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Wednesday Humor: The Next Paradigm In Wearable Computers
The iWatch; Google Glass; the convergence between body and computer continues at a torrid pace, yet nobody knows just what the winning formula will be to make lazy, internet addicted consumers even lazier if more connected to the binary void.
One proposal for what will certainly be an "out of the box" (or "in the box" as the case may be) next generation product, and one which may appear avant garde, controversial and even shocking, comes from the Onion which as usual is years ahead of its time in a world which is now straight from, well, the Onion, which represents "a wearable computing device that streams videos into one eye, the internet into the other, and sucks your cock all at the same time." In short (to pardon the pun), a profit gold mine.
Source: The Onion, obviously
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omg.. Lol.. SAMSUNG > *
iCame
just imagine how many specialized add-on apps they could sell for it.
"I like my species the way it is." -- Lt. Worf
Now just combine it will the beer hat and I think you have a winner..
http://www.drinkstuff.com/img/reviews/8208large.jpg
Samsung or Samsuck?
Reminds me of an old joke:
What's that useless piece of skin around a vagina? - A Woman!
Does it come in white, the black one may stop working?
Hah ha ha ha ha ah
Oh my...
fonestar... Here is your nirvana!... [or are you gonna wait for the 'Signature Satoshi Eddie Bauer Nakamoto' model to hit the shelves?...
Meh, still waiting on the lifesize hologram porn vids.
The Jessica Alba Robot Fuck Doll.
The question is "When will I ever be able to suffer the embarrassment and take it to dinner?"
...
...
...
When there are three or four couples already there.
As soon as the NSA sponsored 'beta ~ LADYBOY' models are perfected... The 'hetero~STREET MODELS will hit the shelves'...
Flakmeister... Howz that trial coming along?... Where we at?...
At $1000 for the unit they are at break even. Its the sale of expendable cum collection bags and customization accessories where the money will be made.
I'm not sure "consumables" is apropos here...
You're missing the point. You never have to take it to dinner.
ZH community summed up in one racist sexist joke.
BTG
you may have missed the memo; this is fight club
not almond milk and tofu club, i think cnn has a link to their website
edit: just so you know my wife isn't white and still laughed, ease up on the choke up bit, you'll find life runs smoother, less fumes
Prains, you missed the addendum, this isn't Fight Club anymore at all, it's a forum on the Swiss Law Institute.
You can’t say what you like anymore.
there is a lot to what you say. skin around a vagina indeed. too many women said "ah, no dice", is my guess.
but then there is this guy (and, later, his wife, as i understand it): http://www.independent.co.uk/news/professor-has-worlds-first-silicon-chi...
"Behind every great man is a greater woman"
The kind of perverted sentiment you just expressed is exactly the kind of thing I'm on zerohedge railing against. I have a daughter that is about to be born, so fuck you for denigrating women. Your stock just dropped (and the tittie avatar ain't gonna bring it back) . . .
You'll need to breathe through those contractions.
Get it in yellow. Then it never quits, does a better job and any error messages are incomprehensible.
HOWEVER it does take over your bank acount quite readily.
Best quote all day.
Fuck robots.
But yeah - the Onion video was a riot.
If it can make a good trade...I want it
I was a beta-tester <sheepish grin>
Oh, tester, not taster.
Never mind.
.
+1
"It's Mega-Maid, sir. She's gone from suck to blow!" —Colonel Sandurz
Does that mean we all get to blow a load in the NSA's face?
perfect response, i laughed so hard at that
iCame iSaw iTickled
@RacerX
Don't you get the feeling that this has been discussed in boardrooms? Maybe just short of having a prototype built?
There is a thing called a "fleshlight" that is waaaay beyond the boardroom already.
EDIT: google that at your own risk, NSFW on any continent.
O
M
G
And
how
did
you
know
about
it?
And watches Deepthroat for the dailogue, I presume....
I tak'n da Fif.
Oh, come on, Knucks. After my divorce, it would be cheaper to buy these by the case and just throw them away after the first use.
In fact, I just hit the buy button at Amazon 10 times!
connecting to the internet is lazy, lol , what the fuck are we all doing here?
mostly wasting more precious resources for amusement
rather than something more beneficial.
Sung? Is that what they're calling it now, Sam?
Asimilate into the collective , resistance is futile
The borg
where do I buy one?
"You WILL have your dick mechanically sucked!"
Now the machines are putting the hoes out of bizness !
That device would be good for Borgs and C-3P0 and Darth Vader...
Bluetooth or NFC would permit multiple device synchronisation . . . .
(which might be interesting, from an "organisational" viewpoint!)
Maybe extra Apps to permit more convenient assimilation . . . . .
As much as I despise this crap, it might make police slightly more civil and mindful of our rights when they realize every interaction is being streamed in real time to the cloud.
Dash cams on steroids.
Interesting twist.
lotsa' folks video-ing the police ace the rot
Sociopaths cannot feel shame, guilt, or remorse. They can't predict, recognize, or understand the feelings of others. You cannot threaten a sociopath, it doesn't mean anything to them.
I ... don't actually know what to say.
Yeah. A first for cougar_w. Speechless. Or maybe it's just my short-week Friday and I really need a beer.
they say the third one costs extra. happy 4th it is then!
I am so fucking bummed that this is not a real device.
"Can you fuck it?"
"What!?"
"Can you FUCK IT?"
I guess now we all know the answer.
Let the NSA spy on that one.
So wanted it to be real...
Onion perhaps, but it's certainly getting closer to being plugged into "the matrix", isn't it?
Madeleine Albright - The deaths of 500,000 Iraqi children was worth it for Iraq's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM0uvgHKZe8
.
not that I watch this guy but ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cU8vR9DEhdE
.
Hawaiian Pidgin English | Siri vs Hawaiian Pidgin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zyplVPJuF4
.
Step Right Up- Tom Waits
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8YcEmKleJk
.
"...delivers the pizza." that line kills me even
after all the years. " it's only a dollar" . t.w.
LOL on Siri. Bitch listens about as good as the rest of 'em.
one dolla' GI, one dolla' good time
Drone Spotting App
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fst7j_VjPds
Drone Spotting App hacked by no such agency, turns your iThingie into a self-designator.
Everyone hates self-designating.
- Ned
This is the actual future:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUa3np4CKC4
I would never leave the house.
i would never leave my chair
I'd never get off the crapper next to the mni fridge
Are you referring to the chair scene in Brainstorm, where he loops the orgasm?
YEEHAW!!!
Syyyyyy Borg... gimme dat gimme dat http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PRjivglNzQ
Can I get a pair that just sucks my cock.
I would like to look through the glasses and see the image of the tops of CNBC anchorbitches' heads- maria b, d olick, michelle ca-ca( even though I think she may have a penis) aussie bitch, jim cramer-wait-WHAT?
Passengers leaning their head against the window will “hear” adverts “coming from inside the user’s head”
Posted on July 3, 2013 by maxkeiser — 4 Comments ?
•Sky to broadcast adverts directly into train passengers’ heads
Sky has developed technology to transfer adverts from train windows directly and silently into commuters’ heads.
Read more at http://www.maxkeiser.com/2013/07/passengers-leaning-their-head-against-t...
.
http://www.maxkeiser.com/2013/07/passengers-leaning-their-head-against-t...
Nice that they've found a non-military use for this tech.
iPenis? iSuck? Yes, iCunt?
When I buy this gadget and AAPL.s new Dick Tracy watch I'll be one cool looking dude.
Was Dick Tracy's watch color or black and white?
I'll stick to my desktop that has no cameras and I can simply turn it off when I get tired of dealing with assholes tracking my activities.
It's powered by your dreams.
'Is that a zoom lens in your pants or are you just happy to see me?' 'Both actually.'
And in other news: http://www.zdnet.com/dont-worry-the-u-s-government-is-tracking-your-snail-mail-too-7000017648/?s_cid=e589&ttag=e589
Don't write any more letters to Santa kiddies, the Big Bad Wolf is watching. Santa no doubt would be labeled a terrorist as he flies through protected airspace, crosses the border without a passport, and 'knows when you've been bad or good' so he's obviously hacked the NSA database...
Dear Santa, aka Krisp Kringle:
for Christmas I want 2 leakers for every NSA agent & backdoors into PRISM open everywhere by Anonymous.
Googles(tm)
So does the NSA get to watch? http://www.thehappydrone.com/2013/06/how-do-you-feel-about-glass-now/
Damn, I'm really falling behind... I don't even have a cell phone.
You DO realize that 3rd gen of this device will be a medical device capable of giving you your annual prostate exam? Also realize that the cost, because it is a medical device, will be astronomic BUT subsidized under Obamakare. But, that model may be delayed a year as well.
Obamaocare has a tax on medical devices. Label it "For Amusment Only".
Can it give a brief prostate exam? Like one second long... Say, oh, every other second, for about 15 minutes?
Oh yeah it will be a gold mine, for the purveyors of filth.
Don't knock it. The Internet runs on filth like that.
Wait for the iWatch.
I've said before, if it ain't got a projecting holographic screen, or retina projection, that shit is going to make the Chicxulub crater look like a summer breeze. Here's hoping that's all a fake, and APPL will pull an amazing fake-out out of the bag, and they'll 'revolutionise' the market space again with a product that has nothing to do with a Swatch (remind me again who designed the first MP3 players and Tablets? Hmm).
It will be Biblical. (And, smarter, smarter bears should track where their $113 billion fund is invested in, and the killing will be when they start having to more capital from there).
I think you'll agree this is related.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/30/pope-gay-lobby-vatican-gossip
I've contrasted patients as platforms for
contracting as if they were cars on a dealer's
lot vs. platforms for technological ability
and compassion.
I've compared the sell-off of passenger rail service
to the government when the airlines' original growth
phase, and the interstate highway system's growth phase,
which was a freebie for cars/oil, with the fact that
in its origin Medicare was National Health Insurance
for unwanted customers.
What does one do with this?
It looks like a mixture of all those, combined with
a vested interest in people pulling strings that
Amtrak not really succeed, plus taking advantage
of adversity caused.
Does yer product suck? YES!! Praise the Lowd!
LMFAO
"Death Toll at Foxconn Increases"
Quality testers of the new Samsung iCame device are dying in higer "than usual" numbers at the Foxconn assembly plant in the Longhua Science & Technology Park. Foxconn is the sub-contractor to Samsung and has erected a new facility espically designed for the assembly and testing of the new Samsung iCame device.
Doctor's are seeing the quailty testers dying on the job after working for less than one week. The related symptoms are crossed eyes, grabbing of the crotch area, permanent smiles, and blood tests show high traces of Viagra. Company and health experts are confused and concerned.
Quality testers are a popular job at Foxconn, since over 10,000 workers are on a waiting list for the job.
More details as they arise.
Awesome.
Too bad the Onion is 14 years late in "thinking this one up."
http://www.welookdoyou.com/fufme/
This was old, perverse, and boring in 1999. By 2013 it's just sad.
--
WW
meh. still waiting for the iLid.
Meanwhile, in Japan:
http://www.thehappydrone.com/2013/07/robot-mouth-talks-sings/