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Uncle Sam Wants You To Invest In "The Patriot Fund"
Tired of having your easily-earned (thanks to Benny and the Inkjets) wealth effect go straight to fund the pressure cooking terrorist operations of ole' evil Osama (because that's how stock market investing apparently works)? Have no fear: because Uncle Sam wants you to invest in The Patriot Fund. "The Patriot Fund, www.patriotfund.com, was launched to meet the previously unmet need of a terror-free investment option." So... there is an unmet need of terror-free investing? It appears so. And while Uncle Sam doesn't actually demand you invest your "money on the sidelines" in this latest carnival attraction of the ever more ridiculous US stock market circus, we give it a few months before it becomes a choice: put your money here or get an IRS audit. Because what is more important than "terror-free" investing?...
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Maybe goes something like this??
1st: Race to cash. (equities crash, bond yields rise fast).
2nd: Yield-chasing race to bonds (causing yields to fall fast). Like '08, but we're starting much lower this time (10y at 2.5%), so maybe they go negative? If so...
3rd: Race to gold for safety (and food, etc).
You know you're about to get fleeced when they put "Patriot" in front of anything...
Are there really that many suckers out there that jump any time someone says "terror"?
Maybe that's the "unmet" market that they are talking about (i.e. suckers)
What, no adverts with Japanese gils in bathing suits?
If I short this dog, do I get a free orange jump suit?
What's your favorite flavor of Ensure?
Guess they won't be able to hold their cash in US Treasuries, just sayin.
to call this gay would be a huge insult to homosexuals and yet that's the only way to describe it.
my basket o funz is comprised of TASR, BLK, jPM, HAL, RTN, BAC, NOC, LMT, CG, GAA, and of course FB
because no terroir there
One country's terrorists are another country's freedom fighters. Unless of course they are from Transylvania, they are all just vampires.
Didn't know all Goldman Sachs execs were born in Transylvania.
There is a mindwashed indoctrinated nonthinking nonquestioning USA USA USA Patriot Pavlov dog conditioned every minute in the public schooling system.
The "Patriot Fund" is managed by Ascendant Advisors LLC - a group of Texas boys with lots of Goldman and Lehman pedigrees. So I just took a wild flyer of a guess and checked to see if they may be connected to Dubya. Don't have time to really dig, but saw some political contributions.
But this is worthy of a guffaw: The President of Ascendant is James H. Lee. If it's the same James H. Lee that wrote this humdinger of a poem back in 2004, we are clearly booger deep in the Twilight Zone -- like North Korea, Kim Jong Il deep... God help us all...
From "James H. Lee"
President Bush is a Patriot andA hero brave and true,
Who loves this nation very much,
And our Red, White and Blue,
And loves the Constitution,
And what it stands for here,
And the Declaration of Independence,
Which to my heart is dear.
He loves the men and women
Who've fought for and who've died
To keep this nation terror free,
And sometimes even cried
When things weren't going right here,
And men were forced to be
Subjected to dictators,
And wanted to be free.
A God-fearing man is he,
With Father as his guide,
Who often prays for guidance,
Which helps him to decide
The things he has to do here
To protect our nation's cause,
And to uphold our liberty,
And this great nation's laws.
He is a man of action,
Who knows what we must do
To help protect man's freedom,
And keep this nation true,
True to what men fought for,
And died that we might be
Free from kings and rulers,
And free from tyranny.
God bless this land we live in,
And bless our leader, too,
And bless the men and women
Who chose to pursue
The path which safeguards freedom,
To fight for right and truth,
Who've given their last measure,
Though old or in their youth,
That you and I might live in peace,
In a land where freedom rings,
A land where heroes and patriots,
And even foreigner sings
"God bless America, land that I love,
Stand beside her, and guide her,
Through the night with the light from above."
Oh may this be our constant prayer,
And may our leaders be
Inspired as they face each task
To keep our nation free,
Free from men and nations,
And tyrants, every one,
Who'd rob us of God-given rights,
And victories we've won.
When I hear our fearless leader
Defend our nation's cause,
It makes me want to stand and cheer
For this great nation's laws,
And to salute with honor,
And pride and dignity,
Our leader, President Bush,
Who's trying hard to be
A Christian, like our Fathers
Who were honest, brave and true,
Who wrote the constitution,
And chose God's will to do,
Declaring independence
From other nations here,
So you and I might live in peace,
And not in constant fear.
Yes, God bless America,
By James H. Lee, Jr.And our Red, White and Blue,
And God bless President Bush,
Our leader, brave and true,
And God bless every patriot,
Who loves true liberty,
And those who have defended it,
And kept our nation free.
Copyright 2004
To keep all the information grouped together even though I posted this further down in the comments. For anyone that wants to do some further digging on the characters behind this fund.
http://ascendantadvisors.com/People
I just upchucked a little bit.
Based on his new librairy you'd have thought he cured cancer, fathered the messiah, and changed Coke into Pepsi.
I remember being relieved that he beat Gore......ugh. God it's hard to look back and see how snowed I was.
Lucky we got 'Bama and he fixed everything........ _)_)//////D~~~~~
its the ones that manage ur money that thinks its a great idea to take my money and "invest".....he gets commish...and i dont even know i bought this loser cause its buried in a mutual fund....so the indivdual doesnt even count....
You know you're about to get fleeced when they put "Patriot" in front of anything...
You know you are likely to get called up, given a gun, transported to a country you never heard of, and then shoot someone that you never had a beef with in the first place. Oh and get shot at by the guy who wants you out of his country....... Sounds all too familiar.
Or know your kid is about to get called up...
Or just watch this epic rant from Good Will Hunting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrOZllbNarw
I'm not sure about 'fleeced' but you can be sure you're going to lose some 'rights' and 'freedoms' whenever the word gets used. On that note, maybe they should rename the NSA to the PSA - Patriot Security Agency, or maybe the National Patriot Agency, or National Patriot Security Agency - you know, give that whole 'spying on the population' thing a nice patriotic spin to it. Then anytime anybody said anything negative about the (formerly named NSA) agency, they'd automatically be acting 'unpatriotic'.
+1000
So . . . the largest terrorist organization in the world created a terrorism-free fund?
Truth is stranger than fiction . .
I'm not buying anything if the government is selling it. Frankly you're a patriot if you don't. As an American, your allegiance is to your country, not the current government. Especially if they're lying and oppressing you.
"Because what is more important than "terror-free" investing?..."
Maybe some food stores and a water purification system?
How about a criminal-free government and banking sector ?
Oxymoron
Isn't that Rush's nickname?
Nice. +1
(B)oxymoron
matching height and width
Nick Barisheff says it was Marc Faber who coined the words that investors can be "their own central bank" by owning physical gold in their own possession.
I think I would put toilet paper higher on the list but that is just me.
I believe we may see a little deflation in financial assets for some time.
Then there will be more QE, Abenomics and so on... when confidence in the currency fails, inflation will start rising. Then #3 may happen.
If investors believed in bonds, they wouldn't be falling today. It is a failed market. Correlation is lost. So I don't believe in #2 happening just before #3.
I have no fear of terrorists. I only fear our government
Aren't they the same?
Good Ol' Uncle Sam ... always knew he looked eerily familiar!
Awesome! Paging Billy Banzai.
Getting killed by a terrorist has the same odds as being hit on the head with a falling coconut on a side street in Vermont.
Could be a sign of a top in terrorism? http://tinyurl.com/mem7o7x
Which article are you referring to? This links only to the front page.
Bernanke has been terrorizing us for years. Fuck You Bernanke
Dafuq? How can I have a terrorist free fund in a currency managed by a central bankster? Oxymoron, no?
I just threw up a bit in my mouth.
Just let it go...there's more coming.
Been saying for a couple of years that a "Patriot Tax" is surely coming.
Maybe a "Patriot 401k"
If you don't pay, well you are a terrorist then.
Liberty bonds........that has a ring to it.
"Buy Liberty Bonds or go to Jail"
Jail = Freedom & Liberty Patriot Camp
NewNormalSpeak
My Wells Fargo biz rep is going to shit her pants when i deliver some bad news Friday.
I think it would be more of a statement if you shit her pants this Friday.
'Terror Free' mutual funds recommended by the most dangerous terrorist organization on the planet......BWHAHAHAHA
You really cannot make this shit up anymore. Now what if the US starts arming the Syrian rebels, which HAVE used Sarin according to many in the international community.
Would the fund be banned from investing in anything Amrrrikan?
pods
I am pretty certain it has already happened.
Yes since 2011.
Benghazi wasn't an embassy it was the CIA operations center for the arms smuggling to Libya and Syria. That is why the admininstration are so keen on getting away from that scandal and having the people involved dead. Lebanon caught and siezed a fully loaded ship of arms heading to the Syrian rebels from Libya some time ago and the story was buried...
heres a link http://www.smh.com.au/world/lebanon-seizes-weapons-on-ship-bound-for-syria-20120429-1xswd.html
Yeah, listen to Uncle Scam.
How's that endless QE and spending working out?
Terror-free investing huh? That fund better not hold any US Treasuries then.
Hide your wallets.
It's a "choice" now.
It won't be in six months.
There is no such thing as a (winnable) war against a tactic.
Wars are fought between organized groups of hominids.
And thats why we win the Information War.
They try to overload us with information, distract us, lie to us, feed us disinformation when we come close to the truth... Even still (some) people see through it.
The key is to not let them absolve themselves of blame (which they will), when this all goes to shit (which it will).
Certainly, there are a large number of hominids in the states united that are not only detached from reality, they are activey waging war against it.
The only investment that I'm not terrified of is gold. Is that what they mean by "terror-free"?
Well now we at least know that "terrrrizm" has jumped the shark.
pods
Unreal. I didnt think anything else would surprise me, but I was wrong (again).
This is a joke, right? Or have things really degenerated this far? When do the rallies in the mall start?
I thought so too... but seems real. Oh well, I am not reaaly surprised by anything any more.
It's denominated in Cheesepopebucks, it can't be "terror-free". Biggest terrorists on Earth are the ones who run the dollar system.
Someone needs to create an inverse fund only investing in companies specifically screened out of the Patriot Fund. That should make for an interesting barometer of investor sentiment in the US in general along with visits from your friendly local IRS and DHS agents.
We need a 'feral hogs' fund
Millions of flag waving retards are anxiously awaiting to dump their Bernanke bucks into the largest terrorist supporting fund in the world....Oh they are already doing that when buying treasuries.
Holyshit, I didn't think it had gotten that bad there yet.
Shocking!
Uncle Fucking Sam can fuck right off in my very esteemed opinion.
And the horse the fucker rode in on.
Fucking nefarious nation wrecking, drone using, covertely spying, un-constitutionally degrading cunts.
And revoke that cunts 'Peace Prize', for blowing up innocents the world over you disgracefull two faced bastards what you are.
Who the fuck you lot trying to kid now then? It dont work NSA, we are on to you.
Fucking disgracefull, thats all you lot are working for the machine that will turn on you all in short order, you need a fucking moral compass you pricks, and working for the fuckers who are destroying mankind is showing you up for the fucking degenerates you are. Go and get a real productive job you fucking whores for coin. You have been found out.
Do not make the mistake of getting into a 'swearing contest' with this man.
Nobody can string swear words together like Inthemix96
I love it. Its fuckin poetry to my ears.
The Doc and WTFx,
Its called fucking indignation, and since I cannot spell righteous, I'm as mad as fucking hell. And heres another thing, believe it or not I am not a maniac, I clean fucking windows for a living, how can I be a fucking maniac? One bloke a while ago on here even called me a maniac, and even said I was foul mouthed? How can I be foul mouthed when I'm typing???
I hate been treated like I'm a fucking idiot when its clear the fuckers in charge are idiots.
I swear to God though, I aint no stark raving fucking maniac swearing idiot on prozac mind.
If you know what I mean boys.
:-)
You know I'm smiling in agreement.
I am pissing myself laughing here Ignatius.
Knock all they want, I'm not in mate.
And anyhow, who gives a fuck? These fuckers should stand up and be counted, aint these buggers got families??
Take care friends.
Watchout 96 the NSA will blue screen your computer.
Hey I don't think you're a raving lunatic fucking idiot. Like I said in the past..I'd love to drink a beer with you, I just hope you don't get us into trouble ;->
That post I wrote there Doc was a piss take, and one day you and I may just sit down for a cold one.
And fuck trouble, these fuckers started it, they really should know better mate.
Best to you and yours Doc.
96.
If you're ever in England, give me a bell, a pint would be top of my list Doc.
Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, and Inthemix96.
LongSoupLine would beg to differ. Haven't seen him in a long time. I always used to get a good laugh out of his posts.
I hope he is not on a soup line, that irony might send him over the top.
Show me, on this anatomically correct doll, where Uncle Sam touched you.
I'll try my best, but shoving my fist up my ass may take a bit.
...is that like the Human Fund.
The Human Fund.... Money..for people.
no thanks, I have allergic reactions to anything run by the government! besides, math seems to be a major problem for them.
I see no indication that this fund is connected to the USSA. Notice the .com (as opposed to a .gov) address. Just another emotional scam by my fellow buzzards to fleece the sheeple. I imagine if I were to go terra free, I would have to dump all my T-Bills.
With all of those unemployed 2 and 20 hedge fund managers out there, I'm surprised it's taken this long.
I'm going to assume its just another NSA scam to fund another data center.
Public/private partnership like this.
http://www.thebrandusa.com/
They work on behalf of the US government and in turn receive pork money from the Congress just like the above company slipped in under Immigration reform for law enforcement as an example
Just like the above company here.
http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2013/06/22/Harry-Reid-Dean-Helle...
Uncle Scam wants your money. Soon they will just take it. Gotta have more food stamps, cell phones, section 8's for all those new illegals turned legal and voting for those supporting more re-distribution of wealth.
Then there are the defense contractors. Uncle Sam has turned into Uncle scam, a real mooch with his Obama phone, drinking and partying off those still working.
I'd much rather invest in Kyle Bass' Hayman Capital hedge fund, but the minimum investment is $5 million.
I originally read that as Hymen Capital, and thought to myself, well now, there's some entrepreneurial spirit!
Ha! An increasingly rare commodity.
Can I make my check straight out to the NSA? Actually, they can prolly just access it from my account directly. No need for me, the middle man, in what should be a quick transaction.
This is a fund for ignorant fucking cunts; ANY fund that has ANY government investments in it is supporting terrorism, as states are the biggest promoters of terrorists around the world. Ditto for ANY corporation that has a government contract.
Since ALL of the investments in this 'terror-free' fund deal with corporations that do government business in some way, shape or form, then according to truth-in-advertising laws the fund either needs to change its name or crack open a fucking dictionary and read the definition of terrorism again if it wants to stay in business...
Unfrikinbelievable.
Terror-free fund "Benedict (Arnold) is The Fellow, Dude!" aka BTFD invests exclusively in UST's and various fascist enterprises located exclusively in the US who derive at least 50% of their income from the US taxpayer.
Isnt the real anti-terrorist fund gold and silver?
Someone needs to post the webinar's gotomeeting address so it's possible to sign up and see who at Ascendent Advisors is pimping the Terror Free Mutual Fund. $100 says it's a recent (female) college graduate reading from a PPT presentation.
Do it for the children!
Why do these financial experts and their products look more like Dr Evil every day.
I thought this was something from The Onion until I clicked on the link and checked out their website. The term "patriot" sure has been twisted beyond recognition.
Go fuck your patriot fund in the ass.
Ten Largest Stocks (%)1
Phillips 66
3.77
Eli Lilly & Company
3.66
Conagra Foods, Inc.
3.33
CVS Corporation
3.17
Ace Limited - ORD
3.07
American Express Company
3.06
Philip Morris International
3.05
Deere & Company
2.99
Fiserv Incorporated
2.84
General Electric Company
2.81
A little research shows that the majority of these companies actually do business in Iran. Some have US permission to skirt sanctions, others just use a intermediary company, to make the final transaction. That said, it is not a terrible group of companies, but the whole premise is just a fabrication.
Sex Sells
The next thing you knw you'll be asked to invest in missile defence systems which will carry a "guaranteed rate of return" slightly above that offered by Bernanke.
Patriot Fund = template for confiscation.
Starts out as an option, next it will be a required 1% contribution 'for freedom', then you get hounded by the stasi IRS if you fail to tithe your 10%.
Brilliant. A freedom tax. Who could possibly be against it? If you are, then you must be a terrorist and should have all your wealth confiscated.
Now come on - admit it. Wouldn't you feel all patriotic seeing how much you've contributed to freedom on your W-2?
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" - Samuel Johnson April, 7, 1775
Do youm think that will be on the "fact sheet"?
The bigger problem is that Hussien Obama and Eric Holder, in particular, have zero credibility.
The Russians and Chi-coms, in particular, recognize the current regime as delusional.
Mozillo is the CEO and Corzine is his right hand man, the CFO.
I feel more comfortable about it now.
Uncle Scam will ask nicely now and just take later.
Maybe it's because English is my third language...but surely this is a joke?
All that's missing is Captain America doing the infomercials.
No, it's just stupid squared. Anytime I see the line "Please consider the environment before printing this email." I know I'm in the presence of greatness (in the form of suspension of disbelief).
It's as if we can all save the world merely by believing in the purity of our desire when considering actions.
Terror free means no mic, no treasurys, and no bank stocks?
Please tell me this is being offered by the Onion.
Will shorting the fund be prohibited??
I like the TFI (terror-free investing) of T Bills, cash, PM, real (primary) assets, home security and preparedness assets.
And a Plan B (foreign residency/passport) for when the fascists decide to restrict my capital and foreign travel options - which are always one Exec Order or one capricious warrant away.
Unlike my dear friend Francis and a few other Hopium infused souls, there will be no Club Fed vacation at camp FEMA for me. ;-)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
So this new Fund, does it invest in US airline put options? or was that Buzzy Alex Brown Terrorist Fund in 2001, or was that terror free? ..sure was risk free...
When hell freezes over...
How about Patriot Banking. A joint venture of Goldman Sach's, JP Morgan and Bank of America. Because one mans terrorist is another mans patriot.
Patriot Act. Patriot Fund. I think I'll start making Patriot TP - the face of a terrorist on every sheet. Start with Dick Cheney. Make it extra flimsy so that your finger pokes through every time - those damned terrorists.
The real Patriots of 1776. Are spinning in their graves !!!
If you have been paying attention, you knew this was coming. The creation of this fund is only the first step. The next step is when, for the "safety" and "protection" of retirees everywhere in this (formerly) land of the free, your 401k funds will be transferred to this totally "safe" fund which is controlled and back stopped by your favorite Uncle Sam. Hurrah!!! All our worries about retirement are over! I can hardly wait.
Wall Street was telling everyone to buy and be patriotic after 9/11 while the big boys (JPM, Goldman, MS, etc) were selling. my,my, how patriotic was that? The patriot is a code word for suckers for the boys.
Watch the video on their front page! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard, it's like The Onion made this.
I honestly thought this whole thread was an Onion spoof!
Oh Boy...
Patriot fund that makes money?
I guess this will be the first Patriot short fund.
short those stocks - ew-ah. short those stock - ew-ah.
The financials, transports, healthcare/pharma, utilities, manufacturers, tech/telecoms, defense/aerospace, energy, commodities, currencies and more have special exemptions. Please do not see your local FED/NSA/DNI/DOJ/DHS/SEC/CFTC/OCC/FDIC or OSHA (load limits are out) representatives for details or you will get blacklisted and rehypo'ed in an endless loop by the Second Milers
I would rather invest in a terror fund than a Patriot fund, you saw how the Patriot Act worked out? Not so much.. It ended up being against Patriots.
Look, the Govt. Already declared war against the Patriotic citizens of the USA via MIAC Report of 2009.
Brought to you by the same 'terror-free' government that dumped 17 million gallons of some of the most indiscriminate, highly-toxic poison ever produced on millions of non-combatants.
Not to mention delivering of thousands of indiscriminate deaths via remote control...
http://drones.pitchinteractive.com/
I was tempted to hit the contact button and ask if they could set up a "True Patriot Fund" for the likes of Ed Snowden.
Mark my words: This is the funniest thing that I will read all week. Unless Pelosi makes another statement on Snowden.
"...unmet need of a terror-free investment option." LOL
And further mark my words: 401k's, etc. WILL soon be required to hold a share of this shit.
For anyone who would like to know who the snake oil peddling salesmen are behind this.
http://ascendantadvisors.com/People
Kathy looks like she was once Karl.
The whole page dripped with something, and it wasn't sharp teeth, it was the stink of carrion eaters.
Degrees all from Christian Diploma mills - check.
All Caucasian - check.
No real financial expertise - check.
Gross appeal to Nationalism and Religion - check.
Esoteric black Pyramid web logo (look at your browser tabs) attempt to reference that old chestnut - check.
Radical fingers in local political pies - check.
I could go on, but I don't want to poke them too hard. I wish them all the best in their endeavors, although I shall decline to partake in their meal.
"State sponsors of terror"...I guess that would include the US Government, after all it is the biggest sponsor of terrorism in the world.
The algos feel patriotic today, they've lifted the DOW up 200 points from its lows...
I wouldnt put 5 cents in any fund to further this fucking madness and war mongering.
You gotta love those freedom fighting public executions in Syria. I really enjoyed the last one I saw of a guy getting his head sawed off, and then they shot two ladies! One guy was even bond haired. Freedom Fighters. Patriots.
What the fuck will they think of next!
I want Tiffanie Diep of Ascendant Advisors to sit on my lap and explain the fund in detail...
What does Diep mean in vietnamese?
"not available"
Put money into the worlds biggest murdering criminal enterprise, one that anyone can see is bankrupt, not just financially but morally.
Only if the people remove every vestige of the criminals that are in power now then I would gladly buy any debt issued to help rebuild the Nation to what the founders designed.
Till then not in this lifetime or the next.