Sunday (Un)Humor: The Government Subsidizes What?

Tyler Durden's picture

Professor Art Carden has developed some exceptionally silly walks and is seeking payment for his work. Since he cannot find anyone to pay him voluntarily, perhaps he should apply for a government subsidy for producing silly walks. But while silly walks may benefit society, the fact that people will not pay for their development voluntarily indicates that people do not value silly walks as much as other things people would pay him to do. Are some subsidies valid, though? What about for food? Or for education? How about subsidies for clean energy? Is government assistance definitely better for society?


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Real Estate Geek's picture

Here’s a program the government should subsidize.

It has become clear that we are on the cusp of a glorious transformation of American society.  Only now have the respective progressions of technology, government services, and—most importantly—social attitudes aligned to give our government the opportunity to banish the twin scourges of terrorism and crime from the shores of this Sweet Land of Liberty!  Think of it:  NO terrorism and NO crime. 

How could we eradicate those plagues?  The same way we got rid of Polio:  inoculation!  All terrorism and crime could be prevented by use of a medication that has a track record of efficacy spanning almost 80 years; a medication deemed so safe and effective that it’s on the World Health Organization’s list of Essential Medicines! 

Here’s how it would work.  At each citizen’s annual Patriot Scan, a licensed health professional would administer the Sodium Pentothal™ before asking a series of questions that may be quite brief.  Assuming that his answers are satisfactory, the citizen will soon be on his way, secure in the knowledge that he’s done his fair share to keep the Homeland safe. 

The Patriot Scan could also be a cost effective “one stop shop” for citizens to ensure that their:  (i) papers are in order; (ii) fines, fees, and taxes are current, and:  (iii) cellphone is backed up!

After all, can any of us truly be free, when even one is imprisoned by their fear of terrorism and crime?

(With my apologies to Mr. Swift.)


Headbanger's picture

Sodium Pentothal!!??  Are you kidding??  They'll just use water boarding instead cause it's a lot less expensive.

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

They'll tell you its your annual bath.

JFKFC's picture

Patriot Scan?
You ever seen the Census clusterfuck?

GMadScientist's picture

Oh I'll give you a "sample" all right.

Downtoolong's picture

Never going to happen. The banks will never allow anything to significantly compete with credit scores as a means of controlling and regulating behavior.

Bohm Squad's picture

There must always be terrorism and crime...this keeps the majority of people just scared enough to embrace their imprisonment.

...Subsidy Declined.

MontgomeryScott's picture

I liked this video.

It's like 'Von Mises 101' for kindergartners!

Happily approaching enslavement, a technical servant for an un-named derivitave company of 'THE Corporation' (of Mortgage Holders) likes to quote the works of one  'Jonothan Swift', apolegetically; describing the coming (and surely assured) 'new world order' in laughable terms. "Here’s how it would work."

In the meantime, a 'highly trained' pilot who can't follow Visual Flight Rules, slams the tail of his 777 on the outer wall marker of San Fransisco's 'international airport', and the 'PTB' state that the investigation 'could take years'. Two people were killed, and 158 people were injured. It was 'much fun' to describe the 'South Korean pilot's inabilities' (because of his particular ethnicity).


'Captain Trips' DOES, NOT, EXIST!

GMadScientist's picture

There's always KickStarter! LOL

css1971's picture

Call it "Sunday Education", or maybe deprogramming.

Seriously people don't get this. Subsidise corn production, get invert corn syrup (AKA High Fructose Corn Syrup) in everything. It's cheap so what do they do? Yeah lets turn it into ethanol and burn it. You get corn fed animals, corn fed chicken. The effects go on and on.

There are multiple levels of fuckedupness involved.

Bohm Squad's picture

Don't forget the GMO's...

css1971's picture

Most agricultural subsidies are for grains, (and therefore meat and dairy as feed)... Which funnily enough are exactly the things implicated in the obesity epidemic sweeping through western countries.

If you push down the price of HFCS for example it reduces the input cost of producing things which use HFCS... So we're talking sweets, chocolate bars, sugar drinks. People eat more of that crap.

Bohm Squad's picture

The irony being that the visible cost is reduced (e.g. the price at the register), but due to the subsidy, the unseen cost is still the form of higher/misallocated taxes and a weaker dollar...and we haven't even touched on medical costs both present and future.

Speaking of subsidies:

One And Only's picture

Without subsidies we would have a better society.

ATM's picture

We would also be much richer, much healthier, much freer and much happier.

Fuck Central Planning in all it's forms. Subsidies are nothing more than theft, perhaps cloaked in good intentions but most likely not.

francis_sawyer's picture

How about subsidizing the Ministry of "No Time to Lose"...

MontgomeryScott's picture

It is good to see you, my friend.


Temporalist's picture

Looks like the gov needs to subsidize the movie industry now.  Don't worry, consumers will spend.  They are just waiting until all of this weather stops.  Too much damned weather...

Box Office Report: 'Lone Ranger' Marks Third Big-Budget Bomb of Summer

financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

yo tempo correlation not = causation

this was a shitty ass movie brah

Temporalist's picture

The point of the article is that it's the 3rd (by my count 4th) box office bust.  I don't care if it was "shitty"; that is redundant.

francis_sawyer's picture

So Jerry Bruckheimer [of Zeta Beta Tau], is losing his touch... Don't worry ~ 'subsidies' are surely forthcoming...

Totentänzerlied's picture

Cheesepope Hollywood only does "shitty ass" movies which promote "shitty ass" cheesepope-approved messages and themes.

For fuck's sake people are shelling out over $10 to see them. Even Goebbels would be blushing at the gall of the cheesepopes to CHARGE people to view propaganda films and sue them for unauthorized distribution.

Bohm Squad's picture

Are some subsidies valid?  Let's see...


Things people do not see as valuable will not be economically sponsored.

Government uses tax dollars collected from the people and then turns it over to select entities which the people have already economically voted to not support.

For subsidies to be "valid", we'd have to assume the gub'mint knows best what to support - and that is, of course, completely a laughable idea.


Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

How is a poor artist to survive after he gets a college education in creating things that no one wants?  How will he survive when no one will buy his paintings of trees and clouds when he sits in the park all day every day?  We should all just shut up and work harder so he can live his "dream".....

Bohm Squad's picture

Reminds me of a joke:

A prostitute waks up to a man and says, "I'll do anything you want for $50, but it can only be 3 words long."

The gentleman thinks for a moment and then hands her $50 and states, "Paint my house."

mofreedom's picture

i know we've all seen the anti christian art...but how about poop on picture sorry, use your leftist imagination.

B2u's picture

We need 6 year term limits for Congress.  The subsidy would be job training for Congress to obtain jobs in the private sector.

francis_sawyer's picture

Maybe Congressional pensions should be paid in gold bullion [starting with one ounce for each year of service]... See if that changes things in any way...

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

I'd rather see them all choke on their worthless paper someday, then give them any gold.

ebworthen's picture

Nice points but too late, we are much too far down the rabbit hole.

The corn lobby has ensured that corn is grown to increase it's cost as a food for humans and livestock so it can be put in gas tanks to gunk up engines and increase car sales.

The FED has subsidized banks at the expense of taxpayers and punished savers.

If the government has demonstrated that it will punish citizens by making sustenance and saving harder, indeed living itself, what besides decapitation of the power structure will change it?

Totentänzerlied's picture

"what besides decapitation of the power structure will change it?"

Given the absurd level of pro-state and anti-capitalist sentiment and mentality and culture out there, that would probably just lead to a communist coup.

It would take at least one whole generation being raised totally off the government's tit to make such a thing as a return to smaller government plausible. The people have to want it, unlike bigger government, which they can always be convinced to want via offers of handouts and favors.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Either currency collapse, or government collapse, would serve the same purpose (as decapitation of the power structure).  And we're headed there.  Which one?  Ask Schrodinger's Cat.

dunce's picture

Fracking has had the perverse effect of helping the ethanol program by holding down the cost of nitrogen fertilizer. It would be more efficient to burn the natural gas in autos but that would bypass  those with vested interests in corn based ethanol production.

tradewithdave's picture

There's a Koch brother for that.

q99x2's picture

Is government assistance definitely better for society?

Not the way it is currently done but social efficiency may be enhanced by open source software solutions along with the elimination of government in its current form.

tradewithdave's picture

You may choose what we have ( Coke) or you may choose Soros' open society of new economic thinking (Pepsi). The choice is free, but unfortunately being free is not one of the choices. You can choose not to choose, then Cass Sunstein chooses organ donation on your behalf. It's an open society... like an open house or open kidney. Trust the nudge of the algorithm.

Peter Pan's picture

An end to subsidies wouLd kill off the military overspending, the TBTF banks and the pharmaceutical companies. If there ever was a way to fix the USA then this it IMHO.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

When most people think of subsidies, they think of social security, food stamps, etc.  They have no idea of the scope of corporate welfare.

agent default's picture

Government is not about giving people what they want.  If they want something thay can pay for it themselves. 

Government is about giving people what they don't want but, they ought to have.

financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

this "professor" is obviously unemployed and himself on half a dozen subsidies
and he walks like a faggot 

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

He walks like a bundle of sticks?  Where's your fucking video, tough guy?

diogeneslaertius's picture

gales, gales of derisive laughter Bruce.

sgorem's picture

I was under the impression that GOVERNMENT was, is, and will always be a subsidy. IT IS NOT the governments money to give away, loan out, or to subsidize fucking anything! It's the taxpayers money, our money.

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

You, sir, are spot on!!!!  +1000

Totentänzerlied's picture

"IT IS NOT the governments money to give away ..."

Mental exercise for democratards: why do so-called democratic (and populist) governments try so hard to promote the (absurd, offensive, insane) message that government is or can be "for the people, of the people, by people"?


MagicMoney's picture

Well they stoled your money. That's why they do what they want to do with it. Similar to a thief who steals your corvette, and decides to sell it.

ISEEIT's picture


Not sure if as an American finding British humor becoming American humor is actually good or bad? The Brits are certainly ahead of us though.

Orwell was British.

So when does 'america' join the E.U?

Just askin'

ebworthen's picture

We unofficially are already part of the E.U., as the FED is propping Euro Banks with currency swaps and taxpayer money sent to the IMF to benefit the Brussels Banksters (the cabal that is behind the Euro debt serfdom scheme).

The U.S. is different from the E.U. in name only; debt serfdom for all!