It's Bizarro Headline "Explanation" Day

Tyler Durden's picture

Ah, the wonderful life of a mainstream media journalist where everything is linear, where everything is perfectly explainable to an overeager public using "as" linkers, and where in the name of propaganda and keeping your editor happy, logic and objectivity is also known as "collateral" damage.

For example, take stocks, which can rise due to improving economic data...


But also, at the same time, stocks rise due to deteriorating economic data, and bets on more Fed stimulus...


But things are even clearer when it comes to gold, which in turn drops on good news as it "supports" the Fed's scaling back...


... and also drops on bad news, because in this case, deteriorating economic data (GDP miss) implies less inflation.



And now you know how "media" is done.

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Jahbulon's picture

Bunch of wankers.

azzhatter's picture

Would be hilarious if it wasn't so corrupt and sick

aka Gil's picture

Regarding the term "journalist", as in "mainstream media journalist", didn't we resolve that yesterday? These wankers are not journalists, they're fascist collaborators.

icanhasbailout's picture

Sentence first, verdict afterwards.

Pladizow's picture

"Think of the press as a great keyboard on which the government can play. The tune does not matter, so long it is the only one the public is allowed to hear. Eventually they will all dance." - Joseph Goebbels  - Nazi Minister of Propoganda

NotApplicable's picture

In other news, I see that Art Hogan is still a trusted mouthpiece.

Handful of Dust's picture

I'd feel alot more confident if MSM told me again more and more people were quiting their jobs.

Atlasshruggedme's picture

Start Stacking.... FASTER! This boat is sinking, do your part and help off load the Silver/Gold

Divided States of America's picture

THE FINANCIAL MARKETS ARE SO FUCCCCCCCCCCCCKED UP. Its like you prefer watching porn and jerk yourself off rather then sleep with a girl....tangible assets such as gold gets smoked while paper stock certificates goes to da moon.

James_Cole's picture

I don't know, this is pretty par for the course. Unfortunately you'd have to go to a library to get the real archive but I collected financial articles for a couple years for personal amusement. Other than FT most of the coverage tends toward nonsensical.

Tremain's picture

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

 - Joseph Goebbels 


ersatzteil's picture

And I just spit coffee all over my desk...

Goebbels never said that...and it appears you've fallen for the Big Lie.

You are among the very "people" this quote says will believe in a lie repeated often enough.

Thanks for the laugh

nope-1004's picture

The western economic world is a complete fallacy, based on lies and selling populist stories.  These headlines simply show how stupid journalism has become, which is in line with the overall aptitude of western economic 'thinkers'.

Can't expect good headlines from the same idiots that take cues from their more powerful idiots in charge.


francis_sawyer's picture

First banking... Then main stream media... Then political activism... & lastly, 'jurisprudence', to make sure the perps never pay...


I gotta put on my thinking cap to try & imagine which subset is asymmetrically represented in those areas...

BigJim's picture

People whose last names end in "-stein"?

"Stein", of course, is the German word for "beer glass", so it's obvious that all these people are descended from German brewers.

How on earth did they garner so much power? I mean, beer is great and all, but still...

francis_sawyer's picture

May the Schwartz be with you...

Divided States of America's picture

Yet you have many GOLD-steins and SILVER-mans all trying to take down the precious metal complex for their own manipulative agendas. Hell it reminds me of that David COPPER-field putting on a illusion trick where all my money just dissappears from my pocket and into their pockets.

michael63636's picture

"Stein", of course, is the German word for "Stone":


So they are all stoned.

Pegasus Muse's picture

"First banking... Then main stream media... Then political activism... & lastly, 'jurisprudence', to make sure the perps never pay..."


We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.

- Chris Hedges

francis_sawyer's picture

other than that it's fine [because we've all learned how to be 'politically correct' & to live together & accept diversity]... We're 98% of the way there, but that last 2% is rather stubborn...

More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

Well ... truth be told if they did report the truth, what difference does it make.  The Fed simply would negate any semblance of truth.  So it's all BS.  

Deo vindice's picture

Isn't it the job of reporters to report?

And when you report something, don't you report facts?

And if your job is a reporter and the job description is to report facts, doesn't it require a modicum of fact-checking on the story you are going to write to make sure you are doing your job?

The MSM does not have financial or economic reporters any more. They have mostly non-thinking, non-fact-finding story-tellers writing opinion pieces.

No wonder they are becoming increasingly irrelevent.

Crash Overide's picture

They aren't reporters anymore, they are repeaters...They all read from the same script.

Lore's picture

The poster nicknamed 'Pladizow' nailed it by quoting Goebbels.  It is no coincidence that we refer to these people as 'media.'  The word 'media' is plural for 'medium.'  A medium is a middleman; an intermediary; a channeler: "one who conveys thoughts or energy from a source believed to be outside the person's body or conscious mind."  Can you imagine a better definition for today's Talking Heads? 

Thinking about who owns the modern Ministry of Channeling, and how much is at stake, it's naïve to expect mediums to provide balanced, honest coverage of all but the most mundane issues.  Rather, we should expect reinforcement of authorized narratives.  Classic 20th-century bogeymen marketed by extensive media saturation coverage are "The War On Terror" and "Global Warming."  In the first case, the evildoer is invisible. In the second, as the scriptwriters put it, the bad guy is "humanity itself."

It's not just the financial complex and the economy. Scratch the surface, and EVERYTHING in our society is revealed as a grand Potemkin Village.

csmith's picture

Not corrupt at all...just dumb.

cifo's picture

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence. - Napoleon Bonaparte


YC2's picture

well, its a better storyline than "random walk"

candyman's picture

I used to read the comics as a kid, marketwatch, bloomberg, and the rest are todays 21st century replacements for humor. Great low information articles, just stunning!

Midasking's picture

Fed is modern day coin clipper. People used to go to jail or worse for that... now it is called stimulus? I'm confused.

DavidC's picture

Probably all written by algorithmic computers anyway!


Jack Burton's picture

'Wankers"?  "Daft cunts" more like!

Yen Cross's picture

     Welcome to the matrix.

Oldwood's picture

The Matrix presented options and motivations. This mess is like trying to bet on a drunk driver as to which wall he will run into first. Addicted gamblers will bet on anything. Are we supposed to take our clues from them?

sodbuster's picture

Which color pill am I supposed to take? Maybe one of each?

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

That's ok, I got the truck idling to back the mother fucker up one more time.

slaughterer's picture

The movement in PMs since cash open should drive a wedge into any "Fed Stimulus Bet" meme.  

gjp's picture

It seems to me PMs aren't trading on stimulus bets any more, rather they are in full control of the manipulators ...

There just isn't a reasonable explanation for S&P outperforming gold by 50% in six months with printers on overdrive and earnings estimates heading down.  They're going to take paper futures to zero it seems.

When are the emerging markets going to draw the line with this western manipulation?  India's currency is crashing now as its love of gold now tarnishes its current account balance and value of savings.  The gold stockpiles of emerging markets are being devalued according to what the western paper traders say it's worth?  How long are they going to put up with it?  Now is the time to demand payment for exports in gold.  You'll get a lot more of it!  (if they actually have any left)

derek_vineyard's picture

its my opinion that the powers that be seem to hate PM's.  they delight in their demise.  even if they have to crash their own market to crash the PM's.   but wtf do i know.

the game is all about stocks...thats why their dividends are taxed at cap gains rates---couldn't be more blantant than that

gjp's picture

of course they hate PMs, they are a competitive threat to their fiat currencies.  But do the Asian powers that be hate them too?  I would think not, but it makes me wonder as they stand idly by and let western shenanigans go unchallenged ... wtf do I know either, it's just another day in absurdistan

astoriajoe's picture

I suspect the Asian powers that be will eventually hate them them too. Its just that currently PMs help undermine western powers that be, which can benefit APTB.

gjp's picture

I agree, as Asia takes over global financial power they will be the fiat abusers manipulating PMs eventually.  But for now, low PMs, by supporting western fiat, is enabling continued payment in trash for their valuable exports.  How long do they let this go?  Aren't PMs part of the final power handover?  What happened to the rumours of China preparing some kind of gold-backed currency to replace the dollar?  Please somebody flip the switch, the cognitive dissonance is driving me crazy!  (Speaking of CD, where has he been ...?)

eclectic syncretist's picture

JPM customers have been allowed to sell short more gold than JPM has available to deliver from their warehouse, thus JPM needs to accumulate in order to deliver and not default at the end of the month, which is only a couple of days away.  This is one possibility why it is being manipulated down. 

Crash Overide's picture

Eventually PM's will be gone, there won't be any left to acquire. Going to get interesting when that happens.

fonzannoon's picture

If by bizarro we mean the usual then yes it is bizarro headline day.

gatorengineer's picture

The bond rip sure got sold....

derek_vineyard's picture

the reporters have to write something, they cant just leave the page blank but some reporter some day will write' "i dont have clue why the market acts like it does, but im on the payroll so i just make shit up or write what my boss wants you to hear"