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Caption Contest: The Drone Ranger

Tyler Durden's picture




 

With the eponymous Johnny Depp July 4th blockbuster a total dud, now is the time to start even floppier thinking sequels. Here is one such suggestion.

h/t Lance Roberts

 

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Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:07 | 3735291 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

tonto- "hmm...hey drone ranger, I have a question."

drone ranger- "go ahead, tonto."

tonto- " how do you decide which brown people to kill with all those drones?"

drone ranger- "well, it's kind of a complicated process, but basically we kill the ones who are dangerous and extreme."

tonto- "ok...but how do you make that decision?"

drone ranger- "well, sometimes it's just obvious you know, they are brown males between 16 and 85, they live in countries with a lot of sand and oil and they go around saying bad things about America or holding up sings that say stuff like "great satan" or whatever...sometimes they post you tube videos."

tonto- "and..."

drone ranger- "and we drone them, cause you know, they are a threat to national security".

tonto- " but did they actually do anything?"

drone ranger- "sure they did"

tonto- "ok...like what?"

drone ranger- "well, they posted you tube videos."

tonto- "right, anything else?"

drone ranger- "sometimes they have meetings."

tonto- "meetings..."

drone ranger-" yeah, in basements or caves or at family barbeques and what not...very dangerous."

tonto- " and at these meetings they talk about, what?"

drone ranger- "well we're not exactly sure, but for the most part we think it's about how much they hate us for our freedoms and how to get shoe or underwear bombs on to planes, they are even working on one that can be stuffed in a colon or small intestines and detonated remotely while still in the body"

tonto- "a colon bomb?"

drone ranger- " yup, dangerous and extreme."

tonto- "but if your not sure what they are talking about, how do you know about the colon bombs?"

drone ranger- "oh that's easy, the FBI told us about that one."

tonto- " the FBI?"

drone ranger- "yeah, those guys are great they always, always seem to know exactly what every potential terrorist is planning to do, all the time... well, except for those guys in Boston, which is funny cause you would have thought that one would have been a no brainer... considering they had been watching them for years."

tonto- "so that's it then, that's the process by which you choose who gets hailfire missiles dropped on them?"

drone ranger- "pretty much, we had to give a few years of fine tuning before we rolled it out here at home, but it's ready now..."

tonto- " wait, here at home, you're going to start droning people here in the US?"

drone ranger- "start? shit, we already have, in Indiana a year or so ago for example, and they called it a gas main explosion. speaking of which tonto, which reservation do you live on again?"

 

 

 

 

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 22:16 | 3735368 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

"It's a BITCH when the 'smart one' is the fucking horse..."

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:00 | 3735438 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

DR: You want me to wear a mask?

TONTO: There come a time when criminals must wear mask to hide their shame when committing injustice.  Besides, your face is fugly.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:14 | 3735467 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

American Indian learns how to use S. African Kenyans to build new Teepees.

Taxpayers to Fund Hollywood ObamaCare Propaganda

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:28 | 3735498 harlanaladd
harlanaladd's picture

"Yes, Kemo Sabe, he very bad man and hard to catch. But if *everyone* buy one silver bullet, then maybe we can get this JP Morgan, no?"

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:39 | 3735522 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

Oh give me a home
Where they surveil by drone
Where the Feds and police shoot to kill
Where never's allowed
Any unruly crowd
Just obey or your blood's gonna spill

Home, home's now deranged
Where the Feds and police shoot to kill
Where never's allowed
Any unruly crowd
Just obey or your blood's gonna spill

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 22:11 | 3736103 PT
PT's picture

dark_matter : just noticed you beat me to it.  I put a different chorus a bit lower.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 19:26 | 3735627 monad
monad's picture

We've chased all the bank robbers and riffraff away, Tonto. Our work here is done.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 21:37 | 3736008 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

Kill with drones....Kill with gun walking.  Kill with useless wars,........Kill opposition. 

 

Nobel Peace Prize Bitchez !!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 21:46 | 3736038 PT
PT's picture

Altogether now:

## Drone, drone on the range
The deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word
Or the DHS will take you away  ##
 

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 23:11 | 3736294 The Abstraction...
The Abstraction of Justice's picture

The lead, Armie Hammer, is of Jewish heritage, as is Johhny Depp, who plays the Native American sidekick. So that tells you both sides are Jewish, and there they are pretending to represent diversity. Not seen the film, but I bet it brings up the spectre of racism, while indulding in it itself, with the choice of cast(e). Typical Zionist hypocrits.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 23:43 | 3736399 joego1
joego1's picture

Happy Drones

Some Drones are happy ones--- other are blue.

It the way you fly the mission that counts--

here's bloody one for you!

Happy drones to you until we fly your way

Happy drones to you keep similin until then.

Who cares about the clouds when your on radar

Just sing a song while the hellfire blasts your mother

Happy drones to you until our crosshairs find you once again

Thu, 07/11/2013 - 01:31 | 3740532 ken
ken's picture

I say, "Give the dog, a drone!"

 

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