This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Thursday Humor: Help Wanted At The Fed
With Bernanke seemingly getting his pink slip from Obama, the herd of academia is amassing for the prized job of winding down this catastrophe. From Yellen to Summers and from Geithner to Liesman, they all are equally qualified but as the following job description shows, it may not be as much fun as it seems.
(h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer)
»
- 12070 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
Re: the beard, I guess that nixes Janet Y....
not necessarily...
If I aint Jewish, can I still apply??
Guess I better add 'stein' behind my surname and maybe change my middle name to Joshua?
I belive you need to be an israeli dual citizen to get this job.
Obummer is forcing the candidates to draw straws - the winner, loses!
goyim need not apply
Additional attibutes required:
Dresses British and thinks Yiddish
Krugman???
Yep that stupid f**k who got his Nobel prize by accident like his idol BO
"Must speak incoherently (Greenspan) or like a person high on potent narcotics (Bernanke)" .
Humor aside, I think the nobel prize winning economist Dr Paul Krugman is the perfect replacement as Fed Chairman. During the global economic slowdown, Paul Krugman has provided his readers and other economic scholars with invaluable insight into the key structural issues in the global economy, and the need for a stronger and more targeted monetary policy. In my opinion he is the perfect combination of economic genius and humble down to earth companion. Who else can claim to be both a Nobel prize winning economist and a humble blogger who touches readers all over the world with his wry humor and personal anecdotes? This is exactly the type of person we need as Fed Chairman.
doing a little better lately MDB
fucking hilarious.
MDB, all humor aside,....seriously, what is the best brand/model of beard trimmer one should use?
"Fuck Krugman !" .... yeah, I guess that works .... thanks, MDB !
MDB only trims the southern beard, where the oysters grow
How about a "Paul Krugman Doll"? Pull the string on his back and let the Keynesian monetary hilarity spew forth!
Pre-selected Mike Bloomberg hot chick cousin, "Chairman Krugman Doll, when do you see the Fed ending it's purchasing"
Paul Krugman Doll, "We need to have another stimulus of six trillion dollars to help Wall Street. So to answer your question...NEVAH!"
Dr. Paul Krugman - MDB has a man-crush
Dr. Paul Krugman - he's so man tight
LOL! Excellent work, MDB_!
As a PM holder, I PRAY they give the job to Krugman! Yes, PK, let M0 rip! Accelerate the destruction of any 'store-of-value' function the USD still holds, and watch its reserve currency status vanish into thin air..
As an added bonus... PK is not even a monetary economist, so it would underscore what a puppet the 'chairman' is.
I'm sorry, academic credentials aside, we need the business accument & proven integrity of Jon Corzine.
inappropriate (yet heartfelt) comment deleted
You want to change your name to Divided Joshua Statestein??
Wasn't he one of the Beastie Boys?
Hey ZH, can you please remove that vomit-inducing banner ad for Barry and his "Organizing for Action" Bullshit from your site? What the hell? The guy's a criminal in his own right and does not deserve any more air time subsidized by the taxpayers ...
Not just any Jew, but an Edomite. And yes, she can have a beard if she wants one.
Actually, I thought it now includes her. She's all stubble.....
have you seen the bitch that runs the SEC? like that broad from poltergeist... DONT LOOK INTO THE LIGHT!
She can grow a beard, she just uses Nair to control it.
Must refrain from using common sense. Must be able to only help the rich and must be able to tune of crys of help from the 99%.
@Flakmeister
I'm thinking Liesman with a Colenel Sanders/VI Lenin goatee would complete this tragicomedy very well.
SANTELLI FOR CHAIRMAN!!!!!
Add to that job description:
"May face legal and or mob action, if political climate deteriorates"
Not to mention being willing to endure countless "Fuck __________" posts on ZeroHedge.
I nominate Jon Corzine for Fed Chairman.
1) He needs a job. (Have you seen him lately?)
2) He is used to Obummer getting on his knees and sucking him for money. ("Please Jon. Just another trillion.")
3) He has proven adept at dancing around Congressional inquiries.
4) He has the beard!!!
5) If the gov is not going to put him in prison, may as well give him something to do.
I really wanted to argue against your points but..... I got nothin'. I can find no flaw in your reasoning at all. He's perfectly suited to the role. In DC this would be called a win-win.
Bonds are puking bigtime nodebt. wave after wave of selling.
are you for real? this is not a democracy! get this through your head!
on another matter, i guess Santelli got today the answer from the markets as to WHY ben is printing money ....
Bernanke for boat anchor!!!
EDIT: Fuck I forgot shit floats!
20 hours there, 20 hours at JPM...
Must be knowledgeable upon failed Keynesian Economic Policy and willing to take the entire country into the shitter at behest of bankster handlers. Equal Opportunity Employer!
looool
Further evidence that the average investory does NOT have the grit to stand up to a foxhole fight.
Give it to Krugman. That would be the easiest Fed Chair to predict.
Good market call yesterday. Congrats, I hope you made a killing.
No real world financial market experience necessary. Psychopathic tendencies are a plus.
English as a second language required.
Yes, it is going to get worse.
Forward (over the cliff)!
Rumor has it that Yellen has to wax her face.
Political metaphor
Krugman may not be too crazy a pick. Who better than he to put the hammer down as the bus goes over the cliff? Nothing would surprise me anymore.
@BandGap
Yes. Nothing like a True Believer to finish the job. Paulie will NEVER admit Keynesian defeat.
Krugman would never take any job that actually required real world accountability for his nonsense.
Yeah .... find a great grandson of John Maynard Keynes .... doesn't have to be a US citizen .... get him a mail order degree .... and grow him a beard .... poetic justice ?
Krugman would never take a job that has the potential to prove himself wrong.
"Beard a must" - Women need not apply
... or then maybe can apply if they have the high level of testosterone
Testosterone is required to manage a hugh and highly levered portfolio, which if anything goes wrong, has the potential to sink 8 billion minus .0001% people into chaos.
must be expert at slinging bullshit, manipulating markets, instruct regulators to "look the other way" and take questions from msm idiots!
Documented history of sociopathic behaviour can be substituted for any other qualifications.
Exactly what qualifications are required to watch a machine run on automatic?
Of course, there is always an observation prism from which to throw in wrenches.
You have demographic deceleration on one side of the fulcrum and rates on the other.
I'm really good at fucking things up. Can I apply?
Your resume' will float to the top.
i am a very good printer, am i qualified?
I can be Fed chairman, I have moustache though, can't handle the beard
Will Obama hire me?
I'm disqualified... The Ctrl+P button on my keyboard isn't working...
Candidates must not be able to say the word Austri'... uh, Aust'... Aus', Awww'shit... just don't mention the word and you'll be alright.
Auschwitz School of Economics ?
Yellen has a "bearded clam" .... I presume ?
Debatable. But if you're up to checking, I'd like to hear your report.
Can't pass the "stink test" ?
If I can get paid in gold bullion, I'm in.
Lucky for us, that great public servant with economic (stealing) talent, John Corzine is being considered.
Lunatic "Shalom" Fringe. It has a nice ring to it. I'm in.
I am an expert on the Great Depression also. The bankers fucked us.
"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of Freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsel or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."
Samuel Adams
I have a beard and my wife says I have the PhD covered!
PhD = Piled Higher and Deeper
Does it come with the Coke and the Broads or is that part of the bennies @ the JPM job I get after I screw up here?
I'm gonna change my voter registration to Democrat .... wait a few weeks .... then apply for food stamps ?
Thanks to our friends at the agency, your change takes affect immediately. No waiting period....
Just smile in your LT camera for a signature.
Passion Flower Spa calling Janet Yellen:
"Ms. Yellen, we are confirming your appointment for a Brazilian waxing facial."
What happens if you're a woman? Must they don a fake beard ala ancient Egyptian style for female Pharaohs?
"I wouldn't work for anyone .... who would want ME as an employee !" Monedas 1929 Comedy Jihad World Tour
A willingness to risk your life when the world you screwed over seeks justice. Proficient with assault weapons a must. Ability to hide out in small appartments in Hong Kong for an indefinite periods. The moral fortitude to deny the name of Greenspan three times before the cock crows.
A willingness to risk your life when the world you screwed over seeks justice. Proficient with assault weapons a must. Ability to hide out in small appartments in Hong Kong for an indefinite periods. The moral fortitude to deny the name of Greenspan three times before the cock crows.
No experience necessary.
I would correct that to "no real world" experience necessary. Academics and theorists only need apply.
Let's pray The Bernanke never finds employment at the local quick oil change shop or else:
The Bernanke: Gives hand signals to guide customer’s car into garage bay. His hand signals are off causing the customer's right front tire to roll over the edge into the oil change pit.
Customer: "Hey, you've caused me to crash my car into the oil pit!"
The Bernanke: "There is no oil pit, sir. By the way, it's good to see you again, Mr. XXXX (said with a sneer and a condescending voice). How can I help you today?"
Customer: "My check oil light is on and the engine is loud and sluggish. I think I need some oil."
The Bernanke: "I can fix that, sir." The Bernanke fiddles under the hood for a moment and then proceeds to pour 2 quarts of sand into the crank case. The car sputters and the temperature indicator begins to rise quickly. "That will be $49.99, sir."
Customer: "WTF? Did you just pour sand into my engine? I wanted OIL! Look, the check oil light is still on!"
The Bernanke: "There is no check oil light. Will that be cash or credit, sir?"
Customer: Grabs a quart of oil off the shelf and holds it up for The Bernanke to see. "I wanted OIL, not sand. After all, oil IS a lubricant, right?"
The Bernanke: "Oil is not a lubricant; it is a barbarous relic of the past. You should avoid using it at all costs."
Customer: "I want my oil and I want it now! Sand is NO substitute for oil!"
The Bernanke: Strokes his beard and ponders what he has just heard. He steps into the office for a moment. 2 minutes later, oil futures plunge 8% in a few short seconds. The Bernanke returns and leans into the customer's window. "Oil is volatile. You should avoid purchasing it at all costs."
Customer: "I'm calling my lawyer now. You just wait, you won't have this job by next week, you pompous SOB!"
The Bernanke: "I won't be here next week, but don't fret. Your car will perform better than expected. And if not, my replacement will be here to take good care of you. Good day, sir."
The End
No 'real-world' experience necessary.
No one wants to be the captain of the Titanic!
I'll apply if they can give me some more leverage; I like to get a job done properly. Beard not a problem.