CNBC Viewership Collapse Continues; Cramer, Kudlow Audience At Record Lows

Tyler Durden's picture

What can be said here that we haven't said countless times before? If the braintrust behind Comcast's acquisition of the CNBC package deal, not to mention assorted increasingly more desperate CNBC producers, had hoped that an artificial "wealth effect" created under a central planning world would lead to greater viewership, more retail stock market participation, and better advertising terms (not to mention revenues), they were wrong. Very, very wrong.

The Nielsen rating of CNBC's business day audience:

Adding insult to the injury that is laughable total business day viewership back to only 2005 levels (and back to 1994 levels, when the bulk of today's traders weren't even born, in the demo) despite countless promo dollars, endless schmoozathons with the 0.01%ers, and trillions in dollars spent on bailing out fake and artificial markets and thus the TV channels covering them, were the following data points from Nielsen Media:

  • Squawk Box had its lowest rated month since August 2005. Seemingly not even Joe Kernen's caustic wit, impeccable sarcasm, conspicuous coiffe and wry humor (if only in his own mind) and ARS' access journalistic "skills" are enough to unsink this particular Titanic
  • Squawk on the Street had its lowest rated quarter and second lowest rated month ever
  • Kudlow Report had its lowest ever rated month and quarter ever. Not even King Dollar can save Larry
  • Mad Money had its lowest ever rated month and quarter ever. Sorry Jim: maybe stick to your hedge fund. Oh wait

The biggest irony, of course, is that to regain the lost viewership, CNBC needs precisely the kind of Bernanke-free volatility and real, unmanipulated markets that it itself preaches against every single day.

Oh well: it's been fun.


Thanks to observent readers, we just learned that none other than the abovementioned Larry Kudlow, alongside Deutsche's Joe LaVorgna, best known for such empirical studies as Groundhog Phil vs. Joe LaVorgna, and Joe LaVorgna vs Randomness, And Randomness Wins, decided to counter our argument (first noted here in December 2010) that the American New Normal is a part-time one, something which even the USA Today admitted yesterday.

We will let readers watch the clip below, which concluded with CNBC inviting Zero Hedge to participate on CNBC. While we appreciate the offer, the last thing we intend to do is i) to boost assorted Comcast TV properties' record low ratings, and ii) suffer Mr. Kudlow the same fate as that experienced by his predecessor Dennis Kneale who also invited Zero Hedge on his laughable excuse for a show in 2009, only to be sacked a few months later.

Finally, unlike various slideshow-heavy, Preferred Round ZZ financial tabloids, we have no use for CNBC or appearances thereon.

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francis_sawyer's picture

The ultimate goal is "negative viewership"...

francis_sawyer's picture

I'm thinking with that kind of 'talent' they should go the AL GORE or OPRAH route & start their own network...

knukles's picture

Hey, to correct the problem, they announced the other day that they were going to "TINKER" with the prime time lineup... by offering Reality Shows...


maniacal laughter
Oh, fuck me....


One's gonna be called "Buy the Fucking Dip" (about selling the mentally handicapped into slavery)
Another "They'll Never Go Down"  ( I'm not even going to try to comment)
A third is "It's Different This Time" (About transvestites)

Fukushima Sam's picture

"to regain the lost viewership, CNBC needs precisely the kind of Bernanke-free volatility and real, unmanipulated markets that it itself preaches against every single day"

Well, that might happen after the 10 - 15 years of war and strife that are sure to break out when this thing crashes.

francis_sawyer's picture

I haven't watched that channel in a couple of years... But if Mandy Drury would come on topless ~ I'd watch... I'd even watch a topless Becky "bee stings" [just for a few seconds] until the toast popped up if the timing happened to be coincidental [as long as she wasn't on Warren's jock, that is... cause that would gross me out]...

ACP's picture

Or their newest Stock Bunny Seema.

Maybe they should take a look at all the unbelievably stupid zero-substance 'news' they have every day.

"The traders says we're down 300 points because there are more sellers than buyers." Genius.

"Sell in May? Do we sell in May? Everybody says sell in May! Better sell in May!" NOT.

And of course, the ever-idiotic "INSTANT ANALYSIS" of whatever metrics happen to be out that day.

Even the sheepiest of sheep can start seeing through that.

fonestar's picture

More and more gen Y =< millennials are just finding the cost of basic cable could be better spent elsewhere (see public internet).

Or at the very least, $100 might get you fucked hard rather than fucked softly while enduring Maria's whispers.

kliguy38's picture

I like Joe Kiernan....erudite....inciteful...and least relative to a steaming pile of horseshit

akak's picture

At least the horseshit could be useful in fertilizing my garden ---- whereas Joe would just be one more unnecessary and potentially destructive worm.

TeamDepends's picture

Here's an idea CNBC:  Cramer lives inside a cardboard box in The Bowery or "somewhere in Detroit" for a week. He could short cigarettes and go long Night Train.  Who wouldn't flip him a quarter?  We would definitely tune in for that.

BC6's picture

I scrolled to the comments to give some green to a "Fuck You Cramer" post and one didn't exist!



FEDbuster's picture

Instead of broadcasting from the NYSE, the should move to Scores.  Just set up a table next to the platform with the brass poles.  Easy access to Wall St. insiders (they are all there anyway). 

Lore's picture

It would do my heart good to see Cramer panhandling someday. I'm ashamed to say that I listened to that SOB once, and the memory still burns.

Kiwi Pete's picture

Here's the link to the Cramer "Bear Stearns is fine" video from 3/11/08 - the day before they went bust. It's blocked in NZ but you guys might be able to view it. Commedy Gold

philipat's picture

Hopefully, that also means we will soon be rid of faux economist LIESman and all his PC BS spin on the numbers.

Dick Buttkiss's picture

Kudlow juth neeth to start drinking again, and the trooth will come out.

Workths for me.

The state can kith my ath.

Clueless Economist's picture

I gotta stick up for Steve Liesman, he is sorta cute, and I would love to rub his bald head and knead his belly fat.  Mark Zandi on the other hand is a smarmy looking fellow and not cute at all.

So I will continue to watch CNBC and fantasize about Steve naked and available for my naughty advances.

pods's picture

Wow, i give credit to everyone that can stomach that shit. I got about halfway through that video and that is all I could take. 
Smarmy moneychangers do that to me.

Must be nice to live off the skim.


TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Did you make it to the 1:30 mark?

"Larry, ZeroHedge, unfortunately, is really bad at reporting facts."
-- Joe Lavorgna

Now that's comedy gold.

pods's picture

Then the pompous ass went on to NOT refute the numbers and take a shot at TD.  Basically only believe the numbers when they are good.  

No wonder these people live in gated communities, they would get their pearly white teeth kicked in too much if they lived in the real world.



New_Meat's picture

pods, nay to worry, as of now the video is "not available".

I'm thinkin' that the laughter got above 103 dB and the pain threshold was triggered.

- Ned

Shizzmoney's picture

We will all have the last laugh motherfuckers

greyghost's picture

so does anyone really think that fox business is any better? i switched years ago and now don't watch either. both just talk shit...endlessly.

flacon's picture

America is becoming down right scary:


Obama Supporters Sign Petition to Repeal the BILL OF RIGHTS



Ness.'s picture

Paging... Lauren Lyster to the set, please.  I could watch her read Archie comics (with the sound off, of course).

dick cheneys ghost's picture

ahhh........those legs..............

Ness.'s picture

My apologies to Flacon.. my reply wasn't meant for your post.  Your link is a 'must see to believe.'  We're fucked. 

Ignorance is bliss's picture

I'd pay conmcast for moar if she did her interviews tastefully naked. 

Death By Cold Steel Report's picture

This country is gone as of its current state. 

Better_late_than_never's picture

ZH'er at 3:35 in that video.

Colonel Klink's picture

Ever notice how virtually every expert they have seems to be cheesepope?

akak's picture

You know, I am still puzzled by these constant references to "cheesepopes".

Where the Hell did that word come from, and what does it mean already?

francis_sawyer's picture

mixed league softball team...


Now we return you back to your regularly scheduled jiewing...

Almost Solvent's picture

I am under the impression it's a random softball team name from years ago but is being used as shorthand for jews under the new and improved TOS.

Back in the day we had a flag football team named Well Hung Jury and Sausage In A Box.

francis_sawyer's picture

Come on now... Why would it EVER... POSSIBLY... be incumbent on people to use 'shorthand' when talking about jews?...


That's just another one of those silly 'Conspiracy Theories'...

Bay of Pigs's picture

My intramural hoop team in college was called the Cunning Runts. We played the Natalie Wood Swim Club.

True story.


StychoKiller's picture

Watch out for "The Floating Air Biscuits!"

jerry_theking_lawler's picture

we always just went with DeezNuts....

Midas's picture

I know of an ultimate frisbee team called "the felcher snatchers."   I thought it was too much.

CH1's picture

You know, I am still puzzled by these constant references to "cheesepopes".

Tyler won't let them say Jew anymore, so this is how they continue with their obsession.

akak's picture

Thanks for the clarification.

francis_sawyer's picture

You can 'BLAME' the conclave of the 'Luciferian Anti-Defamation League' [in Switzerland] on that one...


Who ~ Like ALL the 'Legislative ANTI-SHORTSELLERS OF BANK STOCKS'... Put the final stamp on how the future would unfold...

Cdad's picture

Tinker?  80% of all BlowHorn staff needs to be that they have expended whatever credibility any of them had by centering all commentary, in all hours, around central banker speak as a proxy for investing.  The entire network is in shambles.  Way to go COMCAST!  Way to take all those dead canary personalities as is...and do nothing to turn the ship.

Seriously, how long can Closing Bell continue...when most of the commentary there is literally "buy on the dip mentality" or "where else ya gonna put your money?"  Talk about programming that is in dismal shape.

Sell COMCAST shares until further notice...or somebody in management grows a pair.  

max2205's picture

Liesman was the last straw for me....

akak's picture

And a fat, bald, particularly stupid straw at that.

You know, if CBNC ever decides to replace LIESman, I hear that Jon Nadler is still unemployed ....

RockyRacoon's picture

Somebody tell me if I'm wrong here.  I saw the video as it aired and it certainly looked like the conclusion drawn on the Crappy Kudlow Show was the EXACT conclusion that was drawn in the ZH article that was pilloried so vigorously.   We are getting crappy jobs -- period.

As for the other "personalities" in the CNBC lineup, I find fault with them all to some degree or another.  I do have the station on while working and will turn up the volume for Santelli, even if he seems to waffle now and then on his stances.   Where is his former outrage?  Maybe he sees the writing on the wall, just as Dylan Ratigan did.