Thursday Humor: Help Wanted At The Fed

Tyler Durden's picture

With Bernanke seemingly getting his pink slip from Obama, the herd of academia is amassing for the prized job of winding down this catastrophe. From Yellen to Summers and from Geithner to Liesman, they all are equally qualified but as the following job description shows, it may not be as much fun as it seems.



(h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer)

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Flakmeister's picture

Re: the beard, I guess that nixes Janet Y....


Divided States of America's picture

If I aint Jewish, can I still apply??

Guess I better add 'stein' behind my surname and maybe change my middle name to Joshua?

salimmk's picture

I belive you need to be an israeli dual citizen to get this job.

Pladizow's picture

Obummer is forcing the candidates to draw straws - the winner, loses!

Frozen IcQb's picture

Additional attibutes required:

Dresses British and thinks Yiddish

Obchelli's picture


Yep that stupid f**k who got his Nobel prize by accident like his idol BO

King_of_simpletons's picture

"Must speak incoherently (Greenspan) or like a person high on potent narcotics (Bernanke)" .

MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Humor aside, I think the nobel prize winning economist Dr Paul Krugman is the perfect replacement as Fed Chairman. During the global economic slowdown, Paul Krugman has provided his readers and other economic scholars with invaluable insight into the key structural issues in the global economy, and the need for a stronger and more targeted monetary policy. In my opinion he is the perfect combination of economic genius and humble down to earth companion. Who else can claim to be both a Nobel prize winning economist and a humble blogger who touches readers all over the world with his wry humor and personal anecdotes? This is exactly the type of person we need as Fed Chairman.

The Proletariat's picture

MDB, all humor aside,....seriously, what is the best brand/model of beard trimmer one should use?

Monedas's picture

"Fuck Krugman !" .... yeah, I guess that works .... thanks, MDB !

prains's picture

MDB only trims the southern beard, where the oysters grow

IridiumRebel's picture

How about a "Paul Krugman Doll"? Pull the string on his back and let the Keynesian monetary hilarity spew forth! 

Pre-selected Mike Bloomberg hot chick cousin, "Chairman Krugman Doll, when do you see the Fed ending it's purchasing"

Paul Krugman Doll, "We need to have another stimulus of six trillion dollars to help Wall Street. So to answer your question...NEVAH!"

Ying-Yang's picture

Dr. Paul Krugman - MDB has a man-crush

skank's picture

Dr. Paul Krugman - he's so man tight

BigJim's picture

LOL! Excellent work, MDB_!

As a PM holder, I PRAY they give the job to Krugman! Yes, PK, let M0 rip! Accelerate the destruction of any 'store-of-value' function the USD still holds, and watch its reserve currency status vanish into thin air..

As an added bonus... PK is not even a monetary economist, so it would underscore what a puppet the 'chairman' is.

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

I'm sorry, academic credentials aside, we need the business accument & proven integrity of Jon Corzine.

jbvtme's picture

inappropriate (yet heartfelt) comment deleted

ziggy59's picture

You want to change your name to Divided Joshua Statestein??

francis_sawyer's picture

Wasn't he one of the Beastie Boys?

El Oregonian's picture

Hey ZH, can you please remove that vomit-inducing banner ad for Barry and his "Organizing for Action" Bullshit from your site? What the hell? The guy's a criminal in his own right and does not deserve any more air time subsidized by the taxpayers ...

New American Revolution's picture

Not just any Jew, but an Edomite.  And yes, she can have a beard if she wants one.

nope-1004's picture

Actually, I thought it now includes her.  She's all stubble.....


maskone909's picture

have you seen the bitch that runs the SEC?  like that broad from poltergeist...  DONT LOOK INTO THE LIGHT!

IridiumRebel's picture

She can grow a beard, she just uses Nair to control it.

Scro's picture

Must refrain from using common sense. Must be able to only help the rich and must be able to tune of crys of help from the 99%.

Cursive's picture


I'm thinking Liesman with a Colenel Sanders/VI Lenin goatee would complete this tragicomedy very well.

whisperin's picture


Renewable Life's picture

Add to that job description:

"May face legal and or mob action, if political climate deteriorates"

texas sandman's picture

Not to mention being willing to endure countless "Fuck __________" posts on ZeroHedge.

AlaricBalth's picture

I nominate Jon Corzine for Fed Chairman. 

1) He needs a job. (Have you seen him lately?)

2) He is used to Obummer getting on his knees and sucking him for money. ("Please Jon. Just another trillion.")

3) He has proven adept at dancing around Congressional inquiries.

4) He has the beard!!!

5) If the gov is not going to put him in prison, may as well give him something to do.


NoDebt's picture

I really wanted to argue against your points but..... I got nothin'.  I can find no flaw in your reasoning at all.  He's perfectly suited to the role.  In DC this would be called a win-win.

fonzannoon's picture

Bonds are puking bigtime nodebt. wave after wave of selling.

Arius's picture

are you for real?  this is not a democracy!  get this through your head!


on another matter, i guess Santelli got today the answer from the markets as to WHY ben is printing money ....

Colonel Klink's picture

Bernanke for boat anchor!!!

EDIT:  Fuck I forgot shit floats!

HelluvaEngineer's picture

20 hours there, 20 hours at JPM...

IridiumRebel's picture

Must be knowledgeable upon failed Keynesian Economic Policy and willing to take the entire country into the shitter at behest of bankster handlers. Equal Opportunity Employer! 

JJ McApe's picture


Further evidence that the average investory does NOT have the grit to stand up to a foxhole fight.

slaughterer's picture

Give it to Krugman.  That would be the easiest Fed Chair to predict.  

Dr. Engali's picture

Good market call yesterday. Congrats, I hope you made a killing.

Jack of All Trades's picture

No real world financial market experience necessary.  Psychopathic tendencies are a plus.

rosiescenario's picture

English as a second language required.

Bad Attitude's picture

Yes, it is going to get worse.
Forward (over the cliff)!

Dr. Engali's picture

Rumor has it that Yellen has to wax her face.

BandGap's picture

Krugman may not be too crazy a pick. Who better than he to put the hammer down as the bus goes over the cliff? Nothing would surprise me anymore.

Cursive's picture


Yes.  Nothing like a True Believer to finish the job.  Paulie will NEVER admit Keynesian defeat.