe me? Read the transcript of James Traficant's speech before Congress on March 17th, 1993.

Traficant explains: 

" In 1933, the federal United States hypothecated all of the present and future properties, assets and labor of their 'subjects,' the 14th Amendment U.S. citizen [U. S. citizen], to the Federal Reserve System. In return, the Federal Reserve System agreed to extend the federal United States corporation all the credit "money substitute" it needed. Like any other debtor, the federal United States government had to assign collateral and security to their creditors as a condition of the loan.  Since the federal [corporate] United States didn't have any assets, they assigned the private property of their "economic slaves", the U.S. citizens as collateral against the unpayable federal debt. They also pledged the unincorporated federal territories, national parks forests, birthcertificates, and nonprofit organizations [which includes the churches], as collateral against the federal debt. All has already been transferred as payment to the international bankers."

http://mhkeehn.tripod.com/Traficant.pdf

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:32 | 3673827 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Well that's weird. I didn't know Traficant had any sense. I thought he was just a nut with a weirdo hairdo.

Fri, 06/21/2013 - 16:34 | 3680591 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

the goal is to steal. Fed on one side, IRS on the other, military & militarized police to keep the flow in the intended direction.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:48 | 3673490 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

what a dort ...

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 18:53 | 3673496 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And THIS is one of the most powerful men in the free world. Oh My God!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:02 | 3673518 Mad_Scientist
Mad_Scientist's picture

2:00PM - Ben Bernanke, "The economy has picked up enough steam that we can begin to withdraw excess liquidity from the system, which is no longer needed to support the stock market"

2:10PM - Ben Bernanke - "Hey, why is the stock market tanking"?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:03 | 3673524 Duke Dog
Duke Dog's picture

Fvck all the BS spewing forth from the statist's mouths - before this is over, the Fed will be QE'ing $Trillion per month or more. FORWARD Goddammit!!!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:06 | 3673531 EatYourCornTake...
EatYourCornTakeyourPill's picture

Why would tier 1 capital dry up though if he doesn't taper? I don't understand, isn't he giving the banks free money to buy USTs?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:08 | 3673538 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

The free market is never puzzled, it always knows the answer and does what it needs to do. That he will find out.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:24 | 3673575 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

Haha, Free market....  nice one.................

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:09 | 3673541 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

all our problems started in 1913.

END THE FED

I think Ben may actually be a sincere guy, but he was put in an impossible situation, i.e., he actually thought the Fed could "improve" the economy. 

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:25 | 3673576 jomama
jomama's picture

willingful ignorant lapdog does not equal sincere. 

 

big ups on giving him the benefit of the doubt, however.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:22 | 3673689 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

"Sincere"?? Hahaha!! Watch the video I have attached. The guy who loans the Duke more money than he can possibly pay back is also "sincere".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIvaBOxHDj0&bpctr=1371689366

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:23 | 3673690 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wA9aCgUob8

North American Union 2013

There is an agenda in place to promote globalization.  Step by step it is happening.  You do not understand what is happening behind the scenes.

Elimination of the middle class has taken place.  The transfer of wealth is clear to see.  It won't stop here.  This isn't over.  Delays may occur but only to quiet the public opinion. 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:26 | 3673695 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

i like your optimism.  i'd like to think the best of people, all them also.  sometimes - i really wonder what

motivate bernake.  is it the same thing as the wall st. ceo's?  jamie and lloyd play are really simple game -

'how much am i worth'?  bernake?  it was the power to prove he knew more than anybody.  and his insecurity at not

being a big rat - he still wanted to be an insider.  take greenspan -- what an ugly joke on us.  seperated at birth from nyc mayor ed koch.

look at the pictures/genetics.  all they wanted was the attention- and the power.

 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:22 | 3673568 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

The derivatives are all cleared now?  Everyone's been sufficiently bribed now?  Fucking unbelievable.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:23 | 3673570 toadold
toadold's picture

The burning question in my mind is the whole Obama/MSM machine incompetent and evil or is it the other way around?

I was discussing with a cop one time about the kind of criminal that if he put as much effort as he did into working for a living as he did into taking other peoples stuff would be ten times better off.  Our conclusion was that the essence of evil is messing with other people because it is fun to them, because they think they can get away with it.  A former thug said what usually happens is some other thug takes your stuff and kills you in the process.  

"The mills of the gods grind slowly but the grind exceedingly fine."

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:51 | 3673636 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

Low road is the bumpy road.  High road frees up time to spend with the family.  Only confirms these individuals are weak links in the chain. They'll spend the rest of their short lives looking over their shoulder, expecting their justified retaliation.

Vengeance is just:
Justly we rid the earth of human fiends
Who carry hell for pattern in their souls.
But in high vengeance there is noble scorn:
It tortures not the torturer, nor gives
Iniquitous payment for iniquity.
The great avenging angel does not crawl
To kill the serpent with a mimic fang;
He stands erect, with sword of keenest edge
That slays like lightning.

GEORGE ELIOT, The Spanish Gypsy

http://www.notable-quotes.com/r/revenge_quotes.html

 

Fri, 06/21/2013 - 16:08 | 3680488 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

This simply is not true for government thugs. They can do much less work and do much more stealing. They have the "law" or the claim of law or the ability to change the law and tax-funded guns & ammunition to back their activities.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 19:28 | 3673589 Antifederalist
Antifederalist's picture

Bernank stating that they are puzzled by the bond rout, and higher interest rates is fucking shocking.

You mean The Great Oz is puzzled? How can that be? He assured us!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:06 | 3673664 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

I do  notice hou se sales have frozen. IN my area the mortgage rates are now 5% at best for perfect credit with a good job and 10% down .... mortgage rates mor elike 7-8% for most others. Even a new doctor down the block starting out told me "th ebes tthey could do is 7.85%" for him....ouch!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:39 | 3673721 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

It gets worse.  I have a capital negative property, that I did not buy and have no debt against, that did not get sold today.  Not even an offer.  That fucking sucks but that is what it is out in the brush market.  Cityboy Boomer was the potential buyer but figured out that the place is a lot of work.  Don't I know that all too well.

 

I don't know.  Over the years, I have heard a lot about how folks should buy a piece of land where they can grow a garden and such and be self sufficient.  Well, I own said property, with plenty clean water mind you, and do not have a lot of offers.  What a bunch of interweb bravado that turned out to be from the city boys who were all going to move out of the city and live off the fat of the land.  Sounded like a good idea at the time I guess but you never heard me ever say that. 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 23:05 | 3674039 FreeMktFisherMN
FreeMktFisherMN's picture

no one said it was easy but when things get ugly, getting off the grid is the way to go. My uncle and his family for one have moved out of the Twin Cities (Anoka County) up to a little ways south of Milaca and have a ton of land, goats, chickens, rights to corn land, lots of pheasants, grouse, great hunting dogs (new English setter included--I have two of them). 

It's not easy but having one's own 'Galt gulch' is the way to go. At this point I can really only buy PMs given my financial situation (I'm 22) but self-sufficiency type commodities/land is still a high priority. 

 

My parents own a cabin an hr. south of Int'l Falls in Northome, and I think that would be a great place to go to get out of dodge (the city) as THSTHF. Good fishing, lots of deer and grouse around those parts, off the grid, down to earth/common sense folks. And near an int'l border, too, if it so happens Canada is more receptive to liberty. 

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:22 | 3673687 q99x2
q99x2's picture

The time has come for a new system. The patriot act was designed to attack the United States of America and foreign sovereigns by those with wealth over 1 billion dollars. It serves to stop those without wealth from accumulating it. The arrest of those that have stolen the world's wealth and the re-distribution of that wealth into a non-central banking open source monetary system is upon us. Humankind will prevail and those guilty of the crimes against humanity will be brought to justice.

End the FED.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:23 | 3673692 ThalesOfMiletus
ThalesOfMiletus's picture

"Pay no attention to those bond vigilantes!"

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:33 | 3673710 notadouche
notadouche's picture

The picture of Bernanke was taken when an aid whispered in his ear that Tony Soprano died.  What a blow.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:33 | 3673711 dale digler
dale digler's picture

Bernanke is basically buying debt at no interest, but the deficit is decreasing. As planned. As the deficit continues to decrease, other buyers should step in, because there's profit to be had as interest climbs on future debt. Then Ben(or Janet) can stop buying. Yea, it's a highwire act without a net, but there's a foreseeable path to safety. It starts with confidence.

A rising stock market creates  confidence and optimism, which should produce more spending and economic growth. Elevated, but controlled inflation will inspire more buying of government debt.  Steady growth with contained inflation is key, but confidence is critical initially. He's working backwards to try and achieve his goals by starting at the market to influence more spending, and then more debt buying. So far, it's working...slowly.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:40 | 3673728 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

: "other buyers should step in, because there's profit to be had as interest climbs on future debt."

And how is the government going to pay the higher interest without printing more money?

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:47 | 3673741 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

Bernanke is puzzled ?.... Anybody that is paying attention knows we are in a big hole. The "Masters of the hole" are in the hole digging deeper with the same shovels that got us here.

Yeah! Any minute we should be out, but it is a little puzzling that it is taking so long.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:43 | 3673853 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Steady growth? What the fuck are you taking about? Some fake bullshit growth number pumped up by dollar printing. Go shovel that shit somewhere else Dorthy

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:42 | 3673731 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Write your congressman!  Write your senator!  Wait...the only thing they are concerned about and work diligently at is being RE-ELECTED, which leaves us with....Oh, shit - let me tell you how seriously fucked we are..................

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:50 | 3673748 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Puzzled?!

Like Rubic's Cube?! or Sudoku?!

Fri, 06/21/2013 - 15:41 | 3680372 MeelionDollerBogus
Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:52 | 3673751 chindit13
chindit13's picture

Given the size of Bernanke's portfolio, its duration, and the move today, this was probably the greatest single day loss in any portfolio in human history.

If it's any consolation, Ben, try some of these ego salves from other markets:

"You haven't lost if you haven't sold"

"Time to back up the truck"

"I just checked, and all my little bonds are still there, just like yesterday"

"That's only the paper price" (mine are electronic, not paper)

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:03 | 3673771 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

...but, he just said he doesn't want to buy any more, but MAYBE that was just like, a clever ploy on his part, to bust the price so he can BTFD, and tomorrow he'll be back in the Treasury market, buyin' like crazy!  Man, what a GENIUS this guy is!

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:26 | 3673820 Bennie Noakes
Bennie Noakes's picture

Bernanke doesn't care. After all, when you throw money from a helicopter some losses are to be expected. Ditto for the BoJ and the Chinese Central Bank.

But some of the other holders of bonds may not be so pleased tonight.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 20:58 | 3673761 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

"Bonds," "Markets" and such will no longer be needed under the TPP Treaty.

Just a Mark on your body to buy from The Corporation.

Wed, 06/19/2013 - 21:05 | 3673783 Nue
Nue's picture

Hahaha Wow this is like going in for Brain Surgery and hearing your Neurologist slurring his words while holding Long Island Iced Tea. "Yooour gonnna be justt fine. I I I Promise Trrrust Me."

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